Crap

No point updating. Sianz. Nothing to type also.

Confused..

I really don't know what to do now.. Another incident's happened just around me and I also can't help it..

One of my aunts have schizophrenia.

When I first heard this I can't accept the fact.. But.. Judging from her pale looks. My mum told me that the tranquilizers were injected when her hands and legs were tied to the chair.. And her husband cried all the way on their way back from the hospital @ Melaka.. I really don't want to think about it..

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
ANNOUNCEMENT

We wish to inform our customers that the Internet service is currently experiencing a degradation in performance caused by several outages at some of the international links. This is attributed to the Richter 7.1 magnitude earthquake that struck off the southern coast of Taiwan at 12.07 a.m. on 27th December 2006, which caused the APCN2 (Asia Pacific Cable Network 2) submarine cable fault between Shantou, China and Tanshui, Taiwan and between Lantau, Hong Kong and Chongming, China.

This has caused outages at several TM Net international transit and peering links, mainly to the said countries. As a result, Internet users in Malaysia and other parts of Asia may be experiencing some delay when assessing content and websites hosted outside of Malaysia, especially in U.S., Japan, China, Taiwan, Korea and Europe. TM Net has taken immediate action to divert traffic through other back-up links to reduce the traffic congestion.

The international providers are carrying out immediate restoration works to rectify the problem. We will be making further announcements when the service has resumed.

TM Net Sdn Bhd apologizes for any inconvenience caused whilst at the same time, we would like to assure you that we are doing all that is necessary in order to restore the service as soon as possible.

Customers can call TM Net Customer Interaction Centre at 1-300-88-9515 (24 hours) or 1-300-88-1515 from 8:00 a.m. till midnight or e-mail us at custcare@tm.net.my for further enquiries about this matter.

Quoted from tm.net.my.. Oh my god Streamyx gonna die man. Now using some weird proxy server from Australia to connect to internet. Lucky I found them, else I can't even blog. =P

Just back from KL..

Haha never expect my troupe to have a shopping time before performing @ SungeiWang! The shoppin' centre's big man. I'll never be able to see everything in the little 2 hours we were given.

ARGH Zhe Ying never go. Waste my time (lol). Anywayz when the performance is in progress there is someone called 林家勇 whom I think is only around 10-12 years old, he sang very well man! His voice is very "厚" and he sang like an adult! Got singing technique also de leh! So pro la.. Sighsigh I need to train more man.

One of our dancers went into hospital because of food poisoning.. And our teacher took over her position HAHAHA!! She just looks funny when she wore the Malay costume (= And she took lotz of photos with us.

Brother went to Singapore for his OGL camp.. Now I'm all alone. =X

No Topic

Nah. Gonna go back to Singapore only on 1st of January 2007. Gotta go KL tomorrow for a performance.. Haha.

Anyway I miss you all guys. (=

She's so cute!

She's so cute! Right? Argh can't stand it she's very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very cute!!!

Anyways.. Yesterday went to JB to perform.. Emcee again.. And did the organizer disappoint me man. We started performing at around 7.30pm, then at around 8.15 we stopped because they want to have some 仪式.. And they said that they are gonna stop at 9pm (and we take over) and the whole thing ending at 10.30pm. In the end they stopped at 10pm = = We still have like 15+ performances and only half an hour?

Then in the end a lot of performances were cut and when we go out for 大合唱 its like only 5-7 tables were with people sitting. How awkward man! But luckily they are very 赏脸 la, gave us loud applauses (=

Yesterday was fun (= Haha. Especially with Zhe Ying there (the girl above) YAY

lalala

OMG BOONWEI You are in Hall D! Lolz.

These few weeks are still like that.. Just play and eat and sleep I guess.. But I went to shoppin' with my friends a lot of times (= And we played DDR also! YAY Haha.. Denise sorry =X Anywayz got quite a few performances, I'm quite ok on the emcee part but my singing sucks.. My 你那么爱她 seriously cannot make it le.. But still forced to sing.. Sigh.

Going back to Singapore on 25th. Don't know how the next year will be like.. Haha.

Sigh, I think I'm becoming like.. Don't know la.. Must change myself le..

I'm screwed.

I really don't know what I'm doing. For the past few weeks, all I do is stone in front of the computer and maybe play some DotA or some shit. And I just performed an hour ago. Screwed it up. Totally. I really don't know. I don't want to sing badly, but I just did.

