in case you are still interested,

I HAVE MOVED. :)

http://jeslinewrites.wordpress.com/



on and on

it has been years and i forgot when it started. it disturbs me everyday, different time in a day. most times it makes me depressed and many times it makes me u-g-l-y. when you grow up more and more, it makes you feel sick even if you are not sick. they are stubborn on me just like tattoo. i'm gonna head to the doctors.

when i am well again. i will wear dresses every single day. :)

recently, it gets me high looking at my new-found love, the little black book. it is still pretty much under construction and i can't wait for inspiration to come and for it to be done. i made friends with guitar today. i am so excited and for a moment i realised it wasn't so much as no-brainer as it looks. for a music idiot, it is surely not easy at all. but i had plenty of fun and surely some day i will just hug a guitar and worship God with it yay. i come to admire those who can play with music. although i guess its not my strength, i am having a hella lot of fun learning it. i feel happy having an old friend coming by just to say hi to me on the streets and having some good company while walking down the streets at night. i fall much more in love with justin timberlake. God just drops in surprises that blows me away. I searched high and low for mr billy graham's quote and was about to turn the national library upside tomorrow to find his quote when jeanette says she happened to chance upon the quote i wanted today. the laptop is almost fixed as i talked to dell almost everyday. printed some 10bucks worth of notes. no special mood for school. just wanna spend some time on friday with B1, B2, jialing and meifeng and a superb time of spiritual sharing with my bestie tmr night.

life is so happening.



where you will be
school begins today. B1 is away this week, B2 is always playing with me. for a moment i hope there will be someone who is frank with me, people who is ready to pull me aside, ask me tough questions, confront me. well, much expectations leads to much disappointment. I am pretty discouraged (but it will end here). =[ nevertheless, i am still looking forward, still have a deep desire to study hard and to do better this school term and also to include God in the picture.

God just reminded me that any where is holy ground when He is in it. I pray Lord that my every moment i will be conscious of your presence. may every moment of joy include you, every moment of love include you, every moment of pain include you..





you're irreplaceable

this is probably the last post of 2007. *cheers* i'm excited that we are so closed to 2008. the nostalgic feeling is already stirring within.

this year, i have had real dear friends who are away from me for months. it is a test of friendship and it also goes to show true friends stay the same even if we haven't have all the time to spend together. we still talk, still play, still laugh at old jokes like they were new ones and enjoy the companionship.

however there were also regrets like i hope i could be there at the moment of need or to be in more effort for people. maybe if so, some other people wouldn't have drifted away. many times, i still think of you.

this year, i experienced an unforeseen painful situation in the family. i don't know if it had put people closer together. i feel the pain deep within i can't describe. sometimes i wondered why. other times i wondered how. But then again, i feel God's presence goes forth in it all, His kind of assurance that all of us will be alright, even those who haven't believe in Him.

At home, i just know God is working, it's one and a half years i am with Hope. I didn't start off with my family agreeing with all i am doing but from one and a half years back till today, i know God has brought me so far. Sometimes i get to lay hands and pray for my mum as she requested. I have people at home asking me about God. The prayers behind the closed doors were heard. God has poured some much miracles at home. God is faithful, i can't deny.

this year, i started my year in SIM. I love to study since a long time back. A love to study and do well was my dream. My achievements are my pride. My expectations ain't unreasonable when measured with the effort i put in. It was also so that after the many times i didn't meet expectations, i wanted to give up.

when school started this year, i was fearful. haha. it's a silly way to describe school. i loved school, i loved to study, didn't i? i am afraid of the vicious cycle of a disappointment nightmare. i am done with my first year in SIM now. I love school because I have God with me in school now unlike all my other school years. I don't have fantastic results still, i still have stress and frown sometimes. But God is really awesome. :)

this year, i faced the first major change in ministry. i admit that i hate changes. then again, who does? haha. the anxieties, worries, uncertainty is a big stone upon the heart. i struggled and i am glad i did. many directions were clearer now, many convictions were tested and today these convictions were firmer than before.

