Hotel berhantu?

Malam tadi masa susah nak tido aku selak2 Yahoo! US front page. Terjumpa one of the articles tajuk 'Top 10 Haunted Hotels' in the US. Ni urlnye: http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-36436907

Kinda interesting to read. Aku cuma baca halfway je coz tetiba rasa seram dah pagi-pagi buta tu, dah la sejuk bukan main lagi. Pagi ni baru sambung.

Aku memang tak suka citer-citer hantu ni. Even citer yg thriller/suspense pon aku tak suka. Toksah harap aku nak gi bayar ticket movie gi tgk movies of these genres. Dapat free pon aku tak nak. Kalau kat tv ada scenes yg menakutkan ni aku akan either nyorok kat blakang hubby or tutup mata tutup telinga or mute kan tv tu. Dah selesai baru sambung tengok. Selalunye hubby akan rasa annoyed coz aku akan tanya dia byk soalan of wat happened or jalan cerita coz aku dah miss byk scenes penting. Hehehhe. Kalau baca tu, kadang2 tengok mood. Selalunye memang tak nak baca. Tapi since today is Halloween, saja-saja suka baca the stories sekadar hiburan.

Kat asrama, zaman skolah or masa zaman muda2 slalu gi camping, sure akan kuar cerita seram. Masa kecik2 dulu pon aku suka sangat baca buku cerita hantu, mostly aku pinjam from my cousins. Sanggup tu stay up nak habiskan buku-buku yg tulisannye halus sangat just to finish reading. I think until now pon aku masih ingat some of the stories. Ingat lagi tak buku cerita kanak-kanak oleh RL Stine, Fear Street, hehehe.. aku ada buku ni dulu masa zaman muda-muda. Dulu seronok la kot dengar, baca, tengok cerita. Dulu aku berani. Mungkin masa tu iman masih kuat lagi tegar. Heh! Orang perangai hantu je kot yg aku takut.
Tak tau la sejak bila aku semakin lama semakin takleh tahan dgn citer2 seram ni, sampai all those suspense/ thriller stuff on tv pon aku tak nak tgk dah.
Aku tak nak repeat all those citer seram kat sini coz aku tak nak ada jejak2 citer tu when I look back on my blog.

Bila dah sampai Aussie ni penakut aku ni kurang la sikit. Agaknye hantu mat salleh ni tak seseram hantu M'sia kot. Ada satu peristiwa, cuti winter 2002 kot, member2 aku mostly balik M'sia. Aku tertinggal kat sini with only a few friends, and unfortunately mereka ni kaki tgk movie. Aku lagi suka jalan-jalan, jenguk internet, reading, so slalu la tak join diorang tgk movie. One night aku bermalam kat one of the houses. Kami 3 orang je. Mana ntah si lagi 2 ekor ni jumpa all 4 sequel dvds of the Japanese version The Ring. Diorang pasang the movie tu & paksa aku join. Jahat gila diorang ni. Paksa aku tengok dalam gelap tu dgn diorang & tak kasi aku cabut my glasses so that aku boleh tengok skali. Siot tul, sesak nafas aku masa tu.

Alhamdulillah takat ni takde kot aku terserempak/ mengalami peristiwa-peristiwa yg tak diingini tu. Member-member aku pernah la kot kasi tau pernah. Aku percaya makhluk-makhluk Allah swt tu wujud, cuma aku harap aku takde rezeki nak terserempak dgn mereka2 ni. Coming from a science background, obviously aku kinda skeptical sket hal2 cam gini even tho aku memang penakut.

Contoh, hal bila tido malam2 rasa mcm org tindih kita & takleh bernafas. My explanation will be chest tightnening coz of the airways spasm/constricting or cardiac arteries constricting hence kurang blood supply to the heart/chest or simply musculoskeletal spasm. All these give u similar pain in the chest coz the nerves that supply the area are the same.

Lagi satu contoh, masa aku kecik-kecik dulu I had this demam panas sangat. I remember I woke up in the middle of the night & slept right in front of the door yg membahagikan bilik aku & bilik mak&abah. I remember also I had interupted sleep coz of panas inside & during one of the many times I woke up tu I saw this whitish thing floating in the room. And obviously I was talking to that white object that I saw. Looking back, I think it might me delirium. Young kids + the very old are prone to get delirium when they are unwell, and it can be a very frightening experience.

Anyhow, aku tak kata semua kes dada ketat ni can be explained by this science fact. Science still has a bigger mystery to it, and life has a lot bigger mystery that cannot be explained by science. Semuanya kuasa Allah swt.
Aku just harap aku tak mengalami peristiwa-peristiwa seram ni ever.

Sempena Halloween ni, nak ucapkan happy Halloween pon tak pasti pada sapa coz aku tak tau sapa kawan-kawan Aussie aku yg celebrate. Aku teringin nak join kanak2 go for treat or trick & dapatkan all the munchies yg best2. Aku teringin jugak nak tengok all the beautiful pumpkin carvings on the streets. Menarik kan.

Suka aku tengok pumpkin carving ni :)
tribute to: http://www.funny-potato.com/blog/pumpkin-carving

Comel kan?
http://www.healthcarendiet.com/2009/10/25/amazing-pumpkin-carvings-designs-pumpkin-decorating-pumpkin-decorating-pictures-pumpkin-carving/
a milder version of pumpkin carving.
amik kat webbie "pumpkin carving ideas for toddlers".

Hujan saja

Sejak sebelum Subuh tadi dah start hujan, until now tak henti-henti lagi.
Aku plak, berjaga sepanjang malam & hanya mampu lelapkan mata lepas kol 7 lebih tadi. Aaarrghh.. tak sukaaaa I taaw!!! Slalu aku boleh je tido malam tu bila abis night shift even tho aku tido pagi tu. Aku ingat aku tido around 4hours siang tu, then avoided all caffeinated drinks/ food, malam makan chlorpheniramine (antihistamine) still takleh tido lagi. Haru betul. Aku dapat rasa my heart was running kinda fast & otak aku pon bergerak laju yg sama. Macam-macam dalam kepala aku now. Hal next month, hal kerja, hal rumah, etc. Dah buka tutup computer 2,3 kali dah, plus baca lagi buku medicine still takleh tido. Masa nak try tido in between ada je bunyi-bunyian yg mengganggu. Tension! I better sleep tonite!!

Last-last bangun around Zohor time. Still hujan lagi. Gloomy, tak sejuk mana tak panas mana. Tapi aku still berpakaian tebal lapis2 jugak coz aku memang tak suka sejuk-mejuk ni. Boleh la dikira best jugak hujan di musim yg tak berapa panas ni coz ini jugak menandakan simpanan air akan lebih sket utk persediaan summer yg gila nanti. Aku dah lama tak basuh kereta kat rumah sendiri.. ada la dalam 3 tahun sejak the water restriction kat Melbourne ni diketatkan. Dalam tempoh tu nak siram pokok pon kena seminggu sekali... mana tak tanaman kat rumah ni dah diganti dgn weeds yg memang terkenal tak makan saman kan. Tambah lagi dgn takleh harap tuan rumahnye.. lagi la.. hahaha.. hutan belantara.

Anyways, my point is aku memang rindu nak basuh kereta sendiri di rumah sendiri. Rindu nak membelai my sweetie ni mandi-manda berdua-duaan. AAAUWWWW!!! Hahahahhaa... dulu basuh sendiri, tapi kali ni aku nak paksa hubby basuh skali. And aku rasa now water restriction dah dilonggarkan sedikit sejak beberapa bulan lalu, aku ni cuma tunggu masa je la nak basuh. Takleh basuh now coz masih hujan, kang kereta aku penuh dgn debu/habuk. Tu la satu, udara sini sangat berhabuk. Kalau basuh kereta pon & tak hujan malam tu esok pagi akan ada kesan debu2 kat kereta melekat from the embun2 malam tu. Kalau hujan lagi la terasa mcm frust je esok pagi tu tengok kereta mcm baru redah paya je.
Haaa... gambar kat atas ialah pemandangan di jalan depan rumah aku di petang hari dalam 1 jam sebelum Maghrib. Macam winter gloomy dia.

Phone hubby: yg putih2 covering Canberra to Tazmania tu ialah
the awan hujan on weather forecast.

Yg ni plak yg kaler biru tu ialah awan hujan lebat.

Tadi kami pegi makan dinner dgn Lybeau & family kat Thornbury. Jauhnye mak! North north east sana. Ok la. Sedap. Order segala makanan bagai, kebuluran la konon. Last2 tak abis jugak. Kena tapau. Anyways, best la jugak, a different area then yg kita slalu pegi. If not because of the distance aku rasa aku akan slalu kembali ke sini bila time malas nak masak or time takde masa nak masak.

'The Haunted House Test'

Aku kecundang gak tido petang lepas paksa berjaga afta coming back home from night shift. 4 jam kau! Aiii.. no wonder la now aku rasa takleh tutup mata ni. Sheeshhh...

