I hate traveling up north. I just wasn't meant for the snow and cold weather. We were planning to leave tomorrow morning to head to Green Bay, but they are supposed to get more snow, so we are now leaving tonight, and staying the night in Milwaukee, then going to GB on Tuesday night as originally planned. And surprise of all surprises, I haven't packed, I have three loads of laundry to do, and I am supposed to work until five. Hopefully, I can leave a couple hours early today.
If I haven't mentioned it, I'm not looking forward to this trip at all. Butterfly was on the phone with her grandparents last night. She immediately goes into adult mode when she talks to them. So she's going on and on about helping with the grocery shopping, making dinner, cleaning, running errands, etc. And I just want to scream "She's EIGHT! Let her be EIGHT!" And she's asking them about their jobs, and commenting on how adorable her cousins are - they're the exact same age. She just morphs into a mini-version of her grandma and I can't stand it. She doesn't say anything about playing or going sledding or doing kid things. And her Gma loves when she acts like an adult, she thinks it's so sweet. And I keep telling her it's not good, and to stop and not allow it. But I'm just being a witch and I need to chill out. Fantastic.
And Butterfly acts so fake with them, but they don't see it. She is so afraid to be herself with them, so she acts like this fake little girl that is living the perfect life, and she's the perfect little girl that everyone should love. I just want to smack them all and say look at how scared she is! If you cared anything about your granddaughter, you would clue in to what is really going on. But they are wrapped up in their fake world, too so they don't see a thing. It's sad. I could go on about this forever, so I'll stop myself. But I just hate how these people guilt trip me into feeling horrible that they don't see their granddaughter, when they never call or never visit. They only call once every two weeks, IF it fits into their schedules. They never talk to me to find out how she's doing. They complain that she doesn't write letters (she can barely write a sentence). They complain that I ruin their time with her when we visit. (if i could stay home, i gladly would.) It just never ends. They have a whole list of reasons why their relationship with her has changed, and it mostly revolves around being my fault. They never look at themselves and what part they play in it. I would love for her to have another set of grandparents, that love her, and care about her and what is best for HER. But they are to wrapped up in themselves and making her fit into their world. It makes me sick.
Sorry for the rant. It's so easy to get caught up in.
So, I will be rereading the Twilight book series all weekend, and I don't know what else. I just don't know how I'm going to make it the whole week. I will just do my best to keep to myself, because I know anything I say will be ignored, and I don't want to make another scene. So, I'll grin and bear it.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
RAD Never Fails!
I picked up Butterfly on Friday. She was worried about how I would react to her spelling test results. Her teacher gave her 4 chances, and she got 8 right in total. She thought I was going to flip, but I calmly explained that she did very well and I was proud. You could just see the relief wash over that little face. Anyways, our girl's night went well. She started acting fake, the way she thought I wanted her to act. I stopped her, told her there was no need to be fake with me, and we wouldn't continue the night with that behavior. She stopped immediately. We painted her nails, ate pizza and drank our sparkling grape juice. She was genuinely excited. Then I told her we were going to see the play, and she lit up even more. We had a great time, and it was so fun for her. Of course, I'm one of those moms that is always trying to teach a lesson, she she asked for popcorn and soda as soon as we walked in (she just finished filling up on pizza) so I said no, we didn't need it. And just because it was there, doesn't mean we need it. She looked puzzled, and I said I know you are used to always getting your way and getting whatever you want, but we don't always need to get something, and we can enjoy the play just fine without soda and popcorn. And we did, and she survived, and I complimented her on surviving! And she said, yeah we really didn't need it!
The next day, we did a lot around the house. For the most part she was very good. Not at all the crazy, angry girl I expected. Sunday morning, my parents took her to Build-a-Bear to build 10 bears for needy kids. She did great. She didn't ask for one for herself, and she understood that it wasn't about her. Of course, I gave her a choice before she left - ask for a bear today, get one, and forgo your Christmas gifts, or be respectful and helpful and get your gifts next week. She chose option 2, and kept to it. But normally she could care less and would throw a tantrum. So yay for her. And my hubby and I got a chance to go to breakfast, and look for furniture. Always more fun without a little one.
But as the title says, RAD never fails. When we got home, Butterfly was good for awhile, and then she slowly started letting it go. Everything was an issue, everything was dramatic. She was looking for every way possible to push my buttons. Some I was able to deal with appropriately, some got the best of me. She went to bed, and then Monday was a snow day. And she let it rip all over again. Luckily, my hubby was with her most of the day while I went to work, and then he worked that night. She was supposed to be cleaning her room because I told her it would be getting a massive overhaul to get rid of all of the crap in it. I said I would help when I got home from work. Well, she asked her dad if she could go play with the neighbors, and he asked if her room was done. She said "mom said I only have to clean my bins and my bookshelf." He said that didn't sound right. Her response? "Do I need to talk slower for you? Mom...said...I...only..." Good thing he's calmer than me. I told her if she had said that to me her butt would have been sitting at the end of the driveway until her father got home. Anyways, she just was looking for every way to get me screaming last night after her dad left, but I kept it under control, and just put her to bed. She obviously needed it.
So, the thing that is driving me crazy right now? Why does she have to involve herself in every single conversation, no matter the topic. She has NO CLUE what she is saying. We were talking about my cousin who is away at college for the first time right now, and she decides to insert her thoughts. We talk politics, she inserts her nonsensical views. We discuss bills, she inserts her thoughts. I never did that as a kid! Does she really feel like she is going to be forgotten about if her voice is not constantly heard? Trust me, that child is unforgettable. I usually tell her to knock it off, which usually gets her going more. So now, I've taken to ignoring it because I'm not sure what else to do. But it is going to make me crazy and then some.
I'm praying for no more snow days this week. The next two weeks of constant togetherness is going to be more than I can handle!
The next day, we did a lot around the house. For the most part she was very good. Not at all the crazy, angry girl I expected. Sunday morning, my parents took her to Build-a-Bear to build 10 bears for needy kids. She did great. She didn't ask for one for herself, and she understood that it wasn't about her. Of course, I gave her a choice before she left - ask for a bear today, get one, and forgo your Christmas gifts, or be respectful and helpful and get your gifts next week. She chose option 2, and kept to it. But normally she could care less and would throw a tantrum. So yay for her. And my hubby and I got a chance to go to breakfast, and look for furniture. Always more fun without a little one.
But as the title says, RAD never fails. When we got home, Butterfly was good for awhile, and then she slowly started letting it go. Everything was an issue, everything was dramatic. She was looking for every way possible to push my buttons. Some I was able to deal with appropriately, some got the best of me. She went to bed, and then Monday was a snow day. And she let it rip all over again. Luckily, my hubby was with her most of the day while I went to work, and then he worked that night. She was supposed to be cleaning her room because I told her it would be getting a massive overhaul to get rid of all of the crap in it. I said I would help when I got home from work. Well, she asked her dad if she could go play with the neighbors, and he asked if her room was done. She said "mom said I only have to clean my bins and my bookshelf." He said that didn't sound right. Her response? "Do I need to talk slower for you? Mom...said...I...only..." Good thing he's calmer than me. I told her if she had said that to me her butt would have been sitting at the end of the driveway until her father got home. Anyways, she just was looking for every way to get me screaming last night after her dad left, but I kept it under control, and just put her to bed. She obviously needed it.
So, the thing that is driving me crazy right now? Why does she have to involve herself in every single conversation, no matter the topic. She has NO CLUE what she is saying. We were talking about my cousin who is away at college for the first time right now, and she decides to insert her thoughts. We talk politics, she inserts her nonsensical views. We discuss bills, she inserts her thoughts. I never did that as a kid! Does she really feel like she is going to be forgotten about if her voice is not constantly heard? Trust me, that child is unforgettable. I usually tell her to knock it off, which usually gets her going more. So now, I've taken to ignoring it because I'm not sure what else to do. But it is going to make me crazy and then some.
I'm praying for no more snow days this week. The next two weeks of constant togetherness is going to be more than I can handle!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Christmas Fun
Last night was Spaghetti with Santa at Butterfly's school. We went last year, and it was horrible. Butterfly was totally overwhelmed, and I just can't take it when she gets like that. Not to mention, you spend $20 on "dinner" then go get real food to eat afterwards, so the night ends up costing close to $50. Needless to say, my hubby and I were not interested in participating this year. But we knew Butterfly would be upset because she thought she'd be missing out, so I came up with a wonderful plan!
