i really gonna insane whole day.. bing is ignoring me.. i dun understand.. ytd.. was like.. already ignoring me leh.. i dun understand!! really dun understand!! i getting so depress... i started crying.. whole day never eat much.. untill my parent force me to eat.. my dad bought my favourite food.. but.. i really have no mood to eat.. haiz.. den gastric getting really bad..


i sms to bing.. he never reply.. gosh.. first time.. first time he like tat.. how can he do tat sia.. i really dun kw what to do.. i called him ytd.. but he didn't pick up.. i dun kw why.. maybe he is busy?? den today morning.. i sms him.. no reply again.. i really wanna gone insane leh.. what the hell is happening!!! i can't eat well.. i cannot sleep well.. i even got a small hurt on my hand.. start to kill my wall!!! haiz.. no use de la..


i really miss him a lot.. den i called him.. i kinda sobbing.. but.. it dun seem like him.. he told me.. he very busy.. he very tired.. since ytd never slp.. den keep on doing work!! lots of work!! he very stress.. den no time to care abt me.. gosh.. i dun understand!! haiz.. oh well.. i try to call him later.. see how bah.. man.. really hope he is ok.. he never reply me... i tot what happen to him sia.. really very scared and worried abt him..


bing... what is happening sia.. haiz.. on the way to school.. i was like.. dun kw who is me lo.. so many thing appear in my mind.. i think untill so negative... den.. i hear voices.. voices of encouragement.. it say... "ruby.. be strong.. jiayou.. dun give up.." this voice.. sound like me.. it merge with my voice.. be strong!! u must be strong!!


next week friday.. start exam leh.. den follow by monday and wednesday.. i really dun have time left.. uncle wolfy say... give him some time and space.. haiz.. i really miss him so much.. T.T see his past msg.. gosh!! he really love me so much.. i love u too.. jiayou wor!! i support you!!




once again... depression...

what is happening to him.. what suddenly treat me so cold.. what it mean by "cannot treat u too good" wat the hell.. i really dun understand.. why after one night.. everything changes.. what he say.. and what he do.. is all diff.. why!!!

死了一了百了。。

uncle wolfy.. tot u say.. tell him.. he will understand?? but why everything just getting worst.. i am so hurt today.. wanna tell him.. yet something pull me back... my mood swing.. i just cannot stop crying now.. my mum came into my room.. see my eyes got tears.. she ask me what happened.. i just say no la.. coz tired.. haha.. haiz.. "haha".. seem like i only can yi xiao er guo.. my heart is aching.. hao tong... really hao tong.. more tong den what javier gave me..


tong till i cannot breathe.. i need some air.. it so painful... why i always feel the hurt first before feel the love?? why is heaven so unfair to me.. why heaven wanna torture me so much.. what i did in my previous life?? why must i so suffer now.. haiz.. why why why.. so many why.. but who can give me the answer?? no one.. haiz..


uncle wolfy.. why can't he just understand me?? why can't he just stand in my own shoe.. why can't he feel that i am hurt.. why can't he try to kw me a bit more.. why can't he just listen to what i wanna say.. he is so xiao qi.. u say i should tell him how i feel.. but.. i haven even finish.. haven even tell him what the biggest pain in me.. i just told him abt qin jie.. den.. he angry.. and now.. he ignore me.. u say.. i can ask.. i can ask for what i wanted.. i simply just ask the status of qin jie inside his heart.. and now.. end up.. i ruin his day.. he dun wish to talk to me now.. i wanna tell him so much abt me.. and also know him better.. but why... end up like this??


i dun like the aching feeling.. when i was wif him ytd.. i feel like crying a few time.. despite i am sad/hurt.. i still put a smile on my face.. i told him this.. since u sad.. and nth can change.. why not put a smile and get over wif it.. at least.. others wun feel hurt.. haiz.. i jiu shi so naive.. i always mess up everything.. i am a jinx?? do what all wrong.. haiz.. sick and tired of this life..

oh well.. not enough slp.. plus nightmare.. plus so tired.. and hungry.. LOL!! sob sob.. so ke lian.. haiz.. now i start to feel hungry leh.. lol... so tired.. T.T so sleepy.. i dream of.. one lady.. NO FACE!! den one guy also no face.. den one child also no face!! gosh.. den in my dream.. i woke up feeling so scare.. den i wanna call for help.. but den.. cannot reach anyone.. haiz.. what a dream..


4hours break finish soon.. ElTech lesson.. sian.. sure super cold de lo.. haiz.. go inside slp bah.. LOL!!! lalala.. sian.. dun kw write what sia.. T.T haiz... slp bah.. :x

very sad to heard that xiao bu bu daddy pass away today.. i go school.. den heard from zhu zhu.. gosh.. den loo loo say that he got come school.. den recieved the news from his mum.. xiao bu bu 1.05pm reach school.. his papa 12.55pm pass away.. gosh.. 10min... just tat 10min..


after compro written test.. i die die wan go see xiao bu bu.. coz a bit fan bu xia sia.. heard tat he cry.. man.. i understand la.. this kind of stuff.. even guy with cold blood also will cry.. i dun mean xiao bu bu is cold blood la.. well... today my $$ use a lot.. coz take cab go school coz late.. den take cab to cck find xiao bu bu.. but share wif eddie and loo loo la.. each person like $2.. den.. take cab back home.. liew.. $10.. haiz.. use a lot of money sia.. but is ok la.. also gave xiao bu bu $10.. coz no work.. no money.. plus dun have bring much money wif me..


today whole day.. eat mac and one sandwitch.. woah.. hungry now lo.. T.T sian.. tml dun kw is 10am start or 11.30am start lesson... all half half de sia.. haiz.. i reach at 10.50am hao le la!! half also.. LOL!! since debar period over leh.. so make no different also bah.. LOL..


haiz... time for bed leh.. ahhhhh.. i wash my hair!! colour still drop.. somemore drop more last wash.. gosh.. hope colour last long enough.. hehe.. k la.. slp leh.. very tired.. just now cheer up xiao bu bu a lot.. crap so much.. see him ok.. i am fan xin le.. his brother also super crappy sia.. we start to talk abt ghost.. army.. lol.. and one thing!!!!! his brother say i look like 25years old!!! OMG!! i got tat old ma!!! den say eddie 17!! WA LAO!!! not fair sia!! i where got so old.. haiz.. suan le.. bleah.. ROAR!!

hao tong.. zhen de hao tong.. the pain tat javier give me just flash across my mind.. is the exact same pain.. is all so hurt.. why do i feel so hurt.. why did he say tat.. i dun understand.. what is the problem wif me?? why can't i get the the love i wanted.. why everything just come and go.. no matter how hard i try... everything just will get bad to worst.. well.. seem like he give up leh.. tong yi tong jiu guo le ma.. u also get over wif javier.. isn't it?? everything just need time.. u need to heal.. all the while u tot someone can heal u.. but it seem like it only hurt more..


i too naive leh.. everything is too late.. i am hurt once again..

i know.. i cannot be happy.. if i happy.. something real bad will happen upon me.. i am so happy today.. but.. everything change after i reach home.. underage told me.. in irc.. in teens channel.. got ppl talking abt sggirl website.. den they were talking abt photo.. and tat photo is me.. i have no idea wat is tat website.. but.. it seem like a xxx web... all the photo.. is so...


i cannot stop crying.. i was so angry.. i never scold bad words.. and never will scold it in front of my fren.. but i was so angry.. I SCOLD!! I SHOUT!! i am so angry.. who is tat person tat post my photo up into that website.. my reputation is ruin.. really feel like jumping off my window now.. ruin... everything is ruin..


icyspike@hotmail.com who is this user?? i dun kw him.. but more or less.. i think he got my photo from friendster.. what does this mean??? i really dun have face to continue stay in this world.. born in this world is just a WRONG decision.. i really.. dead...

oh tian ar.. i think i rather zhou tao hua yun leh.. this senior who i kw in the open hse.. seem like he interested in me sia.. oh gosh.. what should i do sia.. alamak.. tian ar.. haiz..


no love.. i sad.. got ppl wan love me.. i also sad.. LOL!! die leh la.. dun kw what to do leh.. dun care la.. STUDY first.. :x

hmm.. today quite happy bah.. haha.. but a very hungry day also.. sian.. my hse run out of salt sia!! i wonder how my mama cook sia.. haiz.. but feel today food very salty leh!! arbo is no taste.. LOL...


