//test

//that wish

Its been awhile since I last blog…
I wished I could pour everything here…
Like how I used to…
But I guess its too painful to do so…

I wished things have been better…
I wished I could have done something…
I wished I was stronger…
I wished I have been a better son and brother…
I wished all these hasn't happen…

Somewhere I'm trying to find that strength again…
Just to keep going and be strong for my love ones…
I hope I'll tide through…
I really do :(

//tough

today i couldn't stop tearing...
sis texted me and said what she saw a couple of days back...
regarding my parents...
but what actually saddens me...
was when she said...
"im sad, every bride looks forward to their wedding"
"with such happiness whilst i'm sad with whats happening with our family"

i had to comfort her and said she should be happy...
coz its her happiest moment in life...
but deep inside i really feel sad for both my mum and sis...
coz they had to go all through these...
i really dunnoe what to do....

i know its god's test...
especially to those He really loved...
and i never failed to pray...
that He will look after all 3 of us...
i seek for happiness for my mum and sis...
and i rather have them happy and not me...
coz that's what more important to me...

i knew he too is facing a hard time on his end...
and i also wished i could ease his burden...
it's been a tough year for both of us...
but im hoping it will make us stronger....

// a sad raya

I always hated raya...
Not that I'm not looking forward to going back to my kampung in Malacca...
Which honestly I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my grandma and my relatives...
Is that i had to faced dealing with my parents squabbling at almost anything they can imagine to...
From going there, to during the stay and even back to Singapore...

This year couldn't get any worst...
Knowing that my dad has an affair...
We had to pretend we are a family despite knowing this for raya...
I can't bear seeing my mum being treated such...
And she teared up when my uncle visited our house a couple of days ago...
I prayed real hard that everything would go back normal...
Not perfect, but at least my mum deserves better...

Sometimes I prayed life could be much easier for my family...
We've been through a lot, especially mum...
Having a dad who controls everything and not giving mum enough...
Just saddens me...
Now knowing she is facing such, I don't know what else I could do...

Sis is getting married soon...
I just hope mum could pulled through...

//updates

its been a really busy month for me...
and it also seem like i have been neglecting the blog...
well the blog is always a place i could turn to...
to express my current emotions and problems...

i've realised i've been snappy these days...
maybe coz work had taken a toll on me again...
and i've realised i've been very tired these days...
its like the energy has been sucked out of me...

i wished people knew how stressful it is...
how tired i am...
how hard it is for me to sustain the company...
and how much I patience I need to handle the drama...
that's been coming both for the company and the clients...

as much as I could give this up...
I didn't...
coz I told myself I would pull this through...
and I could prove to people wrong...
I just hope one day, I would be successful...
and give the life the family deserves...