A better 2005

Happy New Year in advance everyone!

imagine in three months time we wont be able to see each other much anymore...will u all still visit my blog?or will it become totally silent?i know i'll def visit urs to find out wat's going on in ur lives...it would be great to know of ur new jobs...projects n stuff like tat...as for me i feel like taking a break after i graduate...maybe try something totally media unrelated...like retail or something...it seems like the only time i was working happily was in a shop...so don be surprised if six months down the road u walk into a shop n find me serving u...my only worry is tat i may like it to much to go back to media...oh well we'll see how things goes as it comes...

2005 also marks the 10th year aniversary of frenship between me...weiling...yingchao n yanmei...can u imagine 10 years??i couldnt believe it when i started calculating n discovered tat 10 years had passed already...i am so lucky to have those gals to grow up with together...it has been an amazing journey n they were with me every step of the way...i love those babes...everytime my world threatens to spin out of control...they manage to pull me back...i'm thinking of doing something special to mark this special year...we don have much time for each other anymore n this would be a great chance...maybe a holiday together or at least s nice dinner

hi all how was ur christmas?i've had fun...eating loads of goodies...esp my favourite honey baked ham...if i could i'll finish the whole thing hehe...i even got a little mahjong tuition...mind teaser siah tat game...the only sucky thing was tat i didnt even receive a single pressie this yr...not even boxes of weird chocolates like the previous yrs...all i got was a odd looking chocolate santa from an aunt n a nice handmade bookmark from a cuz...damn i was even wishing for box after box of weird chocolate...at least i would have something to open n could for one moment while holding it before i open it to hope tat i might have something remotely interesting...i miss receiving n opening brightly wrapped gifts...nobody buys me presents anymore...sobz

my bro juz discovered tat he has the chicken pox...i'm the only sibling who hasnt cught it yet so i muz be careful...though i don mind the two weeks off...i cant exactly select when i catch it...n if i shld get it this week i'll miss the new year's eve celebrations...so now i'm super paranoid

Merry Christmas everyone

where are you christmas?

i feel empty...christmas is a week away n i feel nothing...none of the anticipation or happiness or tat warm fuzzy feeling...not even the best of christmas carols made me feel christmassy...i had this cassette tape of disney christmas carols when i was a kid back in those days where we only had tapes...i still remember how it looked like...it was white in color...n the color had all ths disney cartoon characters crammed on it like a family portrait...i loved tat tape...i remember playing it whenever i felt the urge to...nevermind tat it was in the middle of june n christmas was nowhere in sight...i would put in the player n curl up in front of it n juz listen while staring at the ceiling n all these beautiful feelings will wash over me...feelings i cant describe...very powerful but unexplainable...i remember during one of my weird urges to listen to the tape...the postman came by...heard wat i was playing n couldnt help commenting to my mom tat we were in the wrong season...my mom juz said i was crazy to play christmas carols in june but i didnt even bother to explain to her y...it juz made me feel warm n fuzzy...n better...sadly christmas doesnt do tat for me anymore...it seems like no one wants to celebrate...everyone seems tired n bored...
it has been ages since i last went down to the river but somehow i don think i want to though its my fav quiet spot...i think the emptiness gnaws at me more if i go there to think...when i have the money...i wanna go someplace where i can really feel christmas...like the way they describe it in carols...where there's snow n christmas trees n snowmen n log fires n goodwill...ppl laden with presents n sleigh rides n laughter...
n love

show the ones you love you care

ppl seriously don tell the ones they love n care abt how much they mean to them often enuff...do u really think they will know if u nvr ever mention it to them?or even if u did...when was the last time u did tat?
my nick recently was this lyric i chanced upon in an ad for evanescene's new song 'missing'...which went:'isnt anyone missing me?'the biggest response i had was from amin...which made me laugh simply becos it was so spontaneous n sweet of him...i nvr meant it to be an accusatory qn at any of my frenz or am trying to say tat everyone is not giving me enuff attention...i was nvr fond of overly gushing affection unless it truly came from the heart...but honestly everyone needed to know once in a while tat the ppl around them do care...i myself have been guilty of forgetting some of the impt ppl in my life juz becos i lost touch...so i keep working on letting them know how precious each one of them is to me...
a hug...a hello...a min to listen...a cup of coffee...an hr to juz chill n hang out...anything...as long as u let them know

i wanna get drunk n dance the night away on christmas eve...anyone got any suggestions??

