mad anna

miss anna choo is sitting here at my table pigging out on my lovely box of chocolate biscuits! and incidentally she is not going to visit me on friday because i'm SOOOO irritating (btw, anna typed that - she's schizo!). also, im very fond of sending anna's brother psycho messages on her phone and sniggering to myself (anna typed this too!). ok this entry is going to be sooo retarded cos anna's adding her two cent's worth! which is full of rubbish! =P to be exact, e bits tt i typed will be sooo retarded cos anna's outstanding wit and eloquence will overshadow my paltry attempts at insulting her. boo hoo hoo.

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sian-ness is taking over me..

it's the feeling of emptiness..

sometimes i ask myself if i'm satisfied with my life so far..

other times i ask myself why i'm not like someone else..

i can't wait for today to end, so that tmr will bring with it new joys and hopes!

anyway, it's only the start of the 2nd term, and i'm only going to stop teaching at the end of the term.. 9 more weeks.. sometimes i wish that time would pass by faster..

finally posting again

a lot things in our christian lives is based on faith - we don't for sure that Jesus rose again, but it is the only plausible reason, and by faith we believe it! we don't know for sure if God exists, cos we can't see Him, but again, by faith, we believe that He does!

faith - it's something that really is hard for non-christians to comprehend.. and i guess that's why many people find it hard to accept that a God actually exists..

u know how we christians always believe that God has a plan for us? well, someone just made fun of it this morning on msn (of which i got really irritated!) anyway, he asked another person what is he going to with his life (i deduced that it's cos that person's still single)? anyway, before the other person could answer, he replied saying that oh God has a plan for u and sth to the extent that u just have to trust in Him.. urgh! it's so irritating that he just blatantly used that sentence! i mean, what's the point of saying that when u don't even mean it right??

and well, last week in school i was helping out with the appeal stuff, and there are so many unreasonable people, parents all sounding as if they are the greatest people on earth, and that their kid should be given a place to study in ac! what nonsense! those people really just gets on ur nerves! haha someone said that mothers are so irritating that he doesn't want to find a wife next time! =P and some people are plan weird! they put for eg, jc A as their first choice, got posted to jc A and they were in jc A for the first 3 months, and yet, they want to appeal to ac.. what kind of logic is that? of cos ac won't take them lah! unless they're some son of george bush or sth =P haha

anyway, this week the j1s are having an "only-lecture-week" which means there's no tutorial lessons! =) hmm something nice to look forward to i guess..

jubilation

hurray! it's my second last day of work at cocoa trees (at the airport) *JUBILATION*

haha and i never want to work there again! can literally feel brains rotting!

medicine or speech therapy

medicine or speech therapy? this is the question i've been asking myself these few days as i submitted my aus uni applications..

really, i truly cannot decide which one i want to study.. both has it's pros and cons.. sometimes i wonder if i study med cos it just seems the natural path for a triple science student, that when u've done well for ur A levels, everyone just assumes that u're smart in science and well, med would be good! sometimes i wonder why i want to do med - is it for my personal glory? or is this what God wants me to do?

as i did quiet time yesterday (eh grace, i did my qt! =P), it reminded me that we shouldn't be caught up in achieving our personal goals that we fail to listen to God.. i guess, the only way is really to just pray to God and ask Him.. i know many people are confused as to what to do with their lives.. it's scary just thinking of it cos once u've made ur decision now (at 19), u'll more or less be doing the course and career that u've chosen for the rest of ur life.. and what if i make the wrong decision? what if i choose med and flung out halfway? and what if i can't get into any med sch? sigh.. questions after questions just haunts me =/ it's not that i'm being pessimistic and all, but it's just the reality that i think i'm going to face.. and not everything is going to be so smooth-sailing and happy in the future..

and i was just thinking of overseas study.. i think if i do go, i really am going to miss everything and everyone here at home in singapore.. my family-who's been there for me in moments of happiness and sadness (well, they're the first i called to tell abt my results), as well as tolerating all my tantrums and nonsense.. my friends-whom i've always loved! i can't imagine what i'm going to do without all my friends, they're ppl who i complain to abt other ppl =P, ppl who i ask questions abt stuff when i'm in doubt, and ppl who're just fun to be with! and of cos, my bed and my stuff toys and my room.. i'm going to miss all these things..