well.. today i complete my notes for compro.. tuesday got written test.. den tml got statistic test.. oh gosh.. never study at all wor.. lol.. but ok la.. tat topic i quite strong.. i think... :x haha.. tml before go sch got to study a bit lo.. if not sure die.. AHH CHUUUU!! oops.. who think of me sia.. lol..


oh well!! just now i go to bath rite!! WA LIEW!! Mr Cockroach come find me!! arghhh.. he come to my leg sia.. but i never wear my spec la.. got going to bath.. but.. see the shape.. and how it move.. 100% is cockroach.. not long ago, i just fight wif one cockroach.. i wanna go toilet ma.. den got this cockroach there.. wa liew.. guess how i attack him?? i take rubber band and shoot shoot shoot.. LOL!! and i WON!!! i won the match.. now.. the cockroach come back for revenge leh!! die sia.. i went shouting like crazy!! call my mama for help.. den i take one stick to protect myself.. try to knock it away... but i dun seem to be working.. haha.. den.. have to call for help.. MAMA!!!!!! jiu ming ar!!! lol.. my mama come to rescue me!! but.. i went O.o when i saw what she do.. i didn't wear my spec.. but i still can see a little.. i dun kw she take what la... but she just PIAK!! den the cockroach die.. o.O man.. so pro sia.. i dun even dare.. hahaha.. hmmm... den i hide inside the bathroom lo.. den faster take my bath.. LOL!!


not bad sia!! my colour did not drop!! only SUPER little drop nia.. hahaha.. think my hair can tahan very long leh.. HURRAY!!!! hmm... today my parent off the main power supply.. liew.. i never off my lappy leh.. den they like tat off.. lucky my lappy never crash.. or else.. i sure kill ppl!! coz tat time i almost kill my brother.. coz he make my lappy CRASH!! haiz.. LOL!!..


oh ya.. ah bing msg me today sia.. lol.. i tot he ignore me leh.. well.. he say sry for what he did to me ytd.. ^^ not bad not bad.. hehe.. i was studying in the living room ma.. but my phone is wif me 24hrs de.. lol.. den he ask me come in audition.. >.< a bit scare scare la.. coz ytd he so fierce.. of coz scare!! den i go in lo.. ^^ he buy the hair give me sia.. gosh.. he send me as a present.. man.. money also cannot like tat spend ma.. tat one is a-cash de.. aiyoyo.. but i got the same hair as him.. hehe.. i love tat hair very much.. bo bian ar.. :x instead of him anyhow buy one give me.. why not i tell him what i like.. arbo waste money ar.. :x man.. tat hair.. in cash.. think also got $7 plus..


oh ya.. he like.. start to be protective to me leh.. he said that if anyone pester me or like find me trouble.. i can find him.. hehe.. well.. i did ask him.. "tot u ignore me leh.. so fierce.." well.. kw what he said?? coz i miss you.. omg.. i have no idea why sia.. and he miss me badly.. really very dot dot dot leh.. den i play wif him audition the whole afternoon.. and he say he had a good afternoon wif someone(tat me.. lol) and cannot forget this happy moment.. oh gosh.. he... seem different sia.. lol.. he keep on miss me.. so near yet so far.. LOL!! that is what he said la.. and somehow.. he seem like he like me... i did ask him why is me.. and this is what he said.. "how i kw why i miss u so much ah.. how i kw why i feel you're irritating last time but now i will like you ah.. :x" hmmmm.. i am irritating ar.. LOL!! but den.. i think i did irritate him a lot in game.. LOL!! and he hope tat i can always be happy.. eh eh.. tat give me a totally different feeling sia.. he also very understanding.. coz he kw what i am undergoing some how... and he say he wun add burden to me.. and let fate decide.. lol.. coz i told him let nature take its course.. and he will show me a different side of him.. and somehow.. he like.. will listen to what i say.. i ask him try not to say bad word.. coz he ah beng ar.. bo bian ar.. but den.. he really did sia.. i never heard one bad word so far..


and also.. i ask him to try quit smoking.. omg.. he willing to try.. man!! i dun believe it... he smoke so much.. one day dun kw how many packet.. and he willing to quit??? ehh ehh.. am i dreaming?? he very caring to me sia.. but den.. kind of worry abt him.. coz he cough blood.. eh eh.. dun kw why sia.. since cough blood leh, den should really QUIT smoking.. haha.. i hate smoker.. too bad.. "for love for happiness for you i dun mind.. tho i'm fierce but always over pampered my lover" woah.. got a little touch by him.. haha.. and also.. something.. tat really change my view of him.. "The phrase "Love is blind". A beautiful image suits the eye not the heart".. he said this to me.. but den.. i dun understand what it mean by that.. so i ask him what it mean la.. den this is what he reply.. "Appearance is only for sight.. Love isn't about appearence but the heart.. And heart can only feel the love.. So i say, love is blind cause the heart don't have eye to see.." den i really very pei fu him lo.. gosh.. his english.. like very pro leh.. ah beng + english pro = ah bing.. ehhhh... a bit dun link leh.. den he told me tat he only learn english from young.. dun have learn chinese.. and hokkian is he learn himself de.. omg.. special type of ah beng???? LOL!! i really very surprise sia.. AND HE NEVER FORGET TO SHOOT ME!! haiz.. bo bian ar.. my english very poor.. tat why kanna shoot by him.. and he send me one poem..


"A raindrop may look small to the eyes, but, somewhere a thirsty flower awaits its fall. An sms may seem small to you, but, somewhere a heart remembers you."


erm.. he said that raindrops covers his heart as he love me.. >.< and say i always be in his heart.. eh ehh.. can i believe??? i wondering.. how come like so many ppl tell me they love me.. they like me ar??? why so many ppl wanna woo me sia.. T.T haiz.. these people can be very scary when woo a girl de u all kw.. hahaha.. hmmm... yawn... so tired.. think i sleep leh bah.. haha.. hmmmm.. bingbing... can i accept him?? i have no idea.. yiyi said to me before.. so long i am happy.. can already.. den i shall see if i am happy when wif him.. den decide if i wan to accept him bah.. haha.. we will see how lo.. yawn.. very tired.. slp leh.. a lot of test coming up.. haha.. ^^ nite nite bloggy.. *wink*

gosh... my mood is so down now sia.. haiz.. dun kw is my fault or what sia.. ah bing angry liao?? gosh.. dun kw la.. haiz.. how i kw he so xiao qi de.. T.T things is just not the way i wanted.. man... maybe live in this world.. is a wrong decision.. den why am i born sia.. so suffering.. T.T haiz..


man.. i am get a too emotional person.. xiong told me.. a lot of guys cannot take my emotional side.. and before stanley leave the store.. he also told me.. control my emotion.. or else.. haha.. seem like it all come true leh.. i am just emotional.. how am i suppose to not to emotional when my environment dun allow me to stop being emotional.. this whole year.. is really a great suffer for me.. do what.. all fail.. what i hope for.. will end up with lots of disappointment.. what i wish for.. will never come true.. izzit becoz of me being emotional?? or izzit just.. i am fate to be like this.. gosh.. this is not what i wanted.. this is just simply not what i wanted.. and it can never be!!


this few day.. i try to be happy.. well.. is not try... i am happy.. after tat big cry not long ago.. wif 3 ppl in my room seeing me cry like dun kw what.. my fren.. all support me.. i get over with it leh.. i try to get over wif it.. but.. did i get over wif it?? i have no idea.. coz.. it seem like.. i lost contact wif my heart leh.. i cannot hear anything from her.. no response.. no matter what i do.. she did not reply me.. she throw me alone here to solve all the problem.. instead of solving.. will only make things worst.. gosh.. what is happening sia..


be positive.. i am positive this few day.. but today.. just wanna say all everything out bah.. sian.. no ppl to talk to.. what can i do?? of coz talk to my blog lo.. cannot even think of anyone to talk to.. even if i found someone.. i have no idea how am i suppose to open my mouth.. coz i will just end up speechless and laugh all the way.. yi xiao er guo~ haha.. so fake sia..


