Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Screen Wipes?

After consuming more drugs than Keith Richards I'm beginning to feel vaguely human again... Now to get this work finished...

Have you ever considered making a guest list for your own funeral? Ummm... What! It's the drugs! ;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I Blog There4 I AM

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

That Kinda Day...

Yesterday was crap... I've got the Man Flu... Which translates into, attempting to work from home while slipping in and out of a coma and expecting the Priest to arrive at anytime to deliver me my Last Rites... which interesting I believe the Catholic Church have now tried to re-branded/old-brand "Anointing of the Sick"....

Umm... Why? Is it so they've got more work to do? They could put a Priest in every Surgery. "Father, any chance of a quick anoint, you see it's these Piles, playing me up just rotten they are..." I assume the applications for paediatric departments wouldn't be short of a few volunteers!

Anyway, I digress. So there I am, at my PC, 'Word' loaded (incidentally I hate 'Word', what a load of crap, why can't everyone just use 'Excel'!), a whole plethora of what seem meaningless notes at hand, attempting to write a report of some value.

Guess I shouldn't of tried, to tired. You know when your heart is willing but your mind really isn't? Write a sentence, delete, re-write, delete again, change a few words, delete, re-write and it takes thirty minuets to complete a single line. Move onto next sentence, repeat above, complete and eventually after a few hours finish the paragraph. It seemed to take me a whole day to write a single seemingly legible page. (Hindered obviously by the fact that after about an hour of splattering my VDU, almost everything became illegible anyway!)

Then frustration kicks in, late, tired and frustrated I re-read said partial offerings, what a load of complete Tosh! Delete it all and give up.

Retiring with a few Malts to help me sleep last night, today, still snotty, but a little more rested, it's time to do battle once more with 'Word' (I wonder if there is a copy in my recylc bin, surely it couldn't of been that bad!)

Wish me Luck ;O) (I know, some might say writing anything legible even when I'm on top form would be miraculous!)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Saturday, January 26, 2008

A Ticket to Ride...

OK... The challenge is on...

The Great Travel Quiz.... Here....

The score to beat, 469K, Level 11 and a travel IQ of 122....

(Dave & Becky, start up your keyboards!)

If anyone gets to Level 12, let me know!

Oh and for my readers state side, the USA only covers the relatively small (pinkish), area on the left about a third of the way down... (OK OK no more clues... ;O) )

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Friday, January 25, 2008

Phone call From Daddy....

I Loved this... :O)


Ring - Ring

'Hello ?'

'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'

'No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'

.
After a brief pause.
.

Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'


'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.'

.
Brief Pause.
.

'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'

'Okay Daddy, just a minute.'

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

'I did it Daddy.'

'And what happened honey?'

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!'

'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'

'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'

.
.
***Long Pause***
.
.
***Longer Pause***
.
.
***Even Longer Pause***
.
.

Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?'

:O)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Friday, January 18, 2008

No... Fork Handles...! (x by a few!)

Fcuk me that came around quick, again...

Yep, yet another birthday... (Still Thirty something, just). Time, I can't help it, when I think about time I can only ever remember what Groucho Marx said.. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana" :O) (Oh and its the Title of a marginally good book to, here...). And I know what your thinking, I must get my handsome chiselled good looks because I share my Birthday with the late great Cary Grant right?!

Anyways... Drinkies tonight in St.Ives with a few girls and boys then back down South for the weekend, with entertainment laid on courtesy by some of the old Posse... (Yes I've booked Monday off as holiday to recover :O) ) Hey, very few women admit their age, but even fewer men act theirs ;O)


OK, a Birthday Joke, have a laugh on me...

A Zoophile, a Pyromaniac, a Murderer, a Necrophiliac and a Sadomasochist are all sitting together in the lounge area of a Mental Institute...

The Zoophile says, "I know, lets all shag the cat"
The Pyromaniac says, "Lets shag the cat, then set it on fire"
The Murderer says, "Lets shag the cat, set it alight, then break it's neck"
The Necrophiliac says, "Lets shag the cat, set it alight, kill it, then shag it again"
The Sadomasochist says, "Meow"

What! I really made me laugh... :O)

OK OK I'll leave with you this... Needs sounds... Eddie Izzard... This is so so funny...



"It takes a long time to grow young" - Pablo Picasso.

Ciao Ciao
Confused and just a little bit older, from Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

AWOL

Migraine... Bad One...

Fuck... :o/

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Monday, January 14, 2008

Dead Cat or Alive Cat...?

OK let me explain... Firstly you need a Living Cat... Something cute like this...


Then u need some cyanide, a big mental box, a gieger counter, a trigger and some decaying radioactive material. Hook up the gieger counter to the trigger so it releases the cyanide if while measuring the decaying radioactive material a single atom is released (allow a sample size of radioactive stuff equivalent to a probable 50% chance of success/failure). Place the cute cat in the Metal Box along with the other equipment, secure the lid and leave it alone for an hour.

Now, because atoms kinda occupy two different space times places (What! Sorry I'm not really up to speed with the correct Quantum Physics Lingo!), one state when they're being observed and a different state when they're not, we have a paradox depending on whether we see the state of the Atom as being observed or not observed. The cat which would die if the cyanide was released (the observed state of the Atom), now too occupies the space time of the un-observed atom as well as it's normal physical state. The Cat is Neither Dead nor Alive!


