Past, Present, Future

Sometimes we live too much in the past,
be it the glorious moments
or wallowing in the pits.

Sometimes we hope too much in the future,
of better things to come,
of a life we wish we had.

Too little we live in the now,
the link between the past and future,
yet the time we most often neglect.

$20 a week (Day 1)

Total cost of food today:
60c - 1 cup of milk
25c - 5 slices of bread
26c - 1 tomato
51c - 3 eggs
40c - 2 slices of ham
40c - 1 pkt of maggi mee.
36c - 1 banana

$2.77

Food costs not factored in:
1 banana (donated by kenneth)
some butter
some cooking oil
2 slices of cheese

Well... starting this thingy cause of the event "Give us this day our daily bread" created on fb by Abby.

Food for thought... why am I doing this? Basis of pride and saying that I was able to acheive it? Or really to remind myself of the people living in poverty? I suspect an element of both though I wished none of the former motive was there.
$2USD/day... that's approximately $2.5SGD... I'll up it slightly above to $3/day meaning that the food budget I'm living on is above the poverty line... more so, It's quite 'abundant' considering the fact that this money is spent on food and nothing else.

Some reflections:
Was walking around in citylink cause I was early and as I walked passed the food places like Garett's popcorn... the gelato and ice cream... etc. I realised that I could only have a whiff of it and nothing more. Really made me think how I've taken the luxuries of Singaporean life for granted. I can easily pull out of this challenge if I don't feel like it anymore but those in poverty can't... and their chance of getting a taste of these 'delicacies' in their regions are probably rare if not nearly impossible.
Should I spend that $2.50 just because I fancy that buble tea? Should I spend that $1 on a sweet drink? Should I spend that $1.60 on a potato chip snack? These are questions I don't think I'll ponder at all nor am I likely to ponder about them in the future. But I'll prolly think twice before spending my money so frivolously

To stick to this budget... I realised that you really have to cook your own food. I may be able to do this today and maybe tomorrow... but once a normal school day I'll have to wake up at 5am just to prepare my lunch to bring to school. At this rate, I may fail on day 3...

But somethings to note, really thank God for his amazing providence and grace. Found instant pasta at cold storage going at $1/packet(UP $3). So bought 2 and I must say that there'll be 2 pretty sumptuous meals should I survive more than 2 days... dang I'm weak haha.

To scatter, To muster

A rose among the thorns, forlorn beauty.
A single teardrop, comfortless solace.
A lone wolf, reclusive existence.
A single cause to scatter.

A tapestry of words woven in fine artistry.
A crucible of ideas coalesce into a molten mix.
A symphony of wills resound in perfect pitch.
A single cause to muster.

What satisfies you?

First post of 2011... I wonder whether anyone reads this blog anymore. Probably not.
But oh well...

Nearing the end of the 2nd year of pharmacy - time flies. Is the second year tougher than the first? Definitely... but that's to be expected I guess. Something that I learned from JC. Life is Hard.

Anyways a random thought which i needed to pen down... which is why I'm blogging for the first time in ages:

What satisfies you? These three words carry deeper implications then I dare elaborate. They relate to not only to shallows of feelings but actually and more importantly to the depths of purpose - or in other words 'what really matters?'
If one is satisfied by good grades in life... does is stem from being academically good or does is stem from love/passion of the subject?
If one is satisfied by friendships... is it etched from the void of loneliness or does it spring forth from genuine love for one another?
The means are pretty much the same... but the motivations are chasms apart.

I know actions and deeds are important, no doubt... but really is it just about actions and deeds; or is the heart condition of greater significance? To this I can give no answer... for now.

But back to the question of what satisfies me? I shall narrow it down to the context of boardgames... Indeed I find them incredibly fun to play, it could have stemmed of from my gaming days of primary/secondary/jc/army... but something I've come to realise was that in as much I was enjoying my time playing with friends, I was intrigued by the mechanics... the art... the components... and halfway somehow... I lost the main point... which was enjoying playing boardgames with friends... but instead began to enjoying boardgames itself - dare I say idolising it.

So do I get satisfied by games? probably... grades? probably... friendships? probably... etc.
But if I ask whether they truly satisfy... putting it bluntly - Nope.

So what then truly satisfies? I can only say God.
A relationship like no other,
a pursuit like no other,
a life like no other.

Do I feel that all the time? sadly no... but those special moments which resonate with your soul, your being... there is nothing like it, for me at least... those really special moments where I can say perhaps for moments/seasons at a time. That I'm truly satisfied... and most of the time you don't realise it unless retrospectively where you find out that during those moments... satisfaction ironically is of no worth.