Overpromised and undercommitted

Commitment
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That, I think, was the phrase I remember most from the younger clergy gathering I attended today, which Bishop hosted in Columbia. Thirteen of our clergy met to reflect on doing ministry now. I think this phrase, which I think Lucas from Schweitzer UMC in Springfield used to describe our churches when they are not at their best. Maybe more later, after my charge conference at St. Peter. The rock, don't you know.

Choosing the better part...

Christ in the House of Mary and Martha
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OKAY...original sin, exhaustian, unfocused, whatever you want to call it...I have been so mega involved with d.s.ing that I have put these things that I have dealt with over the past couple of months here on the back burner to such an extent that I am burning out with not "choosing the better part"...that is, not putting the passion I have for younger adults and all that involves, especially as it involves the emergent conversation, in any place of importance...I am certainly GOING ON to perfection, cause I sure ain't reached it yet! I worked this week, strained by fatigue and procrastination, on an article Dr. Weems asked me to do about emergent and Broadway. Though I don't feel very good about the articulation of it so far, it again got me in touch with what I feel the spirit is calling me to do and be...I did meet Brian McLaren this week at MNU which was good, good to hear him, and see so many folks interested in what he had to say...disheartening there were no more United Methodists there than were there. I am also looking forward to meeting with some of our conference's youngest clergy a week from next Thursday--I'm actually horning in on the bishop's meeting with them, but just can't help myself.

PAY ATTENTION
I seem to see it everywhere, like you do, as I read today, when you are eight months pregnant and you so all these other women who are too---or you've just ordered a Prius and they are everywhere on the roads all of a sudden.
Everybody, everything I read, every sermon I hear, as I did tonight here at Junaluska, seems to be saying "duh, Susan, FOCUS ... PAY ATTENTION." Bishop said in his sermon at the celebration of the Heartland districts superintendents a few weeks ago---CONCENTRATE...What I am reading and thinking about so much these days, is saying PAY ATTENTION---God is already in this new world and new day-----preveniently God is already where we have not yet been---and before we yet know it. God is already doing far more than we can ever ask or imagine. PAY ATTENTION, clergy...PAY ATTENTION churches--there are young adults everywhere who need a safe person with whom to ask the tough questions and a person who has something, and Someone, to offer. PAY ATTENTION--God is giving us opporunities wherever we are to offer Christ. There are those close to us whose life intersect daily with ours whom God may want us to pay attention to, so that we can become what God intends us to be...PAY ATTENTION---someone whom you already know and love may be saying something to you you have not yet heard, or may be asking you to become more human and real so that God can get through to you. (Everytime I have written "you" I of course mean "me" too) Tonight the host bishop here preached, and as illustration of being focused he asked us why we, who say we have open hearts, open minds, open doors, don't seem to really want to be open to the Holy Spirit sometimes. Interesting.

Legion, pomo and the UMC

legion
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That's pomo, as in postmodern. I'm still reading (slowly) Truth is Stranger Than it Used to Be. Today, instead of reading, which part of me wanted to do all day, I was at a meeting where we talked, and envisioned and listened to each other about what we would like for our annual conference to become. For some reason tonight, in relation to this, I thought of one of the descripters that is used by the authors of the book I mentioned earlier---that one of the characteristics of postmodernity is that many find themselves as living illustrations of the Biblical account in Mark 5---the demon-possessed man who says to Jesus that "my name is Legion"---the writers say this: "Controlled by many spirits, the man in the biblical story was tormented, homeless, and in need of healing. So, it seems to us, is the contemporary postmodern psyche." (p. 56) And so, perhaps, are many of us across the connexion perhaps, maybe especially pastors, who have many identities to which we feel loyalty, some of which feel in conflict with one another---we want to be relational, to take the time to listen to those we encounter, yet we feel pulled by the commitments we have previously made. We want to be open to learning from other faiths and the richness of pluralism, but we want to hold as true the uniqueness, and many of us would say the rightness of Christ as Savior. We want to be caring toward the older, faithful members of our congregations, yet we know that we cannot forever keep doing what we have always done. We are in need of healing, as a denomination, as a conference, and as those who seek to faithfully serve--a healing that will lead to greater integrity of ministry, and an integration of our many selves---and somehow, I know that wholeness toward which we yearn, will never be complete until we no longer see our selves dimly in a mirror, but when our selves our joined eternally with our God. Looking to Christ, the pioneer of our faith, we can grow in wholeness, though, I really believe. How do we keep centered when we feel so pulled? Means of grace, Susan, means of grace.
Sorry this is a bit stream of consciousness tonight...

