Flowers

So my birthday was some time ago (July) and I turned the big 2-8. {seriously can't believe how close I am to 30!!! Funny I use to think that was so old and I needed to have _____ & ______ accomplished by then. Now that I'm closer I still feel so young.} Anyway Phil gave me these amazing flowers that just kept on living. He bought them for me while I was at camp and they sat looking fabulous as ever on my counter for 3 weeks. Aren't they amazing. We didn't do much for my birthday considering it was a crazy week but these flowers and a lovely card were a perfect gift. I am all about him getting me small and simple "I remembered" gifts. I mean really most things I want I buy. :)

Busy Busy! Lava and Ward campout

Wow more than two weeks since I last posted. That is a long time. Probably the longest time since Little P passed away. Since then I have been a writing fool. Well we have been BUSY BUSY! AND it isn't going to slow down just yet. So I thought I better catch up on the things that have kept us going for the last two weeks.

Lava Hot Spring-

Every year we usually go to Lava Hot Springs with my family but this year we are doing Disneyland(right around the corner) So we were very happy when Phil's family decided to do Lava for our family trip this year. We stayed in a really nice and big house which accommodated us all! It was really fun to be together and have a common area to visit once the kids where down.

We went Thursday-Sunday and hit the pool for a whole day, the river, the ice cream shop(my fav) and played a ton of volleyball in the backyard! (Phil and I def felt that the next week! ha) It was a really fun time, and you can tell we were having a lot of fun because we hardly took any pictures. :) I had it out for like 1 hour total! haha Phil caught a few more on his phone.The kids loved playing with their cousins and exploring around the huge property. Thanks so much to Phil's parents for taking us there. It was a great vacation.

Movies, crafts and games!

 

 

 Cute craft Nana and Grandpa brought for the kiddos, Brent made P's

 I may have enjoyed the salt dough as much or more than the kids. ;) I made a depiction of the rattle snake from Strawberry and a little person on a waterslide. lol

Blue faces and thumbs from yummy car treats!

Ward camp out-

This past Friday-Saturday was our ward campout. It is the first time we have been and it was a lot of fun, minus that we couldn't have fires which made after dark difficult. On the way there we decided to take a little fishing trip. We stopped at Jordanelle and all though it wasn't successful, the kids thought it was fun. Sleeping in the tent with the kiddos went pretty well. There are definite perks to the kiddos getting a little older. I think next year will probably be even better. The older Brigs gets the better he will sleep in unfamiliar places. Some of our favorite neighbors have this great tent trailer and Brigs loved it (ME TOO!) and I think we might just have to put that at the top of our list of "wants." That would make next year even sweeter! ;)

 

What's on my mind

The baby/child loss community is amazing. Really, people are all linked together and lots of people know about lots of other people. It really is so nice to have people who understand how it feels to live with out one of your children. It is something that you can't understand unless you are living it. You can imagine all you want (or not ;) how it would feel but the reality is so different. I have made some amazing friends that I am grateful to know, just wish it could have happened under other circumstances. ;)

Sometimes I get on kicks of blog hoping through friends of other Angels. I will look through tons of peoples stories and cry for them, and then a little more for me. It is really crazy the trials that people are given. I am just amazed at the things that some are called to bare during this earthly life. Sometimes when I read them it makes me anxious and a little crazy thinking of what else could happen to our family." Life is hard" I tell myself. It is supposed to be. If it was easy what would we be learning? Although really a lot of times I wish it could just be easy and always enjoyable. :) Or maybe that I could pick what hard things I thought I could handle. ;)

There is currently road construction going on RIGHT in front of the entrance to the cemetery. It is kinda like knowing you can't have something, makes you really want it. Well, I really NEED to go to the cemetery and it is buggin that I can't. I am thinking maybe we will take a walk over this afternoon. That would work.

Also yesterday I was thinking about a lot of the things I am blessed with. I am grateful to have so many blessings. I love the times when I can think of all of my blessing and it really out weighs the sadness of missing Pierce.

