Prayers

I don't usually like redundant prayers.  I remember how I prayed for many years as a child for meal time:

"Dear Heavenly Father.  We thank thee for this day.  We thank thee for this food.  Please bless it to nourish and strengthen our bodies and minds.  We say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."  

Short.  Purposeful.  Not a lot of meaning, but I guess at least I prayed, right?  I also remember as I got older and started to think of other things to pray for at meal time.  When I would be at my grandparent's, the Hane's house and attempt this my Grandpa Hane would give me his frustrated look at the end of the prayer and say something like, "You must like to eat your spaghetti cold."  He never did like my long prayers, but he always appreciated my faith and dedication.  Granny Hane would say, "Oh, Paul." 

Now I get to enjoy our children learning to pray.  Sometimes we are in a rush (too much of the time) and I feel like they need to move on a little faster.  Yet, I would never say that to them because I feel it's wrong for me to interfere in their communications with their Father in Heaven.  I always want them to feel like that is their time to talk with him so when they have personal prayers they can feel that he is really listening.  Currently, these are how each of them are praying:

James - He's already doing a lot of repetitive prayers, but a couple times a week he thinks of something that's going on right now for him and talks with Heavenly Father about it.  It's usually someone he knows is sick or being thankful for friends or family coming to visit.  He's a tenderhearted kid with so much love to give.

Jade - She is very mindful of everyone always.  She lists people one by one in her prayers she wants to remember and always prays for Daddy to come home safely when he's traveling for work.  My favorite part of her prayers right now is, "Please help us be nice and kind and nursharing and loving and Jesus."  It sounds like she took the word sharing and mixed it with nursery (her class at church).  It's so adorable and sweet.  She also often follows in James' pattern of thanking for visitors that came by or getting to play with friends.

Austin - He is only 8 months old, but he sure prays harder and more often than anyone else in our family.  He is often in this position:

He's doing it so much that I often thank him for praying for me because I always need as many prayers as I can get.  I'm grateful for my three sweet examples that remind me to pray.  I pray they always know He is there for them in the best times and the worst.  I know His open arms have been for me.  Pray always.

This one is just for fun because that lip is just too adorable...

Look Up

I didn't get much sleep last night trying to get stuff ready for girl's camp, but it was nice visiting time with Granny Joy while she was helping me.  I went to bed at 2am-ish and then up at 5am to put the pot-luck together for Shanna and Larisa to take to camp at 6am with the girls.  Just Austin and I running around town from 6am until 10am this morning getting 2 new tires (goodbye, $500 I didn't want to spend), editing and developing picture "tokens" of girls for camp to take to them that afternoon, sheets/bedding for girls who forgot theirs, snacks for girls, and finally back to my house to get a shower (don't know the last time I got one of those) to head to girls camp.  I was lucky enough to get to go to girl's camp for the day with Kimberlina because Felicia was awesome enough to watch James and Jade today.  In all the early morning running around I did get to stop at a few lights and look up.  It's amazing what it changes in you to pause and just look up at the blue sky and white clouds to realize there is still someone above watching out for all of us.  He was watching out for me in all the moments of my phone calls, texts, busy, busy, busy, busy to get it all done.  He loves us and wants everyone to be happy, get along and just enjoy this beautiful world around us.

I'm so grateful I got to go to camp even just for a few hours.  I love camp and know the my girls will grow from the amazing experience it is.  Camp always was a testimony-builder for me.  I did get to pause and look around me more at the wonderful friends and beauties of his creation.  I even got to take a little piece of camp home with me - a cute backpack to remember the 100 years of Young Women Camping and some mosquito bites.