i moved out from the neighbourhood of lala land to make friends with the reality. who says whatever we are doing is easy business. it's not but i am glad i am part of the team, part of the ministry, part of the kingdom. everyone belongs somewhere. i found my answer, i belong here, in your kingdom. where do you belong?

this year, i made a covenant with God. i want to know more, i want to discover more. His plans, my passions, His directions, my strengths. I don't know how i will be like in the future but like i tell guanzhen, for now till the day i see God face to face, its a continual renewal of choice everyday. everyday, waking up to tell God that i will choose Him again.

yesterday, guanzhen reminded me about the first love who never fails. that's God. till the day im married, i still want to love Him most.

this year, i had the craziest christmas. i am really weary to the bones. everyday i wake up the last three weeks asking God if i am going to die already. I didn't write a single card till after christmas, i didn't do any christmas shopping. i am sorry if this caused anyone at all to be disappointed. i will manage more wisely next year.

so, i asked myself. would you still want to be so busy next year, the year after next and the following years to come. i thought and only have one answer. i want and i want. i never had a christmas that is a filled-up to the brim before. it wasn't the activties. it was the process of participating in a worthy cause. one that may change someone else's eternity. although i really may seem to be dying, i am really very happy working with people, learning and looking to God in this season. i thank God for being in all the small things. :)

to the people around me who has impacted me in one way or another. thank you. :)

the baggages of unworth, regrets and burdens i am handing them over.
year 2008 has to be better! i am turning 21st in the year 2008.
A woman of God, no more daddy's little girl.



this is unspoken

post-christmas period. this is so amazing every other thing is on sale. ladies, come on lets do shopping! haha. anyway, i did plenty of meet-ups and catch-ups and its gonna continue all the way till school starts next next week. :) life can't be more happening.

i am gonna type a list of random message for random anonoymous friends.
yes, friends not strangers. haha.

****
i am so glad you are around this two months. although life has been a rush and we can hardly sit and spend the entire day doing nothing, i am really touched by the few short times we spent. i feel like tearing when i read your card. silly bum, it's such a blessing to be such good buddies now especially through the not-so-good times we used to have last time. i hope i don't give you any stress about the things i hope you could do with me. i know things has been tough and because we are good budds, count me in through the lousy times 'cause we'll go through it together-you, me, Jesus. i can't offer more but always a listening ear, a helping hand. :) you are the only one who thanked me for me. jesline is really beginning to like jesline more. haha.

the spherical and the skinny. haha. i just enjoyed our fellowship so much more this year. the little things we do together count so much and it just adds up to a big bunch of love, care, support and concern in my life. i didn't say enough, but i appreciate it.


old friend. haha. can't believe it has been one and a half years already. i hope i never have to claim my last ( ) session from you but even so we owe each other some precious time to catch up. thanks for being the source of encouragement all the time and i think i need alot more till the end of the race. haha. you know, i am so afraid of seeing you around yet have nothing to talk. it's silly thoughts im entertaining but talk to me okay! :)

****

the oldies class photo

ohfourassohfive!

it's like some rare occasion.
vanvan,cheongjl and me + fengjie,lois lindsay and liyanna!

study caregroup :)

christmas service. :)
ah lin, you are loved alot!
buddy, you are still buddy no matter what.



merry christmas


merry christmas! :)

my second christmas with the Lord.
the reward of christianity is Christ. 20 years of my life, best gift i've receive is still salvation.

if i were one of them holding the placards,
mine will read-
BROKEN pride on one side and on the other side it will read God's love RESTORED me.
healing is what the Lord has done for me.
thank you are just two words that are understatement.

the last few weeks got me head over heels, however i am glad i got a teaser of what faithfulness is like. i work with inspiring models of Christ-followers, teamwork is key, when serving the Lord planning and excellence is a must. Time should not compromise your effectiveness. I think i wasn't at my most best, but God has been very gracious and faithful, things that don't seem right just falls in place, even for the slighest details. i can't imagine myself talking to the laptop, talking to the internet connection, telling God that these can't fail me at the last hour. Phew, it's all over now. :)

