What is right? What is wrong?

So much things happening lately..

Wondering when will the call come in. I'm really hoping that it will...

My mood has been really down of late. Situation is not being helped with lin's dad severely ill in hospital. Past 3 nights have been spent at the hospital, keeping her company. It is tough, facing such a life changing situation, and me being not too good with consoling words or actions, all I can do was to be there for her. keeping her company knowing that I'm there.

Life is unpredictable.. most say.... but sometimes it is predictable.. it is just a matter of time. It's a very thin line to draw between wanting to do the best for your loved ones.. vs doing the best what you think is the right thing. Really how much is enough? How much should we then say no? What is exactly the right thing to do? When we see someone overspending or eating the wrong food, what do we do ? We stop them and tell them that's not the correct way to do it. you should blah blah blah... What about handling of a life? What do you do when you see someone insisting treatment only to prolong the pain? Enduring more pain n misery in the process. Is that really the right thing to do? Why are we not tolerating that in other things, but tolerating that when it comes to handling of life? Is life very much more acceptable as a reason and it overrides everything else?

Morally, what is right? what is acceptable? Will you feel guilty because you did not try your best? Or should you feel guilty in making the person face more pain? Of cos there's no right or wrong here.. I just feel it's really really difficult to make a choice here. Respecting ones decision and knowing when that should stop... cos like all decisions, not all decisions made is correct. And you don't allow the person to do everything as they wish ... right?

I'm not in the position to say anything about it now... and I feel I shouldn't.. I have always being a less than empathetic person and saying this out now isn't going to help much. I can only blog it down over here and let my thots flow into the air..

I do have feelings. And more often than not, it's being kept within and prevented from showing. Not expressive in my emotions paints a picture of me being less "caring" . Everyone has different ways of showing concern and I don't think crying is the only way to do it. I just don't exhibit it that way. In moments of crisis, I am able to make decision that is less suayed by emotions and I think that's a strength. That has always being a part of me.. Really.... not showing doesn't mean I don't care... I just have a stronger heart for such things. Hope you understand...

That aside.. telling me that I will be taking up more responsibilities and asking me to go on a conference to Zurich.. Seriously... can you time it better? Do you have a sensor / tracker on me? Why does it always happen when I'm at the trough? Must it come in only when I'm really deep deep down? I am not keen in the position or whatever responsibilities.. Zurich free trip, of cos I will go if the call doesnt' come in by then.. but I seriously hope I will not be going ..... cos I'm on my way out of here...

Decision is made

The time is here...

It has been way too long since I have been thinking about it and now is right to execute it.

Sometimes you just have to take the chance and take the plunge. The future is uncertain, but if you don't try, you will never know and it will always be status quo. Is it worthwhile? Is it regrettable? No idea.. I will know in due time.

For now, there are many things that I feel regretful with, in particular one aspect. It was a moment of folly followed by many many more moments which resulted in an irreversible state. It is perhaps the most regretful thing I have ever done my whole life and I couldn't face it. Running away from it isn't the best option.. I know... unfortunately that seem to be the best scenario. Instead of walking on and stepping further into the grey, I guess stepping clear and remove all possibility might save much further dilemma. 

I am truly sorry and there was never one moment that was was meant for a ride. Really. never.. in life, sometimes choice has to be made and I have made mine.. I will have to follow up with my actions and commit to it. I hope all is clear and let's move on from here...