Life.. it's all about going through, breaking through and living through. There are always things that we went through in life that made us more mature thinking, made us letting go on certain things, or even immune.
I used to live in a place where a lot of people knows who I really am, knows what I like. Though I'd been back for 3 years, my interests never change. I still love to do what I love to do, I still love to explore what I love to explore, I still love to try the things that I never tried before, I still love the songs and singers who I used to love, so on and so forth. I can do whatever to bring myself to that state again, but I know there are certain limitations in this country. Regardless how much we want people to come to know us better, but in reality, it doesn't, who cares? Hehe.. I'm loving the fact that I'm who I am for who I am, I know who I am for who I am. Even if there is no one who's interested in me, so what? God created us so uniquely that it's just in us, and He is interested and joyful to see us happy to do what we love to do and just being who we are, and the fact that He knows every little secret in me, made me love Him even more.
I loving my life, just the way it is, with the friends and the people whom I love, and that's enough. :)
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
Stop and think!
I had a very meaningful talk with my fellow colleagues today. I don't think it's a coincidence that I read this book "Be the Right You" by Vanessa Tan at the same time.
What is the life that we are living in now? How do you define "a successful life"? How do you define "an empowered life"?
"If you are not a wife to your husband, a mother to your child, a daughter to your parents, a boss to your employees, an employee to your boss, then who are you?"
We constantly living in a role. When we are in a role, whether you like it or not there's a certain expectation that has been put unto you. When you are a wife to your husband, your husband or parents or parents in law will expect a baby, to clean the house, to cook for the family. When you are a mother to your child, your child will always expect you to be around to play with, your husband or parents or parents in law will expect you to teach and bring up your kids well. When you are a daughter to your parents, your parents will expect you to help them with everything, live according to their expectation, find their ideal husband to get married, studied in the university that they think is most prestigous, believe in a religion that they think is the most real, etc. When you are an employee to your boss, your boss expects you to be hardworking, work according to their style and pace.
STOP and think. Is this really what you want in life?
No doubt, being a woman.. IT'S HARD! Even when I'm still single, I don't live a pleasant woman life yet! Who can understand the pressure that a woman is having? Is it the woman's hormone that have to take the blame?? If we constantly heard that parents don't really have any more years, we got to constantly just do what that makes them happy. When we strive and work so hard everyday to live in other people's expectation, am I really happy?
STOP and think again. Am I going to live long on this Earth as well? What if I got into an accident the next moment, and never wake up again?
It may sounds that whatever I think is all about me. When we constantly living in other people's expectation, who am I seriously? Is this the kind of life that I really want? Is this kind of life really successful and empowered? Even when I'm financially free, am I really successful and empowered?
I'm still thinking...
What is the life that we are living in now? How do you define "a successful life"? How do you define "an empowered life"?
"If you are not a wife to your husband, a mother to your child, a daughter to your parents, a boss to your employees, an employee to your boss, then who are you?"
We constantly living in a role. When we are in a role, whether you like it or not there's a certain expectation that has been put unto you. When you are a wife to your husband, your husband or parents or parents in law will expect a baby, to clean the house, to cook for the family. When you are a mother to your child, your child will always expect you to be around to play with, your husband or parents or parents in law will expect you to teach and bring up your kids well. When you are a daughter to your parents, your parents will expect you to help them with everything, live according to their expectation, find their ideal husband to get married, studied in the university that they think is most prestigous, believe in a religion that they think is the most real, etc. When you are an employee to your boss, your boss expects you to be hardworking, work according to their style and pace.
STOP and think. Is this really what you want in life?
No doubt, being a woman.. IT'S HARD! Even when I'm still single, I don't live a pleasant woman life yet! Who can understand the pressure that a woman is having? Is it the woman's hormone that have to take the blame?? If we constantly heard that parents don't really have any more years, we got to constantly just do what that makes them happy. When we strive and work so hard everyday to live in other people's expectation, am I really happy?
STOP and think again. Am I going to live long on this Earth as well? What if I got into an accident the next moment, and never wake up again?
It may sounds that whatever I think is all about me. When we constantly living in other people's expectation, who am I seriously? Is this the kind of life that I really want? Is this kind of life really successful and empowered? Even when I'm financially free, am I really successful and empowered?
I'm still thinking...
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Await for God to move
I choose to be contended. I choose not to compare. I choose to believe that my God is greater that He will provide when He thinks I deserve it, when He thinks I'm qualified for it. I choose to believe in Jesus Christ. I choose to wait upon God's blessings and breakthrough upon my life. Amen and amen! :))
Greater is He who is in me than He is in the world. - 1 John 4:4
Greater is He who is in me than He is in the world. - 1 John 4:4
Monday, October 28, 2013
Timely Word...
Jesus took his friends just as they were and that always meant there was potential for hurt and disappointment. But this wasn't a deciding factor for Him. He loved them from the start to the end. And that meant having reasonable expectations of them, knowing what we humans are like (prone to getting it badly, badly wrong!) So He didn't lose the plot, even when they did. At the same time, He didn't lower His own high standards. Jesus loved without conditions or pressure. You can do it too. That may be easier to say than do, especially when someone's doing your head in. The perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect boss, the perfect church, the perfect neighbourhood, the perfect school, the perfect friend - none of them exist! God knows that and He never commands you to do something without giving you the ability to carry it out. Through the process of loving others, He promises you'll become more like Him. Is there someone in your life you need to be more gracious towards? Be real with God and allow Him to lighten your load.
