// never ending game

Lately it becomes too often...
Feeling sick and depressed now...

//it came too often

Somedays you feel shitty...
But for me, it had for days...
I seek comfort, but I know I cant...

// i was never good to begin with

Had dinner with Sarah...
And it came to this...
"I've seldom see him smile these days"..
"I dunnoe if its work or family that has gotten into him"...

I had to agree...
And I went like "I think im nt gd enuff"
"I couldn't give the comfort and happiness he seeks"...
"I felt i had been a curse to him"
"Being with me, unhappy; without me also unhappy"
"Im emotionless and probably thats why its been tough on him"

I couldn't help but to tear up...
Maybe i wasn't meant to be happy to begin with...
What more to give happiness...

// screwed

Today was not any better...
I've screwed work and am feeling shitty about it...
On top of that, my dear had been moody...
I dunnoe what will happen...
And the implications im gonna get from work...
Due to a mistake i made...

Im praying hard that the worst will not happen :(

//its never had been

Overheard dad said to my mum...
"Oh forgot to SMS Liza Happy-Birthday"...
Saw him took out his phone to send an sms...
Got to admit, I was very sad...
Never once he wish me Happy Birthday...
and I can't recall if he ever did since I'm little...
maybe he hasn't at all...
well I know I had never once been a good son to any of them...

//fear

 What do you fear most?

I'm really afraid of losing my loved ones...
My friends and those who have shown me...
how much they took concern about my life...
and losing even one would saddens me...

i pray hard everyday that they stay close to me...
and I cherish every moment I have with them...

*bleh

finally, I have finished my reservist!!!
gruesome 21 days...
with me having to burn midnight oils...
for my agency's work on top of serving the nation...
its literally draining...
worst than my usual working days...
and boy am I glad I'm over with this...

so now back to the routines...
gym work and play...
can't wait!!!
LOL i can't believe this...
i miss work :) bleh!

//biggest enemy

yesterday as i was having late supper with a dear friend...
and was just having an exchange of what's going on in our lives...
it came to a topic of how I could be emotionless...
when my other half shows affection towards me...
and expects a reaction of some sort from me...
only to realise none...

it was brought up before...
and i do feel guilty about it...
not that I don't feel anything...
when the affection is thrown to me...
its just that I don't know how to react back....

i told her that the probable reason...
is that all my life I have been used to bottling up feelings...
since I had a bad childhood...
and was abused physically as a child...
and I couldn't express my feelings except to cry silently...
and sometimes when I do get hurt...
I seldom cry on the spot...
I kept it, and only when I'm alone that I let it all out....

and having someone embracing me...
or a kiss, or close proximity...
triggers my guard up...
and i literally froze...
not knowing how to react...

im still learning to accept these gestures...
but at times, i just dunnoe how...
and I really don't wanna upset my other half...
coz I do really care...
and it means the world to me to make that someone happy...
I did told my dear friend...
that I am less deserving...
that my other half deserves someone who can give...
in return of the much heavy life that someone is facing right now...
and I felt like Im not good enough...
its hard knowing what you are unable to give...
might be your biggest enemy...

//ain't a good fern

i can't deny at times i was truly disappointed...
coz it seems like i was the only one at fault...
and every single good deed done by you for me...
seems to be brought up every time and brings me to a guilt trip...

yes maybe i wasn't a good friend...
yes maybe coz i'm busy with work...
yes maybe coz i have a special someone right now...
yes maybe coz i have too many things on hand...

but to be fair...
yes you too were busy with work...
yes you too seems in your own world with your special someone...
yes you too seems so busy when i asked you out...
and there seldom times when you initiate one, it always been me...
and you were the only one who often say you were busy, not me...
never once i decline when you asked me out...
and i've always asked myself, why haven't you asked...
coz i could always make time for you...

sometimes i dun understand...
why people have to make things so difficult...

