sighs.
sometimes pinning too much hopes on anything or anyone
will just land you in greater disappointment.
iamstillhopingiwontbedisappointed.

♥ you and i both loved

i've moved to a secret location. =)) only authorised personnel are welcomed! try ur luck in askin me for my new blog add! and those who are successful in doing so. please keep it a secret, dont link me either! thanks! =)

♥ you and i both loved

If I Don't Tell You Now

I've kept it inside for the longest time

And I can't keep keeping in

All this love that is in my heart

Maybe it's safer not to say I care

Maybe this road won't lead me anywhere

But



If I don't tell you now

I may never get the chance again

To tell you that I need you

Tell you what I'm feeling

If I keep these feelings in

And if I don't say the words

How will you hear what's inside in my heart

How will you know baby, if I don't tell you now


I'd give anything to be in your dreams

And I can't stand standing by

With this dream locked inside my heart

Maybe I'm only gonna make a mistake

And there's a chance maybe my heart will break, but



How will you know you're inside my soul

Oh it's driving me crazy

'Coz you don't see

You're the world to me

I'm so afraid to say the way that I feel, and


If I don't tell you now

I may never get the chance again

To tell you that I need you

Tell you what I'm feeling

If I keep these feelings in

And if I don't say the words

How will you hear what's inside my heart

How will you know baby, if I don't tell you, if I


If I don't tell you now

How will you hear what's inside my heart

How will you know baby

If I don't tell you now

♥ you and i both loved

ooh. today i was the first one in the office. how cool. -.-"
did the same thing as i do on previous days. put down my bag, then take out my breakfast,
go upstairs and make a cuppa tea. come down and eat then start work. but to my despair, i couldnt even finish half of my bread..

then came lunch. i had a bowl of ban mian. i only ate 1/5th of it. so wasted. i just had no appetite to eat. sighs. about half an hour after i got back to the office, i felt really giddy and threw up once. then i tried to carry on with my work. but my stomach was already so pain.

i threw up another time.
and another time.
and another time.

aiyo. felt super horrible. super giddy and super headache. and very weak. i just couldnt think at all. i was just stoning all the way.. trying to act busy.. but my head was just preventing me from dong anything and everything i had to do.

finally it was 615, and i left on the dot. thanks to Jo,Mag,Ivy & Wy who were so concerned bout me during work.. hehe.. =) i went to the docs. and for the 948745987q53482th time, i'm down with gastric flu again! again ehs!

i feel so weak and tired.. i think i will go snooze for a little while.. just a little while..

♥ you and i both loved

hmm." sometimes its just impossible to forget your ....... " reads the back of my book.
work was tiring and long. almost impossible to get through with a tired mind and a weak body.
i dont want to be like this. i barely survived the hours before lunch. i remember scurrying quietly to the washroom to regain some composure of myself. simply out of control. the music that played over the radio was not helping.. lunch was where i forced a few mouthfuls of my meal into my stomach. i didnt touch my breakfast one bit. drank a sip of coffee and froze under the aircon. my fingers rattled away on the keyboard while my mind drifted to the familiar place which used to emit comfort.

i wanted to find a spot. a spot where i could stop and comprehend all thats been happening. i searched desperately for one while trying to contain the outburst in me. somehow, i alighted at novena. and i walked staring at the ground without any constructive thoughts. i only looked up when i came to a road junction. i found myself at the place that could give me the ultimate solace and comfort for the soul. i walked up the huge stone steps and into the main sanctuary. i found a secluded spot and fell to my knees. for almost an hour i talked to Him. somehow, something led me back to You. and i know You will lead me out of this emotional turmoil. sighs.

the persuasion caught my eye. and i bought it almost instantly. difficult read i must say, but challenging.

sighs. i almost. really almost. but sighs. shoots.

♥ you and i both loved

hmm. so kek sim. liverpool so sway.
my eyes closing le. it only happens once in a while though.

i...































got nothing to say.
i feel like ending my bloggin hobby forever.
i...














still got nothing to say.

♥ you and i both loved

i just watched the notebook for the 348389473249872347824th time. and i cried this one time. great. i'm going to cry at any sad shows i'm going to watch. something's wrong with my tear ducts. i used to laugh or show no emotion at sad parts. i'm becoming a monster.

emotional i am getting, burning questions in my heart i have many.
very different things they are ; wanting to know the truth and knowing the truth.
what would it have been; i cant help but wonder.
to understand things that are beyond my understanding is frustrating.
slap me back into reality. everything's so blur.
i.. wish. im wishing. and i wished.

i am such a bother to myself. i slept less than 4 hours last night. ha. please dont ask me if im ok ok? because, i am ok, and im not ok. it depends on what you want to hear.


ngoh m hoh yi sik, mm tak fän,ngoh sàm hou tung, nei yau mo ngoi ngoh.......? hou naan ming nor.. hai. ngoh m pat hou guo, lei ji mah...? ngoh hou seung hoi..

♥ you and i both loved

hmms. wow. never knew church could be so powerful. i went with a weary heart. i came out with a more or less recharged one. so many things are just beyond one's control. so whats all the talk about having one's destiny is in one's own hands? i dont get it one bit. not a single bit.

hmms. i kept looking out for things that maybe telling me signs. somehow the message i did not get clearly, and i continue to try to digest some incomprehensible stuff. ha.

jm, thanks for callin me last night.. =) really appreciate it. next week we shall camp at either ur place or weiling place and talk and talk..

blah blah blah blah. results are crap. crap crap crap. passed all but all crap. crap crap. crap!!!! sighs. zz. jay's ting ma ma de hua is irritating.

i cant listen to jay's songs. i get more depressed. ha.











asmilecannolongerlastformorethan3secondsonmyfaceidontfeellikeeatingandicantsleep
wadshappeningtomewadshappeningtomeicrywheneverandwhereverihatethisstupidme.
ahahahahaha.imcrazyplskillmekillme.killmekillme.hahahaha. imnuts. yea everybody say it with me. im nuts!

♥ you and i both loved

what a night.
i met up with my dearest pals. but i left after a while. miss them loads. so she bu de.. but i'll meet up for gz's bdae ok?

hmms.

i was reminded of this song this morning when i was staring at the ceiling of my bedroom thinking..

God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me.
He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side,
with love and strength for each new day, He will make a way, He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me,
and rivers in the deserts will i see
heaven and earth will fade, but His word will still remain.
He will do something new day... He'll make a way...

____________________

hmm. ifeellike.

♥ you and i both loved

oo. i love my fwens! aha (must say in act cute voice).
its good to find people who listen with their ears open. =)
msOOHMINICOOPER and msEEEHHEHEHEHEHE..

its friday tml. its going to make me very happy or v sad.
im going to start tml.

OOOOoo.. lanyard.. HAHA. -.-"

♥ you and i both loved

hmms. i've got work to do. i think this task is going to take an entire week. a whole year's worth of cheques to be verified and entered into the system.. but while i was doing the entries, the WONDERFUL client dropped by the office and gave us MORE of his reciepts and invoices for the past year.. OMG. so i had to put my task on hand on hold, and go tally and match the reciepts that just got in. and because of these new reciepts, i got to re open the stuff i finished for the months of jan to feb.. ZZZ! and guess what, i only finished matching 5 month's worth of invoices and reciepts from 3- 6pm.. i got like another 7 more months to go tomorrow.. haha. and after i do that. i wil get back to my 5 files of paper and one laptop. for one figure, i got to trace like so many different components that make up that amount... SO TEDIOUS!!

hmms. anyway. its going to be soon. soon i guess. haha. hmms. oh oh..

hmms. maybe. maybe not.


