Wednesday, November 27, 2013

6 weeks 6 days

Today Myla is the same age Pierce was when he passed away, 6 weeks 6 days, 48 days. It is has been an interesting almost 7 weeks filled with spurts of different emotions. Today reflecting on the last 6 weeks and 6 days I can't imagine losing Myla. We have been through a lot together in this short time. We are just barely getting started on getting to know each other. Saying goodbye would be so premature. But that is exactly what we did with our Pierce.

I think about the connection I have with Myla. It is so different than what we were able to get with Pierce. Having her home and being able to be with her all the time has allowed for so much more bonding. Lots of times I will be snuggling her, feeding her, rocking her while she screams and just cry thinking that these are all things I missed out on with my sweet baby boy. It makes me so sad to think of all the things I missed out on. I often think of all the future unknowns never realizing all the little newborn newness that slipped right through my hands.

Myla has started smiling. Something we never got to see Pierce do all though I am sure he was capable. It seems hard to learn to smile with your face all tapped up. Also in lots of different lights Myla's eyes are looking so blue. Still one of the things that bothers me most is not knowing Pierce's eye color. Maybe had I been able to see him in different lights I would have been able to see a hint of what his may be.

I feel like Myla has been here for a while. All this time we were back and forth at the hospital day in and day out. It was such a whirlwind and seemed to have all gone by too fast. Going through that same amount of time with Myla I realize how many days were filled with babysitters, tubes, drives, wires, resuscitations, hopes, prayers, dreams, diagnosis', and our sweet Mr P. It really was such a crazy time.

It is for sure different and amazing and sad all at the same time to be able to experience a newborn again. I feel so grateful for her, so glad she is here, safe. healthy. But then at the same time so sad for all I missed out on with Pierce and will miss out on as Myla tomorrow will hit 7 weeks, an age Pierce never lived to be.




Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Myla Newborn photos

We had Myla's newborn pictures taken on her 1 week birthday. Pea Junie Photography did them and we are absolutely in love with them! She did a great job, took lots of time and was so sweet! I couldn't pick favorites if I tried, they are all so amazing.
















My sweet, perfect "rainbow baby."



A "rainbow baby" is a baby that is born following the loss of a baby.

In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

The storm (loss of baby) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery. -urban dictionary

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Myla {first month)

I can't believe this little girly is already 1 month. I know time goes by quick and when I think about it for too long I cry. So, I try to just enjoy the moment and not think about how fast she is going to be big. I thought I would recap a little of our first month.

Week 1-
My mom came and stayed with us the day after I came home from the hospital. Koen had one more week off track. It was so good to have my mom come and stay so I could take a nap. She also did all my dishes and laundry...can she come back? lol

I slept on the couch this whole week while Myla slept in her bouncer next to me. This worked out well. My bed is a little high and hard to get in and out of with my incision. Plus then when I needed to hold her binki in I could. ;) I kept her awake more in the subsequent days {after night 1 at home} so she did much better at night. She ate about 12 and 4 AM but after the 4 AM feeding would take a while to go back to sleep and would fuss when her binki fell out. She was pretty hard to keep awake after daytime feedings, but we managed to see those pretty little yellow eyes. :)

She is a great eater and from about 1 week on has gone 4 hours in between feedings. I know I have a good milk supply so she is probably just eating more than normal per feeding. When I try to feed her closer together she gets super mad, wont latch and screams. :) I opted for going with what she wanted. She has been my best nurser so far. She is down to business when it is time to eat. She is super particular about her latch and because of it I got not one sore. Thank you little sister.

She was checked for her jaundice at 5 days old, it was still on the rise but not too high. She weighed in at 6 lbs 5 oz.  Myla spent lots of time getting snuggled by Grandma and an overload of kisses from her adoring brothers! She had her first bath at home at 5 days old and she loved her bloomin bath so much she fell asleep. So sweet.






 Week 2-
My sister came in town for my shower and got to meet Myla.