national treasure was great...it was intriguing and action packed...there r some discrepancies in the plot but on the whole it was pretty gd...worth watching

i'm going into a 'friends' overload recently...i got n finished season 4 n now my cuz brought over season 1 for an overnight marathon...woohoo!!

life's simple luxuries...

waking up to a room flooded with sunlight...feeling rested...snuggling down in ur blanket against the brisk morning cold...savoring a few more minutes in bed...getting out of bed with the blanket still wrapped around u...plodding out to read the newspapers...washing up...grabbing a little breakfast n sitting by the window...watching the street below...
in mid morning no one's rushing for work...most of them r going for a nicer reason...lunch with frenz...shopping...n there'll be kids racing along with the pavements as their F1 tracks or super moms who'll have kids...oversized sch bags N the morning's groceries balanced on one bike...an elderly couple strolling...joggers taking advantage of the fresh air...all these against the colorful facade of the blk opp mine...my estate is going thru a renovation so it feels like new n everything's so colorful...
u have no idea how immensely therapeutic this is...every one shld take a couple of mins each day to juz look at ur neighbourhood...perhaps this world will be a little nicer...

starting over

i'm trying to learn to be strong again
i'm trying to regain some self confidence
i'm trying to start to believe in myself again
i'm trying to look for the bright spark in my darkest hours
i'm trying...if u do care will u give me a hand?

The Prayer
I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go,
And help us to be wise, in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, as we go our way
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe...

La luce che tu dai
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore resterà
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei

Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'è

When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno di la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternità

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind

E' il desiderio che
And watch us from above

Ognuno trovi amor
We hope each soul will find

Intorno e dentro a sé
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer

Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

E' la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salverà

nobody understands...

last weekend was great...julia came over n we had a friends marathon...11 hrs striaght of friends n now i'm experiencing friends withdrawal symptons rite now...i cant wait til she comes over the next time with another season...the next afternoon we were all conked out on the sofa...after a great dinner we dressed up the tree n put up some christmas decorations...it was all so nice n i wished it didnt end...i so hate the fact tat sch has started...why the freak couldnt we have started sch like everyone else??my reshoot wouldnt be a prob then...f***
well no use griping or going around with a sad face cos tat drives ppl away from me...
nobody understands how i feel anyway...

kitchen sink

amazing how a kitchen sink could look so interesting

thk god singapore chose talent over a supposedly cute face...otherwise i'll picket outside mediacorps should they decide to have a singapore idols 2 cos singaporeans don seem to have proper hearing yet

hi guys need ur help...i've juz changed my blogskin as u can see to a very nice christmassy one...prob is i'm not sure if u guys can see it...the background's supposed to have this wording 'all i want for christmas' at the left hand top corner n a very cute sassy santarina at the right hand side(mite have to scroll a little)...let me know if u can see anything besides an all red background alright?thks!!

the tv in my living room juz went on the blink...n its only a yr n a half old...lousy...so big but couldnt even last...had to go into my parents room for our daily dosage of mind rot...thk god their bed is king size or it would nvr fit all of us...kind of fun n cosy actually...only downside is we get thrown out of the room at 1030 n now i'm faced with the whole night of no entertainment...juz when i've finished all the books i borrowed from the library n discovered tat they r showing 'whose line is it anyway?' tonite...damn
my sis bought this small lego thingy from the star wars range tat she was assembling for her bf...it was all i could do to restrain myself from assembling it all for her...i love lego...i've always wanted to get one of those huge castle sets...complete with dungeons n soldiers n horses n carts n everything...they r so much fun...one of the many things i wanna get if i have loads of money...bloody thing is so small but costs a whooping arm n leg...i think they fix the price according to a scale of 1mm=$1...tsk conglomerates

my cousin julia popped by yesterday n stayed over cos she wanted some help with a powerpoint invitation for her workplace...she went on this fanatical artistic spree...trying to make her presentation as kickass as possible...i was beside her the whole night trying to give constructive advice n reassure her tat it looks great...but only she can spend 3 hrs on a 2 slide christmas party invitation juz becos she wanted ppl to be wowed by it...
so i was there desperately keeping myself awake while this conversation repeated at least ten times during the night...