Lepas abis rounds aku kat webbie mekap & masak-masak & main restoran kat FB, tertarik hati plak nak singgah kat webbie Blogthings. Link ada kat list column sebelah ni. Maklum la tengah musim Halloween. Apa itu Halloween? Pakcik Google or makcik Yahoo bleh jawabkan.

Yes, hafta admit, all about me is complex, but that doesnt mean that I'm complicated ;)
Amik sini: http://www.blogthings.com/thehauntedhousetest/

The Haunted House Test

You Are Complex and Deep You are a bit of a contradiction. It's hard to label you or sum you up easily. You have many interesting layers to your personality... and some of them you keep completely to yourself. You are open to change, and it's likely that your life has gone through many phases already. You don't expect anyone else to understand you. You're still trying to understand yourself!

Nyawa atau 'ass' lebih penting?

Ni aku type kat fb. Mesti korang pening nak baca. Hehehehe..

aku kena marah gila babas dgn si botak med reg masa tgh review a VT patient di pagi-pagi buta, kata kami night hmo malas tak review sang pesakit lain setiap satu jam selepas sang pesakit lain ini metcalls 2x due to hypotension (metcall yg boleh dipertikaikan sebab si pesakit sudah hampir terminal tunggu masa sahaja). Dia bengang kena blah from ED terpaksa review this pesakit sebab kami pentingkan pesakit lain yg sakit on the ward. Katanye kami tak paham kerja dia kena buat paperwork admissions in ED. Walaupon aku ada 2 hypotensives pesakit & sorang symptomatic non-sustained VT, rapid AF & sorang acute ischaemic limb di ward lain, dia tegaskan yang pesakit2 lain yg sakit tak penting boleh panggil metcall lain. Dia suruh kami hmo review si pesakit bekas metcall itu sementara dia siapkan paperwork yg menggunung di ED. Dia juga marah aku, dia mati-mati kata AF with heart rate above 80 is rapid AF, & marah aku apsal tak treat si pesakit lain yg AF dia rate controlled 90-110bpm walaupon pesakit itu due utk dia punya digoxin lagi 2jam. Bukan itu saja, dia juga berkata yg kami hmo sepatutnye buat apa yg dia, sebagai seorang senior, suruh & bukannya melawan dan pemalas mcm aku ni. yg lebih menyakitkan hati ialah si lagi sorang hmo lagi satu tu dgn selambanye ckp dia busy, bukan masalah dia sebab dia kena resite IV canulla & dia takde masa nak review pesakit itu. Mungkin mereka IMGs ni tak perasan yg cover satu hospital di malam hari cuma 3 org, med reg punya kerja yg kena support junior docs kalau ada kecemasan di ward, dan bukannye kertas kerja yg lebih penting dari nyawa pesakit2, dan 2 night hmo yg cover menda sama kena jaga semua pesakit ikut priority sakit dia.

Hmmm.. ye lah orang2 atasan, aku sedar aku sekadar doc kelas rendah yg picisan & aku patut kerja tanpa banyak bunyi kasi org lain senang buat kerja penting diorang yg lebih penting dari nyawa pesakit.

Sorry to say, no wonder la...baik aku berhenti berkata-kata, dan tido saja sebab malam ni lagi satu malam yg mungkin akan bengong jugak sebab ada orang2 sengal sekeliling aku.

Pening tak baca ni? Ye la, tulis dgn penuh perasaan bengan balik kerja semalam. Tu yg aku kata tu, kita berusaha buat sehabis baik org lain boleh lepas2 tangan cam gitu je. Kerana apa? Malas.

Anyways, update terbaru. Si botak ni tetiba mintak maaf ngan aku keesokan malamnye.
Masa aku being yelled at by him the other night tu, memang aku terpegun sejenak. Lepas aku menjawab tu, aku biar je dia bebel2 dlm fon & then said thanks. Aku seriously tak boleh terima yg dia lebih pentingkan admissions in ED than nyawa pesakit lain. That morning afta that stoopid night shift, like any other Aussie-product doctors (sad to say) I bitched about him to most of my colleagues masa hand over. And bila sampai kat rumah, mengarang karangan ntah apa2 di atas.
Aku ingat dia dah mintak maaf kat aku dia akan berubah sket kot. Hmm.. hampeh gak pada malam seterusnye.

Ada satu kes yg kasi aku panas gak but dalam hati like.. "aaiiii.. susah tol kerja dgn org2 yg kurang bijak niiihhhh!!!" Si mamat muda admitted for sepsis 2° pneumonia, developed acute psychosis while on the ward. Dah la nursing staff paged aku tak henti2.. kejap2 kata dia agitated la, hallucinating la. He was already shackled all 4 limbs. Of course la aku malas nak layan. Diorang ingat acute psychosis ni akan hilang sekelip mata ke kasi naloxone utk acute opiates overdose. Bengong. Pastu memandai panggil METcall konon patient ni in emergency. Eh? Dah psychotic episode + dah ada PRN meds + dah kena shackled, gi panggil METcall apa ke hal? Aku dah order pon olanzapine kalau patient ni yelling, kalau tak yelling tak perlu kasi. Si patient ni ada lagi 1/2 of the max dose for the 24hours. And aku dah kasi clonazepam which is a benzodiazepine. So tak perlu nak tambah lagi macam-macam kan.
Si med reg ni plak, memandai nak kasi another anti-psychotic, haloperidol, konon-konon dia med reg dia lebih tau la kan. Kata dia, sebab dia ada hallucination maka kena kasi anti-psychotic. Abih tu, olanzapine tu apa? It is a better but effective antipsychotic tolerated by most patients, not like haloperidol, tapi pasal dia hanya tahu haloperidol maka dia nak kasi haloperidol. Bukan itu sahaja, lepas tunggu 10 saat takde effect after each of the clonazepam & the olanzapine & the haloperidol, si nurse2 dan si med reg bertuah ni nak jugak kasi lagi shot of haloperidol. Obviously diorang tak nak dengar cakap aku... konon-konon aku ni bodo tak tau apa kan. Whoooaaaa... seriously diorang ni nak bunuh pesakit tu ke? Obviously after 1/2hour si patient terus zonked out.. and I believe will be for a loooooong time.

Seriously aku sangat panas hati, aku dah buat psych rotation, walaupon tak secara mendalam aku tau la drugs apa yg safe utk acute psychosis yg involves aggression ni and the time margin for the effect to come. Dah si sengal2 ni tak nak dengar, aku tak boleh nak buat apa dah. Hanya aku & sorang lagi resident tu je yg tak setuju dgn the drugs given by the med reg, while all the nurses plus the hospital coordinator yg berlagak pandai tu & of course la si med reg ni tak nak dengar argument aku about the drugs. And all this aku documented in the patient's file, aku just harap tak jadi apa2 kat patient tu sebab aku tak nak go thru all the root cause analysis thingy again.

Oh, bukan setakat itu saja. Sorang pesakit next door dgn si psycho ni, tak cukup tido & mengigau pagi2 lepas all this. Si nurses suruh aku review takut2 kena stroke or acute psychosis & demanded a CT Brain/ psychiatric review. Sorang lagi pesakit yg sepsis sebab pneumonia tapi ada chostocondritis diorang kata kena heart attack. Hahahahhaa... letih aku memikirkan org yg tak fikir before asking me to review patients. Buang masa & tenaga je melayan menda2 bodo cam gini. Baik aku gi study or review patients lain yg more deserving.

Kesimpulan with all my venting ni, cam tu la budaya di hospital2 di Victoria, Australia ni. Aku cuma mampu kasi insight kat sini je coz sini je yg aku pernah kerja. Tempat-tempat lain, even in M'sia, aku tak aware plak cam mana. Kalau kira all the healthcare system, government policies, fundings, gaji doctor, no wonder la Victoria is losing its doctors to another states in Australia or other countries. Serious sakit jiwa meh!

Aku seriously harap aku akan sanggup la menghadapi kesengalan on the wards ini semua for another 2 nights next week.
Sementara itu aku ada lagi cuti beberapa hari yg akan dipenuhi oleh hal2 tertangguh di rumah serta hal2 yg akan keep both of me & hubby busy until end of November.
Apakah itu? Tungguu...

Kenapa aku suka komplen? =P

Ok, kenapa aku suka komplen bikin semua org bosan? Buat masa ini aku memang tgh banyak energy utk aku suka komplen. Katalah apa pon sebab aku rasa apa yg aku cakapkan ni memang logical.

Sebab, to me, semua orang patut deliver their roles at their very best. Most people make a lot of effort to do their part right, it is very disappointing when that other party is crap kan. And I know setiap kali aku kerja, I always give my best. And kalau terkurang tu, aku rasa aku akat stress out to make it better. So aku rasa bila aku dah give my all like that, aku memang expect other parties to play their roles right. Aku menyampah gila kalau org lain being shitty or dumb in their roles.

