haiz.... i cannot take it when people lie to me... and break a promise... tat my principle... haiz.... oh well.. is not a big thing right??? lie lie lo... break promise lo.. haiz... dun believe it... hahahaha... i still can take it... oh well... nvm... forget it... i must learn to change!!!! take a deep breath!!!!!!! 1..2..3..4.. well.. tat wat the book taught me.. oh well..

new year eve le... later have to find boss... oh well... sian.... wat a new year eve... new year eve.. 1st thing happen is... scare... after scare... is more worry... den... in the end... get a lie... haiz... please... anyone... anybody... all my fren.... please... dun give ur word when u cannot make it... thx a lot... u all may think is just a word.. but for me.. i take it serious... u all wun kw it will hurt me... haiz...

hey hey... got shuai ge chat with me.. haha.. hmm.... his name is steven.. haha.. he ask me go play mahjong sia... but too bad.. i stay too far.. and also no time today... hmm.. steven is a nice person... can cheer ppl up also... haha... not bad... mood ok liao la... if i dun go think... hehe... wa liew... tv damn funny!!! jacky wu show... i watch till so funny sia... wahahaha... k la.. i go watch liao... hahaha...

He Who Knows Others Is Wise, He Who Knows Himself Is Enlightened...

wee.... not bad not bad... ytd nite.. play maple with xiong... well... play till quite late... i think... hehe... ytd... he tot i something wrong seh.... aiyo... coz ytd... i cry ma... coz... of my grandma... hehe... aiya... i am ok la... nothing wrong with me... well... b4 he gone.. he gave me a star... hehe.. maple inside de star... i like tat star a lot... tat why... when i put a crying face in maple... he will put tat star out.. den i will happy again... hehehe~ aiyo... i am so troublesome hoh??? bloggee... hehehe....

i found out tat i am very emtional le... cannot control de... even the quiz said so... is so true!!! hehe~ the quiz http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho4/psycho4_us.swf u can try... it said that... i am very emotional, and cannot control myself... Especially when i striked with something sad, i am more sensitive than ever, and would response more than others. Once i encounter some hardship, i would think of myself the main character of a tragic story and allow myself to fall into the saddest mood... and also.. when i am mad, i also become sad... even a small fight can make me cry non-stop... i make others feel that it's impossible to predict wat i think...
IZZIT TRUE!!! is so true rite?? if u kw me... u will saw all these inside me...!!! this is abt emotion...

http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho3/psycho3_us.swf this one is abt how low you think of urself subconsciously... and... IT TRUE AGAIN!!! it said tat... i dun have a high clas taste, especially when it come to fashion.. when i pick an outfit, i always dun think anything is gd enough... and end up picking ugly and out-of-time... even though everyone else may not think so, when it comes to art or fashion, i dun have much confidence at all... in order to conquer this, i must learn from a person who is gd at these things... if i can spend time to learn, i can be gd too... OH MAN!!! TRUE!!!!

oh dear... i really give up!! all true~ even this one... http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho2/psycho2_us.swf aiyo!!!! this test is to reveal my charisma and why i are attractive to others.. and.. i am attractive becoz... my charm is my smile!!! it said tat... my smiling face is exactly why i am attractive... just do what i always do, smile to others and be cheerful at all time... den ppl will be attracted to me without doubt.. if i start thinking abt sad things, den i won't leave a gd impression for others... so is very important to remind me all the time to smile.. with an optimistic mind, i can do anything... oh man!!! TRUE!!!!

aiyo~ got one not true.... but... a bit... haha~ dun wanna said tat... welll.. let see.. another test... http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho6/psycho6_us.swf hmmm... this one... ok la... true... this one test abt my stress lvl... and.. i have a fair stress level.. hehe... it said tat... one of the reason for this is my conscious awareness to release my stress b4 letting it get worst.. however.. when i come across many troubles at the same time, i might unable to handle it... there come the problem.. for this type i better enjoy the green and wood... as long as i in the natural environment, i will be peaceful to resolve any problems... hehe~ hmmm... not bad... true... lalala...

http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho8/psycho8_us.swf this one!!! hmm.. not bad.. true... it said tat i got high determination... hehe... not bad not bad~ 70%~ hehehe~

http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho9/psycho9_us.swf as for this... my power to create romance is ok.... this power is suppressed due to my passive personality.. luckily, i very gd at getting ppl attention and care.. it's not hard for me to get a gd caring boyfren... however, i should be aware tat ppl might get jealous at me... hmmm... oh well... hahaha~

OH DEAR!!! THIS ONE!! 100% true!!! http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho11/psycho11_us.swfid tat i very emotional and gd at imagination.. i'll be extremely sad when i break up... i always hesitate to start a new relationship becoz i still haunted by the sad memories... this will bring me into a bad cycle of repeating the same mistakes from timeto time.. dun be overwhelmed by the depressing shadows, i should learn lessons from each goodbye... hmmm... TRUE!!! haha~ why am i keep repeating the same word??? lol~

http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho12/psycho12_us.swf well.. this is a bit TOO EARLY.. but... quite true also... it said tat i believe marriage is mutual and equal.. husbang and wife should both take care of each other and devote the same amount to maintain the marriage.. a well-balanced marriage is extremely important to me... nevertheless, i wun give up my career for my family.. a husbang who is willing to share the housework is ideal for me.. becoz.. both of us can habe our own career.. but remember to save him face in front of his parents and frens... hahahahhaa~

http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho14/psycho14_us.swf i am crative but lack stamina... hmmm.. it said tat... i love shines... i very creative and i can solve any problem.. i am a smart gal... however, i dun have much stamina.. so when it becomes a long battle, i often become weaker towards the end.. thus the ending to my story is often not pretty... with this kind of personality, i should try rescue my relationship b4 it's too late... no matter how busy i am... try to call my loved one, and be with him as often as possible... grab every opportunity.. as long as i keep up with this, my love will last.... hmm.... izzit true??? i dun kw... haven being in relationship since i was born... hehe...

hmmm.... this one... true!!! http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho15/psycho15_us.swf frenship is the most important thing to me.. frens always come first even if it means sacrifice on my own side... but i should kw this can be suffocating to some ppl.. so avoid doing overboard... keep necessary distance... hmmm... but... b4 fren... i think... family is more important... hehehehe...

http://www.sanriotown.com/psycho/psycho20/psycho20_us.swf this quiz tell me why ppl misunderstand me... becoz... I LIKE PEACE TOO MUCH!!! dot dot dot.... it said tat... i always wan peace around me.. and i wan relationships without any fights.. i always smile and listen when others talk... tat why ppl think i pretentious and misjudge me.... i should understand tat it is only normal to have arguments with ppl... tat way, i can establish true relationship with others.... hmmmm... now i den kw tat... peace.... also a wrong thing sia... haha.... i wonder how many more quiz left!!! arghhh...

haiz~ ok... enough liao... i do all the quiz till i wanna slp sia... so tired... haha... ok... let see wat i do today... i whole day.. eay 1 meal... which one dinner... haha.. oh well... i wanna drink soup..... just now dinner.. eat till.. wanna vomit sia... arghhh... so salty... yack!!! i wanna go drink soup... i wanna go tat time me and xiong go de... in maple.. i ask xiong go with me.. haiz... but his mother cook his dinner liao... oh well... T.T den no soup.... sob sob... i dun kw why... everytime.. this time of the year... i cannot eat anything sia... well.. a bit solid thing nia... haiz... tat why i wanna drink soup... play maple with xiong whole day wor.... and very surprise tat jie yi come tag my blog... hehehe... boss also playing... boss is daniel.. CPCC mac de RM... well... he ask me go find him tml at mac... he work 10pm.. same with xiong... tml i will be going mac with xiong together... well... i will be working in mac... tempo for 3 month i think... coz now.. at home also waste time... so.... go mac work la... gain some experience... hehe... oh well... i think i will get interview by boss!!! scare scare sia!!! coz is boss!!! hmm... i also think i will take injection sia... arghh... scare scare... wa liew.. boss hoh... really.... haiz.. i asked him in maple.. injection pain ma.. he said.. very pain very pain... haha... well.. other ppl tell me not pain.. i scare.. but he say very pain... i not scare... lol... haiz.... new year eye le!!! now is 12am... hehe~ NEW YEAR EVE LIAO!!!! happy new year eve 2006!!!! hehe... new year eve... go interview job.. sia la... so coincident!!! oh well... k la.. tired liao... blog stop here!! nite nite bloggee....