Grandma hung around for most of week two also which was fabulous company for mom and baby. :) Myla had her jaundice checked again at 9 days old and her levels were finally dropping! horray! She also weighed 6 lbs 9 oz. We went back to our normal routine with both the kids going back to school, man it is a juggle! Good thing Phil is taking Koen to school and Myla is usually up and feed by 8:45 when we have to take Brigs. It was for sure a rude awakening to have to get up and get kids ready when she was still sleeping. :/

Myla had her first outing where we went to see both great grandparents on Phil's side. I don't know how we only managed a picture with Grandpa Peterson, but we loved visiting. We picked up her beautiful hand made blessing dress that Phil's Nana and Grandpa gifted to us.

Not much else happened but a lot of dressing little miss up. She was a super content baby up to this point. Not a lot of crying. Loves her binki, but doesn't keep it in very good. So so sweet. We also still slept on the couch this week except for the couple nights Grandma wasn't here we slept in the guest room.




 Week 3-
Myla and I went to Bunco where she wore her mini costume. She also got to snuggle with Grandpa on the couch before we left. How cute. Myla had her first day of being babysat by Grandma when she was 2 weeks and 1 day. She was such a good little girl and slept the whole time.

Right around 2 weeks I stopped sleeping on the couch. I slept in my room with her in the pack n play for 2 or 3 nights and it was buggin. She was fussing a lot for her binki and her every noise kept me on my toes cause I didn't want her to cry and wake Phil up. So into her room she went. It is so much nicer. I leave both our doors open so I can hear her when she really cries. She has done a couple 6 hour stretches at night but mostly still every 4 hours day and night.

She really really loves the bath and only whimpers getting in and screams getting out! The in the bath part is utter joy. She doesn't even mind having her brothers help mom scrub her little head. Seriously though, the blooming bath looks and feels so cozy!

Still being super sweet and content and having a little more awake time. Brigs loves to "see her eyes." haha We also started practicing a little tummy time. She is totally happy to just chill with her face down! lol

She had her two week appt the day before she turned 3 weeks (we waited til our ped was back from maternity leave) and was 7 lbs 7 oz. She is growing right a long. We also found out there that she has breastmilk jaundice which is why her eyes are so yellow. Koen had this too. It is probably caused by factors in the breast milk that block certain proteins in the liver that break down bilirubin. She said one day we will wake up and realize "oh she is pale" and it will be gone. haha Everyone does always comment on her "beautiful coloring." haha Funny that it affects 0.5% to 2.4% of newborns and run in families...where do we get this weird stuff? lol






 Week 4-
This week started out great. Phil and I were even able to take Myla to a movie when she slept the whole time and didn't even get out of her carseat (what my germ a phobe self hoped for :) Then on Sunday things started to get a whole lot louder! She started screaming for a couple hours every day (usually night) and did so for most of the next week. I seriously kind of think it could have been from the amount of sugar I was eating....lots of Halloween candy! lol I kinda felt sick so maybe she did too! haha

This week we put away all the Halloween clothes and are getting a move on the newborn ones before she is too big! She is still wearing both newborn clothes and newborn diapers. She is super alert when she is awake now and mostly content during the morning and early afternoon. She stays awake for about an hour at a time.

Phil asked is she was ready for the prom on the day she wore the chevron dress. Silly dad. Doesn't he know how long I've been waiting for my own personal doll. :) Really though dressing her up is too much fun!



Week 5 {first half}
We tried out the little bath in the tub so she could take a bath with Mr. B. He thought it was super awesome. She liked it, but not as much as her tight cozy bloomin bath. As Brigs would say "Where is her bow? She looks like a boy." (whenever she is bowless, haha)
The day before she turned one month I put on the dress we brought her home from the hospital in. She is so much bigger and more alert. And oh so beautiful!
I thought it fitting to take a picture of her screaming. She really is doing a lot of this! haha Hopefully it doesn't last too long!
Myla was one month old on Sunday. #goingtoofast #slowdown