Past, Present, Future

Sometimes we live too much in the past,
be it the glorious moments
or wallowing in the pits.

Sometimes we hope too much in the future,
of better things to come,
of a life we wish we had.

Too little we live in the now,
the link between the past and future,
yet the time we most often neglect.

$20 a week (Day 1)

Total cost of food today:
60c - 1 cup of milk
25c - 5 slices of bread
26c - 1 tomato
51c - 3 eggs
40c - 2 slices of ham
40c - 1 pkt of maggi mee.
36c - 1 banana

$2.77

Food costs not factored in:
1 banana (donated by kenneth)
some butter
some cooking oil
2 slices of cheese

Well... starting this thingy cause of the event "Give us this day our daily bread" created on fb by Abby.

Food for thought... why am I doing this? Basis of pride and saying that I was able to acheive it? Or really to remind myself of the people living in poverty? I suspect an element of both though I wished none of the former motive was there.
$2USD/day... that's approximately $2.5SGD... I'll up it slightly above to $3/day meaning that the food budget I'm living on is above the poverty line... more so, It's quite 'abundant' considering the fact that this money is spent on food and nothing else.

Some reflections:
Was walking around in citylink cause I was early and as I walked passed the food places like Garett's popcorn... the gelato and ice cream... etc. I realised that I could only have a whiff of it and nothing more. Really made me think how I've taken the luxuries of Singaporean life for granted. I can easily pull out of this challenge if I don't feel like it anymore but those in poverty can't... and their chance of getting a taste of these 'delicacies' in their regions are probably rare if not nearly impossible.
Should I spend that $2.50 just because I fancy that buble tea? Should I spend that $1 on a sweet drink? Should I spend that $1.60 on a potato chip snack? These are questions I don't think I'll ponder at all nor am I likely to ponder about them in the future. But I'll prolly think twice before spending my money so frivolously

To stick to this budget... I realised that you really have to cook your own food. I may be able to do this today and maybe tomorrow... but once a normal school day I'll have to wake up at 5am just to prepare my lunch to bring to school. At this rate, I may fail on day 3...

But somethings to note, really thank God for his amazing providence and grace. Found instant pasta at cold storage going at $1/packet(UP $3). So bought 2 and I must say that there'll be 2 pretty sumptuous meals should I survive more than 2 days... dang I'm weak haha.

To scatter, To muster

A rose among the thorns, forlorn beauty.
A single teardrop, comfortless solace.
A lone wolf, reclusive existence.
A single cause to scatter.

A tapestry of words woven in fine artistry.
A crucible of ideas coalesce into a molten mix.
A symphony of wills resound in perfect pitch.
A single cause to muster.

What satisfies you?

First post of 2011... I wonder whether anyone reads this blog anymore. Probably not.
But oh well...

Nearing the end of the 2nd year of pharmacy - time flies. Is the second year tougher than the first? Definitely... but that's to be expected I guess. Something that I learned from JC. Life is Hard.

Anyways a random thought which i needed to pen down... which is why I'm blogging for the first time in ages:

What satisfies you? These three words carry deeper implications then I dare elaborate. They relate to not only to shallows of feelings but actually and more importantly to the depths of purpose - or in other words 'what really matters?'
If one is satisfied by good grades in life... does is stem from being academically good or does is stem from love/passion of the subject?
If one is satisfied by friendships... is it etched from the void of loneliness or does it spring forth from genuine love for one another?
The means are pretty much the same... but the motivations are chasms apart.

I know actions and deeds are important, no doubt... but really is it just about actions and deeds; or is the heart condition of greater significance? To this I can give no answer... for now.

But back to the question of what satisfies me? I shall narrow it down to the context of boardgames... Indeed I find them incredibly fun to play, it could have stemmed of from my gaming days of primary/secondary/jc/army... but something I've come to realise was that in as much I was enjoying my time playing with friends, I was intrigued by the mechanics... the art... the components... and halfway somehow... I lost the main point... which was enjoying playing boardgames with friends... but instead began to enjoying boardgames itself - dare I say idolising it.

So do I get satisfied by games? probably... grades? probably... friendships? probably... etc.
But if I ask whether they truly satisfy... putting it bluntly - Nope.

So what then truly satisfies? I can only say God.
A relationship like no other,
a pursuit like no other,
a life like no other.

Do I feel that all the time? sadly no... but those special moments which resonate with your soul, your being... there is nothing like it, for me at least... those really special moments where I can say perhaps for moments/seasons at a time. That I'm truly satisfied... and most of the time you don't realise it unless retrospectively where you find out that during those moments... satisfaction ironically is of no worth.

