Four years.

Four.

That was the length of my blog break.   I'm guessing that whomever once followed me will not be here anymore, and that is fine.  I'm still going to start again.  The words and feelings batting around inside my brain need a place to go...and this is the place.  Safe.

So much has happened over the span of my 4 year hiatus.  The biggest and hardest being the loss of my younger sister, Diane, just one month after my final blog post of 2013.  It still feels somewhat unreal.  It's not.  And that one loss set a spiral of change into motion...one that has forever changed who I am.

We left our sweet, first home about 1 year later.  I do miss it.  Never really thought I'd say that, but its true.  It was small, too small for our family...but that smallness kept us close.  Our new home is bigger...it fits us and it's becoming more and more ours as we live here.  It's finally starting to really feel like home...

Colin is 14.  Ty is 11. Eden is 7. Terra-dog is 5.  It is true what they say...the days are long and the years are short.  And what we all come to realize is that life is so easy when they're little.  If we could just stay there a bit longer....
Parenting is hard at this stage.  Life is hard at this stage.  The "finish line" is within sight and yet I don't particularly want to get there.  How is it possible that I have a kid in high school!?

I feel like somewhat of a failure for not documenting the past 4 years of our life.  Oh, there are bits of documentation here and there...social media posts, mainly.  But the heart of what I feel and think does not make an appearance there.

I read through the years on the blog and I yearn to go back.  I want a do-over.  Is that normal, do you think?  Because what if I had handled just one thing differently...smarter?  Just one thing.  The opportunity to be a better Mom...to do better where I feel like I failed them.  The only choice is to move forward.  To start where you are.  To forgive yourself where you feel like you've failed and be better next time.  It's true in all life, not just Mom-life.

Inspite of my "mom fails" these children of mine amaze me every day.  They are incredible humans...not perfect, but good.  So good.  And, for some reason, God made me their Mom...probably more for them to teach me.  They are, and continue to be, the best thing I've ever done...

So, I'll start here.  This place that feels very much like middle life, because it is.  The angst of living life with some major regrets behind us and looking towards the unknown.  Pretty much just life, only now we're older and "wiser" and we realise things that we paid no attention to before.

balancing act

hello.  here i am.  we didn't perish, nor run away during one of the last, late snowstorms of the winter.  i'm still here...we're all still here.

i'm having a hard time managing this thing called my life.  originally this blog was born to help me focus on my blessings.  it was created months after the devastating loss of my pregnancy with baby girl Clementine, and allowed me to focus my attention on all the good things going on.  it's easy to get sucked into the sorrow and i couldn't let that happen.  this blog saved me then, and has been a bit of a history book for our family.  so, why have i left many, many chapters unwritten?  good question.  it's one i've been asking myself for months, but i think i have the answer...

  

as much as i love to blog about my family, it was starting to feel like a job.  it was starting to be a source of guilt.  i was not enjoying it anymore.  and, in some ways, it was keeping me from being present with my kids.  also, let me be honest, it's frustrating to feel like you're writing into thin air.  the only people reading my blog are the ones we see almost daily, comments were becoming scarce, i started to feel like what i had to say wasn't good enough...my inner critic was ripping me apart.

not a good feeling.

so, i've taken a break.  i'm still self-evaluating.  i'm still deciding if this blog still has a place in my life.

we're incredibly busy, as one might assume, with 3 energetic, inquisitive kids.  we're running a lot.  we've had a busy summer with lots of trips to the pool, a road trip (here and there), sports camps (for some), friends, and house projects...always house projects...

the most important thing, however, is that we're all still here.  together.  healthy.  (most the time) happy.

school starts in 8 days.  8. days. (((((sigh)))))

back to routine.  back to reality.  back to blogging?  we shall see...

Dear Mother Nature,

Uncle.  I give up.  Enough already.

I'm not sure you know this, but I'm fairly certain that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Are you trying to put me over the edge?  Do you want me to gag and lock my children in the dog kennel? (just kidding.)

 

It is mid-March.  Are you aware of that?  This kind of weather is more than acceptable to me in December, even January, but March?!  I'm not happy.  I'm unable to find any humor in these last few weeks.  Our kids will be on Spring Break next week.  This is not the kind of spring break I like...snow and cold.  Easter is on the 31st!  I have a little girl...are you going to deny me a darling spring dress!?

I guess what I'm saying is this....you're not making any friends pulling this crap.  Clearly you aren't concerned about that, because you must know how much people dislike this much snow and ice in February and March!  Maybe, just maybe, you'll listen to me now.  We want spring.  We want sunshine.  We are dying for some color!   Please....I'm on my knees begging you...

