Thursday, October 08, 2009
and so i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate school i hate
.
.
.
.
.
but i love u.
3:42 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Saturday, August 08, 2009
so i realised..as we grow up, simple things like friendships and relationships seemed more complicated than ever. And so it seems, one needs to put in that extra effort to make it work. Not to mention making them last.
Even though at the end of the day, you recognise these facts, its hard to do it.
At least for me.
Why. why do these things require efforts if it was meant to be? doesnt it make u question the very existence of meant-to-be, or rather fate?
is anything ever constant and lasting?
Gosh, life is surely full of surprises and ultimately, a quest for answers, indeed.
10:52 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
school's so urgent and packed and forceful! oh gosh, now times creeping up on me, seeing all the people graduating, im more pressed than ever to plan THE NEXT BIG STEP. and so.. after some research i realised the minimum requirement to apply for graduate studies overseas is 2nd UPPER, which was where I WAS but not where I AM.
so in short,
my life just sucks.
so in retrospect, i realised how deep and sad this blog has becomed, intentionally or not.Im not sure since when, all my emotions came down to being nearly merely negative. Truths are not meant to be uncovered, seriously.. they are too sad to know, who wants to live so realistically?
if i can only not stop thinking, stop deducing, stop looking, stop speculating, then again, am i merely speculating?
how do i say, but times have changed.
i am no longer the same, so is the world. only now, i feel like im in another part of the equation. i cant see what i used to see, i cant feel what i used to feel, i cant be a part of the equation anymore. and yet, the longing to belong to this equation is there, so strong a desire i cant brush it off.
the silence is deafening, and i cant see peace.
4:05 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Monday, July 06, 2009
there are times i tried to make it better, but it didnt get better. And even though it didnt, i tried to try.
But this time, somehow you just realised it doesnt matter anyhow.
Maybe its fate, maybe its predestined, maybe it doesnt matter whether you try to make a difference or not, because at the end of the day, we, humans succumb to the play of the larger forces.
Then what, is the true meaning of living?
How do i live better now? Teach me. Because i never felt it was so hard to breathe and be alive.
Not that i wished otherwise. Not yet at least.
1:41 AM muacksbisous :) Y
Friday, June 26, 2009
catfight. Bitchfight. Facebook war it is.
i guess im just finding something to be angry about considering how bored i am. But seriously, im f***ing pissed when i found out about the outing that they conveniently uninvite some. DAMN THEM. Then again, whats new right. Im getting a taste of whatever i had been preaching till this very moment.
Elitism.
I shall come up with my theory to pacify this piece of unexplainable knot in my mind soon.
That aside, im soooooooo in love with christian louboutin's heels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When can i own my 1st pair?? I can so sympathise with leona's constant screaming over them back at our tiny place @ lake george.sigh.
I dont believe im saying this, but school is so much better than staying at home. Arguing over cinematography of some artsy fartsy black and white silent film with a bunch of engineering students during tutorial was wayyyyyyyy fun-ner! I just wonder, why didnt i discover the beauty of film art earlier, now its all too late.
Im stuck with psychology, a passion that i was never intended for. God just doesnt let me excel in it, damn damn DAMN.
9:19 PM muacksbisous :) Y
turns out my plan to hit the sch library to study failed, and im still home :(
anyhoos, caught my 1st official holiday movie yesterdayyy!
AWESOMEEEEE :)
2:11 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
back in those days while i was in vietnam, okay not that long ago, but those were the days i was counting down to coming back to singapore, how naive was i!
i recalled tearing with ilyas at hanoi's visitor centre for some stupid reasons, and grumbling about how we hate vietnam and all, damn! Being penniless im vietnam was way much more tolerable than being penniless in singapore, what an irony!
Seriously, life cant suck more than being poor.
1:07 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
indeed, change is the only constant.
But more often or so, dealing with changes proves to be the more pressing and difficult task than the changes itself.
If the trip taught me anyything, it'll be how i suck at dealing with changes.
and beyond that, i feel more isolated from the world i once belonged.. Its almost as if literally when u take a step towards the new world, u'll miss a step in your old world. Everybody and everything seems further away from ur new found thoughts. How do i strike a balance between both worlds?
How do i find joy doing things that i once occupied my life with only to realise now how these same things mean nothing more than shallow.
Happiness.
It mean so different to different people. But i saw what i personally felt as true contentment in those kids, perhaps that is the kind of happiness that i shld seek for.
Being appreciative of what i have, being contented of where i am, being happy.
Yet the cruel reality is im back in my world, only this time, my position is wobbled. Once again, its about striking the balance.
A daunting task.
Who can understand? i only wonder.
11:02 AM muacksbisous :) Y