Truth Is Stranger...

Truth
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Wow! Lots of things popping around all of the emergent conversation for me right now! I am currently reading this book, which has been out for a while, but which is an extremely good review of the postmodern quandry for those of us who are in the midst of churches that struggle with change. Steve and Cindy Breon and I went to Jacob's Well last night---so good to see Tim!!! I meet with Steve Cox, our conference director of connectional ministries tomorrow, and have bought books to share with Steve and Bruce Baxter, our church development director for the conference. I don't seem to be finding the time to keep reading and writing, because I'm spending a lot of time doing!!! I am very interested to see how our meeting at Lee's Summit on Friday goes in regard to perhaps doing some restructuring of our conference boards/committees. etc...this all seems to be integrating in wonderful ways!

Bad Religion

Bad Religion
Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

Yesterday I took my 14 year old son down to Camp Galilee--to a week of UMC camp with high schoolers--he will be in ninth grade. He was the only one there I think with a mohawk, a few pink locks of hair amongst almost natural other color, and probably the only one who had listened with his mother to punk (some old school--some techno--some a little emo) on the way down to Eldorado Springs. Caleb likes for me to hear things he thinks I will like and then just BEAMS when he is right--we listened to my favorite, Bad Religion, and Process of Belief--Greg Gaffin's lyrics are proof for me of prevenient grace---God has already shown up in a lot of his words even though Bad Religion has made an art form of dissing organized religion. I wanted to show Bad Religion videos and discuss them with younger adults on the perifery at Broadway and never got around to it. Caleb also shared a group called Postal Service and the always popular with moms "Backstreet Boys." It makes me feel a little weird that there is no way that I know of to explain how much I want the church to engage culture--this part of the culture I think. There is lots more to say about this. And...I have been in cabinet all day. Do I feel schizzee or what?

A few snapshots of the day

whimsical-leap[1]
Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

--The pleasure of giving bags of Ghiardelli Chocolate to our two wonderful office staff persons for "putting-the-heck-up" with three newbie d.s.s for the last three weeks
--reading through the two "guys" (the 2 male dss with whom I share an office) autobiographical statements and really believing it's okay that we are all a little different, and that I may be the whimsical one, but that doesn't mean I don't take this very, very seriously.
--a good, good lunch with Dr. Knight, a good, good friend
--actually accomplishing (well, addressing) all the tasks on my list for the day. Ministry may be in the interruptions as they say, but when there are those who are counting on you to do what you said you would do, it's good not to have too many interruptions sometimes...
--going to the Northland Borders with Cana, who was MIGHTY snippy, but enjoyed it anyway. I bought two Chet Baker CDs and Eugene Peterson's newest book, Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places.
--and, today, again, no ministers quit.
It was a good day.

Praise Jesus I'm back at it!

Praise Jesus I'm back at it!
Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

Today I began again on my serious emerging journey---as the modernist I am, I set reading goals, activity goals, etc for the next month around all this. I continue to read this book, which is the one I recommend to folks new to the conversation. Today, I read an entry that was about the elephant in the living room that main liners don't like to talk about---the very small percentage of young adults who are choosing the ordained ministry---lots of second careerers, not too many young pups. Tomorrow I get to go visit one of, if not THE youngest of the student local pastors in my district, Michael Dunlap. I am feeling a real call to work with, mentor, encourage, help out, correct, etc these younger clergy.

