this week has been pretty bad for me so far. and it's only tuesday!

i kinda got singled out by mr glosz yesterday during tuning. i don't know what went wrong with me, i just suddenly couldn't play my tuning note properly. and my old reed was chipped so i was using a new one. he heard my horrible note and started telling me to do this do that. i was just so frustrated/worried/ nervous/bewildered/embarassed. i laughed it off and told ansley and esther that it must have been the "monday blues" but in actual fact, i felt absolutely depressed. sigh.

whatever lah.

then today, i woke up late with a stomachache (and no, john chew, it wasn't big aunt or whatever you called it). must have been the grapes i had eaten the night before. we were supposed to have sectionals (very important, cannot miss) so i kinda dragged myself to school despite the on-off pain.

sectionals. sigh i feel damn guilty. we were supposed to practise our ensemble pieces. the slower piece was okay, but there was this fast-paced one which i had trouble catching up with the rest.
due to my lousiness, a decision was made to abandon that piece. ahhh i feel so bad! i feel like i'm hindering the saxtion's progress. SIGH.

you know, they even considered letting me play baritone sax for that piece cos the notes are easier. i tried lah, but it needed too much air from me. so the plan failed. on a brighter note, just now we kinda went out of our minds and started exchanging our instruments for fun. so i got to try bari, tenor and sop! the sop sax looked super delicate in yisiong's hands haha. and people started laughing at us. okayyy. but i still prefer my alto sax to everything else. sorry lah! (:

anyway, i'm feeling kinda feverish now. ahhhh. i think i'm falling sick. maybe i shouldn't have gone for the blood test just now. i can feel the heat on my wound. and mind you, my stomachache hasn't gone away yet. *frowns unhappily*

so that pretty much sums up the past few days of my holidays. hopefully the following days will be better.

ohyes. i also wanna say thank you elissa! for making me feel better yesterday. and thank you yyj! you're like the only one in band who really really understands how i feel. chins up okay? let's continue smiling to the world like nothing has ever happened.

oh and have i said this before? i LOVE the saxophone feature in fantasy variations! (:


there she goes
8:54 PM



i think i have a thing for kitkat chunky. my new addiction of year 2006. reminds me of my sec3-4 years when i was absolutely crazy over m&ms. haha and siyi was my m&ms partner in 4/14! i miss her. i miss 4/14. okay i'm starting to feel sad again.. oh well. a new chocolate addiction, a new school life.

oh and how could i ever forget ice cream! jiahao said he'll buy me an ice cream factory when he becomes a millionaire (highly doubt so). i bet he was being sarcastic as usual. bleahh.

haha and i think my love for ice cream is quite obvious. the comm gave me bnj ice cream vouchers for my birthday. and eudora was saying cos that day during steamboat when uncle sebastian gave out ice cream, i was like woaahh and then happily ate non-stop. oops. i didn't know i was that obvious.

speaking of eudora, coincidentally, she'll be going to china from 3rd to 10th june! we were so amused when she told me just now. i think i'll laugh if i see her at the airport lah. hope we will, so we can send each other off and welcome each other back. hahaha.


there she goes
11:18 PM



yayy i'm so proud of myself. i've finally completed the august concert poster! i guess now it's up to them to decide whether they want it or not? i've already done the best i could so i've nothing to be ashamed of. and that's actually what i've learnt after all these months in band.

haha. and guess what? the more i look at it, the more i like it. ohno! hahaha.

WORLD CUP'S COMING! it's time for the soccer frenzy once again.


there she goes
11:53 PM



I AM GOING TO PERTH!!

can't wait to stay in karma chalet. can't wait to breathe in the fresh air and view the picturesque sceneries of the sky, the sea and the forest. having sectionals in the quiet forest sounds fantastic too! ahhhh. it's like a dream come true to stay in such a peaceful place, away from the city.

can't wait for lessons to end so we'll be released for holidays!

anyway, GO ME! i can do it! i must try my best to learn as many pieces as possible. fantasy variations' definitely out of my list thank you very much. i'll be happy enough to get through arsenal.