After she finished studying her spelling words, we hopped in the car, grabbed her a Happy Meal at McDonald's, and went to see the Way of Lights at the Shrine. Last year we went on Thanksgiving, but with so much family around this year, it just wasn't possible. So this was the perfect time. It is a huge light display that tells the story of the birth of Jesus. (www.snows.org) We played a religious Christmas CD that St. Nick brought while we drove through. She loved it! She loves seeing the lights and hearing about Jesus. We also had to stop into the gift shop so I could get something for my Goddaughter's baptism. While I was in the shop, Butterfly and her dad went to look at the Christmas tree display. At the end of the Way of Lights, you can make a donation. If you do, they give you a stuffed animal. They are too cute! Last year it was a camel she named Lolly. This year, it was the cutest donkey. I asked her what she would name it, and she thought for a second, and said "You can name it this year, Mommy." WHAT?!?!?!? I couldn't believe it. So I named him Tucker. :) It was a fun night, which is just what we all need. I have been completely detached from her these past couple weeks, and this got me started back on the right path. (Although I fully admit I am not where I should be.) Not to mention my hubby has been horribly stressed as well. I think this brought us all a little closer. Thank God, because we needed it.
Today is my brother and sister-in-law's birthdays. (Yes they were born on the exact same day! They are the cutest couple I know!) I had Butterfly call this morning to wish them a Happy Birthday, since I won't be home tonight for her to call. On my drive into work, I called my sister-in-law and chatted. She said "Adam and I couldn't believe how grown-up she sounded. She sounded like such a big girl and she was so polite and respectful." Again, WHAT?!?!? Normally, she sounds about three years younger than she is. And on the phone it tends to be exaggerated. It was so exciting to hear they thought she sounded so good! (Unfortunately, I was in the bedroom getting ready, so I didn't get to hear it.) Progress!
Tomorrow night my hubby is going hunting on his buddy's land. So, I think Butterfly and I will have a girl's night. I bought a bottle of sparkling grape juice for Thanksgiving that was never used, so we will crack that open and have a fun dinner. Then I think I will paint her nails. (Something I haven't done in 3 years because of her behavior, but I want to test the waters and see how she does.) Also, tomorrow night my old high school is putting on a production of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. So we will go see that. It should be a lot of fun - I'm very excited. Of course, I know I will pay for it on Saturday, but we'll get through it. And I suppose I can't let the behaviors get in the way of doing fun things with her, otherwise, we will never do anything! (Which is what life has been like for the past few months!) I have stopped doing most extra things, just because I don't want to deal with the behaviors that result. So tomorrow, I will give it another go. And we both love plays and musicals, so this should be fun. And hopefully she will get to see lots of people from her drama camp that she went to over the summer. I hope this all works out tomorrow night!!
After she finished studying her spelling words, we hopped in the car, grabbed her a Happy Meal at McDonald's, and went to see the Way of Lights at the Shrine. Last year we went on Thanksgiving, but with so much family around this year, it just wasn't possible. So this was the perfect time. It is a huge light display that tells the story of the birth of Jesus. (www.snows.org) We played a religious Christmas CD that St. Nick brought while we drove through. She loved it! She loves seeing the lights and hearing about Jesus. We also had to stop into the gift shop so I could get something for my Goddaughter's baptism. While I was in the shop, Butterfly and her dad went to look at the Christmas tree display. At the end of the Way of Lights, you can make a donation. If you do, they give you a stuffed animal. They are too cute! Last year it was a camel she named Lolly. This year, it was the cutest donkey. I asked her what she would name it, and she thought for a second, and said "You can name it this year, Mommy." WHAT?!?!?!? I couldn't believe it. So I named him Tucker. :) It was a fun night, which is just what we all need. I have been completely detached from her these past couple weeks, and this got me started back on the right path. (Although I fully admit I am not where I should be.) Not to mention my hubby has been horribly stressed as well. I think this brought us all a little closer. Thank God, because we needed it.
Today is my brother and sister-in-law's birthdays. (Yes they were born on the exact same day! They are the cutest couple I know!) I had Butterfly call this morning to wish them a Happy Birthday, since I won't be home tonight for her to call. On my drive into work, I called my sister-in-law and chatted. She said "Adam and I couldn't believe how grown-up she sounded. She sounded like such a big girl and she was so polite and respectful." Again, WHAT?!?!? Normally, she sounds about three years younger than she is. And on the phone it tends to be exaggerated. It was so exciting to hear they thought she sounded so good! (Unfortunately, I was in the bedroom getting ready, so I didn't get to hear it.) Progress!
Tomorrow night my hubby is going hunting on his buddy's land. So, I think Butterfly and I will have a girl's night. I bought a bottle of sparkling grape juice for Thanksgiving that was never used, so we will crack that open and have a fun dinner. Then I think I will paint her nails. (Something I haven't done in 3 years because of her behavior, but I want to test the waters and see how she does.) Also, tomorrow night my old high school is putting on a production of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. So we will go see that. It should be a lot of fun - I'm very excited. Of course, I know I will pay for it on Saturday, but we'll get through it. And I suppose I can't let the behaviors get in the way of doing fun things with her, otherwise, we will never do anything! (Which is what life has been like for the past few months!) I have stopped doing most extra things, just because I don't want to deal with the behaviors that result. So tomorrow, I will give it another go. And we both love plays and musicals, so this should be fun. And hopefully she will get to see lots of people from her drama camp that she went to over the summer. I hope this all works out tomorrow night!!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Where are you Christmas?
The Christmas season has always been my favorite time of year. Always. I love every bit of it. I love baking, decorating, shopping, writing Christmas cards, going to Mass, being with family...everything. I even love going out shopping on Christmas Eve just because. I have all my shopping done, but I just love the rush and excitement of all of it.
This year, I couldn't care any less. I have zero interest. I don't know what the problem is either. I didn't want to decorate the house, and did it in 5 minutes, only putting up a few favorites. I had no interest in a tree, but my husband said we needed it. I adore every single ornament I have, and have a sentimental attachment to each one. Even that was organized and unemotional. I took all the ornaments out of the box, separated them on the table into who got to hang up which ornaments, put on a CD, and got it done as quickly as possible. Cards have been nothing less than a burden, shopping has been unenjoyable, I barely even acknowledged St. Nick's Day on Saturday, and the list goes on.
What happened to the girl that would watch Christmas movies all day while wrapping presents and singing Christmas songs?!?! I liked her better!
I really can't figure out why I'm like this. Sometimes I think it's my little RADish. She makes everything so stressful that it becomes unenjoyable. But I had her the last two years, and I wasn't anything like this. Then I think it is going up north to spend the holiday with my in-laws. I have celebrated Christmas with them one time before. I hated it. It was horrible. I spent Christmas morning in the guest room, crying. They have no emotion, no pure love between them. It's all fake and forced. There is no watching people's excitement while opening gifts, because basically they just give money. I think I'm the only one that spends any time giving thought to people's gifts. And I should just give money, because they would probably appreciate it more, but I can't bring myself to do it. And yet, I've survived holiday's with them before without being so absent and uniterested in everything.
And it could be all the stress of my recent health issues, and the stress in my marriage and my life in general. I'm sure it's just a mix of all these differnt things, but it's such a bummer. I swear I am just a walking ball of stress. And the worst thing is that I don't know how to stop it. I can't think of anything that is relaxing to me, nothing that is enjoyable and peaceful. I've built up such a wall around myself this past year while dealing with my RADish, that I don't even recognize myself. When my college friends call and start reminiscing about the fun we had, I hardly even recognize the girl they are talking about. I think that's what hurts most of all. I always saw myself as a happy, relaxed, fun-loving girl. Now I wouldn't use any of those words to describe myself. Instead I think I would just say stressed, tired, cranky and uptight.
I never admit just how much Butterfly has changed me. And yet, reading this I realize that I am someone else completely. And I don't know how to keep the things I loved about myself in college, and still be the disciplined mother I need to be. My mom told me the other day, "You're the disciplinarian like your mother, and you have the "I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of me attitude of your father." That's a lethal mix." (We were discussing my unhappiness with a family gift exchange that has gotten out of hand between 2nd cousins, and how I subsequently dealt with it.) And I have to laugh, because I used to be so quiet and sweet. People that knew me a couple years ago would probably be shocked to see me today. I was always a pleaser, and I never made waves with people. Now, I know what I want and we're going to do it my way because that's always the best way. So people hear exactly what I think, whether they want to or not. (For the record, I don't love this new attitude, but it's the only way I've been able to 'deal' with all of my stresses that have come into my life.)
So, basically, I have no idea what I need to do to get myself out of this funk. Because Christmas is coming whether I like it or not. And I do want to enjoy it, but I just don't know how to destress enough to find it enjoyable. There is one thing that makes me happy...my niece/goddaughter. She is the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life, and she isn't even mine. But when I'm with her, I'm the happiest auntie in the world. Unfortunately, I don't get to spend Christmas with her, but we will see her the Saturday after Christmas, and her Baptism is that Sunday. So at least I have something to be excited about.
