Hiatus.

Me thinks I won't be writing much here...I've got Tumblr again and this time I'm gonna stick to it. But don't worry, it's rare that I reblog things from other people.

Anyways, the link is on the sidebar.

Snoogans.

Just in case.

love you jujubutt. :) <3

Grrr.

My sleeping pattern is so fucked up. I blame it on PMS. Damn you. It's currently 6.10am, I haven't slept yet, but then again, last night I slept for 4 hours, woke up at 4.30 am... stayed away until about midday, went to sleep till 6pm, woke up, ate, slept again till 9 ish. WHAT THE HELL MAN. So messed up. :( I wanted to just stay up all night now, but then again.. I'm getting sleepy.

Good news is, I'm making good progress on Black Ops, prestige 48, nearly at 50. Wooo.  I said I'd gie it a rest, but I mean...come on.. what else am I gonna do at well, now..6.12 am in the morning.

Brunei's really soon. I'm not quite ready. I'm dreading the fact that I have to go to the dentist when I get back. Eurgh. I hate the dentist because they always find something wrong with my teeth!!! And I end up having to have a root canal or something else godawful. Looking forward to the food though. Mmm...nom nom. And maybe it's a good thing I've put on a lot of weight, because I guess I don't have to watch it when I'm back :P See the bright side of everything, kan?

It's like a backhanded comment to myself.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Night.

I think I've had too much time to think, but lately, life's been pretty butt-fucking boring to be honest. I have absolutely nothing going for me, the best thing that has happened in the last 2 weeks has been .."shit i lost the remote..oh there it is." That's because all I do all day everyday is game. Black ops. That's it, no changing it up, just online play, all fucking day. At first it was satisfying, stats were getting better, I was playing with different clans etc. etc. But then today I woke up and realized.. crap. That was total escapism, and now I can't use it to escape, because I'm totally aware of it.

I feel angry, at myself mostly. But also at certain people, I can't help but feel rejected from certain people, whether they be old friends who act like I don't exist, regardless of our history, or people who I once pitied and was kind to because they struggled socially who now would blank me if I walked passed them. And everyone thinks they're the shit.

Part of me doesn't want to go back to Brunei because.. what am I going back for? Dan is literally the only friend there that i would travel overseas for and he's coming here. Other friends like Ceri, one of my favourite girls in the entire world, i don't even know if she would be there. Selah's coming back, Jona - i would totally travel there just for her, but I'm scared she's going to be too busy for me anyways. What with her life being fulfilled and all. Unlike me. Her childhood friend, same age, who only just started uni, and has already failed 2 subjects. Go me. Anyyyyways, point is, why I am going back really? Nothing good can come out of it, either all my worst fears will be true and I'll realise some friends aren't true friends and I should move on, or i'll be really socially awkward with people and wanna just stay home all the time, or I'll have a great time and not wanna leave and come here and hate this place all over again.

This is a total stream of thought type blog, which is annoying and I expect no one to read it, however it feels good ranting a little, as I'm too lazy to talk to anyone about anything and also a little fearful that they'll say what I don't really wanna hear.

I know what I need. A kick up the ass to get started on the many things I should be doing, and a spark of some sort...a trigger for change, growth, something...I don't quite know what it is. But i need something to rip the rug from underneath my feet.

Lastly, I miss just having fucking fun! IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

Word.

Sextape.

So when I'm old, I will write a list of the best days in my life. It'll go like this "day i was born,  day i saw Deftones live at big day out, day i beat cigarettes"

I was so in my zone when I saw them, I couldn't believe how it easy it was to shove my way through a crowd of sweaty, gritty men. I didn't give a shit who I stood in front of, or whose toes I stepped on. Unfortunately hamish and I both were on the mark where the mosh pit started. I'm pretty proud to say I stood my ground. Nothing was going to disrupt this event. Like I said to Hamish, however, Deftones don't make music that allows one to continuously mosh. The music fluctuates from smooth and dreamy to solid and bassy so I loved watching people start moshing...then stop awkwardly when the verse came back in.

Sigh, they were so modest. So polite. But they raped that stage. My own videos won't upload here, so here's another persons version of the set...as i said, we were in the pit and were a lot closer than this but oh well. Just a tassssssssste.




I did get some photos, this one's the best, simply because this is such a "chino" pose. <3 MELTED HEART.

afk. snort.

Maaaaaaaaan.

Ashleigh's blog post made me quite sad and happy all at the same time. Reflection of it makes me happy, because it was one of the best times of my life, but it makes me sad that it's gone and I can never get it back. You would THINK humans would have invented something that lets you relive your favorite memories. Uhmm.... like maybe a DVD of your own perception of events. Good god that would be cool.

I'm very tired. I have been tired since Sunday. Saturday night was so much fucking fun. Booze, old friends, Brunei appreciation...you know how it goes. First time in a long time that I *ahem* and didn't get paranoid. Yeah that word kinda gives it away. I rode it. It was fun. Chatterbox as always. I have to say I'm glad I have the friends I have here. Old and new. It makes things a little easier.

I still feel like I'm on a godawful long holiday and I'm always homesick. I still don't think I belong here, I think I should just stay in that mind state. 3 years from now I reckon I'll be back in Asia somewhere. I made Hamish promise that that will be our goal. I don't want to live in this country. I get why people like it, but that doesn't make it better it just makes it bearable.

In terms of university - I'm not enjoying it. I don't know if I will. It's just another waiting room. To be honest I'd rather be in highschool or something, smaller classrooms, structure, the whole thaannng. I'm just going through the motions till graduation. I am considering just moving to a film school or something, by pass all this crap I'm doing.

I don't think I need uni. Not for what I'm doing. Sigh. I'm gradually becoming a tad more social. I'm still trying to avoid certain things, but I'm definitely trying to put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to enjoy life juuussst a little bit more.

I want a rat. I want a keyboard. Birthday gifts anyone?

Yes that time of year is here again. I'm 22. Ew. Don't like! DON'T LIKE AT ALL. Want to be 19. Perfect age, love it. 20 even... not this gay number.



Electric President - Farewell. I stumbled upon this band just a week or two before I left Brunei. Wanna know how? I typed in "insomnia" which is what I had at that time into youtube and their song came up. Loved it. Downloaded more. Loved them all. I know they're pretty famous, but I live in a hole.

I'm going to blog more. Not because I think anybody reads it, but because I enjoy doing it. It's sooo fucking self indulging. I need it.

PEACH OUT.

Jaaah bless Jeddy Jones.

7 a.m. 9 a.m our time. You decided, on your terms, to go. No plug was pulled, you just said "Nah man, I'm ready". And off you went. I dreamt about the yacht club last night. That'll be the hardest place to go. As quiet and soft spoken as you are, it'll be so obvious when your not there... Not to mention the lack of your Austin Powers Theme ringtone.

You broke a lot of hearts, but they'll be on the mend soon. You'll be glad to know. You sparked a bit of inspiration too, but I won't go into that, you pretty much already know. We know you're listening.

You certainly don't have a lack of friends man. There's a lot of love there, but I bet you already knew that.

I'm sorry I'm being such a pussy and crying all the time. It's stupid right? Stop laughing, I know you're laughing. Hahaa. Say hi to Marley for us, man.

And hey remember to let us know you're around when you are, ok? But don't try and scare us, we're new to this thing.

I'll see you at Hamish's when we get back end of year. Sitting on the porch. Hamish said he'll leave a chair for you. So see you then okay? Can't wait.

See you around buddy.

See you soon bro.

You should see the shell of people you've left behind.

But don't worry man, we'll pick up the pieces.