Advice from Robert and Lovett

follow
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I have been messing around with my D.Min degree for TOO long..not making much progress at all on the program this past year, while reading voraciously in emergent literature and writing and doing a spot of teaching about it as well, as well as leading my-used-to-be congregation at Broadway along the emergent way. And now to d.s.-hood with what everyone says is a busier life. So at Annual Conference, a month ago (gee what a month it's been) I asked Robert Martin, who is the director of the Doctor of Ministry Program at St. Paul to "just tell me what to do." And he did, bless his directive heart. On Satruday night, June 4, 2005, as we sat eating at the Bread Basket Cafe in Columbia Missouri, Robert said to me (I may be paraphrasing): "Okay Susan,,,this is what you are going to do..." and then he said that I was going to focus on the emergent conversation and United Methodism as my project, and to write... a substantive work. So...then a week ago today, I sat with Lovett Weems at lunch at the Mexican place across from the seminary ... I was seeking his advice on Robert's suggestion, and the first thing I remember Lovett saying as we sat with chips and salsa before us, was, "follow your passion." I am passionate about many things...from my kids to the Cardinals to crocheting to the ministry possibilities of every church in my district. What Robert's advice was, was to focus that ministry passion for the next three or so years around this emergent thing, and to share the passion somehow. What Lovett's advice was, I think, was to make a contribution to those my age and particularly in my denomination, who need to know more about this.. Robert said to me something I am trying to keep in mind...that I will regret not doing this five to seven years from now if I don't. The voice of God perhaps? Methinks it may be so.

Emerging, Moving, Methodist

emerge
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Lots of good things going on...I think I sort of enjoy chaos actually. The movers come Friday. I am trying to get around to visit all the full time pastors who are moving into "my district" on the day they move in---the first one will be Wednesday. I have had a remarkable suggestion, that I have flown by three of four people, that I ought to write a fairly substantive work on emergent and Wesleyan themes and use that for my D.Min project. I am currently reading a book Lovett recommended entitled "Methodism" by David (?) Hempton and it is really pertinent to what I hope to do. Reading, of course, when I take a break from writing thank you notes to the many wonderful congregation members here at Broadway who have sent well wishes (and cash, too, by the way) and packing. After I move, I want to start writing more regularly. Afer I move, I want to get back into some of my disciplines. After I move, I hope to be made perfect in this life (sorry). I am in a hopeful mood.

A woman of one book...

VLBjuliebible
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And it ain't the Book of Discipline. The conversation that sticks most in my mind and heart this week was with the layman (a wonderful layman) who was our lay reader last Sunday. I did not use the lectionary last week, but chose as a part of speaking about the mothering love of God, to use Psalm 91. On Monday, this wonderful layman told me that he had a very hard time with that psalm, and reading it aloud, because it seemed to say that if you believe in God, then you will be protected...that your enemies will fall. He then told me and listed for me some historical cases where that did not happen. Instead of just listening and nodding, which some pastors near the end of their tenure might do, I opened my big mouth and first tried to state that ULTIMATELY we ARE protected by God's love--I even dared to explain some Benedicitine reading of the psalms, and how Kathleen Norris suggests we understand the enemy spoken about in so many as an INNER enemy, us fighting ourselves, etc, etc. He didn't buy it, and I felt that very familiar resentment I have felt that there are many leaders in the church here who are dismissive of specific scripture because it doesn't fit into what they believe is an acceptable understanding of who God is. I have failed to find a way to help folks to see that just because they don't understand the meaning of a scripture doesn't necessarilly mean that it doesn't have some meaning and something to say about who God is and thier own faith. I think Brueggemann and others talk about something called a canonical reading of scripture--that you simply take the bible as is, and then deal with the fact that there is a mystery involved that may require us to accept that there is a meaning there for us--not a literal meaning, which reduces the mystery out of it, but a meaning that requires us to go deeper into the mystery of God. I simply haven't found a way to get folks to see that just because they don't understand it, then it doens't have to be rejected. It is the modern understanding of faith that is the bigger issue--I don't understand how the resurrection can be true, therefore I reduce it to butterflies and ants that move rubber tree plants. One of the really promising things I hear in the emergent conversation is the invitation to trust of the mystery of it all, which requires at some point surrender. And I don't know how to get folks to go there who are overly cerebral in their faith--I've been trying for five years, and wish I had found some way to help that happen for more of the folks.