ahhh. i have some insect bites on my feet and on my quadriceps. they're horribly itchy and the feet ones kinda hurt because i think the stupid insect(s) bit into the bones. it's really bad. those bites don't look normal and mosquito-bitish. and no time to see doctor also. oww.


there she goes
10:56 PM



well, band retreat's over and it wasn't really what i had expected it to be. i guess hafiz's accident really had a strong impact on me. andrew was damn right. even though that night miss ho announced that he was alright, but what probably mattered more to hafiz was the aftermath of the injury, not the pain and the blood lost.

and now without him, i'm more stressed than ever. what vp said was so true, you'll never know what's going to happen until God blows the whistle for full time. i was already close to tears during the saxtion talk. and so was ansley. but thank God for that singing session. it miraculously lifted my spirit.

hafiz. TAKE CARE and stay strong okay. the whole band will always be behind you. i know it's really saddening but hang on! things will be back to normal someday. and one day the saxtion will welcome you back with open arms.

ansley. have faith girl! don't be too disheartened by what he said. you can do it and i have absolute faith in you. and THANKS for your help and guidance, esp. during this period of time. all the clappings, the "1, 2 and breathe!", the encouragement. boy i really admire your patience. thanks and BE STRONG.

xiaowei. thanks for those encouraging words you said that night under the stars. they really helped boost my morale. thanks for believing in us. you must jiayou too! ruth has told me how stressed out you are. and sorry for pangseh-ing you and ansley to sleep in the bandroom.

alison! thanks so much for being with me during the camp, esp at the time when i was feeling down. thanks for accompanying me throughout the night. walking around school, listening to band music from the mp3 on the track until we fell asleep, bathing late, going to 7-11 with me at 3am to buy food. you made me feel much better. LOVE!

last but definitely not least,
eunice! gosh i was so worried for you on sat can! i know i've said this the upteenth times but we must JIAYOU okay. studies, band, your pre-u seminar, and everything. not forgetting the fanfare. i've come to a conclusion that as long as we've tried our very best, we have nothing to fear, not even him. (you know who lah)

on a brighter note, iCtalent was superb! eunice and i skipped dinner outside with our retreat groups just to go support yee hsu. and guess what? he won 1st place! solo category. we're so proud of him, s15's very own rockstar. 500bucks in the pocket and a year worth of lessons with lee wei song and co. OWNAGE!

i must say this.. who's that siaodingdong who set an alarm with a sadistic happy tree friends tune and didn't switch it off!? it woke me up at 6plus! the worse thing was, the phone was somewhere in the pile of shoebags above my head and it kept playing every now and then, sending chills all over my body. addison (i think, too dark cannot see) and i finally couldn't stand it and tried searching for that thing. but couldn't. ahhhh! eerie.


there she goes
8:57 PM



band retreat, here i come. (:

they want me to quit band because they think i'm neglecting my studies. (which is true, but it isn't only because of band, but mainly because of my lack of enthusiasm for academics) they have no idea how important band has become to me.

i already knew from the start that this journey's going to be a tough one. it's not easy at all. ah well. perservere on dot! my strength comes from Him. and for studies, i really gotta pull up my socks man.

anyway eunice and i got a shock when we saw david's msg about shawn fainting. thank God he's alright now. to shawn, the s14 male: TAKE CARE OKAY! don't overwork yourself. we still want to listen to your stories. (:

oh and here's another shoutout: LEQI! dot misses you. i haven't talked to you since the band concert! all the best for cricket okay. you can do it girl! UP AND ON. (:

not sure whether they will see this, but hope they do.


there she goes
11:34 PM



a week more to the june holidays. LOOKING FORWARD TO IT MAN. we need a break.

i miss the secondary school lifestyle. i really miss the late-afternoon-after-school carefree feeling back in nanyang. the school compound wasn't completely empty as there were always random people around but i was able to find peace almost anywhere. (despite the high stress level in sec4)

i remember those moments of strolling around school for little talks and chitchats with a friend or two. i remember those late lunches with classmates or aepmates in the quiet canteen. i remember walking slowly to popular and back to the artroom with fellow slackers. those peaceful moments without much distraction.