All the disciples were all works-in-progress, just like you and me. Now we're looking up - and seeing who Jesus really is. He's not a work-in-process, but the uncreated totally amazing complete God of all. In Revelation 4:15:14, there's a stunning description of Him in Heaven. Before you dwell on your own struggles, challenges and frustrations, take the time to look at God, and put Him first place in your mind and life.
The biggest temptation we all face is to put ourselves on the throne within our hearts. It's human nature for God and others to slip down to second place.
Sometimes the feeling that life is treating us unfairly is really a loss of perspective. Romans 12:3 NIV tells us, 'Don't think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement.' It's clear God doesn't want you wallowing in a pity party, looking inwards. But what does He want? He wants to catapult you into place as a son or a daughter of the King described in Revelation 4 & 5. The Sovereign King of the Universe is your heavenly Dad. What a perspective to have on your life, looking outwards and upwards, not inwards in self-interested pity. And what a God to look up to! Do you have it and know it? If not, look up!
Revelation 4 & 5. Get a picture of the greatness and goodness of God in your head. Then, ask Him to lock it in.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Just a thought.. 2 :)
I remember I got a friend in Melb who once told me that I'm a person who waits. I'll take that as a compliment. That's what makes me so special ehy? Little did I realise, I really am very good in waiting. Waiting to grow up, waited and still waiting to further my studies, waited to get my visa to study overseas, waited to finish studies, waited for graduation, waited to come back Malaysia for good, waited to find a job that meets all my requirement, waited for a good partner in life, waiting to have real genuine friends in life, waiting to progress in the church, waiting for career enhancement, waiting to earn slightly more money to do more things in life, waiting to pursue the desire of my life.
A lot of things it's easier said than done. To me, the most important thing is to wait for the perfect God timing. I'm a person who rarely took risk, and I think I can't afford to at this moment of my life. I always believe a God timing is the best timing. It's never too fast, it's never too late either but one thing that can be assured, it's the best and perfect. All these will come as a reward if we are willing to wait upon the Lord.
I finally realised why the bf and my siblings doesn't simply share their heart out. I was totally opposite from them. I always tend to shared my heart out, my thoughts. And I realised sometimes it's really better to keep it to yourself than to share it out. When it's out, it's out for judgement, it's out for comments, it's out for accusation. A lot of times I may be accused as "COMPLAINING". Hence I think that's why quite a number of people whether they are closed to me or just acquaintance somehow tend to go against who I really am. Indirectly, manipulation and the spirit of controlling will lure in order to convince me that I should think like them or go their way, or do like what they do. Well, not that this will affect who I am as a person or affect me emotionally. However many times we just want listeners and supporters. Well, we do have ups and downs time. Sometimes, there maybe difficult people in your life. Admit it.
So what's the point of saying it out? I believe Jesus is my helper and the man who will carry a Samurai and fight the life battle for me. In due time, things will surface and be solved according to His timing. A lot of times misunderstanding do exist. In our normal human thinking, we'll tend to explain to get ourselves out of it. We tend to explain to try to gain favour from someone. But what's the point? Are we trying to protect ourselves? If someone is willing to protect you, and believes in you, misunderstand won't even exist. I ever wonder will God misunderstand me since He knows me thoroughly without even needing anyone complaining to Him who I really am.
A lot of things it's easier said than done. To me, the most important thing is to wait for the perfect God timing. I'm a person who rarely took risk, and I think I can't afford to at this moment of my life. I always believe a God timing is the best timing. It's never too fast, it's never too late either but one thing that can be assured, it's the best and perfect. All these will come as a reward if we are willing to wait upon the Lord.
I finally realised why the bf and my siblings doesn't simply share their heart out. I was totally opposite from them. I always tend to shared my heart out, my thoughts. And I realised sometimes it's really better to keep it to yourself than to share it out. When it's out, it's out for judgement, it's out for comments, it's out for accusation. A lot of times I may be accused as "COMPLAINING". Hence I think that's why quite a number of people whether they are closed to me or just acquaintance somehow tend to go against who I really am. Indirectly, manipulation and the spirit of controlling will lure in order to convince me that I should think like them or go their way, or do like what they do. Well, not that this will affect who I am as a person or affect me emotionally. However many times we just want listeners and supporters. Well, we do have ups and downs time. Sometimes, there maybe difficult people in your life. Admit it.
So what's the point of saying it out? I believe Jesus is my helper and the man who will carry a Samurai and fight the life battle for me. In due time, things will surface and be solved according to His timing. A lot of times misunderstanding do exist. In our normal human thinking, we'll tend to explain to get ourselves out of it. We tend to explain to try to gain favour from someone. But what's the point? Are we trying to protect ourselves? If someone is willing to protect you, and believes in you, misunderstand won't even exist. I ever wonder will God misunderstand me since He knows me thoroughly without even needing anyone complaining to Him who I really am.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Yay! It's October :)
Woohoo.. Here comes October! A month that I always look forward to, and it has always been one of my favourite months of the year.