Sigh. I feel like I'm gonna explode. I really don't know what I should do now. I don't want to talk to people; primarily because I don't know what to say, and also because I am afraid what I say will change people's image towards me. I know being a silencer is a problem but what else can I do?

Please.. Can someone help me? Maybe MSN me to tell me what to do. Please.. I'm dying

Wicked Sick

Argh now really no life la.
No life as in NO LIFE.
YOU KNOW THAT TYPE OF
Everyday you wake up
Stone in front of the computer
Play some lame dota which totally mean nothing
And eat
And go to web
And _____
Really nothing to do already.

Argh.

I guess I am trying to wait for some miracle that couldn't happen.
You know that type of ______ has signed in.
Haha. (=

hot cappucino rocks

This message is supposed to be posted on 4/11, Saturday. However, due to a Blogger problem, I was unable to post it.

“I know everybody has their own story to tell,” Baona once typed in her blog.

This sentence has always been deeply remembered in my heart.

Sometimes, you know,
No, I don’t think anyone knows.
My life’s no life I believe.
And I’m glad (or I shouldn’t be) when I can help someone.
This sentence, told me a lot of things.
Yes, everyone has their bad memories somewhere inside their heart
And sometimes I really thought that I NEEDED to find someone
Who will really listen to all these CRAP that I want to tell
But I couldn’t
Firstly because I don’t have the 勇气 (courage sounds too positive)
And secondly everyone else’s story really needs much more concern than what I need
Thus helping others has been my top priority

Sometimes I thought
That the age difference really makes a _difference_
With me at the age of 14++
I believe that this would make a difference in my everyday life
In whether I get to hang out with my friends (they don’t ask me out)
In whether I really can talk with someone who really listen to what I say
From the bottom of my heart (thanks Andre, and until now I still believe that our little age difference makes us good friends)
And I always thought of myself as someone despicable
Maybe because of my childishness that I really wanted to change but really couldn’t
This childish mindset is really affecting my lifestyle I believe

I told myself I want to change
But I never?
Sigh. I believe that it’s because of my inability to challenge what I have decided
I feel lonely.
Not because I don’t have friends
(friends = acquaintances?)
Like what you see on MSN
凄零零的一片
If someone (not Andre) will talk to me because he’s/she’s bored
Let me tell you
That will be when the sun rises from the west.
Yes it’s true
Haha. The age difference’s really troubling me a lot.

I think I’m asking too much, right..
I really want to help
I really want to lend my shoulder
Should you encounter any problems
And I am willing to help you to try to solve the problem
Sometimes I told myself that my mindset is weird
I want to help, and when I couldn’t I told myself that I am useless
And I believe that this kind of thinking is derived from the fact that I am isolated
Because of the age difference I guess.

What if I didn’t skip Primary 4?
I don’t know.
I really enjoy my adventures from Secondary 1-4 (=

My mother told me that it is good that I want to help others
But it isn’t good that I feel that I am useless when I can’t help
But.. Tell me, what else can I do?
I am just so useless I think
I can’t do anything right
And my way of doing things is _really_ childish
Tell me to change huh
I am trying to
But I don’t know how long it will take

Everyone has their own story to tell.
So I guess I shall shut up.

And before I forget, I really regret for the first 20+ posts in my Wordpress blog.
Sorry to all those who read it.
It was kind of a childish act by me you see?
Again it’s something that “没有经过大脑”, quoted by my mother when scolding me.

You know, it’s kind of weird when I am doing this at Genting Highlands.
Haha, but it just felt kind of stupid.

Kelvin told me that my class people don’t like people who use 4F Language
And sadly I am one.
Yeah, I’m trying to change this..
Trying not to use it anymore.
Although it’s to some people’s amusement
But now, really, I am starting to think that it is just lame.

I guess I shouldn’t think too much.
But these type of stuff are really subjective
When you shouldn’t think too much and relax
Just ignoring it won’t solve the problem. Haha.

I guess I’ll stop here.

- Artix (=

-------------------END POST-------------------

This message is supposed to be posted on 5/11, Sunday. However due to the lack of internet there is again a delay.
This post was constantly updated throughout the day.

