//ain't a good fern

i can't deny at times i was truly disappointed...
coz it seems like i was the only one at fault...
and every single good deed done by you for me...
seems to be brought up every time and brings me to a guilt trip...

yes maybe i wasn't a good friend...
yes maybe coz i'm busy with work...
yes maybe coz i have a special someone right now...
yes maybe coz i have too many things on hand...

but to be fair...
yes you too were busy with work...
yes you too seems in your own world with your special someone...
yes you too seems so busy when i asked you out...
and there seldom times when you initiate one, it always been me...
and you were the only one who often say you were busy, not me...
never once i decline when you asked me out...
and i've always asked myself, why haven't you asked...
coz i could always make time for you...

sometimes i dun understand...
why people have to make things so difficult...

//busy hell lot

literally a crazy week for me...
been working my ass off some work...
and I've been called up for another reservist for 21 days...
yeah the last was approximately the same...

i wished they understand that we, business owners...
can't afford such long reservist coz money is time...
and yeah unless they could compensate us for that lost...
i dun really mind...

and my clients, knowing my absence...
are a little worried though i kept assuring them...
that it will be fine w/o me...
but oh well, i guess it can't be helped...
especially when they are comfortable having me managed...
all the accounts...

im hoping business will be good next year...
as this year was a great blast for me...
and I'm really really hoping for a good break...
so that I could live of opening my cafe dreams...
*cross fingers*

//self accomplishment

There are times we are doubted of our capabilities, and at times people just say its impossible for us to achieve our dreams, but only we know, we believe, we prove them wrong. And to me, the success is not about proving people wrong, but its about accomplishing what you think other people think you're incapable of and that's the beauty of it - self accomplishment.

//tough love

It had been a emotional roller coaster ride for me...
these past weeks...
work, personal and family all clumped into one...

At times, I feel I could break...
or tore into pieces....
coz I'm really not sure how long I could take all the pain...
upsets and disappointments...
All my life, I had been through many heart breaks...
And God knows how much I've cried over it
But yet I managed to pull through somehow or rather...
And maybe it did made me a stronger person, I dunnoe, really...

Yes, indeed I've pulled through once again...
And I as much as I hope that this pain would not revisit...
And as much as I hope the same problems I addressed would not reoccur...
I know one day the pain will ram to me without warnings...
And hopefully I'm prepared as I usually am...

I've so used to using work as a form of moving on...
Or to just forget pain...
Or proving people wrong that I couldn't be successful in own my career...
Or just a form for me to bottle up my feelings (which I still do)...
Or just to prevent upsetting people I really care....

But sometimes I really do hope...
People care more about my feelings...
Whenever they speak, coz I do...
I don't speak to offend people...
But somehow I'm always at the receiving end...
Be it from close friends, my loved ones...
I try not to be upset, or take it personally...
But at times, I felt like I'm not appreciated at all...
That what I have done, was all my wrongdoings to begin with...
(maybe it is, I dunnoe)...

So let work be something that I know...
Despite putting all my heart to it, it doesn't disappoint me...
Or rarely does...

//another juncture

im probably torn
i don't know what has it become anymore
its all tears and pain
and it had to come to such again

all i wanted is a simple one
but yet im caught in a messy tangle
maybe its all my fault
maybe im all cursed
maybe im meant to be alone
maybe thats what I've meant to be
maybe thats what I've lived to be

//frustrated all again

I was overly frustrated...

For the fact that a simple plan...

To chill with a friend...

Turned to be something that blew my top off...

I didn't expect that a plan...

Or would be a plan...

Was needed of me to tell my other...

When i was only 5 mins into planning it...

And wasn't confirmed...

So I decided to head home...

Cancelled all my plans for the night...

Out of frustration...

And then a call came in...

Was told that R was super sick...

Made a quick turn back...

Sent to a nearby clinic...

And got R to rest...

Only to end up in more frustration...

I had a splitting headache all day long...

With a aching back..

And all i get is to be doubted all this while...