________________________________________________

♥ you and i both loved

ee. i cant log onto MSN. and that really sucks. argh. sad. zz. anyways, im sleepy. i'm going to MIA from being online for sometime because im getting my com repaired soon.. so bu she de to part with my dearest laptop..

hmms. it was a busy busy day for me. and im GLAD! woo. but now im quite worried bout the journal enrties. hehe. dr and cr.. HAHA. my weakest part in accounts.. its wierd that im glad to do that now. MYOB... haha. oh man.. im so rusty! woo. DIE MAN. i made such a bad mistake! zz. and its such a fundamental mistake. dr bank cr trade debtors. zz!

hmms. no msn tonight.
guys, u can try going to www.meebo.com and log onto msn.. yes...
zz.
tomorrow is tuesday. how fun. maybe i might go shopping? or not? i wana go check out the adidas bag i saw..

getwellsoonsamoscookie! =p

---
imu.

♥ you and i both loved

zz. i think im so blur! AHH. haha. shit. so paiseh.

♥ you and i both loved

i am in absolutely no mood to watch soccer tonight. not because liverpool lost.
jm, we'll be here for each other yea?
i kinda know what the answer will be, but i know, i must hear it with my own ears.
because, even then, im not sure if i will be able to forget.
i get depressed when night falls.
simply because, i know why.
i have the solution to the problem.
but. the reality of the harsh truth deters me from seeking it.
im afraid of what the truth may be, or what i may project it to be.
i feel so frustrated. i feel so confused.
i dont get it.
i know what i want.
now that i've got the opportunity,
i want to treasure it. but im afraid to lose everything of it forever.
i dont know which is harder.
accepting the sordid truth after so long, or losing everything i ever looked forward to.
my mind is a whirlpool.
i cant contain it for much longer.
i know i cant. its demolishing me into pieces through this painstaking process, that even a lifetime's too short for its completion..
i wonder why God made life so hard? why cant everything end happily ever after?
what is his purpose? i just wonder.
my head's spinning. im going to rest.
i lost my appetite. i've lost my motivation. i've lost interest in things that meant alot to me.
i cant do anything without thoughts popping and hogging my mind.
i feel so drained. i feel so.
so.
its going to be monday. =((((



sighs.
----------------------------
jm,
iguessbestpalssharethesamehappinessandwoes.
icanfullyunderstandhowyou'refeelingrightnow.
butstaystrong.iwilltrytotoo.
jiayou.iknowitwontbeeasy,butiknowneitheroneofuswillbegoingthroughthisalone...
ithinkthatwegottothankGodfor?=)

♥ you and i both loved

too disgusted to speak. yucks. once a liar, forever a liar.
YOU will never change. OH. IM NOT MENTIONING NAMES EH. MAYBE IM REFERING TO YOU?

OH BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT YOU WONT TELL ANYONE. AND OH YA. THE NEXT DAY, YOU ANNOUCED IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD. I DUN CARE WHAT SHITTY REASONS YOU THINK YOU TOLD THE WORLD FOR. BUT TO ME, THE FACT THAT YOU TOLD SOMEONE ELSE, IS DISGUSTING ENOUGH TO MAKE ME DETEST EVEN THE SOUND OF UR NAME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

UR FACE JUS IRKS ME. BECAUSE, I DONT SEE A FACE, I SEE A LIAR. SOMETHING THAT HAS NO HEART NOR BRAIN. BECAUSE YOU JUST WANA HAVE SOME FUN EH?

OH YAR. IM NOT MENTIONING NAMES! SO THIS IS ALRIGHT EH? SO. EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG, WHO DO YOU THINK IM TALKING ABOUT?

OH, IT MAY NOT BE THE SO OBVIOUS PERSON IM SO PISSED WITH. BUT SOMEONE ELSE! OOOH. WHAT A LOUSY DEFENSE STORY YOU GUYS WILL SAY.

PUT FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE, AND WHEN CONFRONTED, I GIVE THE STUPIDIEST EXCUSES EVEN THE DUMBEST PERSON IN THE WORLD CANT THINK OFF.

SO GO LET UR CONSCIENCE HAUNT YOU EVERYTIME U STARE IN THE MIRROR. YUCKS.

♥ you and i both loved

should i or should i not?

risk everything. for one thing- to know the truth?

worth it?

im scared.

because, i have a bad feeling.

zero confidence.

and a very tired heart.

=( sighs.





Hermann Hesse:

You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.

true?? perhaps.

♥ you and i both loved

im nuts.
i am going nuts.
i cant stand to sit in the office and listen to ah pek music for hours unending.
the worst part of it is that the person who's playing the music is singing along to it.
ok. the most annoying part is that she cant sing.
so its really very irritaing.


zzz.
miss miss miss miss!

stay tuned to find out. -.-"

♥ you and i both loved

im nuts.
i am going nuts.
i cant stand to sit in the office and listen to ah pek music for hours unending.
the worst part of it is that the person who's playing the music is singing along to it.
ok. the most annoying part is that she cant sing.
so its really very irritaing.


zzz.
miss miss miss miss!

stay tuned to find out. -.-"

♥ you and i both loved

imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
sighs.



imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
imiss.
i am trying to hold onto something I know I eventually have to let go off.
i dont know how to let go.
if i did.
i wouldnt be in the state i am in now.
impreparedtoacceptalljusttobwu.
iduncareabtthepastalliwantisthefuture.
ihatemyselfforbeingsogutless.
argh.
iwiljumpoffabuildingsoonenough.maybethecaltextower.
ifeelsoshitty.sodunstopme.

♥ you and i both loved

last night was totally hell. sighs. by the time i got to sleep, my eyes were all swollen and tired. sighs. its like. im expecting more, but thats all that is most probably gonna be given to me..

maybe. perhaps. almost. nearly. pressed send.

maybe. i'll just be the world's silliest fool thinking it would happen.

most probably, i already am the world's dumbest fool.

sighs.



ihateitwhen...sighs.

♥ you and i both loved

i. - how i feeling -. sighs.

if holding on is so painfull, wont letting it go be worse?

if i let it go, i will never know. because i let it go once, and regretted my life away.

so i shall hold on till the end.

till i let go not because my heart wants to, but because its the end everything.

excruciating it is. but it just dosent feel right.

its a monday full of blues. blues that wont go away, even on tues,wed and thurs. not even friday.

im making myself sick. self torture seems to be the only way to jolt me back into reality.

i duno what im blogging.

argh! i need to scream.
































































ineedtocryintosomeone'sembrace.

♥ you and i both loved

hmms. sometimes i feel so embarassed. so embarassed at the fact that the people closest to me dont even trust me. and its not as if i've not earned your trust, or wadever. in fact, amongst the three, i think i've put the most credibility to my name..

sighs, it was during lunch. that was the time that totally destroyed my mood for the rest of the day. i could feel my eyes burning infront of like the whole table of friends. i kept my glance away from the table.. my heart really panged with pain.. sighs. i just feel so little and insignificant. just so inadequate. at the age of 19, i cant even make simple decisions that i AM capable of. i think i've studied enough to be wary of the various charactics of these MMI. sighs. i wish i could run as far as i could, to someplace where no one would find me to cry. seriously, i hate dealing with unnecessary stress like this..

WHY? sighs. ARGH. for once? maybe when its time you let me grow up, is when u have no choice. i hope that isnt too late.....

♥ you and i both loved

i was really exhausted last night.. tired from the day's activities. but i found myself wide awake on my bed with my head filled with a bajillion thoughts. considering i only fell asleep at 3am, it was quite amazing that i woke up at 10am.. but i refused to budge.. so i tossed and turned.. and agonized at why i didnt get the dreams i had the night before. it was the best dream i ever had. but im not telling! =X haha. these are sweet dreams by the way.. i lazed around on my bed till anout 11.. i washed up and did some house work..

it is a beautiful sunday i guess, the sun shining and the temperature is just nice. maybe being paitent will reap its rightfull harvests.. i am hoping. and wishing with every bit of my heart.. because i know that if i made any other decision, i would be deliberately lying to myself again..


i've been listening to this song the whole morning.... im dead.

Corrinne May - Something About You

Don't know what you do to me but
Everytime I'm with you it's a natural high
It's like re-discovering Eden
with chocolate -coated rainbows and cotton candy skies
And everytime you look my way
I wish I had the guts to say

There's something in your eyes
Something in your smile
Something in the way you move me
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you.