but now, somehow the college always seems to be flooded with people at almost every single corner and sometimes it's just so hard to find peace and quietness anywhere. it's also hard to find a good place and good time to have a good talk with someone. and i'm not really a crowd-person you know. crowds make me feel lost and insecure.

i was pissed last friday cos the esplanade was suddenly and unusually crowded with people.

boy am i grateful for those benches outside the sc. all those times spent doing individuals at that place were really memorable. despite the fact that the whole cafe/gallery can probably hear us (which = embarassment), but it is actually one of the more peaceful areas in school for me. it's an area of significance for me, really.

speaking of significance, over the week, animations medley has become significant to me too. i was just going through the piece in my head during math yesterday and tears suddenly sprang to my eyes. luckily i stopped thinking about it or else i'll probably freak people out again. thinking about animations just reminds me of this rocky phase in life i'm going through and with loads of things not functioning smoothly.

which reminds me of what brien said last week. he said that nothing is constant, not even sadness, and there're probably some lessons to learn from all these downs in life. however a lame person he can be, but man those words are so true! and as what teck said during class, when God gives you lemons, make lemonade.


there she goes
5:19 PM



oh my oh my. KENNY G. SIMPLY ROCKS! i think i'm falling in love with his music. JAZZ! he plays the soprano sax by the way. wow. he must have really strong arms, because the sop sax is heavy. i tried playing it before, and my arms were already trembling after a few seconds.

and i have, like, FIVE of his cds. come look for me if you want to borrow them okay? you will never regret it. hehh.

i went for my first full band prac today! thank God hafiz was playing with me. i think both of us are really extreme. he plays super loudly because he used to be a clarinettist. on the other hand, i play quite softly. sigh. i need more air. and i was having a bad tummyache just now. must have been the sugar roll i ate this morning.

anyway, we tried out a new piece called 'imagine'. and i was so happy that i was actually able to play it! i mean, i usually suck at sight-reading. haha. hope we're playing it for perth! (:

after that was narnia, then animations medley. tried my best to keep up with the band, but couldn't at times. especially when there are running notes or semi-quavers. nvm, it's okay. i'll just have to practise more! my sight-reading has improved a little but there's still a LONG way to go. it's like my ultimate weak-point. must overcome it man.

esther freaked out during animations cos she had to play a sop sax solo. (replacing andrew cos j2s are not going perth) it was her turn to be stressed out. and i was telling her, "you can do it! if i can do it, you can do it too!" not that i was really able to do it, but hahaha. i also freaked out during a point of time when moses koi kept saying that the saxophones needed to be louder. yes yes, my fault. i've really got to work on my volume. ansley was saying that i could do much better. yes i think so too.

at the end of the day, i realised i have so much more to learn. kinda stressful, but hey! at least i had fun today! ah well, i'm going to hand everything to God. yeah man!

randomness: i'm allergic to seafood! sad case. my throat and lips get itchy when i eat prawns. my lips will redden when i eat crabs. and i've no idea what's gonna happen to me when i eat other seafood.


there she goes
9:02 PM



found this in my archives!

study = no fail - (1)
no study = fail - (2)
(1) + (2):
study + no study = no fail + fail
(1 + no) study = (1 + no) fail
therefore, study = fail


there she goes
12:33 AM



i shall aim to banish depressing entries from the face of this blog.

shall talk about... wan leng and pear! OH MY GOODNESS. they can sing really really really well. no kidding. they're like, POWERHOUSES! seriously, if i could sing like them, i would really quit school to pursue a singing career. perhaps go sing in some cafe like what szu xiang did. and we have so many good singers in our class! they should all go form a singing group or something. or class choir.

can't wait for wan leng and pear's council campaign. they're going to sing and mesmerize everyone with their beautiful voices. when i say beautiful, i really mean beautiful. today i was relegated to merely a listener as 2 of them plus eunice sang songs at the fitness corner. i couldn't bring myself to sing in front of them because my singing is simply pale in comparison with theirs. and they were so humble okay!