TJ going out of town :(

I hate when TJ has to be gone one or two nights, but FIVE nights?  Not happy.  I will miss him.  He says he will miss us.  Thank goodness for Skype :)

I try to keep myself busy and accomplish things, but I'm so much better when he's closer by and around more.  We'll see how this week of me with 3 kids alone plays outs.  I've already got nights planned to slumber party at the Great Granny's houses.  They are a huge help and we always have fun!  Girls camp starts Tuesday and I'll be headed there with Tia Kimberlina for the day (Austin's coming too).  Yet, I know it will all be a little hectic getting back to life-as-usual at the Angus household since we've been gone for a week.  I've loving my husband,kids, and life.  I just wish all the "other stuff" would stay away for a while (i.e. laundry, dishes, cleaning, bills, organizing, etc.).  I know all these daily care things have a great purpose in teaching us about life, but right now I'm not on that page.  I can't even think about one thing when I think about them all together so I will just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

James asked me this morning if I could teach him how to wash the dishes by hand.  A little shocked I asked where that "activity" idea emerged and he said he just wanted to learn.  Then he says, "Oh yea, Mom.  You've got to teach me how to do laundry too."  What?!  So I say, "Are you planning on moving out on your own soon?"  He says he's not, but I better keep a look out.  I'll be thrilled to teach him these important life skills, but I expect his enthusiasm to wane a little through the years.

I love when I pick up Austin from sleeping and he has his little fists squeezed underneath his chin, head turned, and lips puckered out.  It's my favorite baby-look and I know it won't last forever.  I'll just keep cuddling him as much as possible - even when all the "other stuff" is calling my name.

Blue Jean Eugene

Jade got a new Disney magnet board with cut-outs of Rapunzel and Tiana.  She's putting the scenes together and dressing up the princesses and asks, "Where's Blue Jean?"  It took me a minute and then I realized she meant Eugene.  Fuuuuunny!  I really think she got Blue Jean because James loves the country song, "Barefoot Blue Jean Night," and talks about it often.  I love where the kids get these hilarious correlations from.

Jade's Fav Songs

We got into the hotel tonight in West Memphis, Arkansas.  We are on our way back from Wisconsin.  It was after 11pm and Jade was wide awake (crazy!) so I was helping her get ready for bed.  She's singing, "I'll be there for you, this is not a drive by, I...I.I.I."  Gotta love that our daughter knows this song with it's not-so-appropriate lyrics by Train (thanks, Daddy).  Anyway, we had just been listening to the soundtrack from Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou? and the song, "You are my Sunshine" is on it.  Jade sings her version "Drive By" and immediately pops out with, "You are my Sunshine and Drive By...those are my favvvvvorite!"  These songs are totally different genres, centuries, etc.  All I can say is at least her tastes are diversified (like mine).  I love my crazy little music lovers and their songs are hilarious.

Getting Back

I've realized after looking back on what I still need to blog about from the last 11 months (pregnancy really put me back on this area of my life), that I have missed some very memorable things I just don't want to forget.  Since my purpose for this was to be our family journal I'm going to make it that way.  There are things still reserved for my personal journal, of course.  Yet, there is so much that the kids say or do or just thoughts that cross my mind that I want to have to look back on when I'm reminiscing.

I was recently inspired from a blog I rediscovered, www.nieniedialogues.com .   Stephanie Nielson is a mom like me just trying to appreciate the daily lives we live.  She has gone through a major trial recently that effects her everyday, but when I read her daily blog posts they are simply about her family, her feelings, etc.  Most of it isn't filled with pictures, but simply a way to remember her family's daily goings-on.  I want to live in the present.  So this is my new quest with the blog.  TJ was also inspiring with his wonderful thoughts about home births and Austin's Down Syndrome diagnosis.  I realized that all my posts before were filled with pictures.  I LOVE pictures!  However, not every post has to have a picture and I can just go back and add one later for my annual books I plan to publish someday for our family to look back on.  So here is the start of a little something new.

