5th Avenue

There were times I pinched myself...
Just to make sure that I ain't dreaming...

Many times I wonder...
Am I a deserving person to R...

Occasionally, I will have doubts...
Is this happiness temporary...
Like the many I had been through...

And yet I couldn't deny Im much a happier person...
Than I am back then...
And I do cherish every moment of it...
And I really hope this will last, at least a little longer than usual....

They say it takes a lot of heart breaks to find that special someone...
I really hope that this is the one...
Happy 5th Month and Happy Birthday my dear :)

*fairytale

OMG i fell in love with this song immediately...
I knew she would do well after X-Factor....

hehe my life is a FAIRYTALE too...
listen to the lyrics yeah...

*surprise visits

it takes small gestures to know someone really loves you...

R: dear where are u?
Me : In office lo

R: Are u busy? Could you accompany go makan?
Me: Ok... Where are you?

R: On the way to your office
Me: Wah how you know I will say yes...

R: My dear dear mah
Me: *swoons*

*breakups

i guess forgetting someone you used to love is hard...
especially when you put all your heart to it...
and then u question yourself...

are all these effort worth it?
am I such a fool not to head my friends' advises?
why am I hurting so much now when the other party doesn't?
and why am I still bothered about the other party when we are no longer stringed?

its a taboo question...
where there isn't a clear definite answer to it...
but what I know, its a path that everyone has to go through...
a matter of how long it takes: days, months or years...

i used to be a victim of these...
to check the person's FB status, photos or any updates...
to constantly check whatsapp status - online or offline...
hoping the other party text you or give you a call...
or even check the person's blog for any sign of remorse...
and yeah the norm, to cry whenever the mind idles...

my advise...
to cut all ties - at least for now...
to just give time for each to think it through...
and a time off from each other....

second....
to delete the person off FB...
msn and block from whatsapp...
and not to add the person back till you are sure...
you are over it....

third...
seek comfort from friends...
and occupy your free time with them...
coz they are the one who gives the most sound advise...
and be your safety net in case you do foolish things...

I always feel there is always a better person meant for you...
It's just a matter of time...
Till you will find the right person meant for you....
I know it's easier said than done...
but I guess these are the steeping stones towards getting over someone :)

Merry Xmas

a deserving winner by mile...
not many of us have face much rejection in life...
only those who have gone through something like this...
could relate to this...
and finding comfort in something we love to do...
is the only way to forget that rejection...

Merry Xmas everyone...
My wish this year and the year to come...
Is to be happy with my love and friends around me...
And to be acknowledge by family for the time i spend with them...

*the one that got away

As u all know, my car got banged by a female truck driver...
and it has been at the workshop for a week...

R: u know i just realised that ur car plays a BIG part in our relationship eh? LOL
Me: Lol y?

R: Ya lo without it, it will GREATLY REDUCED our meetups and dates :)
Me: I think so ba

R: I think ur car giggling liao... He say hehe without me the couple paralyzed liao
Me: -.-

I dunnoe if it's stress or what but somehow my dear's absence...
Made me a little uneasy...
Especially with the squabbles we have over petty issues...

*the look

yesterday while me and R was walking to the place we're gonna have dinner...
a few people who walk pass us gave that "look"...

R: Dear, you notice whenever we walk pass people, they give us a look...
Me: *nods* yeah so weird the face

R: Think they know lo...
Me: U sure or not... How can tell?

R: I can read ppl's face mah
Me: Maybe it's my body language ah...

But yeah, is there such a thing as a couple look? hmmm....
Im quite oblivious in this -.-

*that word

was watching Sekai Itchi Hatsukoi...
when came this part "If you love me, you must ..."
OMG.... so familiar can?!!!

*stupid acts

little did i know my actions ytd upsets my dear
feels bad now :(

*heh. Saturdays should be this good

Saturday - JB trip (photo monologue)



















I guess mini trips like this...
makes me relax and forget about work...
I'm so looking forward to long holidays plans...

*the best thing i never had

So i guess I got a proper closure...
I found out the truth somehow...
And it made me realised I was such a fool back then...
But I'm glad it ended before it prolonged further...

Although it did quite a damage...
I wouldn't have chanced upon what I had right now...
If not of what had happened...
I guess it is a blessing in disguise...

I hope this is the one really meant for me..

*fourth avenue

"I used to be a person who believes that relationship perpectually doesn't exist. After many countless dates and lowering my expectations, I was on the verge of giving up. I felt i was a backup plan in many instances, and i wasn't the dream guy that they want. So I then decided to close my options at that moment, not wanting to get hurt again.

