what can i do to make you trust me?

ahhh. oh well. i just have to keep praying.

thanksgiving was good. sk and i got really high during the deco-preparation, especially with the spray paints. thank God for her, or i'd have died. haha. and i thought serena's and elena's sharings were really meaningful.

kept having throbbing headaches. everyone's like falling sick nowadays. bacteria and viruses are having new year parties. TAKE CARE OKAY!


there she goes
7:49 PM



i was doodling and drawing flowers on my diary a few hours back when i felt a stinging sense of nostalgia. man i missed those zig pen tattoo-ing days with helen!

i miss art.

something is lacking in my life these days. something called momentum, that driving force which brought me to greater heights back in my alma mater. in art, that is.

maybe that's why nowadays i'm often afraid to make the effort. i'm always trying to hide, to conceal. there seems to be this constant fear in me that whatever i used to have is slowly fading into nothingness. a lack of confidence.

and for 5 years, this fear always seems to grow stronger whenever the momentum stops.


i need to get it back, before all is lost.


there she goes
12:43 AM

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian! Art 92% Psychology 92% Dance 83% Theater 67% Journalism 67% Sociology 67% Philosophy 50% English 42% Mathematics 42% Biology 42% Anthropology 42% Engineering 42% Linguistics 33% Chemistry 8% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

there she goes
11:05 PM



i thought this was rather thought-provoking:

where's the baby?

two women, dressed in their finest, were having lunch together in an exclusive restaurant. a friend saw them and came over to greet them. "what's the special occasion?" she asked. one of the womenn said, "we're having a birthday party for the baby in our family. he's 2 years old today." "but, where is the baby?" the friend asked. the child's mother answered, "oh i dropped him off at my mother's house. she's taking care of him until the party's over. it wouldn't have been any fun with him along."

how ridiculous - a birthday celebration for a child who wasn't welcomed at his own party! yet, when you stop to think about it, that's no more foolish than going through the Christmas season, with all of its festivities, without remembering the One whose birth we are supposed to be honouring.

and that's the way many people celebrate Christmas. in all the busyness - the party-going, gift-shopping, and family gatherings - the One whose birthday they are commemorating is almost completely forgotten.

during this holiday season, in all of your good times with family and friends, make sure you don't leave out the Lord Jesus. give Him the honour He deserves.

- richard de haan

Jesus shall take the highest honour
Jesus shall take the highest praise
let all earth join heaven in exalting
the name which is above all other names

let's bow our knees in humble adoration
for at His name, every knee shall bow
let every tongue confess, He is Christ God's only son,
Sovereign Lord, we give You glory now

for all honour and blessing and power
belongs to You, belongs to You
for all honour and blessing and power
belongs to You, belongs to You
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God.


oh man! i really wanted to go for TA2's christmas fair! but my mum suddenly msged me today to go home after band to accompany my dad cos he's ill and there's no one else at home. felt quite bad cos i had to pangseh xin an again. sorry! anyway, GET WELL SOON PAPA. fall sick just before christmas somemore. sigh.

to jasmine: high class kopi someday yeah? must ah. and don't worry too much k? (: haha.

to everyone: MERRY CHRISTMAS! may we embrace the true meaning of this joyous occasion. and all i want for christmas is you.


there she goes
10:07 PM



'we sit silently and watch the world around us. this has taken us a lifetime to learn. it seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. the young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. it is a waste, for silence is pure. silence is holy. it draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. this is the great paradox.

time passes, and gradually our breathing begins to coincide just as it did this morning. deep breaths, relaxed breaths, and there is a moment when she dozes off, like those comfortable with one another often do. i wonder if the young are capable of enjoying this. finally, when she wakes, a miracle.'

oh man. i just think these 2 paragraphs are so nice.


there she goes
9:19 PM



to sw: just to let you know that i treasure and value our friendship so much! i had a great time today and THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. thanks for being you. you rock my ny ankle socks! (:


no more cold metal. no more getting food stuck in my teeth. NO MORE ULCERS! mwahahaha.


there she goes
8:36 PM



i've got heaven on the inside of me
peace and joy God has set me free
heaven is a reality
abundant life flows out of me
i've got a smile on my face
a glide in my stride
tasting His grace
and i'm walking by faith
i've got heaven on the inside of me
i've got heaven flowing out of me
i bring heaven into this world

joy~~ joy~~
i've got such joy in my heart
i've peace~~ peace~~
i've got such peace in my heart

i remember the day
it all began it was the day that i was born again
an explosion took place on the inside of me
it was the Spirit of God
setting me free!


i love this song! i typed everything out myself, hope the lyrics are correct.

