shifted

i've shifted to anivivonly.wordpress.com

alright. shall admit that i'm seriously affected by the fact that he'll be leaving in abt 49hrs time. i do not know how am i gonna face everything, how my life will be and all. i really want to leave with him but i just cant. i'm not sad and not worried about things changing becaue i know it wont. but it's just this feeling in me. the feeling that make me cry involuntarily. honestly, i cant focus for my last UT and i'm so not prepared for NHG poster making. all i want to do is to be alone. all alone in my room with my everything, no1 bothering me or even askin " are you ok". i'm seriously irritated by it. so please... keep that all away. after seeing him off, i just wanna head to a place where i can just shut up, not questioned and prolly cry. i just dont know why im crying.

ps: i'll really miss you dear..

i'm feeling stupid again. doing my best in school and fighting a losing battle. it's super impossible to get diploma with dist. reading at others' success on poly students getting scholarship, its like one in a million. getting 29As out of 30 and GPA of 4.0. that's the only way to get a scholarship. dietetics? kinda impossible as s'pore don't have such a course and its very impossible to study overseas. school fees is 110k for the whole 4 yrs. what about lodging and all? family not tat rich to afford. well, now i'm left with 1 route, NTU MSE. if i'm lucky, i can make it to NUS chemistry. and soon the next thing will be honours. i'm not worrying but just facing reality ( the fact that studyin overseas is impossible)

im busy with FYP this week. presentation on 18th and i'll be doe with FYP (1). and also the commencement of FYP(2).next week will be UT week and i'm able to drive out on mon and tues (: dad's out of town. well, have to sent him to the airport and fetch him when he's back. and i'll skip lesson on monday to study for stemcell's UT (tues). afterall, its an easy problem for that day.

hmm, i have officially 40 more days to have my dear with me in s'pore :(. sad but yea... i'll spend most of my time with him and only him. sorry to all those i've been neglecting as he's comes in 1st priority for now. i wun be able to see him for the next 9 mths. so do bear with me. u guys gotta understand that i only have 40days with him and i'll have time for u guys once he leaves.

sorry.

"Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do"
"Accept the past as past without denying it and discarding it"
"Learn to forgive yourself and forgive others"

yea, think about what you want to want to acheive and not ways you can avoid things

when will i have the right mind to do stuff? sigh-

i'm not sad or whatever, just feelin out of place. at this very moment, i just wanna shut myself up( with my everything of coz) and do get all things done! yea, things cant be in my way all the time but at least i try to put them in place. i know it's not the place i'm in. it's the people i'm facing , parents. if they ever go on holiday i will be god damn glad to stay here all by myself. whenever i'm home, i'll get so frustrated and ass up with every little thing. and the moment all this came to me, i caved in for food ( any sort). after munching them i'l feel sucky. what's getting on my nerves?? i cant blame anyone but myself. i'm out of control :s

WERID HUNGERS. taking about werid hungers im feeling hungry most of the time. or sometimes not even hungry!! this is bad! nth can ease hunger except gassy stuff.. sigh- can just gulp coke down? i seriously need them, like BADLY! gums din help as much. it will give me jaw aches! im not going to say im fat (despite the increase in fat mass) but i'm so going to switch my eating habits to chicken chicken chicken. i need the extra muscles mass so that i wun feel fat. dont be lazy!