Mi Corazon

So I owe my readers one heartfelt apology - for my lack of commitment to this blog. School's been hectic and I've been busy attending to my personal matters. Anyway, it's national day today, so happy birthday Singapore, although i haven't exactly been the epitome of patroitism or nationalistic loyalty. And my pop's birthday is tomorrow, I pray that I do nothing to agitate or frustrate him. Trust me, I have a knack for doing that. It's this uncontrollable compulsive behaviour which I wish, wasn't the case.

Festival of Praise was awesome. It was spiritually exhilarating and Don Moen has got to be one of the greatest Christian musicians ever. His pieces were flawless and professionally executed ; the audience couldn't ask for more, except maybe an encore? I'm considering buying his album, it should be well worth the dough. Okay nuff propaganda.

Mom was right, people come and go all the time. It's an inevitable cycle, and it's your call on whether it's good or bad. I guess I've decided to live for the moment and if something makes me happy, I'd do it even if it was wrong in the third party's eyes. Maybe I have been living a life trying to please the people around me, and now I've decided to live one solely for myself. Self-absorbed? Selfish? But we all are, it only depends on the degree.

The haters, you guys can stray behind and I'd still move along with or without your support. All I need is one quality friend who will follow me rain or shine and I'm good to go. It's absurd to measure friendship by the numerical figures and not by the degree of the relationship.

I'm starting to enjoy my youth and cliche but, I wish I could be forever young. In my opinion, life is at its climax and peak at this age. We are most of the time, void of serious illnesses or problems during our days of youth. I've managed to settle down in yj despite its bumpy road and I've met people who are worth meeting, some leaving indelible footprints in your life. In any case, their friendship and support are detrimental to my journey in the school, and although it's a well known fact that people come and go, I wish that time would stand still, even if it was only for a while.

These are the days worth living.

The Flame - Cheap Trick

Watching shadows move across the wall feels so fright'ning
I wanna run to you, I wanna call, but I've been hit by lightning
Just can't stand up for falling apart
Can't see through this veil across my heart over you
You'll always be the one
You were the first, you'll be the last

Wherever you go I'll be with you
Whatever you want I'll give it to you
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon
Remember after the fire after all the rain
I will be the flame

Wrong Move

I allowed those venemous emotions get the best of me today. Sorry Nirmal for the numerous words mix-up and my dazed attitude. You were more than right, girls are nothing but a bundle of trouble. Just look at the quicksand Dinesh and I have gotten ourselves into.

I have reached the crossroads and neither of the paths seem to have anything attractive to offer me.

Update, I received my abysmal literature block test results and scraped through by the skin of my teeth. This might be the only subject that I actually pass judging by the lack of effort put into the others. My term one progress report stinks like rotten eggs too, which makes me ponder, what am I even doing here in the first place?

Previously, I was actually looking forward for the OBS camp due to the many positive comments I heard from others. Until I found out that you have to dig holes to answer nature's call (solid or liquid form), and you would be restrained from showering for about 3 days. I think I'm starting to have second thoughts.

Ben - How could you insinuate notions regarding my heterosexuality based on other individuals linked via my friendster account? Have you forgotten what Mr S used to say? "Now class, that is an assumption." Or maybe you left for Melbourne leaving everything from yj behind. That aside, I'm sorry I didn't exactly give you the best farewell a buddy should have, but the present speaks for itself right? I wish you all the best in your endeavours at Aussie and the next time we meet up, do tell me that you've enrolled as a student in the UNImelb. Meanwhile, for the love of god, please refrain from being distracted by the campus's sizzling gym, and stop 'helping" hot aussie chicks pick up their change so you can "accidentally" look up their mini-skirts.

You're not worth it. Somehow, I wish I had never seen you.

Tense Episode - Part 1

And this might be the most dramatic entry of mine for the moment.

I haven't been to that page for a good whole month and today, I decided to re-visit it again for the most peculiar reasons. Actually, I forced myself to stay away for the whole month due to many unexplainable circumstances. And after that "quarantine", I'm back to square one, or somewhere in the vicinity to be precise.

Does small talk and amateurish comments mean so much to eradicate the good friendship or whatever you call it we once had? I know humans are vulnerable and not void of emotions. That's why the perceptions of others, somehow, do affect us in a way or another. But if this was more important than all the ballocks others say and if it could dominate the situation, then would this outcome of ours still be inevitable? God only knows.