//busy hell lot

literally a crazy week for me...
been working my ass off some work...
and I've been called up for another reservist for 21 days...
yeah the last was approximately the same...

i wished they understand that we, business owners...
can't afford such long reservist coz money is time...
and yeah unless they could compensate us for that lost...
i dun really mind...

and my clients, knowing my absence...
are a little worried though i kept assuring them...
that it will be fine w/o me...
but oh well, i guess it can't be helped...
especially when they are comfortable having me managed...
all the accounts...

im hoping business will be good next year...
as this year was a great blast for me...
and I'm really really hoping for a good break...
so that I could live of opening my cafe dreams...
*cross fingers*

//self accomplishment

There are times we are doubted of our capabilities, and at times people just say its impossible for us to achieve our dreams, but only we know, we believe, we prove them wrong. And to me, the success is not about proving people wrong, but its about accomplishing what you think other people think you're incapable of and that's the beauty of it - self accomplishment.

//tough love

It had been a emotional roller coaster ride for me...
these past weeks...
work, personal and family all clumped into one...

At times, I feel I could break...
or tore into pieces....
coz I'm really not sure how long I could take all the pain...
upsets and disappointments...
All my life, I had been through many heart breaks...
And God knows how much I've cried over it
But yet I managed to pull through somehow or rather...
And maybe it did made me a stronger person, I dunnoe, really...

Yes, indeed I've pulled through once again...
And I as much as I hope that this pain would not revisit...
And as much as I hope the same problems I addressed would not reoccur...
I know one day the pain will ram to me without warnings...
And hopefully I'm prepared as I usually am...

I've so used to using work as a form of moving on...
Or to just forget pain...
Or proving people wrong that I couldn't be successful in own my career...
Or just a form for me to bottle up my feelings (which I still do)...
Or just to prevent upsetting people I really care....

But sometimes I really do hope...
People care more about my feelings...
Whenever they speak, coz I do...
I don't speak to offend people...
But somehow I'm always at the receiving end...
Be it from close friends, my loved ones...
I try not to be upset, or take it personally...
But at times, I felt like I'm not appreciated at all...
That what I have done, was all my wrongdoings to begin with...
(maybe it is, I dunnoe)...

So let work be something that I know...
Despite putting all my heart to it, it doesn't disappoint me...
Or rarely does...

//another juncture

im probably torn
i don't know what has it become anymore
its all tears and pain
and it had to come to such again

all i wanted is a simple one
but yet im caught in a messy tangle
maybe its all my fault
maybe im all cursed
maybe im meant to be alone
maybe thats what I've meant to be
maybe thats what I've lived to be

//frustrated all again

I was overly frustrated...

For the fact that a simple plan...

To chill with a friend...

Turned to be something that blew my top off...

I didn't expect that a plan...

Or would be a plan...

Was needed of me to tell my other...

When i was only 5 mins into planning it...

And wasn't confirmed...

So I decided to head home...

Cancelled all my plans for the night...

Out of frustration...

And then a call came in...

Was told that R was super sick...

Made a quick turn back...

Sent to a nearby clinic...

And got R to rest...

Only to end up in more frustration...

I had a splitting headache all day long...

With a aching back..

And all i get is to be doubted all this while...

//

// teared up

I probably had worked myself out...
and feeling all sore and what not...
and the thought that maybe I'm not cut for this...
or that I ain't good enough to impress in my line of duty...
just made me a little upset...

and then I got a call from Reaus...
and he told me that a client of ours called...
i was really expecting a complain of any sort...
he told me that a customer walked in to the client's cafe...
and said that they really liked her cafe and her website...
but what blew me away...
was that the customer mentioned my agency...
and they acknowledged that we had designed it...
and they said we had really done a great job...

my client didn't even have to put good words in it...
and yeah she called Reaus to express her gratitude...
and I went into tears....

It had been a very challenging all these years...
to run an agency out of love...
to design, to manage the guys, to meet clients...
and all the other administrative/miscellaneous work...
and to get that kind of words from a client...
means a whole world to me...
and I really really hope, I could go far in this business...
I really do

//penang

I am so in need of a proper holiday...

can't wait for my Penang trip end of this year...

anyone can recommend what to do and food places?