Ju:eh angel wat do u think?does it look ok?should i change this part?
me:it looks ok...maybe u try bringing this lower so it looks the same as the others.
Ju:ok...how does it look now?better?should i add more stuff?
me:no this looks gd enuff...simple...clear n very christmassy..
Ju:are you sure??i want people to be wowed by it leh!!ok i'll start the slideshow for u to see (peers anxiously at my face)
how??how??u're not wowed!!!
me:Julez!its 2am in the morning!!its kinda hard for me to be wowed when i'm trying to stay awake!!it looks great now can we go to bed??

only my beloved cuz could make me tahan such perfectionism at 2 am in the morning...haiz...
n silly me had to remind her abt the horror bonanza 'shutter' which she saw earlier tat evening as we were bunking down for bed which made her jump into mine so fast i could barely escape being squashed...but it was nice...reminded me of all those times she stayed over at my place when we were kids n we used to share the same bed...chatting long into the night...well not tat long cos we could hardly stay up past midnight when we were kids...n snuggling under numerous blankets n pillows n bolsters which will all end up on the floor the next morning...
cant wait to have her over for a 'friends' marathon...tat would be loads of fun...

was inspired by my former JC lecturer's journal lately to write some entries tat make sense instead of my usual babble about how bored i am or how stressed life is...i'm waiting to see how long i could keep this up til i slip back to my usual psycho-babble...
today's been weird...once again i'm feeling something i cant describe...i spent the whole day on my sofa...reading all sorts of stuff...newspapers...comics n today being weds my ever present 8 days...i was literally stuck on m sofa reading...munching...n dozing off...perfect as it may sound n though it was wat i really wanted...i was filled with a strange gloom not unlike the dimming light spreading across my living room...they say twillight is a lonely time...i have to agree...i was filled with a weird sadness n i felt my old fear creeping up on me again...which was really silly...its just the reshoot looming in the near future...its like a nightmare tat wasnt over n i'm afraid to go to sleep becos of it...i'm yet to be fully free of my nightmare but i know i have to face it...
i think one of the reasons for my crazy change of mood(besides hormones)was the quietness in my house today...only me n my mom...i miss my sis...she's staying over at her bf's place n i wish she was here instead...even though she'll be bz studying n i'm not allowed to disturb her...at least she's here...its the usual funny relationship amongst siblings...when she's here i could find a million things to yell at her for but when she's away for juz one night i start to miss her already...i count myself very lucky...growing up my siblings were more like my best frenz than siblings...we played...fought n hung out together...it was so great having ur best frenz with u all the time...the countless games n adventures we had...i miss them
i cant wait til she finishes her exams so tat we can rot on the sofa together...hey sis gambette!!

style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>You are 80% Virgo

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

ok i'm bored...
hey guys wats fun to do online lately??too silly for me to join stuff like freinster now...one yr too late...i wonder if there's any fun games or groups i could join...i'll go look around...let me know if u have anything to keep my brains from turning to mush ok?thks

i wonder...
wat's it like to be able to feel secure...to know tat watever happens he's there to block it for u?
i wonder...
wat's like to fall asleep in someone's arms?
i wonder...
wat's it like to look at someone n feel like u nvr knew how u managed to live before?
i wonder...
wat's it like to smile n light up with happiness juz by seeing his name?
i wonder...
wat's it like to be so important n special to someone tat they r willing to do anything for u n u for them?
i wonder...
wat's it like to feel totally comfortable with someone...to sit with them for hours not having to say anything but feel like u're having the best time of ur life?
i wonder...
wat's it like to wake up with a smile on ur face?
i wonder...
wat's it like to have someone care for u...protect u n look after u?
i wonder...
wat's it like to have someone look at u like they cant bear to let u go?
i wonder...
wat's it like to be loved?