....what the heck, i'm not even 10% sure that i'm going overseas to study.. and i'm already thinking abt these things/ppl and missing them already.. sigh what if the day actually comes when i have to leave spore to go overseas to study..........

let that day come (or not come), till then, i'll just enjoy!

thank u..

just came back home and i'm so tired from all the laughing and suaning! i really laughed so hard till i cried! urgh! and i tell u, after spending the afternoon and evening with some of my classmates, i realise that i have only ONE friend in class!! =( and that ONE single friend is a friend only because he sides with underdogs! i really felt sooo loved man! thank u yl april anna marc ben!! yl - for ignoring me thanx! april - for spreading false rumours thanx! anna - u were the nicest today thanx! (but u realise that everything is really only relative!!) marc - for encouraging the rest to talk more nonsense abt me thanx! ben - for trying to side with me thanx! see, i'm still so forgiving and nice! woah!

haha anyway, went for lunch with my classmates and some of our teachers at traders hotel! wow! the portions were super huge! lucky april and i were smart enough and we shared one portion =P (that's all the compliment u're getting btw =P) haha it was quite hilarious during lunch cos ian said that malini was going to treat us along with the other teachers.. so eh, we were discussing how to settle the bill in from of the teachers.. and were like "wpb or tpb" - we pay bill or teachers pay bill!=P haha i didn't come up with this retarded thing btw..

so some of us went to watch robots after lunch and it was really funny! and it was really sweet how the show said sth like, u can shine no matter what u're made of.. well, it's just so true! whatever talents God has given to us, and how He has made us, we must always use what He has given us to SHINE for His glory! =)

i find that i'm blogging very useless stuff now.. maybe i should just stop for a while and maybe find a new enthusiasm in blogging.. oh well.. =\

just a thought

life is really short..

and we should treasure all our love ones..

but what matters most is that we've led a life pleasing to God and no one else! that we've led a life that's God-like..

just a thought..

haha i've just finished my psc essay (well 99% done lah!!) and sent my email to mdm to write my testimonial.. and i feel terribly happy now! =) haha a load off my shoulders!! =) hurray!

and i want to thank a few people for helping me with my psc essay and my "why i want to do medicine" question! (though it's useless but i am extremely happy now i just feel like thanking people!)

diane (ur fav colour =P) thanx for making crap sound so intelligent! i'll rem the "romanticised" ambition in my interview.. though i def won't explicitly say "romanticised"!
fish thanx for providing sanity even when there's none! =P haha i know i'm not making sense, but since when did i ever make sense to begin with?!
inkling (i know it's NOT ur fav colour but it goes well with purple and blue =P) anyway, thanx for being a genius! u know why lah! hahaha!
april for constantly reminding me to "DO UR PSC ESSAY!!" haha! =)

thanx thanx to all these wonderful people! don't think i've missed anyone out right? haha oh yah i want to thank myself! for without me, all the intelligent crap wouldn't be in the essay =P

sitting here in the staff room on the 2nd last day of sch (cos it's founder's day on fri and there'll be no lessons) and feeling very sian now.. it's amazing how time is passing by so quickly that i don't even have a moment to take a step back and reflect on my past 3 months.. the life of a teacher isn't that exciting for me anymore, i guess the novelty of the whole teaching experience for me has worn out.. it's more like a job now i feel.. i know i def don't have the passion to become a teacher.. it's hard! and i've got to admit it.. i have no idea how my teachers survived our class.. i mean, when i walk into a class who's so disinterested in learning and doing their work, how am i going to be all so passionate and enthusiastic? it's just so hard!

