well.. i in libary now... i almost fall a sleep already... gosh.. today whole day in school.... 5hours break.. haiz... just now already have 1 hour break... but now??? 4hours break in a go... oh man... i really wanna fall a sleep already... haiz....


ytd... have a terrible sleep... toss and turn.. but i still cannot get to sleep... but somehow.. fall a sleep la... haiz... i got this dream.... so weird... let me slowly recall... i dun really remember the dream... but... i remember.. there is this cat... a small one... and the cat is like trying to tell me something... hmmmm... some how i follow the cat.. till my hse kitchen.. (eh.. the dream is in my hse) eh... den the cat... inside my hse toilet.. dun kw what happen sia... den i went back to my room.. hmmm.. somehow the cat follow me... haha.. den what my mum told me was... throw tat cat away.. i dun kw what happen sia... den i follow my mum instruction lo... den i try to take the cat... the cat never attack me.. but was trying like to escape la... hmmm... i touch the cats stomach.. like trying to make the cat feel good la... like tickle the cat and things like tat... den... i got the cat up... eh... when i walk by the window.. was thinking wanna throw down a not... but i dun wan... also dun kw why got this kind of weird dream.. den.. i went back to the kitchen.. den throw inside the rubbish dump... gosh... how could i do that!!!!!!!! i can never do tat kind of stuff de lo~!~! who will bare to kill such a lovely animal... baby animal... haiz... den... i also got another part of the dream... the feeling is like talking to kusanagi... haha... maybe becoz this few day keep talking to him bah....


he is kind of sweet u kw... haha.. he said something.. make me very touching... "no matter wad no matter when as long as u stay true i'll b there for u.. i promise.." is tat a short term promise?? or a for life promise??? i dun dare to think.. dun ever dare to guess... the more i expect... the greatest fall i may had... but somehow.. he is the first one tat told me all these... haha.. what it mean by stay true??? he dun kw how to explain... well.. i think i kw what izzit... haha.. and... he give me one name... the only name tat he use to call me.. coz he said.. "ruby" sound so old... liew.... tio shoot... haha.. but nvm... at least he is being true to me.. hey... "true" maybe it mean tat be honest and never hide anything... ya.. is tat meaning i think...


hmmmmm... i read finish his blog... and... the feeling... is like what i have before.. well.. not for the relationship part.. haha.. coz me is always single.. haha.. is good.. hmmmmm... he said tat his birthday over already.. it was at the 5th of march... well.. maybe hi 21st birthday next year.. i can celebrate for him... haha... and!!! is really very true tat we are similar(eh.. am i saying this a lot of time liao???)... for eg... when he msg me, is also the time i was about to msg him... when i msg him, is also the time tat he abt to msg me too... the song we listen.. the feeling toward certain song somehow the same.. we are kind of link... i can sense him de existen... well.. how wish somebody can sense me exist too... love playing pangya with him... coz can kw a lot of thing abt him... it seem like i kw him a lot.. and he know me?? little.. hahaha.. it doesn't matter also... hmmmm.... he is a good person... (time to hide....) haha... why hide?? coz he is too good le.. tat why i must hide... well... i still remember what he told me ytd... and.. it seem like i can sense his feeling... but not really all... but i kw the feeling he is facing bah when it came to certain thing... is this a good thing?? or bad thing??? i dun kw le.... haha...


oh ya.. i remember.. he said something in pangya... but i dun quite understand the meaning... haha... den i think he act blur bah... haha... gosh... what am i keep on saying him.... haiz... 4pm den start my lesson... now den 1.21pm... how wish somebody can call my phone and chat with me... can anyone sense tat???? haha.. i dun kw... hmmmm... i wanna find more bitter de chocolate... i wanna try back the 79% cocoa de... coz tat time i eat.. dun really enjoy the taste... the more bitter the chocolate.. the more nice it is... serious... u all just have to taste the sweetest in the bitter... tat really feel good le..


oh man.... why i keep talking abt chocolate too.... one bad thing abt chocolate is that will put on weight... haiz.. nvm la.. fat fat also no ppl wan me... T.T haha...


i really very tired now... later 6pm den finish school... haiz... everyday friday... from morning 8am till evening 6pm... 1ohours~!~! den today??? 5hours break... should be 4hours de.. but teacher finish class early.. den become 5hours... haiz.... so boring... eh... feel kind of hungry also... but very sian.. dun feel like eating.. coz just now caught a bit of flu... now feeling better liao.. just now i was so giddy man~! haiz.. and.. this proved tat i and kusanagi really link.. coz he also flu... and toss and turn sleeping ytd... hahahaha... is this coincidence or are we really link??? for me to kw.. is for me to find out... so... kambatehyo~ haha...


sian.. dun kw what to write liao.. haiz... feel so down.... can anyone sense it??? sob sob...

hmmm.. my result out le.. haiz.. so disppointed about my result.. especially my EM(Engineering Mechanic)... coz... 1/2 marks gone... arghhhhh.. stupid!!! if not i full marks lo.. wa kao... end up.. 99%... liew... really very very very sad abt this... i could have got a full marks for it... all the working all correct.. know what goes wrong??? coz calculation la!!!! all correct.. but.. calculator press wrong i think... i got double check... haiz... still double check wrong.. wa liew...


my blueprint... ok la.. never really expect what result will get.. i got 91.5%... haha.. ytd learn new stuff... using computer to draw the diagram.. liew.. computer keep got problem.. but.. i finish all the homework.. ahahaha...


hmmmm.. my FQM... not very good le.. score 76% only... coz i never study at all.. hahaha... ok la.. not too bad la... can do more better if i got study... haha... so.. jia you lo~


my EG1.... also can call it the math... haha.. well.. i got 79%.. say eg1.. ytd so fed up abt it.. wake up so early.. end up.. reach school.. say class cancle.. wa kao~ 4hours.. nth to do... liew... 1pm den start my other lesson ma... sian.. i can sleep more de le~ sob sob... well.. a number of us went to KAP.. KAP is the mac nearby my school la.. King Albert Park.. haha... hmmm... den... after dun kw how long... everybody gone.... go play pool.. go shopping.. i never go.. coz i dun wan to.. so i stay at KAP... helping eddie and tiam jin their ME... haha.. the new thing we learn... quite hard le... the working very very easy.. only the FBD... Free Body Diagram.. tat is the part tat is quite hard.. coz u miss out one thing... the end~ whole question wrong.... see... so... danger... haha... but i will do it well... i die die must aim an AD for my EM... hahaha... but.. i scare of EG1... coz.. it seem like my math is so weak... sob sob... if my secondary schoolmate see me saying tat my math is weak.. they sure very very surprise... haha...


oh gosh.. 3 continueous days... i never have a super nice sleep... haiz... think the time clock inside me.. haven return back yet.. oh man... so suffering.. sob sob... today.. i woke up.. dun have time to have a hot drink to fill my stomach.. so hungry~ haiz.. i take cab go to yishun MRT to buy the stupid bus concession... and.. when i rush to the bus stop.. ARGHH!! I MISS THE BUS!!!! gosh.. lucky me.. never late for lesson... but.. the traffic~ SO JAM!~!~! haiz.. hope to get an motorbike.. like tat.. jam also wun have any problem.. haha...


so hungry~!~!~!~! haiz... hmmm.. ytd got stomach cramp... liew... so painful... i hate stomach cramp.. haiz.. I GOT EAT!!! but still cramp... i dun kw why... haiz... hehehe.. guess what.. ytd.. i sneak goodies... to my blueprint class... hahaha... so nice to eat.. well.. i bring small stuff la... big stuff.. sure die.. coz cannot eat ma... haha... T.T my stomach is calling for help... so hungry~!~! sian... still got over 1hours plus den break.. break 1 hour.. den continue lesson till 3pm... after tat!!! go home lo~ meeting robin later.. wonder will he put my aeroplane again??? or... he will wait?? haha.. how i kw...


hmmmm... newly know one fren lately... he is shawn.. he is a japanese... but live in singapore.. haha.. sure will ask him teach me japanese.. and.. i kw.. LITTLE bit... haha.. shawn, anata hontoni baka des~! lalala... like this phrase so much... and... he got some sot of thinking very similar as me... and!! he hoh!!! say word tat i always say too!! hey u!! copyright de hoh!~! hahaha...


OH MAN!!! TOO HUNGRY~!~!


hey hey!! guess what.. ytd after school.. i went to mac... and.. yiyi at there.. haha.. he cut his hair... so.. weird man.. we went buy paint.. coz boss ask him to paint something ma... well.. xiao ming also there after we bought the paint... coz xiao ming also got to help out ma.. den me?? extra de.. haha.. just appear there ma... well.. the paint.. we bought the wrong... is white.. but.. is not the white... haha.. got different range de ma... hmmmm.. after tat... haiz... soccer stuff.. yiyi went buy soccer tickets... haha... and... i help out them to paint the stuff wor.. haiz.. i wore black... they also.. lucky never kanna my shirt... haha... but.. kanna my hand.. is oil paint.. so.. a bit hard to clean with water.. but this morning.. the paint all drop out... so ok la... like look like kanna liquid paper like tat.. nobody will kw is paint.. hahaha...