Okay, so maybe that's not the sole reason. But from my experience and judgement of knowing you well enough, that IS in fact, the most detrimental factor as to why we are now strangers on a busy street.

That scene today really distracted me and destroyed my concentration level. You buy your drink in front of me and when you decide to change your mind about the preference of drink, you turn behind, nearly bump into me, then blatantly say in the most diplomatic manner "I'm sorry."

The more someone tries to salvage, the worse the damage becomes. So I'm supposed to sit back, relax, and patiently await for that miracle to drop in front of me. About a day ago, I presumed things were resolved. Keyword : presumed.

You were the diligent one who fervently reminded me to do my assignments and what not, you were my first friend in that wretched place. Maybe you forgot that, but i didn't.

On a much lighter note, an eyebrow-raising event occured yesterday when I was in the bus interchange. This lady in her mid-30s came up to me and saw me using my cell. She asked if I could do her a favour and send a text for her. Naturally, I obliged not knowing the content of the message she intended to send.

"Robin, I'm left with ten dollars. I take money from my parents but now they want me take it from someone else or to look for a job, whatever job i is. But I don't feel well so I'm resting for a while and looking after the child. Because we must give John John cash everyday, how? I'm not crazy. You are enjoying now and also eat good food. I have only eaten one fruit the whole day because I gave the child all the cash. I will fetch John John later and he will call you tomorrow. What business are you doing? We have been together for eighteen years, why are you treating me this way?"

I was intending to have a nice long nap in the 45 minute bus journey after my tennis training and guess what? I was Uncle Agony for the whole journey throughout because she squeezed next to me and started pouring out her troubles like a loudspeaker to this 18 year old kid who knows nuts about marital issues. The folks on the bus glared at me in curiosity - they must have thought it was insane seeing a middle-aged lady talking to a kid about marriage problems. But anyway, to this lady wherever she is, if your issues are credible, then I hope that you find a light at the end of your tunnel.

For Dad

"Honour your father and mother...that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Ephesians 6:2-3

I am flawed with my imperfections but I know you will never neglect your duties as a father. We've been through countless of rough patches and stinging nettles. I've breached the 5th commandmant upteen times. I've been rebuked by you my whole life. All these negativity makes it seem as if Father's Day itself is a redundant celebration. But, I'm fully aware of the numerous sacrifices you've made for me. How you would scrimp on yourself to make my life any time more luxurious than yours. I thank you for that wholeheartedly, and I'm sorry for the letdowns. All's said and done, its your special day now. Happy father's day, dad.

And to my other father in heaven, it is through Your presence that my insignificant life is made possible. You are a father to all creation and on behalf of mankind, Happy father's day. I would exchange all of me for all of You.



Food for thought : Hypocrisy
A hypocrite is someone who is pretending, who is playing a role to impress others than being real, not living by his convictions and pretending in order to fit in. Now that's deep, something worth pondering over.

Impression

It's been a while. Emerge Conference 2006's Parade of School was a remarkable experience and I'm definitely honoured to have been a part of it. I vividly recall it being a fine and dandy thursday, I had nothing on in my schedule and thus decided to follow Gary for a POS practice held at the stadium. Participating in it was a far cry from being the first on my list. I can safely say that it has been my utmost priviledge to be part of 2006's POS jc cluster and I look forward to being a part of the next year's jc cluster, just that this time, I would sign up on my own accord.

So the block tests are approximately a month from now and let's see what "progress" I have made so far. Apart from math tuition and the pathetic holiday lessons in school, I have been bumming around, getting caught up in the swirls of the World Cup. If you must know, it is the french and the samba magicians that I'm rooting for. I do have a burning question though - Where are the Greeks and Danes? In the previous Euro Cup, the Greeks shocked the soccer world and stole the limelight from the home-ground Portugese . The Danes have a relatively decent footballing history. Apparently, World Cup newbies Australia and the US have managed to qualify for the finals. I would be completely enthralled to see how far they would go.