The year is coming to an end and the next is coming...
Some dreams are meant to be dreamt anew, with a new perspective. I am so anticipating..



won't you get up and dance

i literally leave home within half an hour after i wake up this entire week. the alarm, i can never hear it ringing. for a moment, i hope i could blame myself if i have heard the alarm yet went back to sleep. BUT, i really didn't hear it ring. so well. can't point fingers at anything.
i am amazed by myself all the time with things like that. how can that be?

my five loaves and two fishes. not alot that i could offer, but won't you take it, multiply it and turn it into something good. :) when i think of you, i just want to stand in awe, be a child and to start running in your love.

true freedom is found in His love. God's love.
are you bound? relationships, finance, education, health..
life is a burden but it becomes so light when you are in the embrace of a loving sovereign Almighty.



they call these memories.
snapshots in the head.
they last as long as they will last. sometimes shorter than what we wanted.
i hate to think of what i might forget in the future.
sometimes i just want to sit and stare at the people i love.

obsession is suicidal.

on another note, i am so looking forward to the future.
today, i dreamt some dreams with God.
but still before i am there,
the key to the future. safe keep for me.



love never fails

serene, my fellow colleague, has this cross manget and on it says love never fails. today, these three words spoke so much. i stepped into the office with a big mess waiting for me to clear and a blur jesline doesn't help. i can only say, God is really very gracious.

i just can't contain it whispered to tell jeanette that God is very good to me. i mean i am surely undeserved. dedicated a portion of lunch to thank God and memorise Psalms 23 :) i love it big time.

God is very real.
When i don't feel Him, i see the things He does in another person's life. It's so evident, i can't deny it. When i don't feel you the facts point to you, i can't deny it. many times it left my hair standing.

Bigger than my imagination, indeed.

love never fails. i am hopeless but you are my hope.

put honey in

i have officially lost track of time.
therefore i am unable to track which hoilday post i am at now, unless i count. well, i have no intentions to. haha. perhaps next post.

routines drive me nuts. i need to breakaway from normal. the strangeness of the alarm clock not ringing when its supposed to often leave me waking up in shock. haha. i need to break off not having to say a rush prayer, not having to let others feel that i am busy. I AM NOT. this is not busyness but the routine of a fill to the brim life. however, it isn't the best representation either because i am not managing very well. haha. anyhow, don't get the wrong idea. i love my life. haha. it's just like how some people can be in love with a neat piece of mess.

how much will one do for another.
if there is love, there is commitment, there is responsibility, there is effort.
if any is missing, love isnt complete.



#22 fairest land

you will kiss the hurts, kiss the wounds and kiss the scars
say you love them this much that i never know
wipe the tears
say it's all okay now because you are here.



i abhor this. way alot. roars.
day 22nd of hoildays. i realised i am leading upsidedown life. i tried rushing home for no good reasons and i heard God saying didn't you ask to walk beside still waters? and so i slowed down my footsteps. why am i rushing, chasing after time, chasing after the train, chasing after that thought, chasing about you? my God is not in a rush. i slowed down and set my thoughts in Him instead. Things just turn around thereafter. :)





#21 i hope we danced

i'm utterly hopeless, i think.
as i see it, wasting away day after day. if the potter ain't shaping me, i'm a pile of useless clay. disconnecting yourself from the vine is as good as counting your own death, just as much rotting inwardly and outwardly. you have seen the living dead yet?

the everlasting one who doesn't change His mind. He never changes His mind about me. In my hopelessness, I see a God of Grace.

when i can't trace your hands, i want to trust your heart. trust you like how you always were.

xoxoxoxo

There is nothing we can do to make God love us more. There is nothing we can do to make God love us less-- Philip Yancey

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