tat was a nice couple of dyas of chalet...tired but fun...i cant seem to be able to tan though...i'm still this horrible pasty color...damn
had a nice time relaxing on the beach then went to phuture on weds nite...gosh it was so packed i got so irritated...i don get it...if u wanna juz stand there n look like the have the weight of the whole world on u go stand somewhere else can??don stand in the middle of the dancefloor lah!!clubs shld not only screen for ppl who r of legal age...they shld screen for losers too...u see a lot of 'i don know y they come' kind of ppl in clubs...
one very simple rule of common sense...if u have been dancing behind or beside a girl for some time n r trying to get her to dance n she doesnt respond to u...get the hint n move away somewhere else pls?it's not us girls being snobbish but we know wats on ur minds n since u don even respect us tat way don blame us for snubbing u..
on a better note it was still fun...dancing always is...but somehow it alwasy sux the second time u go to a certain club...the first time there's always the best...i think we need to find a new one to go to each time...i wanna go to madam wong's...went there for sam's shoot on thurs...very interesting decor n if the music they played for the shoot is wat they usually play i'm so going there...prob is nikky they all arent 21...no one to go with me...
we were so shagged dancing so much consecutively it was a miracle we could still do a bbq...we started at around 9 plus...10 pm so it was more like supper...yummy n fun...it was back to the beach on fri morning n now i'm completely shagged...still have to wake up early tomolo morning to help my mom sell uniforms...urgh..

think u guys r bored of seeing pics of us in either bikinis or party gear so will not bother putting them up...
nikky i'm not free on tues!!!!

hehehe...toking to my three best buddies online now...so rare to have them all online at the same time...we spent like 2hrs toking crap n abt everything n all sorts of werid stuff...so fun...there r few things better than toking cock with ur best pals for hrs...can life get any better or wat??
wooooooooooooooooooo

i bought another two tops!!my mom is unusually generous these couple of days so grab the opportunity while i can i say...hehehe...i'm so horrible but the t-shirt's cute n the lovely little camisole is irresitable...i'll wear it soon sometime for u guys to see
this week has been great...lazing at home...shopping...clubbing this weds with a nice chalet by the beach to relax at...life is getting too gd to be true...yeah!!

the best way of shopping is to go with ur parents...kekeke...today our whole family made a rare trip down orchard rd...its been a long time since we went out as a family to juz shop n walk around orchard...
bought two skirts today...n neither is one i'm really pleased abt...i juz wanna buy something...shopping deprived for too long...thk god they werent too ex...i juz hate the fact tat when i go shopping with my sis n we see something we both like but it always ends up fitting n looking better on her...i hate being so thin!!!!nothing looks gd on me!!damn!

juz saw my results...the lousiest i've ever got in my 2 1/2 yrs here...didnt fail anything but they sure don look nice either...blah...wat the heck

my constant need to munch still persists...seems like my body is trying to make up for the whole time i hardly ate anything during the shoot...lets see tat was almost 11 days of fasting...yup i've got a lot to catch up on...recently i have this huge craving for cereal with milk...coco pops...coco crunch...honey stars...u name it...bowls n bowls of it with nice cold milk...normally its nothing weird except tat i hate milk...i hardly drink it but now i'm downing bowls of it...i don get it but now i'm gonna get myself a bowl of cookie crispes...my 2nd for today...they r yummy...go try them

today was perfect...i stayed home...watched tv...read a little...enjoyed my dad's awesome penang laksa n my phone didnt ring even once...perfect...if every day til sch reopens could be like this i'll be so happy...
cant wait for clubbing n chalet next week...

i love my blogskin...the more i look at it...the cuter i find it...yay yay..

i have been snacking non stop these couple of days...i think its to make up for all those shooting days when i hardly ate or ate only one meal a day...

