6 more days!!!

i still have two more papers to go but i'm already in a holiday mood... the feeling is quite mixed up... half excited that freedom is quick approaching, and yet depression at the thought that i may fail and end up wasting 3 years. i don't really mind the time wasted since time is of no issue to me, but the amount of money wasted, thats what i care about... and if i really do fail again, my parents are going to go on about me being failure for the rest of my life... i know they will. i know them too well.

here i am trying to study but in a holiday mood, using the thought of failure to force myself study but its just making me depressed and even moodless to study. I AM A FAILURE!!! times like this i wish i was not born... i'm just too lazy and worthless to be given a life... like i always said, living is tiring...

REALIZATION!!!

10 days later is my last paper... after that i shall be free... no more lessons, exams... no more mugging at home... i can start living?

i seriously need to get out in the sun... i'm so freaking pale i look like a corpse... the last time after exam i swore to get a tan, but did not get it in the end... no one go tanning with me, plus i was busy working... this time though, i will definitely tan myself... sick of looking pale... even if i have to go to the beach alone, i will just find a way to west coast park, find a comfortable spot and lounge there till i get a tan... or maybe i'll just go hiking around singapore, from my house walk till zouk, then bathe and wait for work. i'm going to be so darn free anyway...

pretty excited...
list of what i'm going to do after my exams:

- sun tan, stop looking like a 'xiao bai lian'
- sleep, dedicate more time to my bed
- play games, completing the games that i've bought and have not finished
- hang around and do stuff which are not that costly (eg. window shopping)

sighz... just realised that i've not that much stuff to do anyway... i'm a no-life geek... its a lucky thing that i can really get into my games, and playing games for the whole day is fine with me... probably will play games when i wake up, take a nap then go to work. that will pretty much take the whole day. if possible i'll probably take up a part time job in the weekdays afternoon, so that i can have extra money, and then i can take my girl out for food and fun...

oh and i'm only 55kg when i've stopped eating for 2 days... my normal weight is still 57. oh well... cant be that bothered with my weight anyway... as long as all my clothes can fit me i guess...

if i fail this exam, i probably will end up as a bartender till i'm too weak and cant work there anymore...

sick

so embarrassing... had to fall sick while staying over at my gf's home... fever of 38.4-39.4 degrees... i think that would be my highest record unless her thermometer is faulty... felt quite bad for her because i was all listless and not fun at all... in fact i was half dead... she had to play nurse and apply iced towel and everything... couldn't switch the fan on although she was darn hot because i was cold and near shivering... totally disgraced myself...

so anyway, i just weighed myself... after a heavy breakfast... i weighed barely 55.5kg... like rite... i lost 1.5kg again... i'm so reaching my dream weight of 55kg... my weight since 10years back... @.@

wonder if i can sell my before and after pictures to slimming centres... because seeing the doctor yesterday costed me freaking $42!!! its been such a long time since i had to pay to see a doctor... been going to the company doctor for free treatment and free medicine... for once i think the company benefits are good...

shall study hard for the next few days... but right now... i'm feeling slightly giddy... effects of the sickness battling with my medicine...

cake got flies!!!

took a cake, bit into it and was happily munching when i stepped into the light and saw 3 fucking insect on my cake.... first reaction, spit out cake into hand, hoping i have not chewed on any. second, flick the damn bugs off the cake... third, determine if i should still consume the cake...
couldn't bring my self to eat it... i did like the cake and it was quite expensive... but seeing the bugs happily roaming on my cake, how could i eat it =( what a waste of nice cake...

and now i'm still slightly hungry...stupid bugs... i hope they burn in hell... and den get eaten by an anteater... or lizard...

