*smitten

i was deep in lala land ytd...
when i received a call from iss...
and i tot it was like at wee hours...
but it was only 1am...
oh yes, i slept at 9pm coz i was bored...

we chatted coz he needs someone to talk to...
and it was all about who we each love dearly...
him wanting to move on from his not-going-to happen crush...
which he had hope for 3 years...

and me i blurted out "i'm scared of love"...
i dunnoe if its a subconscious tingy or wat...
and there i recalled all the moments i had with my ex to Iss...
someone so simple yet endearing towards u...
someone who says "dun think too much, just enjoy the time together"...
someone who says I'm being too nice...
someone who says I shouldn't have left u alone here...
someone who seems like cold on the exterior...
but in actual fact had always taken me by surprise...

so i confessed to Iss that I'm smitten in love...
and hence I'm not hoping much on the current...
coz I know somehow it's gonna be the same...
as those i had met after my ex....
and there u have it, I'm scared of getting hurt again...
as much as I can see that this someone is honest...
I can't help to see the differences...
and the circle of friends which to me is much to handle...

so in the wee hours...
i looked at my FB photos of the Bangkok trip we had together...
and tears keep flowing as I freshly recall...
how happy we were despite knowing...
my ex is gonna leave for Manila...
and how my ex asked me "are u happy that we went for a trip together?"...
and my reply was "don't be foolish... of course!"...
its been 2 years and its still hard to find a replacement...

I just hope this someone...
Would be the one fitting in ur shoes...
Happy New Year guys...

*dats 2010 for me

So here's a recap of 2010 in a nutshell

Made a bold move...
Quit my full-time day job...
And went all out for my agency...
A month of pure rest...
And then bam, busy busy busy...
2 months later decided to have a space for the agency...
I guess its the biggest risk I took...
Never had shed that many tears before in my entire life...
I hope it was worth all that...

I did manage to take a short break to Hong Kong...
I didn't really enjoy my trip thoroughly though...
coz all the while i was more worried about...
the work I left behind hahaha...
what to do, I'm such a workaholic...

I did manage to get my own car too...
Something I didn't really plan for...
But I hope it will be put to good use...

As for what matters in the heart...
Had a few heartbreaks back to back...
And decided that I should call it a quit...
As usual, when I'm on that verge of giving up...
Someone comes by...
Will not put hopes up high yet...
Kinda need to protect myself from getting hurt again...

Well thats goes 27 and here comes 28...
Hahaha so not looking forward to that!
I hope you had a fruitful 2010 :)

*quirkiness

finally cycle 15 of America's Next Top Model (ANTM)..
has crowned its winner, the quirky Ann Ward...
this is how she looks before a model shot...

and this is how she transforms in photo shoots...

It was kinda a give away...
coz she won 5 best photos in a straight row...
and yeah i felt that although her personality is not as loud as the others...
i was rooting for her all the way coz she is different in many ways...
being made fun of her height, she used it as a strength...
though she didn't realised that what she thinks was her flaws...
was an asset to her all along!

Take a look of her winning shots...
I should simply say "stunning"..

The runner up was Chelsey...

Which I think had worked hard to be in final 2...

but I guess she could make it on her own...

without winning the title...

coz she already looked like a model...

due to her experience in the industry...

This was a shot Chelsey and Ann took together

Merry Xmas everyone :)

*damages

sigh. it seems im causing a lot of damages lately...
not sure if its coz of clumsiness or just plain reckless...

the other time as I was reversing...
i bumped into a pillar...
luckily it was a gentle tap...
only the side of the bumper got small dent...
well the slot was damn small for my car...
and yes the sensor didn't detect it...

this time, same thing goes...
i was reversing near my office...
and bam the right rear lights broke...
hit the gate and its a gentle brush...
luckily no dents or what...
but sigh money just fly like dat...

Zaq say i should stop reversing too fast...
haha he even say i got coordination problem...
aiyaa I think I need to get use to the car...
and be more careful I guess...
*cross fingers*

*stunning

simply stunning :)

*gift from Beijing

So Zaq is back from Beijing...
and this is what he SMS-ed me...

"i have your souvenier!"
"ah u shldn't have le"
"don't kk la. Haha!"
"Iyer. Haha. Thanks u shldn't have trouble urself le"
"Still kk. Pui la. Haha!"



so that's what he got me! A chinese calendar haha!!!

out of randomness, he called me ytd...
asked me if i could acc him shopping...
and since I've declared that I'm not heading work that day...
I decided y not?!
Haha... apparently I'm enjoying his company alot lately :)

*a new star

its amazing to see people's life changing journey really...
and seeing this X-Factor 2010 finalist, Rebecca Ferguson...
really assured me that a humble beginning...
will set u far off to success...

i was really voting her to the end...
not just becoz of her humble story...
but also a voice to match....
kudos to Matt Cradle...
whom i thought deserves the title as a winner...
with his personality and an amazing voice...
but Rebecca is someone i could relate very close to...

here's her audition tape...