Banyak org kata biar je la, dah dia bodo nak buat cam mana kan. Memang la dah dia cam tu, takleh nak buat apa. But does that mean that other people hafta telan je kebengongan itu? To me, memang kena komplen slalu coz kalau diam je its like giving them the green light to be slackers & inefficient. Aku tak expect pon diorang ni jadi perfect bagai, semua org ada kekurangannye. What I expect is just do the work betul2 & use the brain yg Allah swt dah kasi tu, supaya tak nyusahkan orang lain. Kekurangan yg ada patut dijadikan kekuatan utk memperbaiki diri supaya we can work around it. Nak jadi malas, sila la malas2 di rumah. Malas2 kat tpt kerja amatlah tidak dapat diterima, coz its on the expense of others. Sila hormat others ye.

Hehehe.. there. Ada bunyi cam mak nenek tak?

Last kopek, kalau dah komplen byk kali tapi tak lut jugak, hmmm.. cam mana ye? Ntah la, tak tau la nak give up complaining or not. Sometimes aku nasihat orang to just slow down & take a deep breath. We can only do so much, then the other person punya responsibility to act right. And make sure what we do is the best we can give so that our part is clean, and the other person tu yg slack.

Heh, pandai je aku ni nak nasihat org kan? Hahaha. Biasa la, blaja dp pengalaman hidup, esp. legal system here. =P

Ok, ciao. Ada panggilan pager ntah apa2 ni.

Night shift n pager bengong

Typed at work. Berehat jap.
Lagi bebelan aku di pagi-pagi buta ni, pasal kerja. Sure korang bosan punya la. Dah kata ni blog aku kan. ‘Aku’ synonym dengan ‘bosan’, tak pon ‘weng’. Hehehehhee…

Setiap kali aku drive pergi or balik kerja kat spital hutan ni, aku mesti rasa keawang-awangan. Kadang rasa cam fikiran aku ntah mana-mana je, tetiba ada kereta depan aku. Slalu rasa focus lari. Takde la ngantuk pun. Mebbie coz aku penat, plus dalam hati nyampah kerja situ.

Haa.. aku sort of perasan yg kalau aku kerja malam, aku slalunye makan proper meal sehari sekali saja iaitu dinner sebelum pergi kerja. During work time, just minum air panas tea/coffee/milo and kalau ada masa instant stuff e.g. instant soup, chocs, roti. Jarang sangat aku akan ada masa nak makan properly as we all should during work time. Selalunye some teguk air suam only coz takkan ada masa nak stop & drink. Nak gi toilet pon kadang2 rasa bersalah.

A hospital doctor, no matter what u do, is a highly stressful job. Especially if u actually hate what u r doing. Macam apa yg aku tgh buat skang ni. Benci kerja ward, especially after hours/ public holidays. Aku benci pager bodoh ni. It is especially daunting kalau u r tired, lapar, stressed. That’s why la penting to refresh urself afta every few hours. Dah la long hours.

Now slowly & slowly I learn to make time for ME: toilet, drink, some munchies, sit & breathe. Like wat my bosses say all the time, “In the end u hafta look afta urself coz u r the carer of these patients.” Yup, now unless if there’s a code, most of the time aku just nak take my time.

Aku baru je dapat satu page kata “ward XX bed #XX, requires urgent review for an IDC please.” URGENT? Heh!! IDC ialah in-dwelling urinary catheter, utk org yg takleh kencing. Kat aussie ni, nurses tak boleh buat IDC men (unless special circumstances), sumer docs kena buat. Diorang boleh buat IDC women je. Logicnye aku tak paham. Dua2 sama. Kalau nak kesah pasal prostate, hahaha je la, coz jarang akan perforate the prostate during IDC insertion. Saja malas tu. AND.. it is never an emergency thing, unless for a patient with compromised acute renal failure or in a trauma.
Disebabkan takde return number, and diorang suka suki je nak ckp tu urgent, aku tak nak reply. Takde moral langsung sapa yg hantar tu. Kalau nurse kat ward lain sumer akan check fluid balance chart first & at least buat bladder scan baru call aku. Ward ni memang takde moral pon. Selalu call aku tak brapa nak fikir first. Kalau call aku sure nak cakap patient ni need ‘urgent’ review on so & so & so. Ye la tu, urgent sangat la tu. Kalau critical sangat apsal tak panggil code je? Mengong. Nurses kat sini mmg suka sibuk menda remeh-temeh. Contoh yg ni & contoh suruh document satu perkataan, kalau tak takleh treat patient. Alasan, doctor's order & diorang ikut je. Kalau ikut bahasa sini, ini dinamakan being 'anal'. Kadang aku terfikir, diorang ni pegi uni tak before kerja jadi nurse? Ikut je doctors' orders & diorang cuma menjalankan perintah? Kakakaka. Kelakar, bila docs kasi advice/plan boleh pulak melawan tak nak ikut. Cam mana tu?

Boleh tak aku ckp aku memang menci dgn kerja nights on the wards? Apsal la HR tak bubuh aku kat ED je for this stoopid 2 weeks of cover job.

Anyways, ni dinner aku tadi. Tak boleh tido, so bangun awal arvo to cook. Lauk simple je yg mampu, tapi nak bubuh gak gambar. =P

*aiseh hospital ni punye internet punye la lembap. kat rumah nanti la aku bubuh gambar tak seberapa tu*

ok, dah update gambar.

Asparagus, squash, broccoli, sos tiram, garlic, ikan bilis, cili.

Tersesat!

0330hours.
I’m typing this at the hospital, in the registrars’ room. Karangan bebelan di pagi2 buta yg sunyi & gelap ini.

Baru skang boleh bernafas sket. Dari start kerja until now ada je menda. Admission la, IV cannulation la, drug order la, IV fluid order la. Metcall for a silly reason; the home team didn’t document that the patient was NFR/ palliative, hence sebab dia deteriorated so kena call the code. What a waste of resources simply because of poor documentation. Rasa cam bodo je masa called the family, family dgn terangnye ckp diorang dah prepare themselves utk patient ni pass away je, & ikut professionalism doctor apa nak buat coz family tak nak patient suffer or jadi vegetable kalau kena resus. Jadinye tak perlu nak buat apa2 in terms of resuscitation. Patient tu dah memang terminal.

How did I get to this hospital tadi? Ikut peta Melway. Dah la aku misplaced my car keys, so terlambat 10minit gi kerja semata-mata nak cari kunci.
Aku dgn confidentnye telah menghafal peta (macam selalu) & drive selaju yg boleh. Bila sampai kat satu simpang tu, cam biasa la confident tapi ragu-ragu (boleh gitu?) main jaaaaalaaaan je. Skali hah.. I didn’t know where I was, the area was really dark & quiet, and I started to panic. Looking back, aku sepatutnye drive terus instead of turning right kat simpang gelap tu. Aku terus mencapai mobile fon & called hubby to sms me the hospital number. Called the hospital telling them that I’m the new resident, didn’t kno where I was coz dah sesat. Jalan2 ikut direction diorang, seb baik sampai gak kat spital ni.. lambat 1/2jam. Ye, aku dah spend 1hour on the road looking for this bloody spital. Urrghhh!!!
Dah la kena parking kat luar coz HR tak nak kasi aku parking dalam. Takpe, mlm nanti aku nak try masuk dalam guna swipe card. I think I deserve parking dalam; aku terpaksa cover this hospital plus aku bayar parking kat the main hospital & diorang tak nak ganti balik duit aku kalau aku takde kat situ. Apa ke hal kan?

Okay, berbalik to this hospital. Its dark all the way thru. Sejuk. Tak tau apsal gelap sangat corridor diorang. Aku rasa seram la jugak jalan2 satu hospital kalau kena pegi to the different wards/ ED. One thing I like about this hospital is there’s multiple elevators that are working, tak macam kat my main hospital tu, lifts nye asik rosak je dah tu kalau jalan pon slow semacam. Alih2nye naik tangga je la. Hm… mebbie itu konspirasi pihak hospital supaya org guna tangga kot, coz byk sgt org2 gemuks kat spital tu. Sabar je la…

This hospital sebenarnye takde doctors room for night docs. Bilik yg aku duduk ni adalah bilik tumpangan ihsan pihak spital buat sementara waktu. Takde bilik air, katil, watever, except satu kerusi panjang & a few computers. Ada lockers. Ada doctors room seberang jalan sana tapi tak bleh dpt pager system so susah utk emergency codes. Apa ntah.
Hospital last week ada docs room yg agak besar + tv + toilets + katil + minum2 dalamnye. Spital lagi satu, the main one, dulu ada satu resi room yg besar with many beds & toilets & showers, ada tpt makan, ruang tamu, tv, computers. Tapi bangunan tu dah kena roboh to build a new hospital building nak kasi besar the hospital (about time, duh!). So junior docs terpaksa raid the consultant rooms yg takde kemudahan toilet or katil. So kucar-kacir jugak utk night docs to base themselves coz night docs ramai. Kalau ikut peraturan, its illegal kalau takde docs room for each hospital. Kira cam docs ni dianaktirikan la. Nurses ada their own rooms/toilets/lockers, cleaners & porters pon ada gak, so apehal plak docs takde kan?

Wah, panjang plak aku membebel pagi2 buta ni. Ye la, semuanye aku main phone order je. Kalau ada hal penting baru aku pegi ke wards semua tu. Yup, I still hate the pager.