All the days of my life, I tend to disregard the importance of my own birthday. I realised in every single person, there is a fear of disappointment when it comes to their birthday. Well, I admit I did have it too. Hence, I'll always make sure that the people who I love and concern will feel special and love on their birthday. I used to love to have a bunch of closed friends together, a surprise from friends and family who are closed to me. God had indeed fulfilled my wish in 2010. Truly I know I'm blessed with amazing friends. In 2012, God surprised me with my great colleagues who fulfilled this wish of mine as well! These three years, while I'm away from my family and my good friends, God has developed a dear in my heart that no matter where I am, I'm contended and reminded to enjoy myself and my life to the fullest even when I'm alone.
This year, I can't wait to spend my birthday with my family and my bf at the place where I grew up in. My parents who I haven't be with for my last 9 birthdays. As I grew up, seeing my parents growing old, spending my birthday with my family is the most special time for me. I love them to the core, hence I buy myself a birthday gift, a to-and-fro air ticket, to go back to my hometown to be with them.
My expectations for the new year ahead:
1) First love restored
2) Doubt abolished
3) Health restored
4) Freedom established
5) Vision reignited
6) Promises reinstated
7) Disappointments disempowered
8) Limitations diminished
9) Aspirations surrended
10) Family's salvation
11) Christ EXALTED.
All the days of my life, I tend to disregard the importance of my own birthday. I realised in every single person, there is a fear of disappointment when it comes to their birthday. Well, I admit I did have it too. Hence, I'll always make sure that the people who I love and concern will feel special and love on their birthday. I used to love to have a bunch of closed friends together, a surprise from friends and family who are closed to me. God had indeed fulfilled my wish in 2010. Truly I know I'm blessed with amazing friends. In 2012, God surprised me with my great colleagues who fulfilled this wish of mine as well! These three years, while I'm away from my family and my good friends, God has developed a dear in my heart that no matter where I am, I'm contended and reminded to enjoy myself and my life to the fullest even when I'm alone.
This year, I can't wait to spend my birthday with my family and my bf at the place where I grew up in. My parents who I haven't be with for my last 9 birthdays. As I grew up, seeing my parents growing old, spending my birthday with my family is the most special time for me. I love them to the core, hence I buy myself a birthday gift, a to-and-fro air ticket, to go back to my hometown to be with them.
My expectations for the new year ahead:
1) First love restored
2) Doubt abolished
3) Health restored
4) Freedom established
5) Vision reignited
6) Promises reinstated
7) Disappointments disempowered
8) Limitations diminished
9) Aspirations surrended
10) Family's salvation
11) Christ EXALTED.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name
When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless stand before the throne.
Christ alone; cornertone
Weak made strong in the Saviour's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all
Friday, September 20, 2013
Mooncake festival...
This morning, I called my mom and said.. "Mom, every year mooncake festival, I always miss grandma."
Mooncake festival... it has always been a time when I'll never forget. I'll always miss my grandma every time during this time of the year the most. I'll always be reminded that life is so fragile this time every year.
Exactly 13 years ago, my dad asked my grandma (the only grandparent that I had during that time) to come to our house for dinner together, a family dinner. Still able to walk, still seems healthy, still talking and having dinner together. Two days later, when my dad was outstation, a phone rang break the dawn silence. In the dark, with my ears, I heard my mom took the car keys, the beep unlock sound of my mom's car, the sound of the gate opened, and the sound of her driving off. I knew.. something is not right. I was pretending to sleep and waiting for my mom to come back. She left for almost 2 hours. The phone rang at 4am plus.
The moment when she was back, she said.. "Change your clothes now. Grandma had passed away already."
I was just 13 years old. Just entered secondary school.
I asked, "Why? What happened? What happened to grandma? I thought we just had dinner together two days ago?"
My mom said, "We all suspected that she got a heart attack." My mom told me the whole process of what happened. She then called my dad immediately to ask him to come back from his business trip.
My siblings and I changed obediently, we were sent to our auntie's house while the adults were settling all the funeral stuff.
I obeyed, I was still young. Scared. Never expected that I wouldn't be able to see my grandma again. The time when my auntie said my grandma's house is ready. We were asked to change our clothes to all white and my auntie sent us to her house. With the gate wide open, all the relatives all gathered. I went into the house, where I saw her body. My dad was back, sitting at the feet of my grandma, and burn paper money. (I wasn't a Christian back then, and my parents aren't Christians too.) His eyes were red, wet.
The reason why I remembered it so clearly, because the next day was my lunar birthday, and the following day was my dad's lunar birthday. My family has a tradition of celebrating lunar birthdays. It was my first time spending my birthday with so many relatives around me, in a funeral. It was my first time spending my dad's lunar birthday at the burial ground. We stayed in my grandma's house throughout the whole funeral, until the burial.
All these memories seem still very fresh in my mind. It seems like just yesterday. Life is indeed so fragile. With her still alive at one time, and the next second she's gone. Is it really the way that she wants us to remember her?
Well, it really does make me remember about her every single year, during mooncake festival.
