A Future with Hope

 Jeremiah 1:5 says - "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee..." 

Isn't it comforting to know Heavenly Father knew us before all of this? He knew our character, our personality, how we felt. He KNEW us. 

This year has been quite the whirlwind for me. I moved out of my cute apartment back in with my parents to save for a house (something that was quite impossible to do while living in the middle of Dallas). I worked with a boss who was nothing more than a bully. I went on vacation one week to come back and be told I was moving to a different department because of said boss. This was so hard to hear. I felt like I had done something wrong in reporting her behavior. I felt that I was leaving the volunteers, who in the past year I had given my all to, behind and defenseless. I felt cheated that I had to move when absolutely nothing was happening to the bully. 

But, before I went into the meeting where I was told I would be moving, I said a prayer. I had had an eerie feeling following me the past couple of days. I prayed for comfort and that whatever was supposed to happen would happen. 

He knows me. He knew I would have a difficult time with this. He made sure I was moved after a wonderful, relaxing vacation up to Washington and not on a super stressful day at work. He made sure I was comforted before the meeting. Then, he gave me time to work through my confusion. He waited for me to reach back out to Him. When I did (it took me much longer than it should have), He was there to show me why I needed to be where I was. 

I am now in the Special Events department. I plan and coordinate events, I work with community groups coming in for events as well as coming in for patient visits, I work with Child Life, I work with the volunteers who sign up for events, and I manage the Gift Shop. 

All of my experience over the years has come to this moment. I am able to reach out to my contacts, I am able to bring new contacts in or re-connect with others I had worked with in the past. I can use my Child Life knowledge in planning appropriate activities and events without stepping on toes. I still get to interact with my volunteers and be there for them just in a different setting. 

I never imagined... a Political Science major would turn to Family Life major (Social Work) while working with leadership groups on campus planning events would turn to Child Life would turn to Volunteer Management would turn to this. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know the plans I have for you, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope."

Each and every day my new director tells me I am meant to be here. I have different skills than the others. I have different knowledge (even of this hospital that I am still fairly new to). She tells me how much they needed me. She tells me what a great fit I am. It is so odd to hear after the past year that I have had where nothing I did was right and I was clearly not wanted or approved of. 

I am so thankful that I have such a loving Father in Heaven to watch out for me. To make plans for me (even though sometimes I fight them or don't understand them at first). I am thankful He is there for my welfare and never to do me harm. I am thankful He is there to give me a future with HOPE. 

Fingerprints

I love my new job. In a time of my life when I have felt so invisible and so out of place for so long, I have finally found a place that feels like home. I smile driving in as a security guard waves to welcome me each morning. I smile leaving knowing I worked hard and spent time with amazing people. People know me. They know my name. I can bounce from one volunteer to another and laugh and learn and have riveting conversations. A couple other staff members even address me as a social butterfly--something I have never been called in my life. People appreciate me. I belong. I have found my place. 

Now, not all days are perfect. My director and I don't always see eye-to-eye, and sometimes she is not particularly kind to me. I was so excited to be able to hire a new volunteer coordinator. I was excited for the help, but more importantly I was excited that it was my choice. I was going to be able to find someone right for the team and someone that I could have a comradery with. I have missed having someone in the office to talk to or someone to have lunch with more than anything. I miss the friendship. And, it was going to be MY CHOICE since I was the hiring manager! It ended up not actually being my choice, and I feel extremely uneasy about who was chosen. 

I heard someone say the other day to stop looking for God's hand in your life and start looking for His fingerprints. I had prayed so hard that they would not hire this girl. To be honest, I was beyond disappointed when they told me to put out an offer to her. I hadn't seen the hand I was hoping to see. My voice hadn't been heard even though I put myself out there multiple times to express my opinions and concerns. But, as I sat in sadness one evening I came across the following quote. 

This was a fingerprint. Proof that He is there in all things. He is there as we walk through our life journeys. He is there always. I can change the world. It won't be a big change, but it will be a change nonetheless. I can take this new challenge in stride and learn from my experiences just as I have in the other circumstances I have been placed in. I will continue to lead through my example. I will smile and go through each day with joy. I am thankful for this fingerprint. It was the reminder I needed.