// a big heavy sigh

a lot of things have been on my mind lately...
which in turn become worries...
i just hope i could pull through all of these...
i just hope i could...

//marketing

//oh how sweet

has your past love...
somehow made you not believe in one anymore...
even if the right person happened to walk into your life...
and you constantly doubt it...
and keeps reminding yourself...
how you failed in your previous...
and how good it could be if you didn't choose to break off...

for the fact that you said yes now...
and somehow slowly hurting the one you are with now...
and you're hoping that the love you have now...
would understand what you are going through...
without a clue...
or with the fact that you seemed not to care...
or that you are "busy" with your daily life...
or the fact that the person is not your "type" to begin with...
or was it just an excuse for you to choose this love...
as part of your transition to find a better one...

can it be any more complicated?
the love chose you for who you are...
and you thought "oh how sweet"...
and you said "yes"...
only not knowing the mess you are getting yourself into...
had I not tell you, again and again...
or had you not listen enough...
oh well....

// work versus everything

work hasn't been kind to me lately...
i often end up in frustration and most of the time...
i end work late due to endless attention on my side...

and friday came...
and that is the only night I could spend quality time with R...
and that is also the time when work came piling...

as much as R says its ok...
i felt really really bad...
like as if I couldn't make time for R...
as if work comes first than anything else...
and my upsets causes R to be upset...

sometimes I wished I lead a normal life...
have a normal relationship...
and follow the norm...
but I guess I'm not...

well things have been sorted out...
I hope work will be kinder from next week onwards...

// imperfections

There are times, you feel inferior of yourself

That you ain't good enough

That you ain't good looking

That you wish you were like someone who seems perfect

Or even feel like your other half deserves a better person

I would feel less of a person these days

Especially when I know my imperfections

Could be my own enemy

And as much as comfort was given

Sometimes I hope things could change

As if God was testing me endlessly

On the other note, Mum's bdae is this weekend

and I offered to bring the family out to dinner

Then I heard dad said "you all go w/o me"

He always had to be the one that would need to spoil everything

as if I'm the rotten one in the family

I just pray that I could pull this through...

// A Day in JB

Heh going to JB to spend my Saturday there!

It was almost 12 by the time we cross the border, so we decided brunch!

Hahaha Reaus still stoning I guess

Love the old kopitiam feel

Ermmmm MOOOO!

This simple toast and I must say the Teh is perfect - not so sweet!

Fried Udon Mee

Their signature Mee Hua Mui

We say hello at Senibong Seafood

We wanted large ice Neslo and see how big this is!

My all time favorite chill crab... A must try ok?!

BBq stingray :)

Not complete without omellete and sambal kangkong

// I am here

// jealousy

There will be times when you do encounter
the other half getting jealous
over the fact that there are other people
who you regard as friends
but seen as hitting you to the eyes of your partner

You knew the line and you knew you wouldn't crossed it
and the partner trusted you too
but sometimes I guess it can't be help
when the person who is hitting on you
crossed that boundary knowing the fact
that you are attached

sometimes the question lies
when you were single
its hard to find someone
and when u're not
you got all these unnecessary attention

but then again
I supposed if you know that you would want
your relationship to last
its best to avoid all these unwanted problems

oh well
everyone have their jealousy moments
mine included when i saw the word "sayang"
in a conversation between them
but i knew it meant no harm

// did I?

Yesterday, after talking to my dear...
I've finally realised and understood...
why I had built such a huge wall for myself...

Maybe because there were so much failures and pain...
in my past that all I needed to do, was to protect it...
And maybe coz I've never experienced love...
or being given or shown one...
either in a relationship or from family...
That I didn't know how to receive...
what more show and express it...

