Month 8: the "new" me

With my 30th birthday approaching soon, it feels good to feel like a "new" version of myself. I'm finally feeling more confident with my hair thanks to a cute, spunky new style. It actually looks like an intentional hair-cut/style instead of  the "post-chemo-growth-fuzz-mess".

(excuse the no make-up)

I am still taking my AG Pro vitamins like crazy-- it's 6 pills a day. So surely they're doing some good with this hair growth!  I'm really hoping that by the time February 20 rolls around (the day I shaved my head) I will have a cute bob style! I can't wait.

And to go with my cute new hair style/celebrate my 1 year "cancerversary"/and 30th birthday, I recently purchased some Frye boots and I absolutely love them! Bought new, they're worth a pretty penny, but I lucked out and found a 1970s vintage pair -in excellent condition- on Etsy! The Gisela & Zoe Vintage Shop has some amazing vintage clothing at awesome prices. I even got this adorable polka dot blouse from them too. Check out their clothes, you won't be disappointed!

The "new" me has also found hope again, thanks to some amazing doctors who have listened to my case and given me their expertise. I've been seeking out second opinions about my future treatment & care and have received a lot of positive feedback. I'm not sure I'm ready to share all of it yet, as I'm still sorting through all of it and praying about it. But it sure is awesome to have hope in the future again, something I haven't felt in quite a long while.

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
    for my hope is from Him. 

 He only is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be shaken."

Psalm 62:5-6

Happy Birthday to my blog!

In keeping with my theme of one-year "anniversaries", one year ago today is when I first started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing, how much I planned to share, or if I'd even continue to update during my treatment. I just wanted everyone to know the facts as we learned them, and I knew we couldn't do it alone. We needed the love, prayers, and support from our loved ones and thanks be to God, we humbly received them.

Thank you to everyone, those we know, and those who are complete strangers, for reading my blog for the past year; for all the comments, "likes", and support.

And all I have to say is I am SO GLAD November is over! Hallelujah I survived it. And guess what, the battle year of 2012 is almost over too. In just a few weeks it will be a brand new year with brand new promises. Plus, my 30th birthday is in just a few days. I've never know another person so excited to turn 30-- I can't wait to see what awesome blessings are in store for a new decade!

"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
Psalm 16:11

Cancer-versary

I find it so ironic that some days I can barely remember what I ate for lunch, yet I can remember the exact moments &  precise details of other certain days. November 23, 2011, the day I was diagnosed, is one of those days. I remember it clearly as if it literally happened yesterday. The brain is funny like that; holding on to traumatic memories for reasons I'll never understand.

That day started out so innocent & fun -- it was "spouse simulator day" at my husband's work. He had the day off and I got to be the one to wear the flight suit into work and play in the flight simulator with other spouses. We had such a great time! 

  

A few days prior I'd had my breast biopsy done and was anxiously waiting for the doctor's office to call with my results.  When I got out of the simulator (we had to turn our phones off), I had a missed call from the doctor. I hurriedly called them back thinking I'd receive my "all clear". Instead, the receptionist said "Oh I was just calling to remind you of your follow up appointment." Gee thanks! I told her I needed to know my biopsy results and she replied "The doctor will be calling you with those". In that moment, I knew. My heart sank and my stomach dropped. I was immediately nauseous. Why would the doctor have to call me himself if it wasn't bad news?

Hours went by, I prayed, I still felt sick, I was scared and anxious. 5:00 came and went with no call from my doctor. Thanksgiving was the next day; was he really going to leave me hanging over the long holiday weekend?! At 5:30 my phone rang and it was him. He apologized for the late call, but said that he wanted to finish up his day's work before he called me so he could give me his undivided attention. He then said "Well I'm very glad we decided to biopsy it. What you have is indeed a small breast cancer tumor". All I remember after that was everything going hazy. Cancer?! Cancer. My worst fear in life had been confirmed. I felt like I was falling, like the ground was yanked out from underneath me. I couldn't talk or listen after that, and my doctor could tell I was losing it. He asked to speak to someone else so I handed the phone to my husband and cried out with all my might "I have cancer!". And then I fell on the floor in a crying mess. He spoke to the doctor and got all the details because I was in no shape to understand anything at that point.  I remember that I just wanted to disappear; I wanted everything bad to just magically go away. I couldn't believe this was MY life and it was happening to ME. It was so surreal like a horrible nightmarish dream. 