*faint* Tu Zi Er *faint*


sian ar.. still got so long to go... faster finish lesson le... haiz... gonna fall a sleep liao.. zZzZzzZzz..

oh man.. school reopen le.. well... because i everyday so "EARLY" sleep... haiz... coz me in a totally difficult state... coz.. I CAN'T SLEEP!~!~ haiz.. roll here and there.. end up.. sms-ing calling for help.. haha.. kw what the solution.. bang the wall.. haiz.. but i never do tat la.. i dun wan to have another baluku on my head.. haha..


well.. i think i having a bad health le... gastric problem maybe... i dun kw.. i not doctor.. i not sure.. den go hospital check up?? also feel so weird... hmmmm... let me see... after a few time... i feel i really need to go for a check up... still remember i having a great pain while walking home tat time?? i did mention inside here.. hmmm... ytd i went to studium for a run... oh gosh.. tat when i really think i am really in deep trouble.. run a while... less den 100m.. my gastric hurt so much... izzit just like what my didi said?? drink not enough water??? or like what adrian said?? too chim.. dun kw how to phrase it.. haiz.. think.. i do something to myself first.. after tat.. if really nothing improve... den i go for check up.. and tat is a serious stuff... i will do it... so now.. drink lot of water... see if it help... if not... gonna prey hard le...


eh... got a dream ytd.. also got dream today... today... i dream tat.. i can't sleep.. haha.. maybe... tat what i suffer too in my dream.. haha.. den end up.. eng tat at my hse... ?.? oh gosh.. how on earth he at my hse.. haha... well.. den in my dream.. i show him my computer... coz.. the bluetooth thingy lo.. think i need to go Acer again~ sob sob.. i hate it.. eh... saw eng tat just now.. so toot... haha..


hmmm.. came school with robin... seem like every monday we sure will in the same bus... hmmm.. as usual... saw him.. i sure wan to laugh... HAHAHA... (*^-^*) he had a hair cut.. but.. the way he walk... haiz.. still one ah beng~ hahahaha... well he is not... but.. look like one.. lol... hmmmm... gonna rush back to mac later to sign the A.L.. haiz... so rush.. i so tired now... sob sob... how wish holiday longer... eh... better no school... haha...


yawn.. TIRED~!~!~! going for class le... tata~

guess what... i hate my brothers so much... they just can't stop their mouth from talking nonsense... what the hack.... hope i not their sister... what they kw is just keep on saying things abt me to my parents... hell man... so hate them talking about me... den my dad... my mom... end up nagging all over the place... I HATE IT!!!! a small little simple thing... can let my brother say untill BIG things... hell!~ hate them hate them hate them... end up?? my dad.. keep on saying.. outisde guys cannot kw de... outside boyfriend all bad de... wa kao.. how on earth did i got a boyfriend??? i can confirm is all my brother tat do all these... I HATE IT.... y must i get suspect for things i never done??? i just hate it... they only kw how to talk big... den do??? NOTHING!!!! arghhhh... so bad mood... dun even feel like picking up any call...


went to K-ster with cg... starting.. i really feeling very bad... and i didn't talk much... well.... cg was late... waited for so long... haiz.... nvm... he is the Mr Lateness i know... haha.. never late?? not him... if not... will have red rain... hahaha... lalala... hmmmm... as what i was saying... wasn't feeling very good... but.. they show me one book.. well... from they book.. i think... i really got depression.... but dun kw why... when i see the book... and reading books... i feel very good.. feel a lot more better... well.. think i addicted to books liao... i am a book worm.. hehe... hmmmm... really change me into a different person right after i finish tat chapters cg ask me to read... well.. i understand it... very meaningful tat book... and... i suffer from depression.... haiz... i think i am... or maybe.. i really am.. coz what they book is saying.. the eg the book is giving... just like me.... and from tat... i am certain i did suffer from depression... oh man... what am i thnking anyway??? hahaha...


well.. at K-ster... we in a room... a japanese style room.. but.. for me?? dun really feel like is a japanese style.. haha.. coz nth really can show is a japanese stuff... haha... well.. i am sure is very cold inside... but lucky.. haha.. got so much stuff can cover me... well.. today sing... hmmm.. ok ok la... but can't sing high notes... den was dreaming inside.. end up??? cg tot i dun like the song.. haha... oh come on.. i almost dream de... hahaha... sometime i will just stare in the sky... haha.. i am so gong...


hmmmm... den eat western food lo... haha... hmmmmm... reach home at 12mid sharp... woah... what a zhun time.. but.. b4 i reach home.. oh man... got pervert!!!! sian... i so scare of pervert... but my neighbourhood.. a lot of pervert... haiz.. den i run as fast as possible.. hahaha... run with my wall's ice cream... yummy... one big box... i wonder when den i can finish.. all chocolate.. haha.. i just miss chocolate... is time to enjoy my day to the fullest... tat what the book said and aziz too.. i can learn a lot from aziz... and i am sure of tat... hahaha... enjoy each day to its fullest... yeah baby... hahaha... oh well oh well.. just hope no more pervert.... coz the pervert was pressing the bell on his bike... i so scare~! T.T


well... at least i can get back the smile on my face.. haha... sian... dun really wanted to go back to school... coz got coward there... a coward tag my blog dun dare to write name... and think i dun kw who is she... what a noob... oh well.. me is me.. just be me... i born to be myself.. hahaha... who care what others think... is their mouth.. so long tat i never do anything tat is bad.. who care... right cg??? haha... that what u wanna hear me saying right?? haha...


yawn.... maybe have a early sleep bah... ahhh chuuuu.... oh no!!! dun tell me i got a flu~! NOOOOO~~~ hahahaa... tml is sunday... last day of my holiday... sian... dun kw what to do... haiz.... oh well... as usual... stay home slack bah... hahaha...


Dun Fully Trust Your Feeling.. Coz Is Not Realiable... Trust And Believe On Facts....

was so empty when i wake up today... haiz.... wasn't sure what i am doing whole day... other den playing gunbound... i have no idea what else i can do... can't smile... but... was in a totally break down mood today... firstly... my 2nd aunty called my hse.. she finding my mom... from what my mom reply... i kw something is wrong.. and is very wrong...


well.. cg den send me something... in msn... "im sorry for tt day. but as for wad u have written on ur nick, if that's wad u think tt as a gd solution, i've nth to say. bye" bye again... this bye... i dun wan... cg ar cg... do u kw what i trying to tell u??? i dun wan to hear the bye... ever since tat day happened... i dun kw what to do... saw u online.. yet dun dare to talk to u... coz i scare might end up fighting for nothing again... or most likely... wun even reply... i send 3 sms... 1st one... asking for what u thinking... 2nd one... to ask.. if u got anything wanna say... the 3rd one... i was breaking down.. i wan somebody to acc me... but none of them... none of them u reply... none of them... is this the answer u trying to tell me??? or izzit asking me to give up... do u kw... every single msg... i took how much courage to send... and do u kw... how much i think... whenever my phone ring??? think what will u answer??? how will u answer??? but u chose to ignore it... even when i am in a totally down state... i need a stroll out... u didn't even care to reply... haiz... 3 sms... i think... 9.15pm in msn tat sentance.. is the last sentance u said to me bah.... tat 3 sms... really... hurt me... but do u kw?? in msn.. u type that.. how i felt?? i dun kw... i got a sudden pain in my heart... is tat what they call heartbreak?? i was shock to see tat... and it feel like time stop at that moment... at the 3rd msg... i was so sad... coz i heard news tat affect me most... and... i tot u can just... acc me.. but never... u didn't reply... i end up crying alone... again...


i cannot control myself whenever it about my grandma... and i kw.. tat phone call from my 2nd aunt... is not a good news... den when my mom told me... i really.. cannot take the blow anymore... is too much for me... i tot this kind of thing.. wun happen to my family.. coz i always believe.. my family... everybody... my relative... everyone... is so united and close.. the bonding is strong... and this kind of thing wun ever happen.. coz i love my grandma... i love her a lot... my mom told me... my 4th uncle wife was thinking of sending my grandma to yang lao yuan... but my 4th aunty wun allow... so my 2nd aunty called my mom... saying... 4th aunty ask my mom to quit her job.. and go look after my grandma... but... now... my hse.. tat 2 stupid brother.. never work... only my father is working... and for me?? i studying.. is almost impossible to work... and.. left my mom... she is working too.. i dun kw what will happen... my mom ask me... what to do... but.. how am i suppose to answer??? i told her.. i dun kw.. dun ask me.. coz.. i dun wanted to answer this kind of question tat will hurt me... why can't they just think of how grandma is feeling??? for all the elderly... going into yang lao yuan... is almost equal to their kids giving up on them... when i old.. i dun wan my kids to send me to yang lao yuan also... grandma love her kids.. grandma love her grandchildrens... grandma love me... when i am young.. i always follow my brothers to grandma hse.. and sometime.. grandma will give me money... $10... what is $10... at that time... $10 is a lot to me... tat $10 is full of love and care... the warm... nothing can replace... and now??? they wanted to send her to yang lao yuan?? I OBJECT!!!! but what can i do?? i'm just a small kid in their eyes.. all the stuff... where can let us grandchilren to decide???


with such messy feeling in me... i really wanna go out and take a walk... cg unwilling to reply... xiong was mad with me... coz he dun wan me to go out in such hour... i kw he scare i might in danger ALONE... but i really wanted to go out... i really need fresh air to cool me down... i really happy tat u accompany me play game... i really did feel better... coz at tat moment.. i really gone bonkers... i really break down... now i den kw... maybe this feeling... cg have before... and i kw how it hurts.... is all adult stuff.. we children better dun touch... tat's what i told those youngest one.. when the biggest fight is on with them... CNY.... i am one of the oldest among the small one.. so i ask everyone to go inside the room... wun allow them to see the fight.. they fight... they shout... even we in the room.. we can hear... b4 i leave.. grandma was crying... i went give grandma a hug... i really dun bare to see grandma like this... and now??? this news... really... make me... break down... why they adult just can't understand grandma a little??? why they wanna give up on grandma.... i know the feeling of being giving up.... maybe... now... i already being give up by somebody already... i dun wan the feeling of giving up... people may say... come on... u only 18... why u wanna get into the world of them fighting... why u wanna worry abt it so much??? i tell u all why... becoz is abt my GRANDMA... i love her... she dote me a lot... i wun wan her to feel hurt... i dun kw if she know abt the yang lao yuan stuff... if she already kw... how she react?? did she cry??? i bet she will... grandma love us so much... how could they do this to her...


i cry and cry today.... first cry... becoz see cg wrote tat in msn... 2nd cry... when mom told me abt grandma stuff and plus cg didn't reply.... 3rd cry... now... i dun wan my brother to see me like this... coz they sure anyhow say stuff... and now.. they already start saying stuff... things like.. broken up with somebody... have a fight with bf... etc... oh well.. i kw... my 2nd brother... use "tired wanna slp de tears" and help me hide it... coz my big brother.. is so super toot de... haiz... they talk without going thru their brain... coz the feeling is too strong for me to endure it... tat why i cry... oh well.. they are so arghhhhhhhhh.... i hate it.... why can't i have my own little space... everytime this hour.... is the only time i can be alone.. in a quiet place.. with me my own only... no matter what i do.. no ppl can comment.. no ppl will kw... but... all becoz of soccer... they not sleeping... haiz...