I had this conversation before...
with a close friend about showing affection to my love one...
that i often find it awkward to be receiving it...
and how I "froze" when someone hugged me...
and initially the holding hands and kissing...
what more initiating one...

and the question was "did i try?"...
and i replied "yes i did, but sometimes i feel its beyond me"...
to which my friend couldn't understand...
god knows how many times...
that I earn for comfort  and love for my dear...
but I just didn't know how to express it...
and to me, that presence is enough...

i have never in my entire life...
been hugged, nor kiss, not even on the cheeks...
and I often felt very awkward...
when someone stands or sit very close to me...
and I often blame myself...
maybe that's the reason why I felt i wasn't giving enough...
and at times felt I'm not good enough...

I've promised that I keep trying...
to better express my feelings and show more affection...
but sometimes I'm afraid I might not be able to do so in time...

Maybe I'm just hard to understand...
and I hope it won't be a reason for my wrong doing again...

//chaser

wanna wanna dance dance dance like that hahaha

//last year

i remembered this fasting month...
was the time you tried to win my heart :)

//another chance

i was on the brink of giving up...
for the fact that I wouldn't wanna get hurt again...
and I cried almost every single day...

and I really appreciate Sarah and Wendy...
for being there for me...
I was totally lost and clueless...
and I guess whatever they have said...
made me realised that I should give this another try...
and maybe this time would be different...

I just want you both know...
that I really love you guys dearly...
and it really shocked me...
on how well you know me in and out...
and I really appreciate the advise you gave to R...
I have never been any happier...
and I really hope this would continue...

//too much hurt

there's too much hurt... 
that i don't know if its worth carrying on... 
i don't know if this heart could take any more blows... 
and i'm pretty sure its gonna happen again and again... 


 maybe that's my curse... 
i could never be happy...

//Jang Woo Young (장우영)

i'll be back

heh "live" army style

*yet another

its seems like its becoming frequent...
and yes its tiring...
I don't know what it has become...
and the issue evolves over the same matter...


I shed too many tears over this...
and its frustrating...
the fact that things have to be complicated...
I just wish things could be like what it used to be....
simple and not over thought....
I'm praying hard that things will get better...

11th avenue

couldn't be more happy...
while i sat there...
with my hands clasped tightly...
as we count down...
and see flashes of torchlight...
lighted up and sang in harmony...

//love isn't all flowery

Since my last post,
things had worked out,
and I hope this time round,
its clearer...


i do understand that people do have expectations...
but at the same time, 
I knew I could not offer more,
I've been so caught up with lots of things...
(yeah some might find it an excuse)...
but if you are filling in my shoes...
you probably would understand...


i used to put life as a priority,
but now i couldn't...
as work is equal to that...
without work, I couldn't earn a living...
not like people who work for others...


now, i even have lesser time for myself...
coz my time is split to work and love...
even my family been complaining...
and I tried squeezing friend time in between...
its never been easy, at times overwhelming....
and that's when i need my someone...
to understand where I'm coming from...


to me, if i ain't making someone happy,
or the person is silently in pain,
i rather not let the person be with me...
coz love is not meant to be felt that way...


i'm really praying hard at the end of the day...
i won't get hurt again

// my curse

its been the third time...
that i cried to sleep...
and this time i woke with tears too...


it seems like im hurting you...
and I knew I ain't good enough for you...
I don't know what more I could give...
coz I have already given my all...


maybe that's my curse....

*milestones

been pretty much caught up with work...

since the last business trip...

preparing to shift to the new office...

at the same time handling the accounts...

that I'm still engaged in...

these few days had been emotional to me...

i was sad that I'm leaving my old office premises...

maybe because it reminds me so much...

how I started the agency sitting there alone in office...

days and nights trying to prove to myself...

that I could accomplish the dreams I had...

now, its overwhelming knowing how far I had accomplished...

and shifting to the new office marks a milestone...

in a career im passionate about...

so yesterday my guys helped in the shifting process...

even painted the office....

and I do feel bad, coz it seems like they are really working hard...

I hope somehow I had treated them well...

I treated the guys to seafood in JB...

and on the way back I was overwhelmed...

when they told me how glad and happy they were...

to be part of the agency....

im really blessed that things are much better now for me...

career wise as well as my own personal life...

and I couldn't be more thankful to those who had given me...

so much love and support all these years...