*home*

anyway, now that i'm not going to teach the 4 classes anymore for the next term, i felt a little sad as i said my goodbyes to some of the classes.. though they were definitely far from being angels in class, but i guess i'll still miss them.. i'm really looking forward to the one week break and using that time to catch up on rest.. and hopefully i'll be able to store up some energy for the term ahead! heh

well, i've got to finish up a lot of marking tonight and tmr morn cos tmr's the last day of teaching for this term! =) i think i'm really quite happy! and now i must sit down and write my psc essay =\ sigh i'm so lazy!

at the threshold of the future

why why why??

why is everything so uncertain now? i really have no idea what to do..

being human beings, we can easily deceive ourselves into things without even knowing it so we need to be careful about things like "God told me blah blah blah". The only sure place that God speaks is through His Word.

through this long process of deciding what to do, God will never give you quick fix answers.. we wish He can just send us a letter or give us a ring and tell us to do this-and-this course at where-and-where but it's not going to happen. I guess the most important question you have to ask yourself first is what are you seeking? Him? or are there other things that you're pursuing

and you may not acknowledge it immediately so we need to keep reading His word and praying, so that the Holy Spirit can speak to us through the bible and draw us closer to Him. It doesn't matter what you choose to do or where you go really.. God isn't limited by our circumstances.. He cares more about our motivations and heart
-(stole from a conversation with april on msn)

med or speech therapy? i keep asking myself and God the same question.. i can apply for both and end up not getting either, then what am i supposed to do? i never felt so scared in my life.. suddenly i see my whole life before me, waiting to be filled with "things".. and i don't know the "things" that God has in plan for me.. what if the sign that i think is from God is just something coincidental? how am i supposed to know? well like what april said, it's only through prayer and the reading of His word!

(i heard this song at the mg bookfair thing today) and in this time when i'm so unsure of what to do, this song just came into mind again.. the first verse really reminded me again that my future is really in His hands!

Your Word is a light unto my path

Your Love guides me through my darkest night

And even though sometimes Your ways

I cannot understand

I’ll never walk away because my future’s

In Your hands

I don’t care what people will say

I’m running after You

I won’t turn back and go their way

Coz I’m running after You

Yeah I’m running after You

I’m running after You(I will run to You)

I don’t care what people will say

I’m running after You

I won’t turn back and go their way

Coz I’m running after You

Don’t matter what may come my way

I’m running after youIt’s You

I’m following today

I’m running after You

I’m running after You

woah! my class did sooo well for As! =) we had all distinctions for gp (20 A1s and 3 A2s), all As for math and phy! woah! i'm still quite ecstatic over how my class did overall! all of us got to go on stage! which means we all scored at least 3As in the A-level subjects! =) first time in the history of acjc has the whole class gone on stage to receive the results! and it was a really great feeling to know that we've done "exceedingly well"! i've never expected myself or the class to do so well.. we all thought we were the "stupid bunch of scones" cos we never ever performed in all our tests and exams.. but well, we did it!! =) i'm sooo proud of my class!! and haha, ian said this, "we're actually quite clever!!" =P sooo funny!

well, i walked into the staff room this morn with a very scared look on my face and i bet the teachers were laughing cos they knew my class did very very well! and i've never saw mdm (malini) sooo happy before in my 2 yrs in acjc! woah!

haha and i've got an expected ungraded for bio s! =P

i must really really thank God for my results! u know, i was looking through my past results, and my highest grade for gp in acjc was only a B4.. and i failed my prelims (D7 then moderated to C6), now i've got A1! =) wow! it certainly came from the Lord, i would def not have been able to do it by myself! i was sooo surprised at my gp grade! and i got A for bio! (from D in prelims to A!) well, the Lord has really blessed our class! and i hope that we'll all really rem this day in yrs to come, and may it serve as a constant reminder that God is forever faithful!! and thanx to our teachers (malini, dk, loo, kuna, pang!) too who certainly sacrificed time for us to go to them for consultation.. they've constantly nagged at us, telling us to work hard to the end, helping each other along, and i'm glad it paid off! =) haha i think i need to thank my classmates too for their help! i know i always ask very retarded questions, but thanx for answering them anyway! =) love you guys!!!

