:(

i couldn't help but to shed tears..
when dad said i couldn't be bother about my sick aunt...
infront of my uncle and his wife...
during my visit to the hospital...

i know i might not be the most filial son...
neither am I close to any of my relatives...
except my mum's side...
but then again to be embarrassed like that...
makes me sad especially coming from my dad...

and the reason why im not close...
to any of my family or relatives from my dad...
is because of instances like this...
they like to judge and just say bad things...

so the following day...
i made a visit again to the hospital alone...
and I was shocked coz my aunt was expecting me...
i talked to her for an hour plus...
at times seeing tears forming in her eyes...
I know she is suffering...
partly due to her fault...
for not listening to my dad and uncles...
and for spoiling her children...

she has always been the nicest aunt...
she had taken care of me since young...
and to see her son and daughters care less of her...
makes me tear..
she said "dun worry about me too much ok Azman"
"I'm still strong, and as long as I am strong.."
"I can take care of myself..."

I wished I could take care of her...
like how she took care of me when i was little...
a comfort I could seek...
which I have never had from my parents...

I told her "If anything, can u call me, I'll fetch and take care of you"
She told me "Yeah if anything, I will call you when I need you"

I was drenching in tears as I was driving home...
I pray to God that she will not suffer any longer...
coz its heart wrenching to see her like that...

What's The Goal of Sex?

waahahhaha hilarious



so yeah so is sex about just getting it off...
or is it about bonding with the one you love?

*my angel

so I finally found the song...
"Hello Hello...
Lalalallaa..."
actually is Nini who found it...
I'm hopeless like that...

its my favourite song and it's meant for that special someone lo...

*career switch

ytd a close fren ping me on msn...
he was my ex-colleague in an agency i used to work at...
and he resign a year later to join a banking firm...
and a few months later, resigned...

at that point he wasn't really sure what he wants...
in his career path...
and was unhappy with the state he is in...

so what he told me caught me off guard...
coz he chose a career which i wasn't anticipating...
and its not a "stable" career i felt...

he asked my opinion...
and I told him to go with what he believes and feel...
work hard towards it...
and I did caution him that its not a stable career...
he could either do it part time or freelance...
while having a full time job...
till he gain enough experience...
and then find a career out of it...

what he spoke next blew me away...
i didn't know that he had always used me...
as an example to drive his passion...
in doing something he like for a career...

I have never find myself worthy of such...
but I always believe in putting 110% into things I do...
and I'm sure everyone could, if given a chance...
don't you think so?

*jukebox

"sis u noe the song...
hello hello...
lalalaallala...
i dunnoe who sing that..."

"huh i nt ur jukebox u knw!!"

"wahahaha...
but u're good at it..."

hahahah can i be more irritating?

*alone again

no more alone :)

*deadly attacks

mum usually surprised me with her blunt attacks...
she went "so nini and you dating ah?"
and me "no lah just good friends ah"

"but she wears tudung"
"ma dun machiam machiam"

and i went on ignore mode...
made my way to the living room...

awhile later...
"i was talking to cik timah"
"and her daughter is single"
"maybe you and her...."

"ma!!!"

"but u turning 29, so late liao"

"ma my friend got married at 31"

"but im just asking you to get to know her"
"know first la then can get married by then"

and so i slowly made my way to my room....

aiyo...
the sis getting married soon...
the mum went paranoia....
super dun like the moment!!!

*angel with a shotgun

our dreams are build upon expectations...
and sometimes we didn't realised that maybe these expectations...
are a little too far fetched...

i mean its not wrong to have hopes and dreams...
but sometimes we need to step back and see it from a different perspective...
are these dreams achievable?
realistic or maybe needs more time to achieve it?

well here's a few...
you are hoping that a super good looking guy...
(and we're talking about a model here)
would fall for an average joe...
and you showered him with gifts and such...
hoping that he will in turn be your boyfriend...
and you didn't realised that you're just a friend for benefits in his eyes....

sometimes i feel we should mirror our self...
and see if we are on par with such people in the looks department...
im not trying to stereotype here...
but most good looking people would want to date...
someone as good looking or better than them...
its just plain human instinct...
what makes you think they would want an average joe...
unless you offer something priceless...
but then again, looks does matter right....

we all have dreams in our careers...
and as much as possible would like to steer our way...
towards that dream job...
but what happens if we can't seem to get that...
should we still pursue?
or just find a temp job while still looking for a dream job?
must the temp job be related to the dream job?

well here's an example...
you apply as an air steward...
but you were told you do not have height...
u do not have the personality and looks to land the job...
you approach a budget airline...
and was told the same...
would you continue to hunt for the same job?
or what?

i know this is tricky...
but somehow I feel...
there are things that are just not meant for us..
and the more we pursue them...
we get more disappointed when they fail on us...
don't you think so?

well im sure many beg to differ...
some will say we should try till we succeed...
but my take, we should take opportunities...
at its very best when it comes...
not seek one...

anyways, here's one of my fav song!!