The reason I posted my over simplistic explanation of the Schrodinger Cat experiment is because at the weekend I found myself trying desperately, and unsuccessfully, to explain it. So for all you out there that still believe life is simple, your either Dead or Alive, a proper explanation can be found Here (Wiki)....

Yep... Beats me to... (And that's probably why I only got to chapter three of a Brief History Of Everything, accept how I managed to marry a good looking woman, by Stephen Hawkins, then I found listening to Take-That albums less boring!)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Friday, January 11, 2008

I am Legend

A few years back I read one of those special unforgettable books, one that keeps you gripped from start to finish, enlightening, insightful and thought provoking, the autobiography of Sir Edmund Hillary, The View from the Summit.

In it he describes his complete life story, from being the first man to ascend Everest, to the lose of his wife and teenage daughter in a tragic aeroplane crash. He does this all in a very understated, humane and modest fashion. Which I’m sure reflects the personality of one of the greatest men of the 21st Century, one of the very few last true adventures.

Alas though, and very sadly, today this great great man has died… Here

His Autobiography ends… “There is so much still to do”… Well not now Sir Ed. And may you rest in peace, we are not worthy of the legacy you left us.

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

PC Post...

OK a polically correct Post... Not factually encumbered in any way. A Post in a fashion not to be at all genetically discriminating, nor gender biased with niceness deprived overtones, and that should not exclude those of whom might unfortunately find themselves metabolically challenged.

Furthermore, a post that in no way is biased towards melanin-impoverished; people of the mutant albino genetic-recessive global minority and also is not discriminative against any peoples who might be continuously intellectually impaired, economically marginalized or engaged in nontraditional espionage. Furthermore it doesn’t exclude any persons uniquely fortuned on an alternative career path, nor any gravitationally; visually; aurally; vertically; or ethically challenged persons. In addition, it does not exclude anyone altitudinally endowed, uniquely coordinated, certified as a past-life regression hypnotists, motivationally dispossessed, chronologically gifted, non waged, over-under-attractively gifted, bipedal, socially misaligned, PE Teachers or any persons who are just reality challenged.

Ummm.... OK Nothing to say now... Dum Dum Dum.... OK So thats was just a stupid Idea...

Right, has anyone got any idea what the Yanks are getting themselves all excited about with this election rubbish and the debate on who's gonna win...? BBC News Here...

We all know who's going to win in the end... The person with the support of the American Oil, Arms and Tabacoo Industies... It's not very complicated is it!

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I AM

Saturday, January 05, 2008

The Only Two Good Reasons to Hate Al-Qaeda

Up until very recently, I could honestly say I’ve had a fair degree of sympathy with Al-Qaeda (Oh come on, they have had rather a bad press!). Throughout History, whether British, French, Spanish, Italian, Germanic, American, whoever, whatever, society has evolved with the use of force, sometimes terrifying in the pursuit of its cause. (The Phrase, ‘One Man Terrorist is another Mans Freedom Fighter’, the use of Nuclear weapons on Hiroshima and Nagasaki could also of been described as 'Terrifying' for their inhabitants, etc.etc.).

I could kind of understand the motivation behind their bombings, suicide attacks and flying the odd aeroplane into buildings. The actions are designed to make a statement against the West’s fiscally greedy orientated societies, to ‘Terrify’ us, and a very compelling argument could easily be formulated in the defence of their actions. The US and British support of Israel over the past 50 years that has directly resulted in the death and persecutions of hundreds of thousands of palistiniens would seem a good starting point for just a little dissatisfaction with Western Foreign Policy.

But any sympathy I might of had with their cause has now been lost… I am now officially pissed off with Osama and his Gang, Period… B’stards!

Why…?

Well, the first reason is they stole my new Zippo! OK, so they didn’t actually steal it, the grumpy gestapo at Gatwick Airport security took it from me when I attempted to check in last week for my flight to Spain. But never the less, it was only twenty-four hours old, and taken from me, apparently, as directed by the increased security measures at all UK airports because of the perceived risk from terrorists.

Though, strangely, as I am sure Richard Reid could confirm, normal Gas filled cigarette lighters are allowed to be taken on aeroplanes! And even stranger still is that in none of Gatwick Airports Security Propaganda does it mention their total discrimination against Zippo lighters. Is Osama winning his anti-American capitalist fight? It appears so, as rival European/Chinese manufacturers, 'Dunhill' for example, with their gas filled lighters appear to be coincidental winners in 'The War On Terror'!

Well, that’s reason number one for my anger, the confiscation of my new Zippo. OK, so it might seem a little weak, and agreed not really a very convincing argument to base ones hatred upon, but there is another reason, a bigger one.

The true reason I’m now completely livid, the reason January 2008 is now going to be completely crap for me is because of recent linked Al-Qaeda terrorist attacks in Africa, the ASO have cancelled this years Dakar Rally! Detail here… WTF!!! Tossers!!!! Not a happy bunny here I can tell you... This is what I'm missing...!

Needs sound...


Osama, you suck, not even Tony Blair would of stooped this low to make everyone's life so miserable!

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am