Best birthday ever.

For some reason the 3-day weekend has been so busy! Been wanting to blog about this since last week so here goes.

So as I’ve posted on my social media pages, my sweet, wonderful colleagues actually planned a surprise birthday party for me. ME. I don’t know why anyone would ever spend any effort to plan anything for me but these people did and I’m forever grateful :’)

I mentioned surprise because I literally had no idea, despite the ‘cracks’ they slipped through. In hindsight of course it’s easy to say how did I not see that!?

It was end of the month and it’s pretty common for our team to get a fancy dinner together, to celebrate the extra numbers in our bank account (read: payday!). So we planned to get together on Wednesday at The Daily Grind, Bangsar.

The first giveaway was that everybody was wearing red/maroon/black, my favorite colors. The funniest was when Izzah and Zara wore the exact same thing, a black scarf and maroon top HAHAHAHA. It was early in the day and the office was still empty, and I had to hold back my laugh otherwise it’s just gonna echo throughout and let me tell you it was hard because it was HILARIOUS.

But still, I didn’t suspect anything. Also coincidentally I was wearing black and red and nobody told me to! I could be wearing blue or green and ruin the picture but phew. 

Actually to backtrack, Atika was showing me a screenshot of her conversation with this guy who shall not be named, and in the convo she mentioned “We’re gonna surprise Anis” or something along those lines. I thought, wait what’s that about? But then figured that could be an old convo they talked about or something so I just wave it off. 

Towards the end of the day it got busier and I was the last one to leave the office, around 7 p.m. Internet at B3 was down and I had to go up and down to freaking print one invoice! Gah it was just frustrating. And then I saw everybody had left and I was alone. 

I texted everybody my ETA is 7:30 p.m. (guess that was convenient for them hahah). My brother also had to tag along, and he kept telling me to wait for him to finish praying before I go into the restaurant because he’s intimidated by everyone - we were all girls so I understood. 

I replied in the group asking where was everybody and Izzah said she’s still on the way (she said she had to meet her parents beforehand so I thought it’s normal if she’s late) and Mel, who’s in the same car with Atika, said they took the wrong turn. In hindsight (again) Mel goes to Bangsar all the time. Why would she get lost?! Lol, Anis. 

So I proudly announced I was the last to leave office and the first to arrive?! Woohoo achievement unlocked! Guys, I swear I was really proud of myself. Not even kidding. 

So then I walked toward the restaurant while my brother went to the nearby mosque. Of course, being the “good” sister that I am, I’m just gonna go into the restaurant anyway. I told everyone there are still a lot of empty tables left. I even told the server,

me: Table for 7, please.

her: Are your friends here already?

me: No they are on the way

her: …

her: Okay just follow me

So then she brought me to the back of the restaurant, and then!

The moment I found out about the surprise. Not because of their singing.

See, the restaurant had glass panels and because they had candles on, I saw they were holding the cake. 

So then I walked toward the section as I was turning the corner (knowing they’re all waiting) I said to the server, “they’re holding a cake, aren’t they?” and he just gave a sheepish smile hahahaha.

Then this happened:

Oh yeah, we made The Pose.

And happiness was everywhere that night. 

Then we had dinner, talked about our resolutions for 2016, opened presents and it was just an amazing night.

We even went to checkout FashionValet’s flagship store, being the good staff that we are lol. They made me wear the Minnie Mouse bow around the mall. Received some weird looks but thank God for the adrenaline and happy-hormones-I-don’t-know-the-name-of that made me just don’t care when I’m surrounded by these great friends :)

What a way to end 2015. Alhamdulillah. 

Lav

A lot of people don’t believe don’t believe me when I say I’ve never been in a relationship. Like, ever.

To which I don’t really know how to react. I think some means well,  Anis you’re -insert compliments- how could you be single?! Come on spill it.

Peeps I am dead serious I am dictionary definition of single and not even in the process of “getting to know someone” nor texting any guy right now. (Okay to be honest I’ve friendzoned a few guys before but(!!!) in my defense, they’re all in happy relationships now! With such pretty girls, too! See I did them such a favor otherwise the unlucky one will be stuck with me. Tsk tsk. You’re welcome, guys.)

I think my favorite response is when people say I’m “too picky” as if I have a lot to pick from?! Totes hilar, guys. There’s totally a line of (imaginary) eligible bachelors waiting to date me right now. 

I am genuinely happy for people who're married, found their 'true love', whatever that means, but like what Amy Poehler keeps repeating in her book: Good for you, not for me. 

I appreciate the concern, but not being married is not the worst thing to be in the world. 

I overheard on the radio the other day how getting married is part of fulfilling sunnah, and of course I agree, but then again there are hundreds of other sunnahs you can follow to path your way to Jannah. Why not highlight those, ey?