Sigh.
My aunt wanted to stay with her friends 1 more day
And that led to me being forced to stay in Selangor for another day
And this time without internet

I think I sound like the internet is my everything
Sigh. Like keep complaining like that.
I’m thinking about whether all the computers, blogs, or anything
If they have a life?
Then I’m like not treating my blog in a good way
Since it’s just a platform for me to shout out all my emotions
And it’s just not right

But
Trust me
You won’t play yourself when you are at Genting, right?
Like you were forced to Genting
And all the elders went to the casino
And what the hell are you supposed to do???
Eat sleep play slack
Nothing else?
Sigh.

Actually I think going on to MSN doesn’t make a difference.

Just read through some of my past conversations
And found out that some stuff that I chatted with Andre
As In what I have said
Was damn childish.
Anyway Andre pawns everyone with 1259kb (the chat log file size)
That’s a bit noob damn a lot la!

There’s something wrong with Lee Koon.
I think she’s iNfAtUaTeD with someone..
Look at all her spastic (yes spastic) nicknames
“感冒了... 但是我还是要走进你的生活圈子…”
Hah. And her blogskin..
Obviously it’s not right la.
Guess she needs some private time to think..
Actually I think she’s.. (don’t know what to use)
She’s always lively and happy
And she’s always trying to help others who are sad
But deep in her heart I believe she is actually quite weak..
Or did I not understand enough about her.
Hah. Childish thinking.

Worst bath I have ever taken since I was born.

-------------------END POST-------------------

Hah. I never thought it would be like that.

Untitled

gosh, don't know what to do now.

Chatted with Rachel today.. (rach.yueqin has signed in at 12.17AM)
Talked about lots of stuff I guess.
Really meaningful chat. (=
Just don't think too much I guess.. You too
Haha. The THANKS! was fun.

d3@+h n0+3

Come on.. 盖世英雄到来！

You want updates?

Random title.
Anyway I believe there's nothing to hide anymore.
Maybe just make this my blog
Since this one looks so damn damn nice!! xD

Sorry

Weee sorry momo.. Forgot to tell you =p I think I only told Andre about it xD Sorry wor!! Hahaha..

Seriously don't know what to type now. lol
Come on.
I am supposed to be HAPPY! (=
When she is, I guess.
But I am not.
Seems that I can't give up that easily..

No title (>.<)

She is so close..
Yet so far..
Why..
Is life made to be like that..
To torture people..
Till they really suffered hard enough..
And that, she's experienced it before..
Sigh..
Maybe what she said is correct..
It's just easier to let go..?
And harder to cherish..
Yes?
Or no..?
I don't know..
ARRGHHH
Don't think about it la..
Sigh..
And I just screwed up the conversation with her..
You see..
It's like I want to comfort her..
In case her exams are not very good..
But I forgot talking about that will 一箭穿心..
Sigh..
I really need to know how to interact with people correctly..
And leave a good image to them..
Right..?

So close..
But so far..
(CLOSE+FAR)/2=MIDDLE?
I don't agree with this..
(lol random thought)..

O.o

She's online.
So?

Heal..

Seriously..
I thought that I had so many things that
I just want to tell everyone about it
But guess life's like that..
Always don't want to be perfect, isn't it?

Watched Death Note yesterday. It was cool! I love the story itself already, and I like all the plots (= Very nice!

Went to Lot1 a few days ago, and when I arrived I stood up, preparing to go down, then there was this pretty lady studying in ___ (I don't know >.<) who picked up my wallet (I dropped it by accident) and gave it to me. Really thanks to her la! Or else I could have ruined my whole life >.<

But I should type this at wordpress.. Nah, forget it.

Sigh sigh CHINESE!~!
It's so damn sianz la~~
I don't want to study lo..
And still got that freaking 7 综合填空 to do leh!
My Chinese grade from A1 drop to B3 la..
Don't know but just no interest..

It's ok..
I'm still trying to heal.

wahahahahaha

Someone help... Seriously blank..
I don't want to play game..
But nothing to do liao..
I don't want to just sit here and do nothing
But I still can't do a shit
Wahahahahahahahahahahaha
Feeling like a fool cos' I'll let you down~~
Lol this song rocks.

wow

Nice blogskin. (=

Andre: "How do you expect me to respond to that?"

ARRRGGHHHHH. I'm going mad
A LOT OF STUFF to do after exams are over..
And what the heck am I doing here..
Sigh. Go sms liao
I seriously need to la.