I think I might go to Mass on my own one night this week. Perhaps it can help me break through the stress.
I'll keep my fingers crossed!
This year, I couldn't care any less. I have zero interest. I don't know what the problem is either. I didn't want to decorate the house, and did it in 5 minutes, only putting up a few favorites. I had no interest in a tree, but my husband said we needed it. I adore every single ornament I have, and have a sentimental attachment to each one. Even that was organized and unemotional. I took all the ornaments out of the box, separated them on the table into who got to hang up which ornaments, put on a CD, and got it done as quickly as possible. Cards have been nothing less than a burden, shopping has been unenjoyable, I barely even acknowledged St. Nick's Day on Saturday, and the list goes on.
What happened to the girl that would watch Christmas movies all day while wrapping presents and singing Christmas songs?!?! I liked her better!
I really can't figure out why I'm like this. Sometimes I think it's my little RADish. She makes everything so stressful that it becomes unenjoyable. But I had her the last two years, and I wasn't anything like this. Then I think it is going up north to spend the holiday with my in-laws. I have celebrated Christmas with them one time before. I hated it. It was horrible. I spent Christmas morning in the guest room, crying. They have no emotion, no pure love between them. It's all fake and forced. There is no watching people's excitement while opening gifts, because basically they just give money. I think I'm the only one that spends any time giving thought to people's gifts. And I should just give money, because they would probably appreciate it more, but I can't bring myself to do it. And yet, I've survived holiday's with them before without being so absent and uniterested in everything.
And it could be all the stress of my recent health issues, and the stress in my marriage and my life in general. I'm sure it's just a mix of all these differnt things, but it's such a bummer. I swear I am just a walking ball of stress. And the worst thing is that I don't know how to stop it. I can't think of anything that is relaxing to me, nothing that is enjoyable and peaceful. I've built up such a wall around myself this past year while dealing with my RADish, that I don't even recognize myself. When my college friends call and start reminiscing about the fun we had, I hardly even recognize the girl they are talking about. I think that's what hurts most of all. I always saw myself as a happy, relaxed, fun-loving girl. Now I wouldn't use any of those words to describe myself. Instead I think I would just say stressed, tired, cranky and uptight.
I never admit just how much Butterfly has changed me. And yet, reading this I realize that I am someone else completely. And I don't know how to keep the things I loved about myself in college, and still be the disciplined mother I need to be. My mom told me the other day, "You're the disciplinarian like your mother, and you have the "I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of me attitude of your father." That's a lethal mix." (We were discussing my unhappiness with a family gift exchange that has gotten out of hand between 2nd cousins, and how I subsequently dealt with it.) And I have to laugh, because I used to be so quiet and sweet. People that knew me a couple years ago would probably be shocked to see me today. I was always a pleaser, and I never made waves with people. Now, I know what I want and we're going to do it my way because that's always the best way. So people hear exactly what I think, whether they want to or not. (For the record, I don't love this new attitude, but it's the only way I've been able to 'deal' with all of my stresses that have come into my life.)
So, basically, I have no idea what I need to do to get myself out of this funk. Because Christmas is coming whether I like it or not. And I do want to enjoy it, but I just don't know how to destress enough to find it enjoyable. There is one thing that makes me happy...my niece/goddaughter. She is the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life, and she isn't even mine. But when I'm with her, I'm the happiest auntie in the world. Unfortunately, I don't get to spend Christmas with her, but we will see her the Saturday after Christmas, and her Baptism is that Sunday. So at least I have something to be excited about.
I think I might go to Mass on my own one night this week. Perhaps it can help me break through the stress.
I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
She cared for someone else!
I almost died of shock this morning. As a preface to the story, we do not allow Hannah Montana for Butterfly. We did, but it began causing self-esteem issues and one heck of a teenage attitude, which I'm not going to tolerate from my eight year old. So, although we are the least cool parents in the neighborhood, we stick to this firmly. For her birthday, the neighbor bought two HM dolls. We were able to return one and replace it with Littlest Pet Shop, but I had to go to a different store to return the other. Well surprise of all surprises, it's been in my car for the past two months, and I finally brought it in the house this weekend when I was cleaning out the car. So onto the story...
Before Butterfly left for school, I read her a letter from the school social worker about a toy drive for families in our district. I asked if she thought we should participate in the toy drive. Her face immediately lit up, and she said "I know just what we can give to the needy families!" She ran into the living room and grabbed the HM doll. She said, "I know I'm not allowed to have this, but maybe some other girl can have it! And she'll love it, because everyone wants a Hannah doll!" I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I asked if she was okay with that, and she said yes. I thought for sure if I would have suggested that she would have pitched a monstrous fit, like she does every other time we have to return something Hannah Montana. But my little girl decided to give it to someone in need instead of returning it to get something else for herself.
I was so proud. So we packed it up and sent it to school for the toy drive. Maybe I am rubbing off on her a little bit? Doubtful...I bet she hits me up for something else later since she did a good deed. But maybe not. Last year around Christmas, we were walking into JCPenney to do some shopping, and she had some change in her pockets. Without prodding, she put it all in the Salvation Army bucket. Again, I was impressed with her generosity, and "Santa" sent her a letter thanking her for the good deed that she did, along with a silver star ornament. I suppose Santa will have to do that again this year.
Yay for caring about others!!!
Before Butterfly left for school, I read her a letter from the school social worker about a toy drive for families in our district. I asked if she thought we should participate in the toy drive. Her face immediately lit up, and she said "I know just what we can give to the needy families!" She ran into the living room and grabbed the HM doll. She said, "I know I'm not allowed to have this, but maybe some other girl can have it! And she'll love it, because everyone wants a Hannah doll!" I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I asked if she was okay with that, and she said yes. I thought for sure if I would have suggested that she would have pitched a monstrous fit, like she does every other time we have to return something Hannah Montana. But my little girl decided to give it to someone in need instead of returning it to get something else for herself.
I was so proud. So we packed it up and sent it to school for the toy drive. Maybe I am rubbing off on her a little bit? Doubtful...I bet she hits me up for something else later since she did a good deed. But maybe not. Last year around Christmas, we were walking into JCPenney to do some shopping, and she had some change in her pockets. Without prodding, she put it all in the Salvation Army bucket. Again, I was impressed with her generosity, and "Santa" sent her a letter thanking her for the good deed that she did, along with a silver star ornament. I suppose Santa will have to do that again this year.
Yay for caring about others!!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
One Down.
I'm thrilled that the Thanksgiving weekend is over. It had its ups and downs, of course. My brother and s-i-l were in town for five days with their beautiful baby girl. She is two months old, and while they were down, they asked me to be her Godmother! Yippee! I'm ecstatic. Butterfly had a hard time watching me pay so much attention to the little one, but I made sure to give her attention, too. She did pretty well. We brought her baby doll, Taylor, along, so whenever I was with my niece, she had Taylor and did whatever I was doing. Irritating, but better than what it could have been.
Butterfly lost in Monday morning. We got a dusting of snow Sunday night, and there was no need for snowpants. After already pushing me to the edge that morning, she proceeded to pitch a fit about not having snowpants, and all the other kids probably had their warm snowpants on, and she would just have to freeze, and on and on. As I said, she had already pushed every button that morning, plus I was now running late for work because I had to deal with it. So I told her if it was so horrible living with this family, she could feel free to look for another one that was better. I know it wasn't a great thing to say, but I couldn't take it anymore. I gave her a hug and an I love you and I sent her on her way. As soon as she got outside, she was ready to start yelling at me again, but she noticed that a neighbor was outside with her dog. The I hate you's immediately turned into I love you's, Merry Christmas and Have a great day, Mommy, you're the best. BULL. It drives me crazy how quickly she turns it on and off, and thinks she's fooling everyone. I doubt the neighbor even noticed she was outside, but Butterfly wasn't taking the chance that someone saw her being nasty. It's so great being her mom some days.
In other news, I went to the Doctor yesterday. I have to have a LEEP procedure done. Super. I could choose between in the office or outpatient surgery. I chose the office visit, so I hope it goes well. It will be the week after Christmas. At least I will be off work already, and will have plenty of time to recover. Oh, and we are having all kinds of car trouble, of course. Things couldn't get any crazier right now.
Butterfly lost in Monday morning. We got a dusting of snow Sunday night, and there was no need for snowpants. After already pushing me to the edge that morning, she proceeded to pitch a fit about not having snowpants, and all the other kids probably had their warm snowpants on, and she would just have to freeze, and on and on. As I said, she had already pushed every button that morning, plus I was now running late for work because I had to deal with it. So I told her if it was so horrible living with this family, she could feel free to look for another one that was better. I know it wasn't a great thing to say, but I couldn't take it anymore. I gave her a hug and an I love you and I sent her on her way. As soon as she got outside, she was ready to start yelling at me again, but she noticed that a neighbor was outside with her dog. The I hate you's immediately turned into I love you's, Merry Christmas and Have a great day, Mommy, you're the best. BULL. It drives me crazy how quickly she turns it on and off, and thinks she's fooling everyone. I doubt the neighbor even noticed she was outside, but Butterfly wasn't taking the chance that someone saw her being nasty. It's so great being her mom some days.