I think I'll hire Cupid
He'll make you see I'm more than your friend
You'll be tossing and turning
Counting the hours till you see me again
And when we meet you'll
Kiss my hand and say the words I've longed to hear

There's something in your eyes
Something in your smile
Something in the way you move me
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you
You make me want to sing,
make me want to dance,
make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you.



im so dead. ahh. *dead* =)

♥ you and i both loved

Dinner at Carnivore was great.. red wine along with the meats.. wow. =)

some photograpgy at Upper seletar reservoir.. quiet and relaxing.. although the quietness reminds me of the iminent problems that stil remain..... overall.. super enjoyable evening! =))


=)))))))))))

♥ you and i both loved

now im so used to using that acer travel mate laptop at work.. im not used to typin on my toshiba's keyboard.. ahH! hahas. anyway.. hmms.

i was chatting with rf last nite.. it made me miss them even more mans.. sighs.. all their lameness and the stuff that we do.. =( but.. we're going to meet up next week!!! YAY!! finally!

sighs. sometimes i can be a really bad friend.. and i realyl blame myself for it..i'm always so caught up in my own world that i dont realise that my friends closest to me needs a shoulder and a ear.. it was just now that i read a*'s blog, that i knew that she was going through a rough patch.. darn..

i think i am going to fail my advance theory next week. somehow i've lost interest in learning to drive.. i'd rather be driven around! hehe..


JAY's new cd can pre order ! hahas. got mine ordered already.. hehe. =) big big poster! nice!

♥ you and i both loved

Its finally Friday! =) hmms. =))
tues and wed was okayy. managed to survive them. im really sick of doing payroll. payroll's for the HR to do.. and i've already done payroll for 3 companies within this week. each company has like 70 over staff.. i've got to check their cpf contribtions and all that stuff la.. fill in IR8A forms.. ZZZ. i want to do some debit/credit thing ehh.. zzz.

i was sick on thursday with diarrhea.. my stomach activity level was pretty high that morning.. but i lugged myself out of bed and dragged myself to work.. all because.... HEHEHEHEHE.. haha. =)) i had something to look forward to.. =))))) that was the one and only motivation that got me through my day.. =)) dinner was light and delicious.. OHHH i got my FIRST paycheck!! hahas. 4 day's work money.. hehe. anyway. =)))

i dont care if it makes my life a mess.. because, to me its worth it.. even if it takes a lifetime to do so.. =) so lets see if i get lucky this lifetime.. hehe.

ohh! anybody interested in buying insurance?? do let me know.. i got LOBANG. =)

-------------

"a leaf drifts out in the open sea.. it drifts with the mild current..
farther and farther away from shore and under the tree where it used to be happy at...
some time passes and the leaf adapts to the soft warm salty water.. it feels happy trying to ride the waves that comes by.. however one day a storm brews, and it causes the leaf to be tossed in and out of the water.. it struggles for survival.. after a long and hard battle, the sun finally shone and the waters calm.. the leaf finds itself once again at the bays of the shore where its happiness lies under that shady tree.. it tastes the fine sands shore but the leaf somehow is still finding its way to that tree.. in its heart, it hold hope and believes that one day in its life, it would finally be alongside that big shady tree..."

♥ you and i both loved

1St day of work.!


"Time In: 8.15am Time Out: 6.30pm

Briefed by Jasmine and Wee Qian about the company. I got my posting to the Accounting department. We were taught how to answer calls. After which I was then brought on a tour around the entire Stephen McLaren Office.

After the tour, I was told to report to my department. The task I was given was to match source documents to its corresponding amounts in the ledger. The entire accounting department were “on training” on some new accounting software, and hence I was left alone in the office until lunch time. During the time I was left alone, I had to answer calls and take messages.

After lunch, I continued with the where I left off. After going through the box of source documents given to me, I realised that many of the items were not included, but worse of all, most of the amounts of many source documents were consolidated into a huge figure, and it was practically impossible to figure out what the sum consisted of. In this case, Ai Leng told me to key in all the documents with the various information into an excel spreadsheet. "


this is taken from my fortnightly journal.. hehe..
im simply too tired to rewrite these stuff in flowery language.. ahhh.. haha. but i think i kinda like the place i'm working at.. im so tired..

thanks to everyone who woke up early just to msg me! i really really appreciate it!!! =))
i think i will knock out before 1030.. or maybe tong until 11pm after my lovely samsoon.. =))

♥ you and i both loved

hmm. i suddenly feel so so so nervous! argh. tomorrow's the start of my attatchment.. its FINALLY starting. and i am feeling so nervous! damn!

i worry too much, and i cant help it! im worried i will dress wrongly, i'm worried that the people there may not like me, im worried that i get thrown into the middle of office politics, and the thing i am afraid off is not being able to do my work well because i dont know how to do them.. argh.. im quite afraid la.. ya lor.. so sian.. damn.. im so stressed out even before i start work.. sighs... =(

i dont know how to say this, but i kinda wished that i was in a different situation from what i am in now.. i feel too independent too soon.. like i've just got thrown onto the street with a little bit of money and food.. i've got no where to go and no one to go home too.. (i am not talking about my family)

life sucks when its aimless! it sucks when you've got no one to share it with. it also sucks when you feel overwhelming insecurity and uncertainty..ugh. i hate that feeling. i so super hate that feeling..

sighs..

- you have to have faith, before you can understand anything.

♥ you and i both loved

A programme on tv mobile caught my attention today. i usually dont fancy Animal Planet. but what i saw made me feel kinda sorry for a certain kind of life form - Humans. the most intelligent species of life on earth.. so i was thinking, maybe it isnt so great to be a human afterall.. the clip i watched on animal planet made me feel sad.. it showed a bear and a dog playing happily, a horse and a donkey, a tiger and a jaguar, a bird and a cat.. these animals differ so much in nature, but when it comes to accepting each other and living together happily, it seems like a breeze to them..
maybe it is due to the fact that they have very much smaller brains and they arent as intelligent as humans to think of all the nonsense and trash humans can think off.. anyway. . i realised why i get depressed when night falls.. haha. such a simple and logical reason..

sighs, somehow, i think that humans like to get the answers they want to their questions, by their various perceptions in which they think they can get it from. but most of the time, the answer they seemed to be seeking is right in front of them waiting to be seeked. i guess this is how the heart is able to mislead the mind. by subconsciously knowing that the answer is that, we go an unecessary trip around the world over and over again deliberately ignoring the truth. why were humans created with such flaws? the flaw that blinds the hurting truth and seeking the dream one that will never exist?

sighs. anyway.

i'd rather die than let you take my soccer away. yes. im SERIOUS.

♥ you and i both loved

The Platters-Great Pretender

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Pretending I'm doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game but to my real shame
You've left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart
can't conceal

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not (you see)
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

Yeah ooh hoo
Too real when I feel what my heart
can't conceal

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're
Pretending that you're still around

♥ you and i both loved

there is nothing like a good big plate of chilli crab. even though my lips and fingers will get all itchy and swollen after munching them down.. but....... guess what, i dont care! haha. i dont eat chilli crab everyday anyway.

anyway i wana wish my cute little mei mei a happy birthday! haha. so big le.. 16 years old. haha. hope u like the big fluffy pillow i got you! =)

hmms. on a more solemn note, i found out that many things are simply not at my disposal. there are many things that you would very much like to work out.. but the exact opposite simply occurs. i guess life's like that. envy is not a good thing. but, i still envy. =(

hmms. i am going to suffer really badly if i dont get back to my final paper's revision. zzzzzz.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

♥ you and i both loved

i feel the heat. the heat of pressure and the race against time. argh. the race against being sleepy. the race against letting the gastric pains get to me. its a race against everything. omg.. zzzzzzzz.i am going to die.. arghhhhhh. ok. gone.