Later that night after the fog had lifted, I spent hours googling breast cancer. I had no idea what I was facing and as a Type A Planner, I needed to know. I wanted details. I wanted a plan. Even though there was still so much uncertainty about my diagnosis, it gave me comfort to learn more about what I was up against. And boy did I learn. [There is a lot to learn about breast cancer!] I felt better after doing my research and made a decision that night to fight this with every fiber of my being. I distinctly remember saying to my husband "I don't know why this is happening to me, and maybe I never will, but I know that one day I will pay it forward to another young mom who is in my shoes. Maybe that's why God is preparing me for this battle". And I still firmly believe that a year later. We agreed to fight together, for our family, and for our future. And fight we did.

It's been a crazy year -- I've literally been to hell, and back. And now that I'm back, I'm better than ever: cancer free and in the best shape/health of my life! I still feel a little angry when I think about the things that cancer robbed me of, but I think a small fire burning deep in your gut is good for your soul. It reminds me that I fought for my life and with no intentions of backing down. It also reminds me that I beat it, and leaves me with a kind of "take that, cancer!" type of attitude. If you know me, you know that is totally my personality ;)

So today, there were no tears. Sorry breast cancer, but I've cried way too many tears over your lousy existence. Today is a day of celebration; a day of happiness & health. It marks an entire year of inner strength I never knew I had. We enjoyed a beautiful day as a family and then the hubby and I had a fabulous date night to celebrate what a momentous journey we've overcome together!

 

Of all the scripture verses that got me through the past year, this one in particular is my favorite. Even through my suffering, God offered up troubled grace which led me through my battle. And not only did He help me overcome it, but He's restored my soul and renewed my faith along the way. All the glory be to Him!

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 

-1Peter 5:10

*The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you*

11/11/11

I remember thinking it was pretty neat that I would be having our first ultrasound on 11/11/11 -- sounds like a cool date. I'm not a very superstitious person but I felt like it had to be a good sign for things to come. That morning I posted this Bible verse as my Facebook status:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11

Little did I know then just how much impact that one verse would have on me after that day. I simply posted it because we thought we were going to an ultrasound to be told we were having twins. My husband and I were trying to prepare our hearts for any possibility of what was to come; and it's a good thing we did.

After the events of that day tragically unfolded, I remember thinking back to that verse I posted. I felt so silly and ignorant because earlier I had intended for it to bring me joy & comfort. Yet there I was lying in a hospital bed pleading with God to let this day be the worst day ever: please let it get better from here on out. But it never did.

I've struggled with the nagging question of "why did this happen?" Why would God take our baby that we so desperately wanted and tried for for over a year to conceive? I know I'll never have an answer, but I realize now that it's my duty to faithfully trust that it is all part of His plan. I've found comfort in this verse as it has helped me deal with the "why" of the situation:

  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-Phil. 4:7

God has continually blanketed me with peace throughout this entire journey. Although I will never understand his ways or understandings, his abounding peace & grace override it all. Everything will be ok in the end because He is in control.

I was once angry with God for allowing our baby to be taken. But over the course of the events of the past year, I've learned that Jeremiah 29:11 has become my backbone. It now gives me hope that He has not forgotten about me, or the baby I so desperately want. I trust that after all I have endured, He WILL be good & faithful. A blessing will come out of it at some point, and eventually His plan will be unveiled to me. It's a lot to process and has taken me a long time to faithfully come to this conclusion.

This particular song, "You Are" by Colton Dixon, speaks straight to my heart about my grief. It gives all the glory to God and all that He is and does. And the honest, painful truth is that no matter how upset I was with Him, or my circumstace, He is still good. He does provide me with hope for my future; I just have to believe it and embrace it.

 

 "You are the hope,
You are the hope I needed"

[My favorite lines of this song]

We'll never know the gender of the sweet baby we lost, but after much consideration, we decided to name it Sam. Having saved my life and made the ultimate sacrifice, it seemed fitting to name the child we lost and give it an identity. Not only is Sam a gender neutral name, but most importantly it represents the verse I prayed over for so many months as we were trying to conceive.

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 

-1Sam. 1:27

Today my daughter and I went to buy a balloon to send to the baby in Heaven on its homecoming anniversary. I asked her if she thought it was a boy or girl, and she said boy. So she joyfully picked out a blue balloon to send to the baby Sam. I asked her what she wanted to write on the card attached to the balloon and she decided on "Baby's Balloon". Sweet & simple. She then asked if God would open Heaven's gate to let the balloon in for the baby.  