To Deminish Fear, Develop Trust In Your Ability To Handle Anything....

oh dear.... my dream... so terrible... wat terrible is the 1st part... not the 2nd part... kw wat i dream??? xiong appear in my dream... aiyo... wat make me feel really bad is tat... i kanna rejected by him.... aiyo... dun kw why... he become docter... i become nurse... den rejected de reason is... "working time different" what the hell!!! wat kind of dream izzit??? b4 kanna rejected... we inside bus ma!!! the very same place at stanley birthday... on the way home tat bus... den in the bus... i so tired... i hold his hand!! and slp on his shoulder!!! wa liew.... at the end kanna rejected... the whole thing is so.... haiz.... poor me... this make me lost confident in real life... sob sob... a dream only right??? not true right?? some people say... dream is opposite of real life... haha... hmm.. maybe.... lol... maybe??? lol.... i only dare to dream... dun really dare to do in real life... haha.. coz already lost confident liao!!!!!! all becoz of this dream... anyway... people dun really have interest in me rite?? hahaha... guess de...

ruby ruby ruby... must have confident... so many people telling u this... u dun wanna them to get disappointed rite?? but!!! aiyo!!! this kind of thing.... haiz... lalala... change topic!!!! the 2nd part of my dream is.... monster!!! this time... never saw the real face of the monster la... but... in this dream... i macham a dun kw wat sia... have to learn all kind of trick.. this dream... i learning how to fly... but... failed... coz... need a leaf(tat help me fly) den can... den.... teacher... well.. the one teaching us de... he bring us to blk 107... 5th floor... ask us to jump down... coz i haven master the flying skill yet... oh!! "us" coz got one more people... 4got is who le.. but is a guy.. i remember.. he said... 3th floor jump down already can break leg liao.. 5th floor.. sure die... wa liew... this make me damn... scare!!! den teacher keep ask us to jump... arh... uh oh... oh well... i dun remember anyone of us jumping down... only kw got monster attacking yishun!!! den is nite time... den i run run run... to cpcc... den... ask an uncle to help!!! well... dun kw why.. i jump... den jump inside liao... i dun kw i am such a gd jumper.. hehe... ok... go back to the story... tat uncle... bring me inside cpcc... den... he open one door.. ask me go in.. den lock me inside... den i said " uncle... how abt u... where u going to hide??" tat uncle give me a "dun kw face" den run away... oh well... i was locked inside... when i turn back... AH DUI!!! is not a room... macham another world... a door... linked to another place... hmm... a quite beautiful place.. den... i saw a few people inside... coz monster coming... den i shout (but not too loud... scare monster can heard i shout) all gather!!! den i saw my cousin... yiwen... quite surprise to saw her there... well.. after all gather... all the children got an letter.. all link de sia.. coz all abt the same... talking abt.. wat... " i(monster) will attack u..." bla bla bla~ den like i also got the letter... oh well.. den i saw an old lady... den it remind me of my grandma... den me and my cousin.. wondering if she is our grandma... coz.. look a bit like.. den i look look loo... IS MY GRANDMA!!! oh dear... i wanna cry... coz... she like dun kw everybody... den... she recall my cousin... den... we give her a hug!!! oh... i miss my grandma so much... den... the monster come attack liao.. the foot step!! BOMB BOMB BOMB!!! so loud... den i trying to ask everybody to keep quiet... dun let the monster find us... den... the foot step... getting louder... oh dear.. i so scare... den... i woke up~

after all these... i miss my grandma so much... coz my grandma is very old already... i dun kw when... how long can she live.. i dun wish to regret... i dun wanna lose her... she is my dearest grandma ever... she treat me so good... when i small... i got 2 grandma.. now i left one... the grandma use to stay at my hse de... i dun kw izzit me or wat... i dun kw izzit me the one tat coz her to die... when i small... she sitting at her wheelchair.. den i think becoz me careless... i let her fall.. coz i scare i get beaten by my parent... den i run to their room and hide... den in my memory... the next is... end up in the hospital... beside her bed... coz... she going to die... cloth surrounded the bed... me and my parent... and relative.. waiting for the doctor to come out... den... the doctor somehow... saying tat my grandma... is going to die... i kw i am small tat time... but i kw... i kw wat tat face of the doctor mean... my parent left my outside... after tat... my parent ask me to go inside.. beside the bed... i was alone... i saw my grandma... i dun recall wat she said... coz i tat time.. really very small... i dun kw wat i doing... i think grandma somehow asking me to take care of my parent... den.... she gone... right in front of me... i still remember... i dun kw wat happen... i only kw my parent crying... and i kw... she is gone...

i got ask my mother.. am i the one tat coz grandma to die?? she say no... i dun kw is true or not... coz... maybe she dun wanna me to feel bad... dun wanna me to feel guity... coz... my mother wun look inside my eye and tell me... a wrong move.... a playful move... coz my beloved one to gone... dun worth it... i still remember the spot where my grandma fall.... grandma... i love u... please forgive me... i kw i am wrong... i really.... very.... really sorry... i hope my tear can wash away all the guity in me... grandma... i hope u can rest in peace... now.. i am older le... i can take care of papa and mama liao... u dun worry....

dun kw why... suddenly... i not crying... my tear is dry... somehow.. i feel a warm feeling... somehow... somebody help me clean off the tear on my face... grandma... i kw u love me.. i kw... i wun let u down.... may u rest in peace.... this is my father side de grandma...

As for my another grandma(mother side)... she is still alive... i hope tat day wun come... how wish now i can see my grandma... feel like giving her a big big big hug.... in my whole life... i saw her cry once.. tat this year de thing.. on chinese new year.... all becoz of family fight... now... dun even kw where is grandma staying... grandma got 8 children... 4 boy 4 gal.. my mother.. is one of the gal... one guy... my 2nd uncle... pass away... i remember tat time... i ask my mother abt it... she said b4 tat becoz 2nd uncle in jail or wat... den.... hang or something... never met b4... in my whole life... i dun have grandfather... my mother side de... even my mother didn't saw her father b4.... i dun kw le... and my father side de... till my brother got see nia... when i born... my grandfather already go to a far far far place... now... i think... grandma and grandpa is happily together.... i evertytime... go take their photo come out and see... coz.. i wanna see their face... when my grandma alive... i can't recap her look... only when she gone.. den i kw.... oh well... today... i also dun kw wat the hell happen to me... but i only kw... grandma, grandpa, ah gong, ah ma... i love u all... ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

today go celebrate stanley birthday... 28th Dec.. now past 12mid le... haha... so should say ytd... oh well... i have injury.. now... my hand... finger... leg... all injured... here pain there pain... oh well.. hand pain coz... play bowling ma... but this is the day before de la...

hmmm... go seoul garden eat... oh man... eat till... wanna die... haiz... coz.. my gastric really not very gd today.. so.. didn't really enjoy my day... but... wat really... make me so sad is... i am transparent... haiz.... whole group of people.. only sze peh kw i am HERE!!! oh well... all walk away.. never tell me.. left me there.. if i never turn back and see.. well.. i think they wun notice also la... haiz... very very sad lo.... and... when outside comic shop... they walk... also never tell me... me stand another side ma... den... all walk... wa liew.. really wanna cry out le... i think... i really transparent liao.. hahaha... well.. great tat sze peh remember i am ALIVE!!! but... also dun wanna disturb the couple... who is sze peh and wei ren... haha.. well... i stay all the way back lo... tian ar... really feel like finding one hole.. run inside and hide... wun come out... walk here wrong... walk there also wrong... ah dui!!!! wat happen to me!!!!

we go library sia!!! dun believe rite??? we go there read books... coz... 6pm den can go ktv... well.. stanley... yiyi... xue leong.. they all play deck inside sia... hahaha... in the end still let the people scold... oh well... i do find some useful word fm the book... now... den i am not transparent!!! haha... at least xiong find i am exist now...

when in the ktv... oh man!! so cold... i cold till... haha... u wun kw... i think xiong kw bah.. coz.. he become my heater... he so warm..... dun really wanna let go my hand... coz... i very very cold... but.. bo bian... he also very cold... dun really wanna let him cold so much liao... but... i do touch... coz... he let himself become my heater... he tahan the coldness fm me sia... so good.... i walk in and out in and out the room so many times... well... got 2 reason... one.. is toilet!!! another... is go out.. coz.. i dun wan listen some song tat will bring back my bad memory... yesh!!! i control my tear!!! yesh!!! well... when tong hua come.. i really... walk out... all the way out of the ktv centre... alone........ oh well.. i tot somebody might come out.... oh well.. nobody.... haiz.... in ktv... i also feel a bit left out... coz dun really have people talk to me... oh well... wat i can do is sit back.. and keep quiet... drink my water... tat's it... me so quiet... not really becoz i not feeling well... is becoz.. i feel left out... i feel tat no ppl kw i am exist... see xiong sing so happily... with june... xue leong... stanley the birthday boy... summer... and everybody... and wat i can do is sit at there listen... i do sing a little... but dun really have the mood liao.. wahahaha... i think xiong do kw tat i being left out bah... maybe... maybe not... coz... he sure say i think too much... when i day dreaming at a corner... he den found out tat me at there... hahaha... den disturb me a while.. den go back singing... T.T

after ktv... we all go eat eat... well... now xiong talk to me more liao... haha... izzit a gd thing??? yes... i think so... all were playing a fool... xiong and xue leong hold hand!!!! haha... well.. they were just wanna disturb sze peh and wei ren... oh well.. this time... i started to really feel very very unwell.. i ate little thing... never even finish also... haiz... den xiong plate... got so many extra "FOOD"... got bug... and bug de egg... aiyo... listen liao.. also dun really dare to eat... haiz... den left some food loh... after eating... i drank little bit of my teh bing... den... oh dear~ i cannot take it liao~ i rush to the toilet... throw out sia... dun really dare to let them kw... but.. i think they kw i not feeling well... asking me "are u ok"... hmm... quite happy to hear tat... wat i can say is i am ok... i am ok... really ok... we walk to the bus stop after eating... never even finish my drink.. coz.. really cannot take it liao... on the way to the bus stop... now is june turn to throw out... see her throw out.. i also feel like throwing out liao... den i started walk very slow... far behind them... den once reach bus stop... oh dear... i feel terrible... i sit down... and trying to comfort myself... hope tat i wun throw out... stanley see me, ask me how am i... den xiong started to do some.... funny thing bah... is funny... but den... i feel worst... not becoz of him... but.... the feeling is getting worst.. den i throw out a bit...