Dear Son

It's alright Ashley, my Son. I have loved you since I formed you, you are the works of my hands and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing you have done will ever make me love you less. For you are mine and I am yours.
Dear Son, let pride not get into your life for it separates you from me. A humble and contrite heart, that I do not despise. "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek me face, and turn away from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will heal their land."
Dear Son, I have been faithful since the beginning of time and Ashley, love them as I have loved you, care for them as I have cared for you. Teach then as I have taught you, and cover them in prayer, for as dear as they are to you more so are they to me. All of them. Live your life rightly, not out of duty, not out of hypocrisy, but because of what I have done and who I am. I have paid the penalty of your sins on the cross, I have carried your iniquities, so why condemn yourself? Why weigh yourself down pursuing things not of me? Live your life of freedom, live your life victoriously for the victory has been won. Believe that and live it out.
Dear Son, remember your first love.

Random Musings

I struggle with lentil soup;
the unseen things are probably the only things worth fighting for.

Have you ever seen the grey sky fall,
or a sea of red over the plains?
Clashes of silver, faces pale.
Glory and gold; riches untold await,
yet darkened souls and empty shells remain.

In the battle of sanity over my mind,
I come to none but one conclusion-the world is crazy.

Photo Entry 01/10 - 06/10

Half a year has passed, and I'll be doing a photo blog entry. It's been an eventful 6 months and no blog entry can summarise it. So this entry will be about the events captured by my hand phone. All photos were taken with my hand phone so please don't scrutinise the photos:

Heaven in the Sanctuary
They were fogging the church compound and somehow it got into the Sanctuary, felt like I was in the clouds. Can't really remember why I was there, maybe disciple class or something? But after this shot, Junming and I aptly opened all the windows and switched the fans on.

Instruments@Raffles Hotel
This is a photo taken during my field trip for Singapore Society, my B- module haha. Fun and enjoyable but to succinctly summarise the module - I just don't get it. The 2nd assignment was to watch a film/play and we watched Singapore dreaming. I remember watching the National Anthem being played during Dawn's and Chris' graduation at NP and started thinking about the symbolism portrayed by each scene haha.

Full moon after packing
This picture was taken after Jeremy Toh, Ronald and I finished packing the insane number of books Peter has. Navigators, wished I was more active in it, but with church and everything else... yup. But really thank God for the year 1 GC. We finished the walk this Sem! Both literal and the book. Shall see how we grow as we increase in seniority during the years of NUS.

Jessalyn's Birthday in School
One thing about pharmacy is the birthday celebrations we have in and out of school. From Max's to Carin's to Amanda's(during the reading week) to Jessalyn's. Somehow, one thing I like about pharmacy is that we do these kind of stuff. Makes it feel like a class. Took this photo because I found it amusing that someone was blindfolded in a LT. The one I remember most though was Jaryl's night safari.


Above: 28/04/10 Below:29/04/10
These two pictures can be summarised into the story which I call the yellow tree. For fellow pharmacy classmates, you'll remember that on 29/04/10, we had the dreaded Physical Pharmacy Exam. Somehow the day before, I just decided to take a photo of the tree I see every morning when I walk to farrer park MRT. It's a really nice tree. Grandeur with Tranquility. Sorts of brighten my day. I enjoy God's creation. Anyways, on the day of Physical Pharm, When I was walking down the same alley, lo and behold I saw the tree with a crown of yellow. From far, it really looked as if the flowers had blossomed. When I walked closer, I realised that The top leaves were yellowing - a real bright yellow. It reminded me of God's majesty and glory and that h=He was sovereign in my life over ALL my circumstances. So I sat that crazy paper that day comforted and filled with the peace of God that really transcended all understanding.

View from my corridor
Took this photo while waiting for the lift because I found the nice blend of white, blue and green

Vertical Marathon
Completed the Vertical Marathon at the 1RafflesPlace Building. Did it as a team with Abraham, Jeremy, Dawn and Inez. Our timing was insanely long. But the shirt is pretty nice and the view from the top was sweet. Too bad we couldn't take any photos up there. My detail was stuck for quite sometime because the lift overheated and so we had to wait till they had it operational again.

Photo taken at Bradell
This is one of the places I don't normally go to in Singapore. Was going to visit Jeremy who's working at a bookshop. Nice combination of red, blue, yellow, and green. Pretty amazing how HDB designs out cityscape. Anyways, finally bought the book Kingdom Come. Shall read it soon.

Amazing artistry across the evening sky
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. ~Psalm 36:5