Only You can make me whole
Come Holy Spirit
Fall afresh on me
Fill me with Your power
Satisfy my needs
Only You can make whole
Give me strength and to make me grow
Come Holy Spirit
Fall afresh on me
Pour it out, Lord
Pour it out, Lord
Pour it out Your spirit on me
Thursday, September 12, 2013
In Your presence I'll live
All I long for, all I hope for
Is found in You
In Your presence, in Your glory
I am found in You
Hold me in Your arms forever
Never let me go
This one thing that I seek
To dwell in Your house all the days of my life with You
Let me stay here with You
In Your presence Iʼll live
In Your presence Iʼll live with You
Open heaven
Open heaven
Open heaven
We cry out for more of You
Is found in You
In Your presence, in Your glory
I am found in You
Hold me in Your arms forever
Never let me go
This one thing that I seek
To dwell in Your house all the days of my life with You
Let me stay here with You
In Your presence Iʼll live
In Your presence Iʼll live with You
Open heaven
Open heaven
Open heaven
We cry out for more of You
Friday, August 30, 2013
Proverbs 31 Woman
Characteristics of the Proverbs 31 WomanWhen we look at all the wonderful qualities of a Proverbs 31 Woman it can be overwhelming, but if we look at each one as a pearl to thread into our life, we can start to make the strand out of them that God intends for us.
by Julia Bettencourt
Virtue. Proverbs 31:10
Faithfulness. Proverbs 31:11
Reverence. Proverbs 31:12
Goodness. Proverbs 31:12
Willing Worker. Proverbs 31:13
Good Manager. Proverbs 31:14,15
Industrious. Proverbs 31:16
Strength. Proverbs 31:17
Endurance. Proverbs 31:18
Well Rounded. Proverbs 31:19
Charitable. Proverbs 31:20
Provider. Proverbs 31:21
Well Dressed. Proverbs 31:22
Wife of a Good Husband. Proverbs 31:23
Good Business Woman. Proverbs 31:24
Honorable. Proverbs 31:25
Wise. Proverbs 31:26a
Kind. Proverbs 31:26b
Good Mother. Proverbs 31:27a
Busy. Proverbs 31:27b
Praiseworthy. Proverbs 31:28
Attains or Excels. Proverbs 31:29
Fear of the Lord. Proverbs 31:30
Fruit bearing. Proverbs 31:31
Keeping our life in tune with Christ daily is a big part of making our qualities as women something that reflects Christ, so we’ve got to work at keeping that in check. Our Bible reading, prayer life, and fellowship with the Lord is what allows us the ability to take that thread in our hands and strand our ‘pearls’ as we go through life. It makes us the strong and vibrant Christian woman that is a beautiful strand of pearls in the end.
My God never fails :)
Thank you Jesus! You calm the storm and raging seas in my heart again and again, every single time, which no one can do it like You do. No one sees my heart like You do, no one sees who I really am like You do, no one truly understand me like You do. No one in the world is like Jesus!
Jesus, the lover of my soul.
Jesus, my forever sweetheart.. <3
Jesus, the husband of my heart.. :)
The hope of all hearts is You
Your love never fails.
In the darkness, in triumphs,
My soul shall sing of His mercy and kindness
Our offering of praise
Our God never fails
Our God never fails
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Get rid of it.. Part 2
A continuation of yesterday...
"Let me tell you, our God is nothing like our earthly fathers. His arms are always open wide, He will never reject you, He will never leave you, He will never forsake you, He will never break upon us, He is our Father God.
Let's get back to this girl, this woman, with a 12-years issue. Anybody got 12 years issues here? Things would have been hiding maybe for about 12 years and never really uncovered them. This woman, she's so inspiring because she's obviously had enough. It's like, "Ok, that's it." And I don't mind if you get to that place right now. If you said, "You know what, ok, it's over. I've heard about Jesus. I've been to church faithfully for 12 years." That she heard Jesus could heal her and so she broke free of that isolation. She took the risk to press in through the crowd. You think about it, if anyone had recognize her in that crowd, if anyone had seen her and as she pressing through the crowd, guess what? She's making everyone in her law, anyone that she's passing through, unclean. Whereas before she never take the risk, before she lived in isolation, before she spent all her money on doctors trying to get better but getting worse. You see, isn't it amazing that we'll try everything else but Jesus. We would try to go to our counsellors, we would try to go to our psycologists, we would try to go to our doctors with medication and we would try to spend all our time and effort but there is One who will heal you, there is One who will deliver you, there is One who will free you. His name is Jesus Christ. And this woman heard about her Saviour. So she said, "Ok, this is it. This is my time. This is my moment. I'm not gonna live in isolation. I'm not going to live in reserve because what if it doesn't happen. What if it does???"
And this woman put aside of her rejection for 12 years, she put it all away. She said, "Enough is enough. If there's someone that can heal me, I gotta get to it. Get out of my way. If there's someone that can free me, get out of my way." She said it over and over. If I just touch Him, I'll be healed. If I just touch Him. This is what this conference is all about. "If I just touch Him, I know I'm gonna get healed. If I just touch Him, I know I'm gonna get free. If I can just make my way through, if I can just make my way through my issues, and reach out and touch Him." I know what's my time, I know I may attend 20 altar calls, 100 altar calls, this is it. This is my moment.
Today is your day. You gotta take it. You got to stop living out the back and stop sitting at the back wondering who is watching you, wondering what people are thinking. And you gotta press in, cos' you know your miracle is right at the end of your hand.