=))))


there she goes
1:20 AM



woah i'm finally back from the CAMP MARATHON. i slept for 15 hours straight! after flag day last night.

yeah i was very very tired. i fell asleep on the bus yesterday and knocked my head super loudly on the seat in front of me. how embarrassing!

band camp was really tiring. but i left with a sense of achievement, and with much determination and hope. so it wasn't as bad as i thought it might be afterall. by day 2 my lips and ulcers were already hurting like crazy. that's why i almost died during our ensemble. but i REN-ed all the way and played the best my lips could allow me. haha.

ooh. and i played the moulin rouge solo! my first, and hopefully not my last. quite exciting la, but it was rather nerve-wrecking. i thought there could have been room for much more improvement. great experience though. must thank people like the coolest SAXTION elissa nicole poon weiqin for all the encouragement. THANKS. =))))

I SMELL COTTON CANDY. mmm. sweet sweet aroma.

i miss our saxophone family! especially the st pats saxtion. still remember there was this afternoon when mr glosz shot at us 2nd altos during combined full band with st pats and i was feeling kinda demoralised. i was having individuals after that, and people like haziq and andrew knew i was struggling so they came over to encourage me! SO SWEET. they're such cute and nice people. =))))

especially "S.R. NATHAN". he has become my personal source of inspiration to become a better player. woah his fig.11 is imba. hahaha. yeah. so now i must work even harder for rhapsody man! i musn't fail my section again.

anyway, church camp was, well, even more tiring! i guess it was the fatigue accumulated since band camp. plus the stress over the food and the money. yes the camp money. i had been holding on to over 1000bucks during the entire camp. carrying it to meals, games, shower and even to sleep.

had this mini "class outing" to vivocity to buy food with julien zheeyen huiyan and ah seh! despite my throbbing headache, i had loads of fun. seh was so funny please! we were laughing all the way. yeah. and i think he changed alot. from that quiet and bo-chap guy in class years back, he had changed into this caring and sweet brother of ours.

glad to know a few people better during this camp. i'm so proud of bryan.. the main actor for our group skit! mwaha. gareth and i were fretting over who to choose for the roles during 1st day and boy i'm glad we made the right choices! and gosh i must really applaud yinjia. she did so much! (: and the comm for planning everything from scratch. thank God for these people man.

WHO ARE WHO ARE WHO ARE WE!
WE ARE WE ARE WE ARE HU!

haha. GRIN.


there she goes
9:20 PM



sajs kids so cute. there was this little chubby boy in my section called benjamin, who was quite annoying but very cute. haha. i taught him warm-up patterns! woots. i can't believe i was actually teaching someone since it's always the other way round. sekali i teach wrongly. GASP. o.O

but that's not the point. the point is, i was showing him how to play the low C sharp and guess what? he was like, "hey! why you puff your cheeks? i thought we're not supposed to do that?" uh-oh. JAG. haha. er thanks for telling me man. maybe i'm just not ready yet la. AIYO.

then i was doing the clapping for one of his pieces and he told me to stop clapping!! cos there was a pause in front and he got lost. i clapped correctly okay. haha. he just needed more time to get his rhythm correct. but maybe it was also partly my fault cos i was inexperienced.

oh and during lunch i spotted pear among the councillors. we got quite excited and started blowing kisses at each other for fun. benjamin saw and shouted, "you are a lesbian!" rather loudly and indiscreetly. but i knew he was joking la so i wasn't angry. hur hur.

but i kinda saw myself in him. he reminded me of my struggles, my fears, my weaknesses. weird huh? to see yourself in someone who's 8 years younger than you.


i miss karma chalet's starry skies. how i wish i could go back to perth and stare at them forever, my eyes interlocked with those celestial gifts of God that sparkle and shine ever so abundantly.

happy birthday sk and uncle sebastian! (:


there she goes
3:52 PM



ooh the bandroom keyboard is so cool. esther and i tried toinking rhapsody fig. 25 on it for fun. saw the piano scores and they're freaking difficult! so many taogays. "more black than white", tp would have said. hur hur. what 2 pianos/4 hands. o.O

then we tried playing fig. 25 in many different funky beats. IT WAS CRAZY. so totally un-classical please. and we danced to the tune of fig. 25 as well! CHINESE DANCE. float on water. we were quite graceful okay.

my grandma always tells me i should go learn dancing. she thinks i've some hidden talent for dance cos i always do really wacky and impromptu dances in front of her (and no one else). but i'm really lousy so don't make me dance for you. haha.

morning noon and night in vienna is so nice! (: esp the beginning cello solo.


there she goes
8:50 PM