My coach told me privately that i was among the 8 to be selected in the b div boys team for judo. And im probably the only sec 3. Chinjie cannot join cos his father dont allow and he's overweight for the extralight catagory (which im in) aniwae.
Well i dunno whether to be happy or anxious, even thou i might not be playing often, or i might even get kicked out if im not good enuff
But that's one thing im sure about.

I'm scared.

I'm scared cos im worried about performing poorly under pressure. I'm scared cos i dunno what to expect. I'm scared cos im worried i'll suffer a burnout from the killer trainings. I'm scared cos im worried that hci and all the other schools are stronger, possibly even stronger than us.

But i must rise to face these challenges. I can understand that this is a year for me to shine, and it's found in the many opportunities that God has given me. I will rise to become a monster and tear down the opposition under pressure. I will rise to face all uncertainties. I will rise to emerge from every training even stronger, even fiercer. I will rise and help Raffles Judo become the giant among dwarves, a Goliath in appearance but a David within.

It's in uncertain times that one starts to experience God. God please help me carry on through the darkness, to find Your Light.
And also the elusive gold medal.

I feel like im wasting too much time in my life, and i feel powerless to change my old habits.

St Nick's fair was messy, but yea the messyness made it even more interesting. And going there with zhongren tops it all. And there were a lot of hot girls there. Haha. Especially some of the cheerleaders. But im not interested, yes im sure abt this. Im not interested in getting a gf anytime soon.
Aniwae i got lots of fun playing all the guailan stall games and getting riped off by the food. And zr surprisingly met a lot of people he knew there, while i only met 1. Well actually not just one but a few, but the rest i dun noe well, so they just daoed me. :(

Aniwae meet Mr Jerry Chew, my mpp grp's student-mentor later on in school, then discussed mpp stuff (apparently NYGH girls were spotted in the NUS library the day after the mentors' tea, which is crazy but typical of them), then a few of us including mr chew went to J8 food junction to chat over dinner. And it was pretty informal, talking abt school and GEP and everything RI and army and university and girls. Well there were a lot of juicy bits, but for privacy reasons i shall not say (even thou im itching to spill it all out). Well apparently we have broke MPP rules by being informal, but who gives a damn aniwae. I might as well call him by his first name next time whenever we're finished with our meeting.

Somehow i was emoing on the train ride home. A lot of places i went to today brought abt sad memories. Like amk mrt station, kembangan mrt station, tanah merah mrt station. Thats a lot of mrt stations.
And my wallet is left with 30 cents, which means im broke, and im pretty happy abt it sumhow.
Aniwae im back, and im planning to chiong hw tonite (and possibly watching Man Utd match in the process).

Oh yea btw pls check out the link above. Its actually a website started by Singapore Press Holdings, gonna check it out myself, its about everything singapore. And talkin abt singapore, support Electrico! They have a really nice new song, which you can download for free from this link!

And last point. My blog tagboard's been pretty quiet. Please help to liven it up! Thanks.

I think im becoming more and more beaten up during training. During one training last week or the week before, i got 6 knocks on my head, from knees, ankles, and the mat. And yesterday's training was another opportunity for me to bruise myself up. I now have one big bruise swelling on my shin. Sian.
I think its time for a break. But i doubt i'll get it anytime soon. Training's gonna intensify, and then mr tan has a PT plan for us, to do on tues and thurs. And adding to it theres my weights programme and cardio workouts. And there's still the MMA club and more interhouse and interclass sporting events coming up, and i still have my ever-so-important studies and Moot Parliament and CEC. I hope i dun suffer a burnout. I just have to find a balance
I wonder if i shud go back to city harvest church, join kenneth low's cg perhaps. But i cant make it for his cg's meeting cos its in bukit timah. Maybe i shud also check out bartley christian church, which zhongren is going to, but i'll probably be isolated cos of the age-based layout, cos zr is sec 4 while im sec 3.

I wonder if i can be superman and make it out alive this year.
Perhaps, if God willing...