I am literally not in any place, physically mentally what more financially to get married and yet it seems that that's expected of me somehow in the near future.  Plus the statistics is like what, 40 - 50% of married couples get a divorce? Fun fact to throw around at weddings! Okay slow down there, wedding grinch.

I shouldn’t even feel this way! I’m not even 23 yet, yo. Maybe because I’m a female and there’s that social stigma with being an old maid that guys don’t feel the same pain, grh. Ugly truth is a single guy at 30 is different than a single female at 30. 

Another bitter truth is I start to wonder if there’s something wrong with… me. As shallow as it sounds I start to wonder is it my looks? My weight? My personality? Is my laugh too obnoxious? Is my ankle too protruding? Yep, it’s definitely my ankle. 

It’s sad, isn’t it, that we tend to seek external validation to tell us we’re enough. Sigh.

The thing is I literally never worry about this stuff when I was abroad. Ah, life was good. To only worry about my grades and not getting my toes cut off from being frozen in winter (or diabetic because Murican food mmhmm).

Whenever I meet up with old friends conversations will eventually lead up to everybody’s love life and I literally don’t have anything to contribute. I have crushes, but that’s about it. In most cases I’ll have a crush on a guy for like 2 weeks max before I realize out I was just bored end of story can we get dessert now

In the uber rare case that it’s a CRUSH crush, I am a chicken when it comes to making any move. I couuuuld drop some hints, but I probably end up giving him the impression that I hate him. I avoid eye contact, I run the other way, pretend he doesn’t exist when he’s in the room. 

Smooth, Anis.

(I mentioned uber rare because honestly like 3 years ago I told my closest friends that I developed a crush on this one guy and my friend’s response was: “Akhirnya kau bukan lesbian." WTF, Abu!? HAHAH I’ll never forget that.)

And then I have friends who’ll come to me for relationship advice, which I truly appreciate. I take it as a sign you trust me with your problems and I’d be happy to lend a shoulder, a hand, or some tissues when you need it. However because of my lack of experience, I am really bad at giving advice! Which makes me uncomfortable at times. Friends, I am truly sorry and know that I tried my best and I always include you all in my prayers.

But I feel the need to say this: a lot of times I am literally, fully content with my personal life right now. Maybe because being single is all I’ve ever known, so I wouldn’t  know what’s it like to be the opposite. Maybe because I have great friends I can share anything with (I’m aware once they all get married I wouldn’t be able to annoy them as much sigh). Maybe because I still enjoy being a little kid around my family and watching tv in bed sandwiched between my parents is one of the best feelings in the world. 

I take pride in knowing how to be happy by myself, so that if I do find someone, I don’t depend my happiness on him.

I think the cliche advice I often hear (and tell) is to pray it out, leave it all to Allah, when the timing is right it’ll happen yadda yadda. And for a brief moment, that was what I did. I said brief because then I thought to myself, dang, am I really making doa to Him just for the sake of hoping to meet my other half one day, or am I really sincere in being closer to Him? It was a huge a-ha moment for me. Eureka!

I’ve always liked the quote that “A woman’s heart should be so close to God that a man must seek Him in order to find her” or something like that. I don’t even know the origin of that quote and it certainly doesn’t just apply to Muslims but it’s beautiful. I guess in Islam we have Allah’s promise in that perempuan baik untuk lelaki baik, vice versa and that’s assuring :) 

At the end of the day I know I’m not ready and Allah knows I’m not either. Regardless of what society says, regardless of inquisitive makciks (and mom, hi I know you’re reading this) and friends, it’ll be awhile before my wedding bells ring. Or the Malay equivalent of that will be before kompang dipalu at my wedding (I’ve always loved hearing the sound of kompang!)

I’m not one to give much thought into my wedding (how do people already thought of what colors their wedding will be!? I can’t even decide what to wear to work on Monday) but I have a few things I know: 1) Real kompang, not speakers 2) I’m wearing this liquid lipstick from Maybelline that I got in the US that is ABSOLUTELY foolproof, tqransferproof, you could eat cheeseburger and spaghetti and it’ll still be on it’s quite close to magic really 3) No karaoke! Nobody is allowed to sing at my wedding. Unless it’s Taylor Swift. 

In the mean time I can only improve myself, straighten my niat in making my doa to him, and attend as many weddings as I can. 

Now about my ankle... anybody knows a good doctor?

Werk

Hello.

Man, it’s been a while since I wrote anything good. I’m feeling rusty! Hope my grammar isn’t too bad in this post.

Anyway. It’s a holiday tomorrow so by hook or by crook I want to post something up tonight!!!

