My Teaching Days Have Ended

After thirty-one years of being involved in the education of our five children, either homeschooling or  formal, I'm done.  I never thought this day would come.  Not that I've been yearning for it that whole time.  I've only been ready to give it up the last six years or so.  And now it's here.

And to top that off, our youngest will be moving out in less than two weeks.  When it rains it pours.  As with most major parenting events, it's bittersweet.  I'm really ready for this new season, yet it finds me feeling anxious, lonely, uneasy, and kind of rudderless.   I'm a little ill-tempered and disgruntled and am having a hard time focusing.  I've been broadsided by all these unexpected feelings.  I'm asking myself, if I really am okay with not teaching and having no children living at home anymore, why am I feeling this way?

I know this is normal when cycling from one lifestage to another, I just didn't expect it this time.  I thought I'd be shouting Glory!  I AM glad, but I guess when you do something for so long, it's hard to give it up even when you don't want to be doing it.  Proof again that we're creatures of habit.

I have lots of plans for traveling and doing projects around the house.  I hope to take a painting class this fall.  I want to reconnect with my friends and have tea parties and sewing get-togethers.  And I'm especially looking forward to spending uninterrupted time with my husband.  We've waited a long time for this!

Identity

I don't know if you've noticed, but on my blog and Instagram "About Me" I say, "Homeschooling mom for 28 years" as the main thing that defines me. I'm very proud of that fact and always will be, but I don't want it to define me anymore. I'm ready to move on to the next stage of life, whatever that may turn out to be. Do we ever really know until it's over?

I know some things I want to try to be; a mom who's always there to listen or help, a grandmother who spends time and listens to her grandchildren, a wife who is a companion and helper to her husband, a homemaker who keeps a clean, happy home for all who visit or live there, a friend who is available, and a woman concerned with the larger world and doing what she can to alleviate suffering and advance Christ's kingdom throughout the world. A tall order to be sure!

I also want to write, paint, and capture beauty with my camera. I want to travel and see new things. I want to be happy and passionate about life.

I've known so many people that, as they get older, just sit around and don't do much of anything. They seem content enough, but I want more. I hope I'm never satisfied with just sitting around unless I'm unable to do anything else. Then I hope I accept it with grace and serenity.

For the rest of my allotted days, I want to run (or walk) and laugh and hold my breath in awe over a sunset. I want to wake up in anticipation of what the new day will bring. I want to fully live and have no regrets over a life less lived than it could have been.

So, I guess it's time to change my "About Me" paragraph to reflect my current life and to let go of what I've accomplished in the past, not that those years will ever be forgotten. How could they when they encompassed half of my life?

Retirement Presents

Originally I was looking for Roy Strong's Destruction of Country Houses, but whenever I did find a copy it was $75.00 on up. I didn't want it that badly. I'll keep looking though. Part of the thrill for me is the hunt. Excess testosterone, I guess!


These two treasures came in the mail yesterday as part of a 'retirement present' I'm giving myself for 28 years of homeschooling our five children. I don't need a gold watch.

Georgia History Begins in Savannah

Darcie and I spent Thursday night of last week at a B&B called The Azalea Inn in Savannah; wonderful place if you ever get the chance.

Originally booked as a 35th anniversary get-away for dear husband and myself, he said that if he's only going to be an hour away from home, he'd rather stay in his own bed. "Fine," says I. "I'll just take Darcie." And I did. I showed him.

We're learning Georgia History this year, so I thought this would be a great time and place to start.

Unfortunately, newly-turned-thirteen-year-old daughter doesn't like history. The travesty. I think she's adopted. I love history. Adore it even. Sigh....

So, my plan of attack was to walk through the historic district holding the shopping carrot over her; history first...shopping second. It pretty much worked.

This was the first time I've walked from one end of the historic district to the other. It's only about a mile one way. I do that all the time. But walking on uneven bricks and cobblestones, dodging traffic, taking endless photos, reading the map, etc. is pretty physically draining.

We just scratched the surface. Wait till she goes to Fort Jackson, Fort Pulaski, Fort Sumter, Fort Sunbury, etc. I may have to promise her unlimited use of my Visa!