This is our wonderful God. And I just want to quickly address all those people who think they have dealt with their issues. When Jesus touches you, when you stop running, when you stop pretending, when you just say, 'Ok, I gotta get rid of these issues.' When you come out of that isolation, when you make a choice like this woman did, and said, 'I'm having enough. I want Your touch, I want Your healing.' When we really really get honest, to see at our heart where we really at and allow Him to come in. Then He does heal, and He does set you free because He is a man of His Word. He will launch you on a journey to discover it all over again.
Some of us are just like that. We get ourselves together, and we're strong and we just keep going and keep going and we get a touch of God, that's awesome and we keep going and keep going but God doesn't want that for us. He doesn't want us to just have a little experience with Him that will keep us going to the next experience. He wants to totally revolutionize us, He wants to rid us of rejection, He wants to rid us of isolation, He wants to break the power of the orphan spirits over our lives so that we can truly come into the position that He had paid the price for, with His precious blood. He wants us to come into that revelation, "I am a daughter of God. I am loved. I am significant. I am called. I am anointed. I am treasured. I am precious." That's what God wants for us. He doesn't want us to have holes in our buckets where He just pours in and it drains out. No! He wants us to have a bucket that is totally good on the bottom and then He could pour out, pressed down, shaken together, running over. That's our God. Today is a good opporunity for us to get our issues sorted. C'mon. We got to get real and said, "Ok, this Beautiful Woman in 2013 is the moment where I got my issues sorted. This is a moment where I totally forgot about isolation and rejection and said I don't want you anymore. I don't want your lies. I don't want your rubbish. I want God!! I want freedom, I want deliverance, I want love, I want job, I want it all, I want it abundantly!!! I want it so much so that I'm fat! That's what God has for us, girls. It's no longer good enough to stay on the outer, it's no longer good enough to sit in the back row, it's no longer good enough to just hide away.
Oh.. I don't know about me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. I don't know whether I'm able. I don't know whether I'm called. I don't know whether... I'm sick of you, I'm pressing in. Get out of my way. I got to touch Him, I got to reach out, I got to touch Him. I know when I touch Him, I'm gonna be healed. I just know it! It's our time, it's our moment.
Eph 1:5 For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ in the accordance with the purpose of His will. [because it pleased Him and was His kind intent].
Can you see His heart for us? Can you hear His heartbeat for you as His daughter? Some of you still find it hard to believe, received.
Too many of us have insecurity. Too many of us live out of our securities. And what do because we live in our orphan spirit and isolating spirit. It turns out to be 'What I can do to find significance', 'Who I can be', 'Who people can see me so that I can get this acceptance, so that I can get this love'. It's an earning thing and so we drive ourselves and we press ourselves and we push ourselves. Why? Because we wanting true love, we wanting true acceptance. We don't want to be on the outer, we don't want to be isolated. But when we are in that pattern, it only isolate us even more. If we are listening to the voice of insecurity, it's a voice that we'll perpetually put us in isolation and rejection because we will never please everybody all the time. It'll just put us in a cycle. We thought we keep some goals, we thought we got to relax. And then they just change their mind and now we're, "there I am again. How can I find a way to get accepted now? Do I change my hair colour, do I change what I wear, do I change my language? What do I do? I got to work on this thing. Oh it's exhausting!!!"
Where all He says is "Come here, come here, let Me pick you up, let Me hold you. You are My beloved. I think about you ALL the time. I'm pleased with you. You're beautiful. Look at your eyes, look at your face. I put that together and I did that in love. That was my intent to create you as My daughter."
Let's run to the arms of our Father."
"Let me tell you, our God is nothing like our earthly fathers. His arms are always open wide, He will never reject you, He will never leave you, He will never forsake you, He will never break upon us, He is our Father God.
Let's get back to this girl, this woman, with a 12-years issue. Anybody got 12 years issues here? Things would have been hiding maybe for about 12 years and never really uncovered them. This woman, she's so inspiring because she's obviously had enough. It's like, "Ok, that's it." And I don't mind if you get to that place right now. If you said, "You know what, ok, it's over. I've heard about Jesus. I've been to church faithfully for 12 years." That she heard Jesus could heal her and so she broke free of that isolation. She took the risk to press in through the crowd. You think about it, if anyone had recognize her in that crowd, if anyone had seen her and as she pressing through the crowd, guess what? She's making everyone in her law, anyone that she's passing through, unclean. Whereas before she never take the risk, before she lived in isolation, before she spent all her money on doctors trying to get better but getting worse. You see, isn't it amazing that we'll try everything else but Jesus. We would try to go to our counsellors, we would try to go to our psycologists, we would try to go to our doctors with medication and we would try to spend all our time and effort but there is One who will heal you, there is One who will deliver you, there is One who will free you. His name is Jesus Christ. And this woman heard about her Saviour. So she said, "Ok, this is it. This is my time. This is my moment. I'm not gonna live in isolation. I'm not going to live in reserve because what if it doesn't happen. What if it does???"
And this woman put aside of her rejection for 12 years, she put it all away. She said, "Enough is enough. If there's someone that can heal me, I gotta get to it. Get out of my way. If there's someone that can free me, get out of my way." She said it over and over. If I just touch Him, I'll be healed. If I just touch Him. This is what this conference is all about. "If I just touch Him, I know I'm gonna get healed. If I just touch Him, I know I'm gonna get free. If I can just make my way through, if I can just make my way through my issues, and reach out and touch Him." I know what's my time, I know I may attend 20 altar calls, 100 altar calls, this is it. This is my moment.
