Memorial

I met Frank Vargas along with his wife, Margaret, on President's Day weekend 2003.  Joe and I had gotten engaged over Thanksgiving and he wanted me to meet his parents.  So, we hopped in his Chevy Malibu and drove about 14 hours straight to Mitchell, NE.  I had never been in western Nebraska, and I was stunned by the landscape with the beautiful foot hills, the vast open areas, the dust, and the tumbleweed (my first time seeing it in person!).  I was a bit nervous to meet Frank and Margaret, but they were gracious to me and welcomed me into their family.  Margaret was the talker of the couple and I felt like I got to know her through her stories and jokes and her fabulous cooking.  Frank was always very sweet and made sure that we were all taken care of, but took a bit longer to get him talking.  We enjoyed the weekend as Joe showed me around his hometown and we spent time with his parents and his sister's family.

A little over a year later, Margaret passed away.  For the next 10 years I got to know Frank.  He was a quiet man, but when he talked you definitely wanted to listen.  He loved his family and taking photographs and gardening.  Joe talked to his dad almost every week and those calls were a highlight of his day each and every time.  Frank always ended his conversations by saying "Love you mi hijo".  Alex loved his Grandpa Vargas too.  He thought it was very fun to go metal detecting with him or exploring the Scottsbluff Monument.  One of the sweetest memories that I have (I wish I had a picture, but at least the memory is forever engrained in my mind) is during one of our visits we went to the cemetery and Frank was leading Alex around and showing him the family graves and introducing him to all of his neighbors.  Alex followed his Grandpa all around and looked at all of those graves with him.  A place that I usually associate with sadness was so lovely that morning.  Many of my other memories of Frank have him sitting in a lawn chair under a tree watching the grandkids and great-grandkids run around and listening to his kids telling stories and joking around for hours.  

 

Earlier this year, Frank was diagnosed with brain cancer.  It was a blow to the family as Frank was so independent, still living in the same house that the kids grew up in, picking up his great-grandkids from school, mowing the lawn, and it wasn't even that long ago that he went to Chile on a missions trip with one of Joe's brothers.  His illness didn't last long before we got a call early on the morning of Mother's Day, saying Frank had gone peacefully to heaven in his sleep.  Nothing prepares you for the loss of a parent and it hit Joe hard.  We talked about our memories of him and the things we wished we had told him one last time.  Frank had a good 84 years of life and it's hard to believe we won't hear his great laugh again or that he won't be waiting for us in the house on 12th Avenue the next time we go to Nebraska.  I am so grateful for the lifetime of memories that Joe has of his dad and the decade of memories that I have.  He will always hold a special place in our family's heart and we will miss his presence here with us.

 

 

 

 

Morning musings, again.

Not that this is a huge surprise to those who know me, but I am a task kinda girl. I can make sense of tasks that lead me to a goal or a finished product.  I write lists to keep my brain organized.  The other day I wrote down every single thing I could think of that I needed to do for work and for home, just so I could stop constantly thinking about it all.  One of my favorite things to do is cross things off my list. Sometimes I play a little game with myself... I write down a task like, "Pay the electric bill". But, wait I've already paid it (like I don't realize that I just paid it 8.6 seconds ago) and so I immediately cross it off.  Feels so good. 

The tasks can be overwhelming, though, and distract me from the enjoyable things of life. I hate the nagging feeling that I should be doing something.  Let me tell you there's always something to do.  Some days the tasks are debilitating.  There's so much to do and I don't know where to start, so I do nothing.  Those days are the worst.  I get no tasks done and I don't even enjoy the time that I didn't do anything.

This morning the weather was beautiful. The kind of day we all dream about on January 12th in the middle of the cold, dark winter.  Warm, a slight breeze and sunny, with the smell of grass growing in the air and birds chirping everywhere.  I came outside with my coffee and the dogs and I did nothing. Well, no tasks.  I didn't even think about what I needed to do.  It was glorious and refreshing. God often meets me in those quiet, uncluttered places, when I almost least expect it, and gives me the hope and endurance that I need to joyfully return to the things need to be done.  When I let go of all the expectations and pressure of everyday life, even if only for a few moments, I am able to more fully grasp the love of those around me and I have more energy to love others more fully as well.  As much I thrive in getting things crossed off my list, I am reminded that I can't allow myself to only be defined by the things that I do.  I am so much more than that.  As I wrestle between my desire to accomplish tasks, but also be present with those around me, I find that every once in awhile I need these still mornings to bring me to a place of balance and clarity. The coffee helps too.

Halfway

It's already the end of April, which means we are almost to the end of week 4 of our 8 week exercise of perseverance and patience.  I've been asked many times, "How is Joe recovering?" and "How are things going at home?"  There isn't a simple answer to these questions and I'll tell you why...

The recovery for Joe's procedure is going well.  His incisions are healing nicely and his implant is working properly.  For the first week after his surgery, we could see how the implant was really going to change the way he would deal with his back pain.  A week after his surgery, he began to have some stomach troubles.  We thought maybe he had gotten a stomach bug or maybe food poisoning, but after three days with symptoms worsening, he went to the doctor and ran some tests.  Bright and early Saturday morning, Joe's doctor called and told him that he tested positive for a bacterial infection called c.diff.  It lives in the intestines and is awakened by taking strong antibiotics like the ones that he did after his surgery.  In order to wipe it out, they prescribed even stronger antibiotics.  Saturday was a really rough day, as Joe couldn't even keep the new meds down and slept most of the day.  As the day went on, he seemed to get worse, so I called the on-call doctor and they suggested he head to the ER.  He was dehydrated so they gave him IV fluids and sent him home.  He struggled for the next couple of days to get on top of the vomiting and nausea and finally started feeling a little better after taking an anti-nausea pill every 4 hours and adjusting his meds schedule.  The saddest part of this all, is that Joe had to pretty much stop using his implant during this time as the vibration from it made his nausea worse.  He also had to cancel his shoulder surgery (the goal was to overlap his recovery times so that he could minimize his down time), which really bummed him out as well.