gals next week's chalet better happen...i have been looking forward to it for too long liao...don make me murder u all

lalalala...this is wat happens when i don blog for too long...i blog too much in one day...
when was the last time i took pics??couldnt remember...juz had the itch to play with my cam again today...my little digi baby which i havent touched for so long...n guess wat...while fiddling around with it i discovered some features tat i nvr knew to explore which suddenly made my cam a lot better n worth the 800 bucks my dad paid for it...suddenly my cam isnt too sucky...hahahaha

hey changed my blogskin...finally...i think the last one was the longest it ever stayed on my blog...didnt have the time or energy to think of something diff...even this one was downloaded wholesale from blogskins.com...it isnt really the perfect skin i'm looking for but it will do for now...i juz wanna get something tat could make me smile everytime i look into my blog...
i was walking around taka yesterday...passing the time when i heard christmas carols twinkling faintly in the bg...i looked around me carefully for once n i discovered all the festive decorations festooned all over the place n it juz struck me tat christmas isnt too far off...juz over a month n a half away which in shopping mall terms equal next week...it completely slipped my mind tat its the end of the year already...the festive season of christmas...new year etc is fast approaching...its the time for celebration n fun n cheer...or is it??perhaps my entire being is still too tired to really absorb the atmosphere...perhaps its becos my specs isnt really over yet...i still have a meeting tomolo n processing n telecine to complete n another day of shooting to make up for the rainy days...then maybe finally i can be left alone to have some fun...to rest...to slack n to juz hide away from the world...filling it only with some solitude...family...n some hangout time with frenz...it is not in my nature to yell "go away!!" cos i still have some work left to do but believe me i so feel like doing tat...
so unless u r looking for me to hang out or to have some fun or with anything else but specs...can u please leave me alone??

whew...filming is technically over for now...ending in a spectcular crash with me missing the last three steps at the library's staircase n landing with a big bump...ouch
now i hurt all over...from neck to toes...all i want to do now is rot at home with lots of gd books...movies n munchies...if not for my pet peeve of ppl not answering their phones...i'm sorely tempted to switch off my phone so tat i can have some peace n not have ppl calling me with things for me to do...
it also sux tat i'm broke...i would love to go on a shopping spree rite now...i cant wait for the chalet to come...a chance to relax n have fun

4 more days to go..

argh feeling so sick rite now...lousy me
haiz

hi guys i'm back in the civilised world...been back since a couple of nites ago...had to travel around so i couldnt stay at the chalet...my bed felt so odd then...so disorientated...
the shoot has been hell...day in day out...i'm glad tat part is over...i suck so badly at being a producer...i screwed up the whole thing...yeah so i was gd at putting the whole file together like big deal...i shld have considered a career as a admin clerk huh...i hate myself..
next fri will be here soon...i await the day where i wont have to wake up with fear n dread n in cold sweat...

came back home to get some stuff n have to go back to the chalet later...completely exhausted...so don feel like leaving my house again...so homesick...i cant wait for shooting to end

sob

pray for me

my shooting starts tomolo...everything tat could go wrong has gone wrong...all tat planning has gone out of the window...wish me luck...i need loads of it

god save me

nobody can understand how much i want Nov 5th to come as soon as possible n for shooting to proceed as smoothly as it is possible...D day is two days away n lots of stupid shit has happened...i'm too tense to even eat properly...oh let this be over soon...God help me..

hi all...please help my sis complete this survey ok? its for her geography module in NUS...very short n simple...juz answer seriously to facilitate her findings...
thks so much!!

http://www.my3q.com/home2/46/charlene_lmj/46594.phtml

i had a lovely dream last nite...if only it was true...it will make my world at present a whole lot better...n make it easier for me to forge on...if only it was true...
i dreamt u love me

yay!my 'nightmare before christmas' dvd finally arrived!so happy tat i've got it...great stop-motion animation...
tats one off my 'wanted movies' list...but first i'll deviate n make my next purchase the "flava" cd...its a muz get!!