Sincerely,
{a very disgruntled} Rebecca

hi

I was reading one of my many favorite blogs the other day.  It had been a while since she had posted last (like, a week) and she started out by saying, "Remember when I used to blog every day"?

I laughed because that's how I feel, although I don't think I've ever blogged once a day...and my lapses are more like months than weeks...
Oh well, I can relate anyway.

So, remember when I used to blog more regularly?  Me either....  :)

I am FINALLY getting into a routine again since Christmas.  I know that sounds pathetic, but as much as I love Christmas it sucks the life out of me.  And this year we had sickness...blah!
Anyway, I've finally gotten on a cleaning routine again (the chores have yet to make a comeback, I'm afraid, but I'm working on it), we have a Basketball tournament on Saturday and then it's OVER, I finally feel like meal planning again....

perhaps I have seasonal mood disorder?!  :)

I'm ready to tell you the real reason I haven't been blogging.  It's dog hair.  I've been doing nothing but vacuuming dog hair since I blogged last!  I'm kidding, of course...but I have been doing a lot of vacuuming due to dog hair.  I do love Terra, but this dog's hair is OUT. OF. CONTROL.
Our first dog, Mazzy, was a Weimaraner.  She shed, but NOTHING like this lab!  Holy moly!  I've decided that vacuuming once a day is a must, but that's not happening so I'm trying to get to it twice a week...and then accepting that we're probably ingesting a certain amount of dog hair and that it's just helping us with our immunities in some way.  That's the only way I can sleep at night.

We also have birthdays coming out our ears!  Eden's was Feb. 5, Ty's is the 22nd and then Colin's is March 7th.  I'm beyond broke!  And, almost sick of cake!!!  I do promise to post their birthday interviews...I'm trying to do that once a year with them...we'll see when I get around to that!  I'm making no promises!!!

I will post a few pics taken recently as I have been shamed for not putting more pics on the blog.  IF I still have readers, here they are...

He's slouching a bit in this picture and look how tall he is!
Not close to 7ft, but close enough to my height that I want to cry!!

And this guy, 4 ft.  Why did I take these pictures?  I'm a masochist, of course!

Eden's birthday outing with Miss Kimmy (her BFF)...Build-a-Bear, or as I like to call it Empty-a-Wallet!
The little angel had fun, so it was worth it...I guess :)

Next time birthday interviews!  Funny to think that I started this blog 4 years ago blogging about Ty turning 3!  Time sure flies....

Peace.

xoxo

ordinary, average, everyday

I need more pictures on this blog, eh?

I agree.

Today is one of my 2 days off.  I was supposed to have an acupuncture appointment, but Eden is feverish yet again! *sigh*  I was up before the sun, made school lunches, scrambled around the house to find $6 for Colin's Recorder order for music, drove the boys to school and came right home.  Wrote a very long, kinda disgruntled letter to the school principal, sorted laundry and washed some blue jeans so Ty wouldn't have to wear sweatpants to school again tomorrow (NOT in the running for Mom of the year today), and let the dog in/out for the 1000 time.

I know that these days will be long gone before I know it, and that I'll wish I had them back.  But, I'm just really tired of the mundane right now.  What I need is a vacation...somewhere warm and sunny with my family EVERY January.  Is that too much to ask for?  :)

I resolve to do better about posting pictures...

Happy Tuesday!

2013

Happy New Year!

We enjoyed a busy, but sick, holiday season.  It must have been intuition to use the quote from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on our Christmas card this year...

"Welcome Christmas!  Bring your cheer!  Cheer to all Who's far and near!  Christmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp.

Christmas day will always be, just as long as we have we".

And, We had We...We spent a lot of time alone this holiday due to one sick person, or another.  Eden, Ty and I missed the Forcht Christmas get-together on the 23rd because those two were sick.  That was a huge bummer! Thankfully my Mom and Dad still came out to our house on the 24th and spent the night with us even though Eden was sick.  Unfortunately my Dad and I both got sick on Christmas day!  Then we had a small break from illness until New Year's Eve, when Colin got sick, cancelling out our plans for the evening.  

Regardless, it was still a nice holiday.  We had the opportunity to spend the last night of Hanukkah with my sister and her family, and got to see my niece, Lillian, in the Rose Theatre's production "Madeline's Christmas".  I'm glad we didn't miss that!

So... things can only get better from here, right?  We at least started 2013 all healthy! {Colin's fever gradually went down on New Year's Eve and was gone on New Year's Day}.  The kids are back in school, and now I can start my very cliche January cleanse...fresh slate!