was quite happy le... coz xiong show me his concern... keep giving me tissue... arghh... sry le!!! bring so much trouble to u all... when in the bus... i sit all the way to the back... wat surprised me is... xiong sit beside me... well... he keep say "is just a sit only... just a sit only"... haiz... i feel so bad... sit with me.. really tat bad ar??? haha... but i kw la... he just wanna make sure i am alright... he asked abt my hand... when in the bus... coz.. when in ktv.. my hand is really very cold... well.. my hand not cold already... but.. still got a bit la.... but.. dun wanna let him kw... hehehe... in the bus... chat chat with him lo... very scary... coz we talk abt... the past... den the way he reacted to the problem... so scary... haha... when out of the bus... my hand become warm liao... also feeling better le... when reached mac.. saw yiyi and boss... yiyi never go ktv.. coz he have to work... 11++ when in mac... we wait for yiyi to knock off... den me, xiong, yiyi and sze peh go home together... yiyi and sze peh go eat eat... den xiong go home... as for me?? coz... not feeling gd... so go home lo... hehe... on the way home is safe... nothing happen... so great... coz if something happen.. i sure no energy fight back... also no time to call for help.. hahahahaha...

To: Xiong,
xiong xiong de xi xin.... guan xin.... really xie xie ni... so touch..... ai si ni le....

if.... if this world.... no people kw my blog.... no people kw me.... no people know my feeling.... i dun kw wat will happen... oh well.. sometime... there will be happy.. and sad... as for me??? how wish sad.. unhappy... is not in my dictionary... how wish i can delete it...

i suddenly got a urge.... to tell tat person i like him sia.... but... in this world.. only 2 person kw who tat "him" is... one is my godbro... another is *** ***... i dun really wanna say their name out... coz... scare people will ask them... den... i am doom... well... *** *** is a gal... i trust her... so... dun break the trust ok???

listen to Yes933... so many people asking... should go and tell another person tat he/she like him/her??? den the DJ said... why not??? even my godbro say so... haiz... from ZL tat time onward... i dun even dare to say "i like you" again... coz i kw tat... i am not a gal tat everybody will like... maybe will like as in fren... but who know~ i thinking... maybe i have the chance... but... days after days... i feel tat chances is getting lesser and lesser... but... dun kw why le... radio... tv... everything... like keep asking me to tell tat person tat i like him... but den... i started to fear.... coz i scare to lose everything... coz... "i like you" these 3 words... can change a person life... or.. 2 person life.. it can bring happiness to both of them... or... terrible to both of them... i scare... i dun dare to take the risk... the risk is too big... Du Zhu Tai Da Le... if... the risk... pass... i think i am the most happy gal in the whole world... but if fail... mean the end.... end of everything... coz... thing will not be the same again... i dun kw should i take a step out... or remain at this path...

Ai He, Love River, i heard so much abt it... in tv... in show... in everything... Ai He Zhong De Shao Nu Shi Zui Piao Liang De... hahaha... well.. is true... but.. me always remain on the side of the river... oh well... dun kw when den can fall in... the picture.. of a lady in the love river... sometime do appear in my mind... haiz...

some people may say... why i so desperate for guy?? well... the answer.. cannot be found... coz.. at my age?? people tend to fall in love... people around me.. all fall in love... except me... coz i dun have ppl wan... or wat??? how hope i am a guy... den wun be in this state... why am i born a gal??? gal so ma fan... have to do this and that... if can.. i hope i can be an angel... bring happiness to everyone... well.. tat will be a great thing right?? haha...

arghh.... why... why everything... song... radio... tv... godbro... all asking me to go for it??? but i wun wish to take the risk la.... haiz.... 4get it... after... after tat day... after tat day den say... coz.. if fail.. i can run away.... as far as possible... the most... everyday stay at home.. dun go out... even go out... also try to avoid places tat "him" will go... haha.. i am like this de person... avoid best... doing lousy... coz i dun have the courage... well.. i think... tat perosn wun kw... "courage" mean so much to me.. coz... everytime.. when i am scare of something... it bring me courage... well... u all maybe dun kw wat the hell i talking abt... but... if u all carefully observe... maybe u all will understand...

dun say i desperate for guy!!!! is... Ke Wang Yi Chang Hong Hong Lei Lei De Ai Qing... haha.. tat is wat i always wanted... oh well.. i think... i kw how to start my story liao... well.. i use to write love story de... starting... is very smooth.. but... i tore it away.. now.. 2nd de.. i also tore away... now... i think.... i kw wat to do le... maybe.. i can wat i wan into a story.... tat will be great rite??? oh well... hope tat person will kw... kw tat i got feeling for him... but... if he is tat clever enough... hope can tell me an answer... i dun wish other to tell me.. please tell me urself... but... i think himself dun kw "him" is who... haha... oh well..


Hao Xiang Shuo "Wo Ai Ni", Ke Shi... Wo Bu Gan Mao Xian...

hmMmM... sze peh ask us all go to mac and play.. haha... ok la... at least this christmas is still quite fun... well... dun have so many people... dun need to squZZZee here and there... haha... me and summer went to northpoint and buy something... well.. at the end.. i left the bag at mac... HAHAHA!!! if summer kw.. i sure get killed by her...

haiz.... wat a day at mac... dun even kw wat to write also... wahaha.... i 3am plus plus den reach home.... haha... i go home with sze peh... hmmm... coz in mid time.... very cold ma... den the window... can draw thing.... me and sze peh den go draw... haha... quite fun....

stanley they all... cleaning the icr cream machine ma... den they give ice cream to everyone... sia la.. i tot small de le... come out... kids coke de size!!! oh dear... how to eat like tat!!!! aiyo.... very paiseh lo!!! xiong pass me the ice cream... den they all.. making sound liao... haiz... nvm!!! as wat xiong said... hack care them... but dun kw how long i still can hack care... hahaha...

hmmm... first time see xiong so late still at mac.... sure get nag de... i think... hahaha... really very paiseh le!!!!! haiz.... they all like tat... haiz... oh well... at least.... at least wat??? haha~ i dun kw wat i writing also... lol... i slp till 3pm plus den wake up sia... hmmm.... now... so gong... haha... i always so gong de ma... lalala...

aiyoyoyoyoyo... christmas is over... i wun have any hope liao~ wahahaha.... now... finally can go back my life... and... living my own life... i already started the 1st step liao~ hmmm... let see wat is the 2nd step.... haha... lalala... sia la.. my brother so noisy... haiz... bua ta han (bth) them... arghhhh.... ok... go play maple liao... hahaha... tata~

hohoho~ merry christmas bloggee... today is the 25 of dec 2005... a..... christmas day.... today.... i go celebrate at mac... well... dun really call a celebration... haha~ just exchange present.. hmmm... not bad la... at least i got a family de feeling....

well.. this christmas... really is a great day for my family... kw why?? coz my papa and bro win 4D... haha.... good tat i got money take... but.... i not going to anyhow spend liao... i gonna save up... haha... hmmm.... i wanna work le... if work mac... xiong and yiyi say not gd.... but den... i thinking... this 3 month got nth to do... work also nothing right??? well... maybe they will say.. u wan work.. work lo... haha~ i wun expect they will ask me work mac de...

hmmm... tat xiong hoh... headache still work... but lucky he getting better... starting i go... he was like... dun kw how to say le... but look very.... bad mood like tat... den heard from stanley tat he sick... den when i turn back to the kitchen and see... sia la.. he really sick... his head was like... very heavy... aiyo... started to worry... but... lucky he ok la... well... at lest he become the happy xiong tat i kw, i think... hmmm... but he was like... so tired... aiyo... i see him like tat... also heartbreak...

yiyi le.. hmm... say before 12am will reach... but den... 1++ den reach.. haha... yiyi hoh~ never see him like this before.. haha... "this" i kw... stanley kw.. yiyi kw... xiong... not sure he kw a not... haha... but he like tat is must more better den the black black face right?? hahahaha... i like yiyi with the smile on... coz... it will give me a peaceful feeling... if his face black black... well... u wun see me talking... coz very scare i talk wrong thing kanna scold... but... still wondering... how to cheer him up when he down le... coz very hard...

hmmm... now left one problem for me... how to give stanley his present... hmmm... tat day go out with xiong they all... main thing is to shop for stanley box... but in the end.. hahahah~ end up.. we shop for ourself.. enjoying ourself... hmmm... now i gonna think all by myself... so how are we going to do??? arghhh... i dun kw~ T.T how how how!!!