R who found my profile on Grindr left me a message, to which I didn't return coz my phone was off till the next day. R wanted to get to know me and so we exchange numbers. R asked me out for a date to which i declined and I did build a huge wall to protect myself from going through the cycle again.

R constant messages and calls came in almost every single day and every single moment and as much as I'm trying to deny it, I kinda fall for R. I asked R one day what intrigued R to me and R's answer was "your honesty". I told R my fear of getting to know a new person again and R wanted to prove to me that R isn't like the other I have dated. A chance is all R is asking for.

And so I did, I said "yes" to R and I'm prepared to get all wrentched up if this is gonna fail and it's prolly gonna tear me down if the same thing gonna happen again. It's been 4 months now, I know its still short but its long enuff for me coz my previous has never manage to pass the 2 months mark, not after my 1.5 yrs relationship with my ex.

I'm truly happy now and I wish to let others out there to never lose hope on love coz they come when u least expect it. There will come many heartbreaks till you find that special someone truly meant for you. Just never fail to keep hoping."

this is what I have put on my Fridae profile. Thanks R for being part of my life and I really appreciate the care and concern you have given me :) Happy 4monthsary!

remembering dates

Iss: U free this friday?
Me: yup no bookings so far... Whatcha wanna do?

Iss: U forget ah my bday?
Me: Oh yeah!!!

Iss: So sad can't celebrate with *insert special person name*
Me: Shit I'm sorry!!! Okok im on, we celebrate!!!

-.- see la caught red-handed again...
i kept forgetting impt dates...

earlier today i meet my close ex-colleague...
she went like "you remember my wedding when right?"...
hahaha and yeah well, u know the answer hahahaha

heart skips a bit

heh. my heart skips a lot lo...
hahaha on the repeat loop lo...

*when u hold me like this, my heart skips a bit*

*worry

it seems that the worry mode is on...
literally on everyone's that is around me...
mum especially...
then that triggers R...

and then the close frens...

to add on, to ppl i talk to about my future plans...

sometimes i really wish life is simpler...
less drama, less complicated and more understanding...
wouldn't it be great?

on the other note, pls stop worrying ok...

especially if its me you're worried about...

i'll be fine, seriously...

*apple of my eyes

So wendy sms-ed me late night....

Wendy: Are u meeting him after his movie? If you're not... Let me know
Me: I don't think so coz will be too late to meet him after movie

Wendy: If you want to catch late night movie... Let me know again...
Me: Ok I don't mind a late movie but not sure what's gd

Wendy: You're the apple of my eyes
Me: I am?

Wendy: -.- Movie. Pls. We're buddies for life. No lovers.
Me: huh? wahahahahaha for once I tot u were damn nice la

Wendy: Pls oh pls. I love u as my buddy. I cannot imagine kissing u ok.
Me: Eeee me either.

LOL. and now i know there is such a movie.

*school boy

R: Dear, tomorrow we meeting right?
Me: Yes dear but can't go home late. Wait mummy scold

R: Ok I'll inform you what time. Don't worry I'm a good hubby won't let you go back late.
Me: (sad emoticon) ok

R: I feel like I'm dating a secondary school student suddenly
Me: -.-""""""

*the big bad wolf

Me: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
R: wah the 'm' so long...

Me: Its a fence la, H is the gate....

The sheep come liao

Big bad wolf is near

R: Hahahahahahahaha! True!
I'm the sheep and you are the wolf *runs away*

Me: -.-"

*pray, love and ice cream

so me and dear were having Ben and Jerry's at Dempsey...

Me: Dear u see, they eating 2 scoops of ice-cream and a wafer each...
R: wah yes lo...

Me: so much leh like a meal lo...
R: yeah that time we eat 3 scoops with half the size waffles we share... so full liao...

Me: yeah but must see the size mah....
R: yeah true....

Me: Dear, I wanna snap their pics put on FB...
R: iyer... can can hahahha

Me: U take ah coz u facing them...
R: Hahaha can can.. *snaps pic*

R: Dear but the girl not so fat bah... maybe they haven't had dinner...
Me: can't be, see the size lol....

yeah we can be bitchy at times!!

*simple things

listen carefully and you know why this fits perfectly...

*bliss

this weekend is a bliss:)

took a chance on me

OMG this is so relatable!!