Look for the fingerprints, my friends. 

Christmas Prayer

Christmas was weird this year. It wasn't bad, but it was weird. We were travelling for Ryan's wedding the week of, Ryan wasn't home, it was so quiet, I am still adjusting to my new job... Need I say more? It just didn't feel like Christmas. Even as Christmas came along. 

But, this was all on me. I had forgotten to focus on the true meaning of Christmas. I forgot my Savior amongst all of the craziness of shopping, reception planning, and worrying about my flights and the events going on at work. 

Christmas Day we all gather at my grandparents' house for Christmas dinner. Before our meal, we always say a prayer. My grandpa said the prayer this year. He is losing his memory, so you never quite know what you are going to get with his prayers anymore (one day he prayed like someone had died and it kind of scared the rest of us there), but his prayer this year really struck me. I wrote part of it down as soon as he finished. He prayed "that we may remember WHO we are and WHAT we are." All of the Christmas spirit that I had been missing rushed into me, bringing tears to my eyes. His simple testimony that we are all sons and daughters of God helped me remember what Christmas was really all about.

Christmas isn't about the traffic, the trees, the presents, or the decorations. Christmas is a time to come closer to our Savior. Christmas is a time to truly remember Him as we finish out the old year and get ready to start a new. Christmas is a time to begin thinking about resolutions you would like in the coming year. So, if you don't have a resolution or would like a new one (because your resolution to exercise every day or eat healthy is already out the window), I invite you to use my grandpa's prayer. Remember who you are and what you are. 

You are a beloved son or daughter of God. 

There is Gold

I recently was out with my mom where I saw a sign that said, "There is gold in every piece of your story." That resonated with me. I thought about all of the beautiful times in life whose memories have a golden hue. But, I also thought about all of the dark, hard times in which I can look back now and see how I have forged gold from them. 

Before I turned 15, I had a plan at church. When my birthday came around I was going to move up with all of my friends, my classmates, to the next level class that was for girls 16+. I had skipped a grade in junior high, and it just made sense. My parents had spoken with my bishop. Everything was going well... Until my birthday. The decision was then reversed which threw me through a loop. All of my friends were moving on without me. It was a struggle. I felt wronged. It took me several weeks to go back to my Young Women class. I would patiently wait for that class to be over and then go to Sunday School with my friends. But, looking back, when I finally went back to class I was made Mia Maid president. My friend, Emily, and I had so much fun. She, along with the Young Women leader we had, was exactly what I needed before heading off to college. 

My internship for my grad program is still one of the most difficult times of my life to date. I had no friends. The internship was insanely difficult. My roommate was literally crazy. My supervisors were not helpful and didn't seem interested in teaching me. Everything seemed stacked against me, and I was so stressed I made myself sick. I learned in meetings to put up a wall between me and those in the meeting with me. I became a blank slate that no one could read. There were countless nights full of tears. But, I had quality time with my cousin. I learned valuable skills on my own. I hope I was a good influence on my roommate. And, I got to share the magic of Christmas in Utah with my parents when they came to pick me up. 

In my previous job, where kindness and consideration for others was not at the front of people's minds, I again struggled. I was drained at the end of each and every day. I was tired of people taking credit for my work and my ideas. Tired of people being so rude. Tired of people in leadership not taking responsibility for things and for not putting in the work. But, I kept going. I put in my all. I connected with my volunteers. I made a difference. And, when I finally got so tired of it all and decided to leave, all of my hard work payed off. I had learned valuable skills. I had been taught valuable lessons. Someone saw potential in me and how hard I worked. I now see a whole lot more gold in each day, but I see the gold flecks in days past that got me here. 

There is gold in EVERY piece of your story. 

Much like the scripture that tells us all things will work together for our good, all of the dark and all of the light contains gold. After Joseph Smith's time in Liberty Jail, he said, "It seems to me that my heart will always be more tender after this than it was ever before." Find your gold. It's there. 

Your story is gold. You are golden. Because you are His. 