 *A huge thank you to my beautiful friend Hope for capturing this precious moment for us!*

We sure do miss you, Baby Sam, and we hope you liked your beautiful balloon. We desperately long to hold you here on Earth but we know Jesus is taking good care of you, and we can't wait to be reunited with you again one day in Heaven.  

Love,

Mommy   

a year ago

Exactly one year ago we had these amazingly beautiful family photographs taken by the fabulous Liz Behm. In this moment, life was perfect. There was no news of cancer, no cares or worries, and I was growing a sweet baby in my belly. Little did we know that just a few short weeks later in November (what ended up being the worst month of my life) that our world would change drastically.  Looking back now, these photos hold so much meaning to me; much more than just the typical family photographs. They capture the joy of the perfect life we were blissfully living. They embody carefree moments of hope & optimism. Oh how I wish I could go back and live in this moment in time forever.

Please bear with me as the next month will be very difficult for me. The anniversaries of losing our baby and my diagnosis are moments that I'm dreading reliving/remembering with ever fiber of my being. But I know it's all part of this healing process that I must fight through. And I will.

Month 6: hair 'dos

It's now been 6 months since I finished chemo. How in the world did half a year fly by so quickly?! 

I had the grand idea to measure how much my hair has grown in that time: it's a whopping 3 inches tall/long! I thought the vitamins I've been taking have worked magic, but it turns out that's typical/average hair growth. (says Wikipedia)

I currently have a tender love/hate relationship with my hair. I LOVE that it's growing out but I hate that it's in this funky in-between stage. {It's about one inch away from being a mullet in the back--eeek!} But I know I have to get through this stage so that it can grow out. In just a few short months I'll have enough hair for an adorable bob and I can't wait for that!

Lucky for me, short hair is all the rage in Hollywood right now. And at least I now have a few options for hair 'dos which is very exciting!

One more picture I have to share from this month. This is a billboard put up by Susan G Komen to promote early detection. It truly does save lives -- it saved mine! I never thought A) I'd be a poster child for anything or B) it'd ever be for breast cancer. But God's a funny man with a clever plan!

60 seconds

What would you do if you had 60 seconds to meet/speak with the person [or celebrity] that you most idolize, respect, and admire? When meeting Giuliana this past weekend, I honestly should've been slightly better prepared, and a lil less emotional, but in the end I have no regrets and I'm SO thankful for this opportunity!

There's no denying my love & admiration for Giuliana, all that she is and all that she represents. She has been my biggest source of inspiration to fight the battle I fought over the past year. I've been determined to meet her and share my story with her, especially after my best friend Desiree met her in February.

Enter my other bestie [and Delta Gamma sorority sister], Ashley. A few months ago Ashley came upon an opportunity to see Giuliana speak at our very own sorority's Lectureship at the University of Oklahoma. We immediately took this as a sign -- this was finally our chance to meet G! Ashley, being the amazing friend that she is, took it upon herself to plan out the entire weekend trip for us. After much dedicated research, we also ended up getting invited to the private reception that took place before Giuliana went on to speak. The excitement has been building for the past few weeks! [Brand new dress: check. Matching blue pumps: check.]

 

 a few of the beautiful OU DGs who helped make this all happen!

G is an honorary Delta Gamma sister!

The ladies of Delta Gamma did not disappoint and the reception was beautiful. Giuliana arrived in a whirlwind of smiles, laughter and cameras recording for 2 of her TV shows. Everyone was allowed to go through a receiving line to briefly meet & greet with her. I knew that I had to tell her about Desiree sharing my story with her to see if she remembered. Looking back now, my adrenaline was so high and I'm not even sure I even told her my name! I just showed her the picture of her & Desiree and told her she'd already heard my story. Immediately her faced changed and she said "I remember you!". I could've cried in that moment. She said "You were about to start chemo, I remember!". And then my heart was so content. I couldn't believe that here we were, nine months later, after all the millions of people she meets on a daily basis, and she remembered ME. She asked how I was doing and was so sympathetic to all that I've been through. I swear I could've sat and talked to her over coffee for hours. But alas I was allowed 1 quick photo with her and we were on our way.

Giuliana's speech at the Lectureship was just as amazing as she is. She spoke to all of the trials & tribulations she's worked to overcome in her life. And boy has she worked. What an awesome example she is of someone who has fought through challenges to get to where she is today. Beyond just beating breast cancer, she has triumphed over so much more and leads her life as a positive example of perseverance and strength. 