Learning by Travelling

"A school should not be a preparation for life. A school should be life." Elbert Hubbard

We've learned much about the past from living history museums. There's a great one in Norris, Tennessee about pioneer life in the Appalachias. We also went to one in Virginia that shows how different ethnic groups lived in the 1600-1700's. One was Irish. Another was German. I can't remember the other one. Yorktown, VA has a pretty good one.

The one I'd really like to visit is in Massachusetts. It's called Plimouth Plantation. I've been wanting to see Cape Cod, so maybe next August we can go see both.

Seems like we usually take a vacation this time of year. Due to the twins coming two weeks ago, we'll not be travelling too far from home anytime soon. I do hope to take Darcie to the North Carolina mountains in October to see Biltmore House in Asheville and the Cherokee Indian Reservation in Cherokee.

In the fall the mountains call, and I must answer.

A Good Education

Darcie driving a wagon in Colorado and scraping a deer hide in Jamestown, Virginia.





"The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives."

Robert Maynard Hutchins

Grandsons watching a rifle-firing demo at Yorktown, VA. Good grief, those old guns were loud!

Bauer receiving a lecture on different punishments given to wrongdoers. The 'Insubordinate' label he's holding up certainly fits.

Caed petting a turkey in the colonial settlement at Yorktown, VA.

Bauer and Caed chasing a strange-looking duck.

I think one of the best ways to self-

educate is to travel. All these photos were taken on family field trips/vacations. Our family loves to learn the history of a place we visit and to do as many interesting things as we can while there. The children aren't always willing participants, but they'll thank me someday!

A Busy Week Ahead

Miss Thing will be gone all week to a church camp in the North Carolina mountains. I'm going to work like a fiend to get her room painted, her school books ordered, and her school year planned.

So....looks like my week off will be all about her anyway. So what else is new?

And do I need to say that she did NOT want to have her picture taken?

G.K. Chesterton Quote

"How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about arithmetic and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman's function is laborious because it is gigantic, not because it is minute." G. K. Chesterton-- English writer and Christian apologist.

The Best Kind of Learning

I really think the 'delight-directed' method of learning is the one that comes naturally. Case in point: Darcie saw the movie Soul Surfer. That started an obsession with all things Hawaiian and Caribbean. She checked out all the books she could find at the library on the subject. Here she is watching a Youtube video on how to hula dance. The grass skirt was left over from a previous birthday party. She completely learned the motions and words to Little Brown Girl. She can now entertain at a moment's notice if things get dull around here.

That led to other Youtube videos of Hawaiian singers and ukulele players. For her end-of-the-year present, she asked for and received her own ukulele. She can already play a couple of songs.

Next came a trip to the grocery store to buy all the tropical fruit we could find. Mangos, papayas, pineapples, and coconuts. Again, she looked online to learn how to know when these fruits are ripe and how to eat them. I took a nail and hammered three holes into the top of a coconut and drained out the milk. A few blows from a machete broke it open to show the super white coconut meat inside. I'll have to say that I learned as much as she did. I had never prepared and eaten a raw mango or papaya before. I also learned that I prefer them dried.

I'll admit that I'm rather indulgent with this kind of learning; within reason, of course. If the interest is there, I try to provide, as much as is in my power, the means to learn about it. I want her to learn the subject into the ground until she's ready to move on to the next obsession.

One big advantage of homeschooling is that you get to lie on the couch with your kitty in your arms and do your required history reading.

The Last Messy Place

Well, I've done it. I've gotten rid of ALL superfluous papers in the house. All that's left to organize is my writing desk. And that'll be fun.

I feel like such a weight has been lifted off me. I hate paper clutter with a vengeance. We get so much junk mail. It seems that I'm on everybody's mailing list for catalogs and religious fundraising. I'm thinking about not opening the letters and marking RETURN TO SENDER on the outside of the envelopes. Would that take care of the problem, do you think?

Now I can start on some of my big projects, but first I had to get through the slog of paper. I've spent the last two weeks making schedules and planning Darcie's schoolwork. I'm almost finished with that, and then I can begin painting the kitchen.