I've remembered myself as a very shy person...
and too reserved due to my upbringing...
I've used to bottled up most of my problems...
not willing to share any even with my parents...
probably becoz i feel no one would understand me...

and that is when i recalled someone who said...
you can never bottle up your feelings forever...
coz when it bursts, you gonna break...
and it did i guess...

right now staying humble and true to myself is the best approach...
something i felt is important in my life...

see her amazing performances :)






and the best i've heard

*hold my hands

I hope you could too :)

*persistent

it always happen...
when u dun seek, they flock...
the more u ignore, the more persistent they get...
it just have to get complicated does it?

*a given

i can't believe i'm saying this...
im starting to miss someone oredi...
is it a given?

*all chocs

it was hard to think of a bdae prezzie for zaq...
and since it was successful the last time i made the chocs...
i tot it would be a perfect gift...
besides the book and Body Shop gift i got him...




i hope he likes it :)

anyway people have been commenting...
about me getting the Hyundai Tuscon...
personally there is nothing to brag about...
and it doesn't constitute you are rich...
it's purely for convenience sake to meet clients...
as I'm usually rushing from one location to another...

to me, if you could commit, do what you could...
just know what you are committing into...
and not be a burden to you...

i can't wait to see Zaq's reaction 2mrw :)

*jaded

It doesn't seem to change...
Never will....
Maybe I'm a disappointment...

I'm never been the favourite one in the family...
Whatever I do, is always wrong...

Being a designer was a "wrong" job...
Joining an agency and was expected to OT was "inappropriate"...
Working in an agency on contract basis was "stupid"...
Quitting my job was a "wrong" move...
Setting up my own company was a "crazy"...
Owning an office was "absurd"...
and now getting a car "is too much"...

i really dunnoe wats right...
just to please my parents...
can't they be for once be happy and supportive of me...
i do really feel like shunning myself...
pack my stuff and migrate to another country...
just the way i planned a couple of years ago....

and yet again i tot for once there is hope...
indeed i was naive...
always thinking of others not once myself...

anyway Firus, u are right, im always jaded...

sometimes i do feel like i'm alone...

no one to lend a shoulder...

*in a xmas mood

seriously i dunnoe y...
my friends like to intro me...
to colleagues or their friends...
as much as I'm honored...
I feel really really awkward...

hahaha do I look like I'm easy to get along with?
i doubt they can see the uneasiness...
the "errs" and the stumbled words....
that comes between conversations...

its really hard to find a common topic really...
coz i'm pretty a homey guy and fairly busy...
so when topics like "have u watched (fill in with the latest movie)"...
i will go "erm no idea"...
or "what u usually do over the weekend?"...
i will go "erm work?"....
hahaha I'm such a boring person hor...

and my friends seem to like pointing out my bad habits...

instead of saying good things about me o__o"

anyway I wanna say "Happy Birthday Iss!!!"
thanks for being such a great friend since Lasalle days...
and I hope he enjoyed the gifts, the dinner and the company...
and yeah success to his shop too :)



i hope you guys like the xmas gifts too...

haha wendy seemed overjoyed with her Swarovski bracelet...
which i specifically told her to open only during Xmas...
and her, not containing the excitement...
decided to open it the following day...


vick did the same when i gave his gift...

he practically ripped the wrapper infront of me...

waste my time making sure the sales girl wrapped nicely hahaha....
im glad he likes the Braun Buffel key holder...
and the Body Shop hamper :)


I do hope Zuli enjoys the Royce chocolates...
I know its so last minute and I don't really know what to get for her...


I've gotten Zaq a book "Never Let Me Go"...
written by Kazuo Ishiguro recommended by ZA...

i seriously didn't know what's a good gift for him...
so I hope its a good book and a good bdae gift...
oh yeah I'm gonna make him the strawberry dipped choc...
and hopefully it doesn't fail on me this time lol...


anyway I'm really looking forward to this weekend...
celebrate my Sis's bdae, Zaq's bdae...
and xmas dinner at Fairmont hotel with vick and wendy :)


Have a good weekends guys :)

*knock this heart down

z makes the move again...
this time to BKK next year with a gal fren...
somehow it scares the shit out of me...
the tot of being intro-ed to all the frens...
(recalls the club incident)

isit going a tad too fast?
am i the one since z started intro-ing me around?

seriously this heart doesn't know yet...
it doesn't skip a bit when it should be...
but at the same time do thinks of z time to time...
confusing eh?
and z definitely is a nice person...
so y isn't this heart reciprocating?

somehow i need to think this through...
and ask myself what i relli want...
i hope i dun let down another heart...