What's the meaning of love? Many asks this question, but do not find the answer.
It starts with God.
Am i willing to take that first step towards him?

You might be wondering why im up so late. Well i just watched Rambo 4 and 2 episodes of Human Weapon.
Rambo 4 is cool, especially the part where Rambo stabbed and slit the abdomen of the escaping Colonel, then all his guts came splling out. Somehow Rambo is able to make body parts fly, while Bush's boys in the M of the E cant.

Human weapon is nice. And after watching 3 episodes on Krav Maga, Muay Thai and Silat, i want to learn them all! I've long aspired to learn Muay Thai and Silat (thou silat is unlikely cos i'll be the only chinese dude among the mats and minahs), and Krav Maga is effective and combat-proven.
But real combat is undefined, limitless, ever-flowing. And all the martial arts are only a small percentage of the methods. Martial art is only a way to catagorise fighting. There are so may ways to stand, approach, attack, defend, and retreat, so many concepts to apply, be it a circle, a flowing motion, a series of swift strikes. And then there are weapons. Its infinite.
But i've no need to learn to fight, cos im a civilised person in a civilised society, and i uphold peace and non-aggression (except when threatening misbehaving classmates).
But i want to learn aniwae. I want to learn Krav Maga, Muay Thai, Silat, Wing Chun, Hapkido, Jujutsu, Brazilian Jujutsu (BJJ), Ninjutsu, Qigong, Tai Chi Gong, and so many more. Sadly my pockets are empty and my timetable is full. :(
Damn im becoming a martial arts freak.

I gotta sleep. Good nite and good morning.

Sorry for not blogging for quite a while. Feeling lazy, yeah. Haha.
Well the week passed normally. Inhaled lots of dust on monday, did weights differently on tuesday (graduated senior told me that i shud go for strength instead of endurance), wed was ok except for the distribution of 185 (aka prisonbreak) shirts (size doesnt matter aniwae, since i doubt people are gonna wear it regularly), thursday community day was happy and meaningful, felt really happy to be able to bring joy to the lives of Minds kids (we should all learn from them to appreciate the simple things in life).
So today is Good Friday, the day when Jesus Christ gave his life so that we can live in eternity. May God bless you all, regardless of language, race, religion, Osama(s) or Bush(es).

Bukit Timah is a messy place with many rich buggers and poseurs, but their common link with everyone else is that they are alive and they take public transport. Yea maybe my idea of a rich person is too exaggerated, of flashy cars and chauffeurs.

Well today the judo meet was ok, not too bad. I'm quite impressed with the hci judokas' technical skill, and they are quite friendly too, even to someone who nowadays dun smile often (which is me). Actually ri judokas can be better than them, just that many do not have the commitment, eg my former self. Actually frankly speaking, my confidence has been boosted and drained at the same time. I think im somewhat on par with the hci sec 3s, but i just cannot do certain throws. Im like stuck on just one throw. But mr tan will help me address that. I aim to be a lot stronger, a lot more skilled, so i gotta train hard. Some of the hci guys are well built, but im gonna be tougher than them, something like the national team guy called pei chen (dialect and eng name is pui seng) who aso happens to be from hci. And i also gotta mug hard cos 4 years will pass in a flash and it'll be the A levels.
I want no regrets.

Hci is also a messy place, but it is a very spacious campus. They have enough space for a full rugby/soccer field with track, and lots of room to spare. And its BUKIT TIMAH, PRIME ESTATE! Sigh. ri is supposed to be the nation's elite school, but it is built on a graveyard. Even rgs is located near orchard. Fengshui, perhaps?

Sumhow i see the ri and hci seniors all wearing and using branded stuff. And i see myself following in their footsteps, in fact not just me but many of my schoolmates. I guess its normal to follow trends and fashion at this age.

And maybe one day, you shud try imagine a hci guy wearing a nygh pe shirt, paired with hci pe shorts.
Dang it feels so sad to be a bachelor. Haha. I dun even have much female friends. But well yea i shudnt get distracted now, when im not mentally prepared, and it is not necessary to go all out to be friends with all the girls in singapore.