ok ruby... stop crying... it hards... but u still have to get over with it... it very hard to bare... after a cry... u will feel better rite??? maybe.. this is the way u release ur stress bah... haiz... ruby... dun go more deeper inside tat door... the deeper u go in... the more harder u need to get out... u need to face.. u cannot hide inside... just stay beside the door... wait till somebody found the key and save u out... dun walk anymore deeper... coz.. tat somebody might not find u even the door is open... pls... have fate in tat somebody... trust him... he will be ur light... and take u out of tat dark room... someday... he will appear... u just need to wait... u must believe... even whole world dun believe... u must believe... i kw u will believe... be strong.. wait beside the door... somebody will show u tat pair of hands... tat bring u out... and u will be in a world of happiness.... so believe ok???

i slept for abt 13hours today bah... got so much of dream... gd dream bad dream... is all just dream tat wun come true... well.. so long... i am happy with the dream... even it dun come true... i also wun regret...


went swimming with yc today... well.. she was late 30min... coz she eating.. haiz.. den i wait lo... wait till.. i finish reading one book.. haha.. hmmm.. was quite happy swimming... never really swim... haiz... dun kw why.. we chat lo.. play a bit.. haha.. it seem like we were in the old days... no worries... no nothing.. just happily playing in the swimming pool... feeling so great.. but.. i grow up now... all these can only keep as a memory... a good memory of coz... well.. we went to northpoint.. i saw my boss.. haha.. after tat... went to mac have some bite... hmmm.. after tat.. went to starbuck coffee... and order my favourite... CCCF(Chocolate Cream Chip Frapuccinno)... well.. we set down there.. at tat seat... the seat... i set with somebody... the corner of starbuck... well.. it gave me some refresh back... but it seem like everything is over now...


i know... nothing can be change even when i am sad... so pls.. let me be in realiaty.. there will still be something tat i cannot put it down in ur heart... and maybe... what i can do is just close up the door and ignore everyone... sitting alone inside a room... maybe.. off my phone and let it rest for a day... but is not easy.... to erase all the memory i have... i cannot cry... i know i cannot... loneliness being lighten up... my tears has melted... but i still have to thank you for what u have done... thx for taking away my smile... and coz my tears to run.... i still like u... but with hurt in my heart... i need time... to stop everything... all the hurt.... all need time to heal... and need time to stop myself for getting further...


每个人都有着自己的世界。但你偏偏走到了我这边。渐渐的，你已成为我所需要的空气。而情不自禁的我也开始走进你的丝线。在一瞬间，我发现我们的距离又回到了原点。而你也已经开始对我视而不见。this is wrote by joanna.. one of my fren... nice dun u all think so???


what is loneliness??? i always wanted to get away from it... as far as possible... in order to gain something.. u must undergo it first... but.... when u get something... on the other hand.. u will lose something... and me??? i keep on losing lot and lot of thing... and what i have gain??? maybe the name of "cry baby"... i found out tat.. i cry kind of lot nowaday... will i be blind?? i dun kw... someday... i wondering... if i die.... will anyone cry out?? from the bottom of their heart??? i kw my family will... but.. will my fren??? how many of them really cherish me as a friend??? as a sister??? as a buddy??? or just an object blocking their view... an object that they wan to remnant??


i just wanna be me... accept it or not... there is no point changing when no one really see what u doing... who is me??? i am a gal... a gal going 18years old soon... a gal tat always got friend surrounded her... a friend tat can help her friend when they got problems... a gal tat willing to help in others studies when they need help... a gal that is lonely in her heart... ice and cold... a gal that is hurt by a fren tat already known for 13years... backstab?? betray?? this is what she get in the end... long known fren... i dun trust this anymore... coz the longer we know... the more painful it is... does anyone really kw who is me??? does anyone really willing to walk into my world... does anyone willing to understand me??? does anyone willing to lead me to a brighter world happiness??? i tot someone can.... someone will.... someone understand me.... but..... it came out in a different way... a totally different outcome...


well... a few days ago... having a fight with cg... i dun kw am i in the wrong... or am i correct... but.... he is not the cg i know.... coz he throw temper on me... the cg i kw is not unreasonable... the cg i newly known... is not like this.... the cg i used to study with??? the cg i used to eat lunch and dinner with??? the cg i used to play basketball with??? the cg i used to kw..... wun like this.... the cg i kw wun becoz of a small thing and scold me.... the cg i kw is so smart and understanding... but he is not anymore... why do i feel hurt??? why do i really cry it out??? why do i have to bare all the pain myself?? i dun wan it... is not what i wanted... why do i still have the tot of what is he doing??? why do i still care what he is under going... after all.. he did hurt me... all the wording keep on going on and on in my mind... he sound like... i being so irresponsible... he love to hang up phone when he is angry... he love to hang up the phone when the fire in his heart is so strong... but does he even kw tat by hanging up the phone... can coz me how much pain??? no ppl ever did tat to me b4... coz all my fren wun do tat to me.... coz i kw i treat them gd... and they will treat me gd too... but... when he hang up the phone... after he throw the temper... is making me feeling so.... it seem like i did something tat cannot be forgiven.... and when he call again... i wun dare to listen... coz... he might end up hanging up again... so i refuse to listen... i dun wan to get hang up... i dun wan ppl to throw temper on me... i dun like it... i dun wan... coz it will make me feel tat i done something wrong.... but what make me bust into tears is what he send me after tat... how could he said tat... "people dun wish to help me, dun wan to pick up the call.. nvm"... how could he.... does he kw what he is saying?? does he how much he hurt me for tat sentance??? i bet he wun... coz he is not the cg... the cg wun throw temper on me.. i kw cg wun... tat person is fake... 3rd time... i bust into tears writing this.... i just dun understand... what things become like this... izzit my fault??? if tat day... i just go over... maybe things wun end up like this... but... i just wanna stay home.. where also wun wish to go... why can't he just let me do whatever i wanted... why can't him just understand me a bit.. even a single bit... will do.... why can't him just put tat little effort to think what i am thinking... izzit really tat hard to think for others??? i just dun understand... why no matter what i do.. is all wrong... u wun learn if i go help u... is all for ur own gd... why can't u just understand what i trying to do... but... i never go help u... end up like this... i also dun wan... the pain is not nice to bare with... i dun wan... i dun wan anymore tears coming out from my eye... i wan to be a happy cheerful old me... but now?? crying everyday... dun help me become cheerful at all...


everthing... is all in a human mind... is all what they think.... is their mind... u can't change their thinking... god gave everyone a different mindset.. so that they can learn from each other... izzit what u trying to tell me eddie??? eddie is my classmate in poly... he is a very nice person.. give me advice... and telling me all sot of stuff... he is a very different person... i can learn a lot of useful stuff from him... but i wonder... can eddie teach me how to be happy???


aziz... wrote me a testimonial in friendster... how wish i also can have an addition smile on my face... a smile tat is warm... but... no matter how much i done for others... do they cherish me??? i dun kw... some do.. but some do not... ""The best thing in life is 2 b Urself" i always tell people that.. U make this word sound so easy 4 me 2 speak & do.. Cos people like U show respect 2 others inspite of hw they look @ outter skin, U c what's inside them.. U have a great achivement by been URself in aways as a good friend" aziz.. am i really this kind of person??? but why do i end up hurting myself once again??? i dun kw how to prevent me from being hurt again and again... is so hard... no matter how hard i try... i just wun cross the passing line...


all these.... is making me know more and more abt human... and make me more and more silent... started to refuse to go out... everyday stay at home.... can i grow up?? i dun kw... coz i dun kw abt outside world... it seem like there is a gap between my world and the outside world.. i dun kw what is the world like... i dun kw how bad it is... coz... i always got gd friend around me and protect me... people like xiong and yiyi... they both take very gd care of me... they protect me a lot... they take gd care of my health... last time.. when i feel like eating in the middle of the night... yiyi will accompany me go supper... and xiong?? he always prevent me from getting hurt... with them by my side.. i wun get hurt... i will be so happy.... but... i wun learn... i wun kw what the outside world is like.. coz i am too lucky to kw all the good people... living in a gd environment... and.. all these make me cannot take all the problem coming to me.. coz i not strong enough... what should i do... cry?? it wun solve the problems... oh well.. so long as i overcome it... eveything will be fine.. i grow up already.... so... let it be bah... everything will be fine...


i am quite surprise... i still awake... but... after crying.. now i kind of tired.. my mom gonna wake up soon... cannot let her see my eye... or else.. sure ask a lot of stuff again.. i wun let my parent kw anything.. i dun wan them to worry abt me.. coz i grow up.. i can take care of my own... so... just dun worry abt me bah mama papa... time is 5.55am.. what a nice number.... after swimming... i still got energy to stay till now... well... when school reopen.. i think.. i gonna dead for sure.. the baluku on my head still haven recover.. it still hurt... becoz of this baluku... let ppl say i stupid.. i careless.. haiz.. if i kw.. i will get this baluku.. i wun bother to take my guitar... how wish my guitar is make of paper.. like tat.. hit liao.. wun pain.. and of coz.. wun baluku.. haiz... i think.. it will recover in just a couple of day ba... omg.. my mom woke up.. sian... must faster go slp... dun let her see my eye.. so.. haiz.. dun write liao... write also like this.. haiz.. slp bah...

play gunbound all the way till morning 10plus den sleep.. hahaha... look like my hse de bill for this month gonna be huge... hahaha... liew.. gunbound.. this morning.. keep lose lo.. keep tio trash by rongwei.. so bad.. haha.. haiz... when go slp... hmmm... can't really remember... haha.. i very fast... jiu slp liao.. haha..


what dream i have le... hmmm... now ask me recall.. a bit rusty... well.. i dream of my cousin yiwen.. hehe.. yiwen is the only cousin same age as me.. and at the same generation.. as in the same batch... coz others... too big.. just like brother de batch... and some.. too small.. young young batch.. haha.. tat why me and yiwen is more close... hmmmm... i only remember i dream of her... but what happen in the dream.. i dun really remember... oh ya.. got some image le.. yiwen was at my hse... den.... we were playing... games... i think is gunbound... haha.. from the darkness of my living room.. i think is evening what... den... my phone ring.. is a sms... it from somebody... in my dream... i dun have the feeling of reading tat sms... but den... i got read.... but i only got the chance to read the first sentance... other den tat.. no chance to read.. if i remember correctly... "why i dun cherish all the friend around me??" this is the only part i read... still got a lot... but i just can't read it... hmmmm... and after tat... woke up lo.. STUPID BROTHER!!! talk so loud... till wake me up... well.. my dad and mom also talking... and now.. it really very noisy liao.. can't continue to dream le... hmmm... i slept for 7hours.. haha.. and now.. ok lo.. nth to do still...