yawn.. wanna study de.. but.. just dun have the motivation.. wat really happening to me sia.. i can't study at home.. tat why.. oh gosh.. why is the song play all sad sad de.. tat indeed make me feel worst leh.. haha.. maybe.. too much sad song in my lappy le bah.. sian.. think ah bing ignore me leh.. man.. how can like this sia.. why no matter what i do.. all wrong wrong wrong... T.T


gentle and violent.. lol.. was talking abt this wif "underage" just now.. gentle of me.. and violent of me.. i did treat different ppl differently.. seem like i only can crap around wif fren.. and for lover.. i have no idea how to treat him... i am just too noob la.. bo bian.. hahahaa.. now 18 years old leh.. a few more month.. will go 19.. den follow by 20.. gosh.. time is like running so fast.. gonna need to plan leh.. but den.. now maybe.. just wish tat my life end faster.. is too hard and suffering for me.. haha.. for those tat know me super long.. u all will understand why right?? since small... days is never be a good one for me.. even my birthday is in a total disaster.. xiao shi hou.. i always looking forward for my birthday to come.. coz i can make 3 wishes.. and hope this wishes will come true.. but.. it never have... and it will never will.. i dun even remember what i wish for last year.. and when my birthday come.. is so hard to ask my fren to celebrate wif me.. begging.. asking.. haiz.. having so much fren.. macham no fren like tat.. i still remember.. last year.. i cry... the reason i cry.. is about my birthday de.. coz.. xiong forget my birthday.. haha.. what a joke rite?? a best buddy of mine.. forget my birthday?? gosh.. i really heartbreak tat day.. plus.. cannot even join me for my celebration.. hahaha.. double joke..


but nvm la.. maybe this year.. not going to celebrate bah.. enough of disappointment.. enough of wun come true de wishes.. guess what?? i dun feel a single bit now sia.. man.. is this call numb?? gosh.. what is happening sia!!! hmmm.. just now in audition.. ah bing was telling me abt his stuff.. "love till very xin ku" tat is what he said.. and kw what i say?? i said this to him.. "if u really love him/her.. no matter how disappoint he/she make u.. no matter how hurt u are.. u wun blame him/her.. and all because u love him/her.. even if u so xin ku.. u wun feel it at all.." haha.. i understand this phrase.. coz is i say de.. and.. is true u kw.. hahaha.. crap.. so sian..


what can i do to change my life?? what can i do to find the one i always finding?? what can i do so that i wun suffer?? what can i do so tat everything will just be the way i wanted.. what can i do so tat world is peace?? haha.. in my dream, i can do anything.. i can be the way i wanted.. i can do anything i wan.. i can get the one i always finding.. and there is no suffering there.. but... when u wake up.. everything.. is gone.. haha.. so.. instead of dreaming.. what of think of something possible and will happen??


jovin.. he looking for a gf.. and he found me.. and hope i can be his gf.. but i can't accept him.. he told me.. he can give all the love and care i wan... and give him and myself a chance to understand each other better.. but i rejected him.. i can't.. i told him.. i can't give him the love he wanted.. and i cannot accept his love and care.. coz i cannot give him any.. and i can give him a chance to kw me better.. but.. as a fren and not a lover.. haiz.. coz.. i cannot let this kind of stuff happen to me the 2nd time.. i cannot be selfish.. if i cannot give what i wanted most.. den i also cannot accept it.. and this wun change..


so many ppl walk in and out of my life.. they not tired.. but i am.. tired of giving all of me.. and let them throw one side.. gosh.. tat is really very very terrible u kw.. i do my best to be a fren.. i do my best to be someone gf.. but it all turn out fail.. haiz.. fail in relationship.. i can confirm is due to my emotion.. i trust what xiong said.. my emotion.. really my zhi ming shan.. fail in fren.. did i?? for some.. yep.. my fren one by one.. leaving me.. after knowing me for so long.. they choose to walk away.. and.. yang ching.. my longest fren.. lucky i still have her.. if she also leave me.. i think i really dun kw what to do leh.. haha.. is hard to kw someone for... 15years?? haha.. i still remember.. when young.. she so FAIR!!! and her skin like forever wun dark de lo.. haha.. but me is diff.. when i young.. i very very dark.. coz i swim a lot.. den in pri sch.. we also go swim swim together.. haha.. i still remember we having lots of fun inside the pool.. playing all games.. making up story from no where.. haha.. tat is one of the most wonderful period of my life.. at least.. i still got this wonderful memory with me.. just in case i am gone.. i still feel content.. coz.. in my life.. i have this wonderful fren.. thx yang ching.. thank for appearing in my life to bring me some light.. i kw got some period of time.. we never contact at all.. but i am making it all now.. i kw u suffer also.. but i was not there.. but now.. i am here.. ^^ whenever u need a hug.. or someone to talk to.. u can just walk a few step.. or just type a few number.. and i will be here..


haiz........ sian...... what to do sia.. T.T

weeeeee.. this is me inside he lift.. lol.. look cute hoh??? haha.. i got my hair trim too.. hmm.. why feel so black ar.. the hair.. HAIZ..

act cute act cute.. LOL.. but is not cute.. coz jsut trying to get my hair colour in photo nia!! LOL!!! steady colour!! lol.. hope is last long..

ehhhhhh.. now in school.. so sian.. haiz.. i really become ruby leh.. even my hair also so red liao.. hahaha.. well.. i think my hair never really catch attention sia.. sian.. haiz.. LOL!!! i tot they will say.. WOW.. nice hair.. liew.. sob sob.. yawn.. sian ar.. still got 3 more hour to go.. so sleepy sia.. think.. better do lots of tutorial bah.. coz need to hand up.. T.T after today.. I FINALLY CAN SLP!! lol.. coz i really so busy till dun have enough slp.. T.T i slp less den 6hours a day sia.. this 2 day.. sob sob... man.. tat is really so tiring.. T.T

yawn...... sian leh.. so tiring.. wan write also dun kw write what.. OH YA!! ytd open hse.. i help out ma.. den the neighbour de boot(dun kw is tis spelling a not) is a bunch of senior ma.. from ME de.. hahaha.. first day know them.. they kanna beat by me liao.. muahahaha.. aiyo.. and hoh!! they dun believe i year 1 sia.. sian.. STUPID!! somemore say i 24.. i got tat old meh!! wa liew.. haha.. and one of them.. same name wif my brother sia.. lol.. weili.. another one same name as my primary school classmate.. royston(forget izzit like this spell).. yawn.. sian.. dun wan write leh.. very tired.. i go rest a while bah..

oh well.. my gastric problem is finally back!!! gosh.. my pill run out.. lucky i got my dad to buy some for me just in case i need it.. well.. today i woke up.. pain pain pain.. where pain?? gastric pain lo.. still very pain sia.. haiz.. and i so tired.. T.T oh ya!! my neck cramp when i woke up.. gosh!! so painful!! but not tat painful as compare to leg cramp.. haha.. still hurt a bit now.. T.T


arghhhh.. so tired early in the morning.. got a bath to keep me awake.. well.. as for herman.. hehe.. he still my protector.. but too bad.. he is younger den me.. maybe i just cannot accept this bah.. tat time.. i dun kw how to reject him.. scare to hurt him.. coz i chose to MIA.. haha.. think everything gone back to normal leh bah.. well.. herman is a nice guy.. he called me.. while i on the way to take 171.. well.. he chat wif me.. still miss the day chatting wif him on phone.. coz i can really BULLY him.. :x oh ya.. today.. he really let me SHOOT till.. lol.. he cannot bwg(bo wei gong) lo.. hahaha.. really so fun shooting him.. but, i always so stubborn de la.. i did feel weak when i in the bus.. but, shooting him.. give me the energy to be strong.. LOL!! if he see this.. he gonna faint... lol..


but.. think think.. xiang yi xiang.. i think i very xin fu leh.. got protector.. got supportor.. hmm.. got this few of them.. i can survive leh bah.. hahaha.. think positive.. everything is not tat bad at all.. well.. i kw this guy recently in irc.. he call jovin.. he is a sailor sia.. man.. i think i gonna need to learn a lot of stuff from him.. coz he is very positive.. well.. he is not a normal human being.. simply becoz he can't walk since he born.. but this did not keep him down.. he is a singapore sailor wor.. well.. he got a race today.. hope he win.. haha.. he is indeed a person tat i can learn a lot of positive stuff from.. think need to call him sinseh liao!! hahaha..