This is a funny story about TJ from going to our pediatrician with Austin.  Austin was only 36 hours old so remember that when you read the story (lack of sleep is the major factor :):

Our children's great pediatrician, Dr. McCrory was asking a run-down of questions of Austin's physical health and behaviors.  How long is he sleeping?  Any complications at birth?  You get the idea.  So, she got to the question, "Is he peeing and pooping?"  As TJ describes his thoughts, "She just said 'poop' and my five-year-old brain kicks into gear trying to come up with something funny to say."  I (Tiffany) had already answered "yes" and she's already gone on to ask something else, but TJ hasn't said his funny thing yet.  Well, TJ finally comes up with it in his exhausted slower thinking and doesn't realize he missed the timing.   Dr. McCrory's next question is, "Is he breastfeeding?" to which TJ immediately replies, "Are you talking about me or the baby?"  I wish I had a picture of the looks of me, Dr. McCrory, Nurse Ashley and Nurse Lisa.  I know TJ likes to make funny comments, but I couldn't believe he just said that.  Dr. McCrory came back with the best quick comment, "Well, I know you're not."  TJ immediately explained he was responding to the last question, but by that point I couldn't even remember what the last question was because I was in shock he would say that.  He's at least gotten some sleep since then :)

To: My Beautiful Son, Austin (Who will one day prefer that I don’t call him beautiful)

From: Your Loving Father (Who promises not to call you beautiful in front of your friends)

Austin,

Almost 2 weeks ago you came into our lives. Truth be told, we had been waiting on you for the past 9 months. Mom was ready for you to get here! Yesterday we found out something Mommy and I already knew in our hearts. Yesterday, you were diagnosed with Down Syndrome. Austin, we are not worried. We feel like you are a blessing in our lives. There is nothing that can change that. On that night that you arrived in our home you helped Mommy accomplish two things she has always wanted to do - you were born at home and you were born “naturally” (Naturally = a lot of screaming and clawing at Daddy’s arm). We felt a peace that night that was different from anything I think either of us has felt before. It was an awesome experience. That night Thalia, our midwife, told me that she was concerned you might have Downs and that we needed to get you to the doctor to make sure. I was surprised that what she said didn’t worry me. Austin, ever since Mommy and I got married I felt that we would have a child with special needs. As I watched your mom and I grow over the years I became more and more convinced that it would happen. That night, as I held you in my arms and watched you sleep, I came to know how much God loves you, and me, and our family. We’ve been waiting on you for some time now, and we are so happy to have you with us. You will never need to fear not being loved, because you are so loved. Mommy told me, after the midwives had left, that the first time she held you, she also thought you might have Downs. Her first thought was for your tiny little heart. Austin, we want you to know that we will never look on you as anything but a blessing to our family. You’re stuck with us, so you better get used to being an Angus! You have a brother and a sister who have also been looking forward to your arrival. James is ready and willing to teach you anything you want to know, and help you grow and play, and learn. Jade’s only concern at the moment is that you learn quickly to kick a soccer ball. There is no doubt you were meant for us and us for you. Life will hold some different challenges now, but nothing that we can’t handle together. The scriptures tell us “… In all things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” We are honored to have you with us, and without you our family would not be complete. Your Mommy is one of the strongest, caring, and loving women I know. She has so much love to give you. You will soon find out that she is an amazing person (As proof to this statement I present the fact that she has been married to me for almost 10 years, and isn’t tired of me yet!). Our home is perfect for you, and I hope and pray that you will feel the love that we have for you. I hope you know that we are ready and willing to help you learn and grow. We will give you every opportunity that you want. You are amazing, my beautiful baby boy. We have received so many tender mercies from God, and we feel so blessed that you are with us. I promise that you will experience skinned knees, bee stings, bike crashes, and many other things that little boys do. But with them you will also experience the love, hugs, and kisses that come from a family that would not be complete without you. We love you Austin. Welcome home.