♥ you and i both loved

YES! i have 2 more papers to go! and i'd be done with the exams. but, the feelings i have are mixed, its like STRAIGHT after my exams, i have to go work that following monday, for the next 7 weeks.SEVEN weeks. yes, its only 7 weeks (comparing myself with my friend's whose attachments are 6 months. yup. SIX months.)

anyway, audit was alright. my weekend was simply busy busy busy. my saturday was totally burnt, not because i had things to do, but because the flu bug had bitten me, and i've been suffering from indigestion for three days(that was the third day). hehe. my clothes have been tailored.

i was upset over some stuff on saturday night.. but sunday was happy day!!! weeee. got 2 new pair of heels from primavera.. haha. (all thanks to daddy) then sharon jie gave me 2 pairs of shoes that she wore like only once.. cool! the other pair she bought on impluse.. haha.. YEA!!!

and my hair is BLACK. not brown, not copper, but BLACK. really black. haha. weeeee. black black hair.. wee. okies. iim gone..

time to studyyy!

btw:
my lovely samsoon! (best korean show ever made)

♥ you and i both loved

I don't know if I should be glad or sad? Because the outcome of today's paper is somewhat of what I brought in. Feeling tired ain't an excuse I guess. Because it sucks when you know what's going to come out but you simply refuse to study and remain totally unmotivated even at the last moment. So I guess. What you put in, is what you get out of it eh?

"today was gonna be the day but they're never gonna throw it back to you." Oasis

I hate realizing such realities of life through ever so important things like an exam. But, at least I've learnt it. Anyway. I am going to mug like crazy for auditing. I need to do well. Because I have the chance to do well this sememster. I shall not let the past 6 months of endurance go to waste with a moment of folly.

I just got hold of like 10 new songs.. Hew. Blasting them so loud that I my neighbour( whose window is adjacent to mine) has closed the window giving me "the annoyed look". HAHA. But who cares!

rock is simply cool. Especially when blast it so loud u feel as if the bands' screaming out your frustrations for you.. And I bob my head and sing along.. haha. Woo! Now I feel like slamming on my guitar..

I wana be a rock chick. haha. -.-"""


why do my legs feel lke jelly? too much tea? and caffine? oops. i think i've had a record number cups of tea in the past 3 days. my sleep hour tally up to date is about 13 hours from thrusday night. i've just got a freaking ant bite from an ant. now its so itchy. zz.


to sleep or not to sleep? that is a question. so what's the answer?

ok. to sleep. (--.)z Z Z Z.... hehe.

♥ you and i both loved

in a blink of the eye, afa's over.
i baked pasta with potato and meat with cheese and cajun seasoning.
too bad i didnt take a photo.
i am going to have loads of caffine later to keep awake.
i have FMS tomorrow at 9am. this means having to get up at the ungodly hour of 6am.
darn.
hmm. i feel so lethargic and burnt out that i simply have no mood to mug for tomorrow's paper.
for the past 2 nights, i've had less than 10 hours of sleep.
and its thanks to caffine who kept me awake for so long.
i will have more of you much later.

and i am half dead. goodness. i am so looking forward to coming home to sleep on my nice comfy bed tomorrow after the paper. wee.

♥ you and i both loved

i kinda am really pressed for time now that there's only 1 day to the official start of my papers. i am trying my best to do my optimal amount of revision. ahhhhh. but i cant seem to get the sleeping bug out of my system. the heart is willing but the flesh is week. zz. i dont know how to make me not sleepy! coffee does not work for me. and taking short naps dont help either. because, i cant pull myself out of bed. i dont wana try it because it like world war III in my mind. haha.

hmms. i think i shall try coffee. maybe a couple of sit ups, and push ups star jumps.. haha. (hope i dont feel more tired after those..) -.-" hehe.

botak jones is nice.. u shld all try it..

http://www.botakjones.com/index.html

there's the menu.. (one of the outlet's located just behind my house.. so convenient!!!) haha.

ciao!

♥ you and i both loved

sometimes, but now most of the time, i feel that if i want to be happy, i should choose to be ignorant of most things. for one, i shouldnt go knocking on other people's doors when i know that they dont wana open it for some reason.

dang. maybe i feel green. but on the other hand, i feel that i aint in the wrong. its more like an eye for an eye situation. i am not surprised to find it to be so. its just so lame.

bahh. off to church.. hoping i will find some peace.

♥ you and i both loved

I hate this feeling. I hate being put under pressure after constant reminders to you that I do not like to be pressurized. Sighs. I don't like it one bit.

try squeezing an already blown up balloon. See what happens? That is what, I will become, should you attempt to carry on with all these.

I feel like screaming. I really do. Because. I don't know what I am doing at all. I don't know where I am heading. I don't know what I want. I do not know what to do. Sighs.

problems at work. And problems in the personal life. Double happiness?

I feel so darn irritated.

ineedsomebodyicantalktototalkto.

♥ you and i both loved

Hermann Hesse:

You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.

Blaise Pascal:

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

George Bernard Shaw:

No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.

Abraham Lincoln:

The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every other calling, is diligence. Leave nothing for to-morrow which can be done to-day.

Robert Frost:

The best way out is always through.

Margaret Guenther:

[W]e all need friends with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth in love to us.

hmmmmm?

♥ you and i both loved

ALL hail LiVerPOOL! =)) we beat chelsea 2-1! woo.
*crowd starts chanting liverpool liverpool....*

ok.
--------------------------------------------

As much as i want to, i'd find that i would be lying to myself about how much i've revised. i cant seem to make myself feel secure and confident of what i've revised. 2 weeks of study break. and this time, i really managed to get started earlier..once bitten twice shy..

however, reviewing the past week's progress, i've completed FMS once . studied slightly more than 1/2 of audit. and just starting on afa. argh! although i've been studyin for like a week, i feel that in my mind, i am overstating the amount of work that i;ve done. argh. self consolation is really bad at times like this. because i keep telling myself, that i have enough time left to complete all my revision. daang!i hate it when i tell myself that.

i'm like a nervous wreck. worrying about things that would happen instead of making use of the ever-precious time to do more productive things like studying. ugh. in fact, i figured, that those worries wouldn't even exist if i used that time to study. even more dang.

i have so many things on my to-do list. like going for a jog, cycle, complete my revision, eat healthily, and many more. but so far, i cant say that i've successfully completed any one of them. zz.

i need some kind of drink that will keep me awake and focused and motivated and non-restless, and anti computer, and non- hungry, and non- stoning, and non- daydreaming, and no feelings. i need i need! argh.


---
"so take my hand and save me from this place......" corinne may's save me.

♥ you and i both loved

DARN. UGH. I GOT THE URGE TO THROW A MILLION STONES INTO SOME EMPTY SPACE NOW. ARGH. I SO FEEL LIKE SCREAMING NOW. I SERIOUSLY DO. STEP ON MY TAIL NOW AND YOU'LL SUFFER SO MISERABLY THAT U WISHED YOU NEVER KNEW ME.

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THIS WAY??? ARGH. F. FFFFFFFF! UGH. FEELIN SO IRRITATED. HELLO. SO NOW ITS UP TO ME TO ACCEPT IT OR NOT? WTH??? U THINK YOU BIG SHOT AH. GOODNESS. NOW IT ALL COMES DOWN TO SOME DUMB RIGHTEOUS THING OF YOURS??? PLEASE. DONT GO THERE. I AM WARNING YOU.

SIGHS. SOMETIMES I WONDER. WONDER HOW MY BRAIN WORKS.

SOMETIMES I WISH I CAN ONLY HAVE A BRAIN. NO HEART. JUST A BRAIN.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A WHOLE ENTRY IN CAPS. MAYBE IT EXPRESSES HOW I FEEL? (WOW)

I GET SO CHEESED OFF WITH PEOPLE WHO DONT DO THINGS QUICKLY ENOUGH AND CORRECTLY. (WELL, TO STUFF THAT I CONSIDER DOABLE AND EASY) AND THE BEST PART OF IT IS THAT THEY ATTRIBUTE IT TO THEM BEING SLOW OR DUMB. WHAT AN EXCUSE! OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDNT FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS, HOW CAN U HAVE THE CHEEK TO BLAME IT ON BEING SLOW?? HELLO~


SIGHS. AS MUCH AS I WANT TO CONTROL MY OWN FATE. OR MY LIFE, IT ISNT WORKING. AT ALL.