Every ten years I repaint the kitchen. When we built the house the kitchen walls were white with green trim. After ten years, I painted the trim blue. Another ten years have gone by, and I've decided to paint the walls yellow and the trim white. I painted one wall and have been living with it for about two months. I don't like it. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I'm thinking about going back to white walls and paint the trim white, too; or maybe light blue.

My kitchen is a combination 1920's-1940's kitchen. I think I need to go to the library and look at books with vintage kitchens. I need inspiration. When I see it, I'll know it.

Ash Friday

I've tried for the last twenty minutes to attach a photo of myself to this blog post, and I'm giving up. Which, now that I think about it, is appropriate. You'll see why in a minute.

I missed Ash Wednesday. I wasn't even sure what it meant until I read other blog posts about it. I feel that I've missed out on some great church traditions being raised Southern Baptist and now Presbyterian. I should have known what Ash Wednesday was all about, but I didn't.

So I've been reading up this week on Lent. I like the idea of it. To give up something we cherish, perhaps too deeply, in order to think more on Christ and what He gave up in order to reclaim mankind.

So what to give up? I ponder on this as I stride angrily about outside doing different chores...anything to keep me outside in the cold long enough to cool off a little inside and out. Anger boils up inside me over things too deep to analyze; some not so deep. A recent argument with an eleven year old. A recent argument with a twenty five year old. No respect. Just leave me alone. Get a job. Get a life. Do your schoolwork!

As I'm emptying the ash bucket I stop and look down. Gray ashes burnt up and lifeless. Like I feel. I reach down and touch my finger to the soft remains and then place it between my eyes on my forehead. Ash Friday...what do I give up?

Myself. I give up my anger and self-righteous attitude. For the next forty days I'm going to try to not think about myself. Every time "I" pop into my thoughts, I'm going to deliberately turn that "I" into an "other". I tried it for the rest of the day, and it worked. I started feeling better mentally and physically.

Some background: I've been sick for the last two weeks and have spent it mostly at home huddled around a fire. As much as I love being home and having fires, my spirit doesn't benefit from too much of it. Everything turns inward and focuses on self.

Another thing I do is read self-help books focusing on the artistic nature. I don't think there's anything wrong with these books, but I make myself think I'm being productive by reading them instead of actually making art.

So no more "self" books or inward, selfish thinking until Easter. That's why I don't need a picture of myself attached to this post.

Monday Art Class

Monday mornings I teach art and music to four other children and Darcie. The younger boy (in the truck bed) is my oldest grandson.

This particular Monday we made grapevine wreaths and decorated them with local fall flowers and plants. After showing them how to make the wreaths, I told them to go jump on the back of the truck without telling them what we were doing.

Caed and Darcie immediately jumped in being used to my craziness. The other three cast wary glances all around not sure if I meant it.

I finally convinced them to get on. I drove slowly down the dirt road looking for Goldenrod, Pennsylvania smartweed, Beautyberry, and anything else we thought would look good in a wreath.

We filled the truck bed up with wildflowers of all kinds, came back home and decorated the wreaths. They were all quite pretty. They were sure proud of their accomplishments. I'm sure they'll always remember the time "Miss Debbie" took them for a ride in the back of the truck to gather flowers.

Nature's Fall Bounty

This is what my kitchen floor in front of the pantry looked like when I got home from Tennessee. There are three bushels of apples, a large bucket of potatoes dug from my parents' garden, pears picked off their neighbor's tree, and three pumpkins sitting on the porch that aren't in this photo.

I've made some headway on the apples by making applesauce and apple pie mix. We've also eaten lots of them. I still have one and a fourth bushels left.

I've given some potatoes away and kept the rest. Last night for our fish dinner, I made home fries in the oven with olive oil and seasoning salt. We'll be eating lots of potatoes around here for awhile.

With the pears I've made Pear Crisp. They're deteriorating rapidly and need to be put up asap.

I hope to can some as Garrett loves Jello with pears. I want to have some if he decides to come home in five months.