*regrets

I had to admit that these 2 weeks were the toughest...
I tried my best to contain the anger and unhappiness I had...
and treat it professionally as part of the job...
but when a person tries to push beyond...
what I deemed is ethical...
u totally lose respect to the agency the person is representing...

RULE 1
you don't engage an agency to do your work...
if your not comfortable with the quotation...

RULE 2
you don't bargain with an agency and expect 50% discount...
with a very short timeline and ridiculous number of deliverables...

RULE 3
if you still persist and agreed to the quotation...
do honor it...
u don't keep going on and on every single time...
and ask for discounts...

RULE 4
u don't give people materials at the 11th hour...
and expect miracles to happen...
trust me, even miracles needs time....

RULE 5
people do the extra mile to deliver items that are not quoted for...
out of kindness...
don't push it and ask for discounts...

RULE 6
when your boss says honor the quotation...
u jolly well honor it and don't ask for 20% discounts....

RULE 7
if you think the deliverables are not up to standard...
u don't bullshit and say "we wanna build a good rapport"...
"and if the project is awarded, we will engage u again in future"...
i don't see the link between not up to standard...
but will engage the agency if they won the pitch....

RULE 8
dont be a bitch and keeps talking without listening to the other party...
nor even give a chance for the other party to talk...
it shows you ain't professional...

RULE 9
if you feel your agency is competent enough to handle the project...
don't go saying that others are not...
it just backfires...

RULE 10
if you are nice to others, others would return the same....

I've practically worked long hours for the past weeks...
for this project and I deeply regret taking it...
having to bear with such ordeals....
even the other person that they engage external help from...
is sharing the same sentiment as me...

i hope karma will give her some justice...

*no-holidays

Having to hear people i know of...
clearing their leaves and off for a holiday...
kinds of dampen my mood a lil...

i love traveling...
its a break i usually look forward to...
from the preparation stage...
to the time I step foot on the country Im visiting...
and here I am working my butt off...

It's been really draining lately...
once I've reached home, i feel like im knocked off...
but yet again, I will switch on my laptop and start working again...
(yeah im declaring myself a hardcore workaholic)

these days i find myself zoning...
sometimes during conversations...
or meetings or even talking to friends...
i try to catch a few winks in the train...
but usually the odour thats lingering in the train...
kept me awake most of the time..
(blame it on the mainland foreigners)...

i know they say you will see the rainbow after a heavy rain...
and I know it will come someday...
just that today I feel like whinning hahaha...
pardon me :)

*awkward-as-it-seems

How would you react to a situation...
where the date asked you out...
to meet a gd fren + the partner in a club?

Well, me to begin with...
doesn't enjoy being in a crowded place...
full of ppl gyrating to loud music...
and to top it up, the date...
says we are meeting a gd fren + the partner!!!
too much to handle at one go ain't it?

So me being the nice one...
Decided that I shouldn't spoil the fun...
and go with the flow...
Awkwardly as it seems, I kept mostly quiet...
not only due to the company of the gd fren + partner...
but also the throbbing headache the music is causing...
(i seriously blaming the age now)

Then came the weird questions...
which really made me more uncomfortable...
its like the gd fren trying to dig things out from you...
fortunately, the date decided to leave early...
and I was indeed relieved...

So the big question is...
Do you judge a person based on his/her gd frens?
Or how would you say you aint comfortable...
with the bunch of friends he/she is with...
without offending the person?

I do realised I usually have issues..
meeting with any date's friends...
coz I know the "drama" thats tagged along with...
and it usually puts me off...
coz I'm usually very selective of whom I mixed with...

Anyway I bumped into many familiar faces...
and that makes it all more awkward...
Seriously, I'm refraining myself...
from entering clubs again...

Am I being too difficult? Hmm

*desperad0

Itchy-backside Azman...
decided to meet a desperado...
after the repeated attempt by the desperado...
out of sympathy....
despite being warned by close friends...

the meeting place was decided...
and Itchy-backside Azman put aside his busy schedule...
just for this date though his gut feeling says...
its not wat he wanted...

Itchy-backside Azman saw from far the desperado...
and boy, he really wanted to play-out the desperado...
coz desperado definitely does look like what's claimed...

but being the nice Itchy-backside Azman...
he decided to give desperado a chance...
coz maybe desperado wld turn out to be nice...
well indeed desperado was nice....
but well the reason why desperado was called "desperado"...
was desperado was too pushy...