In other news, I went to the Doctor yesterday. I have to have a LEEP procedure done. Super. I could choose between in the office or outpatient surgery. I chose the office visit, so I hope it goes well. It will be the week after Christmas. At least I will be off work already, and will have plenty of time to recover. Oh, and we are having all kinds of car trouble, of course. Things couldn't get any crazier right now.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Ready or not...the holidays are here!!
Well, for starters, I got my news back from the Doctor. Sort of, anyways. I have to go in on Monday because the Dr. wants to talk to me in person. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that isn't the good news I was hoping for? So, I've spent the morning crying in my office. I'm feeling a little better now. Just nervous, and not wanting to wait until Monday. I hate having to guess what's going on. But that was all the info they would give me.
Butterfly has been all over the place. I forgot how much RAD flares up around the holidays. It's going to be especially hard for her now that there is a new baby around. My brother, sister-in-law and their 2 month old daughter are visiting for Thanskgiving. They are getting in late tonight. I can't wait to see my little niece - she's so beautiful. We have a full weekend of family, birthdays, Christmas decorating, etc. By Sunday, Butterfly will probably be a mess. We will have to try our hardest to keep her close and keep her regulated. Sometime easier said than done.
Now, I am looking towards Christmas. We are going to visit my hubby's family in Green Bay. Visits to GB have got to be the most stressful part of my life! His family isn't totally on board with me or with the whole RAD thing, which makes my life a million times harder. I hate complaining about it, but it's tough. I've been around for over 4 years now, and they still don't totally accept me as part of the family. Couple that with the fact that Butterfly lived with her grandparents for two years and called Grandma "Mom" for part of that time, and you'll understand how difficult it is for me to assert myself when I'm there. I just feel like if I say anything that goes against what they are doing, I'm a witch and I'm ruining the "family's time together", and if I don't, then I am allowing behaviors that would otherwise be unacceptable. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance these trips. Normally, I spend a lot of time at Target and the mall, but I know avoiding the situation doesn't fix anything. And, though I love my hubby dearly, he is not much help at all. He doesn't want to make waves because we don't spend a lot of time with his family because of the distance. Ahhh, I'm not ready to start worrying about all of this again!!!
My hubby is taking me to dinner tonight and to see Twilight. I 'm so excited - I loved all the books, and I have been waiting for the movie to finally come out! It will be nice to have a little break before all of the madness begins!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone - and although a lot of us are going through difficult times right now, we all certainly have so many things to be thankful for!
Butterfly has been all over the place. I forgot how much RAD flares up around the holidays. It's going to be especially hard for her now that there is a new baby around. My brother, sister-in-law and their 2 month old daughter are visiting for Thanskgiving. They are getting in late tonight. I can't wait to see my little niece - she's so beautiful. We have a full weekend of family, birthdays, Christmas decorating, etc. By Sunday, Butterfly will probably be a mess. We will have to try our hardest to keep her close and keep her regulated. Sometime easier said than done.
Now, I am looking towards Christmas. We are going to visit my hubby's family in Green Bay. Visits to GB have got to be the most stressful part of my life! His family isn't totally on board with me or with the whole RAD thing, which makes my life a million times harder. I hate complaining about it, but it's tough. I've been around for over 4 years now, and they still don't totally accept me as part of the family. Couple that with the fact that Butterfly lived with her grandparents for two years and called Grandma "Mom" for part of that time, and you'll understand how difficult it is for me to assert myself when I'm there. I just feel like if I say anything that goes against what they are doing, I'm a witch and I'm ruining the "family's time together", and if I don't, then I am allowing behaviors that would otherwise be unacceptable. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance these trips. Normally, I spend a lot of time at Target and the mall, but I know avoiding the situation doesn't fix anything. And, though I love my hubby dearly, he is not much help at all. He doesn't want to make waves because we don't spend a lot of time with his family because of the distance. Ahhh, I'm not ready to start worrying about all of this again!!!
My hubby is taking me to dinner tonight and to see Twilight. I 'm so excited - I loved all the books, and I have been waiting for the movie to finally come out! It will be nice to have a little break before all of the madness begins!
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone - and although a lot of us are going through difficult times right now, we all certainly have so many things to be thankful for!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Relief...
I've been insanely stressed this week. I had to go to the doctor to get some tests done. The one I was most worried about and also the least expected, was a blood test for diabetes. I called the doctor yesterday, and was told that everything came back fine. what a relief! I had to stop myself from crying at work! I've been overly stressed all week, and this just lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. I'm still waiting on results from my other tests - I'm praying those results also bring good news.
I'm taking Butterfly to get pictures taken tonight. (We're bad parents - I didn't get her school pictures taken in August. I'm getting more pictures now for $5 than I would have gotten for $50 back in August!) So, we are headed to Sears tonight, and she is thrilled. We bonded last night while I trimmed her hair for the pictures. She loved going to Mom's Magnificent Beauty Salon. She was genuinely having fun. It was sweet.
This morning, we woke up late. (It's so hard to get out of bed when it's cold outside!) I didn't realize they were having Movie Day at Latchkey today, so I wasn't prepared with popcorn. Butterfly tried to stay calm while she was explaing options to her Dad of how to get popcorn. I walked into the kitchen (acted like I had it all under control), and said "Let Mommy take care of it - it's my job. I know you don't trust that I can do things for you, but let's give it a shot." Of course, I had no idea they needed popcorn today, because I didn't see the note in her folder last night. We had ten minutes before the bus came, so I got the pot out, and made some popcorn on the stove, and had it in a bag and in her hands with 2 minutes to spare. I sent her out to wait for the bus, and then realized she didn't have money for a drink. I grabbed some change, and ran it out to her while still in my robe. Luckily, I was back inside before anyone saw me. Now, I'm sure I'm going to pay for us bonding last night and for being so nice this morning, but such is my life these days.
And, I'm going shopping with my Mom tomorrow, so I will get a break! Yay for the holidays!
I'm taking Butterfly to get pictures taken tonight. (We're bad parents - I didn't get her school pictures taken in August. I'm getting more pictures now for $5 than I would have gotten for $50 back in August!) So, we are headed to Sears tonight, and she is thrilled. We bonded last night while I trimmed her hair for the pictures. She loved going to Mom's Magnificent Beauty Salon. She was genuinely having fun. It was sweet.
This morning, we woke up late. (It's so hard to get out of bed when it's cold outside!) I didn't realize they were having Movie Day at Latchkey today, so I wasn't prepared with popcorn. Butterfly tried to stay calm while she was explaing options to her Dad of how to get popcorn. I walked into the kitchen (acted like I had it all under control), and said "Let Mommy take care of it - it's my job. I know you don't trust that I can do things for you, but let's give it a shot." Of course, I had no idea they needed popcorn today, because I didn't see the note in her folder last night. We had ten minutes before the bus came, so I got the pot out, and made some popcorn on the stove, and had it in a bag and in her hands with 2 minutes to spare. I sent her out to wait for the bus, and then realized she didn't have money for a drink. I grabbed some change, and ran it out to her while still in my robe. Luckily, I was back inside before anyone saw me. Now, I'm sure I'm going to pay for us bonding last night and for being so nice this morning, but such is my life these days.
And, I'm going shopping with my Mom tomorrow, so I will get a break! Yay for the holidays!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Game Playing
I guess it has been awhile since my last post. So much has gone on, but I can't honestly remember most of it. Time is just flying by.
Butterfly has definitely been testing my patience. Everything is an argument, she is totally ready to attack for any reason, and she is seriously stressing me out and putting my health at risk. I can't take it anymore. You tell her one thing she doesn't like, and she blows up. I assume it is because she has started doing Math with the regular second grade classroom. She is doing well, but I'm sure it is very stressful for her. She refuses to talk, and she is just downright nasty 24/7. I told her last night that I absolutely refuse to put my health at risk for her, because I won't be any good to anyone if I'm sick. So this morning, she tried her best to suck me in, but I wouldn't let her. That ticked her off big time. She wanted to start a fight over brushing her hair - normally I would make sure she did what I told her to. Today, I said that's fine and I went and sat on a chair in the living room and stared straight ahead. She stomped into the room and demanded to know what I was doing. I didn't answer, and she demanded again. When she realized I wouldn't answer her tone, she asked sweetly. I responded and told her I was just wondering why my daughter was so angry and couldn't do something so simple as brush her hair. She proceeded to yell at me to stop sitting there, but when I didn't budge and continued staring straight ahead, she stormed off to her room, found the brush, brushed her hair, then sweetly came over to me to say "Mommy, I brushed my hair." Fan-flipping-tastic. An 8y/o brushed her hair - what an accomplishment. but of course for her, I guess it was an accomplishment.