I really do hope things would be even better in these coming years...

*updates again

i knew i haven't been updating much...
pretty much busy with work...
guess its good coz business is picking up...
and I'll be on a business trip to Bali next week...
really excited about this trip...
coz I got to stay in a 7 star villa!!!


on the personal note...
its been the same i guess...
but I guess I have to take things as it is...
and try not to absorb too much...
and hopefully one day, it turns out well again...

it never stops

expectations over expectations...

im prolly a mistake you wished you never had...

im sorry im not a perfect son to begin with...

im sorry im not the daughter you beg to have as the first...

im sorry im a disappointment...

//dumped

would you go if the person who invited you...
is a fren of ur love one...
and the person happens to have dumped you few years back...
coz you don't fit the bill...
and the best part, dumped you without any words...
hmmmm ur say?

//bleed

it sucks that it happens every year...
it sucks when what was uttered...
was exactly what i expected from you...
it sucks when u have to call for everything, your way...
not taking into consideration of people...
it sucks when u dun enjoy a celebration meant for u...
it even sucks when u fork ur own for something thats meant for you...

//true frens

good friends are one...
which goes through ur ups and downs...
a shoulder to cry on...
and a person u can rely on...


but not many knows...
a true good fren...
does not make up good words..
that you want to hear...
they usually are frank in giving opinions...
and at times harsh in words...
to make you realise your mistakes...


a good fren does not call you only for company...
but also there to lend a listening ears...
even at times when its not important...


a good fren motivates you...
at times tries to show you a path...
maybe unknown to you...
but never tells you what you should do...
(unless provoked)


sometimes its best to just keep quiet...
coz what u say might not be the one...
they wanna hear...

//that voice

i watched this and cried 2 times...
one with the bald girl...
and the other who lost her dad...
there is so much emotions been put on stage...
and I must say there is so much talent there...
I wish we have a chance to show ours...

//OMG...

OMG OMG OMG ... enuff said

//hit me one more time

*atas

 Heh, just love her!

//sherlocks

Hawt~~

//how will i know?

a FB fren from KL pinged me...


 "is like i keep on finding a bf..
 i cannot get it..
n nw i m like i duno wat m i looking for..
seem like all d guy i c around me does not qualify to be my bf..
i duno wat i want..
is either i m too fussy..
or i duno wat i wan anymore...
so a bit emo lo"


i could relate so much to that...
and i know its hard...
especially when u are certain of what u want...


i did tell that fren...
that someone needs to be assured...
whoever he/she is dating...
is the right one...
and its ok to be fussy...


it might take a little time...
to find the right person...
but when u find the right one...
it will be special... and it will last long...
the more u seek...
the more it will not come...
but the least u expect...
the right person will appear...


i'll pray u'll find someone special :)

*hear me

just to let you know :p
no matter what happens...

*alone again

its happening too often...
and why can't things be simple...
as it used to be?

had I changed?

too many things had been happening...
and all seems wanting my attention...
it had been stressful...
but i thought all would be fine...

maybe it was me all along...
maybe that's why it had never worked out before...
maybe it wasn't meant for me at all...

why has it have to happen this time...
every single year?

*the battle

it seems like human living in the house less priority...
compared to the red whiskered bulbul...
owned by non other the DAD...
yes, the bird has the right to shower...
the rest ( and i mean the mum, me and sis)...
can't enter the toilet...
coz the bird needs its PERSONAL time in the bathroom...

NO ONE can touch the cage...
or shift it...
so if it means the cage is infront of the fridge...
you just have to die of thirst....

so today, dad was preparing to give the birds...
the MUCH needed shower...
and so i made my way to the toilet...
and sis was giving me the snigger...
as I walked to the toilet pass the kitchen...
dad was giving me the stare...
and I so totally ignored him...
and went to the bathroom and locked the door...
i could hear him whining to himself...
but DAMN i need my shower too...
and the bird can wait!!!

one is so noisy...
imagine 3 of them...
like mini jurong bird park can?!