hmmm... sian.. i got a baluku on my head... well.. becoz i trying to take my guitar... den.. unbalance.. KONG... wow.. so many stars.. haha.. one baluku lo.. haiz... poor me... now the baluku still there... haiz...


oh man.. my hse so noisy... keep on shouting GOAL... wa lao.. den i shout like hell.. keep on ask them to quiet... oh man.. DIAM DIAM LA!!!! so noisy... haiz...

morning... going 6am den slp again.... coz gonna teach sok mui physics ma... slp all the way till 3 plus den wake up... give a call to mui.... chat for a while... den never go out study le...


hmmmm.... having abit of family fun just now with my mom... she was so... wahaha.. funny... but end up... kanna find out by my brother... too bad... but.. i got KFC to eat.. hahaha.. thx mom...


and.... something really disappoint me so much.... 2nd time i cry.... all becoz of u... why can't u just understand me??? i also got my own lazy time... in this whole world.. dun mean only u can be lazy... i also a human.. i also will got lazyness in me... and all because of a stupid ear ring.. u wanna quarrel with me... den i only got one thing to say.. i am too disappointed in u... and if u still say i am a kid, den i will say the same words to u... all because of a stupid ear ring...


u kw what?? i feel i keep follow u... whatever u wanted to do... even if i dun like... i will just follow... and now?? i can't do tat anymore.. all the while.. i am just a naive gal.. is time for me to use another view... tat dreamy view i have.. only appear in my dream... in this real life?? is wun happen... maybe it will... and tat only my Mr Right can give me...


but den?? whenever i wanna do something... when will u agree with me??? everytime u say no.. mean no... i just hate it... u just wun try and kw what i wanna do... how i feel... this is the 2nd time... 2nd time... i wun have anymore tears for u anymore... coz i kw.. dun worth it... is meaningless... no matter what i do.. u take it for granted... now i understand...


hey ruby... dun u think u are just an idiot??? always think forgive and forget is the correct way... maybe because of this.. tat why u always get hurt.. dun u?? and all becoz of u getting hurt?? u getting stronger each time... why can't u get stronger using another way??? ur teacher told.. u will get stronger everytime u get hurt.. but... u only can get strong if u overcome it all by ur own... and now?? yep.. u always alone overcome.. since u can overcome??? mean u are stronger... so now... be brave... u not so easily defeated...


but say seriously.. i really was so angry... if u all were me?? will u all travel all the way to somebody hse and just to take a stupid ear ring?? i bet u all will say no... oh come on?? is just a small ear ring.. i not ur maid... i can't resposible for ur ear... coz is UR ear.. not mine.. and.. i dun understand.. why u can't do it ur own... and throw me tat temper... i cannot always help u to do it... "teach a man how to fish or give them a fish everytime".. i just dun understand why u just dun wanna learn it... if u keep on like this.. i dun kw what will happen to u.. i dun wish to let ppl take for granted... a small thing like this... i assume u kw how to do it.. and not always ask me to do it... pls learn how to fish... instead of me giving u the fish all the time... i always let u be... let u do what u wan... whatever u wanna do... even if i dun wan??? u die die wan me to do it... but.. have u ever think how i feel??? can u just spare a feeling for me?? and not always think of what u wan... put urself in my shoe can??? if u were me.. will u??? i bet u wun... nvm... forget it... i just a toy for u only...


bobo... thx u.... thx for letting me speak up... u this di di... mei you bai teng... well... kind of a bit throw temper to u.. well.. even u ask me to throw temper on u... i dun really want to... thx...


i got a dream today... it dun seem nice... well.. abit nice.. coz i dream.. i was playing tat machine... well.. the one.. i always play with yiyi one.. at timezone.. haha.. the one tat u can caught the soft toy.. in my dream.. i was caughing the soft toy.. it was so fun.. coz i caught it everytime... i got 3 big toys.. was so happy... hmmm... in my dream.. i was with a couple of people... but i dun kw is who... i only kw... among everybody... only me and one guy is 18 this year.. but.. i dun kw who tat person is.. the rest all very young... well.. also appear in a place.. not sure is a big house.. or a company.. coz the light.. let me feel like home... but den... is not totally home.. coz what i was doing was like inside a company.. helping to solve a big problem.. and what problems??? i dun really remembered.. but... what making me sad is... got one part.. it was on my birthday... but den... i was all alone... no ppl celebrate with me.. hahaha.. maybe it will come true bah... nvm...

well.. now den i write my blog.. haha.. kind of "early" haha... time is 2.23am now.. play gunbound half way.. den come out write... hohoho...


after tat stupid xiong keep saying food to me ytd... at this hour... i really wanna kill him.. i was so hungry man!!!! haha... well.. we set to eat the following day together ma... haha.. he said he going to slp till abt 2 plus in the afternoon... well.. i also woke up at 12 plus le.. but... he said 2 plus.. so i head back to my slp.. till 2 plus... haha.. and.. found out.. xiong woke at 12 plus also.. hohoho.. and he was saying... wait for me to wake up till he wanna die liao... but.. i already dead ytd... hahaha.. after he like tat say... let him starve a bit la... haha.. well.. when meet him... he give me tat face... haahaha.. and i was laughing all the way... hmmmm... was eating his uncle stall de food.. and... i was the one ordering.. coz haha.. cannot say.. ppl de stuff.. no need to say de.. hahaha... well.. he left the money on the table.. den went to hide.. hehe.. guess what i do??? i think he dun kw bah.. i keep the money back to his wallet.. and.. use my money... hahaha.. cannot always let him treat de ma.. and this time... is my treat... so he dun kw.. i think... hahaha... well.. we ate so much stuff.. making me so full.. hohoho... after tat we head to YRR mac.. hmmm.. he go return safe key... den me?? buy one ice cream lo...


after tat.. he head back home.. as for me?? i went to cheng guan hse.. hahaha... and help him in some stuff... i better not say is what.. coz i can laugh till siao... haha.. hmmm.. i bought back my guitar.. i left it at his hse for quite some time le.. hmmm... tot of playing my guitar... but end up.. play my computer... hahahaha... poor guitar... tml den i touch u bah... eh.. i think cannot again.. coz.. i gonna teach ah mui physics.. and maybe.. ask wen jie to come out also.. study together... eh... maybe is not study together.. coz.. i dun need to... hahahaha... got to run to gunbound again... rongwei inside waiting for me.. haha..


stupid connection... sot sot de... haiz...

aiyaya... hungry... hungry day... how hope got people buy food for me.. haiz... my brother so bad... dun wan help me buy.. haiz... nvm... strave bah... also dun wan go down in this hour... going 2am... sian... what can i eat??? haha...


today... i got another dream... hmmm.. cheng guan appear in my dream again... haha.. well.. wasn't very sure abt the dream.. coz very unclear.. and is not easy to remember the dream... but.. i only remember one part... haha... and is a msg part.. no wonder i will remember the msg... haha.. for me to kw.. for u all to find out bah... is a dream afterall.. hahaha...


so hungry~!~! i dun kw what to say.. i only kw i hungry... haha... and xiong so bad.. say me pig.. keep hungry.. haha.. but den.. i cannot control also... haha... so late.. how can go out... alone go out eat... siao sia.. u all also kw that my hse here not safe de.. got pervert... next door got one liao lo.. haiz..


sian... nvm la... see how lo...

eh.... also morning going 6am den slp again.. haha.. well.. slp till 10plus i wake up already.. ahaha.. i dun believe it.. but den.. hack care la.. i still go back to slp.. haha.. and kw what?? stupid!!! my brother... wake me up again.. i hate it lo... everytime like this.. cannot enjoy my slp.....


eh.... cannot steal wireless connection today.. sian.. which mean no gunbound... liew.. sad.. and my desk top cannot make it de... sian... so boring...


i went movie with cheng guan.. again.. haha.. ytd is garfield.. today is RV.. the show is very nice.. u all should watch.. i really laugh till siao... but not tat really siao la.. haha.. very interesting.. and also learn abt family.. the dad soooooo wei da.. haha.. but den.. cheng guan also very gentleman la.. lend me his jacket.. haha.. thx ya~


well.. now my leg is killing me.. coz.. i just walk all the way from ang mo kio to yishun... transport?? bus 11... haha.. buss 11 is what everbody sure take b4 de.. u all kw what is bus 11?? is our leg lo.. haha.. 11 = our leg shape.. haha.. tat what i learn in poly.. well.. not in poly.. is by the poly fren.. haha.. well.. saw so much of stuff.. xiao qiang ar... insect ar.. lizard la... and somebody tat surprise me wor.. haha.. well.. i hate walk beside the road.. where all the cars is speeding.. i really scare sia.. coz.. haiz.. i dun kw how to cross the road de.. i can blur untill almost kanna knock by car.. it happen a couple of time b4... haha... well.. the speeding cars and train.. making me very giddy... tat why i keep looking down on the floor.. if ask me to look in front.. i told u.. i sure faint let u see... i cannot walk properly lo... if i look in front... really so scary... ahaha.. cheng guan also scare me sia.. well.. as for him.. he said i scare him.. omg.. we are so.. "scary" team.. hahaha.. hmmm.. i feel.. tat didn't really talk much de feeling le.. dun kw why... haha..


it took nearly 2hours reaching back home wor.. so long never like this walk liao... haha.. feel so tired.. and hoh.. guess who is the person tat surprise me?? haha.. is YIYI!!!!!! i was so shock to see him at the void deck.. but which void deck?? i gonna keep it a secret.. haha.. i keep on laughing... when i saw him.. well.. so long didn't saw yiyi le.. and now.. i saw him.. is distance apart.. but i can clearly see his smile.. he is happy.. i can see tat.. haha.. SO SWEET WOR... hoh yiyi?? wahahaha... yiyi still so cute as usual... i will confirm feel safe with yiyi at my side.. coz yiyi will protect me ma... tat why i love yiyi so much.. haha.. my yiyi not fake de wor.. he is really a super nice, good and a lot a lot... hahaha... well.. i wun talk much on what i saw... haha.. coz i gonna keep it a secret.. but den.. yiyi.. u toot le.. never saw me... izzit i getting thinner?? or smaller size.. tat why u cannot see me... wahahahhaha.... if tat the case.. i sure happy like siao...