You're so scared to fall in love
Cuz you end up in the dust
Everytime everytime...

Now you see us all the same
Like our words are just a game
Spitting lies, dirty lies

I know you know
There's something here
But you cannot get pass the fear
I can help you make it clear...

So when you feel like trying again
Reach out, take my hand
So how great it could be
To fall in love with someone you can trust

Who would never give up
Cuz you're all that he needs
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh oh

You give 100& but you've never seen a cent
They're so blind, they're so blind
Cuz i'm looking at your face
And the world's a better place
In your eyes, lovely eyes

I know you know
There's something here
But you cannot get pass the fear
I can help you make it clear...

So when you feel like trying again
Reach out, take my hand
So how great it could be
To fall in love with someone you can trust

Who would never give up
Cuz you're all that he needs
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh oh

You got nothing to lose baby,
But you won't know if you don't try
Please don't leave me asking why
So when you're ready to choose baby
I'll be here with open arms
With the same in love in my heart

So when you feel like trying again
Reach out, take my hand
So how great it could be
To fall in love with someone you can trust

Who would never give up
Cuz you're all that he needs
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh
Baby take a chance on me
Baby take a chance on, oh oh oh

Hee, I'm glad I took the chance!!!

*muffins

A client sent this to me by hand...
So I snapped a pic and send to dear...



R: Nak!! Can?!
Me: In my tummy... Burps!!!

R: Iyer so bad!!!
Me: Lol.... Farts

R:*went into coma*
Me: Iyer my fart smell of jasmine flower ok

R: Puh-Lease!!!
Me: Hahahahhaha

who wanna smell my fart?

*power puff

so it seems someone spot a new haircut

me: dear i think this hairstyle looks good on u
dear: really?

me: yeah can see ur puffy cheeks
dear: iyer

❤ ❤ ❤

❤ the "grab your stuff" JB trip...
❤ the walking in the rain to office and you find it so romantic...
❤ the night together...
❤ the cuddling....
❤ the wakeup call *smirks*....
❤ the "tot it was 6am" moment...
❤ the "breakfast and all the food were not ready" moment...
❤ the starbuck-ing and watch ANTM together...

i wished we could relive the whole moment again!

*its a weird weird week

hi azman don't ignore this message.
if u can remember, which is not possible, and its long ago iwas the indian in your lasalle class.
i'm (insert ex-classmate name) from india. can i go on ?.
I was the student who was always getting it from (insert ex-classmate name).

I was (insert ex-classmate name) presentation neighbour.
on the side i'm chatting with ck
he remembers me.
we;re discussing loooong ago-lasalle
I was(insert ex-classmate name) presentation neighbour.
(insert ex-classmate name) remember?
remember patricia and hidayah?and vincent delgado..
EITHER U REALLY CANT REMEMBER OR ARE WONDERING IF I'M A FAKE?
I'LL GIVE ANOTHER CLUE- sorry the only one i can remember- (insert ex-classmate name) friend- was the best student girl in the class.
(insert ex-classmate name) had asweet short haired girl friend whom he's married to now.
I know because he had announced it on the net and i keep track you guys
i think were in your teens when i was in ur class iwas in my 30'sdo u remember my face , if i may ask a frank rude question? how are u doing?
ok- cherry and umm who used to have a printing shop opposite our college on goodman rd
all students used to print there- at thanjong rhu
yess (insert ex-classmate name) friends name was (insert ex-classmate name) or (insert ex-classmate name)
she was the best student of the class
when u remember tell me!. its okay if u dont u can tell me you have forgotten. u married?
you are no and you always look frwrd to wifeys evening dinner
right or wrong?

all this went in one msn conversation...
then earlier this week from another person...

he wrote one long email saying he was in australia and hp screwed up...
Came back to office and his office pipe burst...
so he had to relocate...
Fell sick for a week and listen to this...
his shophouse got struck by lightning.... LMAO

its a weird weird week I tell ya!!!...

*3rd

today marks the third month...
seems like time past very fast!

hahaha this is prolly only the few Malay songs i listened to!

*dear, happy 3rd month!*

*desperate moves

so yeah, me got the new iPhone 4s...
dear was so excited coz can FaceTime...
and also tot of getting a cover together...
which i think it's too couplish... lolx

R: oh ya dear pls download skype to ur iPhone soon...
Me: oh gt liao

R: Make sure you know ur ID and password
Me: Err i think so... Y?