One pumpkin has been cut up and baked in the oven and is now in our extra refrigerator awaiting processing. I'll puree and can it where it'll be used for pies, muffins, and bread.

Gayle said he's bringing in some White Half Runners this next week. Yikes! I told him to bring them on as I only have thirteen quarts to last till next June. For those of you who don't know, White Half Runners are the best kind of green bean. They're the only kind we ate growing up. People in the mountains especially like them. The grower down here in South Georgia ships all he grows up to Tennessee. So on top of all the pears, apples, and pumpkins, I'll have green beans too!

I think we'll take a 'Harvest Break' from homeschooling. There's no way I can put up all this food and keep to my regular schedule. Plus, Darcie needs to learn how to do all this canning and food storage. It's another form of education. Another benefit of teaching at home-the children get to live a real life instead of being stuck in a schoolroom with their peers while learning about life from a book. I believe in both books and real life. And when real life asserts itself with this much natural bounty, I'm going to pay attention and see that my students do too!

Thoughts in Solitude

I'm back! I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. Lots of things have happened since then, but I'll save them for another day.

Today I wanted to share a quote from Thomas Merton from his book Thoughts in Solitude. He says, "If you want to have a spiritual life you must unify your life. A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. No man can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire."

I've been thinking a lot lately about the reasons why I do what I do. Why do I want to pursue photography? Why would I want a website showcasing my art? Why am I so weepy about Garrett leaving? God has really been shining a spotlight on my heart motives. I'm finding that motives have all kinds of things wrapped around them. It's like peeling an artichoke to find the center. The difference between my heart motives and an artichoke is that the artichoke is just an artichoke. You know what you'll find when you pull away the leaves. The leaves are pretty much all the same. Simple.

The heart though is wrapped up with pride, sin, lust, self-serving, anger, envy, etc. Thankfully, God peels back these wretched layers gently and slowly. Who could stand it otherwise? Our sin would overwhelm us.

I've gotten frustrated in the past about not being able to figure out my sense of unease over the art I try to produce. Other people seem to just be able to turn out piece after piece with nary an angstful thought. God's definitely trying to teach me something.

So I try to do those things I KNOW he's called me to do; take care of my home, love my husband and children, teach Darcie, be with my grandchildren, encourage my friends, be kind and patient to all, feed the hungry, etc. Then if there's any time left over, I try to do art. It's important but not as essential as the above listed things.

Lord, help me to be content with what you've called me to do. Forgive me when I envy others who seem to produce so effortlessly. Help my eyes focus on you, and if it be your will, provide me with opportunities to make beauty. May my motives be pure and my heart desire only what brings glory to You. Amen

My Dream Day

I'm reading this book called Slow Time-Recovering the Natural rhythm of Life by Waverly Fitzgerald. She gives you an exercise to do called "The Dream Schedule".

You're supposed to take your Daytimer, planner, or whatever you use to make your weekly schedules on and write out your dream schedule.

My ultimate dream schedule would be to live at the beach and do whatever I felt like whenever I felt like, but she's talking about your daily schedule during the school year.

So I started writing down my dream day and then realized that it's what I already do. Wow! I have a great life! Oh there are the usual upsets, but overall, I love my life! Based on my previous post and what John Calvin said, I pray, "God, please don't zap me because I've got a great life." No, I don't believe God works that way. I think He wants me to be holy AND happy. Sorry John! But of course he sends times of testing. That is, after all, how we're sanctified.

Here's my Dream Day taken from the schedule I've made out for our new school year which starts Sept. 8.

5:15-Get up, dress, make-up

5:30-Journal

5:45-Read some creativity book

6:00-Morning Worship

7:00-Exercise- Yoga, Weights, Biking, Walking

8:00-Breakfast, cleanup, make bed, check e-mail

8:30-Straighten house/Zone cleaning

9:00-Blog/Write

9:45-Check Darcie's schoolwork

10:00-Teach Darcie language arts

10:45-Tea

11:00-Leave to take Darcie to co-op classes

11:30-Home/Piano & other instruments

12:00-Check e-mail/Eat lunch

12:30-Project Time

2:00-Reading/Rest

3:00-Leave to get Darcie

3:30-Home/Teatime

4:00-Iron/Sewing

5:00-Home Arts with Darcie

7:00-Supper/Cleanup

7:30-Check e-mail

8:00-Evening Worship/Read to Darcie

8:30-Straighten house/Plan next day

9:00-Bath/Read blogs

10:00-Bedtime

Two afternoons a week I take Darcie to chorale practice and horseback riding, but when we're home we follow the above schedule.