Today is your day. You gotta take it. You got to stop living out the back and stop sitting at the back wondering who is watching you, wondering what people are thinking. And you gotta press in, cos' you know your miracle is right at the end of your hand.
This is our wonderful God. And I just want to quickly address all those people who think they have dealt with their issues. When Jesus touches you, when you stop running, when you stop pretending, when you just say, 'Ok, I gotta get rid of these issues.' When you come out of that isolation, when you make a choice like this woman did, and said, 'I'm having enough. I want Your touch, I want Your healing.' When we really really get honest, to see at our heart where we really at and allow Him to come in. Then He does heal, and He does set you free because He is a man of His Word. He will launch you on a journey to discover it all over again.
Some of us are just like that. We get ourselves together, and we're strong and we just keep going and keep going and we get a touch of God, that's awesome and we keep going and keep going but God doesn't want that for us. He doesn't want us to just have a little experience with Him that will keep us going to the next experience. He wants to totally revolutionize us, He wants to rid us of rejection, He wants to rid us of isolation, He wants to break the power of the orphan spirits over our lives so that we can truly come into the position that He had paid the price for, with His precious blood. He wants us to come into that revelation, "I am a daughter of God. I am loved. I am significant. I am called. I am anointed. I am treasured. I am precious." That's what God wants for us. He doesn't want us to have holes in our buckets where He just pours in and it drains out. No! He wants us to have a bucket that is totally good on the bottom and then He could pour out, pressed down, shaken together, running over. That's our God. Today is a good opporunity for us to get our issues sorted. C'mon. We got to get real and said, "Ok, this Beautiful Woman in 2013 is the moment where I got my issues sorted. This is a moment where I totally forgot about isolation and rejection and said I don't want you anymore. I don't want your lies. I don't want your rubbish. I want God!! I want freedom, I want deliverance, I want love, I want job, I want it all, I want it abundantly!!! I want it so much so that I'm fat! That's what God has for us, girls. It's no longer good enough to stay on the outer, it's no longer good enough to sit in the back row, it's no longer good enough to just hide away.
Oh.. I don't know about me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. I don't know whether I'm able. I don't know whether I'm called. I don't know whether... I'm sick of you, I'm pressing in. Get out of my way. I got to touch Him, I got to reach out, I got to touch Him. I know when I touch Him, I'm gonna be healed. I just know it! It's our time, it's our moment.
Eph 1:5 For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ in the accordance with the purpose of His will. [because it pleased Him and was His kind intent].
Can you see His heart for us? Can you hear His heartbeat for you as His daughter? Some of you still find it hard to believe, received.
Too many of us have insecurity. Too many of us live out of our securities. And what do because we live in our orphan spirit and isolating spirit. It turns out to be 'What I can do to find significance', 'Who I can be', 'Who people can see me so that I can get this acceptance, so that I can get this love'. It's an earning thing and so we drive ourselves and we press ourselves and we push ourselves. Why? Because we wanting true love, we wanting true acceptance. We don't want to be on the outer, we don't want to be isolated. But when we are in that pattern, it only isolate us even more. If we are listening to the voice of insecurity, it's a voice that we'll perpetually put us in isolation and rejection because we will never please everybody all the time. It'll just put us in a cycle. We thought we keep some goals, we thought we got to relax. And then they just change their mind and now we're, "there I am again. How can I find a way to get accepted now? Do I change my hair colour, do I change what I wear, do I change my language? What do I do? I got to work on this thing. Oh it's exhausting!!!"
Where all He says is "Come here, come here, let Me pick you up, let Me hold you. You are My beloved. I think about you ALL the time. I'm pleased with you. You're beautiful. Look at your eyes, look at your face. I put that together and I did that in love. That was my intent to create you as My daughter."
Let's run to the arms of our Father."
Monday, August 26, 2013
The Issues.. Part 1
God spoke to me through every single words that comes out from Ps. Sam Evans (my spiritual role model) during Beautiful Woman 2013.
"I'm wondering today, what label are you living under that is isolated you in some way? What did people declared over you. what it is that is in your heart that no one would know the condition of your heart, no one would know what you are really going through, no one would know the deep insecurity that really is in your heart and even though you are in a large crowd like this, your issue is isolating you. That's what happened in our lives, girls. That when we go through experiences, when we suffered trauma, when we go through hard times, it has an isolating effect upon us. Now we might socialise, we might hang out, we might go to church, but something on the inside has distance us and we might get to a certain level, a certain depth of relationship, a certain closeness. But maybe there is still that issue that keep speaking to you and keep shunning you, and keep isolating you.
Careful now, they might really find out what's on the inside that you're struggling with what you go through. And this is what I'm going to target today, and I'm gonna pull it out. God does not want you isolated. He does not want you wearing a label of rejection. He does not want you being labelled in any other way than the daughter of the King.
