now i know why the new rollerblades come with shoelaces... the old school clip breaks after a few years... tried mine on just now and they broke... so despite the new looking blades i had, the clips broke and i had to do some art'n'craft to improvise... used my trusty no. 2 twine and all my campcraft skills, knots and loops, i managed to blade for a while. duration was short because i have absolutely no talent in rollerblading. should have bought a skateboard instead of blades. but then again, that decision was done in sec 3, like 8years back. so no point regretting. so anyway, i suck at rollerblading. might just dump my blades or leave them on top of my cupboard. and i still want a good skateboard... but i'm afraid i'm somewhat too old to learn. and sometimes my passion for sports dun really last so i need to think longer (i've thought about a skateboard for more than a year now)

spending way too much money nowadays. shopping and all. in fact, i just went for a midnight shopping at plaza singapura with my incestuous partner just now. first time i need not work and can go shopping. bought some stupid boxers, more singlets and a polo tee. speaking of which, i'm going ikea next wed with mom and sis. i'm in desperate need of hangers. my wardrobe still has space for folded clothes but its such a chore to pick out a shirt. i think i need to abstain from buying clothes a little bit. i dun go out that much anyway, so not much opportunity to wear my going out clothes... at least for now. but whatever. it makes me happy.

save up save up. after exam go shopping with xinlin, my 1/2 fashion adviser. she recommended seah street. though i doubt i'd get clothes there with my current capital constraint and valuation, i still wanna take a look. for reference. and also go shopping with xiaodi... she's quite good with advice as well. last time i went out with her i spent almost $200.

really worried for my exam. past 3 papers seem to be quite badly done. make me wary of looking for a day job only to find that i still have to go back sch because i din manage to graduate. god, guanyin, allah, shiva, confucious... i'm praying. give me a miracle. and by miracle, i want to pass my exams with alright results. i dun want other miracles, have been specific. so pretty pleeeeaaassee???

hard to believe that my younger sister is introducing me to gay shows... but then again, i know she just like to watch hot guys... cute.

anyway, is the only one i've watched despite her whole dvd of them. and i like it just because it has a happy ending. and upon hearing that the rest has sad endings i couldn't bring myself to watch. its nice to watch happy endings and feel encouraged about the world. disillusion or what, i don't care.

what is it with people who cannot understand plain mutual friendship... when i talk about girls, plain friends, or go out with them, they seem to think that i fancy the girl. when i say i'm not interested in relationship at the moment, I MEAN IT. earlier today i was walking past zouk with xin lin (coz i wanted to say hi to chicken but she was on leave today) someone saw us from the carpark... somehow, i can feel the gossip brewing. again. its been months since i've been explaining that there's nothing going on between us and i'm tired. i don't care anymore. shall not be bothered to explain myself. and i know xin lin is not going explain so yea, whatever. we are both not obliged to explain to anyone... speaking of which, i miss CHIA KAI LUN! its been weeks since i've seen him... i miss hearing him speak in his way which is kinda rude but yet funny like anything... miss seeing him make fun of xin lin, talk bad about customers etc... yet i'm not missing working at zouk despite not being there for a few weeks. i'm actually happily slacking off at home.

my cousin and my sister seem to think that i'm scandalous... i wonder why. i have done nothing at all. so indignant. i know i have done nothing wrong, and i'm just being nice as a friend, being polite. yet even i feel that i'm scandalous. shits.

i used to be ugly, but i ain't no duckling
there is no happy ending
loner lonewolf
wanders
never-ending

my neighbour kid is playing on the recorder now... can remember vaguely that i was rudely awaken by the exact same noise early in the morning like 10+... feel like breaking the noise making instrument into half... the warped tune of eldelweiss is stuck in my head. grr.

i made unhealthy spam fried rice... and to my surprise, it turned out alright... yay. and whew... the meal was all done in 30 minutes... no wonder they say fried rice is the dish to made when there is a time constraint.

yesterday night my sis and i overspent on our dinner... $20 for the both of us. but luckily i made fried rice which kind of rescues our budget... anyway, i think my parents are kiasu... gave my sis allowance of $150 for our meals for the 5 days they are not around... not that we can spend them all of course... its for scenarios like 'what if we dun have money' which i think is really redundant... like what could happen...

anyway, thats $30 spent on these two days. if only my mom could taste my fried rice... but then again, she will probably nag bout the contents. there IS a reason why i called it unhealthy fried rice. spam, crabstick and meatballs mix with rice. plus eggs. just cant imagine my mom insisting that i add vegetables to the fried rice... haha. gross. vegetable fried rice....

weather is killing me. singapore is so going up in flames. and they say may and june will be hotter. just kill me.

think my butt is not firm enough to support my weight... hurts from cycling at east coast park.

anyway, random song by kenji wu.

为你写诗 - 吴克群

爱情 是一种怪事
我开始全身不受控制
爱情 是一种本事
我开始连自己都不是

*为你我做了太多的傻事
第一件就是为你写诗

为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏 所有情歌的句子
我忘了说 最美的是你的名字

爱情 是一种怪事
你的笑容是唯一宗旨
爱情 是一种本事
我在你心里什么位置

*- chorus

你喜欢的人未必喜欢你
相同的
对你有意思的人你又未必看得上
一对人 互相喜欢 几率渺茫
我们都不是随便的人
爱情来得特别不容易
感情世界 我已迷惘
无所期待 我 放弃


my parents are going to be out of town from wed to sun... shall make fried rice for dinner on thurs. my sis is so going to be thankful... junk food fried rice. my meals in between are going to be so unhealthy... can just anticipate the KFC, macs, since they sent us coupons, shall make good use of them... and maybe shall make some salad in between since i have some leftover mayonnaise... hope i dun grow fat. maybe i will eat muesli bars for some meals...

studying at home, i'm so bored. and yet, there is this urgent need to study. i need a miracle.

just met up with my squadmates (from sec sch) earlier in the day, after just 1 hr of sleep...went to chilled around in sentosa, slacked around...

anyway, found out from their conversation that the people who used to be crooked back in those days, have all turned straight... i din give two hoots for them back then and i still cannot care less for them now. its just that, maybe, somehow, all these femmes are going to eventually turn straight, hook up with a guy, and in the future, marry, give birth and rear their children... so what does that leave us bungs? an eternity of loneliness? no wonder ah kai said that people like us are meant to live out our lives alone, with no one but people like us... sounds so... depressing, resigned to fate...

i guess i am quite lucky in the sense that i have never seen much need for friends, being a loner most part of my life... and its only recently that i began having friends... having opened up to people... back in those days i behaved pretty much like an autistic person, seldom talking, always dark and brooding...
so anyway, i guess love, relationships all these are just extra perks in life. i will survive without them and having them will just be an additional bonus. yep. i will definitely survive. just as long as i have my games and my tv.

friends, easy to make, easy to lose. i need to remember not to rely on such emotions too much, so that if one day my friends all decided to drop me like a hot potato, i can still roll on. (eh tu, Brutus?) a word i learnt from shakespeare's Caesar: stoicism (somewhat reflects my idea that with no expectations brings no disappointment)

managerial economics topic 7 : production, factor demands and costs
will you be my friend?