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Sunday, December 4, 2011

who would know i'd end up here again this year.

i thought i was happy enough, but i guess i was wrong.

can i re-emphasise the things that i hate most:
1. being cheated
2. being accused

i hate the feeling i get when things like these happen. i thought i wouldnt have to go through all the pain and uncertainty again. but boy i was wrong.

they were right, things changed. they changed. he changed.

all the excuses, all the accusations, all the double standards.
they are starting to get me down. it sucks big time. i feel so worn out.

i thought it was exams pulling my mood down, but i suppose not. i think i'm tired of worrying. i'm tired of living up to expectations. and i'm tired of feeling cheated and accused.

i cry, not because i am upset.
most of the time, i cry because i am indignant. or that i am just too fucking pissed to utter a word anymore. it is supposed to be an act of protest, not a sign of weakness. my glands are hyperactive, that i admit. but i can't help it can i? WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO BE SEEN CRYING.
but it seems like you think otherwise. stop trying to stop me from crying. don't you know that you end up making me cry harder? AND I DONT CRY TO ATTRACT ATTENTION. i just need to get all those horrid emotions out.

and it seems like you are more interested in helping other people than salvaging your own.

i know right, things aren't as perfect as they seem.

Monday, January 31, 2011

damn fucking pissed.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

things are getting awkward when they shouldn't be. i want to ask but i'm scared of the response. what if that jeopardised our friendship. 3.5 more years to go eh.

oh well, i shall just wait then. so it wouldn't be my fault this time round.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

ok i swear this is damn stupid. i had to change my password for the nus portals. and i kept changing and changing and changing but the bloody system kept saying that my passwords do not fit the security criteria.

and i got irritated.

after a while i decided to try it with his name. and voila,

your password has been changed successfully. WHAT THE FUCK. now i can't change it until next sem. brilliant weini, you do the smartest things sometimes -.-

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

i feel like just breaking down and cry.

or just die.
(i think this is my first suicidal thought)



if anyone is reading this. i've a will in my other blog drafts. it contains all i want to say/ give.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

i like the distance; it helps me let go.

i told them that when they see those things disappear, i'm free from my own mental clutches. they laughed and call me a stupid little girl.

but i guess i'm going to give them a scare next tuesday; for i removed everything. and i mean every single thing. no, i didn't exactly remove them, i just remove them from my sight. the lesser the memories, the better it is.

for everytime when i think everything is fine and going on well, some little bird has to come and whisper to me. to tell me that all i'm doing is dreaming. nothing is real.

it seems like for every day that i'm happy, it is accompanied with 3 days of sadness. why. must be bad karma.

this time i am going to practice self-discipline. i'll do it. i'll keep quiet. i'll not annoy. i'll just stay in my little corner.

my little corner where i'll draw circles. and pretend i'm non-existent.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

so i've made my choice. and i guess, no one can change my decision right now.

am deliberating if i should have told people, but on hindsight, maybe letting things stay as it is, will be better.

i like having time to think and process. time will help us get used to new ideas.

and time will allow me to cram more things into my head.


i don't understand how i could sit so calmly and watch the asian games for the whole fucking day. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.