 

 photo credit: Courtney Mahon Photography

Even though our conversation was brief, I will never forget our time together and the quick bond we shared. Giuliana was so gracious and down to earth. Beautiful inside just as much as she is outside; her compassionate soul radiated the entire time we spoke. I am forever grateful for this experience-- to Ashley and to my other Delta Gamma sisters for making this happen and including me in it.

The night ended with Giuliana replying to my Tweet to her:

Dreams do come true, even if for a brief 60 seconds -- because those fleeting moments created lasting memories for a lifetime!

pinked out

I have a confession to make. When I was first diagnosed and my friends were trying to be supportive and gift me with breast cancer books, shirts, and other paraphernalia-- I was overwhelmed and annoyed. It got to the point where I didn't want to see ANYTHING pink anymore because it made me sick to my stomach. The truth is I was in complete denial. I didn't want anything to do with pink because I couldn't believe or accept that I was now part of this pinkness.

Funny how my emotions completely changed over such a short time. Since coming out on the other side of this battle, I could not be more proud to wear pink. I sport my pink t-shirts to the gym, to Starbucks, to the grocery store, anywhere people will notice it. I even bought a pair of adorable pink stiletto pumps last week.  

I want everyone to know that I'm proud to have fought this battle and to keep fighting it in honor of those who cannot fight anymore. Life has become more meaningful now since learning to embrace pink and all that it represents.

While this is Breast Cancer Awareness month, I want everyone to know that the awareness spans more than just these 31 days of October. Even though the stores are all selling adorable pink products, I'm not going to get into the debate here about where funding goes or how much of it is actually put towards research. A lot of the money raised in the name of breast cancer is NOT used towards prevention or research; most of the funds are spent on more awareness and marketing campaigns.  So if you don't feel comfortable buying pink but still want to support the cause free-of-charge, then I encourage you to sign up for the Health Of Women study by Dr. Susan Love. I've been a part of this research organization since before I was diagnosed and their studies are legitimate and groundbreaking. This new study is all-encompassing and all it requires of you is to sign up and provide [secure] information about you & your health. 

"The HOW Study is a first-of-its-kind international online study for women and men with and without a history of breast cancer.  We will collect information about your health, your job, your diet, and your family history, among other topics that can help us get a better understanding of breast cancer and its potential causes.  Periodically, we will send you questionnaires about anything and everything. All you have to do is fill them out online. It’s that simple. This is a partnership and we need you for the long haul. The more questionnaires you fill out, the more information we will have that can help us have a better understanding of why women get breast cancer"

If you've always wanted to do something to contribute but weren't sure what to do, this is your opportunity. And who knows, you may help save your own life, or that of someone you love. We all have to work together to help to end this horrible disease. 

Month 5: focusing on myself

If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me "So, are you going back to work now?" then I'd probably have enough money to never have to go back to work! Sure I'm done battling cancer, which was my full-time job. Sure my daughter has started preschool. But it was my plan to stay home from work for many years while I raised our children. Even though cancer came along and robbed me of that plan, I'm now fighting to regain myself once again and form a new plan. For now, the plan is to focus on myself.

It may seem like I was incredibly strong throughout the months I was battling breast cancer. The truth is I didn't feel strong at all; I was running on adrenaline and fumes. Now that the battle is over I feel like I've collapsed and need to gather myself, my thoughts, and my emotions. I'd liken it to running a marathon and being exhausted once you cross the finish line (I've never actually run a marathon! I can only imagine) It's time to compose myself again and get my life back on track.

I feel like speaking out about breast cancer and my faith journey is a huge part of what God has called me to do in this season of life. I've done a lot of interviews & articles lately with local newspapers. I've mentored to friends who are worried about "something" they've detected themselves. I've started volunteering with our local Susan G Komen chapter. I hate that I am now the young face of breast cancer, but if I can help others through their diagnosis or educate women my age about breast awareness, then I know I've done priceless, valuable work.

I've also started going to therapy to talk about what we've been through -- so much heartache in such a short year. It truly helps to get guidance on how to process my emotions. God has also been broadcasting straight to my heart recently through a sermon series at church called "Restoration". I've learned that the Lord can and WILL restore the joy that was taken from me. "Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing" Joel 2:13-14

I'm relying on the faith that led me through this battle to now help me get me back on my feet, and I know it will. I recently read another survivor's blog about how survivorship is a struggle. Her words shook me to my core because they're exactly like how I've been feeling too. I've struggled with feeling like there's a void in my life and how to cope with getting my life back. I've finally realized that the truth is I'm not getting that life back. I have to create a new life plan for myself. A new me, a better me. 

month 4: hair-spiration

Ever since I was diagnosed I've been {somewhat obsessively} following Ashley of Lil Blue Boo. She was stricken with cancer around the same time I was so our journeys have been very similar & parallel. When she shaved her head, I knew my time was right around the corner, and it was comforting to see someone else marching bravely ahead of me.