I've been wanting to blog about my first job but then I realized the ethics side of it is all a bit blurry. So this post is a bit general so that I won't be in trouble bahaha (love you Vy don't fire me pls thx)

It’s been five months since I started working at this company: 

I don’t want to type out the name in case anybody Google about it and found my blog, heh.

I think one of the main reasons I decided to major in journalism back then is because I do NOT want to have a typical working hours, the 9 to 6. “It’d be so boring to be stuck behind a desk all day. I want to go out and about!”

Aaaaand my job requires me to actually be behind a desk from 9 to 6. Great irony there, Anis.

But at the same time I kind of enjoy it. I know when I go home I can just relax and not do work at all, except occasionally when customers complain and we had to open up our laptops to check a few stuff, or clear payment emails (which is easy, but a lot).

I know my parents are kind of against me working as a customer service person, I have a degree, studied abroad, and doing stuff technically someone with just an SPM can do. But I just want work experience and if anything, my job is all about helping people and I love being able to do that. Perspective here, people.

There were days when I’d go home smiling from a good day at work, and there were days when I was so stressed i could eat a tub of Mat Kool ice-cream in one sitting. I do feel tired and laggy sometimes, and my day-to-day is so… routine. I wake up, get ready for work, go to work (the traffic is madness!!!!), come home (again, traffic), sleep. And the cycle just repeats. By the time weekend comes around, sometimes all I want to do is sleep instead of going out for once. I don’t even know how working mothers do it!

I must say I do have wonderful colleagues :) We get frustrated together, laugh at silly emails together, and we text each other about our lives after working hours and on weekends as if being together for 9+ hours everyday is not enough haha. Raya was very stressful for all of us, a lot of emails, calls, orders, and people accusing we're ruining their Raya when their baju raya doesn't arrive in time. 

Also, in case anybody's wondering, yes our (Instagram-famous) bosses are lovely in real life and so humble, their children are too adorable for words. Just don't mess up unless you want to get an all-caps text message at 11:30 p.m. why didn't you do this and that. I will not confirm nor deny that happened to me once.

If there’s anything I learned, and my working friends can agree on, there will always be office politics wherever you go and my company is no exception. But I try not to delve too much into it and just wave it off (okay fine I can’t pass up on good gossip sometimes haha).

Also can I mention lunch? Everyday nobody seems to know what they want to have for lunch and it's all so confusing I wish somebody makes a chart of what to eat everyday for lunch for the week but of course that cannot happen since some days we don't feel like eating this or that but then when we ask around everybody's okay with eating anything but nobody wants to make up their mind just choose a place already!!!

I'm sorry.

Now that I’m working I feel like I’m spending less and less time with my family and friends. I try my hardest, regardless of heavy eyelids, aching muscles, to go out if my friends invite me for a dinner because I know I have to put in the effort to maintain the friendship. Sometimes I get teary-eyed of how blessed I am to have friends from high school and college still keeping in touch even now that most of us have started work. How far we’ve come, alhamdulillah!

I’m also spending less time doing what I love most: reading. When I get home everyday I’d  be too tired to read before bed like I usually do. Dusts start to settle on my books. And worst of all I feel like my English is slipping away! *goes on to read dictionaries and grammar books*

 The other day I went shopping and since nothing is tickling my fancy, I went into Borders. Ah, how I miss thee, ol’ friends! “Since when this author came out with a new book!? Wait there’s a sequel already? Oprah came out with a new book? (Which I spent some time flipping and reading, and turns out the book was published last year. Great).”

I do feel if I’m not careful, if I don’t take the time out, life can passes by so, so easily. And then I’d be one of those grumpy old people mad at life and wishing all the “if only’s” and “what if’s”.

Need to do something about that, stat.

Other life update:


- My brother is currently admitted to the hospital for dengue and it's hard seeing him so weak like that. Still has the appetite for cupcakes and McD though, that rascal. Prayers for his speedy recovery would be appreciated!

- Also, bought ticket to see Yuna a month from now and can't wait! I'd say Yuna is my second favorite musician after Taylor Swift, and that's huge okay hehe.

- Currently reading Amy Poehler's book and loving it so far! I just realized I'm into biographies lately, especially female celebs in Hollywood? I've read Ellen's, Tina Fey's, Mindy Kaling's, Oprah's, and now Amy's. Maybe I should do a review for all these! They're all so inspiring and different in their own ways.

- I'm staying away from Instagram until... further notice. No specific reason for getting rid of it really, no drama with anybody, nobody I want to avoid in particular. I just felt like I was spending too much time on Instagram maybe. So I thought it was all too much let's take a break. So far I'm doing great and for something I check everyday without fail, I don't have any impulse to check it at all right now. Maybe I'll stop for good.

Till next time!