hmmm... so man missed call and msg today... haha... well.. later 5 plus going down to mac lo... do wat?? dun kw le... coz xiong they all at there.. den... sze peh asking me down also.. den summer also wanna pass me present.. hmmm... yeah~ i become back myself liao... except less smile at home only.. hahaha... i like the song so much... nice hoh??? haha~ The song title is "Where Are You" well... i also wondering where are you... hehe...

after all these stupid thing i keep thinking.... i found out tat hoh~ i will be become insane if it continue to go on~ i wanna become the happy ruby again~ yeah~ ya~ love is not important in my life... so far.. now wat i wan is a job... den... earn a lot a lot of money... den... if within this time... love come out... well.. maybe i will be very happy den... hahahaha... now.. i dun care abt love... ok??? yeah~ since i have live for 17years without love... i can continue wat... i not tat weak right?? i am strong.. yayaya~ i always say this.. but... still so weak... YESH!! I CAN SEE!!! I CAN SEE MY FURTURE!!!!!! WAHAHAHA~

hmmm.. ytd take neoprint with xiong... sze peh.. and qi feng... wat a terrible mess!!!! the worst neoprint i ever taken.. haha.. but still ok la... st least got 1 picture nice.. i think... but cannot see my eye~ arghh... dun care~ 28th... we will take again... yeah... we saw a big group take sia... maybe we can try?? hahaha... hmmm... i think.. maybe i can try work mac?? coz i dun really need money rite... den i can gain experience.... just like wat ping ping say...

haiz~ cannot tahan my brother liao la... they hoh.. is damn... #!*(^&*#$##@&^@! haiz~ english also dun kw how to read.. anyhow see a few word.. say i got boyfriend... and wanan tell my mama... all this is so... aiyo~ wahaha~ dun care~ if they say... i got other things to say also.. see who will win??? of coz is me... wahahaha~

i scan all the neoprint we took ytd... haha.. qi feng saw tat picture.. he hoh.. WAHAHA!!! keep asking me to change it.. lalala.. i dun wan change... wahahaha... oh well... dun kw wanna go mac now or wat le... hmmm... see lo... hahaha...

haiz~ my mood is so bad~ from small to now... none of my wishes come true~ wat i wan is just somebody that meant for me... but dun kw why... maybe i too wish for a bf le bah~ well... maybe i should learn from the song~ Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo... i think i have to learn to be Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo(living alone).... how wish tml wun come.... coz i dun wan another wish of mine to be gone.... how wish i can fly to the sky~ full of star.... with nobody.... alone... under the sky full of star.... well... tat should be a good thing right??? anyway... if tml... really no ppl appear... i think i go be nun... haha.. just kidding.. dun worth it right??? i like somebody.... but... tat somebody... after i think so carefully... i think... haiz... tat somebody dun like me bah... well.. maybe like as in sister... after christmas.... well.. just give me one more day... one more day to like him... after tat... i wun dare anymore... i kw this is all the punishment i get of loving someone tat cannot bring me happiness... just one last day... after 12midnite on christmas day... i will give up... coz i kw love cannot be force... well.. wat for writing all here??? do u kw why bloggee??? coz i dun dare to say... after so many time of failure... i scare liao... why should i say??? never say... still can be close... i scare tat if i say... not even close anymore... at least.. i can write watever i wan here... even if he saw it.. he wun kw is he anyway... wat if he kw is he??? nth will happen de la...

sometime i thinking... why god is so unfair to me??? why everyone can have a partner... living happily... and me?? alone... izzit my sin?? or wat?? or i meant to be like this 4ever?? oh dear~ i thinking negative liao~ how!!!!! i hope i just can slp... den cannot wake up... den i wun suffer... die also die untill so peaceful!!! aiyo!! wat the hell are u thinking ar ruby??? u got ppl wan de ok~ only.. haven appear... only.... i think... wat a answer~ tat person may appear.. tml?? 1 week later?? 1month later?? 1 year later?? or 10years later??? nobody will kw.. i only kw tat... i like tat person... but i dun dare to tell... coz i scare... i will lose something... god make me cannot fall in love.. coz once i fall in love.. i will need to pay something... the previous time... becoz i told tat person i like him... i lost a fren... one time is enough~ i dun wan the other time... one time is painful enough... i dun wish to pay anything... tat why i choose not to say out... i told myself.. somebody will like u de.. only time haven come... u will get a guy much more better den everybody... and u will be the most happy gal in the world.. becoz of this... i pay a lot... so wat should i do??? let nature take its course?? ya rite... how long will it take?? maybe a few more years??? by tat time.. i think.. i will be very very tired...

what i always wan.. is just a simple life.. but... people around me.. keep making it more complicated... i dun kw why le... u kw wat bloggee??? whenever i talk to u... i will use all my emotion... all the emotion will just out of control... well.. after i think abt the past... i felt tat.. most of the time... the emotion very strong de... is crying... aiyo~ why am i so a cry baby??? i really cannot control... tian ar!!!! why like this??? when i small... how matter how.. i wun cry because of small thing.. but now le... small small small thing.. i cry liao... oh dear~ wat to do!!!! arghhhh....

oh well... people read my blog.. may think tat i am really crazy liao... hoh??? correct??? tag my blog and tell me bah... let me see.. xiong might probebly say.... "u think too much"... well.. he love saying this... and everytime he say this... oh well... i kw it is true... i very scare of his "you dun think too much".... really... very scare... today i receieved his christmas gift... well.. i should be VERY VERY HAPPY!!! but... dun kw why... full of sadness.. i started to feel sad... when in the bus... i think i am really...... haiz... why i so sad??? i dun kw le... how wish i can just write everything out.... so tat i can feel so much better... but... i just wish to keep it deep in my heart... and lock it... xiong gave me a cup... well.. is so nice... i think it should be very expensive... among so many present he brought... izzit mine tat is the most expensive de?? i dun kw le... ask him how much he also dun wanna say... but.. if i not wrong.. i do heard him say.. quite expensive... i should be happy rite??? he said tat time tat he wun buy de... at Causeway Point also say dun wanna buy for gals... coz he said.. guys... buy for my best fren... ben.. stanley.. yiyi... and gals... dun have.... well... was very sad tat time... but... dun really wanna show tat out in front of them... but was quite happy tat sze peh was there to accompany me... at least... i wun feel lost... but... when in bus.. xiong said "actually i dun wanna give u first de... but... my bag very big... so i give u first..." wow.. i should be supprise right??? but i dun have the feeling.... coz... starting... he said he give all his best fren... den i remembered tat... his frenster... wrote me as his best fren... well.. den say no gals de best fren... den now give me tat present... how i feel??? well.. maybe he is thinking tat.. since i am there... he cannot say out ma... well.. but he dun kw tat it hurt me.. haiz~ if xiong saw this post... i bet he going to scold me again... "wtf... buy present give u... u like tat..." haha~ i think maybe he will say this... he ytd say... wun bully me... well... at least today he treat me not bad... but already use to it liao le... he never bully... i feel uneasy... well.. xiong.. if u see this post.. i hope u can continue bully me... if dun bully.. i feel very uneasy... but this post so long... think u also wun go see bah~ correct??? haha~ alright.... enough of it liao~ no people will care to take a look at it also right?? well.. i should have keep the web to myself.. den i can write whatever i wan... no ppl will kw~ haha~

Wo Xiang Wo Ke Yi Xi Guan Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo... Love Is Only A Dream That Wun Come True...

why got xiong this kind of people!!!! bully ppl... haiz~ dun worth it listening his apologise.... a apologise only... say ppl xiao qi.... suan le.... xiao qi qiu xiao qi... if i xiao qi... i would just run away when in mac... hardly got ppl like this make a fool out of me... oh dear~ why am i crying??? WHY!!! he bully me!!! and i cry?? hahaha~ wat a fool~ i feel so terrible... why i cry over it??? why am i so stupid??? WHY!!! why i cry over all this stupid thing??

i like that still let ppl say xiao qi??? nvm~ i xiao qi~ i ba dao.. i bad... i naughty... i am the worst gal in the world~ like this u happy liao hoh?? i dun kw why i still stay at mac just now... i should just walk away... Wo Wei She Men Yao Zhe Yang.... stupid xiong!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID U!!!!! STUPID!!!!

i didn't even angry... he like tat bully me... i never angry.. but... wat i wan.. is just a apology... tat all.... and wat i get is just a word... "XIAO QI"....

i am thinking.... why am i crying??? why should i cry??? people like this treat u... why u cry??? ARGHHH!!!! si xiong.... U BIG BULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIG BULLY!!!!! BIG BULLY!!!!!!!