hmmmmm.. today.. also got another guy keep let my shoot... darrick.. liew.. still not use to this name sia.. last time call him jimmy.. now he change name.. liew.. also dun kw keep change for what.. haha.. i also shoot him till.. LOL!! we both so bhb also sia.. muahahha.. think of the past memory we had, lol.. really so fun.. thx to his bbq.. i saw my very first Red Lady... T.T scare the hell out of me man!! hahaha.. hmm.. think.. got 2years leh bah.. never see him leh.. he contact me back sia.. not bad not bad.. still can find me.. normally i MIA.. hardly got ppl can find me de.. unless come my hse lo.. LOL!!! shoot him till so shiok!!


arghhh.. today very first lesson.. TEACHER NEVER COME!!!! wa kao!!! arbo i can slp 3hours more at home lo.. T.T haiz.. oh ya.. den got ELtech practical exam.. holala.. full marks liao la.. haha.. but got one error.. haiz.. maybe teacher will minus 5marks bah.. hope dun minus.. den give me full marks.. MUAHAHA.. i think.. my result gonna drop drop drop drop drop to the bottom of the sea liao.. time is running out.. 23days till my exam(this what my EG2 teacher say de la).. arghhhhh.. time pls stop.. i really need more time.. why do i sound like i dying like tat.. LOL!! CHOY CHOY CHOY!! i still wanna take ang bao de leh!!! and the ba gua.. yummy.. haha.. to have a good CNY.. i gonna study hard leh.. i always a good student wor..


man!! my mummy today fei li wo de tummy!! she keep touch my tummy sia!!! well.. she kw tat my gastric is acting up again.. haha.. she heart pain pain wor.. :x aiyoyoyo.. muahaha.. but she is still my cute mummy la.. can bully her de.. muahahaha!!! oh well... maybe skip meal or what la.. my mama say my tummy so flat.. den wanna break off like tat... liew... siao sia.. where got flat seh... i still so fat fat.. HEY!!! i not becoz i fat den dun eat de lo!! 80% is becoz i lazy to buy food eat.. LOL!!! bo bian ar.. i home gal.. at home den dun go out liao.. too lazy.. wan pull me out super hard de sia..


liew.. yc just msg me sia.. ask me go supper.. siao de sia!!! my gastric like tat.. how to go supper.. somemore.. tml 8am start lesson.. haiz.. maybe i 9am den reach bah.. sian.. tml got presentation also.. T.T the LAST one.. den FINISH!! IAC de presentation lo.. sian.. so boring... 8am-12nn.. haiz.. den 12nn-4pm i helping out in my sch de OPEN HSE.. sian.. dun kw got break ma.. if dun have.. i think.. i gonna need prepare a lot of medicine to sch liao.. hope i remember to bring to school tml.. hahaha.. den maybe tml go dye hair.. liew... my hair.. haiz..


dye + highlight = $190
each one $95


gosh.. a bit too expensive leh bah!!! maybe not gonna highlight now bah.. hahaha.. maybe highlight later.. dye first.. see how the quality first.. arbo waste money sia.. if the colour cannot stick.. this time.. my hair!! MUST have colour liao.. arbo i sure bomb the shop.. :x hmmmmmm.. haiz.. time too little.. TIME PLS STOP!!! *hope i can slp longer*


ouch ouch!! gastric pain pain!! sob sob... JIU MING AR!!! sian.. dun eat medicine leh.. see how.. tml pain.. tml eat lo... MUAHAHAHA!!! poor yc.. i cannot pei her go supper.. haha.. when i recover.. den i pei her bah.. haha.. muack muack..

my 365th post.. and also today is my xiao micheal de 1st dead anniversary.. and before anything.. WA LAO!! 2nd time i write this post.. coz just now press wrong thing!!!! WA LAO!!! nooooooo... all gone... T.T liew.. lazy write liao la.. write so much den gone.. sad sad.. somemore cannot recover the post.. LIEW!! T.T suan le bah!!!


ehhhhh.. today i never go school.. haiz.. gastric too pain leh.. pain till i dun wish to get out of bed.. T.T man.. 1 year i can big pain 2 time.. and one is year and one is year end.. T.T maybe this is year start bah.. sob sob.. ate my last pill just now.. T.T sob sob.. gastric better dun act up again.. if not.. no pill liao.. haha.. haiz.. if act up.. think i really need to tahan liao.. dun kw why.. recently.. gastric keep acting up.. wun stop.. ouch!!! so pain sia..


i msg cheng boon.. tell him tat i wun be able to make it to sch today.. liew.. den he go tell teacher what?? ruby got gastric pain (ya correct!!).. maybe she huai yun le.. den got baby.. MAN!!! I GONNA KICK HIS ASS TML IN SCH!! what the hell!! idiot sia.. teacher laugh.. whole class laugh.. wa liew.. tml sure no face go class liao la..


uncle wolfy! bully!! haha.. no la.. uncle wolfy very nice.. haha.. he accompany me whole day today.. so sweet of him.. oh sian.. my eye keep twitch.. T.T what will happen sia.. anyway... ytd.. yiyi.. really very good.. T.T hao gan dong wor.. he pei wo... when i need fren.. he is there.. awwwww... ai shi ni le yiyi... he pei wo audition wor!! i think.. no ppl will believe he play audition.. den when i play 188.. gosh.. he really cmi!! haha.. tat really cheer me up.. i mean.. cheer me up not as in he cannot get the move for 188.. but cheer me up as in he play aud wif me.. but den.. yiyi got play audition.. tat really surprise me lo.. coz is impossible for him this type of person to play this kind of game lo.. but den.. he make this impossible possible liao.. despite he got to wake up super early got sch... he still pei wo thru out the midnite.. den when i ask him go rest early.. he say.. nvm.. pei wo a little longer... man... really hao gan dong.. T.T yiyi... xie xie ni.. T.T is not formal.. i kw.. me and u.. dun need this kind of li jie.. but.. i really wanna xie xie ni..


i suddenly go thru what me and javier chat before in msn.. man.. all the promise he gave me.. i wonder.. will it still come true?? oh well.. only if time can dao liu... maybe.. the whole world.. wun have so much sadness... dun u all think so??


hmm.. never have nightmare today.. i told yiyi.. if i cannot slp peacefully.. i can never have a good dream.. den yiyi ask me to dream of him.. haha.. tat is yiyi.. always kw how to cheer me up when i am down.. i cannot imagine life without yiyi.. yiyi may be fierce and scary.. but.. so long u go deep enough.. u will understand.. yiyi is a nice guy.. a guy tat stand an important position in me.. a fren.. tat i never can forget.. sometime.. i did scare of telling him what happening.. why i sad.. tat day.. i am crying.. i wanna tell him... at least he can cheer me up.. but den.. i dun dare sia.. dun kw why.. i just dun like to let others worry abt me.. especially close ones... awwwww... haiz..


i force myself to eat... but i can't.. just couldn't eat much.. ytd.. i took some alcohol.. den started crying hard.. i dun kw why sia.. yc and her fren at my room.. but den.. i just dun kw why.. my room.. just suddenly lead me into depression again.. i cry hard.. real hard.. and den.. i feel this pressure inside me.. haiz.. went vomit.. T.T aiyo.. but den.. is coz i cry too hard leh.. den everything trap inside my throat.. making me feel very terrible.. but now.. i am ok leh.. only gastric super pain.. i still got one bottle of alcohol inside... but i think.. i wun drink it.. coz empty stomach.. T.T sian.. why can't i just eat.. i try to eat.. just can't feed it in..

well... today is our 1st anniversary... but.. it seem like today is so dull.. stay home whole day.. haiz.. anyway, my new bed is here... i got my own room leh... today whole day stay in my room.. so boring.. nth to do.. den play audition lo..


early noon today.. well.. very happy.. coz got him pei wo chat in msn.. he did remember today... 13min more.. to 11.09pm.. haha.. he pei wo audition also.. but den.. he noob.. :x haha.. he play a while den run liao.. wa lao.. so bad.. den i whole day play audition lo.. sian.. wan study de.. end up never study.. oh well.. bingbing playing also sia.. haha.. den must of coz play wif him la.. bingbing so pro.. haha.. have to win him de leh.. but bingbing de mood today like very bad wor.. hmm.. i wonder why.. hehe..