hi all...
is she gonna gripe abt specs again??yes i am...a little..
god not again?how much more longer is she gonna go on abt this??
i myself find it remarkable tat one project could have such a tight stranglehold on our lives...totally controlling our emotions n sanity..
its no big deal...its juz one project...there r other bigger problems in the world..
i agree but isnt problems n their magnitude subjective?wat is a big deal to some is nothing to others n while wat a small problem is to others is a big one to others..
like to some who have to worry about their next meal n a roof over their heads they can take my specs on anyday n complete it gladly...to the person who have a deadly disease robbing thier lives...they would wish they had the time to take on projects...the measurement of ur prob is highly subjective to how much u can handle n the presence of other shit in ur life..
all i know now is tat i'm not the only one tearing their hair out over specs of final yr projects...i know of lots in my sch n outside who r wishing with all their heart they can get it over n done with n be rid of it...few seems happy doing their final yr projects...they seem to be stuck in a whirlpool they cant escape while demons of all sorts race around them threatening to take away any sanity they have left
but even in the deepest whirlpools theres always a vortex where u can see the sky n light...look around to the family n frenz around u...they r the ones holding u steady in the whirlpool...
we r in this together n the toughest part will be over soon

take my hand n don let go...

Never say I love you if you don't care
Never talk about feelings if they weren't there
Never touch a hand if you meant to break a heart
Never begin something you never meant to start
Never say hello if all you meant was goodbye
Never look in the eye when all you do is lie

duhh

i think pre-pro for specs took half of my brain cells...i have severe short term memory loss...i keep asking ppl stuff tat i juz asked five mins ago...i'm like in a daze half the time with the shortest attention span ever...n i cant analyse the simpliest things...
i've become dumb!!!


this is a pic i took off my cam & lights shoot today (6/10)...isnt it gorgeous??!!i love shooting water...it looks so beautiful...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
tat was my stress relieving yell...paperwork is finally handed up so the pressure is off a little for a while...cant wait for the whole shooting to be over...i think i'll start saving some money...a little at a time so tat i can go for a big splurge n pamper myself when all this is over...

club rouge

last nite was a guilty pleasure...had specs A's deadline been at its usual date...yesterday would have been my stress-reliever...though it has been pushed back n my part has been done i feel very bad enjoying myself while knowing tat my other grp members r slaving away...forgive me

yesterday nite was a long standing plan to celebrate sam's birthday n to cheer her up cos she'll be lonely w/o her bf...we got her this adorable gorilla soft toy n printed a t-shirt with her bf's name on it...so tat she could hug it while he's away...hahaha...

it was fun...though the music was terrible at first n took a long time to warm up n ended way too early...the place was nice n we had a comfy sitting area...there were a lot of weird ppl there...esp weird guys n it was all the guys in our grp could do to shoo them away when they stuck like flies...esp poor ryan...he was kept bz shielding me n viv...i juz ignored all of them n danced with viv the whole nite...so much so tat someone asked sam if viv was les!!hahahaha!

headed for supper when the party ended n then to our hotel room where we caught some much needed zzzz...










the stupid flash so blinding!!







complimentary champagne for the birthday girl...which tasted a little funny

miracles!!

miracles do happen!!
we have an extension on paperwork! yay!!!
mrs choo was in a very good mood today n was so nice n all...cant believe it
tomolo nite will be a blast...i juz know it...

i bought the "the choir boys" soundtrack!!!it sounds so gd...
me very happy now

yellow ribbon

Support the Yellow Ribbon Project

All they want is another chance

test shoot

yesterday was a crazy affair...non stop all the way from pro plan lab to BHE test to meeting my conposer to the shoot set...headache...cant wait for fri...its gonna be so fun!!!yippee!

great movies

for those who havent seen the choir boys yet go see it...its a muz see...fantastic movie...the music was so beautiful...i cried when jean baptiste sang...he has this amazing voice...literally from the heavens...it was so moving...at first i tot it was juz me n my emo crazy stuff but i heard a lot more sniffling around me n realised i wasnt the only one crying...i wanna get the soundtrack...truly singing tat will reach deep into ur heart...

straight out of one theatre into another to watch sepet...i was curious as to how gd it was...it was enjoyable n really funny at times...its strength is tat it did not follow the usual love story plotline...where u could guess wat came next...u couldnt...its weakness...the love story was clouded over by its colorful supporting characters...but still it was very touching...nvr watched two movies in one go n nvr cried consecutively either...

