Editor and Publisher: Matt Bors
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| via Amazon |
I was never the parent who didn't want his kid to grow up. I've loved watching the individual emerge at each new stage. When the ultrasound nurse asked all those years ago if we wanted to know the sex of the fetus, I instantly realized it was the least of what I wanted to know. Are they right- or left-handed? (right) What instrument will they choose to play? (so many over the years - these days, clarinet and bass clarinet) What's their favorite color? (historically, very challenging to get a consistent answer on this one) In the years since, as each question was answered, I was already eager for the next. From their conception onward, one of the foremost drives in my life has been to know my child as fully as possible.
One night when the Purple Penguin was about ten years old, we went out for dinner just the two of us. Once we settled in, they opened conversation with "Not to get too personal with you, but have you ever been gay?" I don't know what I was expecting from our little outing but it certainly wasn't that!
From that night onward, sexuality and gender have been reasonably open topics in our family. A few years later, they reached one of those critical realization moments for themselves. My wife and I were quickly out of our depths in answering questions. Off to the independent bookstore we went, returning with several of what we hoped would be helpful volumes. Be Gay, Do Comics turned out to be the best of the bunch. A few years later on again, the PP has asked us both to read it, too.
Independent comics have been a relatively queer-friendly space for a long time. Alison Bechdel's Dykes to Watch Out For and the Hernandez brothers' Love and Rockets are probably the two most famous examples but there have been many others, and across cultures, too. As associate editor Matt Lubchansky points out in the introduction,
Comics are accessible in a way that other forms of media can only dream of being. They're not only accessible for the reader, who is presented with a lot of information in an easily digestible way, but for the creator: One person can control the entire narrative in a medium they can publish easily online or cheaply in print. Thus, comics presents amazing opportunities to be heard, and to hear each other, and to make the exact stories that we want and need to tell.
Be Gay, Do Comics is a collection of works by various creators. There are several self-discovery stories which I imagine were the most important ones for the PP. But there's more: histories of activism and resistance, bios of closeted and not so closeted (though historically hidden) homosexuals, examinations of the queer experience in other countries, etc. We all sit somewhere on both the gender and sexuality spectra and probably most not so far on one side or the other as many would like to pretend. The strips collected here explore both. Even biological sex is a more complicated matter than we've been led to believe. Be Gay, Do Comics addresses that, too.
Donald Trump takes the Oath of Office next month. His party will hold majorities in both houses of Congress and on the Supreme Court. Dark times are looming. If you're not worried for the queer folks in your family and your community, you should be, no matter how blue you think your state is. Our child has spent their entire life living in two of the most queer-friendly communities in the United States and even so, there have always been reasons to worry, regardless of which way the national political winds blow. As they explore life options for the future, it makes me deeply sad that there are broad stretches of the country which feel unsafe to visit, never mind live in.
As a parent, I worry. The world is cruel and frequently dangerous. I don't ever like to think of my child as being vulnerable so that part is hard - probably always will be.
Beyond that, I don't feel that my basic obligations as a parent have changed. They're still the same sweet, imaginative, earnest and empathetic person they've always been. Only the labels change and even the labels can seem constraining in describing the entirety of the human in my life. Obviously, we accepted a long time ago. In fact, I'd say we were aware of some things before they were. But even "acceptance" doesn't feel like enough. It implies resignation, a passive acknowledgement.
Just as I recognized at the ultrasound all those years ago, one of my most important jobs as a parent is to know my child as fully as possible. I have to listen without judging. Not everything requires my reaction, one way or the other, because it's not about me. I must honor both the questions and the answers. The world may not always be safe. But I need to make damn sure my child always feels safe with me. And for that, I must do the work to truly know them.
I do have one gripe with the book. Some of the print is very small. Moreover, the color contrast also occasionally makes it difficult to read the text. True, my eyes are not what they used to be but I can't imagine I'm the only one who might struggle. I was grateful to own a magnifying glass.
Otherwise, I recommend the book to all without reservation. One of the most important ways we can all push back on the dark cultural forces is to normalize these conversations. It shouldn't be uncomfortable for two cis straight people to have a relaxed, comfortable, non-threatening discussion about sexuality and gender no matter how the issues directly impact their lives. Even if you live in the reddest corner of the reddest state, these questions touch the people in your lives in ways you might never imagine. Be the safe haven. Listen and believe without judging. Work to know, not just accept and tolerate. Be Gay, Do Comics can help.