oh ya.. also play wif uncle wolfy early early today.. hehe.. i was like so pro sia.. :x no la.. not pro la.. just improve a lot.. for my 8k de la.. hmmm.. not bad not bad hoh.. lalala... also play wif silk jie too.. not forgetting zhu xiao mei.. angel lao shi.. numbnuts.. haha.. i still cannot forget tat photo he put in forum!! arghh.. stupid numbnuts.. go put.. scare me.. lucky i afternoon see not nite.. if not sure cannot slp.. haha.. well.. numbnuts look like sam leh.. really sia!! a bit.. lol..


well.. i whole day at home.. tot will have surprise from javier.. but i think.. i think too much liao bah.. he wun be here anyway... haiz... haiz... 1st anniversary jiu like tat du guo leh.. so bad sia.. i find tat javier whole day.. pm him in msn.. no response... haiz... his nick say loneliness left him.. but de.. loneliness come find me liao leh.. getting more and more lonely.. sob sob.. think positive... but den.. 1st anniversary.. like tat... how to be positive sia!!! is not a normal day leh!!!


oh well.. dun kw... 4more minute to 11.09pm.. kw why this time so special?? coz this is the time.. i accept him.. does he remember?? i dun kw.. haiz... why like this de sia.. i dun wan like this jiu over leh...










oh well... seem like he dun even care abt it rite?? i so disappointed.. before 11.09.. saw him change his dp.. oh well.. since tat is the case.. why not he reply me?? does he kw how much 11.09 mean to me.. i am so sad... what for crying over this ruby... what is the point.. people dun treasure u.. what for crying here in the end.. does it worth it??? when i saw him change his nick once again.. i really tears out... marketing manager.. what rubbish is this.. go ahead.. i am too heartbroken for all the rubbish.. I SO DISAPPOINTED!!!!!! in the end.. everything is like this... I HATE IT!!!

SO ANGRY!!!!! I can be more suey today lo!!! Guess what.. today morning traffic jam till I was late for school for 40min.. den just now leh??? I 6pm end school.. den I go canteen 1 eat some food before going home ma.. WA KAO!!!!! Traffic jam like siao!!! Jam until.. @%^#&#$%^#&$ I called my dad telling him I wanna take cab home.. he say ok.. but den I see the traffic.. think wun have cab for me to take.. plus sure jam till cost me BIG BOMB!!


Den I decide to take mrt la.. since jam until like tat.. I cross over… wa kao!!! Bus super long den come!!! Arghhh.. nvm!!! Den on the way go mrt lo!! Liew…. JAM AGAIN!!! Sian… why today jam so much!! MORE WORST AT THE BACK!!!


When I finally reach clementi mrt… WOAH!! I tot I can relax liao.. wa lao eh… CANNOT LO!!! Mrt flood with human!!! So many ppl!!! Wa liew.. but I still manage to get in la.. den nvm… one stop nia.. den reach jurong ma… den phew.. finally… can relax….. BUT NO!!!! the tv say.. “DO NOT BOARD” niao niao!!! Do not board nvm… but den.. dun even have the timing.. I waited and waited.. until u all kw what?? Mrt station from abt 200 over ppl.. flood till I think got 400 lo!!! Wa lao eh!!!!! Somemore kw what??? The stuff say… becoz mrt got technical problem or what la.. mrt will delay… WA LAO EH!!! Flood wif so many people liao.. STILL HAVE TO WAIT!!! BIRD LEH!!!!! Stupid!!!


I ji tao so du lan… I get out of the mrt station… den I go take cab la!! Ma de… so flood… ARGHH… den I went to the shopping centre there.. WA LAO!!! TAXI stand also flood wif ppl!!!!! #$@#%^$%#$^# WHY I SO SUEY!!!!!!!!!!! Really super bird lo!!! But ok la.. I got a cab… but not at the taxi stand.. arghhhhhhh… stupid lo!!! PIE jam.. den cannot go PIE.. now I inside the stupid cab!! The fare is abt $15.50 now liao lo!!!! Wa lao eh!!! Den I haven reach yishun yet… I think still need abt 7more min den reach… coz still at mandai road.. BIRD LEH!!!!!! Wa liew… den my papa called.. ask me go join them eat… WA LAO!!! Just now he say ask me go eat my own.. den I eat liao.. now ask me go join them eat!!!!! So fat liao still wan me to eat…. ARGHH!!! WHY SO SUEY DE!!!!!!! Stupid jam!!! Stupid jam!!! SO STUPID!!!!!


Woah….. feel better liao.. muahahah.. say everything out.. shiok ar.. but den.. 2hours… HAVEN REACH HOME!!!! Bird leh!!!!!! WA LAO!!!!! HATE TODAY AR!!!!! Liew.. total fare… $18.. T.T pock liao..

just like tat photo.. i am ice cold.. stupid rain... so cold... ahh chuuuuuu.. haiz.. coz of the rain.. today got quite a long jam.. den i was late for sch for 40min.. haiz.. lucky i finish my quiz in time.. or else.. die.. think i done badly bah.. never really study for it.. went to bed after i finish my blog.. coz super tired.. but.. i got woke up by my parent.. my mum keep shout shout shout at my dad.. arghhhh... even in my dream.. i can hear my mama voice.. T.T den i have no choice but to wake up.. i was so hungry.. coz i didn't eat much ytd.. seem like i skipping meal quite a lot currently.. no wonder my gastric is getting worst and worst.. haha..


hmm.. i shout lo.. so childish they 2.. so old liao.. haiz.. at least.. i can get a peacful slp after i settle their stuff for them.. and also.. got to eat a little bit of stuff before i went back to my slp again.. SO COLD when i woke up.. i hide inside my blanket.. dun really wish to wake up.. hmmm.. so tired.. i slept so long... i still very tired.. haiz.. bo bian.. cannot skip class.. got a quiz what..

well.. teacher just now say.. next week got another quiz.. man.... my result getting poorer and poorer.. think i gonna put a lot of hardwork to get my standard back.. yawn... exam coming soon.. think i gonna need to start to plan my day... since sat i so free.. i think i study bah.. maybe go mac study or what.. gonna need to buck up.. pull up my sock!! haha..


hmm.. seem like my blog is getting more "anger" each day.. but at least today is not.. coz dun wish to think abt it.. haha.. just throw everything aside.. continue to take my step.. think tat will do bah.. lalala.. i still wanna be the cheerful ruby as ever.. searching her ownself back wor.. so friend!! SUPPORT ME WOR!!!! if u all wan go study or what.. pls call me to go also hoh!! hehe..


hmm.. $70.. how am i going to spend.. think i buy more books.. haha.. like tat i can improve myself more.. more chicken soup?? lol.. start to like reading.. coz can really give me a lot of hope or so.. bla bla bla.. rubbish.. lol.. no la.. just... like it bah.. coz can understand a lot of stuff.. what others ppl gone thru.. hehe.. at least i wun follow their foot step rite?? haha.. can learn a lot wor..


ytd.. i suddenly go take xiong de book out and read.. coz i suddenly feel like reading those words again.. is all abt love stuff ma.. how to have a successful relationship.. something like tat de.. i still remember.. tat time i read this in front of my mum... she tot i in a relationship.. lol.. but now.. i am in one.. but.. izzit a successful one?? i dun think so bah.. haha..


anyway.. stop talking bad and negative abt it.. no point also rite.. just look in front and try to think positive.. or else.. just throw everything away and dun think.. think of other stuff.. hehe.. oh man.. really super cold leh!!!


let me see.. kw few good friend recently online.. in a game call audition.. one is silk jie, uncle wolfy(this nickname i give de) and xiao xiao mei(her nick is call pigshit).. everyday i sure will go chat wif them de.. silk jie and uncle wolfy.. i can share all the stuff with them.. ask them for advice.. and also.. ask them for help too.. and zhu xiao mei leh.. this cute little girl.. very fun chatting wif her.. coz very cheerful wor.. just like a part of me where disappear dun kw to where leh.. love to bully uncle wolfy.. coz everytime play msn game wif him.. i sure win.. but ytd.. he got win me wor.. but in the end.. i win 2 - 1 plus one draw.. lol... so.. i still the winner rite.. haha.. i join their guild too.. and me.. super talketive in the forum also.. haha.. silk jie and uncle wolfy.. they are my very good friend liao wor.. no matter i sad or happy.. they will kw.. coz i love talking to them.. silk jie is just like my da jie jie.. taking care of me?? lol.. help me a lot la.. really thx her a lots... den uncle wolfy leh.. dun kw say what.. but also thx too.. ^^ den zhu xiao mei ar!! dun keep on play play play... o lvl this year liao leh!! gambateh yo!!


wondering.. will my phone ring later?? hahahaha... go play a while bah... too sian and cold liao.. OH SIAN!! later inside a super cold room.. die liao lo.. his lesson.. everytime rain de lo.. very stupid leh... like every friday when his lesson.. will rain.. confirm de!!!!! standard de sia.. T.T hope the air con spoilt.. :x like tat wun cold.. hehe.. i still scare of cold more.. woooooo... cold ar.....