writing poetry was like writting letters to god...it was like saying all you wanted to say to someone you couldnt see...then god replied to me with you...you were my poetry from god...

help...

i cannot stand being on this emotional rollercoaster anymore...i juz wanna hole up at home with my mum n sis...where i'm safe n life's uncomplicated...
i feel like i'm facing this huge raging beast...everytime i find somewhere to hide...it sniffs me out n threatens to devour me whole...it keeps chasing me n wont leave me alone...i want so much to run into someone's arms where i'll be really safe but there's no one to run to...i don wanna keep running...i wanna stop feeling scared...
i hate myself for being so weak...i hate myself for not being able to handle this...its only specs n when i go out to join the industry it will be like this everyday...if i cant handle this wat am i gonna do for the rest of my life??!!arrgghhh...i've been telling myself tat i can do this for so many times i'm getting sick of hearing it...
home is one place i can feel safe but not completely...thk god for my family n frenz...
i juz wan my life to be simple...

hot!!

location recce muz always be done with a car...
today's weather was crazy!!!so hot!but i managed to secure most of my locations so tats a big whew!!i juz pray tat i can shoot there smoothly...

many many many thanks to amin!!!!he's our lucky star...kekekeke

aww so cute...bear with me for a while on this influx of cringey cutesy stuff...i need something cute to make me smile...

emo idiot

haiz...hormones nvr fail to wreak havoc on my life...i'm all cheery n gd with my life rite now but the slightest touching thingys get me leaking like a broken tap...don even get me started on friends...cried buckets at the finale...my sis tot i was nuts...i'm waiting for this course of hormones to run out so tat i wont be laughing one moment n crying the next...like some bloody idiot...keke

i think i shld stop trying to get a tan...i nvr succeed...today's weather started fine but it rained later in the afternoon n it was so awfully cold!!brrr...so sucky...


cheryl,nikky n me in the corner


haiz...i'm prob the one who spent the most on her hair but its the one tat looks the shitiest in pics...


stupid wind..


when u r bored...take pics...kekeke

my fav flower!!

my birthday pressie from vicki...my fav flower!!me so touched...nvr receive flowers b4..

i spent the whole of yesterday quietly at home...a nice day to myself with lots of peace...doing a little chores n putting off any work til night...a day off...tat was my present to myself...

many thanks to all who remembered n sent me the cutest msges...special thks to the gals for tat lovely skirt...hope i have the guts to wear it out in public!hahaha

happy birthday to me

Gone are the days where you wait in anticipation
Gone are the days where it is a celebration
Gone are the brightly wrapped gifts
Gone is the loving kiss
Gone are the days when it seems so special
Gone are the things that simply made it magical

A birthday is just a birthday...

every year when my parents n frenz ask me wat i want for my birthday...
i always pause for a while before answering...every year for as long as i can remember...w/o fail...
its not becos i dont know wat i want...i do know...every yr it doesnt change...there's only one thing i want more than anything else in the world...prob is i cant name it...so i always take a min to remember sadly wat i so badly desire but cant voice n name some other trival little thing for my loved ones to get me...
becos wat i truly want...my birthday wish every single yr...is something my parents n frenz can nvr give me...it is something tat no amt of money or power could obtain...it is something tat i cannot describe w/o sounding like some desparado...but no matter wat it makes me sound like...its still my heartfelt desire...

only god could grant it to me but unfortunately He cant seem to hear me...

me n zing hosting for sam's gameshow


okok i know its very act cute but i cant help it...it seems like some sort of reflex action everytime someone tries to take my pic...keke

had fun today hosting for sam's gameshow...it was a lot of laughs but i look terrible on screen...blergh

hang in there guys...the ride is far from over

scared..

tat 'deer-in-the-headlights' feeling is back again...
i nvr tot i'll feel tat kind of panic n fear again...i dont want to...
i keep bracing myself n forcing my mind to repeat tat scary tot so tat i'll be numb to its effects
i have to keep fighting tat strong urge to run n now all i want to do is to hole up at home...in peace n hide under my blankets...like 4 yrs ago...
i dont want to...
i dont want to be afraid...
come on angie...u can do this...