Hope you holidays were happy!  I'm off to continue my purge!

days 28, 29, and 30

Well, I did it...kinda.  I am amazed that I even managed to stop by my own blog as often as I did this month.  I'm sure that it wasn't that interesting for you all, but you must remember that I do this primarily to document our lives :)

It's technically December now, but I must finish the month off.

Day 28.  I was grateful that day to have a few extra minutes to run an errand before having to pick up Eden & then the boys.

Day 29.  I was grateful for my awesome Mother-in-law and brother-in-law, Andy, who made it possible for Chris to join me at my office Christmas party.  We had a last minute basketball practice pop up for Colin and Uncle Andy came through for us, driving Colin to and picking him up from BB practice.  My M.I.L was sweet enough to keep the kids for us that night.  She fed them dinner and then sent us a text later that night letting us know the kids were asleep and not to worry about picking them up until morning.  BONUS!!

Day 30.  Let me be honest here, I'm thankful to be finished with 30 days of thanks.  Is that wrong?  :)

Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

days 23, 24, 25, 26, and 27

We had a whirlwind holiday weekend, starting off with Thanksgiving at my Mother-in-Law's, then an Iowa vs. Nebraska football party on Friday, and the rest of the weekend was devoted to mourning our sweet, little, furry Gussy -Wussy (my Mom and Dad's dog), who died on Saturday.

It has been a very difficult time for my Mom and Dad, who loved him so much!  I am very thankful that they/we were able to have him around for 12 1/2 years.  He will be greatly missed!

So, here is what I am/ have been thankful for these last 5 days:

I'm thankful that I was able to be a shoulder to cry on, and hopefully a supportive family member.  I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to work some things out, hear some complaints, and offer my opinion on certain things.  (I'm not trying to be vague here, but I do not really wish to go into detail here.  Some things are better left private.  But, I was extremely thankful to have had this situation...hopefully the walls will remain down).

I'm thankful that Gus did not have to suffer alone, and that he was well loved and taken care of in his final moments.

I'm thankful for my parent's vet, who was a huge comfort to them and who went well out of her way to help them care for Gus.

I'm thankful that my sister Karen and I were able to be there to comfort my Mom and Dad.  Thanks Chris, for making it possible for me to spend some time with them without the kids.  (And, I'm thankful that they have each other to grieve with).

I'm thankful that I got to know Gus really well.   He was a sweet and kind dog.  He was so good with all the kids (and all our other pets).  He was all of ours to love.  I'm thankful that he had the opportunity to see all of us before he left us.  I'm pretty sure he was holding on for that...

Gus
"the last of the firsts"

We'll miss you Gus!  

day 21 and 22

I'm thankful that I'm not hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year.  Although it is my favorite holiday, hosting is quite a task and I'm glad to have a break from it his year.

That being said, I'm Thankful that my Mother-in-Law is having us all to her house today.  I'm thankful that all I had to cook was a double batch of my 5 million- calorie mashed potatoes!  :)

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.  I hope you have a blessed day!

"God asks us to give thanks in all things because He knows the feeling of joy begins in the action of 

  Thanksgiving".

                        -One Thousand Gifts

                            Ann Vaskamp

day 20

I'm thankful for technology.

day 16, 17, 18 and 19

Oh boy...good intentions, but I've fallen behind!

So, let's play catch up, shall we?

I'm thankful for our pets.  Our new puppy Terra and our Old Gussy Wussy (my Mom and Dad's dog), Eliza (my sister Karen's dog), Mazzy (our 3 year old Weimeraner who died 9 years ago) and Lucy dog (my sister Karen's dog who died about 1 1/2 years ago).  These are the pets whom I've been lucky enough to have relationships with.  These pets have and do bring me joy.  They are wonderful comforters, great listeners, and always happy to see you.  I feel blessed to have had/ have them in my life.

I'm thankful for laughter.

I'm thankful for children with healthy immunity systems.  IF they ever catch the bug that's running rampant, it's usually a kinder and gentler version than what their peers seem to get.  (I'm really hoping I'm not going to regret writing that).  This year it's been a pretty nasty stomach bug...vomit and diarrhea!  Thankfully, so far, Ty's only had some dry heaving with a very low grade fever (plus the other, but I may be giving too much information...sorry)!


And, I'm thankful for Iowa Public TV for days when I'm not feeling well.  Because I, too, am lucky enough to share in the rampant bug floating around the school.  (Again, so far a much milder version)!

Ok, I'm caught up.  Hope you're all well and happy...