The moment our family became five.
Today is National Adoption Day. This month is National Adoption Month. Would you believe that I have been trying to write this post for three weeks? Well, believe it. :) Giving words to something that has changed our lives so much and that has given us the greatest gift and love feels nearly impossible. We'll give it a whirl.
Infertility is frustrating. Infertility is isolating. Infertility feels hopeless. For so many years of our marriage, it was a part of our lives. It was the heavy weight on our shoulders. It was the inconquerable challenge that we'd been handed. No matter how much we researched, prayed, or treated, it was winning. We'd had a victory with Milo and Isabel, but it seemed like that would be our only one. The baby that we both felt so strongly was supposed to complete our family, was not going to be born from my body.
I don't know that we will ever forget the moment that we both knew and agreed that adoption was the route we were meant to take. We were facing the decision; pursue much more aggressive infertility treatment or pursue adoption. We agreed to take a few days to think on it, pray on it, and think on it some more. No talking to each other about it. Then, a few days later, we both agreed. Adoption.
And it felt good. It felt right. It felt like..."of course". It was something that I think, on some level, we both always knew we would do. We already knew the joys that adoption could bring--and the heartache. One of the women we respect and love most in this world had chosen adoption for her son. We were now about to be the family on the other side of that choice.
Mounds of paperwork. "Please map out your fire extinguishers" and "How would you rate your satisfaction with your marriage on a scale of 1-4" were just the beginning. Interviews, fingerprints, background checks, more paperwork and payments. At times, it all threatened to overshadow the end reward. A baby. Our baby. Waiting to enter our family through the most selfless decision a person or persons could make.
And, after 13 birthmoms and one very painful heartbreak, we were chosen. One year after we started the process. One year after we made the decision. A birthmom had chosen us. And a few weeks later. Keeler.
Walking through the hospital room door, was indescribable. Spencer saw Keeler for the first time and thought, "Yes. This is him. This is the baby we were meant to have.". I saw D, our birthmom, and though "Yes. This is her. This is the woman we were meant to share this with.". It's something that I don't know if I can truly explain--we just knew. The connection between us and Keeler and D was greater and deeper and more spiritual than anything we'd ever experienced or thought we would experience.
And now, today, it's as though he's always been here. It's as though we've always known D. Our finalization and sealing ceremony just put a cap on it all.
When I look at Keeler, I am overwhelmed at the joy he has brought to our family. Overwhelmed by the healing that he has made possible for us. For her. I am brought to tears to think that Isabel and Milo once were not big brother and big sister to this crazy little monkey.
D made a decision that was difficult beyond description. She made a decision that was gut-wrenching and so huge that she really wasn't sure she could do it until she did it. She continues to say that she knows she made the right decision. That, although she misses him and is so very sad at times, she feels incredible joy that he is with us. She feels that he was a gift from God--one that was meant to be raised in our family but one that was meant to help her heal and meant to bring us all together as an extended family. Our respect and love for her are so deep that they defy description. Truly.
This baby is the result of something that many think is "old-fashioned" or unrealistic in this day and age. They are so wrong. Adoptions are not just something that happens across continental lines or something that happens if a home is broken and kids are removed. Adoption is a beautiful choice that made our family complete. Adoption defines our family and adoption is a huge part of D's life and family.
Today, we will be even more reflective and grateful for what we have been given.
Want to read our original post about Keeler's placement? Go here.
Want to check our adoption website? Go here.
Want to check out other prospectice adoptive families? Go here.
Know a family who is waiting to adopt? Give 'em a link! On your blog, on Facebook...the more exposure, the better!
So much joy.
Aaahhh, I made it too easy didn't I?