hmmmmm... sian le.. no gunbound.. T.T


hmmm... tat cheng guan.. liew.. say this, say that... he all dun believe sia.. keep on wondering... haiz... nvm nvm... so long i kw i never lie can le.. hahaha... yawn... feel so tired now... oh no!!! i feel i getting fatter now.. tian ar!!! hahaha.. nvm la.. also no ppl wan.. who will care also.. lalalala.. so long i happy can liao la..


oh man!! i really too tired liao... have to slp liao... if not i gonna have headache soon... hahaha... k la k la... time for bed.. nite nite.. muack~

ok... i slept in the morning 6am.. haha.. coz play gunbound... well... thank to my brother... i kanna awaken by them... not once.. but twice... well.. cheng guan also called me... lol.. but i was still on my bed.. dun wanna wake up.. so cold... haha.. i start to love my blanket even more now.. coz i feel tat i starting to fear of cold le.. i still remember... THOSE days.. hoh.. cheng guan.. tat really freeze me to the peak... haha..


hmmmm... den at home play gunbound lo.. started to play gunbound again.. haha.. after abt going 3years never touch, now play.. haha.. skill still a BIT there.. haha... well.. can say tat me, rongwei and rey make a great team.. hahaha.. we keep on winning.. we keep on ks(kill steal) each other.. haha.. so fun.. u wun kw... so happy.. and.. i get scolded by my dad.. coz.. i sit on the floor for whole day... didn't really move much.. the time i move.. will be the time i go wash my hand and toilet.. haha.. i use to wash my hand everytime after a few hours de.. dun kw why.. haha.. well.. my dad really nag me sia.. coz he going work.. i think.. 4plus... haha.. den i told him 5am den i go bed.. end up.. i played till 6am in the morning.. hohoho... i think wun how rite?? hehe.. long time never have fun.. so.. now is time to have fun... and.. the "me" tat is happy in the secondary time.. i think.. i also playing gunbound... haha.. and now?? maybe i addicted to gunbound coz i am happy.. hahaha... who knows...


well.. watch midnight movie with cheng guan... we watch garfield... the show was so funny.... i keep on laughing.. den i feel like an idiot lo.. cheng guan never laugh much le.. den i keep on laughing... so weird lo the environment... hahahaha.. well.. quite happy with the movie... at least i can laugh... hahaha...


and... what make me really laugh like crazy is when i at CPCC mac.. haha.. after movie we come CPCC mac ma.. and.. i saw aziz.. hohoho... and!! uncle martin is also here... wahaha... uncle martin without his hair!! he BOTAK now!! coz he go army ma... haha.. and!!!! they were talking GHOST story!! hohoho.. and i... haha... of coz.. will be there... i love their ghost story... and also.. the joke... aziz told me abt his army stuff.... oh man.. i laugh till.. i almost tears... really so funny... i dun believe it!!!! army they got do those camouflaging rite.. and u kw what??? aziz put flower on his black... and no people see him... and when he stand... his officer was shouting!! saying what the hell is tat flower doing on his back of his head!!! hahahha... i went laughing like crazy.. lucky mac not so many people.. if not really paiseh till siao... hahaha...


liew... cheng guan look so... erm... hahaha.... sian sian one... liew.. i also sian sian liao... hahaha...


and.. one last thing.. for the person tat fake in my tagboard.. pls kindly fake more real... can't believe there is really such person doing all this bo liao stuff.. if they got so much time.. why dun go do something more useful?? stop being so childish!! WAHAHHA!!! see... i also can say ppl childish... feel so good...


oh well.. sian.. lappy no batt.. and time is 3.20am.. so sian.. what to do?? haha..

i talk to my teacher.. feeling much better... "the past is the past.. what u have to do is to make ur present a better one..." there is both up and down... nobody can be at the up all the time... as for me?? well.. nothing can get worst den me... maybe i at the peak of down now.. oh well.. i will go UP!!!! i kw i can.. if there's a will... there's a way!!!


and what my teacher told me... let me understand one thing... and is just like what i said.. nobody can help u unless u help urself.. and now.. i will help myself.. coz... by helping myself... is a stage of getting mature.. so... i will help myself.. i will be happy.. rite?? Mr RC... haha... reaction at point C... lol... only my classmate kw what it mean.. haha...


wa lao.. i waited for so long... just wan yang ching to go swimming.. end up... nothing.. sian... what else can i do??? oh well.. do what i started lo... at least i can stop thinking of other thing..

firstly.. thx Wang Zhi Li... haha.. for helping me... see.. happy liao hoh???


i was so happy tat i found myself back.. and found back who am i... who i am... the feeling... and now??? hahahahaha...


i tot.. somebody special appear in my life.. and now?? i think i just dreaming after all... i just wan him to be happy.. tat all.. i try all my best.. do whatever he wanted.. just to let him feel happy... and now?? hahaha.. i am just a child after all.. who will really care what u did for them?? they will only keep looking at ur bad point... i really hate it when he was in the past.. and i dun want him to go back... i try my best... to let him kw tat the past of him, i dun wan.... and what i get is just a totally different answer... why can't u think another way??? why u keep on thinking tat i using those idiotic view to look at u... why can't u think tat what i wan is just simply make u become a happy person and not the past.. every move u make... scare me so much... scare tat u may go back to tat person again.. there is no 100% tat u wun go back... even if there is only 0.001% tat u will go back.. i still scare tat 0.001% will come true.. but.. u just carry on ur point of view.. this is the 2nd time.. u say i using those view to look at u... u wun kw how much it hurt me.. after all these days i spend with u.. i tot u can be the one tat i can go to... the one tat i can find when i cry... the one tat i can go to when i got a problem.. the one i can share my happiness with when i got gd news.. but everything just burst like bubble... u the 2nd guy tat make me cry so badly... nvm... u dun care anyway...


u said.. i should change.. i try my best to change.. even if u keep on pour me cold water... i try my best... i even told ah ma tat i will change.. why??? so many people ask me to change.. i just ignore.. why??? den why when u said den i change?? WHY?? all becoz u play an important part in my life.. after being thru so much with u... all the pain and happiness... and now?? i am just a kid?? u didn't even give me time to let me change... all this is not just 1 day, 1 word can change de... but now.. no matter what i do.. in ur eye.. i just a kid.. a crybaby.. but do u kw why i am a kid?? coz there is something a kid can have easily and an adult can't... AND TAT IS THE HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE!! all the care they have... i just wan somebody to take a good look at me.. kw tat i exist.. and kw tat i also wan some care from them... u dun kw anything... so stop saying me a kid... u always dun understand me.. knowing why i didn't even pour u cold water since ur birthday?? coz ur position in my heart is different.. i wan treat u a different and special person... but.. u just hurting me... like what u said.. our thinking is different.. we are different person... and do u kw?? what will happen when 2 different person met?? u wun kw.. u keep on staying in tat world of urs and refuse to come out.. i try to get in ur world and see what kind of world is tat.. but every step i made coz me great pain in my heart... when u are happy, i am happy.. when u are sad.. i wan u to share with me.. i wan to make u happy.. but.. all becoz u always see urself so important tat others is just nothing... den when i sad??? i start to got no one to turn to... why?? why not even u?? do u kw the reason?? coz u can be easily affected... i dun wan u to be sad like me.. i wan to handle myself.. and prove to u tat i not a kid.. i can be settle my own... but.. u didn't see the effort i made.. no matter what i do.. is all wrong in ur eye rite??? have u ever know how i felt????


i am touch tat day at k-box.. coz at that moment... i kw tat i am exist... even if is just a short period of time.. a couple of minute... but is enough already... coz i kw I AM EXIST... but now??? everything is just nothing... nothing for u.... and nothing for me now.. even is just a small thing.. i treasure the moment... even if it is a small msg... i can be very happy... but is all vanish now... i am so disappointed... disappointed in myself for being foolish... doing all those stuff for nothing.. i am just a kid.. a useless kid.. a kid tat can't grow up.. rite?? tat what u wanted to say rite??? now i kw... thx for saying...

hmmm.. seem like i also wanting to slp liao.. coz my dream is getting more and more interesting... wahahaha... and this time.. so interesting.. it was like.. got interest connection de place.. i close my eye, den can teleport there.. so weird lo.. haha.. but was so fun... i from one end teleport to another end.. so interesting.. no wonder i like to slp now.. haha.. but den.. have to pay off de le.. which is headache.. coz.. slp too much will have headache.. hahaha... T.T


hmmmm... when i woke up, body very heaty.. haha.. so.. take one bottle.. and filled with water.. and drink it lo.. haha.. and now!! yeah... feeling better liao... hahaha... i am strong de ok.. wahahha..


stupid zhili!!!! tag my blog only.. sure never read de!!! u this si bamboo!!! stop calling me bamboo!!! wahahahhahahaha... so BHB!!!! no people miss u lo~ dun anyhow say say.. wahahahha... nite time.. u see.. see how i disturb u!! wahahahaha... still remember.. 2 days b4... i disturb him sia.. make him cannot slp... wahaahha.. so fun... hey hey.. dun say is childish ok.. dui zhili zhe zhong ren.. must like this de.. wahahahhaa... i still very playful de wor.. hahaha... wan me to change?? slowly la.. need time de.. so.. let me enjoy disturb zhili first.. den i will change!! wahahahha...


liew.. papa kanna cheat $50... all becoz of tat salesman.. den my papa anyhow scold people.. scold me.. anyhow push blame on me.. hahaha.. but too bad... no use on me.. kanna cheat de is him.. not me.. if wan scold people.. dun find me.. no point fighting over it... hahaha... oh well.. he my papa afterall.. nvm la.. he wan scold.. go scold lo.. so long i got my ice cream.. wahahaha... oh ya!! i 4got!! i got bad cough today... den i still eat ice cream.. aiya.. see.. 4got... haha.. when eat.. dun have cough le.. weird... look like ice cream is my medicine... wahahah...


hmmmm.. play gunbound whole day.. suddenly go back gunbound play.. haha.. ok la.. playing with rongwei.. now den i kw tat he went back to china.. haha.. tot can ask him out this holiday for dinner or what.. hmm.. look like is gonna be very hard liao.. haha.. china le.. so far.. dun say china.. i malaysia also never go b4.. haha..