DISAPPOINTED once again.. i don't believe he is my bf... how can he be like tat.. say one thing... do another thing.. i hate ppl tat is like tat..


RUBY HATE MOST!! people break promise


how much more can i tolerate?? how much more does he wanna disappoint me?? arghhh... i was like.. so super tired today.. i tired till i take cab home and decide to take a nap... and prepare for tml quiz.. and he said.. he wanna come and pei wo at home.. well.. i so happy.. i keep myself awake.. i went to take a bath... COLD WATER... i bet the water is cold like ice... some more raining outside.. can u imagine how cold the water is?? cold water can make one person awake.. no matter how scare i am, i go bath cold water.. i was so awake after tat.. this morning i was having flu... den plus cold water.. do u think i wun get worst??


he said he 3pm finish sch.. so i waited.. and waited.. 4pm... den i think.. maybe abt to reach.. den 5pm... i think.. maybe he in sch eat something or got something on den so late.. den i wait and wait.. nearly 6pm.. jiu suan he eat or do thing... by this time.. should reach.. but no... not a single phone call or sms from him.. i waited for him.. do a lot of stuff to keep me awake.. den what else?? he is not here~ so i sms him.. ask him.. where is he?? seem like i am rite.. he at home sleeping.. IF TAT IS SO!!! WHY DO U WANNA SAY THAT U WANNA COME ACCOMPANY ME!!! why u always wanna give me hope and den smash it instantly?? WHY!! u tell me... why u wanna shatter my dream..


i asked... abt saturday.. gosh... i can feel that pain... is aching... my heart is aching... and when i ask again.. u dun even kw saturday is what day... 13th.. ya.. is 13th... so??? it seem like nothing mean much to u... man.. i really heartbreak.. who care abt 13 anyway... is just a normal day.. with 24hours.. where the sun rise follow by the moon.. den poof... 1 day is gone..


yea.. now i kind of jealous.. jealous why u can immediately reply ur fren and not me?? ur gf wun even stand a place in ur heart.. coz.. replying her.. mean nothing to u... but do u kw.. ur gf here.. is hoping to see her phone ringing.. hoping to see ur name appear in her phone... hoping for some love and concern... yet everything just......... haiz...


is love so hard to seek??? must i undergo so much pain to get the love i wanted?? i just dun understand.. i am totally gone... enough.... enough is enough... everything will just stop... i dun wish to take another blow anymore... is too hurt...




我的心在哭，你却听不到。。。

currently in school... very very sleepy.. morning 10am start lesson.. after presention can go liao.. liew.. 30min?? haha.. den all the way from 10.30 break till 3... T.T wa lao.. very sleepy leh!!! haiz.. my eyes can barely open liao..


hmmmmmm.. today is my dear cousin yiwen birthday!! hehe.. happy birthday yiwen.. ahhhh.. so tired.. cannot write liao.. lol.. stop here first..

Firstly, let's hope tat javier recover soon.. he fall a sick quite offen recently... hmm.. heartbreak sia..


Today, 171 very very late!! haiz.. make me late for lesson.. den teacher scold me lo.. so suey.. well.. very blur at first lo.. but den.. sian.. forget to update my ELtech book.. den teacher teach de some of it i dun have... lucky eddie got share la.. but i never really pay attention in case.. coz i know liao ma.. keke... i am so clever!!


Well, when i take out my phone.. i saw a miss call.. i tot is from my dad.. coz normally he like to flood my phone... hehe.. but.. very surprise!! is from javier.. my darling... haha.. *hair stand* so ba leh!! haha.. hmm.. everytime when miss call is from javier.. i super sad.. coz he hardly call me de.. den finally call liao!! den i never pick up!! arghhhh... T.T wat a waste.. so ke xi lo!! how wish i can sense my phone vibrating.. haiz.. well, when he call tat time, i was rushing to my class.. coz i am late!! maybe tat is why i never sense my phone vibrate bah.. well.. he wanna tell me tat he sick... sob sob.. BUT HE NEVER TELL ME UNTILL HE REACH HOME THRU MSN!!! wa liew..


man.. he said he vomited.. gosh.. i wonder how is he sia.. well, after i found out tat he vomited.. straight away end class rite... the first thing i do is to call him.. man!! i so worry abt him.. his voice seem so weak.. like a wind can knock him out.. haiz.. heartbreak liao la.. sad sad.. but den.. haiz.. he said he go rest.. liew.. just wanna him to kw tat i am worry for him.. but i think he dun sense tat bah.. a little while also cannot talk to him.. tat really make me heartbreak more.. i wonder how is he now.. well, actually i going to wait for him den go back home together de.. but sad.. seem like dun have this chance liao.. sob sob..


i now still in school.. so tot of writing my blog bah.. i flood with project.. haiz.. really headache.. somemore.. gastric is acting up again.. i just hate it.. everytime like this de.. maybe i skip my meal too much le bah.. tat why.. T.T


oh ya!! my new room is abt to ready le!! ytd.. i put some star on the ceiling le.. but like not enough sia.. haiz.. i think have to buy more.. $5.90 leh!!!!! wa lao.. so expensive.. but den.. out of SO MANY stars, got one heart wor.. hmm.. see tat heart.. feel so wen xin.. haha.. my parent went to buy my room de stuff.. bed la.. etc.. but den!! my bed!! my others stuff.. not i chose de.. wa liew.. oh ya.. i ask my parent get me a double bed.. hehe.. well.. since i so tall.. and love to kick here and there.. move here and there.. double bed is best for me bah.. muahaha.. i still remember.. when i was a little girl, my mum always kanna kick by me de.. den end up kanna beat by her.. ouch!!! tat's hurt!! haha..


i wonder what they buy sia.. later go home must see liao!! hahaha.. hmm.. tat room.. i am scare la.. coz saw ghost in tat room b4.. but den.. think.. should be ok bah?? haha.. finally got a room for my own!!!! muahahah!!!!!! haiz.. but got project got to do sia.. T.T got to do IS de project.. and customer service de project... wa liew.. cannot slp liao... sure die..


javier.. please take good care of urself wor.. ^^ i still need u take care of me de leh!!! hehe.. muack.. get well soon..

haiz... sian.. i was so blur in school today.. i forgot i got what lesson.. den anyhow walk... lucky my classmate saw me.. den tell me what lesson.. liew... very jialat sia!!! den inside lecture class.. stupid le!!! teacher say i so blur.. somemore so loud.. wa lao.. i really blur ma.. cannot help it de.. haiz.. den he say he very disappointed with my result.. coz he expect me to get more high.. T.T but.. i careless mistake ma.. den.. tat stupid superposition thingy i still dun get it!!! T.T haiz.. if not i sure get above 80 de lo..


sian.. i on having this thinking.... why tat javier dun wanna reply me leh????? izzit he scare of being hurt?? or what?? i really dun understand.. arghhhhh... haiz.. maybe.. think so bah... maybe should like tat.. haiz...


just finish concert.. but i still cannot get javier.. haiz.. oh well.. since tat is the case.. den i think i should stop auto find him liao.. wait till he auto find me bah.. give up leh.. really.... haizzzzz... bla bla bla bla bla... anyway, i got a teddy from my classmate wor.. ^^ yeah.... he so good.. muahahha.. but den.. tat eddie say.. so big leh still like teddy!! but i like teddy what.. cannot help it.. weeeeeee... oh well.. so long i like it.. nobody can take it away from me.. weeeee...


i think.. i still feel very real.. i dun kw why.. it seem like there is a layer of something outside of me.. prevent me from feeling the outside world.. izzit because i lock myself too long?? if u ask me.. what is love?? i have no answer.. i try to love... but it seem like is so hard.. no matter how hard i try.. it seem like i still got a distance away from javier.. what is love??? i always say i am behind the door.. and i always say i wan someone to get me out of tat dark world.. but den.. i am terrified.. whenever there is noise outside the door.. i will tend to hide more inside.. izzit becoz i too long never sense the outside world?? i dun feel life at all.. haiz.. feel like going to the beach.. since last year bah.. i always wanted to go to the beach so much.. to really relax myself.. let myself out.. so many dark things covered me.. who will be the one holding a touch and lead me out?? maybe that is the reason why i want security so much.. no matter how tight javier hold me.. how close he is to me.. there is always a distance between us..