I don't follow it 100%, because I'm a great believer in spontaneity. Lots of times I stay up much later than 10:00 which means I can't get up at 5:15. And I'll get involved in something in the morning and get on a roll and instead of sticking to the schedule, I'll do the certain something all morning.

It's not the best way to do things, but it keeps me from getting bored and allows for more creativity. I do follow the schedule more than not.

And Darcie is doing independent schoolwork while I'm doing other things. So for as long as we're homeschooling, this is a great schedule for us. I'm truly blessed to be able to teach her, stay at home, and do my creative projects.

I do look forward to the day when I can spend bigger blocks of time on creativity and acts of mercy.

Imagine

Yesterday at our homeschool group sign language class, the teacher/mom had the group of twenty or so children standing in a wide arc.  She was teaching them how to sign to the song Imagine.  

Now I've heard that song sung before, and while it has always made me think about what heaven will be like, I really was moved by the words and the  music as I watched all those sweet children communicate without words.

Caed, my oldest grandson, had his back to me. His little skinny legs with the white socks, one higher than the other, were sticking out of his oversized carge shorts.  He looked so sweet and vulnerable standing there making big arm circles over his head for the word 'imagine'.  I got all choked up thinking that I might not be spending forever with him in heaven.  I know I'll be going there when I die, but I don't know his heart.  Will he embrace the faith so carefully passed down or will he go his own way; the way that leads to spiritual death?

All I know is that I need to pray so much more for all my family and live the kind of life that causes them to ask me about the joy that lives in me; and invite them to share in God's forever which begins right now on this earth.

A Day in the Life

Here's Darcie this morning doing a little encyclopedia research all decked out in her nightgown, unbrushed hair, and my plaid wellies.  Actually this isn't typical of her. She's usually dressed by now.

But since her room has been confiscated by her oldest brother, Garrett, just home from Army training, she has to wait until he's up and about before using her room. 

School must go on though!  I'm glad homeschool gives us the freedom and flexibility to let a weary soldier sleep in when needed.  Actually, he was probably playing video games too late last night and was making up for lost time this morning. Or perhaps he was dreaming of his ladylove, Mallory? 

He's gone to spend some time with her this weekend.  I hope they set the date, and the sooner the better!

The Never-ending Summer (I wish)

I don't know what my problem is.  Usually I can't wait for Fall to get here.  Summer is my least favorite season.  But for some reason this year, I don't want summer to end.  I love lying around reading Janet Evanovich novels.  They're hilarious!  I like having my mind clear of schedules, busyness, grading papers, getting Darcie to her activities, etc.  I think that's part of it.   I've hauled around chilluns' for twenty seven years now, and I'm tired.  I want to learn to paint and such; things that take concentration and chunks of time.  

But I have a ten-year-old; at least I will tomorrow.  I have to do for her what I did for the other ones.  I can't in good conscience put her in school.  So I'm going to have to buck up and suck it up.  SO.................

How to get myself in the mood for Fall?  Finish the J. Evanovich book I'm reading and don't read her again until the next holiday.  Put away all my summer clothes and get out my fall ones.  I NEVER, repeat NEVER, wear white after Labor Day.  My Mama raised me right!  Make myself go through Darcie's school books and start planning.  Cook pumpkin bread, apple bread, and soups.  Any other ideas?

IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL

I was visiting a friend's website today.  She is a middleman (woman) for people selling homeschooling supplies and curriculum.  I found ABeka Fifth Grade Language and ordered it.  Come to find out, the seller is my husband's boss in Florida!  Our world just keeps getting smaller and smaller.