Like me, Ashley is also now working on growing her long blonde hair back out. She recently featured other young cancer patients' hair journeys on her blog. I feel so honored to be included in this list among other awesome fighters & survivors. Thank you, Ashley, for taking the time and thoughtfulness to feature such amazing ladies! And thank you for continuing to be such an inspiration to me and others.

Speaking of hair, here's my 4-months-post-chemo hair do:

It has FINALLY all come in and I can proudly say I have a full head of hair! No more bald spots! I even have enough hair to rock a faux-hawk on days when I'm feeling dare-devilish. The back is looking a lil shaggy though so I may need a trim here soon to avoid a mullet. Surprisingly it is the same color & texture as it was before (pre blonde highlights). It is coming in with some pretty strawberry-blonde natural highlights and is stick-straight as ever!

I am now completely at peace with my new hair. I'm no longer anxious or nervous to go out in public. A few times random strangers have stopped me to tell me they "love my haircut!". I don't have the audacity to tell them I didn't choose this though ;) Talk about awkward! I just smile, say thanks and act like I do love it even though it wasn't my first pick of haircuts.

I'm not sure if these things are helping, but here are my magic "secrets" to my hair growth.
A/G Pro vitamins -- I eat these like it's my job.

Nioxin hair thickening shampoo. So it's usually for balding men .. who cares .. I think it's working! ;) 

Month 3

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

--"Ironic" by Alanis Morisette  

I really feel strongly connected to this song lately -- Ironic. Life surely did sneak up on me when I thought everything was going right. But now it's my job to turn around and take control of it after its blown up in my face. 

I also feel like this whole cancer thing has been SUCH an oxymoron. When I was diagnosed, I was physically in the best shape of my life. How in the world could I have cancer?! My body was invaded with cancerous cells that could kill me. However, because I was so 'healthy', the cancer & subsequent treatments did not stand a chance. I wake up every day thanking the good Lord for complete healing and no complications. My body endured 5 surgeries in six months (2 in just the past two months). I am amazed that I escaped the entire process standing strong with no issues. How is it that a body so 'sick' can be so healthy at the same time? Isn't it ironic? Yeah, I really do think. 

The best new is that I am now done with all surgeries and procedures. My last surgery, a month ago, was a huge success and I'm healing perfectly. My doctors all continue to be amazed at my quick recovery abilities. God is so good!

Today is 3 months since completing chemo.  I couldn't celebrate today without posting a picture of my hair growth. Keep growing lil hair, you're doing awesome! :)

 I have finally worked up enough courage to ditch my wig -- I never thought the day would come! Thank you 100+ degree heat for finally pushing me over the edge in my decision. I decided to go 'cold-turkey' and just do it because I knew if I wore it some days and not others, I'd never let it go. I'm happy to report that I'm now going on a few weeks wig free! Of course I can't leave the house without a headband (Reminds me of the days when my daughter was an infant and we had a strict policy of not going out without a hair accessory!) Breelys Garden on Etsy is the most amazing shop for unique headbands. The only headbands that will stay/fit on my head are thin elastic newborn ones. But I didn't want to look like I was sporting an infant look. These beautiful headbands are definitely more trendy than typical flowers and I love feeling confident wearing  them! I've never had hair shorter than shoulder-length, so this pixie 'do is a whole new thing for me. The only good thing about it is that it's so cool in this wretched summer heat; there's a silver lining to everything! 

"You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light"

-2 Samuel 22:29

Month 2

Cure isn't a word the oncologists use for breast cancer. They use, instead, survival rates -- how many live for how many years after they've had cancer. So instead of saying, "I'm cured", you call yourself a survivor, and then you learn that surviving isn't very different from what you were doing before.

I love this quote from a breast cancer book I just read called "The Victoria's Secret Catalog never stops coming". (It doesn't, by the way. Semi-annual Sale, anyone?!)

Surviving just means life is going on normally and I still feel so blessed each & every day. It's ironic that it takes cancer to make you realize that you were taking your days for granted before being diagnosed.  Eventually those days add up to months, and then years.