♥ you and i both loved

hmms. the fireworks last night was nice. just that there were too many people.

♥ you and i both loved

i feel scared. for the first time in a very long time. i feel really scared. i love my eyes. sigh.

♥ you and i both loved

i feel so darn irritated. sighs. i am not at peace with alot of things. i feel irritated with everything. i need to kill the source, where all these come from. because its eating my life away. and i am so darn irritated. so annoyed and troubled that i cant eat, sleep of concentrate well. sighs. sometimes, i dont know why, i am so so so dumb and stupid. foolish isnt even close to what i am. i'd rather cut myself with a fking razor then say .... what the hell am i thinking? its my life, but i act as if i am a saint in the making. and now i know i am not. because, im jus. so messed up. im angry upset and irritated with myself. i've fking let myself down, time and time again i dont really know how to explain it to myself anymore. i'm getting used to the fact that this is what i am. sigh. arghargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


please dont sayanything. because i wish to die. i'm living a fate worse then death, its neither here nor there. argh. ineedpoision.

♥ you and i both loved

hmm. i think i blog too much. its becoming of habit to do so now. actually i dont really bother if people actually read my blog. =)


its national day. happy national day. -.-"

i heard this life is overrated, but i hope it gets better as it goes.. i cant really believe how powerful the past can be. so powerfull as to control the future years following that. it is amazing how one sentence from a book, a show, a movie, a song, a message, a letter, a card, or from someone can change the way you look at things from that moment on. is it of human nature to think that we have to change our perceptions to those, so as to be a better person? if not, why do we change because of these?

is the human mind so weak as to crumble when other people show us how they think and how we should think? and we succumb to the pressure and follow the way they have led us to. it comes to a point where we dont know what we're living for, because we suddenly realise that we've become something that we didnt set out to become. the past us and the now us are simply worlds apart. and we wonder what made the drastic change take place. and i can only think of one reason- the heart.

the heart is unfathomable. it can make one do the purest most Immaculate thing ever. but it can also make one do the most evil and wicked things the one can ever imagine doing. but why? everyone wants the best of both worlds, but they can only have one. is that a pity? i dont really know.

i am starting to believe that what my opinion of love is true. true love is like a one in a trillion thing. i dont really believe that there is true love, and the two people live happily ever after. and for that reason, fairy tales with such storylines SHOULD be abolished forever. it gives kids the wrong mindset of life, and a fase sense of hope. they cannot be innocent forever. because one day they will grow up and find out the realities of life, and what a shock they would get.

i dont really know what i am blogging on national day. but these are just my 2 cents worth of thoughts. bahh. im off to study. i have a dumb full day of class tomorrow ( which i feel like skipping). zzzzzzzzzz!

♥ you and i both loved

................................................................................................................................................................
................................. .

♥ you and i both loved

i got my tagboard back on. and i've also changed my firefox browser theme. pink shift. its nice. hee. i've got like a million themes to choose from. it was pimpzilla. ok . this is pink shift.



hmms. i guess i am feeling better than last night by a whole lot. yupps. i got 3 chapters on the way up till just now. taking a quick break for now. then i'll get back to my books. i love being home on a weekday afternoon. its just so quiet and condusive. ooh.


yes. everything gets better after a good night's rest. =)

anyway i have found out that being independent is good. dependeing on myself for everthing is great. at least i've only got myself to blame . and i never will be let down by people who i had to depend on. =) okies. back to the books.

♥ you and i both loved

being not in a good mood and listening to sad/depressing songs will not make you feel better either. as a matter of fact, it makes you feel more shitty. my playlist's named as : for the sian mood. haha. how ridiculous can i get?? and 2 songs i've been listening to for like a million times the whole evening are : hopelessly devoted to you by olivia newton john, and i think i by buyl.

i guess it ruffled my feathers. i thought that i'd got over it a few weeks ago. i feel so mixed up inside. i cant feel happy neither do i want to feel sad. i dont know what to expect. in fact i dont expect anything. i cant and .... urgh. damn. i cant articulate this to anyone or anything. i cant even get it out of my system. i feel like getting really drunk and jumping off a building. for once, i cant get a tear out of my tear duct. it stays in there refusing to well up and fall off my cheek.

argh. please. i neeed to concentrate. but untill now, nothing has been accomplished. and i feel so idiotic. and screwed up. ad;slkfa;iohan;lkvnas;lfjsiorjejsalkdjfiwejlksdlknsfahsf;klsassa. fcuk.

♥ you and i both loved

not thinking too much is difficult. not thinking at all is even harder.
i think i am digging my own grave. what happened this morning at school really sucked. i somehow detest the feeling of being under surveillance. i cant breathe OR work OR whatever. i dont want to resort to measures that in my books are deemed as childish treatments for childish people. urgh.

i was at the point of wanting to run to the toilet with my handphone and calling for help. i felt so helpless and distraught. i dont know how to put it all in words. but somehow, i know what i am going to do now. backoff. and even if its going to make me lonelier, i don't really care anymore.

i went to taka. and that jap food stall uncle pissed me off. i am a customer. couldnt he have just told me nicely that i was looking at the wrong menu to order my side dish? argh. how i hate sacasm directed at me. dumbo uncle. you made like 14 bucks from my order! will it kill you to be friendly? oh ya. i hope the food inspector dosent catch you. because i spotted RED RAW meat in an exposed container right next to all the salads. damn! no wonder your stall didnt get A for food hygine. but really, you cant put raw meat next to salad. because, you are not going to cook the salad. your customers are eating it as it is, (with trillions and trillions of bacteria already on that leafy green salad.) zz.

the mango top i wanted to get.... i didnt get. because, i felt the material sucked. its too transparent and the material's is of those where it goes out of shape once you wash it once or twice.

i slept on the way home on the bus like a log. argh. 162 all the way. i was so super lazy to get down to change busses. ok la. i dont feel like writing anymore.

i shall attempt to study again. concentrate. concentrate. concentrate. concentrate.
(haha. its virtually impossible.) but when i say that, this line comes in ( with God all things are possible) -.-"

haha. great. now i am really talking to my self. shoots. argh. ahhh.

♥ you and i both loved

yepp. gonna start studying ! ciao.

♥ you and i both loved

and here goes, to everyone who has contributed to my passing in one way or another,
Thank you.

to name a few, the 250 questions book provided by Fang's fren and GZ. fang, gz, nura, gj, for the pre test preps. dolores and her fren for walking me 3/4 of the way to ssdc. jiaming and dolores for meetin me for lunch( but only i ate. -.-') haha. and everyone who has wished me luck and all the best. =) weeeee. it was such an experience. woo. actually i a bit scared to see the results eh. if fail hor. the word so big. it'll be like so malu lar. haha. weeeee. haha. and i've booked my final theory! its goingg to be really difficult!!ahhh. now need 350 question book le... anyone want to lend me? hee. my result slip!



ehhh.. on a final note......NURA!!!! haha. i cant stop laughin at this..

ini ..... *** *** *****!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.....(private joke)

♥ you and i both loved

oh haha. i understand The Lakehouse. its a really sad show.

my opinion of the morals of the story:

1) have patience and wait. sometimes in life you wont be so lucky to get a second chance.

2) through time and space, true love always finds a way.

3) daejavu. the person you fall in love with today, may have been someone you have unknowingly met before.


i spent 2 hours pondering about what this plot actually wants to tell me. i was kinda frustrated in the beginning when i was wondering what the time lag was about.. then i finally understood. the show is so sad..

its a rave from me!!

go watch it. if you have the patience to figure it out.