*Love Day

to cheer me up!

*reflection

it sets me thinking...
and reflect back why I have started all this...
the rough times...
and why I bit my tongue and held on till this day...

I always believe that awards aren't everything...
but then yesterday made me rethink...
am I not good enough to be noticed?
if I had won awards...
maybe people would take me more seriously?
maybe I wouldn't really need to hunt more?

so yeah, I'll work harder now...
maybe put more love in my work...
and hopefully I'll get noticed....

somebody that I used to know

at times it gets tiring...
i felt like i aint a good fren...
at times i felt like i aint a good son...
at times i felt i didn't do enuff...

P.Y.B

Pretty Young Boys x.x

if u ask me, how i'm doing

sometimes we realised it's hard to get over someone...
sometimes it hurts so much...
and you don't really understand..
why it can cause so much pain...

and yet its hard to let go...
I wished I could be a better friend...
to try to let you understand...
that whatever has happened...
is something that we should reflect on ourselves...
they say it takes two hand to clap...
to make things go wrong...
but then again there are many instances...
where its clearly the other party's fault...

two months affair

too many things just whizzed pass me these days...
i wished I could have stop awhile to take all of that in...
LOL i guess I'm too busy then...

finally finished my much non-needed RT...
cliched a few big accounts in ButterScotch...
got into teaching workshops in LASALLE College of the Arts...
R joined the agency as a suit...
planned my trip to Bandung...
my dear friend Zuli got hitched....
my aunt got hospitalised...
and then my uncle...
and my stepgrandma passed away...
(I appreciate all the gestures on my FB wall, thanks my friends)
my uncle in Malacca got hitched too...

yeah all this happen in two months...

well today marks my 8th...
and there were ups and downs...
but I'm truly happy that we still held each other's hand..
and brave this through...
thanks for bringing me joy :)

*Sherlocks

*its war

nice MV!

*Lead You Home

:)

alone

im not sure y this is hurting so much...
and i didn't wanna inflict this by talking or meeting anyone...
you especially...

i just need time alone...

:(

i ended my weekend with a cry...
maybe im not a good for u afterall...

*hearts

i cried while i was watching this...
thank you for coming into my life...

*nothing's over

this month has been difficult for us...
and I know its been more to u...
rather than me...
and if it takes for me...
to sacrifice more, I seriously would...
I just hope that it will be better for you...

*worry again

sigh...
sometimes i do worry..
that me being less expressive...
might just add worries to R...

i grew up bottling everything...
coz I had no avenue to share them...
and my childhood had been a rough one...
so yeah kinda grew up with it...

but it doesnt mean l think less of you...
and I really enjoy the every single SMSes...
and I have never in my mind thought...

it disturbs or irritates me...

but in fact I do look forward to it..
coz it make me feel special somehow..

so dun worry about me or us ok?

i really love you and u are important to me!

*parking coupon

ZA: This is very lame but do you have spare overnight parking coupons? That I can buy off you. Hahahaha
Me: yeah very lame!!! I season parking la LOL

ZA: Just asking how I know you overnight in JB. Oh there no need coupon. Haha
Me:-.-"

ZA: Okay WHERE TO BUY AH
Me: 7-11. U damn toot la

ZA: Hahahaha but must buy whole stack leh. Tsk
Me: Duh.... where got ppl sell one only -.-"

ZA: That's y annoying right?
Me: U beg on your knees la. Maybe auntie ity u, tear one piece for u.

ZA: Lameeeee hahahhaa
Me: U started first -.-"

Friends I have hahahhaa

*pain

im not sure but i do feel a toll on my body...
and I requested R to give me a massage...
i would say he is really good at it...
(and i still can't grasp the fact that he learnt it from watching tv)...

R mentioned that my muscles were tense all over...
and indeed I felt every inch of it...
I didn't know that the tense build all over my body...
no wonder i felt tired...
after the whole massage, i felt my muscles loosen...
and yes, much lighter...