i wan go swimming.. and i kw.. yang ching~ my lao peng you.. sure will go de hoh??? lao peng you so many years liao.. sure will go de hoh~ WAHAHAH... hey yang ching.. u bear to see me so ke lian one person go swim swim ma.. hahaha.. of coz not rite.. but... u sure will write of coz u bear.. but in ur heart wun de rite?? wahahha.. i kw u so well.. *giggle* wahahhaha.. so fun.. very fun tag my blog hoh?? so playful still.. haha..


ok.. bobo.. u will be red in my blog la.. flood untill like tat liao.. not red also cannot.. hahaha.. i give u red la.. hahahha... but i more red ok.. :x lol...


hmmmmm... not sleepy le.. maybe have another game of gunbound.. wahaha..

well.. i am sick today... wasn't feel very good all day round.. keep on sneezing.. (aHhHh cHuUuU) sob sob... i got a dream.. haha.. the dream is so warm.. no wonder i love to dream so much... the warm.. the care... the closeness.. what i wanted.. all in my dream... i still can feel the "smile" i have in tat dream.. i feel so great.. haha.. wondering.. only in my dream can have tat feeling?? or what?? hehe..


hmmmmm... cheng guan msg me in the morning.. haha.. have a small chat with him.. i think.. i can't remember clearly.. coz my head hurt now.. head is spinning.. hard for me to think.. but.. wan me recap the feeling of tat dream.. when i close my eye.. i can feel it liao.. haha.. hmmmm... let me see.. oh ya... i remembered.. haha.. he told me abt ytd stuff.. abt the tears... haha... and he also got wrote in his blog ma.. well.. i went and take a look at his blog lo.. i can rest more de.. but.. i have more interest on what he wrote for ytd k-box.. haha... and.. he still dun kw the tears.. is what le.. hahaha..


hey cheng guan.. what true is.. i really very touch la.. haha.. sing untill so good.. lol.. dun say u sing not good... haha.. if wan me to say.. those song u sing for me de.. is the best.. haha.. coz.. is sing for me de.. hahaha.. aiya.. really is touching... den abt the tears.. is a secret.. hehehe.. dun tell u... (*^-^*)


my throat in pain... but.. i still didn't drink lot of water... and i still take western food.. and.. CHOCOLATE.. i just cannot resist chocolate.. haiz.. but den.. my brother buy the wrong one.. haiz.. oh well.. nvm... so long i got the correct type of chocolate.. den can le... oh man.. my head hurt.. sob sob sob..


i wondering... what do people have to say byebye?? i dun kw why le.. i just dun like people saying bye bye to me.. they can say sayonara... see u later.. tata... but not bye bye to me.. i dun kw why.. i just dun like anybody saying bye bye to me.. so take note wor.. haha.... dun ever say bye bye to me!!! haha...

oh... no voice liao... ytd suddenly no energy write blog.. den never write liao.. haha.. sure got a lot to write today.. haha..



well.. a school gathering.. end up only got me and sok mui... so the 2 of us go k-box lo.. on the way to yishun mrt station, i saw somebody... and tat is zhili.. he hoh!! really very blur lo.. look so blur.. haha.. take so long to make sure tat person is me.. haha.. what a blur boy.. well.. after we say bye bye, he msg me.. haha.. what a surprise.. but den.. arghhh.. was so "eye big" to see what he send lo.. kw what he said?? he said i getting taller and taller!!! wa lao eh!!! WHY!!!!!!! sob sob.. suddenly so many people say i getting taller and taller.. and.. he call me zhu gan.. bamboo girl.. OMG.. he really need to wear spec dun he?? haha.. in my whole life.. he is the first one sia... haha..



well.. after tat mui and me went to k-lunch lo.. haha.. we sing lo.. i sing til.. wan siao liao lo.. mui sing little.. den me sing a lot.. haha.. and.. i like the food.. hehehe.. we sing for 3 long hours.. after tat.. we went walk walk lo.. haha.. also bought my favourite cake.. i think consider as a cake bah.. haha.. also bought a lot of stuff to eat.. no choice.. coz hungry... haha.. everytime after k-box.. i sure hungry de.. dun kw why.. haha..



den i went back yishun on my own.. den after tat.. cheng guan ask for k-box... oh well.. 2 session of singing.. haha.. today... think if i not wrong.. 8hours in k-box... haha.. the session with cheng guan.. so funny.. he do so much of.. funny stuff.. haha.. well.. behind.. i let him do all the singing.. coz.. i really cannot take it liao.. haha.. sing too much le.. den so cold!! haha.. well.. at the end.. i delicate song.. he sing lo... haha.. touching wor... so much love song... tears of touch?? or tears of tiredness?? haha.. guess bah... bu gao shu ni... do quite happy... coz he do give me the feeling of touch... haha... but he is just playing only... so... ya lo.. haha..



den reach home le... sick le.. haiz.. feeling so ill... sob sob..

ok.. caught a flu today.. tat all.. can't write anything... something stop me from continue writing.. tat all..

ok.. let me see.. somebody hinting me something wor.. haha.. quite cute.. the way he hint.. haha.. oh well.. he dun wan to say CLEARLY what he is hinting.. haha.. nvm.. dun wan to anyhow make guesses.. haha.. "u can be a wonderful stead.. if u kw how to control a bit" haha.. wondering.. what behind this phrase... but.. i dun dare to be wonderful.. haha.. dun kw la.. no comments.. hahaha..



hmmmm.. now.. past 12am le.. ahaha.. is ah ma birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH MA!!! muack~



hmmmm.... today... start my new life liao.. clear all the tag... coz.. making me feel so.. haha.. clear is good.. like tat wun see.. haha.. still thinking what cheng guan said.. haha...



oh well.. i finish the vcd le.. 绿光森林.. really love the Owen in that show.. SO HANDSOME!!! really kanna shock by him!! so handsome.. hao shuai oh!!!! oh man.. really hope tat really got guys like tat... haha.. if u all got watch the show.. u all will kw.. really show me what is Xin Fu... "do whatver u wan to do.. dun think of waiting for tml.. or think what will happen after u do.. just do whenever u wan to do.. coz.. u wun know if u got the chance".. the last vcd... this is what i learn.. dun wait till it is too late.. really very touching..



but den.. the show.. what make me wanna watch.. is just OWEN!~! tat shuai ge.. hahahaa.. well.. the story.. i dun really feel tat it can really make me have tat feeling.. coz i think it lack of some advanture.. or lack of some Ci Ji de feeling.. dun make me Xin Yang Yang.. also hard to let me wanna keep on watching de feeling.. but.. the love.. very interesting.. haha.. well.. maybe is becoz.. i started to train more on feeling le ba.. after being hurt.. now watch this show.. it wun hurt me much... coz.. the hurt i have.. more hurt den the show tat give me.. but some part.. do let me tears.. haha..



if somebody like owen... will play the volin to me like tat.. i sure love him till siao... but... volin very hard to play.. haha.. and.. out all the song.. in tat show.. all the music.. i only recornise one music.. tat is the Pachebel's Canon.. i also call it the Canon In D Major... i love this music best.. no matter what method it used to play.. i love it... it do can cool one person down.. haha... ARGHH!!! the part he most shuai.. i think.. is when he play the volin.. wearing tat glasses.. on the stage.. playing his volin... well.. he tears.. and.. tat the best and most good part.. his hair is what attract me the first... well.. guys hair always make me attracted to them.. haha.. coz first thing i will see is hair.. and Owen.. his hair!! so!!! NICE!! haha.. well back to the part.. i really like.. the part play the volin on the stage.. if i remember correctly.. is a super big event.. haha.. they will close up.. and if u see and listen carefully.. u really can be touched.. haha.. well.. can say.. when this show start... he look so handsome when he was a kid.. haha.. well.. and when he grow up.. oh man!! really kanna shock.. really very very handsome!!! the first time i saw him.. oh!! i kw.. he is what i sure will catch de.. in the show i mean... ahahaha.. oh man!! why this kind of handsome guy!! not in singapore!! but.. also impossible to find a equal same person.. haha.. i will have a more handsome and good .... haha... guess bah... lalalala..



i got so much to say de.. but now.. i all 4got liao.. hahaha... when i remember den say bah.. hehe..




OWEN HAO HANDSOME OH!!!!

today morning was so cold.. i hide inside my blanket.. well.. gonna get up prepared for school.. my exam.. today got my last exam.. blueprint.. well... on the way to school... i feel kind of unwell... den when i was doing my exam... i feel super terrible.. the table is so low... making my neck wanna crack.. and my head is spinning.. feel very very weak... and feel like vomiting.. haiz...



haiz... well.. meeting cheng guan for lunch.. but.. guess what.. i waited for so long.. nearly 50min standing outside OCBC... haiz.. was so disappointed... how could he be so late.. i am so weak and really feel like fainting.. and when he reach.. just one sorry and walk liao.. liew... how could he.. haiz..



oh well.. i really feel very terrible.. but still pull thru the lunch.. but den.. i dun like it.. the Qi Fen... i dun like it.... haiz...



well.. when i was walking home.. i tot i really gonna die anytime.. well... my mang chang.. super pain... pain till... i dun kw what to do... every step i took.. i really very pain.. every step.. cost me so much of pain.. pain till.. i really dun kw how to say tat feeling... the path back home.. really very terrible... i can't even walk properly.. and guess what.. even an lao ah pek walk faster den me... really super pain.. well... i dun kw how.... i only feel super terrible... when i was at the traffic.. i know.. something is very wrong with me.. i feel so xin ku.. den after the traffic... i vomited... oh gosh... if i fainted.. i dun kw how.. i was all alone...



after i vomit... i feel better.. at least.. i can walk better... and it wun hurt tat much already... but.. when i finally reach home.. feel so weak.. i told my mother.. haiz.. she said should be nothing wrong.. hope so.. i really tot i will die just now.. really feel very weak now.. haiz..



oh well... nvm... even if i die.. nobody will care anyway...