Odd, odd times

doors
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I know I haven't written much lately, mostly because there is so much going on that its hard to isolate what to write about. Packing has started some; I only preach three more times at Bway before I fly away north to Liberty. My last Sunday is June 12. One of the big projects I've been working on lately I just finished today-- a "devotional booklet" (for lack of a better name for it) for the pastors who are moving in the annual conference this year. It is thirty pages of poems, thoughts, scriptures, etc, from old alive now! issues and then a whole bunch of original poems by Hubert Neth. He is at his existential best in these poems and am I'm feeling really good about the "booklet." I'll distribute it at the "clergy on the move" seminar in a couple of weeks.

Jacob's Well

stairs emerging
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Last night I took the three boys from church whom I had worked with a year or so ago on their God and Church award for Boy Scouts, to Jacob's Well for worship. I had not been there on Sunday evening for two or three months--hadn't seen Tim for a month of so. What a profoundly wonderful, no-words-for experience it is--what, maybe 450 folks, mostly between 17 and 27, a GREAT band, projected icons and medieval art, white, white for Eastertide, shasta mum/daisies on the altar candles, expository preaching on the beheading of John the Baptist (!!!), and holy communion...who could ask for anything more??? I wanted my Caleb next to me, and I told him today after school that we are going next Sunday night.
I sensed God's spirit leading me last night, as I have all along amidst the emergent conversation. I feel like I have come home and at the same time called to a journey of ministry within my own denomination that is in the context of all of this. I am concerned that amidst all the administrative details of the superintendency this will be lost. I am SO enlivened by this emergent thing, it feels SO right, and I am scared for my beloved United Methodist church that we may somehow be being called to come and die to become something new again. Which sounds pretty threatening, Don't tell the Bishop...but then again, maybe that's why I am called at this moment to all that God is calling me toward....Wow

Bringing out the best in one another...

older adults
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Over the past several weeks, we have had several deaths in the congregation. The last two funeral/memorial services that I have had were for women in the nineties, one who had never married, the other who had been widowed for decades--both, by the way, were Harvey Girls! For both of these women, there were not any close family members. Today's service was at the church, in the parlor. The person who had been the main care giver for Elma was Jim, a long time, very active member of our church. Jim, along with some others, had helped Elma with her house, with legal matters, with medical matters, and after my sermon today, it was he who rose to thank those present, and others who could not be present, for their support of Elma, much as a younger brother might do. The most memorable part of the service was when a step-nephew of Elma's stood and spoke. As in many families where there has been re-marriage, there had been some tension and ill feelings, as Bob, the step nephew admitted. And, he said, with tears in his eyes, that he was so glad to be present and to hear the sharing that had taken place primarilly by church members, who spoke with love and appreciation for Elma. It gave him a perspective on her life that he had never had, and he was grateful to be able to remember Elma in a more positive way.
One definition of a church community that is healthy is that the members are able to bring out the best in one another. Churches are often at their best when there is a crisis in a member's life, and the petty differences between persons are put aside. I am so glad for the many of our church who find ways each week to quietly go about the ministry of care.

Learning how ...

friendship
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Making truly good friends for me has been a "sometimes" thing...itinerancy does not always provide the fertile soil of extended time, or the sunny rays of energy that it takes to grow the deep, true friendships that I sometimes have thought would be nice to have. Over the past year and a half or so, somehow, someway, through a gift of the spirit, I have been graced with a handful of very wonderful friendships with persons whom I did not know, or at least did not call true friends, five years ago. My life at times has been a solitary thing, not a sad thing, really, but often lived alone. I probably have had two really close friends over the past twenty years, in addition to Philip, my former husband--my relationship with him defies any word or model I really have witnessed anywhere else (I'll save that for another blog!) I think most probably that at least a significant part of my personal life's work for the rest of my life, will be to learn how to allow myself to be known well by trusted freinds. I am glad God has provided me with those persons. The superintendency, I know, can be a lonely thing. The greatest concern I have, aside from how this parenting thing will work, is how to continue to foster deep friendships, showing care and being cared for, in the midst of it.