EDITED:
Sometimes I REALLY wonder.
REALLY (dunno how many times have I said this >.<)
Is Lee Koon the only -idiot- who is just freaking happy and go lucky. right there?
Or is she the only one who really understand how to make the sadness disappear.
Or is she the only one who know how to 执著 as she has said.

Sigh. What the hell did I say

Nah. Andre's got it all screwed up.

Hey.. Don't think too much ok?
You can do it..
I believe in you
You can survive through the struggles..
I'll always be supporting you
In the hope that you can do it..~!

Exams are over..
But I don't think a lot leh.
Sigh..
Can you at least respond to me..
So that I can really help you..
At least in terms of word..
At least as a friend..

COME ON.
Continue dao-ing me bah.

Sigh.
Why am I the one =/

I really that bad meh?
Tell me please

LALALALALALALALALA

How you measure a man~~

Wow. I had too many stuff on my head that I forgot about the MA forum.

Anyway.. Exams are indirectly over. (Only Maths 2 and Chinese 1 remaining)
And I didn't expect Maths 1 to be such a feeder paper (yes we call it like this). Look at the questions! Lol. Out of 80 marks I thought that I have already scored 78. Stupid trigo xD

Anyway to my HORROR, I can do the Geography paper! It's like I never study lo. But the questions so damn direct haha. Think can pass la. At least not screwed up like Social Studies.

And something weird. The more I look at Lee Koon's blog, the more I get sad and angry, but I still want to see it. oo what's the meaning of this. Just treat this as a symbol of friendship bah.

Nah. Everyone's dead in exams.









Please.. Be your usual self..
I don't want to see you like this..

One week has passed since the exams have started.

1. English (Compre + Compo)
Ok la. Not so hard.. "Technology is the cause of the end of the human race." Do you agree? I chose this question.. And SRQ was not bad lo. Can do all the stuff. And I became more excited as I write haha.

2. Chemistry
A LOT OF CARELESS MISTAKES! But generally it was ok la.. Since it's set by Mrs Sow xD But she set a lot of trap lo. Stupid. But I only need 50 for Chemistry A1 (=

3. Physics
Paper one was damn hard! Luckily I can do most of the questions in Paper 2.. And what the hell is momentum? Lol. Hope I can get a B3 bah.

4. Chinese Compre
Nothing much to say. Can do lo.

5. SOCIAL STUDIES
Failed. Just failed. I can bet with my stupid LIFE that I WILL FAIL THE TEST

I'm going to dao maths I believe.. Totally no more motivation to study.. And I am not good in Geography.. Sigh my IH grade's gonna get stabbed by my stupid self.

=/

Just read her blog.. Sigh.
When I can only watch her suffer from far away
I can't..
[FUCK YOU XIAN YOU YOU ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU NOT BEING ABLE TO HELP HER AND SO WHAT? SHE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU]
That's right.
Sigh.
I am not striving in greater hopes.
I am SIGHING.
About my weakness at the same time I believe..
And I believe that she really has a lot of problems..
A lot fo thinking that I probably would not understand at the age of the friggin' 14.
She is weaker than everyone else in terms of her inner strength..
But I feel sort of "glad" that she is trying to accept it bah.
And she's trying to do something about it..
But..
I hope she will still treasure this year in her life..
Because of 心韵..

And I believe she can cover her scar.
The fact that she is trying to do something is already winning half the battle.

Sigh.

当故事结束之后
心也喜欢一个人寂寞

P/S: Everyone has his own story.
Maybe I am also afraid of what I did.
I am the one who always screwed everything up.

PP/S: Crap. Forgot what I wanted to type now.
I only remembered me being the one who..
I don't know
Just think of what did I say to her on MSN.
AHHHHHH
I AM GOING MAD

English exam was surprisingly.. not hard.
The compo had a question called
"Technology is the cause of the end of the human race."
Do you agree?
LOL STUPID QUESTION
Obviously do this one.

SRQ also quite easy. A lot of arguments for you to pick out. (=

Hope you're also taking the exam well.
(=

Rahhhh
Am I really such a bad person?
That everyone must despise me
And go away from me?
ZZZ.

Yihong dao-ed me on her tagboard.
I know it's very no link
But I'll try to treat it as "she didn't see it".

Haha. 2+ more days to EF exam.