MILO!!!!

my craving for milo is acting up again!!! ooh, juz realised that i have not consumed my favourite drink for more than two weeks already...

my addiction to milo.... milo milo milo milo milo milo!!!!

tiring day...

what a busy day today was... i was alone at velvet b from 10+ and it started getting busy... had to work really fast in order to cope with the orders... my in-charge finally came back to the bar at 12midnight. den we started running out of stuff... from mixer jugs to rock glasses... my muscles ache... but yeah... it will keep me from growing fat despite my eating junkfood all the time...

whatever... i'm going to sleep.... dear bed... you look sexy~

i tink i'm sick

how come my blogger new format looks weird? can barely figure out where to type the text...

anyway... i think i've got a fever... too much aircon... switching it on and off... coz when its on i'll feel cold... and when its off i'll feel hot... ended up switching it on and off... and feeling feverish this past two days... headache lurking around the corner too (though i suspect its because i think too much...)

thinking too much... its like valentines a few months back, i wanted to go clarke quay to take a walk, and visit my old workplace... anw i asked a girl along just because i din want to go alone... loiter alone in clarke quay sounds pretty pathetic... after that i din really keep in contact with her... just recently she joined my workplace... din really suspect that she likes me even a little until last saturday when she messaged me : are u working tonite?
me: nope. on leave.
she: oh...so sad... cannot see u...
anyway i din reply... thought it was best not to do so as i din want any misunderstanding or be mean to her... coz i have absolutely no interest in her... not my type...

so anyway, because i did not want to drive to expo for my exam early in the morning coz i had a date after, and the parking fees would totally kill me... i took the transport home from work... this girl living somewhere near me takes the same transport as me... was talking to joel regarding the clubbing tomorrow when he asked this girl along...

i think i must have looked extremely huggable today because my classmate suddenly hugged me after our exams... she was too relieved i think... and being me, i was stunned and stoned... i think i'm only used to hugging sophia... (she treats me like a personal teddy bear :P)... and twice when the girl i mentioned above walked past me, she had her arms open, like she wanted a hug... i totally stoned and turned sideways, called her crazy and walked away... natural reaction... i am NOT a touchy-feely person... if a person i'm not close to touches me i get all freaked out...and i do not get close to a person fast either... took me more than 5 years juz to become good friends with my sis...(that why i said u are special, sophia... be glad...)

so anyway i was scared that if she does go clubbing with the others tomorrow she might stick to me so i told her that i'll be joining my gf's group first... through sms of course... if i said it to her face i'd probably get a fever from blushing... have not really used the term "gf" before... and i did not want her to stick to me because i've got my gf to think of (and of course i would feel uncomfortable)... did not want to be misunderstood by sophia...if she gets upset i probably would not feel too good either...

yea, i'm getting a headache from thinking this much... never had to think about such stuff before... no previous gf or anyone liking me... now this sounds pathetic... even to myself... argh... my brain is officially off duty and refuses to do overtime... so i am going to bedzzzzzz......

guilt

i have always bathed before i go to sleep, esp after work or clubbing... no matter how tired/ drunk i was... and yet, i juz woke up in my bed at 1pm, and the last thing i remember was reaching home... felt so horribly guilty... now my bed is going to stink =(

so anyway, awake and hungry i showered and scavenged for food and i know that the guilt is going to prevent me from getting any further sleep... study it shall be then... sighz..

velvet B

been at velvet b for two weeks already... theres only one word to describe working there. BORING!!! its almost like a mini bar 5, ever since the VIP seats were shifted to right in front of bar B... giving out so much glasses and ice, we kept having to get ice from the ice machine outside... my whole night was spent stoning and walking in and out of the bar... getting ice and such... i kept walking about partly because i was bored too... my new hobby is curently going out to get ice for the bar... walk at least 6 trips every night... i'm not complaining though... my only form of exercise...

i hate the long distance between where the bartenders stand and where the customers stand... its freaking hard to hear what they are saying... i can imagine one day a customer attempting to make himself heard, shouts and splatters saliva all over my face, pissing the shit outta me... we all know how drunk/high people are...

my keyboard is spoilt... wireless... meaning i have to change my mouse along with it... damn... $$ sulks and pouts...