My first box run! Yippee!

cardboard
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You know you are a United Methodist minister when...you get excited when you do your first "box run" of any move!!! I figured with three months to get ready, there is no reason why this move should not be the very most organized one I have ever made. I made my first box run tonight...during my box run phase is the only time I frequent local liquor stores...honest. The first visit is usually just to endear me to the liquor store manager/workers so that they will save the good boxes for me. I visited Berbiglia and Mike's Wine and Spirits (85th and Wornall). Mike's comes in with very high marks with me. Some decent boxes and two very nice guys, Steve and Julio? who gave me tips on when to come in and on what days. I even managed to tell them I was the minister down the street. I also visited a-to-remain-nameless grocery store, and boldly walked back into the produce store room, where I was a little disconcerted to see a "rodent station" warning. No boxes. Probably just as well.

I also am teaching yet another St Paul class tomorrow morning on emergent--I'm glad Mark Calhoun will be there to help as well. I feel like I'm getting sort of redundant, but I'm fairly excited about doing this. I share a two page synopsis I have, and a bibliography. I plan to have the class do some smaller group discussion, too. There will be 27 in the class.

A District Superintendent? (choke, choke, cough, cough)

The word is "so out" that I will suppose the Bishop would even sanction my writing about it now...yes, truth be told, I am told, I am to be a district superintendent come July 1. I am still caught in all the process of how this is happening, but must say I am extremely excited and my soul has been blessed with bliss in the midst of my mind's rationality. I don't know when I have been just this plain happy. And right now, I'm not worrying too much about being rational about it. I'm just joyful. I am not positive, as of this writing, which district it will be, though I hope to stay in the Kansas City area. Just plain happy. Is that weird, or what?

And happier still today as I helped (only a tiny bit) in leading worship for the installation service of Hal Knight in the Wright Wesleyan Studies chair at St. Paul School of Theology. And joyful in having lunch with some of the faculty and others as we helped the Knights celebrate. Hal has been a very special person for me this past year, and has helped me process some of the "evangelical renewal of heart and mind" of which my emergent interest arose. He has been constantly encouraging, never bowled over by my boundless (nearly) enthusiam about the emergent conversation and his humble spirit is an example to me of how to care and support without drawing attention to yourself. Thanks Hal!

Wednesday February 23...

and I had the delightful experience of having somebody at church tonight wonder why I hadn't written anything here lately! I didn't know anyone was reading it!!! I've had two deaths this week at church, and, for some reason, have had a renewed urgency about pastoral callling. A funeral today---a good funeral, actually, if any clergy out there know what I mean. A faithful woman, a believing family, and a great funeral meal at church...

More tomorrow, after going to the KC Emergent cohort with Caleb...
Thanks for reading!!!

ConneXion Coffeehouse--Part Deux

And something tells me there will be a part trois and quatre, aussi. In an hour or so, I am going with part of the Coffeehouse task group to look at equipment that a Christian coffee house that has gone out of business is selling--at a fraction of the price it is worth. It is such a rush when that God thing seems to be there--but I just want us to really believe that God thing seems to be there. Ah, this leadership thing. What a trip.

Last week's window view

Last week's window view
Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

The sun peaking through the palms...last week, while on Kauai on vacation, I awakened fairly early, for me at least, due to the time change...often getting up about 5 am, and getting the chance to see the sun rise over the Pacific. Lots of thoughts and emotions--the destruction of the tsunami, the beauty of the coast, Transfiguration Sunday on its way, with the brightness of Christ bursting through all the confusion and conflicting thoughts that run through my own mind...even when that confusion and conflict is caused by the many interests and concerns and passions I have for ministry and for what I feel called to do and be.

I am thankful especially this week for friends in the connexion--new and old, and one in particular who listened to me on Tuesday, and with forthrightness and honesty allowed me to feel more settled in mind and heart. Living as a single woman, I am always joyful to find men who offer that strength and can deal with my own strength in ways that are neither condescending nor overly reserved, but enable me to get a perspective on how I understand myself in ways that are refreshing, enlivening and health-giving.

The light of Christ shines brightly for me right now, and I am very, very grateful.

ConneXion Coffeehouse--a vision for ministry

It's Tuesday night after Church Council, where we heard from the ConneXion Coffeehouse task group...which received unanimous (that is NOT spelled correctly) support from the council members--yes, we are turning the original sanctuary, later Keystone Sunday School class in to a real coffeehouse/gathering place. It looks to cost about $40,000 for start up improvements, furnishings and supplies. The group received permission to ask the congregation for financial support to make this happen. One of the great gifts of ministry is to see an idea catch fire in a congregation and for people to find their voices in support. The Holy Spirit at work indeed!