many thanks to the orange pants man.

tat scent...yes its the scent i always smell on u...i close my eyes...leant against the wall n pretended i was leaning against u...

dont cry

ryan...robin...jess...viv n me having fun taking pics at my cam & lites shoot today (which was a total screw up)

where do you hide when the whole world decides to do a dump on you?

haiz

i lost my job...juz when i've learnt everything n got the hang of it...n i was really enjoying myself at work...meeting all these different ppl n getting the satisfaction of serving them well...oh well..

thks to sam n viv for listening to all my shit...stupid insecurities n mindless blabber...thks so much...love u guys
n also to vicki...u know i cant do w/o u...u know me too well..

i feel like i'm going mad...i feel like juz holeing up somewhere where no one can find me n tell everyone to leave me alone...give me some time to gather my senses n tots...like...GO AWAY!!!!
blah...wishful thinking...

i realised tat its gonna be my birthday very soon...god 22...as for now i'm gonna be 21 every yr so everyone forget my age!!!
i'm not looking forward to my birthday...not becos of the age thing but i don recall a birthday celebration tat i really enjoyed since i was...9...i think
some birthdays i spent alone...some with frenz but none tat i truly enjoy or remembered fondly...i've always felt my frenz r there as an obligation...i envy those who have frenz who take the time n effort to prepare a special surprise birthday celebration for them...so nice..
anywayz there is a gd thing abt my birthday...gives the girls a reason to go party n club...right gals??hahahaha

ok happy mood over..

jess's shoot...

arghh!

i'm confused...again...n its over some things which i'm not even sure r there!!!
certain ppl...feelings...
i'm not sure wat i'm feeling...i'm not sure if i shld be feeling wat i'm feeling...
apprehensive...scared...too afraid to expect n hope...my heart is juz too frail to go thru another round of emotions...
once...a few words...tat was all...i think i'm getting too desperate...i feel like a cheap slut...i hate myself...
its not even time for those stupid hormones...

cam & lites

these past two days of prod has been fun...stupid me forgot to bring alongmy cam on the first day which made me miss a lot of quaint sights when we were exploring around dhoby ghaut during our breaks...damn...
but here r the pics from the second day...


we shot mainly at ryan's church these couple of days...n we did robin's clip at the old sch hall of MGS which was within the compound...lovely old place






no prod break is complete w/o a furious game of table soccer...we would play all day if we could...i swear its like one of the most addictive games ever


this lovely comfy tat is so great to take breaks in


setting up ryan's nite shoot




on the last train home...

i hope my shoot wont cock up or something...i am so bad at lighting...
sheesh my legs r covered in bruises rite now...esp my knees...n tats juz from kneeling!!i think i bruise too easily...

spooky

the spookiest thing juz happened to me this morning...i was juz enjoying me breakfast this morning when the doorbell started ringing non-stop...i tot it was one of my family wanting to get in badly so i went to the door...opened it n there was no one there!!i'm serious...i looked carefully n there was no one there n all this while the doorbell kept on ringing...i was completely spooked out n there i was all alone at home...i swear if it was at night...i would have ran out of the house...actually it continued happening later in the day when the whole family's home...my mom thinks its becos our doorbell's old n acting crazy...i juz wanna disengage it...

btw...chinablack sucked totally last nite...sianz

come on angie...u're doing perfectly so far...don sabotage ur own happiness...

when most ppl witness a gorgeous sight...be it a lovely sunset or a beautiful landscape filled with crystal clear water n lush greenery...most will stare at it...marvelling at its beauty...trying to absorb it all in...n the reflex action is almost always a strong desire to reach out with ur hand n touch the scene before u...half ecpecting to come in contact with a flat surface...with the ever present notion tat the beauty before is too beautiful to be true...n ur comment to ur companion will almost always be "wow this is so pretty...it looks like one of those computer graphics thing or digital images"

when confronted with a vision of visual perfection y do we always have the notion tat its too good to be real n it would be man-made instead??since when have man been the creator of perfection?i myself have been guilty of the above scenario plenty of times n i find it disconcerting...this kind of mentality is worrying...

fireworks!