*tears* i really had enough... i dun wan hide anything... all the feeling.. is turning me into a zombie... what i know is... no matter what i do.. just keep my mouth shut and not saying anything when i sad, unhappy, angry etc... better to be emotionless.. and nothing else...



dun know from when... i started to heard from people saying "u think too much".. well.. think is xiong bah... think he is the first one let me notice this phrase.. well.. and whenever this phrase come out from his mouth.. i know something is wrong.. and maybe becasue of this.. when ever i heard this phrase... i dun like it... it will give me a feeling that i dun like..



"hey come on.. u think too much already"... whatever it is... now i know.. being silent is the best.. so as to prevent this phrase from going into my ear... things seem like this... when there is something inside me.. making feel so sad.. so unhappy.. so angry.. so emotional.. or whatever... people tend to ask me what happen.. if i refuse to say... they will just use their way to make me say... haiz.. den when i say?? people will use tat stupid phrase.. u kw how i feel?? know how bad i feel?? when i am so down... tot there is really somebody tat can listen to me.. and not saying "u think too much".. what i wan is just a listening ear.. nothing much... i already feel very bad already.. and this phrase is making me more sad... i just dun wan this phrase to appear to me.. just like cheng guan... he keep on using this phrase a while ago.. and i really.. dun kw what to say.. i just gone offline to cool down a bit.. den went back online again... ya right.. something wrong is within me.. and nothing i can do with it.. i am just like a time bomb.. will bomb in anytime.. anywhere...



who am i??? this is what my dear ah ma wrote..



My Dear Ah Ma Said:
u don hav to be happy when u r sad






this is what cheng guan wrote



Mr. e.V.L =\ says:

a cheerful, sensible, ambitious girl




big bird daniel wrote..



Daniel: good is good. but sometime must improve on ur attitude. sometime don show ur attitude when u feeling bad mood. but ppl trying to console u, den u scold him back also. lol. tat is what i meant. i mean, if u bad mood, if ppl come talk to u, u donno they going to scold u or console u mah. i give u 70%.




this is what jie yi wrote..



XiaoJie says:

a nice person lo



XiaoJie says:

helpful..sometimes help pple






oh well.. was asking people what kind of people am i in their eye.. and i think is a must to ask xiong and yiyi... and guess what i saw?? xiong personal nick.. "since when u become so unreasonable and negative? a small thing also need to be so serious? I HATE IT" oh well.. i think he is saying me.. stop crying just now.. den when i saw this.. i was completely shut down... i shutted with tears all over.. do throw out.. i went back to my parent room.. lock myself up and cry... my brother kw something wrong with me.. well.. he kw me.. he never ask anything.. tat my brother.. he kw me.. i dun wish to be disturb in this state..



i feel so heartbreak.. it seem like i lost somebody... if things are meant to be like this... let it be bah... at least i see there is a need to learn how to do thing all by myself.. maybe i should learn how to be independent like cheng guan.. he once told me before.. he got one state.. watching movie all by himself.. shopping all by himself.. eat all by himself.. play game all by himself.. maybe?? i can do it too... well.. the 2week holiday weeks.. i think.. it time for me to MIA.. hahaha...



i being crying for whole day... how foolish i am.. what for crying anyway?? well.. when i at my parent room.. i took my phone with me.. i wanted to find someone to talk to... but.. i got no one to call.. cheng guan... sok mui... yangching... joanna... qiu ping... only this few people name appear in my mind.. but.. something stop me from calling them... and i am very sure what is tat feeling tat stop me from calling them... i told myself earlier ago.. i wun tell anyone how i feel.. what i think anymore..



got scolded by cheng guan... haiz... a while ago.. saying me sensible.. a while later saying me not sensible.. and after all these.. think he wun have the mood to see me or even continue the movie session with me bah.. so.. i chose to walk away... i dun wanna add anymore burden to him... even he keep saying no.. or saying is all my nonsense thinking.. i kw.. i making him vexed... making him so stress etc.. haiz... the more i dun wan him to feel all these.. the more scolding i may get... end up will be so like this.. it seem like i living like what he live in the past.. i just dun wan to get anymore scolding... that all..



i feel so... haiz.. seem like i put him aeroplane... haiz... wondering... what should i do...











well... i do travel to northpoint.. and wanted to watch the movie with him.. but den... i dun have the gut... dun have the face to face him... haiz... i do reach there at 6.20pm.. but den.. was thinking... how am i gonna face him.. well.. do saw kingley at northpoint.. he was standing at OCBC bank... i think he got saw me.. i was like a blur sotong keep on knocking onto people... knock here and there.. trying to hide myself from letting kingley saw me.. i dun kw why... i keep wanna avoid all the people tat i kw.. i walk one round in northpoint... calling my fren see whether they wanted to come out and accompany me... oh well.. none of them... none... no one.... alright... i was alone... after tat i went to yishun pond... i walk the big long way... hmmmm... i think i walk 2 rounds bah... after tat i walk one big round in yishun... around the neighbourhood... hmmmm.. thinking what i doing... well.. the strolling alone.. feel kind of relaxing.. cooling.. good tat i got my jacket on... well.. dun kw i stroll till what time.. den went back northpoint again... den i bought the vcd i wanted... well.. also give the called to my god brother choon han... asking him help me check the movie tat cheng guan watching how long.. was wanting to wait till he finish the movie den ask him for dinner... but... haiz... still dun kw how to face him.. den i put off the idea...



my eye seem to be kind of swollen.. haiz.. also dun wanna let anyone to see this... coz i dun kw what will he say... maybe saying i so foolish.. crying over for nothing... haiz... dun kw... dun kw what can i do to face him.. letting him so lonely... watching movie alone... eating alone... haiz... everything already happened.. no matter what i said... all already too late.. and all these is what cheng guan dun wish to see.. i guess so..



feeling a bit better now.. but den... i refuse to pick up any phone call.. joanna called.. but i never picked up.. i just dun have the feeling of talking.. coz.. when i was at northpoint.. when i was calling those "fren".. i almost cry out... my voice is so unstable... haiz... tat why i refuse.. or wun listen any phone call.. i didn't talk at all.. haiz...



tml got my last paper.. and i dun kw how.. i didn't study... and i dun think i can slp today.. haiz... dun kw la.. haiz..

hmmmmmm.... let me think think think... ytd.. was crying in tears... all becoz i have a small fight with xiong... haiz... well.. and also all the stuff la.. but good tat got cheng guan there.. haha.. chatting with me.. we chat so much of stuff.. haha... dun go much to the details... hehe.. well.. at least he make me smile at the end...

hmmmm... but den... wasn't feel good.. haha.. is like tat de la... everytime have a fight with anyone.. i will feel a lot of stuff.. and this time.. guess what.. i feel tat i am very unreasonable.. haiz.. it seem like i keep on find ppl for fight or what.. haiz.. also dun kw what happen to me..

hmmmm... feeling so down when going school.. didn't talk much either.. hmmmm.... was so bored going to school... find people to talk.. also dun have... haiz... oh well.. den went to sch take exam lo... hmmmm.. having mechanical engineering today.. haha.. was late for exam.. well.. and.. i the first to finish the exam... when i finish.. i think i sit there for abt 20min or so den i hand up the paper.. firstly.. i dun really dare to pass up so fast.. scare people say stuff... oh well.. really took me so fast to finish lo.. haha.. haiz.. sian.. den went back after exam lo...

haiz.... den tat idiot eng tat.. cheat me!! hahahaha.... sian.. dun wan say how he cheat me liao.. lazy.. lol... hmmm.. well... den we went to northpoint shop lo.. den i buy one voodoo mini.. at mini toons.. haha.. i bought the "Baby Cupid(Xiao Qiu Bi Te)"... haha.. well.. i saw this written on the paper... "Down on love luck??? Always dateless??? Let baby cupid's arrow lead u to fall in love.." hahaha.. oh well.. buy this for fun bah.. oh ya!! they also got said.. if u believe.. ur wishes will come true.. haha.. wonder... real or fake le.. well.. believe bah.. wun cause me any harm also...

well. went to reservoir after tat.. haiz.. mood down.. so walk walk walk lo... well.. i walk untill so slow... haha.. well.. saw so many fish.... think got more den 100 bah.. well.. but standing there and see the fish.. so weird lo.. so many people looking at me.. haiz.. den i go sit down lo... hmmm... so an eagle!!! the way it fly.. i confirm is a eagle!! and.. it fly till so low!!! abt 7 storey bah.. after tat.. it fly away... haha.. well.. also saw!!! one white bird.. dun kw is what type of bird.. so pure white.. and big.. so beautiful.. haha.. well.. also rain a little.. but i like it.. hmmm.. also found tat a lot of "Han Xiu Chao"... A LOT LE!!! den i go play with it... hehe... well.. called wen jie out to pei wo.. haha.. so good.. he really come out so fast... well.. he wanna to scare me from behind.. but.. heng ar.. i notice him b4 he scare me.. but.. i still got a bit scare by him... hmmmm... den went back to northpoint again.. haiz.. walk again... haha.. well.. wen jie also bought one voodoo.. hehe.. he buy "The Traveller(Mao Xian Wang)"... hahaha... so cute.. i got the photo inside my phone.. hehe.. after tat we went to 219... play basketball.. well.. got the ball from cheng guan... but den.. feel so weird...

hmmmmm... feel kind of weird lo.. dun kw why... cg very very weird.. but dun kw what is the thing tat weird.. coz suddenly give me a "Mo Shen" de feeling.. hmmmm.. dun kw le..

AHHH CHUUUU!!! *sneeze sneeze* haiz.. pooor thing... haha.. oh man.. today whole day.. never have a meal also.... but got a few finger food and a cake.. tat all.. 2 days.. dun have a meal.. T.T haiz...

yawn.. dun have enough slp today... no wonder now yawn-ing la.. ahahahha... k la k la.. dun write liao.. the rest.. tml or what den i continue.. tml no exam.. can enjoy.. hahaha...