Sigh.
Just forget about her, will ya, xian you?
Actually I had put it down already
So I'm actually quite "relieved" now
But just have that weird feeling that I really didn't mugged enough.

EDIT:
sigh - Striving in Greater Heights
o.o

Sigh.
No life.
I mean "NO LIFE".
That is, I don't have a thing to do.
Everything I do is equal to either
Hurting someone
Or making the matter worse
Sigh.

Tell me what to do.

someone is thinking of you
someone cares about you
someone misses you

someone wants to talk to you
someone wants to be with you
someone hopes you aren't in trouble

someone wants to hold your hand

someone hopes everything turns out all right
someone wants you to be happy

someone is celebrating your successes
someone wants to give you a gift
someone think you ARE a gift
someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot
someone wants to hug you

someone loves you
someone wants to lavish you with small gifts

someone is thinking of you and smiling

someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on
someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone thinks the world of you
someone wants to protect you
someone would do anything for you
someone wants to be forgiven

someone remembers you and wishes you were there

someone needs to know that his love is unconditional

someone wants to tell you how much they care about you
someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you

someone wants to share their dreams with you

someone wants to hold you in their arms
someone treasures your spirit

someone wishes they could STOP time because of you

someone can't wait to see you

someone loves you for who you are

someone loves the way you him them feel
someone wants to be with you
someone hears a song that reminds him of you
someone wants you to know he’s there for you
someone stayed up all night thinking about you

someone is alive because of you

someone is wishing that you would notice him
someone wants to get to know you better

someone believes that you are his soul mate

someone wants to be near you

someone has faith in you

someone trusts you

Don't worry readers. (_readers_) I am now in mugging mode I believe.

Tuesday we had form teacher period. And Joseph was showing the skit cum dance that he participated in with the SCGS girls. The theme was racial harmony; and they were all dressed up in different racial groups.

When the show is playing, my class were commenting on the “er-ness” of the girls. While I was thinking differently. I think my classmates are sorta childish I don’t mean that. Maybe it is because they have never really experienced the hardship in going through all the rehearsals, as well as the joy. I think Joseph surely had learned a lot from this.

And that leads me to the AYLS days again. The days where I was like, infatuated with Lee Koon for 1.5 weeks? Sigh. Just have a strange feeling when I think of that everytime. I sort of learned something from there bah. Until now I am still thinking whether my decision of telling her I like her was a good choice. The thing is, she saw my weakened self that few days, and it’s like it would be very “funny” (readers should get what I mean) (LOL READER = moxiang + andre) to tell her that I like her when everything is in her eyes. And she even said “I guessed it long ago”.

But if I didn’t tell her, I can’t imagine what I would be feeling now. Maybe I’ll still be attracted infatuated with her? That is my guess. And I wouldn’t guess my results. I told myself that there will be a drop if I didn’t tell her on that day. I can’t even remember the date.

And strangely, I am one of the few (I don’t think I am the only one) people in 心韵.新韵 that had my results _improved_ in Term 3 (excluding the people who really don’t treasure these working days, of course, for example Bin Sheng). Sometimes I would really be thinking, what the hell? Or did I not really put in my heart into the show?

Sigh.

That is what I am afraid of. And I am constantly telling myself that that wasn’t the truth. I really enjoyed it. Really..

And I seriously think that I shouldn’t ::hate:: Lee Koon. It’s not good, of course, when I am trying to sorta destroy our ‘friendship’, or whatever you call that. Let’s just keep it that way. At least we are “acquaintances”. Yeah.

Exams are coming. And I had been slacking. I always told myself, “Time to start mugging”, but in the end I don’t even know what I was doing. But others called me a “mugger” when I isn’t one.

I really want to shout What the heck is that for.

AHHH

Sigh. I just don’t know what the heck is happening to me.
But really.
I’m starting to envy Lee Koon..
Starting to dislike her..
For some funny reason..
Sigh. What’s the point of thinking like that?
MUG.

Changed blogskin. I won't change address though.

Where did you go..
I miss you so much..
Really..
You disappeared..
I miss you..
I know it is not very nice to send the sms..
But I just wanted to care for you..
Where are you..?
I am going mad..
Sigh..