I'm just so sick of playing games with her over EVERYTHING. I dream of having a daughter that does what she's asked on occasion, and doesn't turn 99% of her life into a fight. I'm 24 for crying out loud! Sometimes I do wonder what I was thinking when I said yes to all of this. I adore my husband, but the stress is killing me. And until he is done with school and has a full time job, it is only going to be getting worse.
I really need to find some ways to relax and unwind. And to deal with her when she is raging.
Hopefully tonight will be a better night....
Butterfly has definitely been testing my patience. Everything is an argument, she is totally ready to attack for any reason, and she is seriously stressing me out and putting my health at risk. I can't take it anymore. You tell her one thing she doesn't like, and she blows up. I assume it is because she has started doing Math with the regular second grade classroom. She is doing well, but I'm sure it is very stressful for her. She refuses to talk, and she is just downright nasty 24/7. I told her last night that I absolutely refuse to put my health at risk for her, because I won't be any good to anyone if I'm sick. So this morning, she tried her best to suck me in, but I wouldn't let her. That ticked her off big time. She wanted to start a fight over brushing her hair - normally I would make sure she did what I told her to. Today, I said that's fine and I went and sat on a chair in the living room and stared straight ahead. She stomped into the room and demanded to know what I was doing. I didn't answer, and she demanded again. When she realized I wouldn't answer her tone, she asked sweetly. I responded and told her I was just wondering why my daughter was so angry and couldn't do something so simple as brush her hair. She proceeded to yell at me to stop sitting there, but when I didn't budge and continued staring straight ahead, she stormed off to her room, found the brush, brushed her hair, then sweetly came over to me to say "Mommy, I brushed my hair." Fan-flipping-tastic. An 8y/o brushed her hair - what an accomplishment. but of course for her, I guess it was an accomplishment.
I'm just so sick of playing games with her over EVERYTHING. I dream of having a daughter that does what she's asked on occasion, and doesn't turn 99% of her life into a fight. I'm 24 for crying out loud! Sometimes I do wonder what I was thinking when I said yes to all of this. I adore my husband, but the stress is killing me. And until he is done with school and has a full time job, it is only going to be getting worse.
I really need to find some ways to relax and unwind. And to deal with her when she is raging.
Hopefully tonight will be a better night....
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
School Issues
Things are stressful right now. We are trying to get Butterfly integrated back into the regular second grade classroom, but the school is being difficult. As I sit here typing, I am willing the phone to ring, so I can talk to the principal.
Mon. evening, Butterfly came home and let it all out that she is stressed at school. She hasn't been eating lunch with the 2nd graders, instead she is with the 1st graders. In turn, the 2nd graders are making fun of her, etc. She also doesn't get to go to recess with the 2nd graders. Imagine the stress for an 8 year old! She also is overwhelmed by some of the other students in special ed, and she knows she isn't doing the work she should be doing. She is dying to get back to a regular classroom. (Minor victory for me - she knows the difference, and wants to try to be better). In any case, the girl is worked up, stressed out and can't function. My husband and I have tried to contact the teacher previously to discuss other issues, but we have never made it far. My hubby event went in and caught the principal on her way out to her car after school one day to talk to her.
Tues. morning I went in to speak with the principal. We discussed the lunch situation, as well as getting Butterfly integrated into a regular classroom. She suggested that we turn the parent/teacher conference into an IEP, and I asked her to please arrange it. She assured me that she would look into the situation, and contact me that day. It's Wednesday at 12:45p.m. and I'm still waiting.
Last night we got a note home from her teacher saying "We would discuss the issue at the parent/teacher conference. And Butterfly would not be moving from her classroom until December." It was as very catty note. I immediately called the principal and left a message. No answer yet. I then spoke to a colleague who previously worked as superintendent in a neighboring school district, I wanted advice on how to proceed. He called the current superintendent of our district and informed her of the situation and told her that the situation needed to be fixed. I called and left another message to find out what is going on.
I am beyond frustrated. I hate that I have to harrass people to get anywhere. I don't like calling three times - but if I don't I always get "forgotten." And I refuse to let this little girl suffer academically. I so wish everyone would just do their job. If we didn't need the income, I think I would stay home and homeschool, because this is all just beyond ridiculous.
Hopefully I hear back soon. I don't want to make another trip into school this week.
Mon. evening, Butterfly came home and let it all out that she is stressed at school. She hasn't been eating lunch with the 2nd graders, instead she is with the 1st graders. In turn, the 2nd graders are making fun of her, etc. She also doesn't get to go to recess with the 2nd graders. Imagine the stress for an 8 year old! She also is overwhelmed by some of the other students in special ed, and she knows she isn't doing the work she should be doing. She is dying to get back to a regular classroom. (Minor victory for me - she knows the difference, and wants to try to be better). In any case, the girl is worked up, stressed out and can't function. My husband and I have tried to contact the teacher previously to discuss other issues, but we have never made it far. My hubby event went in and caught the principal on her way out to her car after school one day to talk to her.
Tues. morning I went in to speak with the principal. We discussed the lunch situation, as well as getting Butterfly integrated into a regular classroom. She suggested that we turn the parent/teacher conference into an IEP, and I asked her to please arrange it. She assured me that she would look into the situation, and contact me that day. It's Wednesday at 12:45p.m. and I'm still waiting.
Last night we got a note home from her teacher saying "We would discuss the issue at the parent/teacher conference. And Butterfly would not be moving from her classroom until December." It was as very catty note. I immediately called the principal and left a message. No answer yet. I then spoke to a colleague who previously worked as superintendent in a neighboring school district, I wanted advice on how to proceed. He called the current superintendent of our district and informed her of the situation and told her that the situation needed to be fixed. I called and left another message to find out what is going on.
I am beyond frustrated. I hate that I have to harrass people to get anywhere. I don't like calling three times - but if I don't I always get "forgotten." And I refuse to let this little girl suffer academically. I so wish everyone would just do their job. If we didn't need the income, I think I would stay home and homeschool, because this is all just beyond ridiculous.
Hopefully I hear back soon. I don't want to make another trip into school this week.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Another explosive weekend
Wow. Saturday my hubby had to run some errands for school. He took Butterfly with him to the library and the coin shop. She checked out The Wizard of Oz, and got two coins at the coin shop. They then went to my parent's house so he could cut their grass. She played with the neighbor's grandkids. When they came home, she played, and I reminded her, as I did that morning, that her room need to get cleaned.
Saturday was the Fall Festival at her school. They have hayrides, a haunted trail, games, food, etc. She was very excited to go, and while I could think of 100 other things to do, we were planning to go. However, she was angry about having to clean her room, which she has to do every weekend. She crumpled a picture that she drew me and threw it at me. I left it where it fell, intending to have her pick it up later. So, she goes in her room and continues screaming at me and her dad. She comes out a little later with a note for me. Her spelling isn't great, but I got the gist of it. It began "I hat you mom..." My husband read it as I hate you, but I thought, no, Butterfly is smarter than that. I asked her to come and read me her note. Sure enough, she did, and sure enough she wrote she hated me. I complimented her writing and then asked her if it was true. She said yes she does hate me because I didn't appreicate the picture that she threw at me. I asked if she knew what would have happened to me if I would have written a note like that to my mom. She said no, and I told her my butt would have been kicked from here to China. Her face dropped, and you could tell she thought I was going to start screaming at her. Instead, I hugged her and told her I'm sorry she felt that way. Her father then informed her that the Fall Festival was cancelled due to her disrespect.
I laughed about it, and left to go for a walk - it was a gorgeous fall day. When I got back, I was greeted with a stack of apology letters. She wrote a couple I'm sorry notes, drew pictures, etc. I was impressed that she was showing remorse, but that didn't last long enough. As soon as I thanked her for the apology and told her it was accepted, she asked if she could go to the Festival now that she apologized...typical RAD I guess.
We stayed in Saturday night - except we did go grab dinner out. I had to remind her that we weren't going out to dinner for her, dad and I were doing it for ourselves, and she was just lucky to get to go along. It drives me crazy how she turns everything into something about her. Even when I was kid, I don't recall being so self-centered. She really thinks the world wouldn't survive without her.
Sunday was nothing exciting - I was stressed due to a ton of minor things. She wanted constant attention the whole day, which I was not able to give her. She got in trouble quite a few times. But we survived, and now on to another week.
