It is not easy to wake up every morning with a tight feeling in the chest area. That being said, my chest has so far been its normal self only when i close my eyes to sleep. But this is something that I have to learn to cope, and hopefully, with time, it'll get better.

Maybe it's true what they say, "I think sometimes you have to lose someone completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you."


First cut is always the deepest... :(

Graduation is on Wednesday.

I have yet to practise my speech.

I have not really studied for my test.

I'm not prepared at all to meet my new colleagues this Thursday.

Oh God, why must all these happen now....


At the moment, I'm still wishful and filled with a little hope. You are my first love, and I want more than anything for you to be my last. But whatever happens, thank you for loving me. Thank you for teaching me how to love.

I love you.

26th October 2012.

Another date that I will remember for the rest of my life.

This is the day when everything seems to come crashing down.

This is the day when I have to exit my fantasy world and move on with my life, without the person I held most dear to for the past 2.5 years.


Sigh.

A friend invites me to her wedding. I saw a another friend's update on FB today on her newborn child. These events made me recall the good times we had when we were still meeting or chatting regularly.

One used to be my PT, another is an ex-poly classmate with whom I've only started chatting online few years after graduation. Both have or are settling down and are doing well in their lives. And I'm really happy for them. But somehow, I really miss the times we had together. I looked through the chat logs I had with the latter friend and was somehow amazed at how we went from acquaintance to friends and now I guess back to acquaintance again.

Of course, I do not fault her. When you've settled down and stuffs, it'll be harder to meet, chat or catch up with your friends. It's also probably a little inappropriate considering our gender differences. In future, if I ever have the opportunity to settle down, I'll probably be doing the same thing too. But I will always remember when this friend told me how, through our online chats, I brighten her up whenever she is feeling down. To me, it works both ways. I'm someone who lead a simple life. If what I did, through my actions or words makes another person happy, that would make me happy too. It's like a win-win situation. And that's probably something I've missed as time goes by. I believe interactions are important to sustain friendships. Without them, you are probably just an acquaintance with that other person.

A lot of people in our lives would just come and go. Very few would stay. The ones who stay and make an effort to keep in contact with you are those that we should always cherish. To all my friends who still remember me and include me in their outings, even though I know you won't be seeing this, I thank you and I will always remember that.



It's only recently that I've opened up, become more daring and less shy. But sometimes, it's just a little too late...

Hello blog.

It has been a while. Since I have some free time now, I shall post some updates.

Just completed OBS this past week. What can I say, the five days have been both mentally and physically draining. That being said, we, or at least I, did enjoy our time there. It was during this time that everyone get to know each other even better, while at the same time, realised and honed our leadership skills. There were many interesting activities which challenged both our physical and mental endurance. The jetty jumps and high elements provided situations which are outside our comfort zones - ones which emphasized trust and confidence in ourselves and our team-mates. The reflections sessions every night provided some needed review on what have happened individually and collectively as a team during the day, and what is good and what can be improved on. For me, the trekking expedition was one of the most memorable activities where we stretched our physical limits to find the various checkpoints. It was also during this activity that I discovered things that I have to improve on personally as a leader - that is, never to make assumptions. Fortunately, despite the couple of hiccups along the way, we managed to reach our destination safely.

The fun during these five days would not have been possible without all my team-mates. The constant help and encouragements enables me to push and stretch my limits, while at the same time, enjoy myself in the activities. The "compulsory" saboteur games every night not only provides entertainment from the many different patterns of each player (Lol) and for us to wind down after a tiring day, but to me, they also bonded us even closer. Every comments (be it positive or negative) are never taken to heart. The fun, teamwork, perseverance, commitment that we experienced during the week are some of the things that I'll strive to bring back and put into practice once I'm posted out.

2/3 of my training has been completed so far. With a blink of an eye, the remaining third will finish as well. While I'm eager to start my stint in a new workplace, I am saddened that I will have to leave this bunch of friends that I have been together with for the past 8 weeks. Once we are posted out, the "bola", kopi luwak and gossiping sessions will come to a stop, or at most, lessened. I am never good at saying goodbyes. But come our graduation day, I hope that I will be able to approach it with a positive mindset.

Everyone in this batch is a leader in his or her own unique way. But when placed together, we have created a strongly bonded team that can withstand various forms of challenges and obstacles. Let's enjoy our remaining weeks of training together with fun and enthusiasm! For this team is truly Sangat Tak Bosan!