aiyah. some people just have the talent. and coincidentally it's the talent that i've always wanted since young. but too bad lah, i just don't have it. i'll probably just create more noise than music if i open my mouth. and the world doesn't become a better place because of my singing even though i love to sing.

anyway, i'm having mixed emotions regarding perth:
1) i have no idea whether i'll be allowed to go or not.
2) even if i can go, i don't know whether i can learn all the pieces in time AND sound good.
3) i feel that i'm letting down the saxtion cos alto sax 2 will just DIE with me.
4) i'm scared of pulling down the high standard of the band with my horrible playing.
5) the trip sounds like a whole lot of fun and i really want to go.
6) but i'm afraid i'll end up being depressed due to all the reasons listed above.
7) and i still have no idea whether i can go or not.

AIYOHH. what most have learnt in 4-5 years, we have to learn in 4-5 months. you can't deny it, but it is stressful.

okay i shall not wallow in self-pity. sax is waiting for me in my living room. thanks jiahao for helping me and eunice carry instruments. but he should thank us too cos he probably feels more mascular (and masculine?) right now.

oh! the flowers eef gave are blossoming! he gave them to everyone in the saxtion. high class white roses (<3!) and white lilies with water tubes at the end of the stalks. i named mine "dorthy". so pretty okay.

randomness: i miss mr ellis and mr lim and mrs teo and ALL THE AEP GIRLS! mr ellis' funny and animated jokes during v&c. mr lim's lameness. not forgetting his revolution. mrs teo's CRAZY ANTICS. those 4 years in the art rooms...


there she goes
8:53 PM



i'm devastated. i've already broken down twice this year and i think i'm going to break down again any moment. it hurts so badly. like a knife scraping the surface of my heart. thanks for adding on to my suffering. i feel so damned messed up. why are things going so wrong?


there she goes
9:08 PM



i can't believe i'm seventeen already. and it's such a beautiful number.

found out that mychelle and john chew are fellow man u fans! yayy so cool. mych promises to watch world cup with me during the perth trip. can't wait man.

i'm starting to miss s14 again. i realised i was a more cheerful girl with s14 during 1st intake. but now, i'm retreating into my shell and reverting back to my quiet and moody self like in sec2. even endorphins in the form of kitkats or strawberry oreos fail to lift my spirits. i'm talking lesser and lesser, even though i don't talk alot in the first place. i get distracted real easily and sometimes when i talk to people, i feel that i'm just opening and closing my mouth and i'm not there mentally. i'm becoming an introvert and please lah, i'm so not a sanguine. i guess i'm really tired. tired of bonding and making friends, something i admit i'm not really good at. i was really really happy with s14, and i was all ready to spend the rest of my jc life with that class. but you know what happened in the end. it's not that i dislike my present class. i like the people. it's just that i'm tired of putting in the effort just to be disappointed and hurt in the end. it's common sense that the more you love something/somebody, the more pain you feel when that something/somebody hurts you.

am i making sense? sorry if i'm not. if you can't understand the concept, you can come look for me and i'll slowly explain to you. haha. err. -_- and seriously i feel like quitting school and studying at NAFA. it will probably be as tough as jc life, but at least i'll be enjoying what i'm studying, unlike now when every lecture and tutorial is a torture to me. however, like i'd said before, i love SAJC too much to quit. and i'm definitely not giving up band and learning how to play the sax. afterall, the real thing is going to begin for me right after the 5th may concert. (abit slow but better than nothing) if only life now could be all about playing the saxophone. no no that's too impossible and selfish.

ah sigh. i really have no idea what to do. i guess right now i should really keep these in my prayers. shall ask sarah and elissa to pray for me too. i know this is really late, but THANKS STELLA for listening out to me that day. (dor misses you loads!) in the mean time, i shall go and find out more about courses at NAFA. will probably drop by SAM and the esplanade too. it's been a quite some time since i went.

anyway i cut my hair! looks like crap but at least i'm more cheerful. okay shall go do GP essay. hurh how ironic.


there she goes
8:51 PM