My parents are on their way back from vacation, and they are bringing my Grandma back with them. It will be great to spend some time with her over the next couple weeks.
Saturday was the Fall Festival at her school. They have hayrides, a haunted trail, games, food, etc. She was very excited to go, and while I could think of 100 other things to do, we were planning to go. However, she was angry about having to clean her room, which she has to do every weekend. She crumpled a picture that she drew me and threw it at me. I left it where it fell, intending to have her pick it up later. So, she goes in her room and continues screaming at me and her dad. She comes out a little later with a note for me. Her spelling isn't great, but I got the gist of it. It began "I hat you mom..." My husband read it as I hate you, but I thought, no, Butterfly is smarter than that. I asked her to come and read me her note. Sure enough, she did, and sure enough she wrote she hated me. I complimented her writing and then asked her if it was true. She said yes she does hate me because I didn't appreicate the picture that she threw at me. I asked if she knew what would have happened to me if I would have written a note like that to my mom. She said no, and I told her my butt would have been kicked from here to China. Her face dropped, and you could tell she thought I was going to start screaming at her. Instead, I hugged her and told her I'm sorry she felt that way. Her father then informed her that the Fall Festival was cancelled due to her disrespect.
I laughed about it, and left to go for a walk - it was a gorgeous fall day. When I got back, I was greeted with a stack of apology letters. She wrote a couple I'm sorry notes, drew pictures, etc. I was impressed that she was showing remorse, but that didn't last long enough. As soon as I thanked her for the apology and told her it was accepted, she asked if she could go to the Festival now that she apologized...typical RAD I guess.
We stayed in Saturday night - except we did go grab dinner out. I had to remind her that we weren't going out to dinner for her, dad and I were doing it for ourselves, and she was just lucky to get to go along. It drives me crazy how she turns everything into something about her. Even when I was kid, I don't recall being so self-centered. She really thinks the world wouldn't survive without her.
I talked with a good friend Sunday night about what happened. She was so worried that I was going to be completely broken about the I hate you note. It wasn't until she suggested that most people would be really upset by it, that I realized how strange it was that it didn't phase me or make me angry with her. It's like I am completely numb to what she says and does anymore. As if what she did is completely expected as part of our day to day lives. I seem to get upset about the little things more that I do about something as blatant as this. It's so sad.
Sunday was nothing exciting - I was stressed due to a ton of minor things. She wanted constant attention the whole day, which I was not able to give her. She got in trouble quite a few times. But we survived, and now on to another week.
My parents are on their way back from vacation, and they are bringing my Grandma back with them. It will be great to spend some time with her over the next couple weeks.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
What a day...
Yesterday was rough...I was ready to leave for work EARLY, and then a string of minor inconveniences ruined it. Which in turn ruined the rest of my day. I hate when I allow that to happen. In any case, I had zero tolerance for anything last night. So, I picked up Butterfly from Latchkey, and we went home. I told her we would work on our spelling words, and as soon as we walked through the door, she went into a tirade of how much she hates homework, and she doesn't want to do her reading page. (BTW, I was just planning to have her do spelling words tonight.)
So, as I said, I had no tolerance and I sent her to her room until she could be pleasant and respectful. She came out all of two minutes later with a fake smile, and a sugary sweet "I'm ready now, Mommy." Yeah right. I told her I thought she could use a little more time to find a respectful young lady. Well, sure enough that set her off again and she lost it. I told her I wasn't in the mood, I talked about her behavior, and so on. I told her she could have dinner and it would be bedtime. So, her first response was "I'm not eating a stupid sandwich." (Whenever, she gets sent to bed before dinner, she has a sandwich.) Bummer for her, that I was making grilled cheese for everyone that night. So, I told her I wasn't wasting a sandwich if she wasn't going to eat it, and did she want dinner. She started doing sign language (Why, I have no idea.) I told her my hearing was fine, and she could use her words. So she grunted a yes, and I went to make her dinner. She wanted peanut butter, so I made the sandwich, and then used a mini heart cookie cutter to make five hearts on the sandwich. (five is our special number for saying i love you, when it is just too hard to really say the words.) so she ate up, and went to bed willingly.
We've also been talking about putting an alarm on her door, to help her stop sneaking food in the middle of the night. She has been asking for the alarm, so I finally put it up last night. So, amazingly, she stayed in bed all night last night! I couldn't believe it. I'm hoping this gives all of us some peace of mind. I told her if the alarm goes off, I will wake up and know she isn't feeling safe and that she needs a hug, and that's okay.
This morning, she said she feels safe and doesn't need the alarm anymore. Ha. She was giving me attitude before the bus came today, and I was sick of it, so I interrupted and told her I wouldn't be home until after she was in bed tonight. That shut her up in a heartbeat. I couldn't believe it! I told her I had to work late tonight, and she could call if she needed me, but I would at an event, and might not be able to answer the phone. She was all sweet and lovey until the bus came.
I have to admit, I'm glad I won't be home until she is asleep. I'm about due for a break, and I will take any little bit that I can get!
So, as I said, I had no tolerance and I sent her to her room until she could be pleasant and respectful. She came out all of two minutes later with a fake smile, and a sugary sweet "I'm ready now, Mommy." Yeah right. I told her I thought she could use a little more time to find a respectful young lady. Well, sure enough that set her off again and she lost it. I told her I wasn't in the mood, I talked about her behavior, and so on. I told her she could have dinner and it would be bedtime. So, her first response was "I'm not eating a stupid sandwich." (Whenever, she gets sent to bed before dinner, she has a sandwich.) Bummer for her, that I was making grilled cheese for everyone that night. So, I told her I wasn't wasting a sandwich if she wasn't going to eat it, and did she want dinner. She started doing sign language (Why, I have no idea.) I told her my hearing was fine, and she could use her words. So she grunted a yes, and I went to make her dinner. She wanted peanut butter, so I made the sandwich, and then used a mini heart cookie cutter to make five hearts on the sandwich. (five is our special number for saying i love you, when it is just too hard to really say the words.) so she ate up, and went to bed willingly.
We've also been talking about putting an alarm on her door, to help her stop sneaking food in the middle of the night. She has been asking for the alarm, so I finally put it up last night. So, amazingly, she stayed in bed all night last night! I couldn't believe it. I'm hoping this gives all of us some peace of mind. I told her if the alarm goes off, I will wake up and know she isn't feeling safe and that she needs a hug, and that's okay.
This morning, she said she feels safe and doesn't need the alarm anymore. Ha. She was giving me attitude before the bus came today, and I was sick of it, so I interrupted and told her I wouldn't be home until after she was in bed tonight. That shut her up in a heartbeat. I couldn't believe it! I told her I had to work late tonight, and she could call if she needed me, but I would at an event, and might not be able to answer the phone. She was all sweet and lovey until the bus came.
I have to admit, I'm glad I won't be home until she is asleep. I'm about due for a break, and I will take any little bit that I can get!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Another Day
Not much to report today. Butterfly did the growling thing again last night. I have to admit, it is bizarre. It sounds like I'm holding an angry puppy. I think she was disregulated because I was gone the night before for a meeting, and I didn't get home until she was in bed. I need to start remembering to tell her when I will be gone, and to let her know that she can call me if she needs me. I also am planning to pull the family stickers out again. We ordered stickers from http://www.walgreens.com/ a few months back. I took a family picture, and wrote "We Love You Butterfly" across the bottom. You can order a sheet for about $5. She would wear them to school, or if she would be gone overnight. They always came back all crumpled from all the attention they got from her!
This morning was another fight. She claims we are waking her up too early (she hasn't caught on to the fact that it stays darker longer this time of year!).
Tonight my hubby is working late, so I will get to tackle homework. I think I will just have her practice her spelling words, and play our spelling game tonight. It's about all I can handle today.
Oh, and on a side note...Last night when she was getting angry and growling, I held her on her bed again and read the I Choose You poem. She tried to plug her ears, but I just talked louder. She didn't know what to do, and she reached out to rip the poem of the wall, and tear it up, like she usually does to things i have given her when she is angry/scared. But this time, she looked at me for a second, and I just smiled, and she didn't do it. I was so impressed that she stopped herself. Normally she rips it all up, and then cries over it a few hours later, that i made her ruin her picture or whatever the case may be. Little does she know, that I printed extra copies, so I'm ready to replace it at a second's notice!!!
This morning was another fight. She claims we are waking her up too early (she hasn't caught on to the fact that it stays darker longer this time of year!).
Tonight my hubby is working late, so I will get to tackle homework. I think I will just have her practice her spelling words, and play our spelling game tonight. It's about all I can handle today.