aiyoyoyoyo!!!! so paiseh sia~ my face damn red today!!! aiyo~ they so bad sia!!! haha~ if u catch my blog~ maybe u will kw~ hmmmm~ finally~ all the present for manager... all settle liao~ now left 4 more~ sze peh, wei ren, xiao ming and xue leong.... hmmm... wondering wat to buy for them le... xiao ming like the chocolate i like~ hmm... think i will buy tat for him.. and the rest le... buy wat??? maybe have to go see see~

haiz~ today mood starting very bad~ but~ when in mac~ i become more happy... kw why i feel sad??? becoz... my parent fight~ haiz~ they hardly fight de... but... everytime fight.. it will be a big one... well.. tat time.. they fight... i so scare... coz they might be getting a divorce... all because my mother talk to one guy... my father ar!!!! why u like to chi chu so much??? u talk to gal can la~ my mother talk to guy cannot... now... they fight becoz of this again... tat time.. they fight.. i was so scare... i cry almost everyday... this time.... i dun kw what to do liao... i in a totally mess... i dun wish to stay at home also... just now stay at mac... coz dun wish to come home.. but den.. haiz~ no choice~ still have to come home... cannot keep staying outside right???

well.. very angry!!! coz tat stupid xiong... use the dun kw wat.... wipe window de solution... kanna my mouth!! INSIDE MY MOUTH!!! wa liew.. so angry... after tat le?? give me water.. i tot he so good... give me water... den le?? he give me SODA!! i hate tat drink most de... den wa liew.. he still at there laugh... i dun believe he did tat to me!!! haiz~ heartbroken liao~ he so bad!!!! my tear almost drop out!!!!! lucky i wipe out before he see it... but i xiaoming saw it... haha~ i think he was thinking that.. aiyo!! why ruby so easy cry de~ haha~ well.. i am a cry baby~ no choice~ plus!! tat person bully me de is xiong!!!! haiz~ the more sad i am~

hmmm~ long itme never update my blog liao wor~ hahaha~ oh dear~ i caught a flu liao~ should be ytd bah~ hehe~ ytd go supper~ den got rain~ maybe.... becoz the rian~ i kanna flu bah~ ahhh chhuuuu~ aiyo!!!!

so long never write my blog liao le~ kw why?? coz i playing maple ma~ den lazy to come update my blog~ haiz~ hmmmm..... pretty sian nowaday~ i wanna work le~ so many ppl ask me go work..... den.... tat day... after hearing wat summer say... i got a feeling wanna go work mac le~ but den... i still scare scare~ how ar? ask ppl for opinion... also no diff... in the end.. they ask me to think... most of them will just say "if u wan go work... dun wan... den dun work lo..." haiz~ why got this kind of stupid answer de???

tat day~ go supper with ping ping... yiyi... his sister sze peh... and xiao ming~ lucky xiong never go~ coz they planning some... haiz.... just lucky xiong never go... if not i sure kanna sabo like hell... den ytd.... also got go supper~ ytd got yiyi... sze peh... wei ren... xue leong and ping ping... hehe~ this time... their plan... change to next target... change to sze peh and wei ren wor... haha...

hmmm... wat a lovely couple.... when den i will have my own?? haha~ stop dreaming la u~ 4 more days wor~ den is christmas~ i wonder sky will drop down one for me a not le... i see other ppl... all like very easy sia~ den me le?? only dare to dream... hahaha... wat a fool...

a few days back... i heard from somebody tat i kanna backstab wor~ haiz~ i was so sad... i ask xiong... am i really "useful"?? well.. he said tat he dun find me useful at all... oh well... dun kw is good or bad... anyway... at least i kw tat he wun use me... since i not useful~ but den... he said... why i so care abt wat people say?? well... i dun kw how to say le... but... wat ppl say... i take it seriously de... no matter is gd or bad... once one people say something... it will be in my mind for a few day... xiong said tat i have my own life.. but den... xiong... i not like u... i not tat strong... now den i kw tat i am tat weak... weak till... it can break anytime... i kw i am weak la!!! so dun hurt me!!! coz i dun kw how many more problem i still can take... but i only kw tat now... i must learn to be strong... have my own life... dun live under people... have my own opinion~ and somebody to support me... and i hope... 4days later... tat person will appear...

aiyo~ xiong word flash across my mind "let nature take its course...." aiyo~ if 4 days later dun have.... den.... let nature take its course lo~ haha~ i think.. i started to become insane liao le~ but den... i really insane already... i macham cannot live without guys seh~ keep wanting to have bf... ruby!!!!!!!!!! u siao liao izzit?? come back to real life la u~ YAYAYA!! I AM BACK!!! i will be back.... after 4 days?? please... let me just have a little more hope... just 4 more days... after tat.. i wun think abt it anymore... really!!! 4 days... long also not long~ short also not short... if i keep thinking... it will be very long... if i never go think... it will be very fast... time.... is in ur control...

hmmmm.... suddenly... something flash across my mind again!!! yiyi de flower haven give me!!! haiz~ dun kw when den will have... hehe~ dun kw who will be the first guy to give me a flower... a real flower... if is fake... yiyi is the first.. but i more into real de... but den... i do like yiyi de flwoer... coz he do it himself de... so sweet of him... oh well... no matter wat happen.. yiyi will always be there for me... but... is just tat... he very fierce.... hehe~ very scare of him le!!! ytd.. his face black black.. den i dun dare talk to him seh!!! but.... after his tat "BOMB" oh well.. i think he is back... maybe he see the fear in me??? haha~ rubbish... he love scary me sia!!! i do saw him coming.... but dun kw why... i still get scare~ T.T yiyi is such a bad boy!!! love to scare me so much... but as long as i can see a smile on his face... i am happy liao... coz he happy... i wun scare of him... arbo he become devil... i dun kw where to flee....

i think i have a new goal liao le~ "Make Eveyone Happy... I Also Happy" hehe~ i hope everyone around me is happy.. i will do anything to make them happy... but... must be able to do de la.. if cannot do de.... i try other way... hehe... "Way, Is Ownself Think De... Not Others Give You De" hehehe~ true rite?? other ppl give me~ may not be the best way... but... ownself give de.. at least u give it a try... is much more better...

"N" Level Result come out liao le~ so happy tat both of my godbro passed!!! wahaha~ but den... a lot of ppl failed also~ failed de... nvm... continue to put more effort... wahahahaha

suddenly, i feel tat~ almost all the christmas wish~ birthday wish~ didn't come true at all.. haiz~ me this kind of person~ where got people will like??? how i kw when den will come true~ wat i wish for is just a simple one~ haiz~ a bf?? haven even appear in my dictionary~ when den will update my dictionary??? wat i wish for.. is just a bf tat can pei wo gong du a white christmas~ aiya~ ruby ar ruby.. this kind of thing wun happen de la... dun need to think abt it.. u will never update~ u scare of relationship remember??? haiz~ wat the hell~ why can't my mind be positive... guy only wat... ruby.. dun tell me u cannot live without a guy?? aiyo!!! why i keep hearing 2 voices in my mind~ maybe this is the devil and angel... haha~ well.. maybe not... who know~ this kind of thing.. only appear in cartoon right??? it wun appear in my life..

christmas... i love this day most... all those christmas carol... all those exchange of present... wat a wonderful day... but everyday christmas... alone... alone as in life bah... even i with my friend... also like tat... some feeling... friend cannot give de...

wooah!!! i trip!!! lucky never fall.. well.. i wanna take a look at the window see wheather izzit raining... den i trip over the telephone line... haiz~ wat the hell am i doing???

just now... went nite market with xiong... yiyi... and si pei... well.. didn't really enjoy... coz not really happy... haiz... sad sad~ why my luck so bad de?? always go play the stupid machine!!! one bear bear also never get!!! wa liew~ wasted so much money today~ me and si pei wasted abt $15 bah~ wasted on 43 sweets... haiz~ sad sad~

this year christmas~ buy chocolate for everyone~ yiyi, xiong and qiu ping confirm must have de... hehe... but... dun kw buy which kind le... tat time go causeway shop.. a lot seh~ all look so nice to eat... northpoint de le.. haiz.. no hope sia.. wondering wat qiu ping buy for me.. hehe.. she kw tat i buying her choclate.. well.. everybody kw i buying chocolate... haha..