We have a 1st grader on our hands!

Full day school?!?! Whoa! This was something I was more than a little nervous for. All day long under other people's influence. All day away from me. {tear} It is totally sad but I am happy to report that Koen is LOVING school. That has never been something I could say before now. Just barely he came and told me that is what he wanted to write at the end of his all about me book, "I love school." He has a great teacher this year and his bestest little friend Tessa and him are in the same class. I am so excited and happy for him. I hope he continues to love it.

We have gotten into a nice little swing of things with getting up(he isn't an early riser ;) and doing homework. The first week I might have thought those 2 things might be the death of me, but they are for sure on the up! Yahoo!

I was at girls camp on his first day of school {tear, again} but Phil is an amazing dad and I had no worries about him getting him up, ready, packing a lunch and taking carpool. :) I am sure it saved me a lot of tears. All day is just so long. Luckily he hasn't said anything about it, it is me that is noticing. haha However I have enjoyed having some one on one time with the B-ster. He is one piece of work and we are having a good time. Glad Koen is too!

more

Today in the car I was thinking about how bad this sucks. I tell you I go through moments of just thinking "forever someone from my family is missing. I wont see him do this or that. Even when my kids are all grown I/we will still miss him."  I was thinking about how everyone has to deal with death, and it is never fun, but I still wound up thinking that most people get more than a few hours, days or weeks. I wish I had more memories. Instead of having memories, I just think of all the missed opportunities to create them. It is hard to create tons of memories when your baby lived in a hospital bed. :( Death just really really sucks. Especially when it is someone who could have had so much life ahead of them. I had hopes and dreams for him. For us. Things that couldn't be accomplished in a mere 7 weeks. I feel like we are all missing out on so much. Me, Phil, my boys and Pierce. I wonder if he is sad about it. I wonder if he sometimes wishes things could be different. That he could be here with us. One of my BLM mom said something on her blog about how she tries to focus on the time she had with her baby and not all the they are missing out on. I feel like that is just a really hard thing to do when I had 7 weeks and am missing out on that times 1000. Another had this song on her blog. (Carrie Underwood "See You Again") I love it. I totally cried. "I'll see you again, this is not where it ends. I will carry you with me, till I see you again. "

Summer Time FUN!

I love summer. Love it. This summer has been as crazy as ever. I feel like we are running around to and from somewhere and I keep wondering how we ever did it last year with a baby in the hospital, a funeral and those first few months of intense grieving. Although Koen has now started school we had a fabulous time when he was out and have still been trying to live it up when he is home! 

*We've been wearing out Pierce t-shirts and so have others! I love when people send us pics!

 Friend Jaime and fam and Lynds who already had a race commitment on Pierce's race so she wore her shirt for her run!

*Celebrated my mom's birthday up at the cabin. We tried to get some family pictures. Too bad Phil had to work and my nephew Dillian lives in Oregon. It actually makes me feel better in a weird way when other people are missing from pictures because I feel like someone from my family is always missing.  :(

 I do love this picture of my family. 

*Lots of going out to dinner. Phil and I love food. I have certain restaurants that I just love. Now that are kids are getting a little bigger and are much better behaved we have been going out to eat FAR TO MUCH! And Phil has a new phone so he needs to take pictures every time! haha

*Spending time at Nana and Grandpa's with cousins. I may or may not have stepped in fresh dog poo and Phil probably thought a picture was necessary. 

*Lovin the summer rainbows we've seen that remind me of my baby. "Lord make me a rainbow I'll shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors."

*Swimming and Splash pads! Funny I don't have any pics of us swimming cause we've been TONS! Lots of 7 peaks and even more time at our pool!

 *Sleeping in the buff after swimming' :)

*And just having a fun time!

 Apparently I was taking another picture...haha Koen looks so cute though. 

*And as a funny side note if times get rough we will live on dry cereal and fruit snacks! :) Thank you weekly ads! haha