When Elijah is going through hard times, he just had an incredible victory. You see, we can experience incredible things in God, incredible victories and then flipped over into another moment when those deep insecurities resurface again. We see Elijah in the same predicument. He has just turned the entire nation of Israel back to God and yet with one threat of his life, he ran to the wilderness. Where is that? Isolation! He left his servants behind and he went out in isolation. And this is exactly one of the plans of the enemy to isolate you. Wherever you're at right now, there is a plan of the enemy to pull you apart from the crowd, to pull you apart from the body of Christ and isolate you. Because that's where he can talk to you, that's where his lies can come and thorn you and affect upon you. Instead of being in the body and being able to say, 'You know I'm struggling with this thought, I'm struggling with this attitude, I'm struggling with this heart condition, can you help me?'
When Elijah is in the wilderness, his thoughts went crazy. His mindset went weird. He wasn't thinking right. In isolation, you don't think right. You don't have the right mindset. You don't really have the mind of Christ in isolation, in the wilderness. And that's exactly where the enemy would like you to go. This isolation separates you from nurture and care that would really help you grow. You need the body, you need the brothers and sisters-in-Christ. But the isolation can sometimes be daunting, it can sometimes be so powerful that this isolation can get under your skin and it makes you become like an orphan.
You know for an orphan there's never enough. For orphans, there's holes in their buckets. They can't get enough to be satisfied. Why? Because they were orphans. They were rejected and isolated from a very young age. And that's our natural tendency as people as human beings tend to forge out without our emotional intact. If we forged away forward by shutting down our heart, and protecting ourselves so we don't really enjoy life. We just sort of put our little toes in and think 'oh, that's nice' rather than experiencing this fullness of life and joy that God has for us. And we become independent. We think 'we'll be okay. I don't need the love of my husband. I don't need the love of my children. I don't need all that kind of thing. I'm gonna make my own way. I'm gonna make my own success.' We are trying to forge our way like an orphan desparate to survive.
Even in a meeting like this, when we worshipping and the presence of God is here, we can come with a heart of reserve. "Oh God, I don't know. Should I really give my all now? I gotta keep some of me in reserve. Should I really praise? Let me keep in reserve, because maybe it'll run out." Why? Because we've been isolated in an area of our lives, we've been drawn away in an area of our lives. And there has been a wounding of our heart and so we became really good at protecting. "I'll give a little bit but I won't give all cos' what happen if I give all? I get disappointed again and I get rejected again. And I get hurt again and isolated again." And we never get into this fullness of that love, that joy, that grace, that acceptance that is ours as His daughters."
Careful now, they might really find out what's on the inside that you're struggling with what you go through. And this is what I'm going to target today, and I'm gonna pull it out. God does not want you isolated. He does not want you wearing a label of rejection. He does not want you being labelled in any other way than the daughter of the King.
When Elijah is going through hard times, he just had an incredible victory. You see, we can experience incredible things in God, incredible victories and then flipped over into another moment when those deep insecurities resurface again. We see Elijah in the same predicument. He has just turned the entire nation of Israel back to God and yet with one threat of his life, he ran to the wilderness. Where is that? Isolation! He left his servants behind and he went out in isolation. And this is exactly one of the plans of the enemy to isolate you. Wherever you're at right now, there is a plan of the enemy to pull you apart from the crowd, to pull you apart from the body of Christ and isolate you. Because that's where he can talk to you, that's where his lies can come and thorn you and affect upon you. Instead of being in the body and being able to say, 'You know I'm struggling with this thought, I'm struggling with this attitude, I'm struggling with this heart condition, can you help me?'
When Elijah is in the wilderness, his thoughts went crazy. His mindset went weird. He wasn't thinking right. In isolation, you don't think right. You don't have the right mindset. You don't really have the mind of Christ in isolation, in the wilderness. And that's exactly where the enemy would like you to go. This isolation separates you from nurture and care that would really help you grow. You need the body, you need the brothers and sisters-in-Christ. But the isolation can sometimes be daunting, it can sometimes be so powerful that this isolation can get under your skin and it makes you become like an orphan.
You know for an orphan there's never enough. For orphans, there's holes in their buckets. They can't get enough to be satisfied. Why? Because they were orphans. They were rejected and isolated from a very young age. And that's our natural tendency as people as human beings tend to forge out without our emotional intact. If we forged away forward by shutting down our heart, and protecting ourselves so we don't really enjoy life. We just sort of put our little toes in and think 'oh, that's nice' rather than experiencing this fullness of life and joy that God has for us. And we become independent. We think 'we'll be okay. I don't need the love of my husband. I don't need the love of my children. I don't need all that kind of thing. I'm gonna make my own way. I'm gonna make my own success.' We are trying to forge our way like an orphan desparate to survive.
Even in a meeting like this, when we worshipping and the presence of God is here, we can come with a heart of reserve. "Oh God, I don't know. Should I really give my all now? I gotta keep some of me in reserve. Should I really praise? Let me keep in reserve, because maybe it'll run out." Why? Because we've been isolated in an area of our lives, we've been drawn away in an area of our lives. And there has been a wounding of our heart and so we became really good at protecting. "I'll give a little bit but I won't give all cos' what happen if I give all? I get disappointed again and I get rejected again. And I get hurt again and isolated again." And we never get into this fullness of that love, that joy, that grace, that acceptance that is ours as His daughters."