More soon...I was on vacation (yes, on Kauai for a week) and read much ... Anthony Bloom's "Beginning to Pray" and Jim Wallis's "God's Politics" as well as Josephine Tey mystery novels and Honolulu newspapers...I'm revved up and ready to roll! A bit jet-lagged and head-achy but I have no right to complain!

Thank you, Brian...

Thank you, Brian...
Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

Yesterday I read portions of Brian McLaren's "A Generous Orthodoxy," turning, surprise, surprise, to the chapters entitled "why I am a Methodist" and "why I am an evangelical." Both are easilly readible and essentially hit the right spot, I think. He differentiates Evangelical (big E) from evangelical (little e) and describes what he finds to be essential to the evangelical---the passion of faith--to live out the life of discipleship passionately. I've been thinking more about Bishop Schnase's remarks last week about the pitfalls for clergy of loneliness and cynicism. I guess I yearn for more of us in ministry to live out our vocation in intellectually lively ways, but also in a way that is Spirit-led, inspired and passionate with desire to serve and to do and to be. Thanks, Brian, for your continuing help with overcoming old boundaries that define theological encampments, and encourage us to come out into a new world where our desire to address this generation with the love of Christ focuses us beyond our tendancies to typecast each other in melodramas full of shallow preconceptions...

Cana, The Knitter of All Knitters

Cana, The Knitter of All Knitters
Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

Miss Cana, our 15 year old daughter, is the queen of all knitters and crocheters, too, by the way---we spent time today at Michael's, she looking for a specific kind of afghan pattern, me looking for crochet hats patterns. I want to take small projects with me on vacation next week, and not lug the afghans I'm making right now. Tomorrow we are looking forward to going to the Studio, a knit shop on the Plaza.

Among many others projects, Cana is working on a knitted human body, organs included (they can be pulled out through the knitted person's mouth) as a project for her independent fiber arts class at her school.

Cana is such a whiz at this...she wants to go to the Art Institute...I hope she will be able to. Both these kiddos, she and her brother, Caleb are creative "out the bazooka"...and we are proud...messy, they both are, but creative...and most of the time, compassionate, at least to everybody but each other...

Our children...yes, I'm proud that they are not boring...not that any parent thinks of his or her children as boring...but NO parent could think of MYchildren as boring...oh, for Pete's sake, I'll shut up now!!!

Ministers' School

This will probably be too long and varied. I will learn how to manage this thing better.

The church newsletter left out my blog address. Ah well. There's always next week.

I was at our conference Ministers' School the last three days. It was really a good school, I thought. Marva Dawn and Tom Long were the leaders. I especially enjoyed Dr. Long's comments on the Seven Habits of Disaffective (?) Preachers--and Dr. Dawn is fairly provocative in much she says. I asked her if she and Brian McLaren had ever had a sit-down discussion or had been on the same agenda at a conference, and she said no. She did say that others had told her that he was saying many of the same things she is. I think that is true. It's my understanding that she and Leonard Sweet have sometimes been in disagreement about some things, but I think much that what she reminds us about worship---liturgical integrity, the place of truth and beauty, mystery, and authenticity, resonates with what I read from many folks in the emergent conversation. I wish she would attend to the current conversation more.

Perhaps the best of what I take away from Ministers School this year is the "conversation time" that Bishop Schnase offered this morning. To a question about his reflections on clergy spiritual formation, Bishop said he believed there are two major pitfalls for clergy ---loneliness and cynicism. Wow, do I ever agree. I have never struggled with cynicism, but do daily with loneliness. I know many colleagues who struggle with both. I think cynicism in some ways is more insidious, because it often springs from a sense of hopelessness that some feel--that nothing we do really makes much difference; that those in authority in the church--the bishop, the cabinet---are motivated not by the Holy Spirit but by human desire for power or institutional survival; that our churches won't change, or can't change. I am afraid I become fairly judgmental when I see that kind of cynicism in colleagues. Yet, in my better self, I know it arises from the soul, souls that are often injured by circumstances that make it hard to have hope.