"are u free this weekend?"
"err... Im not free this weekend... got lotsa work"...
(was lying actually... though the lotsa work was true)...
"ok how bout next week then, im free!!!"....
"err... Im not sure coz weekdays are hard for me....
I could only confirm on the day itself"....
"oh that sounds good... u tell me when u free then"...
"err... ok...."
all this while Itchy-backside Azman...
was cringing to go home...

oh and desperado is twice of Itchy-backside Azman's age....
and Itchy-backside Azman couldn't help...
but to keep staring at desperado's belly...
(I know it's a bad habit but err couldn't help it hahaha)...
Wendy had reminded me not to get rape...
and throughout the date...
Wendy's advise kept playing over and over...

well at this stage...
I'm pretty comfortable with someone already...
but am not sure yet where all this is heading...
and pretty much I would like nature to take it's course...
and stop pushing it like I used to do...

I'm really happy with work too...
and the love ppl are giving...
the referrals and good words ppl have been showering...
thanks to all, too many to mentioned...
but you guys know who u are...
have a good weekend...
p.s: i have a movie date tonight!!

*awkward moments

its been the longest time...
i kept this blog un-updated...

here's what been going on in my uber busy schedule...

the office is finally on its final renovation stage...
and im really really happy with the reno...
all the late night work, running to meet clients...
sometimes breaking in tears due to burnt out...
squeezing every energy left out of me...
is really beyond words...






I'll update with proper pics...
once the complete furniture are in...
right now i feel all the hard work did pay off...
and all I hope is whatever im putting in...
will reap in success :)

thanks to wendy, vick, iss, zuli, murni, thomas and my np kakis....
for their constant support...
u dunnoe hw grateful i am...

oh beside that...
i had the most awkward date...
don't really know how to put it in words...
awkward moments, moments where there isn't any conversation...
but maybe my date was tired...
coz it looked like it...

and the shocking part was...
the date caught me offguard..
by asking me out 2mrw again...
and planning the activities to spend the day...
even asking if i wanted to catch walking with dinosaurs...
at a later date...
i guess i shld just see how it goes...
honestly, i dun have the excitement on the first date kinda thingy...
which i usually do...
wendy puts it as lust...
hahaha which i find it true...
maybe thats y they say love is left to be discovered?
*shrugs*

anyway enjoy the weekends while it last...
for me, i gotta burn midnight oil again...
heh...

*he and he

He pings him...
He responded...
He seems like he knows what he wants...
He doesn't seem pushy...
He sees it like this could be it...
He wanna make sure of everything and take things one at a time...
He's happy at the moment :)

*never did

i guess i cant help it these days...
i've been burnt off from work i guess...
trying to constantly keep myself busy...
just to keep my mind off things...
and suddenly i find myself crumble again today...

i've been very edgy lately...
and someone said i've been angsty too...

i've totally tried to keep my distance of frens too...
its been really really hard on me...
having ppl giving their views on decisions i've made...

and all this while...
they havent got a clue how hard it is for me...
to strive on my very two feet...
and not having any support from family...

i've put up a facade too, to make it seem like its nothing...
those who did, u knew who u are...
and i really really appreciate it...

and ytd while i watch amphetamine...
it so reminds me of how lonely i felt...
all i did was to keep reminding myself...

keep myself busy with work...

sometimes i knew ppl just dun stay...

they move on...

and u're just the fren to fill in that moment in life...

*pinoy-boi

i don't seem to have a purpose to blog nowadays...
its either gonna be an emo post, some boring stuff or work...
so this is what's been happening this week...

been looking for an office space...
and seriously i didn't know finding an office space...
with a budget of mine is simply impossible...
going around visiting the site was simply draining...
so the question still lies...
does location matters when it comes to agency's image?
quality of work vs agency's office location...

sis then dropped a bombshell...
she's gonna get engaged this jan...
and eventually planning to get married in 3 yrs time...
the whole family is busy planning for the engagement...
and me, im keeping a low profile...
coz I have a gut feeling, I'm gonna be forced...
to fork out for the engagement ceremony...
and the best part...
Im not the one getting married and my sis is not forking a single cent....
she and the fiance says they didn't want the ceremony...
but my parents insist saying its a family affair...
and the "whole world" should be made known...
so sis said since my parents insist, they should be forking it out...
and somehow I dunnoe hw I can come into the picture...

yesterday i went to collect my formal pants from Zara...
after a confusion made on my reservation the day before...
went down all the way to Orchard just to find out...
the pants I reserved wasnt there...
and they couldn't trace it till late evening...
after having all the alterations done...
went back to do some grocery shopping...
and there the cashier aunty went...
"Boy, u pinoy huh?"
I went "no la auntie I local"...
"Oh tot u pinoy, I can practise my tagalog"....
I was speechless...
and she had to add on...
"So u Indon huh?"...
"No auntie, Im Malay la"...
"oh ok"...
My mum had a good laugh when i told her about it...
yeah never been once ppl identify me as a local Malay guy...

*bored

When u're sick and bored...
and work doesn't seem to cut in...
there's always you-tube hahaha...

well X-Factor has always...
has a row of very talented singers...





and the drama...