Oh, and on a side note...Last night when she was getting angry and growling, I held her on her bed again and read the I Choose You poem. She tried to plug her ears, but I just talked louder. She didn't know what to do, and she reached out to rip the poem of the wall, and tear it up, like she usually does to things i have given her when she is angry/scared. But this time, she looked at me for a second, and I just smiled, and she didn't do it. I was so impressed that she stopped herself. Normally she rips it all up, and then cries over it a few hours later, that i made her ruin her picture or whatever the case may be. Little does she know, that I printed extra copies, so I'm ready to replace it at a second's notice!!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
A Long Weekend...
Well, we survived the weekend...On Friday night, I got Butterfly a special dinner for passing her spelling test and I let her watch television. She was thrilled, and was acting like a normal child. It was beautiful to see. I also read her a poem that I got from Brenda at www.reactiveattachmentdisorderlife.blogspot.com. I typed it up, and added hearts all around it. It is titled I Choose You. I started talking to Butterfly about her feelings, and of course it got to real for her, so she decided to say she was upset about her "Papa" dying. (My grandfather passed away in early August.) Whenever she starts "feeling" anything, she brings up one of my relatives that passed away, that she knows I miss dearly - even ones she has never met, but "misses so much." I read the poem and told her to put it somewhere in her room, so that she could read it whenever she needed to. She asked me tape it on her wall next to her bed, which I did.
My parents are on a well-deserved, overdue extended vacation, so on Saturday I went over to cut their grass and check on other things at their house. My husband and Butterfly went to do some work at the building my parents own. She also went to recycle cans. She was so excited to get the money, but not so excited to find out that she had to save the money. He also took her to get a smoothie, which she was thrilled about. A little later she went pumpkin picking with the girl scouts, while my hubby and I got a much needed break. We went out for a late lunch and then did some bumming around. I treasure our time when we are just able to do normal things together without all the drama that comes with having Butterfly around.
I went to pick up Butterfly and of course she had been overstimulated, and when I commented on how cute her pumpkin was, she yelled at me that it was too small and dad didn't give her enough money to buy a big one like she wanted. Nothing is ever enough. If she had gotten a big one she would have been mad that she couldn't have a small one, too and on and on. I ignored it, and went about some things I needed to get done.
Sunday was rough. She hates playing alone, and the neighbors were not home all day. My husband was volunteering for Special Olympics so I took Butterfly on some errands with me, we had fun together, but as soon as we got home and I had work to do and wasn't giving every ounce of my attention to her, she got angry. While I was cutting the grass, I asked for her help moving the swingset so I could mow under it...I would have been better off struggling through it myself. Anyways, she had a napking buried in some grass, that got shredded when the lawnmower hit it - I didn't even notice until purple shreds covered the area. I told her to pick it up which absolutely set her off. She went inside, and her dad asked her to take a nap. She went in her room screaming! I tried to shut her door, which just made her lose it even more. I walked in, scooped her up, and held her tight while I read Brenda's I Choose You poem. I read it three times, until she calmed down. She was growling at me for most of it, like I have never heard before, except from perhaps an animal. She finally burst into tears and talked a very little bit about her birth mom, I tucked her in for a nap, which lasted all of about 20 minutes. The rest of the day/evening was not enjoyable, but far from the anger we sometimes see.
And now, it's back to work and school. She refused to get dressed this morning - it's going to be a high of 65 degrees....she was angry that she couldn't wear shorts. I told her whatever she wanted to do was fine - but she would be getting on the school bus clothes or not, even if I had to carry her. She was dressed and ready 5 minutes later.
My parents are on a well-deserved, overdue extended vacation, so on Saturday I went over to cut their grass and check on other things at their house. My husband and Butterfly went to do some work at the building my parents own. She also went to recycle cans. She was so excited to get the money, but not so excited to find out that she had to save the money. He also took her to get a smoothie, which she was thrilled about. A little later she went pumpkin picking with the girl scouts, while my hubby and I got a much needed break. We went out for a late lunch and then did some bumming around. I treasure our time when we are just able to do normal things together without all the drama that comes with having Butterfly around.
I went to pick up Butterfly and of course she had been overstimulated, and when I commented on how cute her pumpkin was, she yelled at me that it was too small and dad didn't give her enough money to buy a big one like she wanted. Nothing is ever enough. If she had gotten a big one she would have been mad that she couldn't have a small one, too and on and on. I ignored it, and went about some things I needed to get done.
Sunday was rough. She hates playing alone, and the neighbors were not home all day. My husband was volunteering for Special Olympics so I took Butterfly on some errands with me, we had fun together, but as soon as we got home and I had work to do and wasn't giving every ounce of my attention to her, she got angry. While I was cutting the grass, I asked for her help moving the swingset so I could mow under it...I would have been better off struggling through it myself. Anyways, she had a napking buried in some grass, that got shredded when the lawnmower hit it - I didn't even notice until purple shreds covered the area. I told her to pick it up which absolutely set her off. She went inside, and her dad asked her to take a nap. She went in her room screaming! I tried to shut her door, which just made her lose it even more. I walked in, scooped her up, and held her tight while I read Brenda's I Choose You poem. I read it three times, until she calmed down. She was growling at me for most of it, like I have never heard before, except from perhaps an animal. She finally burst into tears and talked a very little bit about her birth mom, I tucked her in for a nap, which lasted all of about 20 minutes. The rest of the day/evening was not enjoyable, but far from the anger we sometimes see.
And now, it's back to work and school. She refused to get dressed this morning - it's going to be a high of 65 degrees....she was angry that she couldn't wear shorts. I told her whatever she wanted to do was fine - but she would be getting on the school bus clothes or not, even if I had to carry her. She was dressed and ready 5 minutes later.
Friday, October 17, 2008
She did it!
Butterfly passed her spelling test - 100%!!!! I am so excited, I can't wait to get home and congratulate her! She worked so hard this week, well, worked hard for her anyways. I called the teacher to check, I just couldn't wait until I got home from work!
Last night we had Girl Scouts. She did really well considering there wasn't a lot of structure last night because we were turning cookie orders in and they had their rededication ceremony. It helped having my husband there last night, because he was able to keep tabs on her while I worried about the Halloween Party planning. She did start to lose it once last night - there were cupcakes and brownies for snack and she came over to ask if she could have one of each, and I of course told her no, that she had to choose one or none. She got that look on her face - you know the one, and was about to start her normal, full-blown fit. But miraculously, she pulled it together, got her cupcake and sat down to eat it. I must say I was impressed.
This morning was rough. She claims she didn't get enough sleep, of course. Then I asked her to practice her spelling words with me this morning and she gave me a death look, and went into her room screaming about not getting money for the pizza party....WHAT?!?!?!?! It amazes me sometimes how much they hold onto one little thing, and it just absolutely consumes them. Her after school program is having a pizza party on Halloween, and the money had to be turned in today or they couldn't have the party. She asked last night, and I said she would have it in the morning before she left for school. Apparently, that wasn't reassuring enough, because it had her completely disregulated this morning about everything. She complained about breakfast, lunch, clothes, hair, etc. You name it, she had a problem with it.
Hopefully school went well. I'm sure it did, it always does. Her teacher still thinks we are completely making up this disorder. She thinks Butterfly is absolutely angelic and a perfect student. But that's another story for another day!
Last night we had Girl Scouts. She did really well considering there wasn't a lot of structure last night because we were turning cookie orders in and they had their rededication ceremony. It helped having my husband there last night, because he was able to keep tabs on her while I worried about the Halloween Party planning. She did start to lose it once last night - there were cupcakes and brownies for snack and she came over to ask if she could have one of each, and I of course told her no, that she had to choose one or none. She got that look on her face - you know the one, and was about to start her normal, full-blown fit. But miraculously, she pulled it together, got her cupcake and sat down to eat it. I must say I was impressed.
This morning was rough. She claims she didn't get enough sleep, of course. Then I asked her to practice her spelling words with me this morning and she gave me a death look, and went into her room screaming about not getting money for the pizza party....WHAT?!?!?!?! It amazes me sometimes how much they hold onto one little thing, and it just absolutely consumes them. Her after school program is having a pizza party on Halloween, and the money had to be turned in today or they couldn't have the party. She asked last night, and I said she would have it in the morning before she left for school. Apparently, that wasn't reassuring enough, because it had her completely disregulated this morning about everything. She complained about breakfast, lunch, clothes, hair, etc. You name it, she had a problem with it.
Hopefully school went well. I'm sure it did, it always does. Her teacher still thinks we are completely making up this disorder. She thinks Butterfly is absolutely angelic and a perfect student. But that's another story for another day!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
A Little About Us
I guess an intro to my family might be helpful...