R: Yeah just in case all other apps are down, can use skype also :)
Me: wah so desperate?! Lolx

R: I am when it comes to can't contact u
Me: Diaoz

*random call

Me: hello?
R: hello!!!

Me: eh who is this?
R: dear la... (using office line)

Me: oh
R: dear im sorry i didnt reply ur whatsapp messages... my battery is running low and i had to borrow my fren's cable to charge my phone... I call you to tell u this...

Me: (Burst out Laughing)
R: dear y u luff?

Me: wahahahaha u call me just to tell me that...
R: iyer ya la... anyaway dun post this online k?

Me: wahahahhaa

*the last message before this call was "nites"... wahahahaha... my dear cute hor!!!

*sorted

im glad everything is sorted out...
thanks to those who gave their listening ears and their advise...
and thanks henry for really whacking me hard...
and knocking some sense in me...
i guess i need that...

am so looking forward to Tuesday!!!

*russian roulette

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

*all my life

this unsettling feeling wouldn't go away...

maybe i'm jinxed...
maybe some people are right...
maybe i think too much...
maybe its too good to be true to begin with...

you can see it coming...
so the question is...
will it, will it not?

my past experience tell me...
sooner or later, I'll be crushed...
and I'll blame myself for not following my instincts...
but sometimes you always dream for once to be happy...
and I really do, I really wish for at least once....
to give me a chance to be happy..
and now I couldn't help but to tear badly...

maybe it is true all a long...
im the backup plan...
the person you could rely on if everything else fails...

then again, i think too much :(

*infinite

super sync lo their dance routine!!!

"I want you forever...Forever and always...Through the good and the bad and the ugly"

i went speechless when dear said "i really dunnoe what to do if you were to leave me"...
frankly i too am scared if it happens to me...
they were many hopes built on me in my previous dates...
and it always came crashing down hard on me...
im always on the cautious side after then...
coz i scared it will break me if it really happens...

today you whispered "you are the best thing that happen for me"...
i went speechless again...
coz i genuinely felt the same...
and u said "i imagine us living together and all"...
i heard this many times from friends who had a relationship before...
and somehow theirs failed...

i mean who doesn't want it right...
to have dreams and envisioning it...
but i wanna be realistic this time round...
and take things as it is...
living the moment and not over thinking it....
and hopefully things work out...

used to be someone who plans things...
like really really plan kinda guy...
and dream of the future...
but somehow that doesn't work for me anymore...
after knowing that someday these hopes...
will just come crashing on you...

as for now "I want you forever...Forever and always...Through the good and the bad and the ugly"

*dance

i'm addicted. period.

*down down down

"its just hard to try to achieve ur dreams when ur parents ain't supportive...
wonder how u do it?"

Ichi wanted to vent out his frustrations and talked to me about it earlier in the day...

I guess some of you had already knew...
the rough times I had throughout my career...
and setting up my agency...
with my parents being paranoid on every moves I make throughout...

I guess, if I'm in their shoes, who wouldn't eh?

but I always believe that every parents want the best for their son...
and sometimes yeah they will go overboard...
being paranoia and overly cautious of every decision made...

then again, I guess I'm quite rebellious in that sense...
since young, I've been following what my parents want...
even up to diploma stage, where they have always wanted me to up business course...
but I had insisted that I wanted to take design...
where I was told there isn't any future in it...
so the closest I could go was to take Multimedia course...

only after NS, that I told myself I really want to do what I like...
and I wouldn't want to land myself in a mundane job...
sitting in my cubicle and doing what I didn't enjoy doing...
and boy when I told them that I wanted to take design as a degree course...
they literally flip, like real bad...
my only excuse "I will do well and not disappoint u guys, i promise"...
and convince them, that I could fall back as a lecturer...
if anything fails with this degree...

I was real proud of myself that day I graduated...
during Lasalle days, I've worked part time and study...
I prolly work 3 weekdays and full shifts on both weekends...
with my hectic submission datelines every single week...