NATURE TAKE IT COURSE!!!! I PUI PUI PUI!!!! sky drop down one more fast!!!!

hmmm~ let me see see... just found out tat hoh~ really a bit coincident... just now went to Ryan blog~ den saw his birthday~ 8/12 (8 Dec)... den hoh~ the number~ same with my birthday seh~ mine is 12/8 (12, Aug)... haha~ jut twist the number~ den is my birthday~ ryan got a dog wor~ his name is called magic~ hmm~ very cute doggiee le!!! how wish i can have a dog~ but... dog... i dun kw got time to take care ma~ but~ one good thing is tat hoh... can call my dog to bite my brother when they bully me!!! hahaha!!! i very naughty hoh???

hmmm.. just recalled... 29 dec.... huiling, my neighbour, wanna treat me go eat steamboat... haha.. with sharon also.. the 3 of us.. we all neighbour.. sharon just now went supper with me at 110 coffee shop... well.. late nite.. dun really have anything to eat... but very good... coz... so late... no ppl will wanna go supper with me.. but her... coz~ she also hungry!!! haha~ she will just stay over at my hse till 3++ den go home~ not afternoon wor~ is morning~ haha~ just now after supper~ she gone home already~ hmm.. dun like will fat ma le~ ppl say supper eat liao will fat very easily!!! well.. think have to go gym liao~ but den... gym also no use for me la~ hahaha~

bloggee~ today, well... as i already said in the previous post.. i gone out with huiling... haha.. she hoh~ when i born~ a little baby... see me till now.. so big le~ when i was young, she dote me a lot de... and i also always paly with her younger brother~ haha~ well now... keep saying i very tall.. sob sob~ i also dun wanna grow tall de ma~ hmm... she hoh!!! keep treating me seh~ aiyo~ den i say her~ dun always anyhow waste money~ haha~ but she said tat she got her bonus~ so she treating me~ haha~ she said after today... she gonna JIAN FEI!!! hmmm~ let see she can endure till when...

one day past~ another day past~ i wanna find a job le!!! everyday stay home~ got wat use??? i keep stay at home~ i will gone insane!!! now time is 5.52am, 11 dec 2005, the bird is singing outside~ well.. maybe not singing~ very noisy~ tat sound.. when i Pri Sch... i keep heard it... and when i Sec Sch... also heard it.. the sound can only heard early in the morning~ 6++~ well.. the bird is early today~

wha~ my brother wake up le~ well.. my dad already gone for work long ago.. ow is my brother turn~ after tat~ is my mum turn~ den me le?? will be sleeping!!! haha~ die le me!! now~ afternoon i feel very sleepy.. at nite feel so energetic... how ar!!! die die die!!!

just now played maple... level 18!!! yesh!!! haha~ but after i lag out... i dun wan play liao~ stupid game!!! lol~ bloggee ar~ u kw wat?? i keep thinking~ how to change u... till very very nice~ after i add a few more things down.. hmm.. u look more better liao le~ now... dun kw how~ wat else can i add?? but~ i wanna change the song liao wor!! change to a song!! make ppl very energetic de~ something like ryan blog de song~ haha~ make ppl feel so energy!!!!!! haiz~ oh dear~ i am hungry!!! oh well~ later in the afternoon sok mui coming over to my hse and use my computer~ haha~ she said she 1pm wanna blast my phone!!! but~ when i slp.. i put my hp slient mode de~ so~ no use~ even she called my hse also no use~ coz my room phone~ already TAKE OUT!! wahaha!!! let see wat time i wake up~ sure very late de loh~ haha~ let her slowly wait bah~ :x

i saw newspaper tat day... ahaha!!! abt a monk trick ppl money~ xiong got kanna this monk le!!! and is the same thing... wat the newspaper said~ all the same.. haha~ lucky he paid $5 nia~ well.. the others le... more jialat... $50 ar~ $100 ar~ xiong hot like siao!!! haha~ he said tat if saw tat monk again!! he gonna beat him up!! lol!!! hope he wun get killed b4 hitting the monk~ scarcely the monk is fighting monk~ den... uh oh~ haha... he hoh~ kw tat monk is fake de~ still let the monk trick~ really never see ppl like him sia~ but if me~ i give $2~ den if he wan more~ i say... wait.. den called police~ wahaha~ let police give him~ hmm~ good idea hoh???

yawn~ not tired seh~ oh well~ my mum said tat my eye~ very swollen~ maybe not enough sleep or wat bah~ k la~ bloggee~ i go orh orh liao~ arbo later not pretty liao~ hehe~ nite nite~ ermm.. should say morning~ now 6.04 liao wor~ haha~ tata~

You Don't Need To Say You Are Good.. People Will Know You Are Good.. They Will Say It For You..

haiz~ today... xiong cut his finger~ aiyo~ make me so worry~ dun kw wat he thinking also~ confirm is never concentrate!! tat why cut his finger!!! sure is never have enough sleep!!! play more maple la!!! see!!! cut hand again!!! haiz~ ask him let me see how the cute... he dun wan... haiz...

ytd~ huiling called me... 10++ ask me go eat supper... den i tell her.. 10++ only.. so early supper?? wan.. alao 2++3++ ma~ haha~ she shock seh~ we went to market eat... well.. after tat... she wanna eat again.. den we go mac.. hehe.. xiong working.. yiyi also there.. haha... huiling hoh!!!!! aiyo!!! eat a lot seh!!! but in the end... cannot tahan the food.. ask me eat!! oh man... keep telling me.. africa kids nothing to eat u kw?? so u must eat.. den i tell her.. u kw~ still say.. eat urself... haha~ but in the end.. i lose to her..

huiling.. is my neighbour... haha.. well.. coz we both same name... the block ppl all give me nickname.. she.. call da huiling.. i call xiao huiling.. very simple.. coz i younger den her.. haha... later she bringing me out... go causeway point eat.. haha...

ytd... i call xiong pei wo go night market.. but he so tired.... haha~ den never go... me and yang ching also never go... haiz.. long time never go night market liao~ he told me tat today den go night market.. but dun kw real a not.. haiz.. nvm la~ he got work later... if ask him go.. he sure wore out...

oh well.. i go bath wor bloggee... later have to go chong pang buy my contact lenses solution... hehe~ oh well.. tata~ take care~

haha~ so..... surpised!!! Derrick Ho Wei Jian... jsut next door in the chalet... hahaha... hmmm... indeed different.. lol~ kw a lot of fren wor~ hmmm.. lew me see.. know new fren such as.. steven, ryan, sam, wei ming bro, derick, cherry.. and victor.. well kw victor long time ago when at zhili birthday tat day... victor hoh!!! very gd at para para seh~ tat time he got play.. i see liao.. wa liew.. so pro... like wei ming fren hoh~ all very pro at music game...

hmm... haiz.. keep kanna cheat!!!! by derick... he is a magician... well.. wei ming... and his bro... also magician.. haha... haiz... well.. i do kw some trick how to do.. but... i dun kw how to do it myself.. haha.. haiz... i keep kanna cheat seh!!! all those trick.. make me so.... hahahahha... so nice to see... card ar... etc... all they kw how to do... even card out fm his mouth!!!! also got!!!! tat i really shock!!!! steven also kw a few trick... haha.. but... also failed some.. haha.. hmmm... ok la... his character very good... he 19 years old... hmmm... studying in ITE... i think so... he hoh~ look like lin jun jie also le!!! dun really look like his age also.. more like my age... haha...

and for sam... he is 20 years old... well.. if dun have him.. we wun have food for bbq~ haha~ he cook de ma!!! his damn love DDR!!! when play PS2 at chalet... DDR i lose him seh!! bo bian~ i too long never play... den... really blur~ coz i 4got to bring my contact lenses box there.. den wear contact lenses too long.. when stare too long... eye feel very uncomfortable... den... plus the tv so high!!! more hard to play.... neck macham wanna break... haha... we play thru out the nite... play till i seh seh... i fall a sleep outside the living room... they all learning DDR move... den... i slp on the floor ma... with my bro james in front of me.. bo bian... coz their will come anytime... so.. i ask my bro... sit in front of me.. protect ma... den i fall a sleep for a while... EARTHQUAKE~ but.. i still take a small rest.. of 30min~ see~ i so poor thing~ everybody in the room sleepying... me gal.. outside... haiz... sad thing...

me wanna eat chocolate!!! so... i ask james bro pei wo go buy~ den... ter ter.. yong quan.. and zhili come along... wahahaha.. feel so honour... with 4 guy pei wo buy one chocolate~ haha~ the path of road.. damn dark seh... haiz... expecially the park tat part... mid le.. dark like hell... i bought a BIG CHOCOLATE BACK!!! and a justea~ haha~ well... ryan... birthday also... well.. chalet is wei ming open de.. coz he bithday today... den... ryan birthday ytd.. haha... he hoh... so cute seh... damn funny.. coz.. when play game.. he keep lose to james bro... wahaha!!! continuous lose 10 rounds in a go... den the 11th round.. i play!!! haha~ he win one i win one.. den the 3rd match... james bro play.. haha~ we won~ ryan eat my chocolate also.. coz he keep losing.. den he eat my chocolate liao.. he win.. but.. in the end.. still lose... hahaha... ryan so funny!!! dun really look like 19... hahahahahaha...

and!!! do u all remember the banana man?? at Singapore Idol?? HE ALSO AT THE CHALET!!! i dun believe it!!! *ring ring ring ring banana phone* haha~ he got bring the mask there also... he wore tat mask.. and take photo with wei ming... ryan... so and so... wahaha.. i laugh like hell man!!! damn funny!!! i dun believe it!!!! saw so many weird ppl in a day~

when on the way going chalet.. in MRT!!! guess wat i saw?? remember gatsby adv??? the hair broom de~ i saw 2 ppl with tat hairstyle... wahaha.. with botak hair.. den left center nia... SO FUNNY!!!! haha.. meet so many special ppl today seh!!! enjoy myself a lot~

having so much fun at chalet... but.. one sad thing... xiong de hamster die.. haiz~ make me so sad.. when i reach home... saw my hamster.. somehow my hamster kw... i dun kw le.. feel so sad... a bit zi bi at chalet also... gastric problem also come... haiz... why!!!! why xiong hamster die!!! haiz~ sad~ xiong ham ham... hope u RIP~ i really very sad for u... T.T

bloggee... wo hao bu kai xin wor... dun kw wat happen~ dun kw why my mood is affected... whole day... like huo si ren... no energy... haiz... whole day stay at home.. nothing to do... sob sob~ haiz... everything keep inside my heart really very hard... haiz~ watever~ happy or sad.. i myself suffer... no matter wat thing happen.. i myself suffer... i very scare... dun kw how to handle thing... i scare i make the wrong move.. and that the end.... i dun wan lost anything... or any person... today.. i thinking whole day... if someday... my kin pass away... (touch wood) how am i going to handle it?? how am i going to live?? in my daydream... i saw my dad pass away... oh man.. i really cry out... even thinking can coz me so much of tear... i dun kw.. if someday... (touch wood) really happen.. well.. one day.. it will happen... if tat day really come, how am i going to survive??? it is very hard.... i dun wish tat day will come.. TOUCH ALL THE WOOD I CAN FIND!!!