Monday, August 19, 2013
請讓我像從前一樣
心痛的疤痕 記憶的傷痕
請問 怎樣才能不恨
如果我堅強 如果我開朗
請讓我像從前一樣
我刷著睫毛 擦了脣膏
換上洋裝 牽著你手
這些回憶都在笑我傻
我丟掉手機 丟掉照片 丟掉過去
卻丟不掉我美麗的夢境
我想開心笑倒在你胸懷
跑著要你快追過來
小情小愛平凡多可愛
怎麼了現在 記憶體全是空白
像魚在海悠游自在
像鹿奔跑那樣自然
如果我的世界能重來
這夢境 都會是 現在
心痛的疤痕 記憶的傷痕
請問 怎樣才能不恨
我不要堅強 我不要開朗
請讓 我像從前一樣
A song that wrote everything that is in my heart...
請問 怎樣才能不恨
如果我堅強 如果我開朗
請讓我像從前一樣
我刷著睫毛 擦了脣膏
換上洋裝 牽著你手
這些回憶都在笑我傻
我丟掉手機 丟掉照片 丟掉過去
卻丟不掉我美麗的夢境
我想開心笑倒在你胸懷
跑著要你快追過來
小情小愛平凡多可愛
怎麼了現在 記憶體全是空白
像魚在海悠游自在
像鹿奔跑那樣自然
如果我的世界能重來
這夢境 都會是 現在
心痛的疤痕 記憶的傷痕
請問 怎樣才能不恨
我不要堅強 我不要開朗
請讓 我像從前一樣
A song that wrote everything that is in my heart...
Sunday, August 18, 2013
None other than Him..
Sometimes when I glanced through Instagram, I kept wondering to myself, why other people's life is so happening? Why other people's life is so full of LIFE? Why are all my good friends are all around the world, and I'm being placed in this part of the world and living my life myself? Why other churches are so happening, friendly and I missed the holy ghost party? Why other church has the speakers or pastors that I missed hearing them to? Why the pastors that I love or whom make me feel home are in other churches? That's not it, the worse is I wasn't able to even pay a visit because of where I am and all the bitsy hassle schedules in my life.
A lot of times when I saw all those posts and photos, or knowing that other people are hanging out with their friends, knowing them having people around them to have their laughter busters, having fun in urban life in places that I couldn't even reach, having a Holy Ghost party in their church, I suddenly felt like an 'extra' in the world. Not only did I feel not belong in my own current church, not only did I can't fit in my own environment, I just feel no one around me needed me at all in Malaysia. The church doesn't need me, the cell group doesn't need me. The people around me doesn't need me either. My family doesn't need me. Even my job doesn't need me. A lot of times I think the bf doesn't need me too. I'm just an extra wherever I am, in Malaysia. And again will I come back to this question, "God, why am I here in Malaysia? With my life SO boring, with my life SO purposeless and being SO lonely ALL the time? Why was I so happy every single day when I was in Melbourne? Why was I SO excited to go church and urban life, so excited to even be with them; and when I came back, this land seems to be like a wilderness to me? Worse of all, I seems to be going through this life all by myself? Why people call me only when they need me to do something for them or for their benefits, why people call me only to ask if I'm going to cell group but doesn't even interested in going through life together; and for me, when I need accompany, need help, need friends, I seems to be very alone? Even if I asked, I was often judged, always left out and never in the priority in their minds." All these thoughts have been running in my mind for almost 3 years.
With my health breakdown, I guessed mainly is from my mental breakdown. Lord, is it because of all these stresses in life? Should I even leave consider to leave this land to a land that can make my life and myself even healthy, physically and mentally? I am always known as a daring girl who is daring enough to make decision to change my whole life. Do I lose that daringness already? What am I fearful for? What is holding me back? I am really willing to give up ANYTHING to have a happy life. Lord. Anything! I seems to be at a crossroad of something...
A gazillion times that I wanted to leave this 'stupid hopeless rude people' land, and flee to an oversea world with more friendly people. A gazillion times that I had always wanted to dedicate my life to God, and totally leave Malaysia just for Bible school in the church that I can fit in. Lord, can I really do this? I am really not happy coming back to Malaysia. So not happy.
But one thing that changed in me now is, nothing matters when dwelling in God's presence and having God near me is BIG for me. I once felt frustrated when the bf doesn't call or contact me, I once felt frustrated when I felt so left out and useless in my ministry even in my current church, I once felt frustrated when no one is friendly enough to even be interested to make friends with me. I once felt so not usable in my own company, I once felt envy when my parents are biased towards my siblings but I was only being used and the list goes on. Even when bundle of tears flowing on my sleeping pillow because of my disappointment in life, when I sensed that God is watching me sleep and cried together with me when I cried, that He even counted the tears that I have shed even until today, I feel contended. Being just a Mary but not Martha is the key for this season of my life. None of the issues that made me frustrated before affected me anymore either. Everything became so meaningless, all those frustrations are meaningless if I don't have a God with me. I once thought I was feelingless or immune already, only that I realised nothing can be even more important than having God with me, not even church or ministry.
It's indeed in God alone, I know I'm loved by Him alone and that's enough, in God alone I'm satisfy in His love, in God alone, I know He is the one who is most interested in me, in God alone, all my thirsts are all quenched, in God alone, I know all my hunger will be fulfilled and filled to the full and even overflowing, in God alone, I know with His One touch, every burden fell off my shoulders, with His One touch, every mountain swept away. Now, goodbye guilt and shame, He's overcame the grave. I lift the name of Jesus higher!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)