In a way, I entrusted the public with the opportunity to tag in a civilised and professional manner but as usual, the world is an ugly place. I am not the least offended by personal attacks or snide remarks whatsoever because I know, such have yet to seek salvation. Although I find it hard to fathom how some can run their mouth without linking it to brain cells, I choose to remain indifferent and forgive the dysfunctional and intellectually challenged. You have my utmost sympathy and I hope your endeavours in life are blessed and positive.

Oh and p.s, the next time, perchance we meet, it'll be delightful to know if you've learnt how to differentiate between a fake louis vuitton and the real deal. Its really embarrassing to get some facts wrong on the world wide web, thank god you remained anonymous, I'd be appalled to know the truths behind the masquerade.

May the devil in you subside through the wonders of Him

Eclipse

Are jc friends merely fair-weathered friends whom you sluggishly spend the next 2 years of your youth with? And after the major exams, bid farewell and disappear into the mists of obscurity? It'll be comforting to know if there was anyone out there who begs to differ.

Different walks of life, we come together as if planned, in a school which figuratively, is considered our second home until graduation. The bonds are weak and frail, easily-succumbed to destruction. Too many different ideologies, too little people with broad perspectives.

Then there are the hypocrites. Truth is, everyone practises hypocrisy to a certain extent despite how 'angelic' the person might seem to be. They smile endearingly at you with exuberant waves as if they have been waiting to catch a glimpse of your priceless face for decades, then later, disdainfully make cynical, rile and snide comments which could possibly have a slandering effect on you. The ironic part is that you learn of their actual perception of you less than a day later.

Next are the self-centered fuckers who refuse to 'bend the rules' or share their notes with you only to save their sorry ass at the end of the day. They have the worst amateur excuses when being approached for help. What's hilarious is, how they invest all their effort in striving ridiculously hard academically, only to have some smarty pants effortlessly beat them at their own game.

Lastly, you have the immature juveniles assuming that they know-it-all. They lack all form of professionalism in attempting to convey a message across to their desired recipient. Instead, they reform to using methods like making comments based on absolutely no proper grounds whatsoever, and glare at you in angst, hoping to initiate an uncivil dogfight. This makes me ponder, how did some people even end up in jc? Cream of the crop in the society? Exaggeratedly overrated. Its more ballocks from the backside than cells from the brain.

Retrospectively, my few months in yj has been a turbulent ride. You should see the kind of characters we have down here. I'd give anything for the indelible experience, and yet, at the same time, give anything to pass.

Crooked souls tryin' to stay up straight, dry ice in the pourin' rain.

Fact or Fiction

For someone like myself who takes an interest in astrology...

Your True Love Is a Sagittarius

Why you'll love a Sagittarius: Deep and philosophical, you'll love getting lost in hours of conversation with your Sag. Your Sagittarius is curious and adventurous enough to keep you interested... not an easy task! Why a Sagittarius will love you: You're passionate about a few important issues, a kind of depth that Sagittarius finds very attractive. You're outgoing, flexible, and up for almost anything. You and your Sag will have tons of adventures together.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Take the quiz, and you might be appalled at the result just like I am now.

M:I:4

Of all the shit that happens, yj's promotional criteria has to be tougher than others. Daily work is being taken into account too - I'm more than screwed. I honestly can't recall when was the last time I genuinely sat down to complete a given assignment. I'm not leaving the rickety ol' place at the ancient age of 20.

There is an exorbitant amount of assholes out there and its just my luck I meet about half of the douchebags in my school. Its disheartening to be aware of the snide remarks blatantly being made even when you're in the perimeter. What are the intentions? Is there some hidden agenda that I'm not aware of? Or maybe, ironically, the school isn't giving enough assignments to slavedrive these fuckers to fatigue. Get real and desist being prudes, you're still greenhorns to life, we all are.

Had I known earlier, I would have wanted out. Jc cost me my life with you. No doubt, I've made quality friendships and gained some invaluable experience, but you're not on the same track with me. We've swerved to different lanes of the road and as much as I try to deter the inevitable outcome, time restraints me. The days act as a catalyst, as you slowly fade into oblivion. From someone of great importance, I have been degraded to an angsty enemy of yours that you cannot wait to exterminate. 5 days. The deadline draws near. I have yet to prove any concrete evidence of my efforts to pick the pieces up. Suddenly, the world seems to revolve around at a rapid velocity. I can't keep up if you refuse to wait for me.