Ya Allah, hopefully the rest of the night will be peaceful for me & the patients. Amin

1030hours
Aku dah dalam katil dah ni. Tadi balik patutnye amik masa 30-45minutes kot kalau tak sesat. Aku sesat lagi :'(
Apa menda laaa... rasa cam loser gila. Punya la hafal peta sebelum bertolak tadi. Tapi tu la, kereta banyak, papan tanda jalan punye la cinonet tu. Adoi..

Untuk menenangkan hati aku gi lepak kat Chaddy jap. Saja buat satu pusingan tawaf. Then baru balik. Rindu metro area setelah semalaman dok kat hutan simpanan.

Now masa utk tidooooo... (rugi betul kena tido on a beatiful day like this.. isk..)
Harap2 tonite is better & tak sesat lagi. Huhuhu.. Doakan aku people...

Yikes!! Kena tido jugak...

Ingat nak berjaga until 9am then tido, at least bleh la do a bit of the laundry since weather forecast kata temp max 20°, slightly cool but sunny. Aku kecundang just afta Subuh, around 6am. Terjaga plak kol 10++am even though aku paksa mata aku ni tutup lagi so that boleh bangun sebelum Asar jap lagi, tapi dia tak nak tido dah.
Aiseh.. mati la aku kerja mlm ni kalau tak tido for a few more hours before kerja. Dah la 12 jam straight, ward jobs which is intensely mad for my brain, aaand dengarnye takde resi rooms anywhere in the hospital so takde tpt nak rehat or buat apa yg patut. Drive plak 40minutes pegi coz malam, but 1hour driving back in the morning in the rush hour of people nak pegi kerja pagi2. Sebunye rasa hatiii...

Hubby dah pegi library in the city to do his work for GPM. We had a quick brunch. Mata aku ni plak dah cam segar bugar walaupon pening kepala, the weather outside is sooooo nice & beautiful.. rasa nak nangis coz aku tgh paksa diri to sleep now to wake up before Asar jap lagi. Rasanye aku terlelap kol 6am tadi coz lepas Subuh aku dok mentelaah buku ECG kot.
So rasanye, baik aku bukak buku tu lagi kan. Moga-moga terlelap tapi apa yg aku baca tu stick in my head =P

Everyone, doakan aku diberi kekuatan & selamat mengharungi 2 minggu yg amat mencabar minda & jiwa ni ye..
Ya, Allah...

All the best Adik

All the very best in ur preparation for exams
& of course all the very best for ur exams.
Doa banyak-banyak, Allah swt is alwiz with you.
Love, KakLong.

Aku tak tau dia active online buat masa ini atau tak, tapi aku doakan semoga he performs brilliantly in exams & semoga everything dipermudahkan for him to go through.

Tag makanan

Okay, ni tgh pagi2 buta, tgh berusaha nak stay up coz mlm nanti kerja. Yup 12hours setiap shift for the next 5nights, off a few days, then mlm lagi, then straight to morning. Utk ke sekian kalinye, bodo kan sapa yg buat timetable ni? Hehehehe. Memang slalu 2dys before night shifts aku akan dah start adjust biological clock supaya cukup tido before starting the first night. I've noticed that its getting more challenging now to get ready and definitely very difficult recovering from night shifts, that I now need more than 3days to get back on track. Semakin lama semakin penat. Huh.. now dah masuk training, means longer shifts at the hospital as more responsibilities on the shoulder.. tak tau la aku ni boleh tahan ke tak. Badan dah makin tua, otak pon rasanye makin mengah.. aaaiiii....

Walaupon aku lega dah abis kat spital sengal yg aku cover tu Friday baru ni, Spital mlm nanti adalah one of the other spital sengal yg associated to the mother hospital that I'm usually at. So I really hope & doa byk2 ni supaya aku survive this 2wks of kesengalan kerja kat hospital sengal. Aku benci (with passion!) kerja night shifts on the ward. I would rather night shifts in ED than on the ward. Dah brapa kali aku cakap aku tak suka kerja kat ward? Juta2 kali dah kot.. hahahhaa.. Aku belom bosan lagi ulang menda ni for many more times.. hehhehehee..

Anyways, patutnye ni aku study some bits for tonight, bukan merayau-rayau kat internet kan. Hmm.. tak berapa lalu la, nyah. Tgk webbie mekap lagi best kot. Sejuk sangat2 ni, terpaksa pasang heater. Oh ye, ni tag makanan from Lady of Leisure. Sabar je la, dia paksa aku buat tag ni. Hahahahahhahahaa... takpe, aku buat jugak (aku mmg suka buat tags/survey). Gua dah la tgh lapar ni, tadi dinner kol 9pm & now dah kol 330am.. aaaiiiiiii...
Here it goes, Lady =) Lady, susah la soalan-soalan ni, I love food!!.

1. Bagi 3 makanan yg korang paling suka dan sila bagi specific nama makanan tersebut and the way you like it.

• Of course kuah tempoyak yg mak slalu masak tu. Tak kisah kalau tak byk udang or ikan, yg penting kuahnye pekat sederhana, pedas, & takde daun2 yg tak diundang. Sedap dihirup begitu saja. Nyaaammm..
  
• Sate daging yg mak slalu beli each time aku balik M'sia. Sedap menjilat lidi.
  
• Kerabu yg mak slalu buat. Tak kisah, mangga muda ke, kacang botol ke, dedaunan yg aku tak tau namanye ke, jantung pisang ke, pucuk paku ke, yg penting mak punya paling sedap.
  

2. Dua jenis air apa yang paling korang suka?

• Air kelapa muda. Nak yg takde ais, tapi tak nak yg suam.
  
• Mocktails. Nyaaammm.
  

3. Which type of food yg korang prefer, pilih 3 sajo : Malay, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Western, Italian, Mexican, Arabian?

• Malay
• Gourmet food
  
• Spanish

4. Apa makanan yg korang paling expert masak? Dalam kata yg lain, takyah tgk resepi tapi at the same time bile org lain rasa, org akan kata "wahhh, gila sedap".

• Hehehehe.. aiseh, aku mmg tak pandai masak banyak menda. Tak nak perasan but my best mungkin (mengikut selera hubby cayang) soups esp. chicken soup, laksa kedah, nasi goreng cina, chicken/beef pie, chicken curry, thai minced meat in a cabbage cup, nasi kerabu, sambal, sayur goreng. Desserts tak pass lagi.

5. Semahal mana korang pernah bayar untuk makanan korang?

• Masa bday dinner Dr. MJ yg berselera luxury, kami pegi ke The Press Club in Melbourne city (owned by a very renowned Aussie chef, also one of the Aussie Masterchef's judges), per person kami bayar AU$120. Tercekik youuuu.. sampai skang bila fikir pon rasa cekit gak.
  

6. Beri nama restoran favourite. Apa makanan kat situ yg paling sedap?

• KL Tower revolving restaurant (lupa nama restoran tu). Semua la sedap. Terliur bila fikir.
• Kelab Darul Ehsan kat Ampang. Aku membesar having their food each time we eat out for a special occasion. Aku mostly suka the black paper steak + their mocktails + mini burger for kids.
• Chili's. Burger yg abah makan hari tu saaaaangaaaat sedap. Same with the beef steak yg hubby & my brother makan. I had lamb, I dont usually like lamb, but this one sedap!
• Black Canyon. The steak.
  
• Eden. Masa kecik dulu abah pernah bawak a few times, I remember having this huge lobster.. uuuuuu sedaaaaappppppp!
• Di kaki bukit Genting Highland punye restoran mamak. The best food ever: their tandoori chicken.
• Porgie + Mr Jones, in Hawthorn, Vic. The best breakfast ever, walaupon takde hashbrowns kegemaranku.
  
• The Water Front, at Crown, Melbourne City. The Deck, at Crown, Melbourne City. The Live Bait, in Docklands, Vic.
  

7. Ayam, kambing, lembu, itik, burung puyuh, burung wak-wak, rusa, landak, merpati, ayam denak. Mana satu yg korang suka?Kalau korang ada suka yg lain, tapi aku tak list, bgtau aje la.

• Aku suka Seafood, mainly fish, ketam, sotong, kerang, lala, atok. Haiwan darat sumer tu kurang sket, tapi kalau ada bedal saja. I've tried kangaroo, puyuh, ostrich, telur penyu & arnab.. aku sukaa! Kat Aussie ni slalu beli ayam/beef halal je coz malas nak cari & fikir nak masak apa. Teringin nak rasa rusa, landak, itik, belalang, kuda, unta.
  

8. Restoran/cafe pertama korang dating bersama pasangan? Dan makan/minum apa? Kalau korang ingatlah kannn.

• Dating pertama ever hanyalah di food court at Melbourne Central. Student kan masa tu.
  

9. Apa makanan yg selalu remind korang terhadap pasangan korang?Kenapa?

• Nasi lemak + roti canai, coz both of us are deprived of makanan sedap2 di M'sia mainly these 2. Nak buat sendiri tak best & malas. Hehhhehehe. Spagetti bolognaise, hubby hebat masak ni, lagi sedap dp aku masak, coz dia Aussie. Tart nenas & rendang, aku yg mula2 tak minat jadi suka sebab dia suka. Kettle's Chips perisa Chilli yg hubby suka sangat2. Sambal petai yg hubby suka, walaupon aku biasa2 je kat petai tu.
  