Tearing Down to Build Up

In General Conference this month, President Nelson shared this video. As I watched it, I wondered what the pioneers must be thinking. If I were one of them, I would initially think, "Oh my gosh! They are tearing up what I worked so hard to build!" But, as I thought more on the subject, I realized they probably aren't thinking that at all. They are probably looking down and smiling as they watch all of the glorious improvements we are making. The temple that they built is becoming stronger with modern technology and knowledge we have. It is becoming more resilient. 

We often have to tear things up in order to build them up BETTER and STRONGER. 

We have done this with scriptures. We were given the Book of Mormon to add to our Bibles. It adds to what we had been given previously, giving us more and drawing us closer to Christ. We added the Doctrine and Covenants, so modern day revelations are now scripture. Joseph Smith went through the Bible and did translations so that we could better understand what we had been given. We also have footnotes, the Bible Dictionary, and the Index to help us study and learn. 

We do this with revelations. Sometimes we do what we were given revelation to do only to find out it was right for that moment but not for the long term. We get more and more revelations over time to build on one another, to sometimes replace the old, and to gain more knowledge over time. 

We do this with our testimonies. Sometimes we have to tear down our testimonies down to the studs to find out what we truly believe, what is truly important. We cannot depend solely on the testimonies of others. We can use them as a foundation, but we ultimately have to build our own. If you add on to a house you don't just go out in the yard and start building. You add on to the foundation you had and then build on top of that. 

President Nelson talked about the complex task of making the temple's foundation sure. We each have the complex task of doing so with our own foundations. It may not always be easy seeing something we thought was right or something we have worked so hard on torn down, but as long as we are doing so to build ourselves up again better and stronger we will be okay. 

Now, more than ever, we have work to do! 

Continue to question. 

Continue to tear down. 

That is the only way you can build. 

Reinforce. 

Build better. 

Build stronger. 

Just build. 

Then, you be strong. 

You will be resilient. 

You will stand the test of time.

Do Your Part

We are quickly approaching Conference weekend! As I was considering what I need to pray for before this conference I was thinking about sustaining the leaders of the Church. We get to sustain our leaders during each conference, those in our ward and stake with each new calling, and confirm that we sustain them during temple recommend interviews. What does it mean to sustain someone? I looked at churchofjesuschrist.org, and it says "when we sustain someone we are keeping covenants" and that sustaining means "we promise to support the person called and to do our part as well". To do our part as well. That struck me. As I have read through my scriptures I have also noticed a few invitations for us. Let the spirit in. Let our hearts be glad. Let the gospel work within us. This is all up to us. We have to put in effort. We have to do our part. As we get closer to Conference, I am going to work on accepting these invitations. I am going to do my part. I am going to proudly sustain the Church leaders and do my best to actually hear their words and apply them in my life.

It Might Be Hope

Sometimes the questions people ask surprise me. Just yesterday, a girl at church just all of the sudden turned to me in the middle of institute and asked me if I thought hope could ever be in vain. Sometimes the answers I spurt out surprise me even more. In answer to her question, I answered with a resounding no. When she asked me why, I told her because hope is a principle of the gospel, and as long as we are truly hoping for something (not wishing that your favorite team will win a rival game but true hope) righteous it cannot be in vain. For some reason, this conversation really impacted me. Why was I so quick to answer? Do I really believe what I told her? I do. There have been so many times in my life where hope is my only option. I feel stuck. I feel beat down. I feel tired. But, when there is hope, there is light. We are promised so many blessings when we live our lives with faith and hope. And, as we come to see what we have hoped for come to fruition, there is a brighter light lit within us. Today, as I was reading through Doctrine and Covenants 86 I came to verse 7 where we are told to let the wheat and the tares grow together until the harvest is fully ripe. If we ask to cut the tares down when the blades are young (and our faith is weak), we may also destroy the wheat. I immediately thought of our trials and blessings. If we immediately ask for a trial to be taken away when it is just beginning do we risk missing out on blessings (and increased faith) that are results of it? We must let our blessings and trials grow together. In the end we can sift through it all and take only the best things from the situation. Hope is like that. We have to let hope grow up with the hard. It won't be in vain. Not ever.