i can't help but think that if i went to like rj or hc and gotten 6 distinctions there, would i still be so happy and having the whole college and class to celebrate with? probably no right? =P i'll just be another one of those "commoners" who didn't do well enough! heh

so congrats to everyone!! =) we survived 2 yrs of jc and survived the horrendous As exams! =P let's move on in life with the assurance that God has a plan for us! always have faith in the Lord! =)

went out for dinner with april anna and pooja and it was quite a fun time! =) ate strawberry cheesecake ice-cream! and now i'm pigging out on the meiji choc covered jelly thing! urgh! i realise that i'm really super nonsense today! =P

anyway, it's sooo fast! the day is only tmr! and the whole of today i was just really sooo sian! had no mood to do anything what-so-ever, and prob got irritated by the slightest of things (except the times when i went a bit insane =P). urgh! sooo many stupid and funny and energy-draining things happened today but i'm too sian to talk about it now.. anna and april both said i look quite stressed out about the results! urgh! i am i guess.. better not talk so much about results except that the verse, JEREMIAH 29:11 has served as a constant reminder for me that God holds the blueprint of my life in His hands! it's through Him that i find my comfort and shelter! let's all give thanks to the Lord when we get our results tmr.. for He deserves all honour and glory! =)

i suddenly felt like saying this..
to all my classmates anna april yl pooja megha suai sarah abi ben ks ian kenneth marc simian zhiwei michael benedict sam jeremy brandon aaron yuehan i'm going to miss all of you!! thanx for making the class sooo special! and though all of us are unique and different, it's amazing that we bonded quite well with each other! and never let our scone spirit die! =)

nervous!

sigh i'm sitting here in the staff room trying to type out stuff and the feeling of nervousness is inevitable! i never felt so uncertain about my results ever! imagine, in pri 6, i wasn't even in singapore to receive my results was happily holidaying in china! =P and in sec 4, i knew i was going to get A1s in most of my subjects (barring english and combined humanities). but now, i really have no idea how i had fare in the A levels. it's easy to tell people not to worry, but i really find it difficult to even believe in what i say myself!

scone rocks!

"after the As ah, i think i prob won't see my whole class tog ever again!" - fish

i actually think this sentence applies to my class.. u know after the As exams and everything, when we stopped going to school, it made me wonder whether my class was in fact that close.. i feel quite sad thinking that this fri might actually be the last time that i'll see my whole class tog! (how ironic!!) but it kind of makes sense.. even if we're going to have class parties and gatherings, people are going to be overseas studying, some are going to be in army and some others probably too busy to come.. sigh, it's quite sad! and even this fri, the whole class might not be there! (cos pooja might not come right? =\) sooo let's all make an effort to turn up for future gatherings cos scone rocks! =)

and the scone grand juniors didn't do that well as a class for Os results, there were a few 8 pointers.. they are sooo nice and funny people, i really hope they can stay tog as a class! cos their class dynamics is really good and it'll be such a waste for them to be split up! =
anyway, i went back to mg today and the school feels sooo foreign.. they have this new science lab block which looks sooo out of place! (in my opinion!) and urgh, it's still renovating, so the school's sooo hot and stuffy! met and talked to some of the teachers today and well, some really aged over 2 yrs =P while most others are still really nice to have a conversation with! =)

yikes, shall stop talking about results and school and everything! =\ u know how after u've worked for a period of time, that u'll realise that work is not all about money? well, that's what i found out too! and hmm, but my parents (who've been in the working age for a much longer period of time) obviously don't understand that i cannot tahan mundane and boring jobs! where i have to stone ard and do nothing.. they said "just stone at the work place and collect money lah!" wow it's sooo easy man =\ aiyah, told them that money's just a reward for working hard, and at the end of the day if i'm going to dread going to work, i see no point in working anyway! what for waste my time! hmph! =P

just in case i've got blur friends, As results are quite confirmed out this fri =\

I know the plans i have for you

Oh, I know the plans I have for you,

I know them very well

They’re plans for you to prosper

And harmlessly to dwell

For I planned these plans so long ago

You were a twinkle in my eye

So, why on earth would I let you down?

You’re the apple of my eye!

When I called into creation

The stars, the sea, the sky

When I dearly loved each one of you

That I came to earth to die

When I walked the dusty Calvary Road

I had YOU on my mind

I wrote you clearly in my Script

And my future’s great design

Sometimes, you just can’t see, my child

Just around the bend

The glory that awaits you

In the blowin’ of MY wind

So, stay the course, step by step

Holding tightly to my hand

I’ll never, ever let you go

I’ll guide you through this land.

=)