10. Kalau pegi rumah orang, korang selalu berharap orang tu hidang apa?

• Tak kisah, asalkan org tu masak sendiri. Tapi kalau yg tak terhormats tu, aku sanggup makan luar =P
  

11. Makanan yg korang mmg tak buleh nak telan langsung. Samada tak sedap atau tekak korang dah kembang.

• Yg ni the people who are close to me tau pasal ni.. makanan yg dimasak oleh yg tak terhormats itu (referred to a grp of 'ppl' sahaja okay).
• Makanan yg tawar & takde rasa, or yg hanyir satu macam. Tapi kalau dah kerja kat spital & takde makanan & kebuluran, makan je la yg tawar & takde rasa. Yg hanyir tu aku sanggup pengsan dari makan si hanyir tu. =P
• Siput sedut!! Dulu aku kecik2 aku makan ni, suka sangat2. Di suatu hari mak baru balik dp pasar tani & letak siput hidup ni dalam besen transparent & tutup atas dia. Aku masuk dapur & ternampak siput2 ni merangkak nak lari through the besen transparent tu. YUCKS!! Sejak tu aku tak makan dah, ada la dalam 15-20thn lamanye aku tak sentuh siput sedut. Setiap kali teringin coz nampak sedap, sure teringat peristiwa itu.. haaaiii... terus tak jadi.
  

12. Menu raya paling disukai.

• Laksa Johor.
  
• Sate, kuah kacang, lontong hijau tu (satu set).
• Roti jala.
  

13. Jajan/Cikedis favourite?

• Segala macam. Hahaha. Aku memang suka junk food. Especially Twisties perisa bbq pedas tu, kerepek ubi, potato chips biasa.
  

14. Beri dua makanan yg mak korang masak yang korang suka?

• Mana cukup 2 je. Hahaha. Tu yg kat atas tu dah lebih dari dua.
• Lagi.. sambal mak.
• Kari mak.
• Rendang mak.
• Roti canai mak.
• Bubur nasi mak.
  
• Jemput-jemput mak.
• Cekodok mak.
• Bihun sup mak.
  
• Bihun/ mee goreng mak.
• Kuih raya mak, especially choc chips yg menjadi kegemaran aku & adik aku masa kitorang kecik dulu. Hmm... rindu choc chips tu, rasa nak nangis.
  
• Dan lain2 yg mak masak yg last aku rasa 25th Sept 2010 hari tu or even before that coz aku kat sini :'(
  

15. Makanan paling pedas korang makan? Sapa masak?

• This Maggi Tom Yam masa dia mula2 kuarkan dulu.. Fuh! Tangkap nangis & muntah beb. Lagi satu, this cili yg aku tergigit.. jalapeno, member aku kasi. dari garden dia. Gila aaahhh.. aku kalau tergigit cili padi pon dah boleh nangis, inikan pula jalapeno.
  

16.Korang kalau jumpe org yg tag korang ni, apa agaknya korang nak hidang/belanja?

• Hmm.. tak tau apa. U nak apa Lady? I tak berapa talented masak, but if u come over I'll try to masak my best. Then I akan bawak u makan breakie kat Porgie + Mr Jones. Sedap wooo..
  

17. Sile tag 5 orang dan paksa mereka buat tag ini.
Tak tau la org nak buat ke tak. Tapi aku ingat nak tag mak aku & adik aku, agak2 diorang buat tak? Hahahaha. Selebihnye yg dlm bloglist aku tu AND korang2 yg rajin baca blog aku. Sila buat tag ini, tengok perut korang bunyi2 cam aku punya perut tak bila buat ni. Hehehehhee...

Sorry & thanks

I have to apologize that in the past week or so my postings have been a tad too angry & bosan to read. Mostly about work & how unhappy I am.
See, I dont really talk about work at home, the only things that I bring back home is my study stuff & professional development stuff. I tend to limit my talking about work with hubby coz our together time is already limited by my job ablone, so better to share the moments together with more beneficial things. Dah la kat kerja berjam-jam, kadang sampai 15hours incl. driving pergi balik, so takkan nak bawak lagi hal2 kerja yg tak significant to ke rumah kan.
I want to dissociate myself from work, when I'm with my loved ones.
Kalau nak vent out, will usually do it with my doctor friends coz diorang je la yg paham bahasa2 docs ni.

Like what I've written about this blog in my profile, this is my outlet for my head & my heart. This blog is for my family & friends, also for anyone who is willing to bear reading all the junks here, wrote by a complex person like me. Like anyone else, I believe I have the rights to say it all.. Tak mintak simpati atau comments, however apa2 komen membina amat dialu-alukan & dihargai. And so far, I havent deleted any nasty remarks, hopefully takde in the future. Thanks in advance.