I did recall a classmate asking me "How did you even manage to cope?"
and my answer would be "I don't know, what I know is that I really want this"
I cried that day, tears of joy that is...
a 2nd Upper Class (Hons)...
and I wasn't even a design person to begin with...

when i first land my job...
I did recall my mum telling me...
"How come you are working OT every now and then?"
"You should have taken a 9 to 5 job like every one does"
"see told you not to take design"

I was indeed frustrated at my parents...
but I told myself, I did this because I love what Im doing...
and I told myself "one day, i got to prove to them again that it all makes sense"...

up to my third job...
oh i did job hop alot, almost every year...
I got pretty bored with what I was doing...
it was all about taking instructions...
doing a design which was not even thought of...
primarily just making the client happy...
and having to deal with stupidity at work...
and with people who has no clue whatsoever about design...
what's more frustrating is how they look at designers...
some bunch of people who know no business sense...
and are unworthy in many ways...

thats when i decided that maybe running my own agency...
would be great....
that was after a random thing that me, Wendy and Vick had...
over supper where we thought it would be great to have a cafe on our own...
a retirement plan we see 10 years down the road...

and now I would say 2.5 years after the agency is born...
I'm embarking towards my cafe dream...
I'm pretty thrilled at all these...
at time I did pinched myself to see if these weren't a dream...
and I always tell myself, if you believe in something...
and trust your gut feelings...
things will work out...
it just will :)

I know dear is down too...
But all these are tests we should take on...
Be strong ok, I know you will...
Don't ever lose hope....

*without you

hahaha so the shorts did work :)

*iWin

Me: I win liao!!!
R: Haven't lo... There's always light at the end of the road!!!

Me: double cnfrm!!!
R: U r just lucky to get all the stupid S

Me: They give mah i neh ask lol

R: Iyer dear so smart! I think Im losing liao...:(
Me: hahaha -pats- I give u chance ok...

R: Iyer dun want ur pity-ness ..
Me: Fine!!! lol...

Me: Wah 60pts
R: Iyer so yaya!!!

Me: OMG 89!!! my highest score!!!

Hahaha playing WORDS WITH FRIENDS have never been so entertaining....

*annoyed

seriously I'm still irritated...
u gave me a call early in the morning...
i've returned the call and pretended i didn't know your number...
you told me your name, to which I pretend I didn't know it...
and I told you you prolly dialed the wrong number...

you gave me another call during lunch...
to which I just chose to ignore...
so stop "popping" back into my life can?!

I'm not spiting you for what you had done to me...
but Im annoyed at my stupidity then...
to hang on for 4 months...
to fall for someone who cares less of me...
who doesn't believe in a relationship...

seriously I'm in a better place now....

*from the moment i love u

i kept playing this song over and over again...
hee....
and ironically i don't listen to malay songs since i was in secondary school...
hee...

*brekkie

Me: u not working today?
R: Werking dear... Graveyard shift...

Me: oh hee do you want me to fetch u again?
R: Hehehe!!!! Do u want to?

Me: of coz...
R: hehehe... ouh okay...
Me: yay!!!

Me: Can i fetch u in the morning too?
R: ahahahahaha!!! U sure u wanna do that?

Me: hee of coz la... my dear mah
R heee... i love u :)



"i feel like im dating a chinese guy"

lol and i gotta say the more i know u, the deeper i get >.<

*forget me knot

Mum: Can you buy bread first thing you get out of the house?
Me: Errrrr... y must first thing?

Mum: Coz you will forget one...
Me: Errr i won't ba...

Mum: U always do...
Me: -.- U sms me again in case i forget...

lolx... mum knows best!!!

On the other note...
This is the first time dear never hold my hands in the car...
Usually will just grab and hold...
Dunnoe y today never :(

*yikes

been a busy week for me...
here's a quick run of what's happening this week...

dear got a bad flu and still went to work today *worried mode*...
me, i had a bad day at work meeting the indon client...
manage to have a quick meetup with iss...
za needed someone to talk to but somehow we both were busy...
hahaha ok yeah as confusing as it sounds...
trying to confirm hire in the agency...
went to send mum, sis and fiance for their hdb selection...
met for brekkie and lunch...
someone who confessed the feelings for me...

kinda threw some err moments in whatsapp hahaha...

and meetings after meetings day in day out...

im so needing a break!!!

*two

two...
and still strong...
i couldn't ask anything more...
something i tot would never ever gonna happen to me...
had made me grateful to be able to experience it once again...
thanks dear, you made me really happy :)

*surprise visit

In my earlier post I was kinda emo-ing...
and as I finished typing that entry...
I got a surprise visit from dear...
who came to cheer me up...

Indeed i was touched and definitely surprised...
Really appreciate the gestures...
And kinda talked about what was upsetting me...
Dear was so worried and was kinda expecting the worst...
But well its just me emo-ing and assured dear...
That its just a phase...

Went to sent dear to workplace after that...
And while watching dear, i was bingeing this...



emo must binge on fries lo... lol