♥ you and i both loved

as promised photos from the Table 108 outing. yup. im not in the best of moods. sigh. sian. anyway here are the photos.

♥ you and i both loved

first it was off for my FIRST ever saxophone lesson! the rythms and notes all quite ok.. but when it came to the part where i had to make a constant sound by blowin into the mouthpiece.. it was totally an uphill climb.. maybe a thicker reed will do the trick. monday going to get the reed!

next it was percussion concert MY HOME. great concert!i like the way the Conductor involved the audience. interactive concert is fun!!! wow. count me in for their latin christmas concert in december!!!!

hahas. next we went to TABLE 108. 50 % off ALL drinks. is that good or good? f & G got cocktails. N got mango juice. and i got a glass of draught hoegarden. my cousin said thats the best beer around. and boy was it great. it goes down your throat smoothly. and leaves a light taste. haha. 3/4 glass and i was woozy. haha. ok. first time i felt drunk. but since i stil was clear minded enough to think and articulate what i think. i shouldnt be that drunk.haha. and hor.

and please. to whoever is gonna tell me that gals shouldnt drink should probably just save their efforts. because, personally, i dont believe this "gals shouldnt drink" thing. i am old enough to do what i want to do. and er. i will be responsible for my own drinkin! aiyo. tsktsktsk.


will upload photos when i get all of them.. =)

♥ you and i both loved

i just found about nearly an hour ago that there was SOMEone else in the exact SAME predicament as me. wow. its like i dont know if i should be glad or upset about the call. but i think i'll just be happy. for all the good reasons i can think off. yes.

tomorrow is the last work day of the week. which will leave like 3 more weeks to the examinations.
i am actually quite afraid because this means alot of things. 1) can i DO WELL? 2) attatchment.. (very scary) 3) results 4) will i be in the same class as D and H? (i dont wana end up doin shitty projs with shitty ppl).

ahh. i cant get the "comments" thing up on my blog. zz. tried the whole afternoon. oh ya. i had a wierd dream in the afternoon...........pretty scary dream though i cant remember what was the dream.. i just know that i woke up feeling cold and scared.. and with a stupid chill. (when i was wrapped up in my quilt).. anyways. im gone la..


feelin slightly shitty.

♥ you and i both loved

ahh. what a boring night. i have just wasted 3 hours of my life doing nothing. for 3 hours, i've been waiting endlessly for nothing. haha. zzz. today is bad connection day or something? its like no one from my class (those i chat with) is online.. p. pig, p. spider and p. hippo.. what u all doing sia.. haha..

i tried writng . but. drats. no inspiration to write. when i have the urge to write, it takes forever to make me stop. ahh. why why why. i didn do my tutorials for friday. i feel so lazy. so darn lazy. ugh. this MUST stop. exams are coming soon.

anyway. i should have kept my mouth shut.. twice again. sleepy sleepy sleepy. think i am going to turn in early tonight. before 12!! yea. so tomorrow i can pay full attention in MA lecture. (and i REALLY ReALLY dont wana attend CLAW) i seriously do not wana attend claw. ah. then i'll go for audit. (im going to work in an audit firm - or at least i think i am..) cantonment road is in CBD area? or not? never mind.. i'm going to sleep now.. zzzzzzzzzz.


i am moodless!

♥ you and i both loved

hmms. and im back again to blog my thoughts. actually, i've got one. why isnt there anyone online now? (from like 6pm to now?) everyone havin dinner or sleepy? i didnt sleep because i was watching yu le bai fen bai.. zz. then got sponge bob!!! hahas. anyways. i'll be havin dinner soon. maybe online much later... zzzz .. quite sleepy now sia.. hahas.

i chose not to sleep because, at around 645pm, i'll be waken up by my mother or sister or father.. and its like the time where im in the deepest of my slumber.. then so abrubtly awaken, i will get out of bed feeling so lethargic and giddy! then when i get to the dinner table, i've got no appetite for anything.. and i'll probably be in a grumpy mood. so i decided not to sleep lor.

ok la. time to grab some dinner.

♥ you and i both loved

OHHHHHHH!!!!!
the moment i got home, i saw this blue letter with the NP letter head.. my heart instantly pumped like a trillion times faster than just a second ago. i tried as quickly as i could to rip off those edges of the letter. i somehow felt it was my attachment posting!!!! AHHHHHH.. the suspense was simply killing!! hahas.

i finally ripped of the bloody edges.. and my eyes scanned the letter to find "company name : Stephen Mclaren Consultants Pte Ltd". the first thought that went through my mind was," oh f! pte ltd company, must be SME. ahhh" second thought " its at cantonment road, dont tell me its at the shop houses area.." third thought" what the hell is this company dealing in?" fourth thought" 8.30am-615 pm.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz". fifth thought, " who the hell is Rebaczonok Michael? he/she's supposed to be my liason officer. got such person in Np meh??" 6th thought onwards.. was.. "this firm good anot? go internet check.. despite my super sleepyness.."


so, from the information i've gathered, this is an Internal Audit firm, that has many other services like advice on fisical planning, goods n services tax, human capital management, paroll admin, and not forgetting audit assurance.. and many others la.. hmms.. these are the 3 areas which i GUESS that i may be posted to. because, in the letter there are names of 3 people, of which are in these departments. so.... ya lor.. haha. exciting! hahas. exciting!!

okies.. my hair dry le.. i'm going to snooze the noon away.. will blog about the pizza hut experience tonight! yay. woo. sweet dreams to me.. =)

♥ you and i both loved

my beautiful disaster blogskin lasted only one day. =( sad case of it being seen too commonly every where. so forget it. change blogskin.

i'm bloggin with a super down mood.i made one decison that affected 2 lives today. things happened. i was upset, we were upset the with the work attitudes of these people. sighs. it was a hard call. but we made our decision. we decided not to penalise them with a peer evaluation. i dont really know how to explain the circumstance. but somehow, i feel that God is askin me to forgive them, and let them be. i dont know. but before i made that decision today, i prayed in class asking for help. i finally decided to let go of it all.

some people say im stupid. some people tell me that since i did that, next time people dont do work dont complain. wtf. do you know how shitty i am feeling now? hai. whatever. its like. argh. im just so freaking fed up. i just needed to hear "i'm glad you did what you think was right" phrase from you.
conclusion: i should have just kept my mouth shut and dont expct too much in return.

when i heard that stupid response, i was totally pissed off. argh. argh argh.

damn. irritating! ahh.

im really disappointed. i'm just not going to go for audit tomorrow.
sometimes i just dont get what's goin thru your head. slowly i will cold, and die off. and when that happens, dont ask me why. because you asked for it.


anyway,no more tagboard. will/might put it back when i feel like it.

♥ you and i both loved

Yippie. new blogskin! fell in love with the skin when i first saw it. hehe. the picture is so abstract. it tells me a million things... haha ok. bullshit. ahha. remember. YOU saw this blogskin FIRST at my blog. come'on, say with me now, "i saw this fantabulous blogskin FIRST at Amelia's blog" yes. now say it once more loudly. GOOD! haha.

wow. im in such high spirits. it was the battle of responses during WISP class. JE"D"( d was too smart to turn up today) haha. woo. so exciting man. Tariffs= Traffic. WTH. haha. ever heard of phonics? me and N cldn help but snigger away.. haha.

Princess Pig went for dental! woo. she's gonna get braces!! hahas. hehe.. enjoy ALL the food while u can Princess Pig! haha. got braces le, too hot oso cant eat,too cold oso cant eat, too sticky oso cant eat.

Princess Hippo was supposed to FAST today. but i guess its so hard to do so when everyone around is chompin their food away.. haha.. so for Princess Hippo's benifit, we shall all fast with her the next time she fasts! NO more temptations to eat.

Princess Spider was very early today! haha. ehh. GUI ZHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~. ( must read untill very biao zhun then nice to hear) HAHAHHA.. laugin too much le.. cant continue..


hehe. anyway. to you*. pls dont ever contact me again. im just appalled at what u're doing!!!! and i DONT DESERVE YOUR BLACK FACE. haha. whatever.



ciao. might be back later!