Thanks for reading :)

~~~~~~~~~~

Finally its Friday

I felt sooooo angry reading this appalling notes written by the head nurse kat satu ward ni pasal me & another team member dalam a patient's folder. Despite ridiculous amount of time spent for us and the consultant explaining that we didnt want to have the family meeting, (part of the reasons would be against the patient himself wishes he doesnt want the family meeting to ever happen, palliative care team hasnt completed their assessment AND its very unfair on us to be put in a spot where we are basically needed to clean up the nurses' mess on the family), the meeting still went on.
Sakit hati aku baca notes yang written in such a way that people would question my and other doctors' professionalism. Diorang ni suka la dgn docs lelaki yg rajin melayan diorang & docs yg ikut je apa diorang cakap walaupon ntah apa-apa. Kitorang yg practice medicine ikut apa yg kami blaja kat medical school, constantly will have issues with nurses. Diorang dgn their own rigid ways, and since kami yg responsible of the patients of course want to do it the doctors' ways. Constant clash. Benci aku. And nurses memang hebat nak bully junior docs to do stuff that's unnecessary just cover their backs. And they are very good at documentation as itu yg diorang blaja in their nursing course. And the way legal system here works is in such a way that u seriously have to cover ur back first, without considering others in the team. They can be very nice to u outside, but if there's any clashes they'll team up & stab u in the back.. fush!!
My Aussie colleague who's also involved in this was going to speak to the director of the hospital and the hospital legal representatives about this constant bullying by the nursing staff. This bullying is ridiculously ridiculous and has to stop. I hope this will be fruitful, coz knowing her, aku rasa cam hospital mmg mcm malas nak layan since dia slalu bring up lotsa issues yg involve doctors ni. Tu la tadi aku join je dia kasi back up voice.

The ED boss that I worked with today was a junior consultant, baru je jadi consultant end of last year. Aku jumpa dia masa aku buat Paeds rotation. Seronok la jumpa dgn org yg aku suka work with. I told him about me just being accepted by ACEM & now in the training. Tak disangka2 dia kasi aku these 3 thick textbooks of the primary exams, dia suruh aku photocopy or habiskan study dalam tempoh seminggu. Aduh!! Boleh ke ni.... kena la aku berusaha lebih gigih minggu ni.. Talking about ED training, tadi aku baru teringat nak fax my signed contract to the BHH HR. Seb baik! Alhamdulillah dah selamat di sana.. harap2 semua smooth je la lepas ni.

3 textbooks yg kena abiskan dlm seminggu ni.. huwaaaa!!

Hari ni last day aku kat spital songeh ni.

Bawak camera just to snap pics kawasan spital ni. Kawasan sini memang cantik & menyegarkan, sayang working environment here is not as pretty. More aku terasa sebu on staying over here in Victoria longer for my training. Sayang.. sayang... Dah la ACEM keeps on sending flyers on continuing training in Brisbane la, in Perth la, in Darwin la.. hish.. hati aku ni rasa cam ditarik2 je nak pegi... Masa aku pulangkan swipe card kat HR, HR ckp hope to see u here in the future (nak bunyi sopan la tu kot coz last day aku).. aku senyum je jawab "Maybe..", dalam hati huhuhuhuuu.. HELL NO!! Hahahahaha...

One of the old wings of this hospital.

Kat parking. Nak masuk building frm here kena turun tangga
yg kat bottom left corner dlm gambar ni.

Hospital ni terletak di kawasan FTG, very close to the Dandenong Ranges.
Thats y byk bukit-bukau & greeneries.

Checked weather forecast kat internet this morning... 29°c max today, mcm kat KL 4,5 thn dulu punye temperature. Patut la malam tadi panas semacam, rumah kami yg besar kotak mancis ni memang senang panas. Konon-konon nak datang awal sempena last day, Aku lambat lagi gi kerja pagi tadi (mcm selalu.. hehhehe), and lupa nak pasang sunscreen kat kereta. Apa daaa... Obviously the car was reaaaaally hot bila aku bukak tadi, seb baik tak melecur tangan aku bila tersentuh satu plastic bit dlm kereta tu. Seb baik jugak my steering wheel ada cover. Kat luar bangunan sedap & nyaman tapi dlm kereta ayooo panasnye. Dah panas2 tu, tambah lagi hati aku yg dah memang menggelegak sejak pagi kan, makin best la drive balik rumah, makin seronok berlumba-lumba macam those hoons tu kan. Hehehhe..
Aku akan merindui nak drive high speed on these highways lepas ni. Hospitals selepas ni semuanye jalannye slow 60-70kph je.. haaiihh...

Kesian hubby teruk hay fever dia. Aku pon letih semacam tadi tak masak dinner lagi. Kami sama2 takde selera nak makan. Akhirnye hubby makan toasts, aku makan maggie tu pon tak habis.. letih sangat... :(
Glad its Friday & tomorrow aku off, my very much needed time off. Aku dah kerja keras 7days straight & I'm drained. :( cuti cuma sehari then nights Sunday kat spital lagi sengal dp yg ni for 2wks before starting my ICU term :'(

Dinner luar lagi this week.

Balik spital tadi dalam late afternoon. Hari ni peak temperature was 25°c, perfect for a picnic by the beach or in the park or di kaki gunung somewhere.. hehehe berangan je lebih ek.

Lupa plak nak bubuh sunscreen kat windscreen depan + belakang. Walaupon jalan dari pintu masuk building hospital ke parking lot was such a bliss, tapi pasal parking kat luar plus kereta aku kaler hitam, maka bila masuk je kereta.. WOW, PANAS!! Gila panas cam dalam oven. Terpaksa la aku balik lagi lambat 10 minit. Terpaksa switch on aircond, bukak tingkap, pakai SPF, dok kejap kasi cool down sket dalam kereta tu baru boleh gerak. Tak leh drive terus coz kepala aku throbbing hard masa mula2 masuk tu coz sudden change in temperature, kat luar vs dalam kereta hitamku. Seb baik bawak botol air, SPF & sunnies. Dah lega sket baru gerak balik. Masa tu of course dah peak hour kan, so welcome all the hoons on the road, mari berlumba-lumba di atas jalanraya :D.

Silap la beli kereta kaler hitam hari tu. Agak2 kereta merah menyala sejuk sket tak dari kereta hitam kalau dok tengah panas tu? Hmmm.. abah & mak tak suka kereta hitam, tapi aku blaja suka kereta hitam sejak aku tau hubby & Dr D suka kereta hitam.. Most org besar2 kat spital tu pakai kereta kaler silver coz kata diorang reflect cahaya so tak panas sgt. Betul la tu. Aku tetap suka kereta kaler hitam berkilat or metallic. Black is HOT!! Hahahhaha.

Coz the weather was sooo good, hubby ajak aku makan luar walaupon aku dah bersemangat nak masak dinner considering dah lama tak masak dinner. Lagi pulak, Chadstone tutup lambat hari ni (& tomorrow).. they close at 9pm. Well, we went to High Tea at Chadstone Shopping Centre (mana lagi kan). Its a kedai yg jual a wide variety of tea & its gadgets, dan jugak restoran jual makanan at teh same time. All in all ok la makanan dia. Mana ada restoran kat sini yg sesedap makanan kat Malaysia... yg ni pon boleh la skali skala. Walaupon sedikit sejuk & I had to put on my cardigan, kami makan kat undercover porch dia kat luar. Nyaman skali. Ada free music coz restoran sebelah ada pemain alat music main lagu2 kat luar restoran diorang. So kira menarik la jugak.

The massive parking lot at Chadstone Shopping Centre,
Ni kat belah yg ada Woolworth, banks, post office, AutoBarn, Fitness First gym, kedai urut...

One side of the huge Chadstone mall.
Tak tau arah mana utaraslatantimurbarat, hilang direction bila sampai sini.

High Tea restaurant that we went to, during senja time

My warm raspberry & lime tea. Refreshing.

One of the food: calamari with chili salt. Ok la.

Konspirasi orang 'atasan' spital

Sangat menarik, hari ni ada meeting from the accreditation committee of PMCV kat spital sengal ni. Objective ialah to find out if the hospital is conducive for training for junior doctors. Sebenarnye diorang nak tanya HMO2 tapi sebab aku cover & aku HMO3, so aku pergi je la. At least aku boleh contribute utk kesenangan docs masa hadapan, coz aku tak tau if aku akan kembali ke spital sengal ni ke tak in the future. Hopefully not, but if I ever do I hope it will be better. Aku harap they have been to the mother hospital of EH, and the other secondary hospital yg aku akan pergi next week covering. Because this particular body is powerful.

Aku suggested that they actually talk to my other colleague who I know has been having such a bad time doing her rotation there, and she's an Aussie & she has the nerve to actually voice out lots. The body wanted to speak to her & asked the HR to call her. From what I know the HR did their own discussion whether to allow her to talk to this body or not. And HR kata kalau diorang rasa minah ni sesuai to talk to the PMCV people, then they will call her to come in early. My colleague has been bringing up issues memperjuangkan nasib doctors to the HR's attention and HR keeps on ignoring her. Ye la, HR slalu kalau kitorang bring up issues diorang akan marah kitorang balik (they r good at twisting their words). Boleh tu ada konspirasi tak nak dia pegi meeting tu, takut la tu kalau kuar cerita buruk pasal diorang. Teruk betul. Haha. Well, aku called my colleague tu senyap2 & let her kno about the HR dirty work tak nak kasi dia ckp dgn these important PMCV people. I'm glad she actually went to the meeting & talked to them finally coz she actually came to work early in the arvo. Heh! From what I heard from her, she sed that these PMCV people are going to have a very important talk to the HR. Aku dah give my part of opinion about this hospital & the rotation, which I told them kalau cam gini in the future I memang wont recommend it to my other colleagues at all. Some other docs yg involve in the meeting tak berapa nak ckp pasal the hospital management at all.. bunyi cam takut2 je. Ye la, mostly org2 junior & byk yg IMG.