9.04pm.. i still in school.. raining wor.. seem like today will be another day i get myself wet.. oh well.. nvm... is good to be wet.. i love to walk under the rain.. ^^ the time going to chek jawa.. tat is the only time, (so far) i so enjoy the rain.. weeeeeeee... think.. i should stop tat story i writing.. and continue another one bah.. and i think.. i gonna need to use more proper english.. gonna train my writing leh.. lucky now got eddie beside me.. if not.. i think i gonna start to anyhow think leh.. but maybe.. i will anyhow think later in the bus.. haha.. i always think and think when i am alone.. oh ya.. i still got my blog with me.. ^^


sian.. keep edit my blog.. coz i cannot really find the words tat suit my heart.. T.T

ytd.. i spend 8hours with my darling.. weeeee.. finally can spend a long day with him.. hmm.. i got IS ytd ma.. den.. i finish at 12nn.. den he start lesson at 1pm.. well.. i ask him come early to school lo.. come find me.. hehe.. but.. i got to wait for him to finish his lesson la.. hmm.. he finish at 3pm.. so i think is ok lo..


hmmm.. i told him.. if he late.. i will not wait for him.. muahahaha.. not bad not bad.. he did not late.. somemore.. he reach at 11.30am.. lol.. hmmmm.. 3days never see him.. finally.. can see him leh.. the first thing came into my mind when i saw him.. kw is what?? is.. somehow he dun have enough slp like tat sia.. lol.. anyway.. we went for lunch(erm.. he eat only), den go library lo.. hahahaha... liew.. cannot believe he just throw me there like tat.. left me blur blur at there.. liew... go also go is a good way ma.. just shoooooooo disappear.. aiyoyoyo...


oh ya!! he love to scare me.. dun kw why.. i at library ma.. i see my watch.. hmmmm.. abt 3pm le.. think he will be here soon.. den POOF!! he just beside me.. %&(@$%(@$ scare me sia!!!!! u this da ben dan!!! why love to scare me so much... aiyo...


after tat i accompany him go to YCK de driving centre.. coz he wanna register driving ma.. haha.. he ask me go go register along.. but den.. mai la.. maybe not now.. hahah.. hmmmmm.. saw... kwok huat and ben there also.. wow.. kwok huat de hair stunt sia.. lol.. den ben.. like fat liao.. hmm... den guess what?? somehow we like very lucky leh.. the number Q we get.. is.. 999... lol... den we sit for a while lo.. hmmm.. after everything is ok.. holala.. RAINING~ lol.. den we wet wet.. aiya.. nvm for me la.. but.. liew.. his leg so long.. walk so fast.. i need to run to catch up.. if i never wear long jeans.. i sure can catch up.. T.T coz scare jean wet ma.. but.. in the end still wet la.. too bad..


well, we end up at a bus stop sia.. he is wet sia.. at least.. he still very gentleman... give me tissue to dry myself.. gosh.. he hug me at the bus stop.. >.< public leh sir~!~! aiyo.. den he said he wanna go toilet.. den we go mrt station lo.. oh ya.. before that, sun called me.. saying she got 2 movie preview ticket wanna give me.. since javier say ok.. den i take lo.. she den said she meet me 8pm at vivo... WOAH!! so far.. T.T got javier with me.. can la.. haha.. hmm.. den tat javier go toilet lo.. den i wait outside the toilet for him... well.. guess who i saw.. i saw someone very familier.. hmm... den i stare stare.. oh!! is xiong poly de good friend.. tat guy.. forgot his name leh.. after that... the 2nd one i saw is.. jia lun... den i wave to jialun say hi lo.. haha.. den like tat lo.. lol!!!! the last one i saw is xiong!! aiyo.. he so big size still can hide untill so good.. till i never notice him at all.. tat xiong like asking me, u at there for what?? den i show him "sign" tat i waiting for people.. hehe.. after tat.. javier and me go take bus back to yishun.. hmmmm.. stupid leh HIM!!! keep tease me the whole day!!!!!


need to say!!!!! now i recall!!! really angry!!! ARGHHHHH!!! HE TEASE ME!!! KEEP ON TEASE ME!!!!! (hey you.. stop laughing hoh!!! i box u den u kw!!!) sian.. in the bus.. i put my both hand together ma.. coz thinking something.. den stupid javier laugh.. i ask why?? he dun dare tell me.. end up he said.. "got bf de hand dun wan to hold... go and hold own hand..." LIEW!!!!!! arghhhh!!! tan yan gui!!!!


den hoh!!! u all kw ma.. when i walk.. my hand anyhow swing de.. den accidentally hit his pipi!! LIEW!! somemore.. hit 3 time.. T.T WO BU SHI GU YI DE!!!!!!!!! wa lao.. he tease me again!!!!!! stupid!! really feel like kicking his butt like tat!!!!!! stupid stupid!!!!! hmmm... whole day keep tease me jiu dui le.. somemore show me tat er xin de video.. arghhhhhhh... shit u!!! >:-(


hmmmm... i take out "dinner" but den is my breakfast bah.. coz whole day never eat.. lol.. after tat we headed to vivo lo.. gosh.. the bus.. is so long!!!!!! maybe 1hour plus?? haha... in the bus..... hmmmmmmmm... we just like sweet couple.. haha.. but den!! maybe my leg too long or what la.. feel uncomfortable.. T.T haiz.. bo bian.. when we half way to vivio, maybe gonna reach?? sun msg me say tat she cannot make it... *Faint* my eye went O.O WHAT!! T.T wasted a trip down to vivo.. T.T but den.. javier say.. nvm.. we can watch movie at there also ma.. haha.. (*^-^*) yeah... love you..


but... when we reach there.. T.T the stupid movie!! time all so late.. den cannot watch leh!! den.. hehe.. i want to go the place wor.. the top la.. haha.. love there so much.. weeee.. den we tian mi mi at there.. awwwwww... hao xin fu.. hahaha.. but the trip back home.. was like.. sandwich.. T.T tat javier fall a sleep.. instead i slp on his shoulder, he fall a sleep on his own.. sian.. cannot slp on his shoulder.. den dun kw how lo.. oh ya!! saw wei jie in the bus too.. hehe.. he just finish school ma.. haha.. seem like i keep saw my secondary schoolmate ar?? hmmmm.. i dun dare to move much in the bus, coz javier fall a sleep.. scare i will wake him up.. so.. sandwich jiu sandwich bah.. but.. KANG BU CHU!!! he heavy also.. haha.. hmmmm.. den my head start to feel hurt sia.. headache ar headache.. den he say i like hot hot like tat.. but i think is he hot not me bah.. haha.. hmmmmmmmm... he tell me his story also.. awww.. can see he feel hurt sia.. after hearing.. i now kw.. no wonder i so jialat... maybe he scare he will hurt bah.. tat why treat me like tat.. T.T liew.. a bit xin ku also leh.. javier ar javier.. i cannot promise u tat i wun hurt u... and i dun dare to promise anything.. haiz.. but.. at least dun treat me untill i so xin ku la.. haha.. at least u did heal me.. ^^


hmmmm.. so tired.. T.T my gastric hurt when i in the bus just now.. i so scare i will faint again.. but lucky.. is just my gastric... tat all.. not faint tat kind of pain.. phew......... haiz..... sian... 4 hours break later.. end up become 2hours.. coz i miss practical on wednesday.. awwwwww... i alone only.. kind of scare scare sia.. how sia.. T.T oh ya!! T.T tat piggy... never reply my msg!! T.T liew... it seem like he reply all his friend except me!!!!!!!! haiz... ke lian... haiz.. dun kw la.. very headache now... haiz.. got to do MOL liao.. sian..

was so happy ytd b4 i gone to bed.. but everything went to thin air again.. now i kw... cannot expect too much.. the more u expect, the greater fall u will get.. i fall once again... into the bottom of the deep occean.. i dun wanna get another fall again.. haiz..


