Iodine

Like loneliness isn’t enough,
I have you.

You rush in
Even before I realize
How much I need you,
And rush away
Before I realize
I’m over you.

The smell of your scalp
As I inhaled you good-bye
Still fills my lungs
With the tinge of iodine.
I miss the longing.

The place is huge without you.
I lose myself in its empty corners.
I have the couch all for myself
But that is not what I want.
A breath wafts by my side
And echoes of you;
A hollow voice
A resonance of your whining.

And then there is my life,
In a heap on the floor,
Ready to be swept, too, under the rug.

How many times must the same wound bleed
Before it heals?
How many times must I hit rock-bottom
Before I rise again?

I tumble down from grace
Won’t you hold out a hand for me
And let me drag you down
To my lacy black abyss?

I break the ground beneath my feet
And descend at you.
I drink you like my soul
That I miss so much.
I soar above you
And break into pieces,
And shimmer while falling
Like our end.

I scatter the stars
Over your voice
That I may hear it again.

Again and again
I break your silence,
I break into song
Over your wound.

Smile,
That I may find my words again.
Smile,
That I may shatter my gagged self
And weep again.

Won’t you hold me now
While I fade away?
Won’t you hold me
And I’ll dissolve into you?

Hold me for when their eyes sweep over me
Like refined dust,
Hold me for when I crumble before the indifference,
Before the sweeping blasé of their yawn.

And on their faces
Frozen smiles
Fissured skin
And sadistic dreams.

I write you now
That I may erase myself,
I write you now
That I may be born again.