*im glad u came

OMG... nosebleed...

*errr moments

and so i didn't know the song i post...
was actually a breakup song -.-"

and hence dear replied
"i love you no matter what.
Even in ur blur moments! hehe!"

I have never felt so embarrassed before!!!

*post v-day

somehow this year...
i kept my v'day gift as simple as possible...
nothing much like how I prepared the years before...

I guess it stings...
knowing rejections were around the corner...
and didn't seem to learn from that till it was too late...
and having things said like "happy commercial day"...
just made it worst...

so this year was just home-made chocs...
and a trip to zoo...
and time spent together...

I guess I don't really know how to express myself...
and I hope this sums it up...


Love u dear!!!

:(

i stepped on many toes lately...
and i felt really bad about it...
guess sometimes i can go overboard :(

*hmmm

sometimes i can be quite ignorant of things...
and I never knew or tell signs of interest...
unless its very obvious...

i have never tot i'm good enuff for anyone...
no looks, a boring person...
(a routine kinda person... yeah very boring I know)...
and at times a himbo...

so yeah when you tell of such things...
it caught me off guard...
and I never knew of such views...
so I guess everyone has their own form of attraction...
either physical attraction or behavioral one...

so my question is...
would you dare to say "I'm sexy and I know it?!"
LOL, i would NEVER even dare to do that hahahahaha...

*smile

Can u smile when you see all the effort u put in...
Finally paid off?

Can u smile when someone truly appreciate u...
For who u are?

Can u smile when you are down...
And your friends are there to lend a shoulder...
For you to cry on?

Oh can you smile...
When you look back at the times...
When you do something foolish...
Due to ignorance or just pure silliness...

Could you smile...
When u exchange a smile...
To a stranger?

Could you smile...
To see someone close to you...
Happy in the very moment he/she is in?

I guess, we often take for granted...
That this small gesture...
Bring much warmth in our lives...

Please smile, to your loved ones, to your neighbours...
or anyone who passes u...
and yeah not the cheeky kind yeah?
else get a big tight slap hahahaha

*be mine

i didn't know vday was coming...
till someone mentioned "the plan" for the day...
i can't recall the last time i did celebrate one...
probably about 4 years back...

frankly, I didn't have things planned...
so now knowing it, I kinda need to do something for that day...
well something simple I guess...
heh not telling coz someone might read this...

i know there are people out there who ain't celebrating the day...
but I hope you take this opportunity to express your gratitude...
towards close friends who went through your thick and thin yeah?

and for those who are seeking love...
my advise, dun search too hard...
coz love might find its way when u least make the effort...
(well it happens to me most times at least hahaha)

*sigh

sigh i shouldn't have put my foot into this wedding planning thing...
anything that concerns family matters...
as it seems, whenever i get involves...
it will just turn ugly...
and worst, if i dun get involve...
im being labelled the useless/dun-care-about-family son....

SIGH...

*curry?

so there i was at a bubble tea shop to get my bubble tea fix...

Me: One chocolate milk tea...
China Guy: Want pearl...

Me: yes but a little only...

China Guy: Curry?
Me: Huh?
China Guy: Curry?
Me: Huh?

China Guy: Plastic?
Me: Oh yes please...

Hahahhaha and he meent carrier la -.-""

*you're too good to lose

how imp, this was what we we were conversing over phone ytd :)

down with flu

this flu is making me cranky!!!

*someday

I couldn't help but to tear up yesterday...
as we viber over the phone...

I'm truly blessed by what I have now...
and sometimes I wonder do I really deserve this?

I had never experience happiness since young...
most are just temporary...
and end up heart wrenching...
be it family matters or dates...

At times, I wonder if this was just God's teasing me again...
just to tell me that I will end up hurting more...
but you told me that you are sure of us...
and I hope its enough to fulfill what I have been searching for...

is this a closing line for a final chapter where it goes "happily ever after"?
I hope so