javier msg early in the morning.. saying that he wun able to fetch me to sch.. coz he having a headache.. man.. when i saw tat msg.. i really.. haiz.. i also dun kw what happen to me la.. cannot slp after tat.. he crash it again.. T.T wo de hope arrrrrrrrrrr!!! well.. nvm la.. he headache.. let him be bah... but really... very very very sad lo.. how wish.. haiz.. nvm.. not important anyway.. who care.. i give up liao..


since cannot slp... i just lie on my bed.. till the time is up.. den i prepare to go sch.. my whole body ache a lot.. but somemore.. need to bring so much stuff.. maybe is not much la.. but den.. it too much for my aching shoulder.. somemore with one lappy on my hand.. haiz.. bo bian liao lo..


when i reach downstair, i look around.. hope somebody will just pop up surprising me.. but dun have.. den i headed to the bus stop.. hope for him to be there.. nope.. he is not there.. den when the bus come.. first thing i look is the back seat.. nope.. he is not there either.. oh well.. seem like.. wun be able to see him liao.. den got to wait school to end.. coz he said he will fetch me home.. but i think... he dun have the chance anymore..


when i in bus 171.. i almost fainted.. and i mean it!! i really almost fainted.. not those play play de.. is a serious one.. my tummy suddenly got a great pain.. dun kw is cramp or what.. very very pain.. den right after that.. i started to feel so weak.. my eyes.. my view.. everything like getting more and more white.. very very very giddy... den feel like vomiting.. maybe this is what they call "white out" instead of black out??? i dun kw.. my leg den start to feel weak also.. den i keep cold sweating.. my whole body is half way down and i tot i going to faint.. BUT I CANNOT FAINT!!! i still got project... got school.. got so much to do..


thx god.. i did not faint.. but.. my leg is not strong enough.. i almost fall when i alight at the bus stop.. i saw the bus is just in front.. but i have no strength to walk over... i take a sit.. rest a while.. to keep myself clearly awake.. i den called up my dad.. telling him what happen to me.. den he ask me to come back home by taxi.. well.. i did not call for a cab right after he hang up.. my view getting better... den i think.. can i still make it on the way to sch?? well.. i dun kw.. i called up eddie.. telling him that i wun be able to make it to sch today.. and ask him to help me some stuff la.. haiz.. lucky got eddie.. if not i think.. die leh.. do need help from friend when something happen.. phew..


*giddy* oh well.. gonna continue my blog.. hmmm.. after everything is settle.. the first person i think of is javier.. seem like.. wun have the chance to let him fetch me home from school liao.. he did not reply my msg.. i wanan call him up.. telling what happen to me.. and hoping he can take me to doctor.. but... i didn't.. since he having bad headache.. and me... maybe will give him more headache.. wanted to msg him tell him.. also like.. haiz.. no use.. he sure slp like a pig.. and can never wake up.. instead of asking him for help.. i help myself den.. T.T


i cross over to the bus stop opposite.. even old grandma walk faster den me.. gosh.. i am really sick?? or what?? i dun kw sia.. i call a cab lo.. in the cab.. i feel not very gd also.. feel like vomiting also.. den very giddy.. well.. the uncle drive somehow very fast.. *thx uncle* hmmm.. i get off at blk 110 there instead.. coz i need to see a doctor.. lucky the clinic open leh.. and already got people inside sia.. hmm.. den i wait for my turn lo.. after telling the doctor what happen to me.. she gave me some medicine lo.. hmmm.. who will interested in what the doctor told me?? haiz.. nvm.. not important anyway..


when i got home, i took the medicine.. took some food.. den i went to bed and rest.. well, i woke up by my mum phone call.. shi shang zhi you ma ma hao.. i so sick, only she will concern sia.. but i can't slp anymore.. haiz.. the first time.. i see.. is my phone.. "no sms, no miss call" oh well.. i think even if i really did faint in the bus.. no body care right??


who can u blame?? no one.. i only can blame myself.. is not javier fault anyway.. he ownself sick also.. haiz.. nobody can help you unless u help yourself.. ya.. i agree with it liao... sian.. why i began year 2007 like this.. i dun wan!!!!!!! i wan 2007 to be a happy one... haiz... T.T




Treasure Your Love One, Before Everything Is Too Late.. Will You Treasure Me Now? Or Will You Treasure Me After You Lost Me?

i am SICK!! haiz.. early in the morning.. kanna flu leh.. gosh.. now feel so terrible.. dun kw got doctor a not sia.. haiz.. nvm.. maybe rest a while can leh bah.. well.. if tml i still feel sick.. i think i gonna need to go see doctor liao.. haiz.. so sad.. 1st day of 2007... i am sick!!! what the.. how can i start a NEW YEAR like this??? oh well.. despite i am sick, i still help out my dad in the hse.. now i thinking.. he painting skill.. really so bad??? haiz.. no choice.. i got to help out ma.. den i help him get rid of all those extra de paint.. T.T man... so difficult.. i do till.. i kanna paint.. whole body got paint de thingy.. den flu feel so terrible.. got a few time, when i get down, feel like fainting like tat sia.. eye like white out.. oh well.. at least i am still alive to write this post.. so i think is ok bah...


stupid brothers.. no wonder they are twin.. die die stick together.. wth!!! wun help out de loh... arghhhhhh.. everyday must shout shout shout.. tat time shout till no voice to shout at them.. think i wun lost my voice this time.. really feel very terrible without my voice.. hard to communicate with ppl sia.. oh well.. i hope this year.. year 2007, I CAN STOP SHOUTING AT MY BROTHERS!~ haiz.. man.. i feel really sick.. maybe after this post.. i go take a bath.. den go rest a while liao.. feel kind of weak.. well.. see wat time wake up bah.. haiz..


tat stupid javier.. arghhhh.. cannot find him de sia.. nvm.. hmm.. ytd he did come find me.. oh well.. i feel really tired ytd.. cry for 1 hour.. who wun tired after tat?? haiz.. i still go down lo.. well.. dun kw where is he.. i look out for him at the spot we always at.. he wasn't there.. well.. den i think he might be at my hse downstair lo.. well.. he is there.. den i go sit there lo.. hmm.. at least he still kw how to apologise.. well.. i bring him to another part of my block.. coz my parent may come home anytime.. if let them see us, it gonna be a sleepless nite for me.. coz they sure ask a lot of stuff de.. oh well.. hmm.. we set down.. and.. he told me something abt him.. he said tat he got a twin brother.. but den.. dun kw why, he is not here anymore.. and he did told me about his condition too.. his heart got one hole.. at first.. i dun really believe.. coz i got bluff one time abt one person life.. and i gonna need to make sure everything is true.. well.. it is true.. tat what my heart told me.. hmm.. was kind of weird sitting there.. so.. i bring him to another place lo.. haha.. is just beside my block..


we chat lo.. detail... i not going to say anymore.. hmm.. stanley last day.. wasn't feeling well, is true la.. but, still got to go lo.. cannot forget him de la.. he cry sia.. i almost cry with him too.. hmmm.. we wun forget him de.. javier did not came back in the end.. "i will sneak out".. bla bla bla.. eeeeeeee!!! bian ren de!!! oh well.. nvm.. oh ya!! xiao ming did not wait for me.. den he went back home.. haiz.. den i got to walk back alone.. the road seem so long sia.. i was like sleep walking.. T.T hmmm.. tat javier!! can really slp even i not home yet??? dun kw la.. he was like so BUSYYYYYYY everyday.. wan find him also so hard.. haiz.. den.. dun find him bah.. wait for him to find me.. let see.. how long... how long i need to wait...


hmm.. he give me his words.. he said tat.. he promise to give me whatever i wan.. erm.. i dun think he can make it... he will be my one and only darling.. erm.. maybe... my future to be husband.. eh eh.. too early to think leh.. he cannot promise but he will try to be good to me.. gosh? what does he mean by this?? mean he will not be good to me??? i dun kw wor.. if i sad, he will tell me jokes... if i happy, he will give me kisses of joy.. if i sick, he will risk all his life now to take care of me.. haizzzzzzzzzzzz... i am sick now.. but where are u??? u are not here with me.. man.. u wan me to love u.. dote u... but den... i also need u to dote me and love me leh!!! T.T


haiz.. feel so sick.. nvm.. tell him also no use.. i still got to take care of myself... T.T go bath bah.. sob sob..



STUPID DAY!!!!!!