i dun wan that feeling... the feeling.... of lost.... lost of everything... coz every move i make... will coz me to change... haiz... oh man... why i have to suffer so much??? i am not strong enough... haiz... my emotion... very weak... how to make my emotion strong??? haiz.. i am weak... why i keep bluffing myself??? i kw i am weak... why i keep bluffing myself tat i am strong... i really a bit.... crazy liao... tian ar... will i get depression??? i think.. i am in depression already... haiz~ wat should i do??? if i really dun faster learn to be independent... i dun kw wat will happen to me.. why must i live under ppl??? why i cannot live without ppl... i cannot over rely on ppl.. or else.. i am dead... me myself.. i kw i over rely on yiyi and xiong.. i kw i bring a lot of trouble to them... i kw it myself.. but... i raelly dun kw wat to do.. i kw tat i am just a baby... i kw i cannot grow up... i kw tat i cannot continue like this... coz i will keep bringing trouble... i raelly dun wanna bring trouble to yiyi and xiong... coz.. i dun wan them to feel fan gan... now... i already got a feeling tat they feel fan gan... haiz... but.. they probebly will just say u think too much... but i kw wat i am doing.. and i know that... i will think a lot... well.. i maybe will get scolded coz i keep thinking a lot.. why can't i think simple?? this prove tat my emotion is weak...

eric told me before.. if somebody ask for a relationship.. why dun i say yes??? why dun give it a try?? take it as a experience?? u kw wat i thinking bloggee??? i dun wan a relationship that is so in secure... i dun wan an "anyhow" relationship... u kw why i still remain single??? becoz i wanan find one guy.. tat is suitable for me.. and i wan my first one... be the one i wun 4get... but... shuo chuan le... is i fear... i fear of relationship.. coz... i will anyhow think...

oh pls.................. tell me wat to do....... i going insane... u all probebly will just say.. dun think too much can already... but... how can u all ask a person tat always anyhow think not to think too much?? jsut like asking a person tat only kw how to do farming to go high-tech place and work stright away... is very hard!!! i need some ppl to guide me step by step... but... i so ma fan.. so ma fan.. who will willing to guide me?? if really got his kind of person... i dare to let tat person be my first one... haiz... why am i thinking rubbish??? oh~ tell me.... how~

hmmmm.... enjoy so much today... haha.. yijie treat me eat sakae sushi.... aiyo... tio force to eat seh... but... i feel.. i eat little bit nia le.. hahaha... but... still manage to eat 8 plate... and a miso soup.. haha.. know a new fren today... yijie fren.. haha...

damn funny lo.. when meet yijie hoh... he back face me... after i cfm is him hoh.. i call him.. he never heard... den i stand behind him... he no respond... den he walk infront... i see liao.. aiyo... stand by the wall... wait for him to turn back... WAHAHA!!! laugh till i.... WAHAHAH!!!!

but.. today also... haiz... 4got charge phone... almost fall down fm escalatorSSSS... knock onto ppl... step on ppl shoes... bla bla bla... aiyo~ wat happen seh.... den hoh.. i still lost my way... all becoz i wanna take the last train.... yijie and his fren continue sing K-box... den i go first... hahaha... i bet they will sing till 3am... haiz... last train... 11.49pm... i sing the last song.. den i go.. abt 11.30pm bah.. den hoh!! shopping mall close liao.. den gate close.. i dun kw how to get how the shopping mall seh... haiz.. mean.. I AM LOST!!! den i anyhow find one gate... see gate i run out liao... lol!!! den.. run uphill... downhill... upstair... downstair... up escalator... down escalator... haiz.. run till.. i wan die.. den see the time.. RUNNING OUT!! OMG!! will i miss the train??? den i keep run run run~ macham running 2.4km... phew... i reach mrt just in time... 11.48pm... but den... very giddy... like wanna faint like tat... in order to keep me awake... i msg xiong lo.. haiz.. but his reply hoh.. see liao.. more wanna faint... i sure will walk pass Mac de ma... den ask me dun go... wat the different??? saw him wear whole body black... aiyo.. but... he never saw me la.. if saw me.. i sure get scold by him... coz he said dun go find him... oh well.. coz i keep running... never drink anything.. so i go Shop N Save buy drink~ oh... den i walk hoh.. like drunk like tat.. so tired... run whole day... den walk all the way fm mrt station to chong pang... haiz.. who wun die??? and!!! keep kanna a lot of cockroach!!! haiz.... walk a few step got one... walk a few step got 2... if dun kw de ppl.. will tot i siao one.. jump here and there... haiz~

ZL pm me... well.. we were chatting... but... he ask me one question.. i dun wish to answer him... he ask me got stead ma.. haiz... after so many thing happen... how i dare to answer him this type of question??? even if i answer... i will have a fear... but... i will say yes to him... coz... at least... wun have the fear... even i dun have... but i have no choice.. i have to lie... i hate lie.. but... i got no way to go... well.. i still chose not to answer this question... and... gd tat he didn't force me... he good... coz he dun force ppl... but... i no longer got interest in him... coz... all becoz of him.. i hurt a lot.. so.. i wun go back the road... i will have my own road... but... we still fren.. hehe... oh well.. stupid ZL... showing off his hair... haiz...

i started to feel my hair colour started to fade.. aiyo!!! haiz... but.. dun care liao... hmm... see xiao michael.. so happy playing with the weel.. i also quite happy... haha... xiao michael is my pet hamster.. hehe.. was washing his cage just now.. aiyo!!! he hoh.. now so fat liao.. hmmm.. is time.. JIAN FEI!!! hahahaha.. but.. dun bear to see him not eating also.. haiz...

Independent 1st mission~ YESH!!! mission accomplish....

Don't Ask What The Country Can Do For You... Ask What You Can Do For The Country...

wow~ yeah~ later yijie treating me go eat sakae sushi... wahaha!!! so excited!!! hmm... meeting him 6.15pm at funan... aiyo.. a bit scare scare... coz.. i go alone... haiz.. very papa... haiz.. let me see... 4pm go bath.... after tat.... dry my hair.. well.. will be very long le... but.. 5.20pm i must go out liao.. hahaha...

hmmm... happy~ yeah~ hahahaha~

bloggee... i think... wo xiang tong le... now.. i just have to continue live my way of life... my own living... i need to have my ownself back... i must be independent... i cannot keep yi lai bie ren... wat i gonna do... perhap is just plan wat i going to do bah...

" i wan to have a fairyland.. where the word unhappy is not in the dictionary..." well.. my blog de.. hehe... maybe... i can set this as my new goal?? if i dun have a goal.. i wun kw wat to do next.. so now.. my goal will be... keep happy everyday... wun anyhow angry for nth... wun cry for nth... and... try to be independent more... hmm... so far... so good... i hope i can reach my goal...

but den... the feeling is not back yet... 4 month ago... i tot well... the feeling lost liao... will come back any time... but.. 4 month later.. it dun seem like working.. i think i have to search for it... if not.. i will have to live.. without the feeling... hahahahhahahahahhaha...

hmmmm... wo yao zhan da!!!! hahahaha... yesh.. tml is the sakae sushi day!!!! yijie gonna treat me go eat... hurray!!! wahahahaha.... so excited... tml.. will be the 1st day i be independent... hahahaha... jia you jia you jia you... hmmm... he ask my to eat a lot... but... will i eat a lot???? hahaha... arbo later waste money... lol!!!! hahahaha...

