Well, it really depends on which continent you're on, in this case.. i'm talking about the southern hemisphere. Spending my summer vacation with cold weather in western australia. The company is even more awesome than ever, jammers. So a not-so-deep secret was kept from sarah since April, while everyone knew about my plans to come to australia, she was kept in the dark. While everyone was passing me stuffs and giving away lots of hints, she remained oblivious. It certainly was to my advantage (:

I touched down and headed straight to the college with the other bestfriend picking me up. When I appeared in front of sarah's room door, she stared at me for a good 10seconds. Her reaction was hilarious. Oh gosh, it's been so long since i've thought of a road trip or holiday with friends, but to think of it, this is one ain't it? ahhh. It's gonna be a really good week. The both of them have been babysitting me pretty well and I realised I know so many other people in perth, it's crazy. Met at least 5 different people, some randomly. Gonna leave you with a picture ((: Can't believe i'm gonna be back in LA so soon either. See how time flies. Anyway, happy birthday to the parents!

Take a breath

I pull myself together

Just another step till I reach the door

You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something

To take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there's so many thing that I want you to know

I won't give up till it's over

If it takes you forever I want you to know

When I hear your voice

Its drowning in a whisper

It's just sink and bones

There's nothing left to take

And no matter what I do I can't make you feel better

If only I could find the answer

To help me understand

Dear Bianca,

Today, I came to PLAY. I remembered you. You crossed my mind so many times till i broke down and cried. It seems so wrong to be partying and grieving at the same time. The music's blasting, there's so many people around me, yet I feel so lonely inside. Nonetheless, I know that you'll want me to party like before. It's so hard. I wished you got well again, I wished you were here, except you'll never be. Didn't think it'll affect me so badly, but it did. I'm gonna take sometime to recover from this sadness. But when I do, it'll be all for you.

Love,

Alex, 0026.

So i realised 2 things. One, the last time I saw bee was at the herstory party, so that's a correction to my previous post. Second, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett has also passed on. I wonder, is Bianca and Mj gonna have their own jamming session? it'll be cool won't it? Since both love music.. lol.

You know, I was telling Ruby.. it might sound freaky, but.. I have visions of bee being around still. When i'm at PLAY, i can imagine her sitting by the bar, chilling and hanging out. Just last year, this time.. she was on stage with the other andro hunt contestants. When i'm walking around the streets, I can vision her among the crowded sea of faces. It feels like she's still in the hospital. Every time I'm alone, the thought of her crosses my mind. There was another 1 minute of silence for her last night. Irene cried too. So did many. I was glad that two queens did it as a mark of respect. sigh, till then.

Dear Bianca,

We had a memorial for you today. I had second thoughts of going, mainly because.. it wasn't right, I wasn't ready to say goodbye, neither did I want to. Nevertheless, I went for it and I saw many familiar faces, two queens helped host the event. I hugged Ruby and Nad. My tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably as i sobbed quietly during the one minute of silence. My body shivered when memories of us flashed across my mind. The first time I met you, the house parties and chill out sessions we had. The last hug you gave me, that meant the last time I had ever seen you.

We arranged to chill outside Starbucks when I was back on winter break. I told myself, an hour and a half max.. because I figure we'll have a really weird conversation and then I might wanna run off to escape the awkwardness. Likewise, you thought the same, or so I heard from Ruby. That day, we sat there for almost 4 and a half hours, just talking and talking.. and talking. Time flew by, I remembered. Neither of us wanted to leave because there was so much to say. We talked about our lives, making comparisons about the US and Singapore. We talked about prop 8 and the gay marriage ban in California. No one would have understood me better than you when we came to that topic. Nonetheless, we talked about the future. Your decision to study in one of the Art Universities, be it in New York or California.. I was excited to see you back in the US. We planned to chill at Huntington beach, go for LA/SF pride.. even if you were to study in SF, we would definitely fine a way to meet up. It got late and we had to go our separate ways. I walked you to the train station, we hugged and went our separate ways...

I had no clue that you were sick and in the coma for 2 months till I posted a random comment on your fb wall. I asked if you were going to be in butch hunt this year, but I never got a response from you. A couple of days later, Ruby sent me a message to let me know that you were in the hospital. I broke down and prayed you'll be okay when I got back for summer break. I looked forward to us meeting up and chilling just like old times. I had so much to tell you, every single detail about the life back in the US, but I never got a chance to. That week when I returned, your family sent you back to Houston, TX. I never really got to say goodbye, nor was I able to see you for the last time. Ruby and I talked so much about you.. She told me how you looked up to me because of the whole life in California and fighting for our rights.. it hit me so hard then, to know that I actually meant something to you.. & talking to Ruby, felt like it was the only way I could feel connected to you once again.

On 19th June 2009, you gave up that fight after 4 months. Everything still feels so surreal. I know that I have to let you go, but I can't seem to do so. I'm still having hopes that one day we'll head to Santa Monica pier and chill out with the guitar as you always do. I still feel that you're lying in the hospital and you'll wake up soon. I still have your number in my phone, in hopes that we'll talk again. I still have your picture with me on my wall in LA because you're someone that I can't forget so easily. I still want to go to LA pride with you. You'll recover soon, won't you? why did you have to go? Why did you God have to take you away?

Now, I make a promise that I will go to texas to say my last goodbye to you. It won't be anytime soon, but probably during winter or spring break. I'm not ready to let you go as yet. Every time I walk by wheel-lock place, I would think of you because you lived right there. I used to tell my friends in LA that I had a californian buddy back in Singapore. I used to turn to you to tell you about prop 8. You're sucha kiddo to me, and still is. I'm pretty much in denial still. I feel your presence around, and when I go to PLAY, i'll party for you. When I chill out at the queer places in Sg and LA, i'll do it in remembrance of you. I miss you bianca.

Love,

Alex.