Teruk betul kan? HR kat public hospitals sini are sooo powerful that they berani pijak doctors. Most of the things that they make us do/ provided kat hospitals slalunye 'questionable'. Banyak dah contoh aku kasi kat my previous postings. E.g. lockers, staff toilets (slalu nurses akan bising kalau kitorang guna staff toilets on the ward, even tho kat pintu tulis 'STAFF' bukan 'NURSES ONLY'!), etc. At least aku tau yg ada independent bodies yg sound promising enuf to look after us.

Ada satu patient kat CCU (Critical Care Unit) admitted coz of rapid AF (atrial fibrillation) not responding to drug cardioversion and 4x DC shocks, tapi patient is slowly getting better & for transfer tomorrow. Si nurse 'bijak' ni tak abis2 paksa kitorang do something even tho cardiologist tadi kata all these current treatment are already sufficient for now, cuma kena tunggu some responses je. Si 'bijak' ni kata based on the numbers kena treat aggressively.. duh? Berkali2 aku & another resident kata tak perlu, lagi dia melawan, sampai initially dia just nak inform us jadi gaduh2 pasal dia tak paham bahasa. Siap ada lagi satu nurse tu menyebok plak nak sokong kawan dia tu, konon2 patient akan mati kalau tak buat something. Diorang ni nak bunuh patient tu ke apa? Ok la kalau dia nak amik responsibility treat patient tu, kami boleh je balik rumah tak perlu kerja. Last2 kami terpaksa call boss kitorang about this silly thing, and NO NEED TO DO ANYTHING FOR THE TIME BEING, that finally shut their mouth up. Puas hati aku. Ntah apa2, kesian boss kami terganggu ntah2 tengah buat angiogram kat patient ke apa2 yg lebih penting dp menda2 cam gini. Seb baik boss kami baik.

Apa lagi jadi kat spital tadi? Biasa la gaduh2 dgn nurses yg berlagak mcm they know-all, lebih pandai dari consultant. Memandai2 buat menda yg even my boss tak setuju e.g. memandai organize this stoopid family meeting for a patient yg refusing treatment and nak balik rumah, tapi pasal nursing staff malas nak deal with the family diorang nak lepas tangan kasi docs deal with the issue. Tahi betul. Yg hal2 kurang ajar lain tu toksah cakap la, kasi gua panas je beb!!.. like berebut computer dgn doctor, tak nak fax & photocopy stuff padahal tu kerja ward clerk, patient kena gigit nyamuk nak kena review, patient tak nak makan nak kena review, family meetings lebih penting dari actually treating patients, dan lain2 menda bodo. Sakit otak aku hari ni. Balik lambat hari ni coz nak settle hal2 remeh ni la.

Tu la tetiap hari we face all these things.. buang masa & mana la taknye healthcare system memang tak efficient langsung. Tak cukup docs satu, massive volume of patients satu, staff selain docs yg memang kurang pandai or berlagak-terlebih-pandai-tapi-sebenarnye-tak tu satu, funding for hospital satu, dan lain2 lagi impending issues.

Apa menda best berlaku hari ni? Makan free kat meeting tadi, lega dapat voice out our predicaments here to an appropriately doc-centered body & rasa puas kemenangan against the stoopid grp of people hari ni. Bwahahahahahha >:)

Our walk

Saban hari terpaksa aku menghadapi hal2 yg menyakitkan hati aku kat hospital tu. Nak cerita macam malas, coz nanti panjang berjela-jela. Last-last cerita jugak, and it will end up long even though initially malas & ingat nak jot down short & simple. Heh!
Cerita hampir sama setiap hari, biasa la aku kan. Dah aku menyampah dgn cara si hodoh-hodoh itu layan kami doctors asing, aku malas nak kisah hal2 remeh-temeh that dont help with my professional development, aku menyampah itu-ini. Semua tak best kan. Ward jobs memang tak best. Entry cam gini mesti Orang pon bosan nak baca.. hahaha.. kalau ada la org yg terasa nak baca. Hmm.. takde la semuanye tak best. Some of the colleagues yg aku dah biasa jumpa kat mother spital tu kerja situ which makes working there is bearable, & coz its an ulu spital the scenery is quite serene.

Oh lupa plak. Satu menda best yg berlaku hari ini ialah METCALL then it went to CODE BLUE, sebab the med reg's semua muda2 & kurang experience. ED consultant datang as the most senior ppl there. I had to go coz I was in the CODE team as a Critical Care Unit HMO. Ni la satu2nye menda seronok kat tpt kerja tadi.
Yg tak bestnye, ntah apa2 nurses still nak kurang ajar berlagak hebat kat situ. Masa that patient nak recover from the hypoxic attacks, diorang bleh je perli2 docs.. "So are we just going to sit here & watch the patient, without doing anything?" Bengong. Sometimes these kinda thing kita takleh agressively nak treat, hafta step back to let the patients recover themselves.
Hmm kalau kat spital besar tu sure ramai seniors yg datang help out & nurses tak brani nak buat onar kat situ coz when a CODE is called it means business and it is a serious business. I guess, being in this ulu hospital will force us to actually think quickly coz tak banyak support, at the same time toughen up as a person, also force us to learn the hard way perangai2 manusia2 yg tak significant ni semua.

Dalam banyak2 kesengalan tu, ada satu ward clerk yg baik dgn aku sejak 2nd aku kerja situ. Dia kasi aku muffin. Dia kasi aku muffin tu sorok-sorok, ckp jgn tunjuk orang. Waah, aku mmg syukur sangat coz by that time aku seriously dah lapar & dahaga gila sampai rasa nak muntah. Rasa nak nangis pon ada. Terharu beb.Dia ckp yg dia slalu kasi kat docs yg dia suka je.. haha.. dlm hati aku, brapa kerat sgt la docs yg diorang2 ni suka selain dp consultants yg diorang sucking up slalu tu. hehhehee. Dia jugak ckp kat aku slalunye ada cleaner sorang ni akan volunteer amik some munchies utk patients things like cakes, muffins, biscuits, etc. And dia sangat pantang kalau doctors rasa amik secubit. Kawan aku pernah kena marah gila2 pasal dia guna satu cawan kat tea room utk minum air sebab dahaga sangat. Eh, apa ke hal cleaner nak marah docs just because of that? Gila kan. Kitorang selalunye kerja non-stop sampai dehydrated gila & takde energy langsung, yg terpaksa curi-curi makanan tu pun slalunye sekeping biscuit besar limau nipis yg dipenyekkan je, bukan luak pon tong biskut tu. Tapi tu la, aku sangat terharu. Aku sorok the muffin panas tu on my lap masa buat kerja kat computer, then makan sorok2. Haai.. serious rasa cam anak tiri (aku nak perasan jadi Cinderella). Seb baik dapat gak secebis makanan.

Today was a very nice day outside. Max 20°c kot. Best driving back from work & cuaca panas. Aku pasang aircond half of the way, awal2 tu je, pas tu pasang kipas or bukak tingkap. Aku suka drive in this kind of weather. Pas tu drive laju2 along FTG road & Monash Freeway. Best, bahagia je.
Lepas hubby balik tadi, kami went for a walk kat a different neighbourhood then usual. Mostly kawasan Chadstone la mana lagi kan. Kadang2 kawasan jiran je iaitu Oakleigh or Huntingdale, rarely Ashwood area. Tadi kami pegi ke Mount Waverley, just jiran sebelah south east of Chadstone. Terkenal as a family neighbourhood.
Refreshing.
Tak amik gambar byk sgt coz saja nak menikmati the sun (but time tu dah sejuk balik dah), & we borak2 more this time. Ni je yg sempat, tu pun lepas this mamat senget naik beskal hon kitorang suruh aku amik gambar tepi lake kat Scotchman's Trail yg kami lalu tu, instead of amik gambar kat bike trail. Hehehehehe.. ye la, aku sedar salah aku... =P Tu haaa gambar kat sebelah ni lepas kena hon.

Ada a few tasik besar behind this semak-samun.
Hmmm... its more like a swamp to me by the look of it.

Along FTG (Fern Tree Gully road) inbound heading to Huntingdale road & Princes Highway.
Dah nearly 7pm, tak byk kereta dah.

Hari ni separuh-separuh

Tadi janji nak tido dah. Sambung balik tulis. Tak kira. Nak luahkan jugak hal hari ni. Tahan jap mata ok, hati sebu ni nak citer jugak.

Hari ni memang kepala & hati aku sakit sangat dgn nurses yg tak significant semua tu.
Seriously racist!! Boleh je diorang hempas2 file kat aku, cakap pon jerit2. Dah la mintak aku buat menda bukan2. Ada je menda nak kasi aku panas hati. Bodoh. Tu je la perkataan yg kuar dari mulut aku. Seb baik member2 aku di kalangan org2 M'sia yg study & sambung training kat sini ada buat rotation yg sama gak. And these doctors je la yg paham bila aku ckp bodoh berulang-kali sorang2 tadi. Si rakyat jelata yg tak bijak langsung semua tu boleh la buat kat aku cam tu coz tak suka la tu kat aku yg org luar ni, esp. aku pakai tudung. Ketahuilah wahai rakyat hulu, doctors di kalangan kamu pon tak hingin nak berbakti kat kawasan sengal kamu tu.

Hidup aku memang penuh dengan warna-warni, ups & down dalam kitaran yg sangat laju. In a matter of hours, it can be exciting, it can be draining, it can be very challenging, and then it will be blissful the next minute. Hari ni separuh-separuh.

Dalam banyak2 kesengalan manusia2 kat spital tadi, medical records belanja aku a large decaf latte. Tak sangka plak. Diorang mintak aku tolong clarify things yg the previous docs buat utk discharge summaries. Selalunye HMOs memang terpaksa buat jugak bila dah kena panggil cam tu. Kira cam kena mengajar orang utk coding la ni, which aku slalu malas nak pegi coz these other patients bukan aku tau pon so cam mana nak explain the diseases kat admin kan. Diorang pon satu slow sangat nak buat coding, so by that time kalau nak tanya kat the docs, they have already moved on to their next rotations. Anyways, dipendekkan cerita, they insisted on belanja aku coffee for the clarification session. Terpaksa aku terima.. hahahhaa. That made my day =)

Seperti biasa, driving back home from work is getting more challenging nowadays. Mungkin aku dah tua. Its getting harder to actually pay attention on the road coz aku akan sangat penat by that time. Most of the time driving back aku akan rasa keawang-awangan. Bahaya kan.