So Long As U Believe... It Will Come True...

well.. time pass so fast today.. haiz.. one whole day never eat.. think i am a robot already.. haha.. today got EG1 exam.. well..it seem like it already gone case.. haiz.. oh well.. nothing i can do also.. after exam.. went for outing.. cost me $9 for taxi fare.. haiz.. stupid..


well.. i got there.. caught 1 prawn.. on my own.. haha.. only yiyi never caught.. i got there very late.. i the last one to reach... and.. i caught the prawn.. yiyi dun have.. haha.. very fun... the feeling of catching things on ur own is so great.. well.. i went shouting like crazy today.. coz.. they keep use the prawn and scare me.. and all sot of stuff.. wanna push me down the pond etc.. haiz.. i the only person shouting all the way man.. haha.. oh well.. at least enjoy..


hmmm.. after the outing.. went back to mac.. well.. do some document.. den after that.. went to northpoing lo.. haiz.. was so bored.. so tag along with some of my fren la.. mac de fren.. haha.. we went to timezone.. and play some games lo.. haiz.. so bored..


well.. haiz.. some stuff dun wanna say.. sian.. lazy for me to say.. oh well.. wentto cheng guan hse and "play"... haiz.. end up.. kanna play by him.. disturb my fren in my msn.. saying all sot of stuff making me really wanna kill him at that very spot.. haiz.. he disturb... jasmine( my ah ma).. zhen he.. bobo... and who ar?? oh ya.. xue leong.. haiz.. well.. only ah ma kw tat person is not me.. unlike tat zhen he.. even sms him saying tat person replying is not me.. he dun even believe.. haiz.. he can really go die liao.. haiz.. well.. but very gd tat ah ma kw tat person is not me.. hehe.. but den... it seem like cheng guan went a bit too over liao.. those stuff he said.. is those i really cannot take it de.. dun kw why.. i never kill him on tat spot.. haiz.. no way i can do it.. but.. bobo in the end also kw is not me.. haha.. bobo also quite clever.. knowing his jie is not the one replying him in msn..


haiz.. sian.. so much stuff i wanna say out.. but.. dun kw why.. just having this feeling that i dun really wan to say it out in my blog.. haiz.. what happen to me?? haiz.. oh well.. what i really wanted.. is just somebody... tat can just accompany me.. tat all.. haiz... somebody tat can clear all my mind.. somebody tat can make me happy.. haiz... travelling?? i think.. it gonna become the most hate stuff liao.. well.. if u all got the chance.. try everyday travel the same road.. same bus.. and.. ALONE.. in the bus.. travel for abt 40min or so.. haiz... see if u all can take it.. i know i can't..


hell.. i crying... all becoz of what???? haiz.. just have a fight with xiong.. coz.. i heard something tat i really hate it!!! heard tat he told mac frens tat mac de nanny.. is me.. i dun kw how come all this word come from his mouth... he dun even remember.. haiz.. nvm... i dun kw.. why.. people always like to REN SHENG GONG JI!!! i really very hate people doing tat... if they like to attack in tat way so much.. go attack others la.. what for attack me.. i hate it so much.. i more hate it when i fight with xiong or anybody close to me.. coz i will end up like now.. crying.. what for crying for them... huiling!!! dun worth it.. please.. wake up... is ur life.. not their... even if u cry till u die.. nobody will care how u feel.. even if how u hate one stuff.. people wun care.. so long as they are happy.. so long as everybody is happy... they will just do whatever they wan.. and u?? and just a object or subject that can make them happy.. so what if u cry??? so long they got their fun... they dun care anything... even how u feel..


it making me think back to my past... my past.. all those.. cruel past.. all those.. i just cannot take it... i dun kw why my past is so... dark... so bad.. all those bully days... really.. making me very... weak... i being bully.. ever since i know how to take care of myself.. maybe kindergarden time bah... since den.. i always get bully.. when i go pri sch... life is not easy also.. even went i go secondary.. life is getting more and more terrible for me.. the way they bully.. also increase... i dun kw.. how many time... i have cried.. all becoz of being bully.. well.. when i get bully.. i wun tell my parent.. coz i kw they will be worried abt me.. and all sot of stuff.. they got their stuff to do.. i dun wanna add more burden to them.. so.. i chose to take all by my own.. and.. i dun kw is a right or wrong decision... well.. i manage to overcome.. after abt.. 11years plus.. but... i dun kw why... people keep on bullying me.. non-stop.. haiz.. and what i do?? is to let them bully.. i dun have the strength to fight back.. i just can't... coz i kw.. one wrong step.. and i will be gone case.. i try to be as careful as possible.. but.. what i will do is to get bully and more bully.. i dun kw.. why my life is like tat.. i born to be suffered?? or what?? or born to be a toy to let ppl play.. or just something to let ppl bully.. and make them happy.. haiz.. i still remembered.. in sec school.. got one time.. i get bully.. ah ma(jasmine) go fight with that person.. ah ma dun bear to see me keep on get bully.. and she go scold tat person.. i was so touched.. ytd.. i saw ah ma.. well... ah ma said something.. really.. give me what i wanted.. "Love & Care".. what i wan is just "Love & Care".. she asked "got get bully in school??" ah ma always know.. i always get bully.. really... feel so warm in my heart when see ah ma.. ah ma always will protect me de.. she kw how i felt..


well.. cheng guan shoulder is very nice to lean on.. was leaning on him a few hours ago.. and it give me a warm feeling.. so hope he is beside me now.. at least.. a shoulder to let me feel warm... haiz.. too bad.. he is not here.. well.. was very happy tat he wanted to come fetch me after school.. coz i really wish somebody to be with me when travelling.. but den.. it seem like.. it wun be happening.. haiz.. seem like alone de world.. is still there.. haiz.. nvm..



What I Wanted Is Just Love And Care... Why Can't I Have It.... Where Is The Concern I Gave?? Will They Pay Back?? Well.. I Guess Not...


all the fake smile on my face.. is so tiring.. i always hope those close to me de.. wun hurt themselve... i will do anything to protect them from hurting...

wow... now pass 12 le... cheng guan birthday over liao wor... hehe.. well.. ytd.. too tired.. fall dead while waiting... haiz... den cannot go his hse give him surprise.. but den.. i gave him a big surprise just now at his hse.. haha.. good enough that i can keep the cake inside my bag.. well.. when he was writing his blog.. i behide.. try to do all the stuff.. he never on light in his room ma.. den very dark.. den i wonder.. if i light out.. will he saw the light thru his computer?? haha.. in the end.. i still manage to do it la.. den i sing the birthday song.. haha.. he so touched!!!! tears almost come out.. but never come out.. haha.. ut the 3 wishes.. so... LAME!! haha.. but true indeed.. haha..

hmmm.. people so shuai today.. haha.. can fly sia... i mean he.. not me.. hehe.. we took neoprint.. look so best!!!!! haha.. liew.. my brother say tat one my boyfriend.. sian.. gonna kanna talk by my parent liao.. haha.. but.. i think they wun say anything de la.. i grow up liao ma.. haha.. well.. when he show the neo print to his mom.. aiyo!!! say i look like his gf.. lol... all of one kind sia.. haha.. but i like the neo print.. look great!!! hohoho...

haiz... wonder this year.. my birthday... what will happen... hahaha...

hmmm... the neoprint... look so nice seh.. haiz.. it seem like i only look good at picture.. haha.. rite??

hmmm... went to MS and eat.. Billy Bombers... aiyo.. $158.08.. so expensive seh.. we also play one round of bowling.. hohoho.. i win cheng guan!! haha.. hmmm.. also get to eat Tiramisu.. hmm.. dun have "fall in love" de feeling.. haiz.. but.. cheng guan de cake!! so nice to eat!! *yummy*

hmmm.. den also.. go "Follerton hotel" de toilet.. haha.. den play with the fish also..

hmmmm... so nice... at esplanate.. aiya.. think i spell wrong.. nvm.. hmmm... so nice.. the nite sky.. and we all shout there.. hohoho... and also.. today take damn lot of picture with cheng guan sia!! lol... really very zhi lian liao.. haha..

lol... tat cheng guan hoh.. really.. hohoho!!!

happy birthday to you!!
happy birthday to you!!
happy birthday to cheng guan!!
happy birthday to you!!


Zhu Ni Sheng Ri Kuai Le!!
Zhu Ni Sheng Ri Kuai Le!!
Zhu Ni Sheng Ri Kuai Le!!
Zhu Ni Sheng Ri Kuai Le!!

lol... other language i dun kw sia!! hope ur wishes come true!!

whole post of this all ur name liao.. haha.. happy hoh!!!

happy birthday evl!!!! wooo ohhh!!!

i end up crying... bobo send me this link... it said is a sad story.. well.. since i got the time.. why not read it.. well.. i suppose this story is true.. and.. i really very touched by this story..

http://universalbuddy.tripod.com/story.htm

this is the link.. pls.. read it.. and prepare tissue before u read it.. everything is so... sad... i really cry out from the bottom of my heart.. this is a love story... a story tat i will never 4get.. this is a story abt MiNa Nam and Eun Ji Won... haiz... what a love story... making me feel so bad.. without a love one to love me as much as i love him... ohhh.. feel like having somebody tat can love.. haiz.. the story is so sad... so sad... SO SAD... even death... cannot seperate their love... their love... last for 6 long years... and ended together at the end.. but... is so.. i dun wan the ending to be like this.. is too cruel...

really very very sad.. well.. i told my mum.. and.. i feel like an baby lo.. crying over this kind of thing.. but.. my tears is true.. all this tears is for them... mina.. ji won... hope ur love will last forever.. and no ending.. just like what u wrote.. "True love never had an ending" i totally agreed to it.. really very touched by the story..

feel so silly... always like this.. wun grow up... what the point?? haiz.. finished the book le.. on how to be a happy people.. finally finish the book le.. hmmmm... do learn thing from it..

haiz... still feeling very lost for my life.. ytd... was so touch by xiong.. "see ur nick like this.. of coz must pull myself to talk to u" haiz.. finally.. he got time to talk to me.. i tot.. wun have the chance.. well.. was feeling so lost.. without any close fren anymore.. today... i was all alone... i dun kw why... feeling super lonely.. seem like everybody is ignoring me... even in school... haiz... all the connection is gone... i dun kw what happen... feel super lonely... haiz... miss my sec sch.. i never like this lonely before... what i always wanted is love and care... i dun wan to be lonely... i done so much... what i wan is care... knowing tat i play a part.. and not just a pass by character...

haiz..... last time.. yiyi and xiong give me the more love and care... but now??? haiz... dun even got the chance to see them... haiz.... tian ar!!!!!!! i dun wan like this... i hate being alone.. I HATE IT!!!!!!! today... i do everything alone... shop alone.. buy things alone.. walk alone... i really dun wan this feeling... hao xin ku.... T.T

Where is all my fren when i wan somebody to talk to??? Where is xiong and yiyi???