Hci judo used naruto (?!?!?!) as their vocal inspiration. Shud i use hamtaro on a bruce lee body?

It's my birthday, and the weather is great! A fine sunny day, after consecutive days of spirit-dampening stormy weather.
Well although it's my birthday, i just went thru it like any other day. Too lazy to organize a gathering, and i find it unnecessary to buy a cake or watever stuff. As long as my life is happy and meaningful, that is my best birthday present.

But well, presents are always welcomed! Just dont commit self-robbery. Haha.
*hint: billabong/quiksilver wallet =D*

It's officially my birthday. And i share it with many other people, including famous nerds, athletes, celebs, and even royalty.
But sumthing fucked-up cropped up.
I got a sms from 9***7056, which i didnt store in my hp, but i assume the number belongs to girl A (still rmb her?), wishin me happy bdae. But i wasnt really amused at seeing that sms. So i did pushups, and i do pushups either when i feel like it, or when i get emotionally worked up.

So to girl A: I dun need your apology, nor do i want one or will i accept one from you. I only want totally erase this memory of you. It's not the fact that u're words were harsh, nor the fact that you had a relationship with that motherfucker. But it is the fact that you fucking bitch and ur motherfucking ex LIED TO ME ever since 30 DECEMBER NIGHT. And I HATE LIARS. While i have buried this anger within me, you have dug it out again. The fact that YOU LIED and HE LIED added insult to injury. You made me look stupid, sound stupid, act stupid, and now you want to laugh at me somemore? I should have trusted my own instincts that there was something fishy between both of you.
I'm just being more tolerant and patient that usual. You have yet to see the ugly side of me.

I've acted very stupidly in the past, and made a fool of myself many times. Now i just want to forget everything, and concentrate on the right stuff. Luckily i have good friends to talk to, and to see advice. Like my friend wei chuan, on the way back from queensway, i shared with him my past, and he said that i was looking at things from a completely wrong point of view. And his advice was that whenever i think back about the past, i should laugh at myself for being silly and laugh the thoughts off. Well, im just not matured enough, but yea i'll grow up.
Well i want to focus on school rite now, but i wont rule anything out if i meet miss right, which wont happen so easily. 2 years of lack of focus has taken its toll on me.

Well back to a happy mood. Happy Bdae to myself! ROAR!

P.S. On second day of training camp, saw sum imba rjc gymnast with well-defined body. Damn. I should aim for a body like his.

Sad. Just watched the contender asia on youtube. Zach lost due to shoulder injury already sustained before the fight. I thot Zach's technique looked beautiful, compared to Zidov's. But Zidov is more aggressive and daring. If Zach's injury had not worked up, i think they both had equal chances. Zach might win with clean, powerful punches and kicks, or Zidov might win by pressurizing Zach and then take advantage of his mistakes. And why the arab head gear?

We're proud of you, Zach.

Yay! Judo camp over. Now for HCI/Nanyang-Raffles Judo Meet. As our seniors put it, "they are our rivals, not enemies. They are still a bit humane." Hmm. Aniwae over the past 2 days, i think i've learnt quite a bit, and hopefully i can apply it to my sparring style.

Well on sunday, went to IT show with rixing daniel and wei chuan, saw the usual stuff, met eddy and accompanied him to try out the Williams F1 Simulator at the Lenovo booth (he screwed up apparently :( a younger guy was even more pro). Then after that went back to find the trio, then followed wei chuan to queensway and got myself a pair of nice Nike sneakers (Made in China!) which i love a lot.

Oh yea, my coach and my senior recommended me to try out a TCM (if u dunno what it means u suck) herb which, when taken, apparently allows u to bulk up suddenly within a short period of time. I think i may want to try it, since i think stuff from nature is more trustworthy than manufactured stuff like creatine or protein powder, plus herbs are made up of many compounds that offer a variety of benefits.

Just signed up with 2 blog ad websites, nuffnang and adverlets. Dunno whether it'll work out fine.
Off to IT Show!

