happy birthday to me! (:

and many others in this world.


there she goes
11:53 PM



THANK YOU MARILYN! (: i'm so touched. SMILES.

to eunice and alison: let's JIAYOU for perth okay!! we can do it!

had individuals again today! this time eunice wasn't around, so it was down to alison and me. didn't self-prac yesterday. so my sax must have missed me truckloads cos it started going way sharper than usual. too high to see me already.

anyway i'm so proud of myself. i managed to play "hot cross buns" with alison's oboe! don't laugh. it's an..erm.. achievement okay! my very first oboe piece. hahaha. i'm starting to LOVE the oboe sound. it sounds so much like the soprano sax. (which is so lovely) and the oboe embouchure doesn't give me ulcers, unlike the sax..

BUT

i still love my alto sax to bits and pieces. (despite all the painful ulcers it has bestowed unto me) in fact, i'm harbouring a dream to buy a pretty silver saxophone sometime in the future so i can play whenever i want to. LOADS OF CASH NEEDED. that's why it's called a dream.

anyway, so alison and i were practising away. animation medley, gulliver's travels, amazing grace, random notes, more hot cross buns? eugene came up to us and said he could hear us from the toilet. he said we were sounding good! and thanks eef for the advice! symphonic band techniques huh. -grateful-

and speaking of gratitude, i must really thank the SAXTION people who has helped me in one way or another ever since i joined band. especially my SL! i still remember 4 months ago i couldn't even produce a sound with the mouthpiece. and i still remember that day when he told me to consider switching to double bass.. i felt so down then. but i didn't give up. my SL didn't give up on me too. and my section-mates were really nice and encouraging, helping me again and again. especially esther! always explaining stuff to me during full band or sectionals despite having to play herself. then after 1st 2months i got to know the rest of my seniors and they helped me too.. reassuring me, giving me confidence and making me feel part of the saxtion. those things may seem trivial, but they mean alot to me.

thank God for these people.

last but not least,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTELLA AND RACHLEE! (:
aiyah shall also take this opportunity to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all OG13 and OG19 saints! <3


there she goes
10:25 PM



i played animation medley yesterday!! not everything but parts of it. okay. i bet no one here knows what on earth i'm talking about. yeah yeah! so exciting! i finally know how to play that favourite tune of mine! that tune that never fails to make my hair stand and make my heart stir.

anyway individuals were cool. eunice and i were so excited that there was no gp and we could go for individuals way earlier than usual. haha and the first thing we did when we entered the band room was to head for the percussion instruments. hahaha.

eunice and i tried playing deborah's flute. super hard okay! i could only blow a feeble concert B-flat. i like deborah's tone. tried playing shiok's and pam's clarinets too. and people like hafiz deborah and brandon started taking my alto sax to play. i've always loved trying out different instruments. (think alison's oboe) i guess it's because i've never had a chance to properly try out every single one of them, unlike many people.

i went back to nanyang today! i was having a bad day and that was the only thing i was REALLY looking forward to. JANET SARAH KAIXUAN! i missed you guys so much! and i'm still missing you guys right now. i realised how much i miss the sense of security i felt in nanyang. and the jc system so doesn't suit me. if it wasn't for the love for the school (and band), i'd have quitted school and gone in a totally different direction.

i need to rethink. meanwhile, animation medley rocks!! (:


there she goes
6:50 PM



the tune of arsenal is stuck in my head! so nice. wished i could play.

band camp is over and i'm starting to feel the emptiness i always feel after any camp or trip. but this isn't too bad as there's the concert and the perth trip to look forward to.

to think of it, i kinda miss band camp. like, how many times are there in my life when i can walk around the school late into the night? strolling round the track slowly and admiring the pathetically few stars in the sky. walking around in slippers and shorts without getting caught. or sleeping in the band room with fellow bandies, as one band?

even though full band in the cc meant stoning time for us, but hey! the times spent in the cold control room were pretty memorable afterall.

the few individuals i had were rather productive for me. andrew told me last week that i haven't been practising my low notes. and so i did this time. tried practising my chromatic scale downwards. however exhausting it was (low notes mah.. need A LOT of air), playing the higher notes seemed much easier after that and i felt so accomplished. and the jiayous/"you can do it"/encouragement from some bandies really boosted my morale.

like all other sections, the saxtion sat together for breakfasts/lunches/dinners. got to know them better during this camp. i think they're generally a bunch of fun-loving people, despite everyone's diverse personalities. got really high on friday during phototaking as shuzk eef and i started skipping around. esther and andrew joined us soon after. and i clearly remember someone going, "saxophones, can you all please act your age!?!" hilarious! i really miss skipping from the cafe all the way back to the band room like nobody's business. try doing that on a normal school day and see whether you'll dare to show your face in school ever again.

have i mentioned that hafiz is transferring from clarinet to our saxtion? and he's going to play alto sax 2 with me! YAY SO HAPPY.

ah well. band's starting to near the centre of my life in sajc. almost everyday i'll be looking forward to practising my instrument, and not forgetting eagerly awaiting the day when i can join full band. that's when the music i play finally makes more sense and falls into piece. i don't regret quitting choir to join band and i know it from the bottom of my heart that i'm starting to love band more and more each day.