我受够了。
真的。
不明白Jeremy是在做什么。
从两点到四点二十四分。
做一个华文理解。
不够吗？
可能他的华语水平不好
但是也不需要两个多小时吧？
有的copy也不要？
现在他在那儿说shit
有用？
我明白他不要抄作业是因为他要学习
可是
Did he spare a thought for me?
Did he thought of me not being able to go home
JUST because I have to submit the papers?
I told him to submit tomorrow..
But he chose not to..

算了
为什么我每天都在说算了？

I felt that I am useless..
I wanted to help her..
When I just couldn't do a thing..
Sigh..
And she's like, dao everything?
I really want to lend a hand..

zz

Still recovering from the maforums thing la.

Mindy..
Stop it la.
Sigh.
But I think I got it somehow clear now.
It shouldn't be her.
:p

EXPLOSION! WAHAHA.

Shan't think too much now.
Baona said "I can't talk"
Don't know what she mean..
Was worrying if she got finger prob
Sigh..
I think I really.

-edit-

will think more carefully now.
still very confused.
maybe i must put down 1 bah..
(ok thats obvious)

-edit-

I must say sorry to bw here..
I forgot about your birthday.. totally..
It was momo who told me about it..
OMG LA..
Sorry wor..
Really very very sorry..
Don't even know whether I can still be considered as your good friend..
Sigh..
Just hope you can forgive me..

sidenote: wow rachel was the 1st one to wish boon happy birthday. OMGWTHBBQ

STONE.

Stoning
Takes up part of my life.
Sigh.

NO LIFE! WHY LIKE THAT?
HUH WHY LIKE THAT?
Sigh..
I don't want to mug..
I JUST don't want to mug..
AHHH.
I'm gonna die.

DIE FOOL!
WAHAHA.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOMEONE HELP ME
WAHHHHHH IM GONNA FREAK OUT LIAO
..
Sigh.
No one's gonna help la
And no one can help la..
So just save myself lor.

There's a chance
But I don't grab it.

Sigh.. AHHHH

Sigh. Don't even know what I am thinking now.

Actually.. I feel something weird.
I always tried to talk to people on msn..
When, well, I always try to avoid
Because I am afraid that I will be a nuisance..
In the end when I am deciding
They signed out.

是我不会把握机会吗？

EDIT: I realised it.
I don't like anyone.
I like only myself.
For now.
Until I really knew who I like..

Forgive me..

Forgive me Rachel..
I didn't do it on purpose..
Everyone's worrying about you..
And Boon Wei's worrying a lot..
That's why I told him..
Please forgive me..
I'm sorry..

Sigh. Now I'm REAL depressed. Can't get away with it la.. Sigh. I want to say sorry to you.. But 就是开不了口..

edit at 11.42pm

JASON BOEY. F*CK YOU.
I AM TRYING TO SHOW SOME CONCERN
WHEN YOU IMMEDIATELY SWITCHED TO CAPS MODE AFTER I TYPED.
AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON?
算了. SINCE I AM NOT SOMEONE TO BE TRUSTED.

Sigh.

Sigh. Why am I sighing.
Maybe it's because people don't believe in MA's mugging meetings.
At least I believe.

And I don't dare to talk to her..
Really..
I am afraid..
I don't know what to do..
Sigh.

Still remember, in my official blog
I said something like
我要把生活涂得多姿多彩
That's all shit.
SHIT.
Sigh.. I can't even try to go into my life myself.

I want to die.
REALLY!
I WANT TO JUST ESCAPE.
But I need to abide by the lifelong promise that I can't commit suicide.
Sigh.. What should I do now?

My heart hurts..

It was a wild and stupid idea at the start
And yet I chose to believe that it will work
After 2 days of _a bit of work_
The MA forums are out
And it's pink in color (?? link ??)

However
Without 10 days
It died.

Yes. It died.

After I thought of a while
Firstly as I said the idea suck.
Secondly MSN is too strong
Everyone could just use MSN
And because of our frequent meetings
The forums are just virtually
Useless.

My heart hurts
I know that's my problem
But seeing a forum to go to waste
It causes pain in my heart, ya know..
Sigh.. 咎由自取
这也没办法
谁叫我就是一个每次都screw up的人
I wanted to change one, ya know..

Baox like connection cut off from the world.
I'm worrying :p
Don't even know whether she is alright..

And there's her again.
I feel blank at night..
Like I haven't done something
And yet sometimes I don't even dare to
Because of me being afraid that it's irritating..
Sigh. Useless.