MPP Mentors' Tea was at NUS Law Faculty instead of Grange Road, and the faculty was at sum ulu spot next to Botanical Gardens, even thou the spot cant be considered as very ulu, being next to Bukit Timah Road.

Yea so our expert mentor is sum soft-spoken, young but wise-looking man called Mr Toh Shin Hao. Our student mentor is Mr Jerry Chew, who despite looking a bit muggerish, confesses to play Winning Eleven during lectures. Then we and mr chew talked abt RI boys being marginalised or alienized or sumthing like that, how the rg girls in his batch prefers acsi dudes, how his situation is the same as our situation, him sitting on the same bus as bishan gay, him not knowing that the leacherous-looking guy on the bus was bishan gay until yesterday, him being a geper and we telling him that GEP merged with SE, and my friends telling him (sumthin i also didnt know), that when the stream merger was proposed, GEP students started a petition and got the SE dudes to sign it too. Then i expressed my opinion that merger wasnt such a bad thing, cos i got to meet a lot of jokers from SE.

Ok thats is a lot of stuff to digest. So on to the serious stuff, which i cannot divulge due to competition among schs, and the fact that our team is the sole team representing RI (YEAH MUGGER PRIDE!), and we want to do well. My brain was working slightly faster, but my mouth was working slowly. Nick said that he and giff were the talkers while me and chinkie were the workers. I wonder if its true.

In the end, we went to Orchard aniwae, since there was a bus to far east and no bus to paradiz, where we wanted to LAN. We had subway for lunch (a footlong for me), and we walked all the way from far east, to sommerset, to dohby ghaut, to paradiz. Played CS (which i was pretty pro at, despite being MIA for quite a while, had lots of kills and died only a few times), and Dota (something i will never master, had 2 kills and god-knows-how-many deaths).

Going out again today with friends, to the IT show, then sneaker-hunting. Im still undecided if i shud spend the money on sneakers.

I originally had much to post, but forgot most of them. So i'll just sum up term 1.

Term 1 has been an emotional, mental and physical rollercoaster for me. But i've settled most of my issues, and put it behind. Now i'm more focused, more ready for what's ahead. As i enter term 2, i hope to push myself to the highest gear, and strive hard. And i will emerge a physically, emotionally, mentally, academically, and technically stronger person. I'm gonna prove that i'm more that just an ordinary guy.

Tomorrow's MPP Mentors' Tea. Most likely will run into her.
Tomorrow will be the last time i hope to see her, and i hope the last time i will see her. After that, i'm gonna throw all the memories aside.

I'm gonna ROAR!

P.S. I wonder if the poodle's coping fine.

Training today was good. And sumhow rg training is more conducive than ri training, cos it's quiet and peaceful, without all the distraction from table tennis and gymnastics. That's why we should have a new training area, separated from all the other ccas. Our dojo is in very poor condition. Sigh.
Talking abt elitism. Look at rugby, with their new $200,000 artificial grass field. Grrr... Our dojo will cost less than half of that to renovate. The sch is f**ked-up. Zzz...

My team got into moot parliament. :) But we were the only RI team. :( But dun worry, with imba debaters like adil, renjie and nick quah around, we will survive and emerge victorious. :)
So MPP Mentors' Tea is on saturday, old RI @ Grange Road. Then can go orchard.

I wonder if i shud go lido and catch sharkwater tmr, at the expense of CCA time. Maybe i shud, cos i love documentaries. Then can go around orchard before that.

Orchard, oh orchard. Dots...

I still havent gotten a pair of sneakers. I wonder if i need them. I wonder if i shud spent the money on them. Hmm. Nvm can go far east plaza to take a look, since it's at orchard aniwae.

Collecting 5-cent coins is a stupid, weird, lame hobby. But i do it aniwae. Dunno why. I think im close to having abt $20 worth of 5-cent coins. Wow.

It rained again today, so no tennis b div finals, postponed for the second time.