This month I acquired a fun, new wig! (Thank you Christy!!) It is hot as you-know-what outside already and wigs are so hot to wear. As much as a love my long haired wigs they just aren't practical for summertime. As soon as my hair isn't so patchy and doesn't scream "cancer patient!" I'll ditch the wigs altogether!

attending a wedding with the hubby

berry picking with my baby girl 

Today I had my 2-months-post-chemo checkup. You know you've become a slave to these appointments when your oncologist walks in and says "See you in another 6 weeks!". No mention of the bloodwork I just had drawn, nothing! We've got this routine down-pat. It's just another answered prayer to have quick & easy appointments. Just how I like them!

Tomorrow morning I will have my 3rd (and FINAL!) surgery. I'm anxious for a lot of reasons: the lingering unknowns of surgery in general, the outcome, the readiness to have this all behind me. But I'm confident it will all go well and can't wait to update that all of my procedures are finally over with!! 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

good news/bad news

The good news is that my reconstructive surgery was a success. Everything went fine, except my surgeon encountered more scar tissue than she'd expected. After a few very tedious & boring days in the hospital I was finally released to go home. This surgery was NOTHING like my first surgery back in December. They were like night & day. Thank you, Lord!  I think I took 1 pain pill after waking up from this surgery and that was it. I could put shirts on over my head, raise my arms, bear weight, etc. I was shocked at how quick the recovery was. {I may or may not have gone rollerblading and mowed the lawn 5 days after surgery too} ...Seriously, I've felt great!! My surgeon was also pleasantly surprised with how quickly I healed. She was concerned with my chemo compromising my healing process but that wasn't an issue at all! My next, and final, reconstructive surgery will be coming up on June 12. I am SO excited to put this all behind me!

The bad news is that after contacting a local adoption agency I've been told that as a cancer patient, I cannot be "approved" until I've been in remission for 5 years. Wow. Talk about a blow to the heart. I'd researched/heard that cancer patients could encounter more difficulties adopting but I had no idea the wait was so long. Obviously if this is our only way to add to our family we will wait the time, but it is definitely heartbreaking. We have desperately yearned for another baby and I know that God hears my prayers every night and knows the desires of my heart. I'm secretly hoping that someday soon, He'll get tired of my constant request and just magically bless me with another baby. Until that day comes, I'll continue to be on my knees, praying fervently for another miracle just like my sweet daughter He's already graced us with.

And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 

Phil. 4:19

The most memorable Mother's Day

Simply being chosen as Honorary Bat Girl was beyond my wildest dreams; but all the perks that came with it surpassed those dreams! Being interviewed for the local news. Standing on the field at the Ballpark in Arlington. Meeting Josh Hamilton. Sitting 7 rows behind the dugout. Waving casually to Nolan Ryan as he walked by. Having my breast cancer battle read over the loud speaker in front of 45,000 people.

Amazing. All of it. It was definitely a beautiful day that I won't soon forget. The pre-game ceremony itself was not televised as part of the game on ESPN, but here are a few of the interviews I did for the local Dallas news stations:

• Fox Good Day Sunday Morning show
• My live announcement during the pre-game ceremony
• A very touching & well written story and video WFAA

arrived to my own personal goodie bag from MLB!

 

 being bombarded by news cameras the minute I stepped onto the field! Craziness. 

 

 

LOVE my personalized jersey

 

 the Rangers taking batting practice (#32 is the one & only Josh Hamilton!)

 

 oh you know, just chatting it up with JOSH HAMILTON!!

Josh was very kind and down to earth. He shared that his mother & aunt both battled breast cancer. We also got to meet/chat with Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre, and Colby Lewis. Oh and PS -- see his pink bat? The players used those for the game, each had his own personalized bat that will be auctioned off. MLB is shipping me my very own with my name engraved on it!

Claire could've cared less about schmoozing with professional baseball players. She just wanted to sit in the dirt. A nice man gave her her own baseball to keep her happy!

my beautiful friend Ashley not only came out to show her support but she was my acting manager & agent!

 

 smiling in shock as the entire stadium hears my story

our seats were amazing!!

 

Everyone at the Texas Rangers organization was simply fabulous; they were all so kind and helpful. I can't express enough how humbling it was to represent my breast cancer sisters; those who fought before me and those who continue to fight. I'm also so thankful to my dear friends & family who attend the game to support me and my cause. And to everyone who voted for me to win - THANK YOU! But most importantly, thank you to God who chose to heal me so that I could experience this day with my beautiful family. For that, I am eternally grateful.