I was planning to go to Chadstone to get some groceries. Tak sangka plak matahari memancar dgn bestnye kat luar. I noticed I had to actually take my cardigan off coz panas dlm spital. Pagi tadi sejuk sangat, aku pakai berlapis-lapis coz slalunye tpt2 ulu ni sejuk than kat city/ or the main hospital. Dalam kereta terpaksa pasang aircond coz aku dah panas sangat.. baju tebal.

Didnt actually plan to eat dinner there. But I got that idea bila tengok matahari kat luar sana. So aku ajak hubby balik awal, walaupon ada nada-nada keberatan dlm suara dia masa aku call tu. He came straight from work to Chaddy. Aku cam kelentong dia kata I needed help in carrying the goceries coz berat. Hehehe. But we went straight to have dinner kat Reactor, makan pasta & pizza. Sedap! Ingat nak makan luar since matahari masih memancar, tapi maklum la Aussie ni sumer tutup awal. Most kedai now tutup at 5-6pm. Kat city je some restaurants tutup late night. Dah peak summer nanti baru nak tutup kedai 1 jam lambat.

Lepas dinner baru kami gi Coles to get my much needed Up & Go, bekalan wajib aku gi kerja setiap hari. Ada offer, so pulun la banyak2. Benda tu berat, so kena la ada tenaga lelaki waja tolong angkatkan gi kereta =P
Kelakarkan, balik ke rumah naik kereta lain-lain. Hubby drove his car, and I was in my car. Ye la, masing2 came straight from work.

Things that make me happy afta work =)

Things that make me happy, keep me sane, after work:

- having a good day at work.. yg ni mcm susah je nak dapat if purely cruizy day, slalunye campur2 & its up to me nak layan ke tak.

- seeing the sunshine after work =) sangat best. Kalau night shift, a bad night could actually feel better in the end bila nampak cahaya matahari memancar ikut tingkap ED tu. And terasa rugi kena tido afta that coz there's the sun out there. Tapi kalau shift evening tu takleh nak tolong la kan, slalu balik pon around midnight or later. Kalau day shift, kalau balik awal & hubby pon balik awal, sangat seronok dapat go for a walk with him enjoying the sun & the serenity it brings.

- driving on a half-busy road (tak nak la kosong sangat jalan tu) on a fast enuf speed limit.. minimum kena 80kmh. Kalau kurang dari tu rasa ngantuk sangat.. huhuhu.. Aku rasa aku masih bertahan kerja kat spital sengal ni coz most jalanraya aku kena drive 80kmh & 100kmh. Best, menyegarkan. =D

- seeing the people I love at home, even though sekejap. That, I know I'm not alone in this world. Aku semakin rasa my time with my loved ones semakin kurang.... Depressed gila masa kat whoop whoop dulu. Dah la tak jumpa hubby/friends, apatah lagi my family kat M'sia tu. Tangkap nagis woooo.

- getting to eat with the people I love. Like the dinner we had kat Chaddy tadi, even tho tak sesedap food in M'sia, but I cherish each & every bit of it. That dinner made me very happy. Love u hubby. To me eating is a social event, it almost feels like its not a responsibility to myself anymore. No wonder masa aku kat rural sana dulu, aku sangat cengkung like a walking skeleton. I didnt see the need to eat.

- getting to manage my 'restaurant' on FB. Hehehehe.. yg ni wajib! Satu-satunye timeout yg aku rasa perlu utk loosening up my tired brain =) Korang tak caya, cuba la layan gerai makanan tu. =)

- melayari laman beauty, skin, female stuff, yahoo u.s/u.k front page. Suka tengok gambar je. Malas nak baca tulisan yg berjela2 & kecik2 tu. Hahaha. (Tapi aku rajin plak bebel kat blog sendiri kan..)

- if I have enuf energy physically & mentally to actually do my studying after work. Yg ni very refreshing. Cuma aku dah jarang buat lately coz entahlah... penat yg teramat + jiwa kacau sangat2.

- and lastly but not least, most importantly, knowing that I'm still alive, still have a functioning brain, a good health, have a place to come home to, knowing my loved ones are safe & sound, still have the opportunity untuk menikmati kurniaan Allah swt... alhamdulillah =)

Panjang lagi list ni. Lain kali aku update =)
Time to tido.

Di sebalik hutan sana...

Ni karangan aku semalam while waiting to finish the shift at 830pm.

Sunday, 17^th October 2010.

At work, while waiting for the overnight person to come for a hand over of shift. Sedar tak sedar dah nak abis pon weekend shift ni. 2 days of working from 7lebih until 8lebih... Haaiii...

Memang aku menyampah gila kerja on the weekends kalau kat spital yg ala-ala ulu ni. I have been lucky in the past 2 years where kalau aku kerja weekends pon alwiz kat the mother hospital, where still there’s some support system kalau ada apa2 yg tak diingini berlaku kat patients. Memang busy gila berbanding dgn spital kampung cam gini, tapi at least there's alwiz support, whether it be learning or professional development or emotional support. Aku je yg suka komplen sebab busy & pasal nurses yg kureng bijak kat wards. Skang ni terpaksa plak cover spital lain yg hampes ni. The week after tomorrow even tak best coz kerja malam for 2 wks kat lagi satu spital yg lebih sengal. Itu la kerjaya HR, they have the power to control people's lives... terasa cam haiwan kat farm terpaksa la buat apa saja yg dijadualkan, walaupon secara tertulisnye apa yg diorang buat tu not legal.. but yet, doctors never get the workers' rights or the human rights yg dilaung-laungkan org tu.

Monday hari tu masa start kerja malam kat spital senget ni, aaiisshhh, memang tak best. Aku ni memang jenis yg cepat rasa tertekan kalau tercampak kat tempat yg takde orang, gelap gelita & senyap sunyi. Pendek kata, kalau aku kena kerja kat rural area where its excruciatingly quite & slow, memang aku rasa aku akan ada code blue in my brain. The memories kerja kat whoop whoop dulu memang quickly creeping back at me sejak start sini Monday ari tu. Ye aku memang tak suka kerja kat spital kampong di Australia ni.

Hari ini, Monday, 18th Oct 2010.

Seb baik the other teams dah datang balik. Senang sket nak jaga sumer patients yg ada pelbagai medical & social issues. Aku punye mood ok sket hari ni coz dah ramai org. Still aku tak suka kerja sini. Kerja sedikit okay than the night & the weekends, but still crap. Bersyukur jugak coz sejak aku kerja sini, ramai member2 dari hospital lama tu ada buat rotation kat sini, & jumpa new other docs, mostly my junior or the IMGs.

Terus-terang aku cakap, aku tak suka the ambience kat sini. Terasa aura ke-racismnye kat sini, esp. dari misi-misi kat sini. Walaupon tak semua, aku seriously terasa sebu bila kena berurusan dgn diorang. Aku pernah ckp dulu kat my other posts earlier... suasana kerja kat sini.. kalau kau new, pompuan, orang asing.. memang strike 3 lah oleh nurses/some patients & their families.

Hai... bila dah stress setiap hari cam gini, makin banyak la aku amik caffeine... hafta watch out nih.. kang hangus otak aku. Seb baik dah tua (sikit je!), dah blaja sket cam mana nak mask the stressed symptoms. Kengkawan baik kat tpt kerja je bleh baca muka aku kalau aku stressed masa kat spital. Eh, tapi, rasa cam setiap hari je aku buat muka kan... hahahaha.. takde lah. Still kena control ayu walau apa pun situationnye... menten doctor cun =P ahaks... (apa aku merepek ni..)

Ramai org kata the job I'll be doing in the next 2wks lebih merana (nights covering satu hospital kat lagi satu spital sengal tu). Aduhai... Aku cuma mampu doa setiap hari sebelum tido & bila bangun nak kerja so that kerja aku dipermudahkan & aku diberi kekuatan olehNYA menghadapi segala circumstances at work nanti. Kumpul doa/ zikir banyak2...

cartoon tribute to www.CartoonStock.com

Agak cuak

Haaa... menggelabah kau! Dapat phone call from the real estate agent kata nak buat routine inspection on the house. Katanye dah lama tak buat. Sini kalau rumah renting tu, memang slalu agent buat inspection (ikut agent jugak). Kena la jaga gak kan, rumah org. Aku yg tgh sibuk renovate restoran aku kat FB nun terkejut beruk la jugak. Terus lari ke shower, then lepas tu terus kemas apa yg patut. Baru 1/10 kemas tetiba datang si minah agent ni. Aiseh, tadi dia kata sebelum kol 12pm, tu haaa tetiba kol 1030am dia datang. Seb baik aku sempat mandi. Kelam-kabut gak aku, ye la dgn rumah yg sepah cam apa je, pas tu aku plak masak pagi tadi (tetiba rajin nak masak awal), adduuuuiii...
Selalu rumah kitorang kemas bila diorang kata nak ada inspection. Tapi kali ni kantoi la plak. Masa dia tanya dapat ke tak surat inspection, aku haaa je la, tak sempat nak fikir. Now dia dah balik baru aku ingat dia hantar surat sebelum kami balik M'sia hari tu. Aishhh.. Seb baik la dia cuma tegur sket2 je, pasal garden yg dah macam hutan belantara tu & some bits & pieces yg kecik. Agak2 dia paham la kot kami 'baru' balik from overseas holiday tu. Hehehehe...

Anyways, aku bangun awal gila hari ni, around 4+am. Terasa cam I had some interupted sleep last night. Rasanye pasal terlebih chocolates from last night visit to Lindt cafe tu. Aku rasa cam aku terjaga every 1/2hour je. Hubby pon bgn awal, tapi around 6am coz he had to go to this breakfast meeting at RMIT. Aku just temankan dia minum coffee before he left at 630am. Ye la, bukan slalu dapat breakie dgn hubby/ family. Teringat masa makan sorang2 masa aku kerja kat whoopwhoop dulu... selama 1 1/2 thn dok makan sorang2.. sedih wooooo...

Aku tetiba rasa rajin nak masak plak, so masak je la my femes chicken soup (aauuuwww), malam karang takyah susah2 nak masak dah. Esok kerja so mlm ni bleh la rehat2 sket (or study2 sket).
Tengah-tengah masak tu, masa tgh berdiri mengadap tv, adoohaaaiii la, I twisted my back.. again.. 3 days in a row dah ni. GIla sakit. Aku dok kat kerusi urut Shiatsu tu so ok sket la blakang aku ni. Tapi still some terrible pain going thru my legs each time I move. So imagine la masa aku tgh kelam-kelibut kemas apa yg patut lepas dapat that phone call from the agent. Aiiyooo.. so now rasa penat saaaangaaat... nak nap jap.
Harap2 malam karang bleh lat tido, esok nak kena bgn awal nih.. long shift both Saturday & Sunday (bodo kan sapa yg buat timetable ni?!)