Media - The Window To The World Can Be Covered By A Newspaper...

haiz... feel so sad... keep wanna write something... but... dun kw wat to write... dun kw why le... yiyi and xiong... today whole day ignore me... haiz... dun kw why i feel so sad... but... i dun kw i should write this post or not... coz... i think they will see this... bloggee... i started wanna keep things to myself liao.. i started become the old me... the me after i being hurt... tat stupid me... i dun kw why... i hope tat i can just have a big sick.. den leave this world... coz... i haven found the feeling back yet... the feeling... lost for abt 4month... all because somebody coz it to gone... i really blank... totally blank... everything seem like in black and white.. no colour.. no feeling.. no life.. suddenly feel like going cycle in the middle of the nite... but... in this hour... most probably will get caught by police and end up in police station...

reservoir... reservior suddenly flash across my mind... feel like going reservoir... when i feel down... i always go there... there is the place... that i can sit down... under the sky full of star... feel the wind... and cry my heart out... coz... no ppl will see my tear in the middle of the nite.. wait a minute.... no more crying gal!!!! u said to urself b4.. u must control... well.. i dun feel like crying... but... feel like.... haiz.. i dun kw how to describe the feeling... but i am 100% sure tat i not crying... but... just wanna be alone... sitting beside the reservoir... well.. hardly got ppl kw which reservoir... hmmm... i bring yang ching go there b4... we were like... in the old days... playing a fool... i miss my childhood... coz i can have all the happiness i wan... the reservoir is near Yishun Safra... hmmmm.... tat place... seem to be the place.... i love to go bah... no matter is when.... a hot sunny day... or cold like ice day... when i got the time... and i near tat place.. i will probably buy a drink.. and sit on the grass... and enjoy my day... but.. i prefer nite time... coz i can find the star tat is watching over me... how wish.... how wish i can have a hse... when nite time... u can see all the star... so clear... and near... singapore??? well.. dun think will have tat kind of place... every dark place will have a lampost there... tat's why cannot have a good look at the star... sometime.. when the sky is very clear... the star is so bright shining out of space... i will have the urge to take a look at it.. carefully!!! using a telescrope... haiz.. but my telescope spoil liao... daddy go buy de... not good enough.. how wish... how wish i can buy one telescope meant for looking at the star...

hmmm.... i think i really need to think carefully... things started to flash across my mind... i still thinking... am i thinking too much or wat???? haiz... very messy.... my heart... hope u can reformate... den i wun be so messy.... i dun kw!!!! i feel very... hard now... haiz....

haiz.. xiong!!! why not free on 5th... haiz... now i dun kw call who liao la... haiz... no choice.. who ask u work on tat day... T.T oh.... who can i call??? call this cannot... call that cannot... haiz... go alone also weird... wat to do!!!

sian... sick 3rd day liao wor... now... keep coughing... haiz... dun kw when den will recover... hope b4 monday i can recover... if not... haiz... dun kw how to go sakae sushi liao... T.T

i wonder why... this few day my dream hoh... very real le... macham real life... if never carefully go check hoh... u wun believe tat is a dream... haiz... i dun like to slp... this is one of the reason... dream is not a totally gd thing after all... haiz...

my life starting to fade... starting to have no colour... coz i started to have no laugher in my life... i feel so blank... haiz...

Unity - No Man Is An Island, Entire Of Itself; Every Man Is A Piece Of The Continent...

wow wow.. today sick 2nd day.. hmm... flu getting better... wake up and had my medicine... hmmm.. now... feel so giddy!!!! haiz... my body inside too "hot" liao... have to take some cooling stuff like chrysanthemum tea... haiz... today hoh.. let see.. wat have i done... hmm... early in the morning... sharon called me.. ask me wanna go breakfast with her a not.. but den... should be lunch time bah.. haha.. when i online... hmm... i asked xiong.... abt giving the bursary form... but... haiz... he 4got all abt it.. bo xim seh... but i understand la.. he so tired... slp so less.. abt 2hours 30min nia... no wonder he will 4get... haiz.. today.. he confirm slp a lot.. hehe... but.. i do feel sad la.. coz he 4got all abt it... but... i dun blame him...

after i had breakfast or.. so called lunch... with sharon... she accompany me go mac... sharon is my neighbour.. i see her grow up de... her little brother also... her little brother ar... haha.. when he was a baby, me and sharon keep snatching wanna carry him... but now... see her brother so big liao... hmmm... feel like my own brother seh... i dote her brother a lot...

when at mac... i waited for xiong... haiz.. macham few decade seh... den i call sharon to go home sleep.. coz she got work later on... well... saw daniel there.. BIG BOSS!!!! haha.. he told me abt maple... haiz.. level 82!!! oh man... his MP.. 30,000 plus plus.. 2hour also haven recover half.. i listen liao.. wa liew... big blow seh!!! left the character there... also never die... aiyo!!!! i was like.. WOW!!!! now.. i see my own character.. level 17... haiz... bo wei gong... den i play my hp game... xiong called me.. said he walked out of the house liao.. i also heard lift sound.. well... tat true tat he out liao... but... i waited like century... i tot he lost his way seh... SO LONG!!! i waited till i wanna fall a sleep... i lie on the table.. den suddenly somebody pat my shoulder!! is big boss... he said wan rest.. go home and rest... hehe... i know he was playing with me... den i continue lie there... haiz... den i see the time... for very long.. den i wonder... walk from xiong hse to mac.. no need so long.... den i called him... he said tat he at CPCC liao.. but.. haven reach mac.. oh well... i continue wait... den i see the time... i wonder again.. hmmm... fm CPCC to mac.. abt 1min is enough liao... how come so long still not here yet... i waited like millennium... den finally... he here... and daniel was with him.. den found out that.. he chat with daniel outside... no wonder so long la... den i see daniel smile... very..... aiyo!!!!! haiz... den si pei... also... haiz... like whole mac ppl kw i waiting for xiong like tat... den their face look like saying "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH" haiz... aiyo!!!!!

after giving the bursary form... wow.. i ofund out tat the lady look very familier... chey... was daniel and winson aunty... tat time winson birthday.. she got come... no wonder i feel she so... familier... haha.. after that... we went drink chrysanthemum tea... haha.. coz i dun drink liang cha.. so drink chrysanthemum tea... hmm.. we went to bank after that... den pay bills... den we went to 900++ there look for yiyi... yiyi look so angry seh... dun kw why... see liao scare scare.. we spend dun kw how long at there... den i went to xiong xiong hse.. hehe..

xiong playing with big boss son.. maple... haha.. so funny... he level 20 liao le!!! haiz.. den he lend me his computer play... yeah.. now i level 17... but... boss level 82.... haiz.. sian diao... well... but den... i found out something wor... xiong check my blog everyday~ coz when he check his computer "history" i saw it!!! haha.. my blog de webby... so good... at least somebody see my blog everyday... hmm.. very happy... xiong ar... thx you... haha... wait a minute... oh no... mean... i gonna be careful liao... if i say him bad thing in my blog... den he sure know... aiyo... haha... nvm.. he wun kill me anyway... hmm.. he went working lo... i never on my speaker!! tat why i dun kw who pm me in msn... xiong got pm me.. but i never notice.. coz i was watching vcd... 9.29pm... hmmm.. xiong told me tat he go to work le... when i come back... its already 10pm.. well.. i watch finish the show liao.. also wanna check wheather he gone to work already a not... well... saw tat msg he wrote.. hmmm.. he go le.. i mean.. he go for work... hehe... i dun kw why le.. everytime i come to my computer.. i got a feeling that xiong pm me.. wow.. and really.. he pm me.. haha.. is tat xin ling gan yin??? who knows... maybe is just a coincident... he always say i think too much... maybe.. i think too much?? haha.. dun kw le... hmm.. i wonder.. how he tahan later?? i was at his hse ma... den he got no time to tak a nap.. he work till morning 6am... dun kw he can take it a not... well.. i send a msg over.. haha.. confirm play deck de.. but... think he will be extreme tired... well... wish him good luck... haha...

yawn... was doing housekeeping... with xiao michael hse... xiao michael is my hamster.. lol!!! name it after somebody DE WOR!!! hahahahaha... at xiong hse... saw his ham ham... hmm.. growing bigger and bigger... den i see my ham ham.. wow.. also grow very big liao le... think... cannot give him too many thing to eat liao... if not.. very fat... hahaha... watched finish xiong lend me the vcd le.. oh... so nice to watch... so funny!!! haha... well.. do learn tat.. if love someone have to say it out!!! but me le?? wun have the courage de la... haiz... let see bah...

Teaching - Give A Man A Fish And He Will Eat For A Day... Teach A Man To Fish And He Will Eat For The Rest Of His Life...

haiz~ i sick le... so difficult to slp just now... i cannot breath... i wake up 6++ in the morning to take some medicine... now.. is more easy to sleep... but i think the medicine now... no use liao... coz now is 2pm... haiz... i feel so sick... i caught a flu... i most hate is sick!!! coz sick.. cannot do this.. cannot do that.. cannot even eat this.. cannot eat that... haiz... early in the morning... brother keep disturb me... i sick he still dun wan let me off.. haiz... why like this... sob sob...

AHH CHUUU!!!! oh man... how am i going to live now??? no ppl at home now.. sian... have to take care of myself.. haiz... my flu now hoh... quite bad le... keep sneezing... keep running nose... i hate it when have running nose... coz my nose may just run away... lol...

oh... i really cannot tahan liao la!!!! but i think run out of medicine liao... Sob Sob.. T.T haiz... TIAN AR!!!!!!! BU YAO ZHE YANG DUI WO!!!!!!! i always good le.. why let me sick... haiz.. who ask me this few day keep ton thru out the nite... no wonder sick la.. haiz...

Falling - Our Greatest Glory Is Not In Never Falling, But In Rising Everytime We Fall...