More School Frustration

I have had about all I can take of our school. If I could homeschool, I would. We've been having trouble with the school all year. No one wants to listen or understand. I think part of it is they don't understand the disorder and the other part is they think they can blow us off because we're young. Unfortunately for them, at 24 I have a better understanding of how schools should work than most of their other parents. In any case, my hubby is going to school to be a teacher. I work at a university where every day I am working with teachers looking to get continuing education. My coworkers have all worked in education as teachers, principals and superintendents. So, if I don't know something I can easily find someone in my building to help.

So, one of my husband's classmates is observing in B.'s classroom this semester. Right or wrong, she gave us some information about the class, such as:
1. When she asked the teacher why B was in the classroom, she said she had no idea, she'd have to check the IEP.
2. They checked the IEP and found out it was for RAD, but the teacher "really doesn't know what that is." (Despite my numerous attempts to educate her.)
3. B is BORED. She spends half the day staring off into space.
4. B gets yelled at constantly, even though her behavior isn't any different than the rest of the kids.

On Wednesday, another student kicked a chair, and hit B in the mouth, cracking her lip open. It was NOT reported to the principal. The student received a time out and was told to apologize. Last year, B pushed a desk across the room and was suspended. Interesting. That set me off. I called the principal who said she had no idea what I was referring to, and I needed to speak with the teacher. So I left a message for the teacher, as I was told she had left for the day. I asked what actions were taking to resolve the chair issue, and also to let her know I want B out of Special Ed. She called when I was out taking a walk at work, trying to regulate myself. She said she absolutely refuses to move B to a regular classroom as her attitude is inappropriate and she is rude and not doing well, and if I read her note home for the day I would understand why.

Okay. So, I read the note. Apparently B and a classmate were making a loser sign at another girl. So she got in trouble. Later she mouthed back at the teacher. What she said I have no clue. But then she had to do spelling words. She hates spelling words. Of course, B didn't want to do it though, so she was being difficult. B told her teacher that her mom only makes her do her spelling words three times, so that is how many times she will do them. The teacher's response? Making an 8 year old dysregulated RAD kid write the words ten times EACH. Anybody want to guess how many got done? That's right - ZERO. So she sends them home for homework. Yeah right. The kid was a crazy mess by the time we got home. I could just see it in her eyes, and it broke my heart. She was supposed to go to Girl Scouts, but I couldn't take her. It felt like it would be irresponsible to take that stressed out baby and make her do anything else. So we went to the grocery store instead and she picked out a fun dinner and ice cream then went home and watched tv and cuddled. We didn't do the spelling words. I refuse to fight and push her to do something when she was that dysregulated already. I don't know if I made the right choice or not, but it was the only thing I could do.

My biggest issue with the school is that I have tried numerous times to explain B's condition to the teacher. I have called, emailed, given information, techniques on dealing with behaviors and more. But what was I told - she's fine, she's so sweet and well-behaved. She is a pleasure to have in my class. Mmm-hmm. And I said, yes right now she is, but if you let her get away with things now, you are only making things more difficult for yourself down the road. Well, here we are down the road. Things have gotten more difficult, and the teacher is ticked off because this isn't the same sweet little girl. Well surprise of all surprises! I never expected that!

I called today and requested a meeting immediately. I'm still waiting for a return call...

Stay the Same

So, things have been a little better this week. Not quite as many issues, and when she starts it isn't lasting as long. We've had a pretty busy week though, so she probably hasn't had as much time to get worked up about anything. Last night as I was driving home, I found a song on my New Kids on the Block Greatest Hits CD that I played for B. (Yes, I openly admit I'm a huge NKOTB fan). It's called Stay the Same, it was a single a few years back by Joey McIntyre. I played it as we were driving home last night, but it was still going when we pulled into the driveway. I reached to turn it down, and B lunged from the backseat to grab my arm and stop me. She wanted to hear the rest of it. When the song was over, she said "I want to be able to be myself, but it's hard sometimes." Aw.

Now, again, I wonder if she meant it or if it was one her manipulations - I have no idea. For Valentine's Day, though, I'm going to print the words and laminate them for her room. It's such a sweet song, and I think it will be good for her to see the words. (Extra bonus - she can't tear it up when she's mad if it's laminated!! ha!)

Stay the Same - Joey McIntyre

Don't you ever wish you were someone else
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
Cos there's nothing bout you I would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Believe in yourself
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself
You will come alive.
Have faith in what you do,
You'll make it through.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like they you are
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
Cos there's nothing bout you I would change.

These past few weeks have been crazy. B. is having tantrums every day, and it doesn't matter what I do, they haven't stopped. Yesterday, I found the blog "Journey to Being a Normal Little Kid," by J. She is 8 years old and in second grade, just like B. We don't have internet at home, so I printed out the blog and read most of it to B. She seemed completely stunned that there was another girl out there just like her. Every time I read a RAD behavior that B does that J also did, she got this funny look on her face, like, oh, wow! I'm starting a journal at home for B. so maybe she can start getting some feelings out. When I was finished reading J's journal, she even asked if we could hang it on her wall, so when she started getting RAD behaviors she could read it. Now, this could be total manipulation on her part or she could have really meant it. Honestly, I have no idea which is true. But since nothing else is working, I'm going to take the highlights from J's journal and type it onto one page to hang in her room. So, I guess we'll see where that takes us.

On Sunday, we went to Indiana to surprise one of my best friend's for her birthday. She was visiting her boyfriend there,, and it was only a 2.5 hour drive for us. It was great to see her. It was hard having B. there, though, because she tries so hard to make herself the center of attention. And I always sound like the mean old lady not letting the kid have fun. I tried to ignore as much as I could, just so I could enjoy the day. All in all, it was great. Of course, B was dysregulated when we got home. I'll spare details but I dug up quite a huge pile of Lifesavers in her bedroom. Fantastic.

I've been feeling a little more relaxed these past few days, which has been nice. I got the free 30 day pass to Bally's, so I'm in my second week now. It's been really great. I get up and leave the house between 5:45 and 6:30. I'm able to get an hour in, then get cleaned up and head to work. It's perfect, because the gym is right on my way to work. It's made me feel better to have that time to myself, and I don't have to deal with B's drama in the morning. It's so wonderful to only have to worry about taking care of myself for those few hours. I'll be sad when my 30 day pass is up! My husband wants me to join, but I'm afraid to get locked into a contract right now, so we'll see. Maybe they'll have a deal I can't refuse come up over the next couple weeks!

Tonight I have to have B do her Valentine's. The good thing about Special Ed is we only have to worry about 7 students!!