Math cct was a miracle, the opposite for biology. Time management played a major role is the lost of marks in both cct. Had worried abt failing math, got 21/30 instead, but could have done better if i had more time. Could have done way better for bio, but spent too much time in MCQ, so didnt do 2 crucial questions, losing 8 marks, so i got 25/40 :( I gotta work harder, cos i wasted too much time for the last 2 years.

Wonder if my grp got into MPP. Hope we did, hope all 3 RI teams did. And IT Show's coming! My dad's probably gonna get a new telly there, cos our very, very old tv that we've been surviving on for a while, is going bonkers.

Went to the dentist yesterday. Wanted black, but no more, so went for colourless instead. Then Dr Tan showed me his cool Ipod Touch, and i bet he was even better than the Apple salespeople. He said he ordered 2 iphones just for the fun of hacking them, cos he doesnt need them. Ipod Touch is seriously cool, but i cant afford it, nor do i use many of its functions, cos RI doesnt have wifi for students. So i'll just stick to my ipod classic.

Finally, holidays are coming!

Judo Training Camp is coming. Raffles-HCI/Nanyang Judo Meet is coming. Kyu Grade Exam (green belt!) is coming. Community Day is coming. Wow. Thats only a small part of the events coming up for me.

And happy birthday to Ling Fei (shall spare him all the nicknames)!

My class is uncontrollable. Sian. I wonder if i have to resort to physical confrontation just to force people to get serious. Or is it just their nature not to be serious? Sadly my energy is limited, and the other cec members and the lone prefect arent helping much either.
But well i do admit some people in class are quite comical and amusing, and it helps to make lessons not so torturing. =D

I hate it when certain (GEP) people turn their blogs into self-glorification propoganda machines, despite already having a poor reputation in class.

You & Me by Lifehouse

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

And me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

"Shock & Awe" took on a new meaning today.
Shocked and awed by how much a chili padi Elsa Chew is.
Scarred. For at least a few days.

How long does it take to forget months of memories? A long time i guess.
And by then it'll all probably flood back.

Sian i want to catch a movie. Long time since i watched one. Im considering L changes the world, since i love the death note series (thou im not a fan of anime or manga). It brings bad memories, some of which im not sure whether i shud think abt or not. Anyone who hasnt watched it, mind watching it with me?

Sian there's still history and SS projects, both on creating newspaper. troublesome eh.

Shud i get a pair of sneakers? Shud it be white based? Shud it be nike or adidas? Sian if only i was sum rich kid that doesnt need to bother abt a word called budget. Do i even need sneakers? I guess i do.

Finally term one coming to an end. And i think i need to buck up as a monitor, or else i'll lose respect from my classmates. No more fooling around for me, which means an end to g*y antics to frighten people.
And i hate the fact that my classmates blame me for getting them into trouble, when it was others who blurted everything out. And as monitor, am i supposed to lie to a teacher when questioned? Where does loyalty and class bonding comes in? They dun say it out, but i can sense sumthin amiss. And yes i am still unhappy that dewin couldnt keep his big mouth shut. Not as if bryce was gonna burn the whole school down. zzz.
I dun want the class to break apart even before the first of 2 year ends. And i really dun want to have any animosity with my classmates.

I really hope my team gets into the Moot Parliament Programme. So that i can work hard and show what im made of, even thou im not debate-trained.

At times i still think about you, abt the chats we had on random, lame, and sumtimes r-rated stuff. Haha. Guess tts cos we're young and energetic then. But times have changed, the situation has changed, and so have you and i. It's impossible to return to the past. It's my fault i guess.
Thanks for the memories.

4 months left to change myself. But a lifetime left to create a legacy.

I think im starting to like basketball. And i picked up sum tennis skills from stephen! So more basketball, soccer and tennis in the future for me. And mugging too.
And seems like the muaythai club im setting up with eddy is gonna change to a mixed martial arts (MMA) one, which is COOL!

My parents dun seem too happy after yesterday nite. Cos of me failing chinese. :(

Now it's not the time to rue past mistakes. I gotta pick myself up fast, fast, fast. Gotta get my ass moving, gotta wrk harder, work faster, gotta push myself.