Coughing. Ergh.

我受够了.. Sigh.
I want to escape this world
BUT I WON'T COMMIT SUICIDE.
That's the worst thing that I am going to do.
And that's stupid.
If you want to die, do something fun first.
Before you get caught or something.
But not something that makes people look down (emotionally) on you.
Crap. Why am I typing all these.

Should've cancelled the last paragraph. Sigh.

Missing you..

I miss her.
Really.
I miss the happy feeling when I talk to her.
I can't describe it.
Just laming with her really comforts me.
It seems to let me break free from my lonely self
Giving me the ability to really soar and fly
But either I signed in at the wrong time
Or we just don't have 缘分
Sigh.. It's impossible..

我快要疯了。
真的。
也不知是我太倔强
还是我真的很冤枉
昨天早上哥把新电脑拿出去
其实他根本就可以用旧电脑
他还不爽
要用新的
好啊
给你用
还没想到
结果你知道吗？
他近十点才回来
而当时又刚好不知道为什么不能用internet
他就说：“看，两台电脑是没有不同的”
屁
他懂什么？
他懂什么叫802.11b和802.11g吗？
根本就是crap
结果一整天
我根本什么都没做到
打算下个星期开始mug
然后就白白的失去了一天
我想了想
哥哥说过：“你可以搬电脑下去用或者去computer room”
可是为什么就是这样不公平？
他可以每次不用下去，我就要？
我是弟弟就要吃亏吗？
算了
弟弟就是要被欺负的嘛，对不对？

已经要疯了。

想想，先佑
有很多人的故事是比你艰苦的
所以你不能这样放弃
要坚持到底，然后帮助他们
对不对？
这就是你的人生哲理

被他说中了。

Even if I am not happy, I can’t do anything. The past is the past.. Well, I guess I will take a step back for everything. And just give my brother what he wants to do. Ultimately, even if I suffer, I don’t want to see others suffer. That brings me a sense of happiness, I guess.

Sometimes I wonder whether my aim in life is good. I feel that it irritates people when I talk to them everytime.. Sigh. But no matter what. I will still wish that they are happy.. There’s no direction in my life. And that’s the only thing that I found out that I can do. Although I can’t help much.. Sigh.

Why am I such a useless person in this world?
I can’t study well..
Even if my Maths is good
It is only Maths that is related to the curriculum
I still remember, during the AMC
I totally freaked out.
I was in fear
I always thought that my Maths had been so good
And only at that tiem did I realize that my Maths.. sucks.
And I can’t speak well
I can’t even do things properly
And I always screw up things.

Sigh. “我会好好的”- baox

Sigh. Don't know what is happening to me. Just cannot 提起精神.

Actually I still don't quite get what I am feeling now.. Sigh.. Even I can't understand myself.. Aren't I a failure? Sometimes I wonder the purpose of my existence xD And can suddenly go into "my own world" and dao everyone else one.

Sometimes thinking of her bah.. And having failed the "first attempt" (no I shouldn't call it that), I don't think I will have any chance bah. But 未来是不可预测的, right? I'll see.. But for now, I'll just continue mugging and I'll wish her happy and get good results.

I'm glad that I am thinking the right way.

Yeah. Guess that's what I am feeling now.

I don't even know why I typed this. I told myself that I have to type this under this condition (where I am stoning) to really express out my feelings. I can't go internet.. My brother using again.

I seem to feel that I can only feel better if I talk to Lee Koon.. Really.. Thank you.. You are really one friend who I will cherish.. And that is why.. Andre said that Lee Koon is "evil" because there isn't a clear line of cutting between her beauty and her character's beauty.. Agreed.. Yeah..

Really don't know what to do now. Going crazy liao. Totally NO LIFE!! What the hell. AHHH. Please. - Artix's true expression when in downness

And I think I realised that I am actually.. somewhat.. depending on people.. Seriously.. I need to find something to do in boarding school.. Otherwise I will find myself stoning in front of the computer waiting for 'her' to reply.. Sigh.. And I don't know what to do.. Tell me.. Tell me..

Not gonna count this time.

不知道为什么
可能是我自作多情
可是我发现
I think I still like her.
The old one.
Really.

Yes. I think so.

40..

Nah. I just love blogger too much. Let's try again.