On the other note...
I still feel sad about what happen over the week...
with the fact that my dad said so many bad things about me...
and I kept thinking to myself...
have I done enuff to prove to him?
or I am as useless as he said I am?

I felt I wasn't a son to him at all...
and I was prolly a mistake...
that I shouldn't be part of the family at all...
and all this while I've grown up believing that...

i was hoping i could forget them, unfortunately its going stronger :(

im glad aunt is ok...
she reminds me how happy i was taken care by her...
how comforting it was to talk to her...
and I coud spend hours just sitting and chatting with her...
something I couldn't get from my parents...

I will always pray that she'll be fine...
coz it hurts to see her in pain...

:(

i couldn't help but to shed tears..
when dad said i couldn't be bother about my sick aunt...
infront of my uncle and his wife...
during my visit to the hospital...

i know i might not be the most filial son...
neither am I close to any of my relatives...
except my mum's side...
but then again to be embarrassed like that...
makes me sad especially coming from my dad...

and the reason why im not close...
to any of my family or relatives from my dad...
is because of instances like this...
they like to judge and just say bad things...

so the following day...
i made a visit again to the hospital alone...
and I was shocked coz my aunt was expecting me...
i talked to her for an hour plus...
at times seeing tears forming in her eyes...
I know she is suffering...
partly due to her fault...
for not listening to my dad and uncles...
and for spoiling her children...

she has always been the nicest aunt...
she had taken care of me since young...
and to see her son and daughters care less of her...
makes me tear..
she said "dun worry about me too much ok Azman"
"I'm still strong, and as long as I am strong.."
"I can take care of myself..."

I wished I could take care of her...
like how she took care of me when i was little...
a comfort I could seek...
which I have never had from my parents...

I told her "If anything, can u call me, I'll fetch and take care of you"
She told me "Yeah if anything, I will call you when I need you"

I was drenching in tears as I was driving home...
I pray to God that she will not suffer any longer...
coz its heart wrenching to see her like that...

What's The Goal of Sex?

waahahhaha hilarious



so yeah so is sex about just getting it off...
or is it about bonding with the one you love?

*my angel

so I finally found the song...
"Hello Hello...
Lalalallaa..."
actually is Nini who found it...
I'm hopeless like that...

its my favourite song and it's meant for that special someone lo...

*career switch

ytd a close fren ping me on msn...
he was my ex-colleague in an agency i used to work at...
and he resign a year later to join a banking firm...
and a few months later, resigned...

at that point he wasn't really sure what he wants...
in his career path...
and was unhappy with the state he is in...

so what he told me caught me off guard...
coz he chose a career which i wasn't anticipating...
and its not a "stable" career i felt...

he asked my opinion...
and I told him to go with what he believes and feel...
work hard towards it...
and I did caution him that its not a stable career...
he could either do it part time or freelance...
while having a full time job...
till he gain enough experience...
and then find a career out of it...

what he spoke next blew me away...
i didn't know that he had always used me...
as an example to drive his passion...
in doing something he like for a career...

I have never find myself worthy of such...
but I always believe in putting 110% into things I do...
and I'm sure everyone could, if given a chance...
don't you think so?

*jukebox

"sis u noe the song...
hello hello...
lalalaallala...
i dunnoe who sing that..."

"huh i nt ur jukebox u knw!!"

"wahahaha...
but u're good at it..."

hahahah can i be more irritating?

*alone again

no more alone :)

*deadly attacks

mum usually surprised me with her blunt attacks...
she went "so nini and you dating ah?"
and me "no lah just good friends ah"

"but she wears tudung"
"ma dun machiam machiam"

and i went on ignore mode...
made my way to the living room...

awhile later...
"i was talking to cik timah"
"and her daughter is single"
"maybe you and her...."

"ma!!!"

"but u turning 29, so late liao"

"ma my friend got married at 31"

"but im just asking you to get to know her"
"know first la then can get married by then"

and so i slowly made my way to my room....

aiyo...
the sis getting married soon...
the mum went paranoia....
super dun like the moment!!!