♥ you and i both loved

i feel silly! i can no longer blog my REAL thoughts here. i;m goint to write in super confusing ways so its hard to understand what i really mean.

wahaha. i hate it mans. not being able to blog my thoughts. maybe i should just remove the stupid tagboard. so even if so and so is reading my blog, so and so cant post the so and so comments! WAHAHA. im so evil.


i will be starting my saxophone lessons by this week if there are no unforseen circumstances. yay. ok. woo. im back to happy me again! yay!

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

almost everyone has come to learn about the truth.


but i have to force an akward smile and turn to leave, pretending i am oblivious to the truth.

how can i bear to expose your deliberate ignorance ot the truth?

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

it was suppoesd to be a really good day. but it was sadly plagued with sian-ess and irritating things that make u really really angry. also upsetting things that just makes you lose the mood for anything. i guess this time its gettin like quite serious. because, even gettin a top i really liked from Zara and seeing my idol and gettin her autograph cant cheer me up. i know its something major. i wana tell someone about it. but i just cant seem to get the right words out from my mouth. i cant even articulate it to anyone. sadly, its been boggin me down these few days. im in such a confused state that i dont know what im doing. sighs. i have no mood for vitually anything. and i know this spells Serious with a capital S. hai. im tired. going to bed. sobx.

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

im lazy to write. but here's some of yesterday's photos.. hehe. some are so goofy that i shant post them up here. i look so fat !!!! argh. haha. anyways. im slacking away when my pals are sloggin their guts out for claw. shitty. damn. i shant say no more about the shittyness of ?. anyways. the western food at coronation er.. is not good. VERY not good. heh. i until now stil a bit "fan wei." zzzz. off to do claw. cant wait for it to be wednesday. i also cant wait for the EPL to start. but when it starts, it would mean that exams are coming and attatchment's drawing nearer. haha. sianded. ok. im stil writing here because the montage is taking forever to be uploaded by blogger. ya. sucks man. so slow. luckily i only haf one to upload. imagine uploading like a dozen. (can die) hehe. ok its done. im gone! =) jia you to my pals pia-ing claw. and to myself. WAHAHA.

♥ you and i both loved

[2006] 4 SLR 223
AMELIA C (IN DEPRESSION) V CHOO AND THE OTHERS. [2006]SGHC 128

catchwords
such a bad start to such a nice day. -sighs.-wth.-shouldnt have woken up.
hate it.-hate to be the one being thrown around by your anger.-
because i dont deserve this kind of treatment.-blood IS thicker than water.
yet i cant share nuts with you.-everything ends up in a quarrel in less thatn 3 sentences.
so dont blame me for not trying to share anything about my life with you.-because.
i cant. -its simply impossible.


holdings- my attempts
my attempt to tell you i bought a new fake watch at 10 bucks,
cost me 2 hours of your lecturing.
my attempt to tell you about my personal life,
cost me in taking the blame for stuff's that happened for NOT listenin to you.
my attemptS to tell you i registered for my BTT.
cost me in feelin so inadequate and insufficient. so inferior.
and my many other attempts that failed so miserably.


judgement - Amelia Choo J

1 so i have reluctantly forced myself to realise the fact that i CANNOT share anything with you.
because of that one simple fact where you would rather pick on unimportant stuff that would send me straight down to hell, then the little compliments or even words of encouragement
that i so yearn for. im looking for love at home. i dont seem to find any. it breaks my heart to
learn that i cant share anything with you. both good and bad. so please dont come around tellin me, pushin that very same " now you grow up dont wana share anything with me" sentence. because, i somehow promised myself that i will not do so. it is to save me the hurt and rejection
i get from you time to time.

2 maybe i should thank you for this kind of treatment. because i heard that in the real world, things are far worse then my comfy lil life now. but what the heck. aint i entitled to some love?
i cant stand your sacasm. the other* is just a freaking coward hiding behind materialistic things of the world. so what if we've lived off it* for many years now? i dont give a care. i really dont. because it is your main responsibility to do so. its not that im trying to be a bitch or somthing. i hate to bring the law in. but im under 21. and im a dependent. dependent on you to bring the bread home. i consider that i am living in semi poverty. where everything that i want i have to get it myself. with such a mere weekly allowance. wtf can i do with that? eat buy stuff? and pay bills? wow. i dont even think the best money manager can do so much with that LITTLE money.
i aint complainin. but pls. dont come and dish out spoonfuls of your shitty comments from time to time. im already up to HERE. with it. i cant take it anymore. i am envious of other people who are just average in wealth. but their parents are so give and take when it comes to money. they'd rather have their children be happy then fking piss them off the moment they step into the house. or better still, the moment they awake in the morning. sighs.


3 etbsrdfnei is gone. i would say, a mere "sham" or facade? yup. thanks to roerthb. i hav a channel and place to vent my frustrations.



judgement given for the plaintiff.

reported by amelia.

haha. wth. i never thought i would be quoting her.
----------------------------------------------------------------

instead of finishin up my summary. i doing pointless blog entries. haha. wadever.

on a final note;

i shall quote M " its always better to depend on ourselves"


does that leave a sour taste in your mouth? oops. have a sweet then. CLORETS anyone?

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

this is for everyone who's havin a bad day like me.. hmm.. some south park should do the trick..
because im so sick of bloggin unhappy stuff. i jus decided to make myself and everyone else feel a lil better.. =)

disclaimer : if you are under 18 and dont like the F word, then pls exit now.


uncle fu*ka in jap. wth.. haha..



hmms. ya. thats all. cant wait for sunday. wad am i going to wear!!!!!!


now the english version..(original btw.. haha)

♥ you and i both loved

i am STILL so fed up. more fed up than yesterday. how sian and sway i can be man. it has just come to my notice that i had to STOP whatever i was doing. and restart on a new one! wtH! argh. so fed up man. luckily i slacked enough to not do that much work. SIANZ. the tongue lashing is getting worse. dont be surprised if, things get ugly. because, there's only that limit to what i can take. ONLY so much i can take you know. hai. seriously. i dont know why everything's so SCREWED up. i am so unlucky man. so unlucky i think if i buy 4D for 10 years. also wont strike lor. wth. hai. i feel like chopping you p*cbs then cook curry lor. or maye i shall kill you the way cartman kills scott tenorman! WHAHAHAA. sucks man. sucks so much..



aiya. go do work le la. sianded.

♥ you and i both loved

i am so FED UP!!!!! argh. wtf! seriously. i rather do this bloody project alone than do them with u p*bs. argh. disgusting. really. will it kill you to just tell the other person to come down for proj on fri? walao. u freaking see her everyday. im so darn freaking irritated with ur stupid childish attitude. where's ur freaking sense of responsibilty? TODAY. u bloody act blur. hai. i really wished that you didn show me this side of you. i wanted to remain netural. now, im just glad that this term is going to end. sighs. 20 pages. awaitng my highlighting and comprehension. sighs. really really upset. im not something you step on to reach ur goal b****. hai. so irritated. so so so irritated. darn. how do you live with ur own attitude man? argh.


HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. yes. the only person you can depend on is urself. sians. i knew this would be coming. sianz. sianz sianzsiansianzsianz.


sian. sian sian sian sian sian.

♥ you and i both loved

its been quite a while since i've blogged. reason being that i dont really have much to say. sometimes some things are better left unsaid. i've learnt many things. many! the week's started fine..

just a little reflection for the past weeks.. for one, i've completed all my projects. there's only claw left to do.. afa's project was really hard. but me and my partner managed to pull through, doing the work of 4 others as well. it was simply a gruelling time for me. to briefly summarise, it was to school, tutorial/lecture/project/packed lunch/project/project/project. for like 3 weeks in a row. the best part was that its an amazing feeling to know that u've managed to endure so much blah blah's from other people. but, i shall also attribute some of my endurance to friends who have helped make the journey-ing easier. =)

next, i am proud to say that i've done pretty well in this common tests. YAY! its not in my agenda to brag or make people feel bad. im just so glad that i've managed to accomplish my target so far. YEA! hahas.

anyway. im going to end my entry so abrubtly because of unforseen circumstances. suddenly realised that tomorrow got make up afa class.. AHHHHHH.. and i haven finished my ma elearning. siann. ok. i may/ maynot continue this entry.

ciao.