there she goes
9:15 PM



i went to school at 12.45pm today! trying to get into school with lilian was a freaky yet exciting experience. we saw ben behind the gate from the sas bridge and he was frantically gesturing for us not to proceed lest we get caught by the guard. ruth was in there too. but we succeeded in the end. thank God.

so what did i go to school for when i could have stayed at home? band of course! prac was fine for me today. mr glosz went down today and the sheer presence of him scared the wits out of alison eunice and me. he heard me playing my scales on his way out of school and he said i "made a good sound"! boy was i honoured. wished he had commented more so i can improve but he didn't.

and you know what? they're axing "you raise me up" from the repertoire! my heart broke when i learnt about it. but as what eef said, at least i've learnt something. i've learnt the importance of counting the beats, which i'm still struggling at. andrew told me yesterday that i don't have the pulse. maybe i should really get a metronome and sleep listening to it every night.

anyway, something amusing happened. i met jinhui at the watercooler just now and he suddenly told me that he met my dad. i was so shocked. like what's the connection man? then he said he went teck ghee one day in his sa uniform and my dad saw him. so my dad asked him whether he knew me. haha jinhui said he was stunned when he heard my name. it's such a coincidence! and the way he said it was so funny can! in fact, the mere sight of him already tickles me. hahaha. i still can't believe he was the clarinet sl of the rv-band! and he likes art. he's seriously one book that cannot be judged by its cover.


there she goes
10:07 PM



it's good friday today. it's raining heavily outside and here i am, sitting by the window, typing these very words and occasionally looking out at the grey sky. as darkness fills my room i can't help but wonder how many of us are still living in darkness, oblivious to a salvation that is free and just so wonderful or simply taking it for granted.

we're all sinners. and i am no exception. i lie/bitch/complain/anger people/follow the world and i am selfish/lazy/superficial/bad-tempered/easily jealous/and most sadly, too proud to admit my wrongdoings. i'm simply soaked with sin. but despite all these, God still loves me. i don't deserve His love. we all don't. but the fact is, He still does! i mean, it's just so amazing.. so touching!!

as what john 3.16 says "for God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life." He loves us so much! and as what pastor see preached just now, Jesus was holy and sinless, and yet He died for us sinners, who were actually doomed to hell.

there's no higher sacrifice that a man would give his life. there's no greater love than this. will you die for a friend? will you? will you willingly die for someone who despises you and treats you like trash? will you die for someone who hurts you all the time? there's just so much LOVE and mercy involved.

and i still clearly remember a sentence from eugene's testimony during life concert. "even if the whole world is against you, God will always be for you". it was so true that i cried.. in fact, emotions are welling up as i recall these very words which seem so much closer to my heart now that things in my life aren't going smoothly at all. this is one bumpy ride i'm experiencing on this journey of life.

i also remember once telling leqi that God can be our closest confidante. there's a limit to my courage and confidence of how much i can share with people. but through prayer (aka talking to God), i can tell Him all my darkest secrets, all my hidden frustrations and worries, all the things i'd never dream of telling anyone. "cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you". He's not only our saviour, He's also our friend, our peace, our shelter. i don't exactly know how, but i can feel that He's there for me. maybe it's because i feel much better? and i'm reminded of a song we sometimes sing during sunday school:

Did you ever talk to God above?
Tell him that you need a friend to love?
Pray in Jesus' name
Believing God answers prayers.
Have you told him all your cares and woes?
Every tiny little fear He knows.
You can know He'll always hear
And He will answer prayer.
You can whisper in a crowd to Him.
You can cry when you're alone to Him.
You don't have to pray out loud to Him;
He knows your thoughts.
On a lofty mountain peak, He's there.
In a meadow by a stream, He's there.
Anywhere on earth you go,
He's been there from the start

i know everything may sound incoherent or whatsoever, but my main point is, God loves us! He listens to our cries like He had listened to the cries of the israelites in exodus. He gives us peace. He even sent His precious Son to suffer and die for us sinners. He is simply amazing!


there she goes
1:48 PM



it's times like this when my tears just can't stop flowing.

i need You to bring me back to the path.


there she goes
9:49 PM






there she goes
4:35 PM



alison and i had come to a conclusion that we need our frequent doses of high-ness so that we can sound good for individuals. her oboe has crappy-air. whoever plays it will be full of crap like what happened to us just now. and my saxophone never fails to make me crave for 50cents ice cream at macs. it's almost a routine already.

and yay. i improved quite a bit today. in low notes and chromatic scale. and fifths? (whatever it is called) tone's sounding nicer even though my air supply still kinda sucks. estella said practise more long notes. can't wait for friday's lesson. haven't had one still dunnowhen. and i can finally learn how to tongue properly then! yayayayay.

ohyeah. i watched a movie with eunice minqi david shawn and kahfai at eunice's house yesterday. all i can say is ahhhhh i'll NEVER ever watch such a show again. -traumatised- but uno-stacko at the SC was fun. so was crapping at macs. man i really miss abbas' jokes! and eunice was so gullible! she fell for the 'exothermic reaction' trick. damn hilarious.

and congrats michael! sajc's pride.


there she goes
9:36 PM