i'm taking so long to complete my chinese novel. the rest of the books are left untouched. and i need to return them on july 10. damn. i think i used to read much faster. or maybe i just had more time then?

went for a spin around midnight blasting linkin park. spin till changi eat red tea jelly with two friends, and then sit around, chill, before spinning back home at 4+am. the feeling is quite shiok, although i know i should'nt waste petrol like that. still, i don't care. i do what i feel like doing.

my com restarted 4 times before it was functionable. i so need to save up for a laptop. so screwed la, my com. its old, ugly, and is sick. but still, it has faithfully served me for the past 2 years.

i am definitely getting a back ache when i get older. injured my back on saturday again. its either a sprain, or i've pulled a muscle. cant exactly figure out which. old injury from hauling a CO2 cylinder up the stairs to bar 3. injured my back directly after xinlin cursed me to take care of my back and not to injure it again. so frustrated. i dun like being injured like that. now i cannot go swimming, cannot even do my regular fix of exercise. and believe it or not, i have been exercising faithfully for the past month. its not those gym quality or extreme long duration, but rather short and simple. its not much but its still something. now i'm scared i'll grow fat again. my back can barely bend and i dun think i'm going to risk exercising. thankfully i dun really eat much nowadays. ate only one meal yesterday. had sudden food cravings in changi but managed to curb it.

i am so so so upset. i lost my psp original battery. was using it as spare, bringing it around with me everywhere. then i couldn't find it anywhere yesterday. so damn irritated with myself. i think it might have dropped when i took my stuff outta my bag. i hope it dropped in my locker. if not i shall be downright fucking pissed with myself. and the worst part is that i dun think anyone sells the original battery in singapore. grr.

my friend commented that i've lost my tan...

when i still had a tan.... i think i need to go tanning soon.

so... ended up the feller did not give me the number to call and i had to send in resumes to the companies. he did however, give me the names to address the resume to and was kind enough to put himself as a referral, even offering to call the persons if they do not remember him. i'm grateful. very. but i doubt i'll get the job. afterall, i do not even have my cert yet.

who knows, maybe in sept when i get my degree i may end up joining some government organisations or some banks. but for now, i'll be slacking around in zouk. speaking of which, for my workload as a barback, i'm so overpaid. i get paid to actually gossip and talk crap with people. of course, i am capable of mixing drinks and i do my part, what is expected of me is so low that i have the spare capacity to gossip around and chat about. life is quite enjoyable.

essay practice... for those who know, mwahaha. and for those who are clueless, let it be. i'm just doing something of no importance.

down with flu. started with sore throat, and somehow developed into a flu. so weird but whatever. i fall sick so easily. i'm so gonna miss the benefit of a company doctor if i leave zouk.

contemplating taking up a friend's offer and joining one of the big4... he said pwc is good, with nice office and all. but the thought of day job, waking up in the morning sounds so exhausting. people work from 9am to 5 pm, i sleep from 9am to 5pm. it will be a full 12hours difference. and i probably will have to hang out less with the bunch of friends whom i have grown to enjoy hanging around with.

now or later.
to be or not to be, that is the question - shakespeare.

天若有情天亦老
人若有爱多烦恼

when i die, i wanna be born as a wild wolf, in the free natural land. but is there such a heaven for wolves? or is human infiltrating all parts of earth already? can i request for a change of life? i'm so bored of mine already.

i know i have not been blogging actively these past weeks. indecision at times regarding my blogging content. so anyway, i have loads to whine and gripe about.

firstly, my manager talked to me regarding my studies, and my plans after. he even recommended the police force for fuck's sake. people who know me will probably laugh their ass off. qualifying for police force means i have to clear something like a bmt, which consists of running. i seriously cannot run to save my life. my stamina is absolutely horrible despite of my training back from npcc or lion dance or taekwondo. i just CANT run.
to add on to this, the assistant general manager, of even higher rank than my manager also showed some concern regarding my studies. i have no idea if i should be touched or suspect them of under some policy to show employees concern. i mean i am but a small negligible worker.

brought my sis to zouk on wed just to show her the place since she have not been there before. we went there, took a look and went to sing karaoke. so anyway, the workplace is such a scandalous place. doris thought my sis was my gf. and just the few days that i have been back, i have received comments like 'so who's ur gf now?' GRR... like wtf, is my image that bad? worse still. just yesterday, an idiot asked me if i had a gf already, why not and "i thought u player"... i am totally flabbergasted. loss of words. except for vulgarity. but anyway, just for the record, i kept quiet. decided not to waste my energy to talk to these people. either they think too highly of me or i just got that 'ask me stupid questions' face. whatever. i dun need my reputation. not interested in whatsoever relationship stuff. my brothers know me, and thats enough.

i think i have serious issues. people who like/liked me, for some strange reason i cannot treat them as friends. the friendship turns awkward and sometimes lost. i have no wish to hurt anyone but unwillingly hurt people. all i want is for everyone to be happy. i tend to unknowingly mislead people and when i realize that they have feelings for me, i run (if i do not reciprocate the feelings). as far and fast as i can. and by doing so, i have hurt them. i apologize. its just, i am not good at turning people down, and escapism is always tempting. people who really really know me will know that i am darn inexperienced in these kinda stuff. not to mention my EQ retardedness. i am slow as a tortoise, thick as a block. why must people like me when we are already friends? friends are forever, lovers are not. and when i do realize that the person likes me, it really makes me think thrice before going out with that person. its just awkward, like i cannot treat the person just like before and feel comfortable. i really must learn from renee or xinlin in this aspect. (they are both hot properties with a queue behind them. so amusing to be their friends.) i need to learn to ignore how others feel and just treat them like friends. but this seem to be more of high difficulty than to reconcile company statements from different country with random acquisitions.


random: i wanna lose weight. 瘦 自己看了也爽
random: i love my psp
random: i am a vainpot now. din used to shop for clothes, but i do now. shall strive to shop more.

world peace!

final exam finally over. i'm so going to fall sick again if i eat too much heaty stuff. shall restrain. i'm hungry. and tired. slept at 4.20am woke up at 7.30 for exam. luckily i asked my dad to fetch me. he came home to shit at 7.30am and woke me up. i managed to switch off my alarm in my sleep. and if not for him, i probably would have kissed the exam goodbye. and i threw all my notes away. i hope i wun need them in my work in the future.

feel so blue. have to go back to the shitty workplace again. i will miss slacking around at home. so freaking broke. 2 months of unemployment. the only consolation, i get a free movie treat from shawn wong^^ (soon).

random: maple here i come!

6 more days till my last paper. 6 more days till the end of my slack at home days. thinking of going back to work makes me feel so blue. yet i can't wait for my exam to finish. my brain may just explode anytime. last paper is auditing. theory theory. i'm a maths person. i hate theory papers. for the life of me i cannot remember all the past cases, all the statute laws, now how am i gonna scrape through this paper?

and maple is having some problems. i cannot play maple... the patch won't work and the website database is down. oh well. shall continue watching conan. i think i'm at episode 374. the wonders of internet.

these few weeks that i've been slacking at home, i think i overworked my poor computer, switching it on for 16hours a day, without rest. the minute i'm awake its on. this afternoon my solitaire actually hanged. was so shocked. it better not die so soon. i've got too many things i wanna buy to spare the cash for a new computer.