♥ you and i both loved

hmms. as the night progresses, that sucky feeling becomes even worse. sometimes. whatever you do. how ever hard you may try to forgive or forget. it never goes away. all it takes is one mistake. one regret. one very heart shattering moment, to destroy everything. everything in the past, and in the future.

it dosent really matter if i had a great time with my pals. because in the end, it all boils down to the individual- yours truly. and even though i laughed a million times or smiled a trillion times. the feeling's not completely true. its not purely that i want to laugh.

sighs. my life's a mess. and my head's in such a turmoil now. so many things flying through. i cant really take it anymore. sometimes i feel like crying. but there's no one to cry to. instead, the tears all end up on my pillow. i cant remember how long i've been going through this routine. and. i thought about it. it may be signs of depression.

i cant tell anyone. its hard. hard to make anyone understand. neither do i have the energy to let it be understood. i cant remember how many times i've swallowed my tears back down my throat. i dont know how many times i've heard sniffles in my throat. i dont know how many times i've felt that burning sensation in my eyes. i've been supressing all these negativity in me for so long.. im getting used to it. but at the expense of my happiness. turning into a zombie aint that difficult.

i dont like the fact that i've got to be lectured by hear- says. i seriously hate it. what right has it got to insult me? who are these people that are setting these words into sharp knives and sending them straight at me? what have i done??? sighs.


i wish i could lose consciousness of this world. lie asleep .. until everyone forgets about me. i am so tired of everything. i am so tired of putting up a false facade for everyone elses' sake. it has always been " for others" it never was not about me. sighs. no matter how long i write . no matter how long i think about it. it will never go away. it really sucks.

its really hard. bearing all this pain alone. the inside of me aches all the time. it hurts really bad.
where's that hug? where's that reassuring pat on the back. where are the words of encouragement? anyway. i gave up on those. insomia. almost everynight. =( hai..

this really sucks. sojusleavemealonetocry. its goodbye to the world.

♥ you and i both loved

hmmm.. this is from Full House, "i think i" by byul ( should be la). i'm watching full house currently.. sighs. its always the same case of "you'll only miss the water when its gone." thing.

today was a good day. a good day means i dont think about problems of unhappy stuff. i will upload some of our billy bomb- us photos when i recieve them and when i edit them. yar.. right now. im feeling shitty.

♥ you and i both loved

watching korean dramas now suck. watching any kind of love story makes me feel bitter. telling me any kind of lovey-dovey thing makes me feel horrible. it makes me feel so bitter. i dont feel like eating. neither do i feel like sleeping. i cant stand the smell of love. i know its wrong.

but im sorry to everyone who's been affected( if any) by my short temper and patience. sighs. i dont mean to snub you guys. or whatever. but then.... sighs....................................................................................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................

♥ you and i both loved

right now. im pissed. i have a very bad body ache. im freezing cold. and very upset. i dont get it.
i seriously dont. sighs. sighs. im rushing bloody fms out. and * have to come pick the wrong times to start a argue with me. hello. can * pls stop doing that??? it is known to * that i have a deadline to meet, and that i have only today and tomorrow to do my project. i'm getting very worried if we can finish it in time, and produce a above average report. sighs. im tired, im hungry, im cold. and my head is soo pain. the pain's been there ever since i woke up today. sighs.
please. its only a driving test. i decided to take it by myself. do i still have to ask for * permission? i believe that i dont need to. sighs. argh.


im so fed up. msn's out. hai.

♥ you and i both loved

i wonder why things have to turn out like that for me? i mean. if you have an open wound, would you chose to keep on disturbing with with hands full or germs, or bundle it up and leave it to heal? sighs.

i just dont get it. why cant i have my own personal space without * trying to invade it? why do * have to push me to the limit? make me feel so stressed up over stuff that's already over? why cant * just back down with some dignity? leave me alone to think. no point trying to speed up the process. because its not going to have a nice ending. its not going to be the ending * hoped for. its precisely of these actions that made me take a second look at my decision to confirm what i did was right. sighs.

it didn have to Deteriorate to what it is today. im sad to say. i dont know what people have said or are saying to *. but if * know me well and long enough. *should know i'm a person who hides feelings very well. and when it comes to work, its work, i dont let my personal feelings get in the way. because i know that its my responsibility to do that. i dont go pull long faces and be sad. i dont want the whole world to know that i've got issues. sighs. long week ahead.


i cant stand it when * have to act like that. go freaking piss me off with that "innocent" attitude. argh. i really cant stand it any longer. hai.

i really ARGHHSJklrgha;ogharhga;slfwai ah;lasjdg;asjdf;lksadjoi;lsj;ijg;asiamg;lksgalsd;fjas;fjaiowa;lsgn;saowoas;gojas;lkasdlfkjsailksfajsfoi
jnalsduif;woaiejf;asklfasijfldskjldskjiewj;lknvasliajs;'iaw''wapj'aiwj;oaiabnklgfjas;ldkfjewoijrwoierpf
WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



sian. really sian. no more tears to cry. justleavemealone.

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

oh wells. right now i'm more or less stoning. and i'm not feeling too good about this free time that i have now. i basically hate free time. because, when i have free time. i think. and when i think, i tihnk wayy too much. and when i think wayy too much.. i start feeling depressed about stuff in life.

sometimes i just wonder. and wonder. what i'll be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? somehow.. there's this uncertain feeling in me that's making me really upset most of the time. and i believe i have found and unorthodox cure - keeping myself busy and tired.

they just played legeally blond on tv.. elle's story is somewhat a fairytale. and fairytales like this dont happen in a reality like mine. sighs. i TRY to make myself feel better. but i jus feel much worse than crap.

i need a hug from my mum. i need someplace where i can cry my heart out and it wouldnt matter. i need to be smarter. i need to do things that i want to do. i need to have more courage to achieve things i want in life. i need luck. lots of luck.

i dont need never ending crappy stuff to keep happening to me.

i remember many years ago, a friend of mine said, "amelia, you're such an ambivalent person."
am i? am i really so equivocal that it's causing me to be so messed up? why? i ask myself. but then i'll just keep silent. simply because i dont have the answer to that question.

i feel like stuffing my face with lots and lots ice cream. and watch a trashy love show that would make me cry and cry. and feel so horrible. one problem thats bothering me. is that i dont actually know what i am so bothered about. i need a channel to vent all my anger out. i feel so bottled up. its just so hard to tell anyone how i'm feeling. because its jus simply hard to understand. i've tried telling 2 or 3 friends. but they just end up telling me i shouldnt. and the conversation ends in an awkard silence. end of story forever. this problem becomes a black mark in their books forever and ever. period.

i can write countless pages of words here. but i still wont get what i wana say out of me. because im just more stubborn than a cow.

im goes. BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pls let me scream!

♥ you and i both loved

keeping my eyes open for my angels

Angel in Disguise

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and i stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody loves you'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before i get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Dont need to look for paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But i forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out of the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatted for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new.

♥ you and i both loved

amelia

aquarius/capricon. 9teen. NP acc yr 3.


xFrAnKyx
RuIfAnG
JaciNta
GuoJie
GraCe TaN
JuN HaO
khoO BoOn
AleNe
G*dInE
YaoMiNg
crystle
Des
magg
nura
weIlIng
JiA mInG
QiJiAN

& ARCHIVES

NONE!

& ARTICULATE

SILENCE. .

& CREDITS

this layout was done by jeanette. the fonts were from dafont,image was from threadless and brushes were from 100x100.pls do not take out the credits. :]