It's been two weeks since then and although Joe is more functional now, he still struggles with nausea and exhaustion.  We've heard from others that have had c.diff, that it can take a couple of months to fully recover and get energy completely back.  We've gotten glimpses of how it will be once his back is fully recovered and the c.diff is defeated, but it has been discouraging for Joe to feel this bad for this long.  It has been such a blessing, though, for all of the meals that we've been brought, as cooking has been one thing he hasn't had much energy to do.

Things at home have continued to go well!  I've gotten in a rhythm with all the people coming in to help and it seems to get easier every day.  One of the greatest things to come out of this time is the knowledge that we now have a greater pool of people that can help me, and we know how to train others to help as well.  This is a good step for us to manage my care needs for the long-term.

Transportation is one of the biggest struggles at this point in the game.  Currently, I have to be transferred in and out of a vehicle, so that very much limits where I can go.  We have been waiting for nearly two months to be approved for a waiver that would allow us to purchase a wheelchair accessible van.  This van would give me complete independence in getting in and out our vehicle (I just drive my chair right into the van!) which would allow just about anyone to take me anywhere!  It feels like we are so close, but yet so far!  In the meantime, I've got my transportation to and from work figured out, but besides that I'm spending a lot of time at home.  I really like being home, so it's not too much of a burden, but there are times when it's a little sad to miss out on things we are used to doing together each week.  When the weather has been nice, Alex and I have gone on some good walks to the park and have checked out a few geocaches within walking distance as well.  Alex even found one, which is always so fun!

Even though I can't go anywhere with him right now, Joe is so sweet to bring some fun to me!  Last weekend, he went to a new donut shop and brought me the best blueberry cake donut I've ever had!  (p.s. Aren't Alex's new glasses so cute!) 

Overall, we are doing well and trying to make the best of our current situation.  Joe and I are constantly reminding ourselves that we are truly blessed and try to keep our eyes on the positive and not get too discouraged by hard stuff.  We would love prayers for Joe's continued healing and for the waiver for the van to come soon!  Thanks for checking in on us!

Morning Musings...

The house is quiet right now.  I'm sipping my coffee and enjoying the sunshine from a cool, spring day.  It has been almost a week since Joe's surgery and the days have passed surprisingly quickly.  As we planned for this time, I worried that each day would feel like an eternity, just waiting for the eight weeks of recovery to be over.  I'm not so naive to think that there won't be any days like that, but I'm grateful that every day hasn't felt that way.  In fact, I'm terribly grateful for a lot of things this quiet morning.  I'm grateful for my dad who took time off of work to take Joe to the hospital and be there for the surgery.  I'm grateful for my step-mom who made a delicious pot pie for us that was so comforting this week.  I'm grateful for my mom and Mark who welcomed Alex to their home which gave us a quiet and low-key week and gave Alex a fun Spring Break filled with memories.  I'm grateful for my sister who has been very gracious to me in a multitude of ways.  I'm grateful for the beautiful people that have been coming to my home to help me each day... I'm overwhelmed with their kindness, compassion, and friendship.  I'm grateful for all of the meals that have already come and those that are on the way.  I'm grateful for Joe who has taken care of me for so long and who is now able to take care of himself.  I'm grateful for the hope there is in Easter.  There are days when I am so burdened with the difficulties of our family's circumstances, but today I'm grateful for the still and peaceful mornings where my coffee is hot and mercies are evident.

Simple

In the midst of life's crazy ride, it's nice to stop and enjoy something unexpected, like free cone day at DQ... it's the simple things that make life sweet!

 

School Days

Third grade has been a great year for Alex so far!  They've been doing lots of cool things in class, like observing beetles and crayfish, searching for the Yeti in Math, writing a Famous Person biography (Alex is writing his on Leonardo da Vinci), and broomball and boot hockey in Gym.  They also went to a Contra Tiempo dance performance at the Ordway and Joe was able to go as a chaperone (both Joe and Alex gave the performance rave reviews!)

It's also Read-a-thon month at his school!  This year's theme is James and the Giant Peach, which Alex thinks is pretty cool since he's read the book and we saw the play at Stages Theater this fall.  He set a goal of 1,680 minutes (60 minutes a day) and has been working hard to make his goal!  He already has over 1,600 minutes and 4 more days to make it.  We love our awesome reader!

 Here's a video he made to ask people to donate to his Read-a-thon:

To donate:  https://givemn.org/fundraiser/alexs-2015-read-a-thon54e2ba1a698d0

Alex took a beginning Ukulele class after school in the fall and really enjoyed it, so we signed him up for the second class this winter.  He's still having fun with it, and really improving too.  He's been practicing switching between chords and is getting the hang of where to put his fingers.  He already asked his teacher  when the next class is!!

Too cute!

Yoda Best!

Happy Valentine's Day!  Yoda Best! Yoda Apple of my eye!  Do or do not, Valentine!  (You get the idea!)  This year for his valentine's box at school, we made Yoda!!  I think he turned out pretty cool!

Alex has definitely gotten into Star Wars this year!  He's been watching the Disney cartoon, Star Wars Rebels and we've watched the original three Star Wars movies.  It helps that his teacher loves Star Wars too, so they talk about it at school.  He got some figurines for Christmas that have provided hours of playtime fun!

These are not the droids you're looking for!