Loneliness is something I know more about firsthand. Having been single now for over five years, and having moved several times over the last thirty years, I think loneliness is sometimes exacerbated by the itinerancy. We are told, and I know why and I guess I agree with it, that we are to cut ties at least for a significant amount of time, with persons in the congregations we are leaving. Building friendships takes time and energy that I don't always feel that I have. Last year, I very intentionally started to work on some friendship with clergy colleagues, and have made one of my resolutions this year to renew others that I have let slip.

This week, I was especially thankful for two particular friends with whom I was able to talk some about this continuing passion around emergent. I'm not sure if I was more grateful to my well-read friend Bart, who six years ago walked with me through the dark times of separation and divorce and my sister's death, and who, yesterday, sat and listened and listened as I talked about goals I have set around emergent for the next month, and yet, I know, wasn't all that familiar with some of what I was talking about---or if I was more grateful for Jim (what box, Jim?) who at lunch today brought me to tears when I told him I had set some goals and he asked me to tell them what they were--a simple thing, really, but what a huge joy to have someone who listens to this rambling voice of mine.

I'll share more about this sometime soon, but I have also set some reading goals on some classic literature on prayer, since I am going to preach a series on prayer during Lent. This week I've been reading O Hallesby's book entitled simply "Prayer" from the 1930s. He defines prayer as acknowledged helplessness, but with faith, opening the door to Jesus.

Going public

Today I made the announcement to staff, and wrote an article for our church newsletter, that I, in fact, have a blog, and actually listed the address for it in the newsletter. And so, my public blog life begins...

I am off to the conference Minister's School tomorrow at Tan-tar-a at the Lake of the Ozarks until Thursday afternoon. It's a time to hear some great speakers, to be with colleagues, and to hear rumblings of the "move machine" that will start its engine in a few weeks,. There are several retirements occurring amongst older colleagues, and there will be many moves this year.

Itinerancy is an interesting thing with which to live, and I have lived with it for the past 27 or so years. I think I really do understand the theological intergrity that, at least at one time or in a perfect world, that it had or is supposed to have. And I actually buy into it most of the time. There is something to be said about living in the moment, at least in the reality of a year at a time that itinerancy means for the pastor and for the church. It is sort of a metaphor for life--live for this year, not the next, no one is assured of more than this moment, live it to the fullest, etc. And simply to practice the spiritual discipline of placing your life and livelihood in the hands of the bishop, I think, is a practice of obedience that can foster a deepening of personal faith.

But, alas, our system is not perfect as no human-made system is. Some appointments work out, others don't. Some pastors are more gifted than others, and can fit well most any place. Others are more limited in gifts and others' lives are made difficult by family issues, and a spouse and children whose needs should be and must be priorities. Some churches are kinder and more accepting than others. Some pastors don't know how to lead. Some churches have forgotten how to be led.

But, this is the incarnation of the church that I love and which is a part of me through and through. And so, I would guess, I will live within this sometimes wonderful, sometimes troubling system for the rest of my borned days. Homeward bound, we all are, in one way or antoher, as Simon and Garfunkel reminded us many years ago. And wherever we are or find ourselves, we still are on that journey. What a life...what an adventure...what a joy.

Lovett's class

This morning I had the joy of speaking by phone to a Doctor of Ministry class Lovett Weems is teaching this week at Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington DC. Lovett knows of my interest in the emergent conversation and wanted me to share some about how I became so interested--it gave me a chance to reflect on it myself. One of the questions from his class today was whether or not this felt like an "un-natural act"--sort of taking on this new thing or whether it was more of an organic outgrowth of who I was/am already. It (the "it" being the reading and conversations I am having around emergent) has really been just a natural step, I think, and I am so passionate about it, both with my mind and heart, because much of what I am reading is what I already thought--but it is stretching me, too.

I still have not read "A Generous Orthodoxy" but plan to do that this week.

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Originally uploaded by scoxjohnson.

I've just learned how to post a photo here, and am resolutely making a resolution to blog often, if even for just my own enjoyment..but hey, if Bill Tammeus can do it, why not me???