Love,

Daddy (who will always secretly think of you as beautiful)

To our family and Friends;

We wanted a way to let everyone know about Austin in a way that would let you all know that we are OK with it. We really have felt at peace. We have great friends and family and are so excited to have this sweet blessing in our lives. We do not feel cheated or sad. We are mindful that the future may hold some challenges, but doesn’t it always? We are grateful for the trust that our Heavenly Father has in us to have Austin in our lives. There is an old adage says that it takes a village to raise a child. At some point many of you will have an influence in his life as you have had in the lives of our other children. We plan on treating him the same as James and Jade. We hope you will to. Thank you all for your love and support. We have faith, and know that God is good. He is with us. The scriptures say “We love him because he first loved us.” We are honored and truly amazed at the blessing of having Austin. We are aware of parents who have children that go through, and as a result themselves, so much more than we have, or will have to. We pray for them also. Families are meant to be forever. We are nothing less than grateful for our newest addition, Austin Paul Angus!

For more information on Down Syndrome you can go here http://www.ndss.org/

To: My Amazing Wife, Who Is Smarter Than I Am. From: Your Amazed Husband Who Is Grateful For Your Intelligence.

When you told me several months ago that you wanted to have our baby at home, I knew you had lost your mind. At Home? Seriously? We don't have any monitors, nurses, or fancy beds that come apart. A home isn't where you have a baby! A home is where you bring a baby to AFTER you have him at the hospital! They check to make sure I have, in my infinite wisdom, installed the car seat correctly before they let us leave. Isn't that smart? Who will check that at home? The neighbor? He's not a certified car seat inspector! I distinctly remember that you didn't care about most of my arguments. In fact your mind was made up. I could have boycotted, but that wouldn't have gotten me anywhere. So finally I went. I met the midwives, they were nice. They SEEMED knowledgeable, and they answered all of the questions that I had, MAYBE a little too well. Like they had practiced those lines over and over.... that must be it, I told myself. Yep, I was still convinced, I was right, you were crazy. Hospitals are for Baby's, homes are for ..... not for baby's. I mean, well you know what I mean right? does that make sense? Doesn't matter, your crazy.
Somewhere in the midst of then and last night, I got more on board. MAYBE you weren't completely crazy. Just a little. Nevertheless I supported you because, well, I have to live with you. Then, something very strange happened. Yesterday morning when you told me that you were having contractions every 5 minutes and I should stay home from church, I felt... calm. I knew that was the day. I knew that those " too knowledgeable for their own good" midwives would be on their way at some point. No matter, I was calm. I sensed that you were in good hands. As the day progressed, and you did too, I noticed that I wasn't antsy. Things seemed right. We didn't have to hurry to the hospital, we didn't have to be admitted, we were just here. The midwives came to us. As soon as they got here they set up shop. They checked you. They let you do what you needed to to get through it. They included me. I started to realize that things weren't the worse case scenario that I had in my head. I know you were in pain, but YOU WERE AWESOME! I am amazed at your strength (you really clawed my arm to pieces a few times). I kid! Your strength of character is phenomenal. I don't believe that I could every truly express the depth of love I felt for you as I saw you do everything you could to help Austin come into this world, healthy and happy. I said it before, you are amazing. I noticed, through it all, that we could focus on one another. Those beeps and buzzes of the delivery room that I thought I needed, were comforting in their absence. I wasn't looking at monitors or stressing over heart rates, I was looking at you. You were looking at the ceiling, bed post, the pillows, basically whatever would get your mind of the pain! I saw how much you went through to bless our family. That is the kind of love that only a mother can give. Thank you, for showing me that. The midwives were great. You did awesome. All is well. Turns out, you aren't crazy. At least on this point. The only thing I wish would have been different is if I would have come up with it myself. Thank you for proving me wrong. You are a testament to womanhood. And don't worry, I talked to the neighbors... they heard the screaming, thought we were fighting, and were relived to know, for my sake, that you were having a baby! We're all proud of you! Great Job!

Love,

Your not so worried anymore husband.