Sunday, February 27, 2011
"you asked me why i keep on loving you when its clear that you dont feel the same way for me. the problem is that as much as i cant force you to love me, i cant force myself to stop loving you."
Friday, February 18, 2011
992th post.
992 drama episodes of my life. about guys who broke my heart and starting all over.
'make it happen!'
im still waiting for my
happy ending and i shouldnt give up hope.
i know its out there, waiting to be discovered.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
every night I pat myself on the back for resisting the temptation of contacting him.
every morning I drag myself out of bed and dread the thought of going through the same motion
fml.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
ive been put on a waiting list. a very long list. a happiness list. but i am not a patient person. waiting is just not my thing. i want to make things happen.
they said,
'nothing lasts forever'. i always assumed that they meant
'happiness'. it never occur to me that it could mean
'sadness'.
im a sentimental person, extremely emotional and passionate control freak. i like to stay inside my comfort zone. im scared to venture out and take risks. adventurous is never my forte. who knows what is out there? there is simply no guarantee that i can make it safely back to my comfort zone.
but they said
fear is a good thing. to fear of losing someone or simply your sanity, proves you
have something that you want to hold on to. im beginning to see both sides of the coin. the balance of everything, of life is getting clearer. i just have to open my eyes.
good night.
Friday, February 11, 2011
why do i think about you?
i think about you when im alone. when i just want to think about you. when i hear a particular word, see a particular object or number. it feels like you have never left my mind. you are always inside of me. i could almost hear your voice when im alone with my thoughts. i could almost see you when i close my eyes.
i just want you to stay a little longer. your presence calms me, even though it is only in spirit.
every night before i sleep, i whisper 'goodnight baby.' somehow this little habit makes me sleep like a baby.
11 Feb 2011 02:37
at dubai renaissance. had a good run this noon. wanted to go back to e gym after resting from dinner, but lazed and watched 'it's complicated.'
i need to remember how good i felt after a run. *makes a mental note
women should marry younger men. because we outlived men. that is a fact. and it is tough watching your life partner leaves right before your eyes. and to spend the rest of your days alone, that is sad.
im trying to take things easy. a step at a time. don't think too much. if it meant to happen, it will.
good night.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
i woke up with an overwhelming sense of sadness and i cried. its the second time this week.
its not because of what happened. its because nothing happened.
i want to improve my relationship with my dad but i dont know how to. cant remember the last time i felt so lost.
i really want to contact him but whats e point? he wont reply my messages anyways. i dont know what to say anyways.
was at the church during chinese new year. and the father was talking about forgiveness. i have already forgiven him but he hasnt forgive himself. he broke my heart twice.
i am a very emotional and passionate person. probably too emotional at times.
i spent too many nights sleeping alone and too many mornings waking up alone.
i dont want to think about you anymore. it still hurts so bad.
i want to find someone to love. someone who is worthy of my love.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
i knew exactly who you are.
but i loved you anyway.
you dont deserve me at all. im simply too good for you.
love is, knowing that person's flaws and love them anyways.
my present and new motto: Be the change you want to see in yourself.
(motivated by Mahatma Gandhi, 'be the change you want to see in the world.')
no more procrastinating. time to get a move on things. i want to be a 'get things done' person.
"just because the past is painful, doesnt mean the future will be. so never let events from the past, change the events for future. or you will be miserable forever." -from my favorite quotes blog. Saturday, February 05, 2011
i know I think too much at times. but I just can't help myself. I really don't want this but how do I stop?
I'm so fucking miserable. this totally sucks.
guess the only thing I can think of is distract myself. find something useful to do with my time. and I have to think about that too. argh! fml! what am I going to do with my life?
feel so lost and confused. this feeling comes and goes.
why does he keep popping inside my head? why do I miss him so? I know I don't love the present him anymore. maybe I miss the old him. the one that I fell for years ago. or perhaps I'm just too lonely.
take a deep breath. relax. and clear your mind.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