I am 24 and my husband will be 30 shortly! Butterfly is his biological daughter from a previous marriage, and she is 8. Her birth mom was neglectful and did not take care of her. She didn't feed her, change her diapers, hold her, etc. My husband didn't notice at first as he was working long hours and cared for Butterfly when he got home. When he did realize what was going on, Butterfly was moved to daycare, and they divorced. Also, he was in the Air Force Reserves, so after the divorce he moved in with his parents, and he was frequently gone to training and serving overseas. The birth mom is no longer in the picture.
I met him when I was 20, and we married a year ago. About a month after the wedding we discovered what Butterfly's true issue was. I remember when we first started dating, we would talk to his family about what had happened when she was a baby, and we all commented how lucky that she was too young to remember anything that her birth mom did to her....WRONG! It seems like such a ridiculous thought now that we know the full extent of the damage it did, and we live with it every day.
We have been meeting with an amazing therapist about once a month for the last year, and we have been making some great progess. Luckily, she is not as severe as some RAD kids. But she isn't easy, either. It's hard to remember the progress we have made on those days when you can see the anger and hatred oozing out of her. And it's hard being 24 and dealing with this on a daily basis. I know I don't always do things the way I should, and I wish I could change that by snapping my fingers. But sometimes I still feel like a kid myself. But we are making progress. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. The lying and stealing have almost completely stopped. She steals food in the middle of the night every once in awhile, but it is a far cry from what it used to be. She used to steal every day. And the lies are few and far between. And she's pretty quick to admit the truth with a little pressing.
She has also taken to imitating me, which just sends me to the moon! It drives me crazy to have people imitate me. And I know that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery...but it makes me bananas. My husband thinks it's great that she wants to be like me and he says this is what a normal child would do. Which is fabulous. But it still makes me crazy. And she gets so intense about EVERYTHING. We went shopping the other day, and in the past I've made comments that we need to work on her taste in clothing and accessories. We were in an accessories store the other day, and she picked up everything in the store that she could get her little hands on to ask me if it was good taste. Then I was trying on shoes, and she brought like 30 shoes over to me to find out if they were good taste! And on and on....I just want her to chill out. It all feels so forced, and like I said it makes me crazy. I am hoping this is a phase while she gets her bearings set, and starts to realize that, as much as I would like to some days, I am not leaving.
So again, I am hoping this blog helps me to get out some thoughts and feelings that otherwise would be kept bottled up. It's so hard talking about RAD to family and friends because they mean well but they just don't get it. They think she's so sweet and charming. Or they think these are all normal behaviors. Or I'm exaggerating. Or they do get it, and they tell me how much she has improved and that I shouldn't get so stressed! That's the most frustrating. And I just want to scream, "You aren't there when she threatens to harm me! You aren't there for the tantrums and screaming that do not end! You don't know how it feels to be unloved and unappreciated every single day in your own home, after you spend every ounce of energy giving to someone that just doesn't seem to care."
So, here are the stories of our lives....Thanks for listening!
I am 24 and my husband will be 30 shortly! Butterfly is his biological daughter from a previous marriage, and she is 8. Her birth mom was neglectful and did not take care of her. She didn't feed her, change her diapers, hold her, etc. My husband didn't notice at first as he was working long hours and cared for Butterfly when he got home. When he did realize what was going on, Butterfly was moved to daycare, and they divorced. Also, he was in the Air Force Reserves, so after the divorce he moved in with his parents, and he was frequently gone to training and serving overseas. The birth mom is no longer in the picture.
I met him when I was 20, and we married a year ago. About a month after the wedding we discovered what Butterfly's true issue was. I remember when we first started dating, we would talk to his family about what had happened when she was a baby, and we all commented how lucky that she was too young to remember anything that her birth mom did to her....WRONG! It seems like such a ridiculous thought now that we know the full extent of the damage it did, and we live with it every day.
We have been meeting with an amazing therapist about once a month for the last year, and we have been making some great progess. Luckily, she is not as severe as some RAD kids. But she isn't easy, either. It's hard to remember the progress we have made on those days when you can see the anger and hatred oozing out of her. And it's hard being 24 and dealing with this on a daily basis. I know I don't always do things the way I should, and I wish I could change that by snapping my fingers. But sometimes I still feel like a kid myself. But we are making progress. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. The lying and stealing have almost completely stopped. She steals food in the middle of the night every once in awhile, but it is a far cry from what it used to be. She used to steal every day. And the lies are few and far between. And she's pretty quick to admit the truth with a little pressing.
She has also taken to imitating me, which just sends me to the moon! It drives me crazy to have people imitate me. And I know that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery...but it makes me bananas. My husband thinks it's great that she wants to be like me and he says this is what a normal child would do. Which is fabulous. But it still makes me crazy. And she gets so intense about EVERYTHING. We went shopping the other day, and in the past I've made comments that we need to work on her taste in clothing and accessories. We were in an accessories store the other day, and she picked up everything in the store that she could get her little hands on to ask me if it was good taste. Then I was trying on shoes, and she brought like 30 shoes over to me to find out if they were good taste! And on and on....I just want her to chill out. It all feels so forced, and like I said it makes me crazy. I am hoping this is a phase while she gets her bearings set, and starts to realize that, as much as I would like to some days, I am not leaving.
So again, I am hoping this blog helps me to get out some thoughts and feelings that otherwise would be kept bottled up. It's so hard talking about RAD to family and friends because they mean well but they just don't get it. They think she's so sweet and charming. Or they think these are all normal behaviors. Or I'm exaggerating. Or they do get it, and they tell me how much she has improved and that I shouldn't get so stressed! That's the most frustrating. And I just want to scream, "You aren't there when she threatens to harm me! You aren't there for the tantrums and screaming that do not end! You don't know how it feels to be unloved and unappreciated every single day in your own home, after you spend every ounce of energy giving to someone that just doesn't seem to care."
So, here are the stories of our lives....Thanks for listening!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
First Post
I've decided to start a blog to talk about my family and our struggles with RAD. This is really for my own use. I want to be able to look back and see progress. Or at least remind myself of things that have happened in our family. My daughter's nickname is Butterfly, and I will refer to her as such in this blog.
Butterfly has been struggling at school. I have to say, I don't believe it is entirely her fault. Her teacher has yet to try and understand RAD and what it entails. She only sees a sweet little girl that doesn't cause any trouble. Of course, that is because she has yet to tell Butterfly something she doesn't like. She has been struggling with her spelling words. She took a test yesterday, and got one right. That evening, I had her read each word and spell it three times. She then had to write each word one time. After she finished we played a little game. She stood on one end of the room, while I sat on the couch. For every word she spelled correctly, she could take one step toward me, for every incorrect word, she had to take one step back. When she reached me her prize was a hug. We played the game three times last night - she only misspelled one word!!!! We played again this morning and she still got them all right! I asked her teacher to give her the test again today, so I guess we will see how that goes. I'm hoping she did well.
She also needs to know all of her aunts, uncles and cousins for a Social Studies project. As I was writing the info down for her teacher, I asked her to name her aunts. She named my brother's wife immediately, but she couldn't remember her other aunt, who is her dad's sister, and a biological aunt. They lived together in the same house for two years. She honestly couldn't remember. I reminded her who it was and she said Oh, why hasn't she called us? She probably forgot about me because she is too busy with her baby. (She just had a baby boy in August) I would love to be inside her head sometimes. Because to us, this seems like something easily dismissed, but she probably really does feel abandoned by her aunt, who she hasn't seen or talked to in almost three months.
Butterfly has been struggling at school. I have to say, I don't believe it is entirely her fault. Her teacher has yet to try and understand RAD and what it entails. She only sees a sweet little girl that doesn't cause any trouble. Of course, that is because she has yet to tell Butterfly something she doesn't like. She has been struggling with her spelling words. She took a test yesterday, and got one right. That evening, I had her read each word and spell it three times. She then had to write each word one time. After she finished we played a little game. She stood on one end of the room, while I sat on the couch. For every word she spelled correctly, she could take one step toward me, for every incorrect word, she had to take one step back. When she reached me her prize was a hug. We played the game three times last night - she only misspelled one word!!!! We played again this morning and she still got them all right! I asked her teacher to give her the test again today, so I guess we will see how that goes. I'm hoping she did well.
She also needs to know all of her aunts, uncles and cousins for a Social Studies project. As I was writing the info down for her teacher, I asked her to name her aunts. She named my brother's wife immediately, but she couldn't remember her other aunt, who is her dad's sister, and a biological aunt. They lived together in the same house for two years. She honestly couldn't remember. I reminded her who it was and she said Oh, why hasn't she called us? She probably forgot about me because she is too busy with her baby. (She just had a baby boy in August) I would love to be inside her head sometimes. Because to us, this seems like something easily dismissed, but she probably really does feel abandoned by her aunt, who she hasn't seen or talked to in almost three months.
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